August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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BTW, yes, as long as we are alive we all **are survivors!** LIke I told my sister: you know when I am going to die? When I am dead and not a minute sooner!!!!!0
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Lizzie: "Do you know when I'm going to die? When I'm dead and not one second sooner." I LOVE THAT!! We rob ourselves of life by worrying and fretting about things that might never happen. We can't change things anyway. I've found myself lately saying "que sera sera"; whatever is going to happen is going to happen, so just go on with life and forget about it!0
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Hello all,
I haven't posted in months and months, but check in sometimes to see how everyone is doing. It is amazing that we are all getting to the one year mark. It is hard to know how to acknowledge the "anniversary". What a year!
Lizzie, I read about your scan and blood work. Scary. That out of control feeling is SO hard, AND so is the waiting. I send you all sorts of good karma from Boston..hoping for good news on the scan. There are lots of false positives on those things. You are amazingly fiesty, and deal so well with all that comes your way. I am sure that you will continue to. You are as always, our fearless leader.
All the Best to everyone,
Elizabeth
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Lizzy - I'm actually okay. I'm just pushing it out of my head right now. It's going to take even longer to get the pap results back - I can't live in fear from one test to another - I'll have to be committed!
Just heard from my friend in the UK today - she was diagnosed with tumors on her ovaries in January and just had her surgery last week - it took that long.
She does have o-cancer - had a complete hysterectomy. I pray she will be able to have the necessary chemo - dont' know if they do that routinely over there for o-cancer like here; it has not spread to surrounding tissue supposedly, but I don't know how they know that yet, as I heard the day after the surgery; I imagine they still biopsy the tissue? I'm horrified at how the UK system has worked in this case and am just continuing to keep her in prayer!Didn't sleep last night. No clue why some nights I do great and some nights I just can't sleep. Maybe it was that Panera's regular coffee yesterday!
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WOW got some reading to do to catch up- Just thought i'd pop in and say iam here
Congrats lizzy on switching over to law
oh and i have to take remedial math LOL which isnt too big of a deal LOLCalamity- thanks for that wealth of information- very intresting, how is it that we are able to get fed all these foods that are bad for us, but when a medication shows promise it takes years if ever to get it available to the public???? i'm just sayin...
debbie- we ended not going camping, but did go to the movies, and visist family.... we iddnt even go to sea world! was a very do-nothing-and-i-mean-nothing vacation!
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Hi Texas - missed you!0
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Lizzy ahahahaha!!!! that butch comment made me laugh! i have a friend who's gay and i made a comment to her that when i pass my refelction i feel butchy and her response???? "Well maybe if you'd quit wearing plaid burmuda shorts!" They were pink and orange def not butch looking LOL Point being to her i am still my old self, my hair isnt what makes me womanly or not, but i know my hair is just taking its sweet time at growing and i have the same thoughts and feelings as you.
OMG! yes i notice that there are some doctors and their staff that treat you like crap when you have govt insurance. When my husband lost his job we got the kids insurance through the state but we didnt have to switch our pedi, before the staff was very nice, would chit chat ect (maybe cuz i was handing them a 20 dollar bill for our co-pay) after they got the state insurnace they were straight up RUDE! like we are less of people cuz we needed some help....
Kel- what an a hole! that dr obviously is in the practice for the money and not helping people or he would not have expected y'all to wait 2 months!!!! when my son got pnumonia and was hospitalized we had no insurance and couldnt afford some of the medication, one of the nurses gave me money to pay for it and also the medi supply store gave us a nebulizer. I mean total kindness! Seems rare but it is still out there!
Hey zenith!!!! Great to hear from ya!
Kel- my husband gets free insurance he doesnt have to pay into them and also free life insurance, on the other hand it costs just for me $400 a month (thanks God i signed up for health insurance but kicking myself i didnt opt for life insurance) My kids are on a low income health coverage, i dont have to pay monthly but i do pay co-pays... The family coverage was over $900 a month which sadly is more than my husband makes in 2 weeks so more than half his income would have gone to health insurance so that why i only insured myself... I have a $2000 out of network deductable and a $1000 in network one, and as y'all know its easy for me to meet my deductiable really early in the year which is nice!
Hey sweeny nice hearing fom you too!
Lizzy agree- people move to areas like yours cuz its close to nature ect.. but then when nature gets too close they wanna kill it! Tell them to move to the innercity LOL i will bet they will never see a groundhog there. We have these things called javelinas which are like wild boar and the other week we saw a family of about 20 or so, of course everyone was like lets shoot them, but they arent bothering us, havent gotten 1 chicken so they are to me not a pest. Pests we shoot, wildlife we dont.....
Sweeny surprisinly no bug problems here thus far- usually we are swamped with mosquitoes but i dont think i have seen one this summer! Prob cuz its been so dry here!
Oh yeah lizzy- my husband had a week off so we went up north to visit his family and go camping, camping never happened LOL i really didnt have time to get online, we got in yesterday and DH is at work right now and kiddos watching tv LOL i was having BCO withdrawls!
