August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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Lizzy & calamtykel Not sure if I mentioned this but I use a little Vaseline up my nose once I get the bleeding to stop. Seems to work well especially at night.
I totally understand about the "that has nothing to do with chemo". I don't know if I have posted about Nurse Ratched here. I remember when I reported the nose bleed and told her I thought it was from Herceptin she said it wasn't… then met with my onc 2 weeks later and before I got to finish she(onc) said "Oh that's from Herceptin. We don't know why that happens"
I don't report my issues to Nurse Ratched anymore. I got straight to the chemo nurse first. The only time I will have to deal with Nurse Ratched is if I need medication for something… and we have decided my DH will call/email not me. Great guy but do not piss him off. He gets mad maybe once every 2 years. He has a nice strong deep voice, 6' tall, works out every day, big shoulders. He can pass as a good looking mob hit man (Italian or Russian mob). ;-)
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Lizzy - maybe it's because everybody ELSE figures, okay, you're done - that we expect it of ourselves. The attention stops - all the dinners and well wishes to rest, etc. Just not sure how I'm supposed to take it easy though now that we're thrown into Christmas. I don't know what to get the kids - not even sure what we can afford. Need to sell, but that takes time too away from the other stuff and I want to do fun Christmas stuff with the kids.
The kids are starting their school and I'm just going to try to enjoy today even if means the cancer center and staples. Maybe I'll try to hit AC moore and get some stocking stuffers!
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Ann and Omaz: last night I had some left over "French's Onions" from the thanksgiving green bean casserole so I chomped up some of those! I feel better this morning but thank you so much for the reminder on salt. I am going to call the "that has nothing to do with chemo" to find out if they should do additional bloodwork as I go for my weekly today and I will preface my questions "I suspect this has nothing to do with chemo but.....!!!"
Lago: I am so glad you mentioned the vaseline. I am going to do that tonight. I know my nose bleeding has *nothing* to do with the very innocuous chemo so I won't even bring that up! How the heck could they could tell you your nose bleeding has nothing to do with chemo? Also, the lack of standardized information: ask one of them and they look at you like you have 2 heads and immediately tell you chemo is not the culprit; ask another and they are ambivalent; ask yet another and they are confident it is connected to chemo! Straight answers please!!!!!
Calamtykel: Oh...I know what you mean now about the support ceasing just as chemo did. I am fiercely independent, and I don't have kids don't forget, so I really did not have a lot of people like making meals etc... and, in fact, I had very few people that did anything but for me this is more by choice than anything else. If I had kids I am sure, just like you, there would have been an outpouring of support but, at the same time, just because you are done with chemo you *just* finished and you still have kids and the holidays and all those things to attend to. It is hard and I have said it many times, my hat goes off to you all who have kids and were tending to this battle as well. It is so very much to deal with and especially because you home school (best thing you could ever do) which is basically like having 2 full time jobs. I give you a lot of credit but my credit unfortunately does not put energy in your tank!
Christmas is tough also. There is so much materialism thrust upon kids that it is hard to have a lean holiday. I am sure they will appreciate whatever they get especially because they know what you have been going through. AC Moore is a good idea for stocking stuffers. I would also consider getting nice, hardcover journal books for each of them chronicling the year, your battle with bc and what each one of them did to make it easier and how much you appreciate each one of them for their support. They will have it forever as a treasured gift and a memory of how they made your life easier during this time. Just an idea...!
I am playing Blackberry and Palm fun trying to get my 1200 contacts off the Blackberry and Palm onto ONE computer....ugh...the battle rages on!
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lizzymack The onc said it was from Herceptin it was the onc nurse (aka Nurse Ratched…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-HaxWnNEFE) that is quick to dismiss. I knew she was incorrect because I have read that Herceptin can causes nose bleeds from reliable sources. I wasn't confused just angered again at N. Ratched dismissing my concerns and knowledge. She was ready to send me to a ENT doctor to get is my nose cauterized if it continued.Yes we need to be equipped with our own knowledge.
