August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
Comments
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Good day chemosabes and radicals-
I hope you all are having a lovely day.
I am making sauce today which is my favorite! I also use bracciole steaks and make my famous meatballs....it is going to be a GOOD Sunday!
Sometimes I reflect on the entire process of chemo and going to that "infusion room" which I hate and how I am making it through. I guess I really don't think about it much and that is how I do it. The very thought of that chemo room makes me nauseous. It is too hot and there are no windows to look out of....it is like a dungeon. Oh well....another week before I have to go back there so I will just put it out of my mind once again!
Ladyinbama: that is very funny! It is about time someone did something like that!
Well, back to cooking----later, gators!
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Lizzy - that's completely normal about associating the cancer room with feeling sick. All during AC and for two weeks or so afterwards, I could not look at anything RED. Seriously - my mom brought red antibacterial handsoap and put it in my bathroom and I had to take it out. And every time I walked into the cancer center and smelled the coffee machine I felt sick too. Thought it would ruin me for coffee, but since I drink a really good organic brand, it smells differently than a "machine" and it hasn't ruined it for me. Try not to eat something you really like during chemo - I had DH pick me up rice pudding during my first chemo and I can't even THINK about it now -even the homemade kind.....
DH is putting up the tree - we have an artificial one - okay...he's decided it will take up less room if we don't put on the BACK branches. So essentially we have HALF a Christmas tree up against the window....I'm trying to comprehend this; totally bizarre. He agreed if it's TOO weird that we can change it.....we'll see
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I am 4 days post final chemo and starting to feel a little achey. Go figure this weekend will be the one that my oldest hockey team advances to the finals of a tournament (husband is there with him) and my youngest has hockey. Therefore, I need to drag this chemo butt to an arena for a couple of hours...hopefully make it home in one piece. Am looking forward to a quiet couple of days watching movies to hopefully see the end of any side effects. Still feels strange knowing no more chemo---only souvenir of my last chemo is a giant bruise on my hand from needle problems (won't miss those). Now have a break--try to get my energy levels back up and get some exercise....but for now---just relax. Strangely, I haven't been able to read throughout chemo (and I used to read like crazy)---now chemo done, can start reading again and have started and almost finished a book---strange--I guess my brain is relaxing a bit more
Happy Sunday.0 -
lizzy- Is it possible that someone could have stole it out of the box while in the store? Just a thought.
I'd like to hear if anyone is having menopause se besides night sweats. I haven't had the night sweats, but my mind is driving me crazy, lol seriously. Plus I have a had time sleeping at night, I take an over the counter sleep aide but isn't helping much. just wondering if this is hormonal. I am not on the meds. for hormone positive I don't need that wondering if that makes a difference in chemo-pause.
I am also wondering how radiation is going for those of you getting it. Any se? I can't wait , NOT!
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I don't know Sue. I am not on any hormonals yet just the chemo. I have hot flashes a lot and they wake me up at night. Sleep is more choppy since chemopause too, maybe 2 hours at a stretch is good. My moods are ok but I work from home. I don't do much, if I was doing more I have a feeling I would be short-tempered. I don't even talk on the phone much.0
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rachel - I'm having the same feelings. I feel like okay - I'm seven days out of my last one and tomorrow's Monday. My "good" week during chemo. But I'm STILL so tired and having side effects. The leg pains come and go and last night they were really bad! I couldn't lie still. I couldn't sleep - my nose was all stuffed up - nothing in there, just swollen membranes, so I couldn't sleep. Where i had surgery on my mastectomy side really hurts - like burning nerve pain especially if I stretch those muscles. I thought I would be doing better than this by now. I think that last taxol really layered it on the other three and my body's having trouble detoxing the chemo and getting "over" it this time.
I'm unmotivated to put up the tree, but tomorrow I have several orders to ship and school to get prepared for the kids. I think we're going to skip school tomorrow - DD is sleeping at a friend's tonight so she can't do it anyway, but a day to breathe after this weekend --just to try to normalize a little bit and not put pressure on me to do lesson plans tonight might be what i need. It's cyber Monday after all - have to scope out the deals! JUST got notified that Vitacost will be having free shipping for Cyber Monday, and i've been holding an order that i was going to put in just in case they did something for cyber monday!
