I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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Thanks magiclight. Andyou certainly know about puppies, no rules, boundaries or limitations! Mylo is learning, as are we. He's a very busy boy at his puppy class that's for sure. We plan to keep him in classes for awhile, maybe agility later if he enjoys it. We got him 2 days before I was diagnosed with bc again so his time with us has been kind of crazy so far. But, nothing on the u/s today! Yay!! Radiologist and Tech both did u/s and then we had a good chat with radiologist. MRI focus determined to be I think she said background enhancement. Very very very relieved! So now on to surgery.
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Well I got an email from my surgeon tonight, while he's on vacation, telling me to go fill out some form for my MRI appt. I have no clue what he's talking about so he clarifies in another email that in fact the US came back suggesting repeat MRI because often US doesn't show anything but they always try it first because biopsies are easier that way. If it still shows up on MRI I guess they'll do an MRI guided biopsy. He said they want to make absolutely certain so they feel confident about omitting the sentinel node biopsy on that side. Well why didn't the freaking radiologist tell me that yesterday?? How did she not know that?? I wouldn't be pissed off about it if they told me yesterday! I'm totally tired of info that keeps changin
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goldie: Your story about the frustration that comes with information crosscurrents is all to common. One of my regrets is that I wish I knew about this site prior to surgery. You can review so many threads for clarification once you get some real data from the biopsies. My MRI guided biopsy did find BC in both breasts however when they did the bilat mastectomies only one breast was found to have cancer. The story I got is that the MRI guided biopsy got all the cancer on one side. Now that is something I wish I knew before they did mastectomy and sentinel node biopsy (both arms) leaving me with numbness/pain under both armpits. Bottom line, keep asking questions, read like crazy and write out your questions and give copy to doc.. I thinks docs are more comfortable with written material than verbal and you will be assured all questions on your list are addressed.
Looks like pup is getting off to a good in your family.
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Hello all! Newbie here!
What's going on?!
I'm a 27 year old, married queer lez who is currently recovering from a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction (12/30). Just started Tamoxifen on 1/31 and my period showed up yesterday! After 4 months away! My wife and I are in the process of conceiving (well, she is anyway) and I am so worried that I won't get pregnant (I'll stay on Tamoxifen for at least 2 years before trying.) I'm just glad hell is over (chemo)!! Never, ever again! I feel my cancer comes back one day (and it would be metastatic)...well, we'll see.
Cheers!
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Hi Astral, I replied on your other post too but wanted to welcome you to this topic stream. My wife and I thought about having kids in our 20's and ultimately decided to go the 4-legged kid route. It's 30 years later and we've had 4 cats and 3 dogs, just 1 of each left now. Good luck with your baby planning!
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I am OUT here. Not that anyone would notice. Been out most my life. I recently had a mastectomy. It seems breast cancer is more a tabu subject at times than being Gay.err..Lesbian. Glad I found this site. But yes I am here. I live in Los Angeles.This is my third go round with cancer. It gets lonely..Family really does not want to deal with my having cancer AGAIN. I get it. They get weary too. I am looking in to weather or not I should undergo chemo. I just had the Onco type test and now wait to see the results. I am not sure if the onco test should be the deciding factor. Surgeon did not do a node biopsy of any kind. Because he says I had 17 removed in 1998. I have two masses and DCIS in the breast that was removed. May only be getting Tomoxifin. So I am a bit antsy about that.
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holly... Sorry you have to deal with cancer again. There are several threads on this site that have much information about the treatments you are considering and their relationship to Onco types etc. Wishing you some peaceful moments and a reliable support group as you go through this crazy time of deciding on treatments while recovering from your recent mastectomy.
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Yep, I'm here too. Diagnosed at the end of Feb, 2017. Had lumpectomy, now having radiation. I'm still working and work at the place I'm getting treatment which is slightly weird. My partner (we're married but don't really like the word "wife") has been an absolute brick.
This cancer stuff is a serious drag. Mine was caught early and I don't have to have chemo, which I'm thankful for. But every time you go in to get treatment it's a reminder that something is wrong with you.
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I'm new to this forum, but I want to put my two cents in... Yes, lesbians are facing breast cancer too, so you are not alone. I also wanted to say that I have participated in studies through Army of Women and one of them was on how the medical field responds to lesbians with breast cancer. That's my way of saying some people in the breast cancer field are looking for ways to support us through breast cancer. Hang in there!
