August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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Lizzy -- can't believe you were awake - amazing!! My doctor said I coudl have twilight sleep, but recommended going out. I did choose to get knocked out because it was only for like 10 minutes, so I recovered really fast from the anesthesia that time. How scary - I think I would have had a panic attack on the table!
Sue - I'm so sorry about your cat. It's such a loss - people underestimate it; but the emotions are the same as a family member. Some people don't want another pet, while others, like my friend, went out two days later and got another dog when she put her companion of 15 years to sleep. She got a totally different breed.
My mom got a puppy yesterday! I'm so excited for her. She has wanted a dog since they put their cocker down 3 years ago. She borrows my dog all the time, and loves doggies to death, but my dad wouldn't get another dog. The loss was too hard on him when they had to put her to sleep.
Now that my dad is gone. mom's been really lonely and has wanted a dog really badly. Yesterday she found out that a local farm had a litter of cocapoos. We went over; just a few minutes away and they were precious! The parents were there in the premesis and a cocker mix is exactly what she wanted.
I have a dog who I love very much, and never wanted another one but when I saw these puppies, I was seriously tempted, but dogs are too much of an expense and i just paid to have one of the cats neutered and the other will need to be spayed once her kittens are weaned. The puppies will be ready to go the week after next, after they visit the vet.
You would have thought she was adopting a baby. She came back here and called all her friends to tell them. It was the first time I've seen my mom totally fired up and excited since my dad's death. I'm happy!
I planted swiss chard, kale and radishes today, and I mended my fence and put up some new fencing to keep the critters out. A couple of years ago the little things got under the fence and the big things (deer) got OVER the 6' fence......hoping for better results this year!
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My BC anniversary is July 6th although I did feel the lump after my rad hyst in May. My cervical cancer anniversary just passed in Feb. Once I pass my BC anniversary and first post-mammo and US--I will feel a little more at ease!
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Thanks again ladies. I went and ordered a memory rock today to put in my rock garden in memory of Tiger.
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Ckptry: my brother, Mr. Clean/Toss It, came to visit me while I was on chemo. He offered to hire a maid for me to help with the daily cleaning!!!!! I went along with it but friends were like whaaa?! They remarked that my house is clean and tidy and if there were any fall-offs, it was due to chemo! I say let the kids toss their toys all around and have a good, old time! They are kids...that is what they should be doing.
Lady: oh know....another port....well, we are lucky they have ports. If I were you, I would definitely opt for another port. You veins can become unusable. I saw it with my mother and she never had chemo but tons of bloodwork and tests etc.. With chemo, though, I would not take chances. I think the port is best. You poor thing...what a dubious set of choices.
As for cancerversary, mine is April 17th.
Omaz: do you know of any particular problems I can have after the port is removed? Just wondering. It is painful right now but I am just trying to ignore it.
Lady and Calamtykel: yes, I was awake. They asked me if I wanted to snooze out but b/c I had only 3.5 hours sleep last night, I figured that would just make me too groggy so they draped me with all the surgical stuff and had me turn my head and 20 minutes later, we were done. The only thing that bothered me was my tennis elbow or so they call it. I could also feel her tugging around in there while she was working. No big deal though; it did not bother me at all to be awake.
Calamtykel: I am so glad your mom got a puppy! Good for her! Actually I should say has a puppy on "order!" Pets are so much company. I have cautioned myself against getting dogs in the past because of time constraints and now it would not be a prudent financial idea plus the time constraints loom large once I am done with this maddening stretch of surgeries anyway. I have not had a dog in 15 years but I will get one again some day.
Good luck with the garden.
Rachel: I always forget that you had cervical before bc. You are reaching nearing putting the bc anniversary behind you as well and that coupled with a clean mammo should send you on your way to never looking in the rearview mirror again!
Iowa: tiger was beautiful. I am glad you got a memory rock. It is heartbreaking, I know. I am sorry your lost your furry pal.