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Rachel: I am soooo happy you can read again! Perhaps your mind wanted to disassociate from anything it enjoys during rotten chemo! I am also so glad you are done. I like hockey and my brother played from pee-wee right on up so from age 4 on I was in the rinks every season. In Connecticut we had a team called the Hartford Whalers for years and then something happened and the Whalers were gone. Well, the Whalers are BACK! I am so happy. I am going to buy season tickets. I like watching baseball on tv but I like hockey live. I can't wait. It was a very successful turnout also which was encouraging for the franchise as well in this economy. In any case, I hope you made it through the game without feeling bad and congrats on your oldest advancing to the finals also
Iowa: I think you are talking about me with the missing Claritin! The boxes were gone...every trace of it was gone. So gross....there have also been kids in and out of here and who knows what they might be able to do with it?! I will never know. BTW, I have a hard time sleeping. I sleep for about 2--3 hours and am up...sweating usually and heading off to the bathroom from all of the fluids I drink. I have a hard time getting to sleep also and do take a xanax occassionally which definitely helps. This, of course, means my MIND is keeping me up! ALSO, I am definitely short-tempered. Like Omaz I am not doing too much but, if I were, I think I would notice it more. I am Irish and Italian so my temper is not good to begin with but nowadays I have no patience. The other night at Kohls I was watching the cashier fumble and fumble and fumble with the bag until finally I just took the bag and my purchase and said 'have a good night!' Classic chemo-related nonsense. In long, you are in good company (or at least I would like to think so!).
Calamtykel: Half a tree!?!?!? I also had to push myself to put it up but, like most things these days, I have to push myself to do everything. It is just the way it is. This fatigue is nothing short of alarming. I am going to try to do a few normal workouts this week. Fatigue gets worse if you feed it so maybe a few workouts will starve it for a while! Who knows....I am sure I will have to nap as soon as I am done!
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calamtykel: btw, good point on not eating or drinking anything you enjoy during chemo. They have these pre[-packaged lunches and they try to give them to us...GROSS! The very thought of it makes me sick. Now I am down to just fluids while in that room. I am so sick with the whole idea and am absolutely enthralled there are only 2 left. I will be so glad to put this behind me. Unlike you, I have been weird about coffee since I began chemo. I don't drink it daily and, at this point, only about once per week. I did not want to ruin coffee for myself also! Last tx I had pizza with a friend at an excellent New Haven, well-known spot and I was quite dismayed. I just hope I have not ruined the pizza I love with chemo junk! I cannot wait until January 15th when hopefully I am done with gross chemo mouth and body and can get back to a normal existence.0
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Hi Ladies, well today is day 4 after last tx. and I feel worse or as bad as I did after the first tx. when my white count was so low because of no neupogen. I"m going to look at this as the half full glass because it's the last time [hopefully] that I will feel this CRAPPY because of chemo. If I can make it through today, and I think I will, considering the alternative, this feeling of being immersed in sludge will be gone forever. There is no question that the effects of chemo is cummulative and the last one will more than likely kick you in the arse and make you ever so grateful that this phase is over. I choose not to be part of the support group that is available to me at my local hospital because this diagnosis has made me into a weeping willow that cries at t.v. ads, songs and anything remotely melancholy. At least here you guys can't see the ugly cry as I read your posts, post my posts and I can wear my jammies and no make-up, all good. Next stop: radiation and all the gifts this phase has to offer and the anti-hormone therapy. To us all, a good long and healthy outcome.
