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I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?

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  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 210
    edited February 2012

    Hi, Outfield and Bunker:

    My boys are now 19 & 21, but they went throiugh a lot when I was diagnosed and we're still dealing with the repercussions.  And I have definitely been much more irritable and easy to set off this past two years.  I finally went on some anti-depressants recently and that has helped.  Not my favorite thing to do, but I was too quick to bite heads off and those closest were bearing the brunt of it (and my boss - not fired yet, but I'm sure it's been close).  My partner of almost 12 years and I have weathered this so far, but it has not exactly been easy.  A lot has changed and we are still adjusting.  Neither of us has participated in any groups; maybe we should.

  • dolphinspirit67
    dolphinspirit67 Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2012

    Lesbian with breast cancer here!! WOOOHOOOO we are not alone ;)

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited February 2012

    Outfield-

    Yes, roles do change when severe illnesses are present in the family. It can be extremely difficult because I think we can go back to old ways of handling stress and anxiety despite the knowledge of how to do it better. I have had to really give up my desire to control everything because I truly have no control. My ideas of keepinig things together was by controling the world and I realized about a year into this journey that trying to control the world just made me physically sick and my poor family crazy.  I have had to learn how to take each day at a time and be willing to move with life on life's terms.  Not something that comes to me easily.

    Robin is doing better, she is tired but that is to be expected. My daughter's Crohn's is in check and we have it well managed.

    I just put one froot infront of the other and I get through the day.

    Donese

  • pynkkameleon
    pynkkameleon Member Posts: 5
    edited February 2012

    Despite the not so nice fact that any of us are here, it IS nice to see this board so active again. I'm mostly a lurker but I do know that when I was first dx, I sure was happy to find this particular board. I live in a very rural area and can count on one hand the number of people who are openly out and while there IS a BC support group at a local church, it isn't something that I am comfortable going to. My family is wonderfully supportive and I have amazing friends who have been there every step of the way but they live out of state. This mostly leaves me with online support, which is also wonderful, but there just isn't a whole lot out there for us LBGQT people living with Cancer.

     Anyway, I wanted to make my presence known and add myself to the group. I'm here, I'm queer and cancer really f**n sucks... BUT I am thankful that I at least haven't lost my sense of humor along the way.

  • gullwalk
    gullwalk Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2012

    wow ! I cant believe I found this page ..now there is someplace I can totally feel comfortable with..not that I really want to be here, but its great to share with other lesbians with BC.. and yes it does suck but hey, its another challenge to overcome

  • stillhere663
    stillhere663 Member Posts: 8
    edited February 2012

    Welcome. Sending you blessings on this journey.

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited February 2012

    Ugh...I'm not is a good place. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm depressed, and I am sooo done with cancer. Robin my partner (has stage 4 bc mets to skin and lungs) had a breathing test yesterday and although she is getting 100% 02, she is only using 60% of her lung capasity. Lord what is that about? I would really like to have a life break. Just for a few weeks...no major cancer crisis, no major project due, no family drama.

  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 210
    edited February 2012

    Know that.  I'm ashamed to admit that I'm pleased that our sons haven't been around much lately - less drama trauma.  My eldest did come help me today, so doubling the shame - pooey.  But I did resent that all their hoopla during my recovery made my life and my partner's life so much harder.  I know some of it was their response to my illness, but still.

  • cancersucks
    cancersucks Member Posts: 100
    edited March 2012

    HI all, my board (((hug))) it's back, hope everyone is staying warm and finding their calm, peace, CS

  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 210
    edited March 2012

    How are things, CS?

  • gullwalk
    gullwalk Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2012

    Pynk, Stillhere,thank you for the welcome & words of support. Bookart,Cancersucks,Bunker & Dolphin, hey!

     I hope everyone is managing  I go this coming Monday to Sloan Kettering-Dr Capko ,getting all my reports and films,disc & path slides together.   I want this ball to get rolling, I need more info, and a plan.. Now that I have talked with my family there's not much more for  me to do till I see the Drs.

    I did have to stop my Enbrel so, I'm waiting to see if this r/a flares it's ugly painful head 

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited March 2012

    Good evening my friends,

    Things are good today. My partner, Robin, went to the pulmonologist yesterday and all the breathing issues she has been having over the last several months is due to allergies and asthma...go figure! Here we ahve been freatin' the worst and the onc has said that he doubted it was cancer but that he was sending her to a lung specialist to get another opinion. Well, Robin just has the crud!!!! The pulmonologist gave her a couple of inhalers and a nose spray and she has a follow up in a week. Praise God

  • stillhere663
    stillhere663 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2012

    Gullwalk,

    Here is the motto. No one gets to be a "cancer survivor", without having first been a warrior. I am your sister in this fight and offer prayers  for this journey. Here 4 u anytime.

  • outfield
    outfield Member Posts: 235
    edited March 2012

    Bunker, never thought I'd be feeling happy to hear someone has asthma.

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited March 2012

    Outfield...I didn't think I would either

  • bookart
    bookart Member Posts: 210
    edited March 2012

    Fantastic, Bunker!  Well, asthma and lung problems suck, but they beat cancer hands-down!

  • stillhere663
    stillhere663 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2012

    I have learned that all kinds of "issues" pop up during BC and it's treatment. You and your partner hang in there and love each other through the good/bad. The bad days make us grateful for the smallest good thing that comes along!

    SH

  • gullwalk
    gullwalk Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2012

    just a quick update, I had my mx 3/23 and head over to see the PS today. It's not the most pleasant experience I've had but it's not the worse.This will be my 1st check since I left the hospital. I'm not as centered as I was before, probably due to family drama. I know eveyone has great intentions but sometime its hard to deal with their attitudes and drama. I really can't wait to have my life back and do things on my own.  I really hate being around  folks that just can't be nice.