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Cal - When my daughter was younger I used to give her mommy coupons for Christmas with her other gifts. It would be a note for a 'bike ride with mom', 'watch a movie with mom', go for a walk, paint a picture, stuff like that. She is an only child so she always loves to do things with my husband and I. In fact, I think I'll do it again this year, she has been such a huge help to me through all the chemo and surgery and I have NOT been very much fun.0
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Ann: I was a D cup and told my PS I wanted to go smaller, maybe a B cup. He said I wouldn't be happy with that, so he has in expanders that are, I guess, about a C. He said we can "over fill" and then go smaller with the final implant if that is what I want. And, I guess he was right; I don't think I want to be any smaller than I am, so I think I'll be a C when all is said and done, but smaller than I was before. You are right, big boobs get in the way. So if you aren't happy with your size, tell the PS you want to go smaller. They are YOUR breasts, not his!
Sweeney: wtg on the DH. No wonder you want that mojo back
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Congrats to Sweeney and DebJ!
Calamtykel I agree with Lizzy, you really do have 2 full time jobs between home schooling your kids and your doll shop. Take it easy on yourself and realize that it is ok not to have the energy for everything just yet! Easier said than done, of course, but whenever you need a reminder to take it easy just come check in here and we will all remind you!
Lizzy I am also noticing a little blood when I blow my nose, I'm sure it is the chemo and I have not worried about it. Also for the last couple of weeks I am getting a little dizzy when I lie down or stand up from lying down. It just lasts a few seconds and it is that feeling where the room is swirling. Not pleasant but I figure it is blood pressure related. I meant to mention it to my onc last time I was there but I forgot. I'll try to remember to mention it this Friday. The suggestion for salt is also good, I don't usually eat much salty stuff so perhaps I need a little extra these days.
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Cal - re gift ideas - one other thing we have done is buy gifts for ourselves and wrap them up and then everyone ELSE is surprised when we open them. It is actually a lot of fun, my husband always surprises me with what he gets for himself! I don't know if that would work with your kids or not. Do they get gifts for each other? I just like thinking about gifts, it makes me feel happy!0
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JSW: did you enjoy your weekend football?!?! Yeah, I agree it is low blood pressure with the standing up and the room spinning. I just really have to go lay down when that happens. As long as I am still alive whateva....! The nose bleeding bothers me when it is watery but most of the time it is part of other *stuff* exiting my body!
DebJ is done also! WHOO HOO!!
Texas: where are you? Blaming your kitten for causing you to not be able to type again?! Hope you are doing well.
Calamtykel: I totally forgot about the dolls! That makes it 3 full-time jobs = home-schooling, caring for your family and yourself and selling dolls! That is a heck of a lot of work! I might have to take another sympathy nap! Geez....I feel like a real slug! I used to get up at 5AM, workout at the gym for 1.5 hours, go home, shower and be on the train to Wall St by 8AM at which point I would work a 12 hour day generally. Then I would go to dinner/happy hour and invariably hit the clubs at least a few nights a week until the wee hours! Where did that version of Liz go?!?! She is buried under chemo-fatigue! As for the weather in the Northeast and hats, I LOVE this weather! Love it...today it is like 48 in CT and it is nice. I actually like it colder. I live 5 minutes from a small ski resort which has just been taken over by a developer from NY. They promise to make it a premier facility and I am looking SO forward to taking advantage of it next year! I plan to get a season pass.
In any case, Blackberry and Palm are still beating me! I have grown tired and resigned myself to get a Droid for Christmas and give up on these phones! I am so tired of contacts being on 2 different platforms that refuse to speak to each other...alas most of you all are probably like whaaaa?! Rightfully so...I will stop clamoring now!
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Omaz: that is such a great idea on the coupons you gave to your daughter! That is such an adorable idea! I love it! That is such a great, great idea. She must have loved it. My mother did something similar as I was a huge Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys reader when I was young and there was a store called "Book Beast" in a local mall. She would give me a card with a 2-book trip to that store! I loved it!
