I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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Wow, I haven't been on the boards for a long time and wasn't sure I even wanted to post again but here I am anyway, so for what it's worth...For me recovery started after all my surgeries and treatments were over. I have a lot of scars and the treatments are done, but after 2 years I am reminded that healing from BC is most probably lifelong. I still struggle with depression at times because my body isn't able to do the things or be the way it used to be because of lymphedema and neuropathy. I have had reconstruction because I identify my sexuality by feeling and looking feminine. Not that reconstruction is for everyone, I knew it was a no brainer for me. I suffered more from the reconstruction than the mastectomies but thats the price I paid for what I wanted. Do whatever it is that you have to do for your own circumstances and never second guess yourselves in your decisions. I have decided not to keep feeling sorry for myself or worry and wonder if I am doing everything I need to do to keep it from coming back (didnt help anyway, I developed bone mets). I am putting myself back out there and living life every day to the fullest of my ability and that is all I can do. I wish all of you great health and most of all great happiness.
Peace,
D~
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I wanted to post this link to a tank top with foobies in it. I go "flat" so I don't wear them, but my co-worker does and they don't require a bra so she loves them!
http://www.tlcdirect.org/subcategory/AmericanCancerSocietyMastectomyCamisoles.html?
Dee - I am glad to see you posting! I'm sorry to hear about the bone mets....the stage IV forum is pretty awesome - I'm not sure if you've posted over there or not? I started out stage IV and they gave me so much support and information.
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Thanks Lisa,
No, I haven't been on that forum but I will check it out
The lesbian forums aren't very active anymore, come out come out wherever you are!
Peace
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Hello everyone,
My sister was diagnosed with Mucinous Carninoma of the right breast two weeks ago. I can't find a lot of info on this type of breast cancer. Can anyone help? She was told they caught it early and it was microscopic. She had a biopsy done resulting in this diagnosis. She is so scared and so am I. She meets with her surgeon tomorrow. I so want to help her but have no idea how. Can anyone help her please?
She is not a Lesbian but I am. Thought I might get some good info/support from 'family'...
Thank you so much!
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Jude new members only get 5 posts a day until they reach50. Go to search in right corner. Click it and you will be directed to a search box. Put in my name or mucinous. You can also find me and send unlimited private messages
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Nope. You're not the only lesbian out here! You, are not alone!
Peace
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Shell-shocked lezzie chiming in. In the space of 2 weeks have been bullied at work, been dumped by my partner -- and a matter of hours after being dumped found an indentation and mass in my breast. Lost my job yesterday, but have an interview for part-time work next week so that's something potentially good anyhow. I've been referred by doctor to breast screening clinic for tests, just awaiting an appointment now.
Doing my best to stay positive, but am very down at the moment.
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So sorry, FinR - sounds like a hard time - there is a bitching page if you need to really let it all out. Glad you found your way here, though. I hope the mass is a cyst or something equally beniign. And good luck with the interview. I had a similar time a number of years ago - seems like there was just one thing after another - felt like I had a "kick me" sign on my back. Got literally kicked on the street by a crazy guy, for instance. I reminded myself I wasn't a victim, and kept on. It took awhile, but I finally was able to get out of it - whether the wheel turned or I did something myself - I don't know. But it didn't last forever, I know that.
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Thank you bookart -- yeah I'm not going to be a victim! That's pretty much the only decision I've made so far today, but it's a start I guess.
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I'm so glad we are here if only as a small start. Of course there are many others but maybe they are so busy hanging with their communities that they aren't online ?
. I've met lesbian survivors, couples who are both in tx, and widows. For me this is one more proof that God created me gay (do u think we'll get hate posts for that comment?) since I've found that breasts, while nice to have, kinda annoying to my activities (horses, soccer) and definitely not part of my self identity (and I value those like Dee1961 who do since beauty is never defined by one label!). Today is chemo tx number one. My healthcare peeps have been very supportive and open, which I know is not the norm for everyone. Oh, did anyone go to a prothesis fitting that thought lacy bras and tight Tshirts would be desirable? I wore sweats but I think she didn't sell a lot of sports bras! Funny. The tlc brochure has a cool micro bead-filled, lightweight, swimsuit ok prosthesis that I just love, FYI! Hang in girls, and glad I found you.0 -
Glad you found us, too, simplesoul. Not much action on this particular thread, but an occasional comment. Most people find the support they need on their threads addressing their diagnosis, so don't feel abandoned if you don't see many posts here. I do find, though, that there are less-than-friendly folk on bco, just like out in the world. So sometimes it's nice to come here or to another lesbian-themed thread and just know that you will be heard by like-minded folk.