Both sides of my chest now have large bandages! Of course the one on the left is larger than the port bandage but, nonetheless, when I arrived to Yale this morning they were doing construction on the cancer area of the parking garage. I had to park in the regular, non-discounted parking area. When I came out and was leaving the garage I explained to the teller what happened and he took one look at all the bandages showing on my chest (as I was wearing a tank top) and my lack of hair, asked for my name and gave me the discounted rate!!!!! I must really look like I belong in a triage unit!
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Nothin specific Lizzy!0
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Sue I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Tiger. The memory rock sounds like a good idea. It is so hard to lose a beloved pet, the grieving is absolutley real.
Calamity, my husband won't get another Golden because our grief at the loss of our Goldens over the years has been so painful. I am ready for another sort of big dog and will be getting a standard poodle in June. (The previous liter I was waiting for was not conceived) I have had this little poodle mix rescue Harry for three years now and think he will do just fine with a big sister. I think your mom will have so much fun playing with and training a new puppy.
Lizzy, I get my port out on Thursday. I expect they will use the same most excellent drugs they used when I had it put in because I have been given the same directions as before.
LadyBama I would get another port myself. It is really hard on your veins to have such strong meds running through them. If the vein goes and the chemo runs into your arm it can cause serious damage to the tissue.
Hugs Ginger
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calamtykel- that puppy will bring lots of smiles to your mom. She will not feel so alone.
I have had Pomeranian in the past, the last one I had for 8 years. I had to give her away she became naughty and started potting in the house and I didn't like that. A lady I know 3 blocks away from me took her as a playmate for her other dog and she said the accidents weren't so bad as she had no carpet in her house so it was easy to clean up. Then the poor thing got sick 3 months later they took her to the vet. and they said she had cancer and she died a few days later. I have always had pets since childhood. Now I will really have empty nest syndrome no kids left at home and no pets.
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Lizzy- I had goats... i sold them off after my dx- just too much for us to handle (we had left them in care of my father in law, and i would go up on the weekends to do the major stuff (hoof trimming, cleaning out their enclosure ect...) but after dx i didnt have time to do that....
Decluttering- funny story, i am a clutter type of person (or more like those i live with are clutter people and i am NOT a maid) and so i bought this book on how to declutter. i read it and tried to start the steps and a few weeks later i was looking at my place thinking what the heck i am never gonna get this under control and started to pick up randomly and i found the book stuffed somewhere and thought to myself- this book just made MORE clutter in my home LOL
COLLEGE- i just went and spoke with the admission people today, there are only 25 slots open in the RN program, i have to first get my college transcripts from my old college first in order to enroll. which is on my to do list for tomorrow and then i can start the process of trying to get into the program!
oh and financial aid estimated that my pell grant was 5500 or so- is that a year???? how much does it cost to go back to college these days LOL
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Iowa- I am so sorry for your loss. no-pet people dont understand the grief we feel when we lose a pet (my sil couldnt care less if her animals die seriously!)
the memory rock sounds like a wonderful idea.
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Good Morning Everyone:
Iowa: The memory rock sounds like a great idea!
Calam: Cockapoos are great. We have one, his name is Titan. He is about 4 years old now, we've had him since he was a puppy. They are the perfect medium size and have a great temperament. It's great that your mother will have some company, and a dog will be perfect.
On clutter: I am with Texas, I am not a clutter person, but my children are....and like Tex I am NOT the maid. With working two jobs and the kids and all their activities, I came to a point a couple of years ago where I could spend an hour at the end of every day straightening up the mess, or sit down and relax before going to bed, I decided I could live with a little disorganization in order to have a little peace to myself in the evening. So, every couple of days, I straighten and then they mess....and we repeat the cycle...LOL. I also agree with JSW in that I also see sense in putting away something you will be taking out again the next day. So, books that are being read and stuff like that get left on the table in the living room.
Lizzy: Great news on the port! It must be a huge relief to get that out. I am soooo glad I didn't have to get one! I too, think I look manly! In fact, I don't know if it has anything to do with it but lately a lot of people have been telling me that my son looks just like me....they used to comment on how much my girls looked like me....HMMMM, wonder if it is the hair??