Car insurance: I just called Amica for insurance on 2 vehicles as my renewal came in from Metlife and like all companies, they have less heads to collect from b/c of unemployment etc..., they are trying to bilk the payers with rate increases about costs going up in my county etc... In any case, I got a fantastic rate from Amica as I have a spotless driving record for 20 years. They came in almost 50% less than Metlife! Unbelievable....makes me very happy....early Xmas gift!
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Calamtykel - I am so with you about being ambivalent about going back to normal life. I am now 2 weeks out from my last chemo, and there are times I just kind of forget and over-do it, and then I'm exhausted. I don't really know where to go from here. I don't have kids, so I don't need to go back to my life exactly like it was. I don't think I WANT to go back to my life exactly as it was, but I'm not sure where I want my life to go. Performing is still the most important thing in my life (next to DH), but I want to get away from the stress that the auditioning and scheduling bring. Not sure how to do that.
Saw the breast surgeon this morning for a post-surgery check-up. He felt me up, just like the good old days, and did an u/s. He said that everything looks good - no changes. I will probably go back for another mammo 3 months after the radiation is over.
Thinking of all of you!!!!
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Lisa - Glad everything looks good. I too am starting to think about heading into the office again but DON'T want to just go back to the stressful time pressure feeling. I don't know what to do about that.0
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I had kind of a bad day today.
Was supposed to have my bloodwork today and plastic surgeon follow up tomorrow. I called the PS and asked to come today because my benefits switch tomorrow - new deductible - new everything.
So I do the cancer center at 11:15. PS assistant says she'll be in the office around 2 -so I run all my errands and head over there. One the way, DD who's 14 and home watching the 12 and 8 yr old, calls and says "the pellet stove went out - it's not feeding the pellets." Hm. Okay so now they have no heat. So I'm worried about that.
Get there, have DS with me who's 6. Get unrobed and checked. PS flips out when she sees 2 moles on my chest. One is dark in the center; they are not symmetrical. I've had dermatologists see these and in fact she herself saw them twice before and recommended having them off at some point.
So this time she say they NEED to come off - she's very worried at how they look! Okay....so now just finished chemo and I have skin cancer thrown at me! THey are both on my chest - one on my boob and one on my mast side
So she says "want me to do it now?" I never thought about a PS doing that - but it makes sense. I told her absolutely, let's just get it done with!
Assistant took DS to a conference room and comes back and holds my hand thru it (love that assistant.... ) She asks DS on the way there if he wants something to eat while he wants and he says "No, I saw the kitchen on the way in; I know where it is." LOL!!
So anyway, the whole thing is practically painless. I'm glad I had her do it instead of a dermatologist.So now I'm scared and I'm BACK into the 'waiting game".......
They're starting to hurt too.....By now it's 3:30 - keep calling the three kids at home who aren't too cold, and I get home around 4:15 or so with all the school traffic. Spend about 30 minutes trying to "fix" the pellet stove which has decided not to feed the pellets anymore. Call my brother....give up and instead do a WHOLE LOT of praying and on the verge of tears and somehow it starts working again. It seems fine now. No idea what was going on........
So it's just been a LONG day. I have to get dinner on (would have stopped for a pizza if I weren't in such a hurry to get home....)
Right now I'm TOTALLY exhausted and overwhelmed.......BUT happy to have heat and happy to be home. Have to wait five days for the biopsy.
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Lizzy - I do the dolls but I also sell other stuff. I have an antique shop on Ruby Lane and another shop on Ecrater, which I use for newer items - I sell video games and newer kids toys. That site is doing pretty well right now for Christmas!
I was supposed to mail orders Monday - it never happened - never happened today. I MUST mail tomorrow.
Mom's taking the kids for the afternoon tomorrow. I feel like it will give me a much needed breather; just to sit alone for a little while and relax and regather my thoughts.
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Sending love and a really big hug your way, Calamtykel. It sounds like a really rough day. I hope the moles on your chest turn out to be nothing. Praying for that.