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Hi. The only thing in my closet is the clothes I wear. lol Actually I just started getting back on here this past week after on March 3rd, the day before my 52nd birthday (Happy Birthday to me) when I was diagnosed with Stage 4 matastasized breast cancer in my T-6 vertebrae which is also fractured. Friday, April 8, 2011 is my big surgery day. They'll be taking out the T-6 bone & replace it with titanium rods & pins. After that I'll be going through 12 stages of radiation then I'm told by my chemo oncologist that I'll be put on an oral chemo which I'll be staying on for the rest of my life. No life span has been given so I'm taking that as a good thing for me. I'll try to be on here as much as possible but not sure with how the surgery goes how I'll be feeling, but I'll be here if you ever want or need to talk. I also have the most wonderful partner & caregiver.. That also helps so damn much.
You take care,
Denise
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Sorry to hear about your dx, Denise. Keep us up-to-date about your surgery and treatment. I hope you and your partner have a support system close by - you both will need it - as much as a supportive partner is great, you need more and your partner will need support, too.
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Thanks bookart. Dont know of any support system close to our area but I sure will be watching out for any. Thanks for the info.
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Denise will send kind healing thoughts your way Friday. Glad you have good support. Go fight like hell!
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Greetings y'all...yup, still here. Promise this update won't be as long as the last one (lol).
Recently completed 11th consecutive cycle of chemo (Paclitaxol, plus Avistan and Zometa) Yeah, almost one whole year of continuous infusions...would have started cycle 12 this coming Monday, but had my quarterly staging checks (cardio/vascular/CTs, etc.,), then Oncology consult yesterday for the results. Good news (I guess), I'm "stable" once again (have been since Jan this year). While always great to hear no further progression, do wish I'd heard some reduction...oh well, take the good anyday (Realistically, was told from the get go that I'm incurable, but one can always hope.....)
As a result, my team has decided to halt the chemo and switch me back to AIs. This decision was based on the fact that while no progression, the cumalative SEs were now starting to outweigh the benefit (status quo) and it was "time" to change. Of course, I "(wo)maned up" and told them I could handle the SEs (although do have to admit they were starting to get me down a bit and affect QOL, especially the edema (feet/ankles) and neuropathy (fingers/toes)). But, in hindsight, have figured my initial reaction was more to do with "fear". After a year on these meds, they were the devil I knew. I mean they've kept the cancer from spreading and, with adjustments to my routines, were manageable, so why not stay on them? The answer....time to try something else, with less severe SEs...
As I didn't do well on Tamoxofin after initial diagnosis and surgery (while on Tamoxofin, spread to the bones), they have decided to put me on Arimidex (Anastrozol), starting now. Will also be continuing with Avistan and Zometa but instead of weekly infusions, will be every three weeks. Have to admit, now that I've had some time to contemplate, am looking forward (hopefully) to regaining some mobility, possibly wearing "real" shoes again, an increasing activity. But would not be honest if I didn't admit some concern about switching from something that was holding things at bay to something new. Wish me luck peeps. Hugs and more to you all.
P.S. To any newly diagnosed....keep the faith. Listen to these "long termers" they gave me hope when I was first diagnosed in Feb 2010 and didn't imagine still being around now. (Side note..both my father and only brother passed with cancer, within 3 months of their initial diagnosis they were not longer with us, so I had that "history" to contemplate). Also, if you haven't already, go get yourself some Suzanne Westenhoefer CDs, she'll make you laugh through just about anything. bfn...
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You are SO not alone!! We are just human after all,I am thousand of miles away in South Africa,but I am thinking of you.There is hope for breast cancernlotsa hope!! Just have faith and be positive ok?
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I'm new to this section but damn I do need some suzanne w about this time. can't sleep, scared because onc appointment tomorrow. My sweetie is asleep, the kids re asleep, just me and my anxiety.
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Hi Outfield.... These threads have been quiet for awhile. You are not alone lots of us out here who have gone through ...As for your anxiety talk to Dr. for something to take the edge off & aid with sleep. .
