The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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HappyGirl45
People often say stupid things when they are concerned and don't know how or if they should show it. Sometimes they don't even know the depth of their fear. Assume that the strange comment was part of this
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I like happygirl's comment, "got to love them but we don't have to like them." My sister got me upset yesterday that I had to take a lorazepam to calm down. I am still having problems with remembering and stress from this journey. Thery think once you are done with treatment, everything is back to normal. I don't know how many times I have explained it to her. Sorry to vent.
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Never be sorry to vent! This IS the place to vent. And notself, we KNOW people don't mean to be cruel, this is a thread to have giggles about the stupid things that are said without thinking.....
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Thanks GD, hope you are doing well. I do keep track of all you lovely ladies. Darla
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I don't think anyone here means to offend anyone. I have the utmost respect for those brave men battling prostate cancer. One of my dear friends is currently there. Personally I viewed the whole prostate cancer funnies as a brotherhood/sisterhood thing rather than poking fun at them. The fact that all of us here are dealing with our own diagnosis makes us the last people who would mean to offend.I noticed my last post came after Otter's request that we stop. Apologies Otter, for some reason your post wasn't there when I hit submit or I wouldn't have written it. We are all in a sensitive headspace and need to respect each others opinions...both ways, as being told off can upset as well. Let's move on.
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Happy Girl- your chances of dying with stage 0 are about the same as getting killed by something else, hit by a bus or something!
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BTW I just checked out my niece's facebook page. She's a sophomore in college it says she is attending "Toss a Ball for Testicular Cancer."
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Lago, I have to say I think that is right on par with the save the ta ta's campaign. Good gravy
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Yup but it sounds like its a sorority event so what would you expect. Yes I was GDI in college.
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oh lago! why am I not surprised that we were in the same "sorority"!!!!!
so now we have toss a ball, save the ta-tas and protect the erector. . . . yikes!
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This doesn't fit in to the "stupid things people say" category but it's just kind of odd and makes me feel unsettled a bit.
Oddly enough, something that's starting to bother me a little bit is being told how inspiring I am. Pretty much, it seems like I can brush my teeth and someone will tell me I am inspiring.
I have to say that I know it is never said without kindness and usually, love as well. But...come on.
The other day, I went to a salon to ask about wig cuts, and there were four people there who were just hanging on my every word and giving me tons of positive feedback - I had an audience. It felt surreal and weird. And any kind of uncomfortable/negative feelings I had about it made me automatically feel guilty because these folks had no intention of being anything but supportive and kind.
The other thing is people often saying to me "but I shouldn't be complaining, my problems are nothing compared to yours". Oy.
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Pam- yup, I feel it too.
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Here's a few more...
"I don't know what I would do if I found out I had cancer"
You're such a fine encouragement"
" I hope if I ever have to go through something like that, I could be as brave as you"
Like someone said, You don't have to be brave, you just have to show up." I did a lot of crying that no one saw. I worried about everything. I wasn't brave. I did what I had to do.
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How about "I would have fallen apart!" How do they know we didn't!!!!
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I fell apart many times at 2 AM alone in my livingroom while everyone slept. They weren't there to witness it.
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I had a friend go completely missing out of my life after I got my DX. When she finally made contact with me she told me she had been going through some stuff at the time. She said since her problems couldn't possibly compare to what I was going through she stayed away. WTF? I didn't realize that it was a competition and that BC trumps all.
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Barbe1958 - I have enjoyed all of your funny posts. It certainly helps to have a sense of humor. That's the one thing I've always liked about myself - the ability to laugh. Without a sense of humor life would be unbearable. Practically every single person at work who found out about my breast cancer (100% of them) had a horror story to tell me. "Oh yes, my aunt died from bc." "My neighbor died from bc." "My grandma died from bc." "I've known lots of people who have died from bc." O.k. o.k. enough ! ! ! ! ! ! People are so wildly crazy ! ! ! !
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DH was being really critical of me the other night (and to our daughter unfortunately). I had to remind him that he still has to be nice to me. I wasn't playing the cancer card, I just meant that, you know, since we are married and all... He told me to stop being a victim and get over it already. So, I guess that would be a "no" to being nice. I think there is a form of male menopause... no hot flashes but some fo them just get crabby and can't remember that being nice feels good.
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Stuff HIM under the bus too!!!
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I think i've got this one in the bag. I just walked in from lunch (eating a cheesburger nonetheless) and was headed toward my office when a coworker I haven't seen for a while called out "Heather, oh my gosh - you've gotten SO big since i've seen you last! Congrautlations!!" and then motions to the belly. Little does she know that I have cancer and have gained about 15lbs from treatment...but seriously...did the scarf on my bald head not give it away? Just to add to it, since i'm so young and have never had kids - there is a chance that i'll never come out of chemo pause and never be able to have babies! People really need to think before they talk!!! 0
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My DH is turning into a grumpy, intolerant curmudgeon. At least when it comes to other people, with me he knows better, lol.