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thanks lisa............:) at least I got some stocking stuffers at AC Moore. Sometimes they're better than the dollar store! There are three little kids in my brother's church whose mom is a drug addict and their aunts take turns taking care of them. My brother and SIL asked us for clothes for them since apparently they only own three outfits each. I was able to find a lot of coats that my kids outgrew, some beautiful dresses that DD outgrew and shoes, etc. But the kids and I want to make stockings for each of them so I'm trying to gather that stuff too. At least we had a little Christmas fun between all the chaos.
Scared about the biopsies- if they are abnormal she is going to have to go in and cut deeper...but I'm just hoping they aren't REALLY abnormal. I have a friend who had melanoma on her leg and ended up with skin and brain mets. Thank GOD, and she's a walking miracle, that she is still alive today, 15 years later and totally cancer free. Had to have chemo and rads and all that jazz. But it's scary as heck.
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Cal - Bad Day! Good you got them off. Hoping they're nothing!0
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calamtykel: that was a horrifying turn of events you experienced today. I am so sorry for you. Big hugs. I am going to post a pic of me from SEPT when I still had hair (!) so you can see how many "beauty marks" AKA moles I have on my face...I have like 6 and I am scared to death of what may come of them. Plus, as a youth, my friend and I found a way to get on the garage roof and then walk to the main house roof and sunbathe with baby oil! Just before my bc dx I found a suspicious black mark on my face. I also used to tan and spend time on the Jersey Shore! I lived, let me tell you! In any case, this mark did not look good but I abandoned the dermatologist appt as bc took front and center. I also spoke to a friend the other night who had throat cancer once and skin cancer twice. It is all sooo spooky. We are all looking forward to putting bc behind us....I hope I don't have any more "c's" ahead of me.
I wish you the best. I hope the biopsies are clean. I feel really bad for you. On a much more positive note, you are like the Sam Walton of Ecommerce!!!! Good for you! I feel for you, however. What a rough day. I hope tomorrow is better. It is all so scary because you were just going for a check-up, right? The healthcare bs too is a problem. Having to race to appts because your healthcare switches tomorrow. What a headache. On the healthcare and dessert note, I wish we were all Canucks! Beavertails, buttertarts and socialized medicine!
I hope you have a good night-
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Cal, always when I read your posts, I am amazed at all you do and all you get done. I don't know that I could keep up with any of your ladies with active kids and a household to run. I know, early in my marriage my husband was a long haul trucker, and I had two young boys and a management job in healthcare. I did it then, but looking back, it's sort of like a book you read and not really a good book. You do what you have to, but you all really need to give yourselves some serious credit.
Sorry your day was such as it was. Take care of your wounds because, I know you know, we just don't heal very well now. Glad your heater started working and you're all warm and cozy. Big hugs to you today.
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Congrats sweeny and debj, what a big relief, now you can move on!!! I
I was suppose to be done with TCH this Thur. and I am still pouting about that.
I get the bloody nose also, I bought some saline nose gel and it helps a lot!
Is the radiation regimen the same for all BC 5 days a wk for 5 1/2 weeks? I see my onc. Mon. I will ask her if I should wait til March. But then again waiting will push my reconstruction back even farther.I would really like to have the reconstruction done by summer. I am so tired of the mastectomy bras, the prosthesis seam so heavy.
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OH goodnessssss -- this morning I noticed a five o'clock shadow - ON MY HEAD! WHOO HOO! I think "IT'S" coming back!!
when I look close to my crown, towards the back, there is fuzz! It's hard to notice -not a lot of it and it's difficult since I still have 1" strands poking up all over my head that never fell out, but it's there - I can feel it better than I can notice it visually!