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Well that's messed up. I don't even remember posting that last night. I know I was up puttering, couldn't sleep even after the Ambien, must've been typing with my lymphedema night garment on (looks like an oven mitt that goes from fingertips to armpit). My onc visit was actually good. Anyway, yes, it looks like this threa has been quiet. Why? Where are we? There are so many times, especially during treatment, when I felt like such the outlier. Didn't mean to make a pun, and my name on this isn't a pun related to being out. What I mean is that I've always been kind of androgynous, and I just couldn't relate to a lot of the things other people thought would be helpful. A social worker, whom I was sent to see when I was mentally losing it during radiation, suggested the makeup program "Look Good, Feel Better" and I could only reply, "Um, I'm a kind-of-butch lesbian, I just don't understand that stuff." And no offense to those of you who do - I mean no judgement about it for other people.
But where are we?
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Yeah no amount of lipstick will make it better. I am not sure where everyone has gone. Most have gone through their treatment and are "on the otherside" of cancer. Glad the onc visit went well. Stay in touch I am still here.
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First posting here. Mostly spend time reading from various threads. I had a UMX with TE almost 2 weeks ago. My GF lives out of state and was able to be here with me for the surgery and she just left yesterday
she has been so supportive and caring. Hope everyone else is well.0 -
First post also. There has to be more lesbians out there since my onc said that not breeding seems to make you more likely to get this. Was diagnosed in early June, had a double mastectomy a week later and have gone through 2 of 6 rounds of chemo with a 6 week radiation chaser in the wings. I'm on the butch side so all the systems set up to support straight women don't know what to do with me either. From what they keep trying to push on me I gather that this is real hell for straight women to deal with on top of the fear, pain, and craziness of cancer. I'm usually up late at night and will try to check in more (except on the days I'm taking the steroids for the chemo, they make me unable to sit down long enough to pay attention to anything). Everyone stay safe and happy as possible.
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Yeah hang in there Mutt
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Hi, all. I'm new here too.
I was diagnosed earlier this month, which makes it now 2 out of 3 females on my father's side of the family in my generation who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. All of the women in the prior 2 generations on my father's side have had (and survived) breast cancer as well. It seems that BC has struck each successive generation 10 years earlier than the last, and I am really worried about my niece and my cousin's daughters, as well.
My little sister -- only 41 -- is currently undergoing chemo for her stage II, grade III IDC, which will be followed by double mastectomy and radiation. If she had not been diagnosed, I would never have gotten a mammogram (no health insurance), and I have a lot of "survivor's guilt" that she is having to endure all of that, while it looks like the only treatment I will need is surgery.
I have a double mastectomy scheduled for September 7th, and have been going through emotional hell. It has been really rough on my partner of 11 years and our 7-year-old daughter as well.
I'm quite butch, but still, losing the "girls" is really upsetting to me. I get really frustrated when people learn what I'm going through and invariably cheerfully respond that I can get a new set of perky boobs. It especially blows my mind when I get that kind of response from other lesbians. First of all, I don't plan on doing any reconstruction at all. Secondly, I feel that type of response negates/invalidates all of the emotional and physical pain and suffering women with breast cancer have to endure, and it REALLY pisses me off. Finally, if I could pick any set of boobs in the world to have, I'd pick the ones I've already got. I've always thought they were perfect, and no fake boobs could be an adequate substitute, in my book.
I am extremely anxious about the surgery and recovery and find myself bursting into tears randomly. I'm having a tremendously difficult time functioning and accomplishing anything during the work day. Further, I get called "sir" in public a lot already, and I'm very worried that the first person to call me that after surgery is going to get decked. I think the main emotion I feel is anger, followed by isolation (I live 800 miles from my family), so I'm glad to have found this thread.
Hang in there, Mutt. I'm here to chat any time.
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Mutt---its good to know that there is a place where we can find the support we need with just a few strokes of the keyboard. Was the double masectomy your option or was it the only thing for your particular circumstance? I discussed with my surgeon and decided to do a unilateral instead. Im beleving that I made the right decision but only time can tell. Have you found any support groups in your area? I went to one where all the ladies talked about how the husbands are adjusting to the new foobs and so on. Makes me feel so thankful that I dont have to worry about all that testostorone bulls**t. Im up at night even with the pain meds and ambien. Go figure. What state are you in?