Texas: That figure is usually a yearly figure. But don't let the tuition scare you away. Go to the financial aid office. They are experts in this and know what resources are available for you. They will help you get all the free aid you can and help you manage loans, etc if necessary to cover the balance. Good luck, hope you get one of those spots!!!
Ok, have to get back to work. Hope everyone has a really great day!
Debbi
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Good mornign chemosabes and radicals-
Texas: don't worry about how many get in etc... Tex, I used to work on Wall St, trading etc... making pretty decent dollars so my point is that nursing is a calling. If it is meant to be, it will be. Just keep studying and definitely do all you can to get in this term as our government is on a tear and you know the first thing to go will be education. Medicare and education....slice and dice. On the pell grant, I don't know. You will have to check with the school. Just keep studying and do all you can to secure a seat and let nothing throw you off course...nothing. BTW, from Connecticut land, where gas is now 4.30 per gallon (!), they are increasing all state tuitions and college is expensive. We have Yale at $70,000 per year and the state schools are all about $15,000 to commute and $25,000 to live on. We have all spaces in between. The cheapest, 2 year education one can get in the State of CT is at our community colleges for roughly $10,000. That, my friend, is the cost of education here!
Sptmm: may you get another tan...only it will be on Thursday this week!
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Lady I know everyone else is in favor of the port but I have actually made it this far (knock wood) without a port. The nurses looked at the veins in my good arm before I started chemo and they said I could probably get through without a port. I have 2 really good veins, one in the back of my hand and one at the crook of my arm. Then I have another pretty good one in the back of my hand and also one in the middle of my forearm that has been used a couple of times. Anyway, it has been ok and I have been glad not to have a port. I have had veins "blow", which sounds worse than it is. Once they get the IV line started they push in some saline to make sure it is ok. If the vein is blown the saline will just puff up under your skin instead of going through the vein. It is obvious right away and then they just try a different vein. The vein just needs a little time to heal and then it will be useable again. The 2 in the back of my hand and the one in the crook of my arm have all blown at least once but still work just fine. When I was doing weekly Herceptin I got some scar tissue buildup in one of my best veins which made it hard to use for a couple of weeks but now that I'm on every 3 week Herceptin I have enough time to heal between treatments and things have been going fine. So I think the factors that really contribute to the decision are: do the nurses think you have good veins, how many times and how frequently will you get IVs, and how much do you mind getting stuck (sometimes more than once to get a good vein going).
Sue I love the idea of a memory rock for Tiger. I got a cat charm to put on my bracelet (like a Pandora bracelet) in memory of my Janie. It is nice to have something to keep as a reminder of a cherished pet.
Today was rads #12 of 34. I also saw my rad onc today and she said my skin is holding up well. It is getting pink but not too bad yet. She also reminded me that the last 8 treatments are boosts just to the area of the tumor so tomorrow I will actually be halfway through the rads to the nodes (supraclav and axilla) and whole breast. I had to get some replacement stickers yesterday and today so now I have 3 different colors of markings depending on what color they were using the day I got the sticker. I'm turning into an art project!
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I had a lot of trouble with my port....
That being said, if I ever needed chemo again, I would need another port. Chemo blew a vein with the second treatment that I had. The veins have now finally healed. Chemo can be hard on the veins, but there are people who do just fine with no port. I have a friend at church who went through the whole thing without one and hasn't had any problems at all with veins. If you're trying to decide, you can always try it without - they can insert a port between your chemo treatments -that's what I had done and had no infection or anything. Mine wasn't positioned properly and apparently the tube kept rubbing against the wound inside, so it never healed all the months that I had it. It would scab over and then break open in one tiny spot and leak fluid and blood . It wasn't pleasant, but wasn't painful at all; just a major annoyance for my clothing!Tomorrow my mom takes the kids overnight - I'm looking forward to some alone time!
They are batty inside the house with all this rain! ARGHH!!!0 -
I made it through with no port. Had one blown vein but it wasnt as bad as it sounds. My Doc was wait and see and I did OK. I don't necessarily like needles but they are unavoidable port or no port!