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Cal--Sorry to hear about your hard day yesterday--you are seriously like some sort of wonder woman. I'm amazed at myself when I get up, tidy up and move my body from one place to another--you put me to shame! I am actually heading out to try xmas shopping today and meet someone for coffee---hopefully energy stays. Since finishing chemo, my hair has grown in quite a bit--and today, I actually had to shave my armpit--crazy as it was just one growing hair. Maybe I am going to only grow hair on one side
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calamtykel I'm sending good thoughts your way. That is of course upsetting that you had to get moles removed and biopsied but I'm glad your PS was able to do it right then. Hopefully they will turn out to be nothing. DH had a mole removed from his arm last summer that turned out to be "precancerous" so they went back and cut more out. He has a small scar there now but didn't need any other treatment so overall not too bad.
I'm glad to hear that some of you are getting hair back! I still have some hair (about 1" long) all around my head that never fell out and I'm starting to get some of that soft downy hair coming in. I like rubbing my head because it feels so soft! I am supposed to start Abraxane on Friday so we'll see if that makes more hair fall out or if I will start to get real growth, I've heard conflicting reports about how Abraxane affects hair.
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rachel - if I were having rads, I'd be totally destroyed as well. Plus just trying to FIT in radiation. I don't know how it would happen - I'm scared that I did not get it but glad it was not recommended by either of the three doctors since I don't know how i'd juggle it all. I would have to put both my stores on "vacation" and lose all that holiday income!
Got my five orders out today - hit two stores and am going to take a shower once the kids leave with my parents for the afternoon. I haven't taken a shower or removed my band aids from the moles yesterday and I'm kinda scared. She said showering is fine - recover with bandaids.....yikes! Surprisingly they do not hurt.
Lizzy - big sun bather here. I love being in the sun - just the feeling of it I love. I have had some scorching burns in my life - on my chest too! So it's very scary. I used to have a sun lamp in high school and got burned with that a few times too! =:O I never did drugs or alcohol when I was younger but I definitely abused my skin with the sun and it scares the heck out of me.
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You are in my prayers Calamtykel....0
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Sohard - Is your surgery tomorrow? Best wishes, I will be thinking of you!0
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Calamtykel: I'm sending prayers your way. I'm glad they don't hurt.
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Sue: The 5 days a week for rads I think is always the same, but the # of tx is different. It is usually around 30. I've seen 33 often, but I only have to get 28.
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Omygosh, miss one day and I'm out of the loop again.
CAL- I'm praying hard for you and I felt myself getting teary over your crappy day. I had several of those OVERWHELMING days since chemo. Just as we've all said everyone thinks you're better, but you're not yet. We all need to take it EASY! I've done nothing today.
LadyinBama- happy to report that 7 weeks past chemo, hair growing back slowly and completely off antidepressants....I did manage to get my mojo back on Sat nite;) HA! Take that cancer! (I'll tell DH he's getting compliments, it'll make him preen all evening!)
Will write more later. Must pick up kids from school.
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CAL-I feel your pain, really I feel your pain. Yesterday I went in to meet and get started with my rad. oncologist, liked her immediately because she checked with me to make sure that I was the right patient because she said she couldn't believe that I was as old as my chart said I was. I think that's a good thing. Then as she read my chart she mentioned that my MRI that I had on JULY 2!!! showed a notation that there were possibly cysts[plural] on my thorasic sp? spine and said that she would order a MRI for this Fri. to check it out more thoroughly. Good grief, this is the first time of hearing about this little item. I called my oncologist and he said "oh yes I saw that notation but was not concerned because it has nothing to do with the breast cancer". I called the BS and naturally he wasn't in the office and neither was his asst. but another Dr. asst. called me back and couldn't answer any questions but was glad to hear that an MRI was being done. I don't about you ladies but doesn't this whole thing seem like the "journey" has way too many side-tracks to just overwhelm us at every step in the process? The rad. regimen seems a little extreme but after chemo it is doable. It was kind of reassuring to see women patients comming and going out of the rad. office with varying hair growth progress, but I had a hard time getting past the cyst scenario. Well, it's probably much to do about nothing, but it's another pain in the arse to deal with. Thanks for letting me vent because my poor DH does not know what to tell me. P.S. I've got a damn cold. Today it sucks to be me.
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