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Lizzy - the food they have at our chemo center is atrocious. I am planning on talking to the doctor about it during my next visit. Sitting there having chemo and the old lady volunteers push the cart in and try to coerce you into eating something. The "something" is pre-packaged Oreos, Nutter Butters, Rice Krispie treats (is there NOTHING more disgusting than the fake pre-packaged rice krispy treats>?!) potato chips (at least they "started" out as a real food somewhere along the way....) etc. etc. They do have sandwiches, but nitrates give me raging headaches and wheat makes me really constipated under the best of circumstances, so they aren't an option. But at least they have a degree of nutrition in them. The other "snacks" are awful! How about throwing an apple or banana or some grapes on the snack cart? How about yogurt? They keep the water and sandwiches on ice - they could throw some containers of yogurt in there too! For goodness sake these are people with CANCER - why are we pushing oreos and vienna fingers on them? Sometimes they will come and shake the bowl of "treats" in front of me to try to coerce me and I"ll just say thank you, but I can't have any of those things because of the ingredients......
UGH! Anyhow - hoping I (and all of you!) feel better. This last treatment really took it all out of me. My mastectomy site hurts....
like the skin is stretching and burning. I just hope this all goes away this week. In about 2 weeks I'm planning on starting a detox program through the nutritionist...... 0 -
Cal - My lumpectomy area has started hurting a bit too. Nothing wrong, doc just checked, just kindof hurts. Must be the chemo. I would like to know what detox you do. Since I had the platinum salt chemo (carboplatin) I was wondering about detoxing that. It binds to DNA and messes it up, be nice to get the unneeded part out of my system!!0
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Hi everyone, good sunday evening to you and to those of you that follow Canadian Football, and yes we do have a league!! Happy Grey Cup!
Reading- Yep. I can read now too, it's amazing and has completely added to the quality of my life again. I'm very glad to hear that you're finding that too Rachel. I'm currently reading The Bone Woman, by Clea Koff. Excellent.
Menopause- so I'm officially in menopause and my onco wants to keep me there. I'm feeling really blue about this, there's something so sad to me that that part of my life is done. I feel old prematurely. Also she explained that the effects of menopause, once started or exacerbated, by chemo are likely too be worse than usual. Terrrible night sweats, etc. But for me I've also experienced mood swings like never before. Crying, raging, yelling at fellow drivers etc. Trying to keep it under control and I think it is gettting a little better.
Life at the end of Radiation- Two words- not fun. The first three weeks were a breeze. No SE whatsoever. This week has been very rough, lots of fatigue and a red swollen breast with white pustules all over it. Verrrry uncomfortable. I've also had the fatigue back like at the end of chemo.My onco said I can expect to feel and look this way for another 2 weeks after rads. Rads ends for me tomorrow.
Post Cancer Treatment Breakdown- fell to pieces this week, lots of crying about what my life used to look like and how uncertain the future felt. My onco is incredible and she told me to take it really, really easy on myself. She said, "imagine you've been in a hospital bed for the last 14 weeks". Exercise as if this was the case, rest as if this were the case, etc. I stopped taking my low dose anti anxiety med (cipralex 10mg) about 5 weeks ago now, I did this b/c I wanted my life back to being drug free. I also wanted my sex drive back- now I don't think we've talked about this on this thread, so forgive me if I'm going into too-much-info territory, but I miss the life we had and that included a really fun sex life. I want it all back. My energy. My hair. My youthful skin. etc. etc. Is that too much to ask? I started reading some of the post chemo boards about hormonal systemic treatment like tamoxifin and others (can't remember the names) but they were talking about hanging up the ol' hat and letting go of all of this. I can't do that. I don't WANT to do that. It absolutely terrified me when they started talking about "vaginal atrophy". ARGGGHHHHH!!!! That is not the quality of life I want. The onco told me that I can expect all of my menopause SE to get worse on Tamoxifen. She also assured me that many women have little to no side effects but STILL. Quality of life comes into play here, right??? I guess if I am one of those women who falls apart on tamoxifen then I can choose to drop it.
Are any of you thinking of these things too???
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Sweeney - yeah, I am thinking about them. And pushing the thoughts away because they make me sad.