Memphis-- so sorry to hear all the history in the fam and totally understand the concern for your niece and cousin. I wonder if it would be a good idea to have the BRCA test done for them? I never thought my boobs were perfect but they were mine none the less and had bonded nicely throughout the years so I totally get it.
Either way im here to chat as well. We should never feel alone although it does happen. be safe and be encouraged and kick some cancer butt!0 -
The double mastectomy was my idea and the decision was validated by both my surgeon and my onc. Both of my breast were small but really dense (and yes it was going to be my tits stuck to me or nothing else, we were going to grow old together but they didn't make it). They actually found another tumor in the left breast after the mastectomy (two different cancers) so I would have been back in to have the other taken even if I had initially wanted to save it. I'm adopted and have no access to any family history at all and decided this was the coarse that would give me the best chance to survive this crap. Im a retired firefighter so it takes alot for me to cry but during the begining of all this I cried (seemed like for no reason in paticular other than life is going to change) almost everyday. They werent always sad cries either sometimes it was just enough to keep you from going to the hardware store because your eyes are all gooped up. Surgery is scary, right down everything you are worried about (things you learn from here) and make sure your surgeon understands your decisions and you understand what needs to be done to get the best possible result. I havent found any support groups other than a few friends and the guys/drag Queens at the bar I use to hangout in. I'm in south Kansas City, there are alot of nursing homes in this area so I'm usually the youngest by decades when I go in for treatment so no support from that gathering.
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Memphis J I got called sir alot too but it had slowed down as I got older so I hadn't heard it that frequently. Hear nothing but that now, my hair is gone and my tits are gone so men just think "no tits it must be a man". You will be dealing with drains for a while after your surgery so you will have other things on your mind other than how people perceive you but eventually they will come out and you find a friend or your other half to go walking with you down your favorite street and its not so bad and people don't see you as much more different that you already were. I'v been ready to punch a few people during this but the surgeon took alot of my pec. muscle on both sides, lymphnodes on both sides and I have a port attached to my right subclavian vein with a large triangle shape sticking up under the skin like a target screaming HIT ME HERE. Not going to be fighting anytime soon.
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I had double Mx 5/09 with no reconstruction. I am still good with the choice. It has been hard on my partner I know. I was so into getting to the otherside fast. I am now dealing with the anger. Let's face it none of us signed up for this. No matter the surgery options "the scars are still there in the mirror"
I am here if you have any questions. You can PM me if you wish.
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I also had double (7/1/2010). It was the right choice for me, especially given my particular cancer. I guess I could have had neoadjuvant chemo and tried to save the breast with the invasive cancer, but I would have gone crazy with anxiety. I was pretty crazy with anxiey as it was. There are also things about how my diagnosis came about that I think would have made it impossible for me not to worry about what was hiding in my breasts the rest of my life. Not everybody's diagnosis happens like mine, so I fully understand not everybody's choices will be the same as mine.
I got called "sir" a lot when I was bald. I didn't really care. My body really looks like a 13 year old boy's now. Reallly, I kind of like it. I wish my scars were more symmetrical, but that's so minor. I've taken to going shirtless around the house because it's hot and for the first time in my life I'm comfortable without a bra. My partner says she doesn't mind, says she'd do it too if it were comfortable. Well, I wouldn't have chosen to go through what I went through to just get this little pleasure, but it's a little something. And I didn't get mad when people said I could have the perkiest breasts on the block, but it didn't make me feel any better at all. I know they were trying to say something helpful, just didn't help me. There is nothing even the best surgeon could do to give me sensation in those perky new nipples, and that's what I miss. Well, that and the ease of living without my own mortality smacking me it the head every few hours.
Memphis - hang in, the worst part of my whole experience - surgery, 8 rounds of chemo, 6 weeks of radiation, hormonal deprivation, axillary cording, lymphedema, neutropenic fevers - was waiting for the surgery. I bought a lot of cheap pillows before hand so I could prop myself up on the bed when I came home. That was a good idea. I also got a couple hoodies at Target with zippers and front pockets, put the drain bulbs in the pockets. Far better than dealing with safety pins. And I really, really said good-bye to my breasts. I talked to them in preop, cried, but have always been OK with the decision.
I hope it goes smoothly.
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