One of the dumbest things someone said to me was an older woman who was with her husband when I went for my first chemo. He was wearing a baseball cap to cover his bald head, and she asked me if I would lose my hair. When I said yes, she said "I think that it's easier for women to lose their hair, there are such cute wigs and scarves out there". When I said that it is generally more socially acceptable for men to be bald, she said " I suppose so, but still, you can go shopping for a hat". Talk about clueless.
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heathermcd: My rule is you never assume anyone is pregnant unless their water breaks and is running on your foot, even then stop and make sure it isn't some other fluid. I'm so sorry, that is just painful
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I get it. I am not being brave, I am just breathing and doing what I have to do. Inspiring is someone who chooses to have BC for research purposes...not me. I got lumped with this and I am dealing with it. If I am inspiring because I am still functioning and not a jello mess in the corner then maybe I am ...but I certainly don't feel like I am doing anything particularly brave or fabulous. I know what you are saying about the guilt you feel when you feel negative toward anyone saying you are an inspiration..sometimes I feel like I am expecting people to be more than they can be. Sadly, some people can't even be THERE and that's sad dealing with friends who just disappear. No wonder people say a dx like this can be life changing...because life changes!
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barbe, we are going to have to jack that bus up to put all these folks under... I will bring the jack... oh, ya, we are putting all the jackwagons under the bus
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HappyGirl45,
you have mentioned a serious problem with regards to our life buses. I think it can be solved, however, if when we throw the person off and under our life bus, we remember to drive back and forth a few times. A little more time and effort for sure, but, they will flatten nicely, and it will be well worth it I think!
Julie E
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Jelson, I agree, good call!
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heathermcd You got it. What a low life your co worker is.. Yuk!
How about one of those double trailer... in the snow- backwards and forwards! Yeah that would be good.
What is it with the word 'inspiration' ? I've had that one thrown at me a couple of times too. From the Latin- inspirare - to 'breathe upon or into'... THATS IT LADIES, thats why we're an 'inspiration'....means we just got to KEEP ON BREATHING!
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I get the "inspiration" thing a lot too lately. And I've only just started! It hasn't been too hard considering I don't "feel sick". I feel pretty damn good actually. We'll see if I continue to inspire after I'm recovering from surgeries and whatever treatment path I walk down.
I posted this somewhere else... but one of my favorite encounters (I've had this happen several times) is when I get that really REALLY SAD
look from women when I tell them I'm getting a BMX (funnily enough the men never give me the sad look!) ...When I reply, "Well, it's just boobs"... they look at me in horror and sadness and say, "No it's not.... it's part of your womanhood!!" My reply, "Hell no... my BOOBS aren't my womanhood..... my clitoris is!!! "
Shuts 'em up EVERYTIME!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrpJD2h7mo4I'd already told DH this is now my theme song. Seemed to fit the conversation here.
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This is a GREAT thread all around. But it sure has made me think . . .
What have people said to me? Mostly, very little I can find shocking. I have received the "you're an inspiration" tag, but gosh, I had less than 1 cm of DCIS -- it was the BRCA1+ status that inspired me to do the BMX and ooph, etc . . . so I usually just gently say "thank you, but I'm not all that inspiring -- just a wildly overcautious sort of girl" and change the subject because I feel odd taking that "inspirational" role when really, the cure I chose is far worse than the disease was at the time.
But what have I started to worry about? A very dear friend recently died of ovarian cancer. It wasn't nice, or pretty. We didn't live close to each other, and I was flying back and forth to my father's side because at the same time, he was dying in a LTC facility. His side happened to be a few hours away from where she lived in the same state. I meant to visit her. I really did. But I never made it. And I'm not really a card-sending type. I sent emails, and I called several times in her final months. But I wasn't really THERE for her, not during her last year, and not during her last month: she went into her final illness at the same time my father did, and I was at HIS side, not hers in the last 2 weeks of his life. She died a week after he did. I cannot seem to get past the fact that I was a disappearing friend -- and I didn't do for her a tenth of what many of my friends have done for me to support me during what is NOT even a life-threatening illness of my own. So -- I'm not asking for absolution, though please don't throw me under the bus. I'm doing that enough. But gosh -- I wonder how many of those people who have made the wrong choices, and didn't support us properly, are looking for a way back in to our lives? I would have begged for a way back in to hers as soon as I'd come out of the fog of grief my father's death laid over me for that last year.
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