I'm 41 - I'm not ready for the SE's of tamox and to get "old" before my time. the more I hear the more scared I get and I have heard of so many women for whom it's failed. I haven't looked at the statistics...I HOPE seriously that it is worth it! But I'm trying not to think about it now - until my three week app't with the doctor to discuss it. RIght now my emotions are all over the map and one more "worry" is not what I need to be pondering on. But yes, I do think about it anyway and it is upsetting to me. Omaz -- not sure what he will do. He already started saying things like "vegetables for breakfast lunch and dinner - tons of cruciferous stuff". I'm already doing that - it's very easy since I love kale and broccoli rabe. I have broccoli rabe every day for lunch and now I'm discovered that Kale steamed and then sauteed is equally as good.
I know he does some kind of detox foot bath that he wants me to have. DH has had it several times - you start with your feet in an ionizing salt solution in a foot bath machine. It detoxes all kinds of crap from your system - DH said when he was done it was brown and lumpy and the consistency of thick gravy! I told the nutritionist that I don't want to do it yet even though he wanted me to-- told him let's wait until I'm ALL done with chemo. Don't wanna suck the chemo out if it should be there just yet.
We have another "wellness" center in town and a friend who had BC did a detox through them. I'm not sure what the program was but she said she felt much better once she was done. I think finding any kind of alternative center and asking if they have such programs would be a start......
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OH and I did my Cyber Monday shopping tonight. I'm officially poor now - bought a new desktop! Best Buy has a Compaq Presario, 3gb for $379 and it's $100 off for cyber monday - so it's just $279 - free shipping -having it sent to the store since DH works right across from a best buy.
Our current desktop is almost 5 years old and is showing signs of slowing down significantly......0 -
Hi All...
HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL... YOU ALL ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS...
I have my pre-surgery appointment on Dec 2... I am not looking forward to the surgery at all... delayed reconstruction... I will be breast-less for a while...OMG... reality is setting in... uuuggghhh...
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Onemonga: you should not let your tears keep you away from the support group! I am sure you would have company. I did not join a support group because I don't really take to those things too well if that makes sense? It is not for me. We are all periodically melancholy, onemonga, and sad so you should not think you are alone in that. That is what a support group is for
Calamtykel: please keep me posted on what your detox diet looks like. I really want to do everything possible nutritionally post-chemo for like 6 weeks. I can't stand that this poison has been in my body and want to do whatever I can to CLEAN my body out short of a master cleanse. I just think that would be too dangerous post-chemo but perhaps a colonic would be ok!??!?! As for the food at your chemo center, that is gross. Yogurt and fruit would be very nice. They do have sandwiches and carrots at Yale but the thought of eating in that room makes me want to reach for the "in-flight" bag!!
CYBER MONDAY!!!!! Nice job on that computer deal! I just bought a used desktop off of CL for $150! I feel like a jerk now! Oh well...I have 5 computers so I should just shut up! I have one desktop that has been acting up and the other 3 are notebooks and netbooks. I wanted another desk top...I wish I had waited now! Oh well...I never get a bargain. My sister, however, has always been the one scoring bargains. Oh well....!
Sweeney: HAPPY, HAPPY GREY CUP! Glad you are reading again. As for menopause, asking women in their early 40's to GLADLY give up their sex lives is wrong. I am no hot tamale since this chemo crap started...at all. In fact, I pretty much dismissed my boyfriend. I did not like him all that much anyway!!!!!! You all must think I am sooo harsh...perhaps I am! I just don't like settling. The other reason is entertaining that thing is a problem on chemo and you never know what they might do to find entertainment. Trust is huge and the idea of opening up my body to HARM in any form is something I am totally not interested in. I guess what I am trying to say is it is even harder when you are not married because now all those other things come into play. Bottom line is when I am mate shopping again, I will likely be more careful and demand blood tests before any contact simply because after going through this healthcare disaster I would NEVER want to open myself up for stupid trouble in that form. I don't, however, think if you refuse that part of your life, you don't have to. You might have to take some "start me up" stuff etc... but you will have that part of your life back. I just agree with everyone that at our ages we should not be entertaining "senior sexuality!!!!!"