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I will also share that this kind of isolation is why I recently published my book, I'd Rather Love Life Than Hate Cancer. I also have a blog at dratherlovelifethanhatecancer. My writing is how I process my cancer experience, which is continuing on today. It is also my effort to reach out to other lesbians struggling with breast cancer. I don't know if either will make you feel less isolated, but maybe it could help. I know that looking for lesbian breast cancer survivors was difficult when I was diagnosed. I wish you peace and comfort.
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Add me to the list!
I was diagnosed in May. Just had a mastectomy (right) 3 weeks ago. Been back at work for a couple of weeks.
I'm waiting for more testing of the tumors (oncotyping) to see if chemo is in my future.
jbarthels - interested in looking at your blog.
Wishing a good weekend for everyone.
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Hi lifeisgood33,
Glad to see you are feeling good and I hope chemo is not in your future. Waiting for results stresses me out.
I have a question, does anyone have any suggestions how I can use the woman's restroom in public? I am a big butch dyke and am mistaken for a man all the time. I am not having reconstruction. The single bathrooms for either sex are great, and the transsexual push for bathrooms has helped, but not everywhere.
Any suggestions? T-shirt announcing I am a woman and I have breast cancer, something along those lines?
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BPgas, that's a very good question. I'm a femme lesbian with no breasts, and I am very tall, and am called "sir" quite a bit (which quite honestly pisses me off).
Have you had trouble going in the restrooms? I've had looks but no direct confrontations.
I have a truck driving big butch friend who regularly just uses the mens room. She says it's easier that way and she doesn't get hassled for it. Just heads for a stall and shuts the door.
If I can think of anything that might help, I'll let you know!
JJ
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I had a direct confrontation in a Cracker Barrel (southern) restroom. I still had my drainage tubes in and, after 6 months of chemo was totally bald. This woman chased me into the bathroom saying “Sir, Sir, you’re in the wrong restroom.” I turned to her and said no, I’m not, I’m a woman with cancer. She actually went and got a manager. By then, my DP of 20-odd years had figured out something was wrong and had run to my side. Now my DP, Deborah isn’t someone to mess with — she was the first telephone lineman in Georgia (but I could still out bench press her). As only a true red dirt woman can she cussed them up one side and down the other. The manager wept when Deborah asked just how the f*ck she would feel 9f someone did that to her daughter and then finished her off with the comment “this woman and I raised two fine men and our granddaughters had more kindness and empathy when they were 2 than either of you two uptight women will ever have.” Sigh, I love Deborah.
bride
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Hello!!!
I'm new here, out, proud and recently diagnosed. I'm 52, been with my wife for 18 years (married for 4 1/2) and mothers to a "spoiled" dog (he's our life)
Got the news about the cancer on 12/22 right before Christmas and although it was hard to take, I know I have to be strong and beat it.
BS gave me the option of a Lumpectomy or a Mastectomy. I decided to "go flat" and she's ok with that, but after the visit with the MO last week, he kind of made us think things over. I requested another appt. with the BS to discuss our concerns so that we can make the final decision before seeing the RO on Monday. Wife is ok with any decision I take, she just wants the cancer out and for me to be well.
Any thoughts about either surgeries would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
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It was my experience that I was quite pressured to do immediate construction. I had three lumpectomies and then a bilateral mastectomy. It was like they thought that I was wrong to not want what they were offering. Between the medical personnel and my friends and society in general (except my partner), I ended up making the worst decision of my life and had the expanders put in. The first thing I said when I came out of anesthesia was TAKE THIS THING OUT OF ME!
This is not to say that it's not the right decision for others to make - many have and are satisfied with their choices. I had my expanders out three weeks later after being in pain that was maddening. It's NOT like that for all women.
I am happy that I had them out. I'm not happy being flat and cannot wear any "foobs" sort of thing because of lingering pain almost 7 years out from the expanders being put in. So I choose my wardrobe carefully and put my big girl panties on and deal with it.
Don't let anyone talk you into something that you do not absolutely believe is the right way to go. I never will again, for sure.
JJ
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Hello, Astral.
I just came across your post from early January. It seems we have a lot in common. I am also 52 and have been with my wife for (not as long as you have been with yours) thirteen years. I was diagnosed just over a month ago and have been super struggling since. It's not so much the diagnosis, but all that comes with it: treatment, work and family disruption, and the ever-mounting bills.
Anyway, I just thought I'd say hello.