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Thanks all. I'm leaning toward a port. I see my BS next week (he put in my last port), so I'll talk to him about it. I didn't have any problems with my other port, I just hate to go through ANOTHER surgery so soon. I've had 3 in the last month. But my veins in my one good arm are not that great. The lab people always hit them just fine, but the "regular" nurses have a time. They always have to stick me 2 or 3 times.
I've been down in the dumps the last couple of days, and it dawned on me that I'm always kind of depressed a week or two after a surgery. I wonder if it's the anesthesia getting out of my system or something? Maybe it's just that I'm not able to get out and walk.
Everyone have a good evening!
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Soooo, tamoxifen appears to be making me into a very impatient and angry person. Anyone else experiencing this?? I DON'T like it!
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Omaz: all of my life I have been told I talk to fast blah blah blah...well, that is because I process very fast. I had a Yeshiva professor as a client and he summed it up nicely when he said "Elizabeth, we are all computers, you were just built faster than the rest of us!" I offer you this anecdote because it might be tamoxifen, it might be you, it might be all the chemicals changes and aggravation our bodies have gone through OR it might be that the person you were dealing with was slow and it pissed you off!!!! Sorry...it ain't all meds!!!!
I am reading "Team of Rivals" and the way men behaved in the Senate was outrageous. Yelling, screaming and one Senator was even stabbed to death at his desk. Now, having said that, don't always question the fact that you might be pissed or impatient...you don't have to be a shrinking violet! I hate the fact that if Nancy Pelosi behaved the way some of them do in Congress, she would deemed evil, a bitch and the deplorable monikers go on. I say if you feel it, vent it!
One more something to make you feel better and give you a little insight into what I am like! I was at the post office the other day and there were about 20 people in line. There was one teller and then another came out. In any case, it took 45 minutes to just send a letter overnight to one of my brokerage accounts. After a while some of us were getting aggravated that one guy was compromising one teller and this other goof was up there with all the wrong forms and passport problems etc... so while myself and the woman behind me were commiserating, Ms. Passport turned around and thought she was going to give me some attitude. I said "first off, I would never be so rude as to tie up a line of 20 people with my ineptness and furthermore, it is not a fundraiser and nobody asked for your 2 cents!!!!!!!" A number of people started laughing and, to be quite frank, I did not question my being angry and my patience had really worn thin.
Bottom line: don't second guess yourself...just go with it. Also beware of the source that is telling you are angry and impatient...unless it is yourself!!!! One of these guys I was involved with when I first started this bc road kept making remarks about 'it must be the meds.' Finally I told him it was not the meds, it was him and he could get lost! Ah bye bye!!!! He was trying to "control" the situation by trying to be cute about meds...that did not work!
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Thanks Lizzy! No one is telling me I am acting this way - I am feeling that way. Just wired. I am energetic and bloisterous by nature but I am not an angry person. This just feels angry and weird!! Could just be somethin else, don't know, but it better go away soon cause it's annoying me.0
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Lizzy that was HILARIOUS what you told him! i totally am gonna store that for further use- the fundraiser part LOL!
omaz- i sorta am impatient to start 3ith on certian things, and i feel i am becoming more so i am not sure if its the tamox or if its just the daily stressors in my life right now
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Texas - could be I am just mad that I have to take the tam, I don't know. Its only beenabout 2 weeks.
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My husband is unbearable if he takes an antihistamine, It is so clear that it is something that the medicine does to him. As a consequence he just doesn't try to take it any longer.
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Sorry Omaz --
I didnt' have that reaction on it, but I have had similar feelings during PMS. It's awful. It's most likely the hormonal shift it's causing. I read about a women who had to go off it because she was ready to kill everybody around her. Hormones are real; look at the women who get post partum depression! Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about it, as there may be something they can give you. When my DH gets depressed and stressed, his comes out as anger. He was put on an antidepressent when I was going through chemo and I saw an immediate change in him. He said driving was better, work was better etc once he started it!. Hang in there! 0 -
Thanks Cal. I see my onc on Tuesday for herceptin and will talk about it.0
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Port is out tomorrow at about 1:30 PM. I have my Rx for Arimidex and will start the end of the week. I go for a Dexascan in four weeks and another check in with the Doctor.