As for an uncertain future, that is paradox. The future has ALWAYS been uncertain! There was never a lick of certainty. The 2 words being used together is the epitome of an oxymoron! You have to live each day for that day and that day only. Today is the present, tomorrow is a gift and it has always been that way. There is nothing new under the sun. Try not to look too far ahead as you might scare yourself! I don't know about you but I suck at predicting the future! Take it easy on yourself. As for being upset with other drivers, I live in the NY tri-state= always crazy on the roads! I95 is like an amusement park ride!
Sohardbnme: BREASTLESS is where it is at!!!!!!!! I still have my post-surgery TEs in! I have not had 1 fill! It has been great! I hated my DDs! HATED them. I used to run Central Park and my friend and I had to TAPE them down and wear 2 sports bras. In addition, I hated, hated, hated the attention those jokers garnered! It is so nice to have normal size, albeit fake, boobs! Foobs is what we refer to them as all over this site. Plus no more bras, no more mammos, no more stupid bc fears AND they don't move!!!!!!! WHOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!! I get my permanent implants in April. Looking forward to that. PM me anytime if you want to chat it up about the whole process. For me it is probably the single best decision I made for myself in a long, long time. I wish you the best and will be thinking of you on Dec 2. Keep us posted on where you are at with it all.
Sauce: it came out grrrrrrreate! I love making sauce and meatballs. I use turkey for the meatballs and they are great. I love, love this and it is the one time when I actually get some good protein in me that is not filled with mercury!!! GO FDA!
Sweet dreams to you all-
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This weeks poem is for Sweeney:
Let us not worry
About the future.
Let us only do the right thing
Today,
At this moment,
Here and Now.
Let the future take care of
Itself.
The FutureThe future: time's excuse
to frighten us; too vast
a project, too large a morsel
for the heart's mouth0 -
Thanks Lizzy....that poem works for me right now. In a big way. XO
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The radiologist onc. gave me great comfort about bc and if god forbid it came back in the future, She told me they are making great strides in tx for breast cancer and if it came back in 5- 10 years the txs will be even better. This gives me some comfort about recurrence.Live for today, prepare for the future. Have a great day ladies!!
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IowaSue44 Thanks for sharing that. I like to know that medical science is still moving forward for us.0
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"The radiologist onc. gave me great comfort about bc and if god forbid it came back in the future, She told me they a making great strides in tx for breast cancer and if it came back in 5- 10 years the txs will be even better"
My oncologists say the exact same thing and it also gives me great hope.
Thanks for sharing this.
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Zachsmom and IowaSue: do either of you know of anyone who had bc 10 years ago? Aunts, mothers, sisters? If so, you know that today we are enjoying infinitely better care than they had so why would we not be having even better, more cutting edge care 10 years out?? I don't think the medical industrial complex is going to move backwards on this matter. There is HOPE today never mind 10 years out. 10 years ago women were dying quickly from our exact dxs. We don't need to wait 10 years for hope....it is here already, in the now. If you want hope, you can thank God for your experience today and for the medical strides that have already been made. Almost everyone on this thread, after all these txs, are in the 90% 5+ year survival rate range....that, I am only pretty sure, is the definition of hope.0
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Sweeney: It's not just you ladies in their 40s who are missing their sex life; I'm 53 and wondering where the heck mine has gone! I'm also a newlywed (it was one year in October) so it's really bugging me that I'm having to deal with this so early in my marriage. One of the reasons I married my husband was because we were so hot for each other and now "the thrill is gone" if you know what I mean. There are a couple of threads on here that talk about it (sex issues, loss of mojo) that you might want to check out. When I mentioned it to my onc he wasn't real helpful. He said when I start tamoxifen, I'll have a whole new set of sexual side effects to deal with, so we'll just wait see what we can do then. That's January, so I guess we'll just muddle through until then.
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OMG sad news for me. Sitting here getting herceptin and I asked them about getting TCH again on Thur. Dec. 2nd and about it being so close to herceptin today, nurse call Onc. and guess what that is to soon : ( moved my last TCH to Mon. the 6th, I was so ready to get it over with. Plus I thought my yucky days would be over the wkend. So sad.