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Hi ladies,
Glad to see this thread is still giving support to the women in our community. Im just past my 10 year mark having been diagnosed when I was 42. I had a bilateral with immediate reconstruction, which I also felt pressured to get. I had a DIEP procedure, which doesn’t include expanders, but 10 years later I still deal with the side effects of them using parts of my stomach muscles to build the foundation for my replacements.
I did 2 forms of chemo over 9 months, then continued Herceptin for another 3 months. I’m happy to answer any questions regarding surgery, chemo, or the AIs I took for 5 years.
Be well,
Bonnie
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I am coming up on 9 years. I dealt with all this in 2009. .. now my wife just found out has IDC with lymph node testing positive too. I could deal with it for myself but I now feel so helpless. We go to surgeon this week.
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Lovegolf, if you can provide support to your wife, then you are anything but helpless. Support is the most of us can do for another and from experience I know it is a most valuable gift.
Any news from the surgeon?
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Dr says needs to do MX. She is on board at the Dr and says she wants Bilat MX with reconstruction but then changes mind next day. We are going to get a 2nd opinion so that might make the choice seem better. She has going to have surgery on 5/1 which would be 9 year to the day of mine but they can not get on schedule that day. Good news is that the 2nd site that is positive did not have lymph tissue so not in nodes.
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Hi Bonnie,
I'm super-new here (diagnosed on 4/17) but am very curious to hear about your experiences with breast reconstruction, as I will definitely lose my right breast and may lose both, depending on my MRI results. I'm thinking of going the "flap" route, which uses my own tissue to reconstruct my breasts, but I am just now beginning to look into it. Would be grateful to learn about what this has been like for you and what your lingering side effects are. I'm an A-cup, so I have small boobs (which I have always loved!) but I'm not sure I'm ready to go flatter than I already am! (I'm 48)
Thank you for sharing anything you're willing to.
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Hello again!!!
I had forgotten about coming back for a response about my post. Anyway, I did have a BMX in January and an axillary dissection 2 weeks later because the one lymph node taken out had a micro-metastasis. Luckily the 9 others came out clean. I don't need rad or chemo (Oncotype Score is 16, low), I'm only on AI (Arimidex). I'm having a fat grafting procedure this coming Tuesday due to the fact that I was left with a concave hole on my right side and now after 3 months of the surgery, the left side is starting to sink in. Hopefully this will help with the pain and discomfort, I can't sleep on my side. Wish me luck.
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Hi everyone,
Lovegolf, I hope everything's going well with you and your wife.
Well, I had to stop the Arimidex at the end of May because of severe side effects. I have RA and the bone pain was so severe that I couldn't stand it anymore. Severe fatigue, hot flashes and loss of appetite (lost weight, which is good
) were severe too. I started Tamoxifen today. My MO says it will help me better than the AI, let's see. Wish me luck. 
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I have that shirt! Hi all! Had a double mastectomy on Monday. Worried no one will find me attractive without boobs. Anyone?
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oh, JeReSq, we are sorry you have gone through this, but you will find so many women who have battled this issue, and find themsellves very far above that, with love and genuine friendship! W'e
re here for you!
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Wishing all a happy new year and hope that 2019 brings each of us a bit more serenity, peace, healing.
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Hello Everyone,
Nice to have a PLU section of this site. I just started Chemo Taxol once a week with Herceptin, This mix for 12 weeks then just Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. It is interesting to find out in the community just how many Lesbians have BC, Most of my friends are older and had their treatments about 10 years ago so their experience although helpful is so different from what the current treatments hold for us all I am hoping to have some discussions about the process we are all going through.
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Hello Jes, sorry you have to join the group (cancer, that is). I cannot talk about chemo as I did not follow that path, but there are so many here and on other threads that have. Explore them all and I expect others will jump in with their insights and connections. (((hugs))) to you.
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Hi magiclight,
That is great that you are not getting Chemo, that was my first path 9 years ago. I was just kind of hoping to have general discussions about all phases of this BC adventure, not specifically Chemo. Case in point I had a port (for Chemo of course) put in 10 days ago and after 5 days I popped the stitches and now need to have surgery again to fix it. Minor surgery but surgery none the less. I think most Lesbians are so independent and we do basically everything on our own so I have a feeling that popping stitches isn't a unique problem. I am so accustomed to just lifting stuff up, reaching over my head for stuff that I am going to put my arm in a sling after the next surgery for at least a week so it kind of gives me the hint not to use it. I am was up until a few months ago an avid swimmer and it is driving me crazy that I can't get in the water! Now another 5 weeks before swimming laps. Ugh...
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