I am a little nervous about tomorrow but am realluy happy to have the port gone bye bye,
Talk to you all later my friends.
Think of me or say a prayer if you will.
GInger
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Good luck Ginger!!! Sending positive vibes that all goes smoothly!
Lizzy, how is your port site doing? Feeling better?
Omaz: I agree with Cal, I too, have read that depression can come out as anger. Definitely talk to the onco as I believe depression is a known side effect of Tamox.
Have a great day everyone!
Debbi
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Hi all! I'm back from Hawaii! I haven't had time to catch up on all the posts, but I hope to read more this weekend. I just wanted to say hello and that I'm thinking of all y'all.
Hawaii was fantastic and exactly what I needed - very chill and laid back. Lots of snorkeling and walking on the beach - I even went on an hour long snorkel tour - wasn't sure I would make it all the way back to the boat, but I did just fine.
This may be TMI, but is anyone else having trouble with sex? As in it is really painful - even using lots of lubricant. I'm chocking it up to menopause, and I have an appointment with my GYN later this month, but I thought I would ask.
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Lisa, I've had that problem, it feels like burning. Unfortunately menopause can cause vaginal atrophy or thinning and drying of the tissues. I got a script for vagifem from my gyn . My onc approved it, it's estrogen but usually absorbed locally as opposed to sytemically. I felt comfortable b/c I know they prescribed that or estring for breast cancer patients at MSK. It helped, but now that I'm off of the tamoxifen I'm not sure whether I can still use it so I'm waiting to talk to the onc. I notice a difference since I stopped using it.
I know for nonhormonal treatment one of the drs I worked with recommended using a vitamin E capsule as a suppository vaginally at bedtime alternating with replens. I think I read somewhere that replens may have parabens but there might be a newer version. You don't use the replens before intercourse, just use lubricants. I've heard the warming lubricants can be irritating. I haven't tried the vitamin E myself but I remember patients saying it helped. I think when estring and vagifem came out more oncs started approving local estrogen.
hope this helps,
Carolyn
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Lisa I just remembered a funny story. When I worked with the chief of the gyn oncology service, who was in his early 60's, he recommened a lubricant called "slippery stuff" to his patients. He was from Tenessee and was a very kind man with a soft southern drawl . I thought he was kidding when he asked me to call the rep for samples of slippery stuff. Well I did and when the case came I brought it to his office. He opened it and started putting samples in his briefcase and said "help yourself". I turned beet red from head to toe- here's this guy old enough to be my dad stocking up on lubricant. I told my colleagues later and one of the older nurses couldn't stop laughing, She said he knew exactly what he was doing (I had 12 years of parochial school:-) Anyway, I just googled it and it's still around - I was hoping by now they'd market it under a better name but it might be worth a try.
Carolyn
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My gyn onco recommended a non-estrogen based product to help. Of course, I cannot remember the name. When she spoke to me about it, I was just in midst of chemo and had NO desire...so must have put it out of my brain!! When I go for next checkup, I will inquire again. However, I do know that she said the lack of Estrogen mixed with SE from Tamoxifen can cause the dryness and therefore th discomfort that we are feeling. Lucky us!
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Good evening chemosabes and radicals-
Well, I got my first post-chemo massage today!!!! It was wonderful! Gotta love those extra services at Yale! I have been at doc appts and getting bloodwork etc... I will be kind of happy when I don't have to head to Yale, nearly 50 miles round trip, so much.
Sptmm: thanks for asking. The site is itchy (healing) and I got to take a shower today so that was wonderful. Hope you got out and enjoyed this weather today...so nice!
Lisa: the pain is there and the sex drive is pretty much MIA. We are all rowing the same boat. I bet Hawaii was fantastic!
Ginger: Hope your port removal went well today and they gave you some nice, relaxing meds!
Omaz: I hope you had a nice day today
It was like 68 degrees here and so sunny and beautiful...a perfect day.Well, the Yankees are on....later!
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