  • Wish1
    Wish1 Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2012

    cooka

    I know it has been a while since you made this post and I was off the board for a while- glad to come back and see this discussion more active! Yes- I will shop at your Butch-tique!! I threatened a nurse that was about to bring me a "lovely pink blanket" because I was freezing during a TX - I actaully screamed bring me the standard "GD" white blanket with the blue stirpe at the top I cannot do any more PINK! --- I got my white blanket and had I not been in TX probably would have been escotred out by security. I get 'sirred' a lot too like you I can deal with that but the bathroom thing is hard. One woman actually said (as I walked in) "excuse me, this is the ladies room" and I said "I know" she said "then you need to leave before I call someone" I said "go ahead and call it is called breast cancer" and I actually pulled up my shirt and showed her the scars... she left apologizing on her way... I wouldn't recommend this approach but I was tired and didn't need some stranger reminding me that I no longer "looked" like a woman...     

  • mutt1963
    mutt1963 Member Posts: 91
    edited April 2012

    I want to go back to the days when the only time I dealt with pink is when I forgot about the red thing in the load of laundry. It was one of the reasons I didn't own that many red articles of clothing.

  • dmlenn1
    dmlenn1 Member Posts: 10
    edited May 2012

    Sadly...I am one of those femme gals who loved pink. I loved pink so much that all my pjs were pink. I had red hair before chemo took it, so I didn't wear it in public, but my loving butch partner used to buy me all kinds of cute pink accessories. Then... in October of all freakin months... here came the big C. And now I am mad as heck because my favorite color since childhood now has become the color that I hate most. I know it is silly, but of all the things I resent about this, I think that one is the only one that really pissed me off. I was okay with losing my breasts. I worked all through Chemo and am now working through radiation. But the weekend I spent shoving every pink item of cothing, every pink accessory and every pink frilly undergarment in a bag broke my heart. It really hit home to me that I have stage IV and that I would never be able to look at pink again without being reminded about Cancer and all the things it has taken from me. F*ck Cancer! I need new clothes now...dammit!

  • cooka
    cooka Member Posts: 62
    edited May 2012

    Haha! Down with pink! Nice blogspot dmlenn1...but (ahem) it's kinda pink ;)

  • stillhere663
    stillhere663 Member Posts: 8
    edited May 2012

    I hate the color pink too! I too was a girlie girl right down to heels and toenail polish. I will be again, but right now feel completely stripped of femininity. Chemo has destroyed estrogen and I am an emo time bomb. I am still such a femme on the inside, but feel like no one will ever see it but me.

  • Wish1
    Wish1 Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2012

    I am sorry for the ladies that loved pink before it sucks when one more thing is stolen by this disease :( I thought I was through for a while but have to do 6 cycles of Dose Dense FAC- only upside is I will be through in 12 weeks instead of 18 weeks. I am betting the nurse that I snapped on over the pink blanket will not be bringing me pink this time!!

  • stillhere663
    stillhere663 Member Posts: 8
    edited May 2012

    I so admire the fight that everyone seems to have! For me personally, given the chance to go back and make different choices, I would let them keep the chemo. Quality of life is so important. Until you are there, you just do not realize what you are robbed of.

    The only pink that I want to hear about is the fantastic song by Aerosmith(haha) Give it a listen... might make you smile.

  • Wish1
    Wish1 Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2012

    So has anyone else had a chest wall recurrence post-bilateral? How about the Dose Dense option with an FAC combination? Any feedback appreciated- trying to put on my "nothing touches me face" but I am getting tired and part of me wants to fight like a girl one more time- and as Stillhere663 suggested I too sometimes think "no more- I quit"...

  • Cyndielou
    Cyndielou Member Posts: 1,459
    edited May 2012

    Hello Ladies...There doesnt seem to be a Lesbian BC forum that is very active ....as far as I can tell this is the one with the most recent activity so I hope you dont mind me stopping in.  I sometimes feel out of the loop not having a mastectomy or chemo and wonder where I belong..I did have a lumpectomy and sentinal lymphnode disection and am currently on my final stretch of rads I have 12 left 5 of which are a boost..and I look foward to a complete hysterectomy in relation in another month and a half....I split with my partner of 4 years 3 months before dx so what I am going thru is alone...I have family close by so that is a huge help but sometimes wish I had someone closer to me in other ways who's shoulder I could cry on.  I think I have done pretty good with my "nothing touches me face" like Wish mentioned but have moments.

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited May 2012

    Cyndielou,

    Going through this disease alone is tough. I know family and friends are great, but it is the day in and day out that you spend with a partner that makes this disease tolerable sometimes.

    I do not have breast cancer, but I was a caregiver. My partner, Robin, died about 2 months ago from complications due to breast cancer and I miss her dearly and I cannot imagine going through this crappy disease alone.

    If you would like pm me and we can exchange emails. Keep your chin up...I know it is hard...

  • Cyndielou
    Cyndielou Member Posts: 1,459
    edited May 2012

    Im so sorry Bunker....that has to be horrific...Frown

  • Bunker2007
    Bunker2007 Member Posts: 62
    edited May 2012

    Cyndie,

    This journey through cancer has not been easy but I have learned many things and have been around some amazing women who continue to fight this disease.

    I did lose the love of my life to this disease and that angers me to no end. I miss her tremendously. But Robin, my partner, would want me to continue to work hard for other lesbians fighting this disease. There isn't enough our there for us and there needs to be. Maybe that is my new cause??? I will see

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