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zenith After having treatment delayed due to being sick I am now also due for a chemo on Christmas Eve. I will talk to them this Friday when I go in for treatment and see what they say about scheduling the next one. Based on my original schedule I would have had a treatment on the 10th and another on the 31st so I was planning to go to Jacksonville (a 3 hour drive) over Christmas but now I'm not sure if that will work out.
Treatment related nausea My onc gave me a prescription for Xanax to take before treatment, he said that the anti-anxiety meds (Xanax or Ativan) are the best for nausea that is triggered by seeing the treatment room, etc. So if you are having nausea prior to treatment and have anti-anxiety meds, you can give those a try. Just be sure you have someone to drive you!
Support groups I have not gone to a local support group, for whatever reason I just felt like I could not handle that. This group has been a great source of support and I like that I can come to it whenever I need it.
Tamoxifen I have purposefully been avoiding reading about Tamoxifen. I know I will have to take it but right now I need to focus my energy on getting through chemo and then I'll deal with Tamoxifen once chemo is done. It makes me really sad to think about it, I am only 33 and have not had kids yet. My onc has already said that I should do a minimum of 2 years of Tamoxifen before stopping to try to have kids but I don't know if stopping early will make me too afraid of relapse. And of course I also hate the alternative of having to wait so long to have kids. So I just try not to think about all of that very often.
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I am 5 days post last chemo and feel OK--not great--but OK. I am more disappointed that my energy levels are so low--I can barely do anything without taking a break. Went grocery shopping this AM and came home, put the bags down, got a tea and took a break. I was hoping to get back to the gym in the next couple of weeks--but not sure how my energy level will respond. My Doc also said to go easy, after all this time--body needs to recuperate. I went from cervical cancer into rad hyst and then 3 weeks later into breast cancer--therefore, my energy levels for sex were/are pretty low. I don't like to read about the side effects of Tamoxifen and what that may add. I have a few weeks before I start Tamoxifen and start rads in Jan. I am just hoping that with time--my energy levels will come back and I'll feel a little more like my old self. With regards to support groups, I joined one in my local community a few weeks ago--it ran for 8 weeks and was good--it is a little hard at first but gradually, you take from it what works. There is a group of us still getting together on less formal basis.
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LadyinBama- I can only imagine how a new marriage must be with all this, sounds like you picked the right guy though! I've tried those boards on "returning mojo" and honestly they scare me. Nobody on there is getting any!;) I have a feeling that all of the women who've figured it out are out there not thinking about it anymore....:)
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Just an FYI. One of my facebook friends (someone I graduated high school with) was also a cista. She is on Tamoxifen and said the only SE she gets is a little tinnitus but only notices it when it's completely quite. She said her friend is on Arimidex and has no symptoms.
My point is not everyone gets SE or bad SE with these drugs. Many times you will get them during the first few months then they subside.
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Lizzy: I did not mean to say that I don't go to the support groups outside of this board because I cry at the drop of a hat. What I meant to convey is that when I start to talk and the ugly cry begins, the start and stop of it all makes me totally unable to make my point. Here on this wonderful and informative site I can express myself and hopefully be supportive to all who have chosen to be on it. We all come to this place from different places, logistically, age, economic statis and cultural guidences but we have one dynamic thing in common that we share here and I for one will be eternally grateful for this special opportunity. Today's much better and tommorow will be even greater.
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Onemonga: I never said you cry at the drop of a hat. I understand that you get upset, start the crying and can't complete your sentences. I have been there and I know what you mean about that uncontrollable cry but all I was trying to do was encourage you in going to a support group and not let the crying hold you back. You know best, however. I did not mean to impart you are an emotional basket case. People with bc, and all c's for that matter, cry. It is sad thing. With 1 in 4 in this country being dxd with some form of "c," we have a lot of company. This board is a great place to share. It works for me. I don't like support groups. Don't go to the support group if it does not work for you.0