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Omaz- missed you too! BTW where was your vacation at???? i forgot LOL
i think they can see things, thats why its recommended you dont have intercourse at least a day before any appointments because it can cloud their view
Oh forgot to mention- IS ANYONE A FAN OF KING OF THE HILL??? i am, we were at this flea market called trader's village in san antonio and there was a guy selling BBQ rub/seasoning we checked it out turned out he was Jonathan Joss the voice of John Redcorn- we of course bought his seasonings which he signed and he also signed a pic of the character John Redcord- which of course i framed LOL cuz i am a dork. Anyhow i am kickin myself for not asking him to record my voicemail on my cell- i totally would have paid for him to LOL something like "Timothea cant take your call right now cuz she has a healing session with John Redcord for her headaches" LOL anyhow he was super nice, his seasoning is yummy! We even put it on popcorn. BTW he also came out in the new True Grit as one of the native americans that gets hung.... Just thought i'd share!
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texas - we went to the Big Island, Kona side. Lots of lava and really good snorkeling and boogie boarding. I actually forgot about my port and was getting tossed around in the waves! It was so nice. I want to go back but it's expensive so it'll have to wait.0
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i thought it was hawaii, but then i was thinking florida LOL.... My husband and daughter want ot go to hawaii i told them we'll try to save for a trip next year.... i hear ya on cost!
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Lizzy, you jinxed me,lol, I googled earwig b/c I didn't know what they were and saw pics. Just now dh and I were cleaning out the garage and one came running out when I moved a box. Yuck!
That garage has been driving me crazy. We don't have basement (bought the house before kids, did not realize how much stuff they accumulate:-). Anyway when I was at my sickest during chemo every time I asked dh where something was he'd say "in the garage". Yes, his idea of straightening up is just putting everyhting where I can't see it. He has alot of good qualities, but when it comes to cleaning he is worse than the kids. At one point I yelled at him b/c we keep the recyclables in the garage. I finally got up the courage to look in there and I was yelling 'there are 5 pizza boxes'. I didn't even want to open it to get the kids ride ons out b/c it was a mess. He said well maybe I ordered 5 pizzas one night. This time humor was not going to let him off the hook. It's hard b/c I know he's under alot of stress, but I also need him to pick up more slack now. I'm thinking I still need to learn about letting some things slide though. I expect myself to be able to keep things the way I did before kids and cancer b/c I'm not working, but that's not working out so well for me and I'm tired of feeling guilty about it . Anyway, I'll feel so much better when it's done. It seems harder to organize things things now.
Omaz, glad you had a good time. We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and I loved it.
Texas, sometimes vacations where you don't do much are the best kind!
Carolyn
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btw, saw bridesmaids Fri night and it was hilarious! I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud at a movie like that, so if anyone needs a laugh:-)
I was in Quickcheck yesterday, and the cashier, who I have seen numerous times over the past year, says, oh you cut all your hair off! Ummm, it looks cute. I said actually It's growing back from chemo. She says "well at least you're one of the ones who made it, there are plenty who don't" LOL - where do these people come from?! She in her 60's and I'm thinking she did alot of drugs back in the 60's!
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Hi, sorry for all the posts. I'm not trying to avoid cleaning the garage;-) I was giving myself a pep talk today and thought of this essay
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/49262
carolyn
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Good day warriors!
I hope you all are doing just splendid today!
Lady: I love your new avatar and if my damned CT scan is clear, and I don't have to have another dose of poision!, I have a bunch of hats like that and all the other "head gear" I purchased, and never wore, during chemo. If you would like some more of that stuff, I will gladly send them along!
Elizabeth27: thank you so much for stopping by and wishing me well! I sure hope this is going to be ok but, as we are relegated to bc reality, I must always be prepared for the dubious fact that any of one of these tests can come back with news I do not want and that is simply par for the bc course! Good to hear from you just the same. How are you doing these days? I hope all is well with you. I think it is fantastic that all of the sudden we will hear from people who have not posted in a while. It is nice to hear from our silent supporters now and again!
Texas: You're back!!!!!!!!! OMG...on do nothing vacations, one of my favorites was one Friday night after work on Wall St I was wiped and decided to head for JFK and skipped down to Sarasota to see my mom and ended up staying for 5 days! We just went to dinner, Walmart, the beach and I actually laid out by the pool at the "Hampton Inn" I stayed at! It was such a good time. Oh yeah, and we went to Busch Gardens also...had to feel my legs and arms hanging from a harness coaster and whipping through the wind to get back in touch with myself! It was really a take-it-easy vacation and I loved it! In fact, a close friend and I like to travel alone so we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. However, and only weeks after 9/11, she was en route Australia and wanted to stop in UAE! I was stunned as I am not that brave. In fact, if it is not Ireland, the UK, Spain, Italy, or Greece, I will not go alone. Even Italy scares me a bit now after what happened with Amanda Knox. In any case, a do-nothing vaca is great!
I am so happy you got away and just had some nice family time. It is good for the soul! Good to have you back as I missed you!
Ckptry: men can be so lazy and weird about stuff like not piling up pizza boxes in the garage! The last time I was engaged, every time I had an attitude about one of his peccadillos, he would go to the calendar to try to determine if I was PMSing!!!!!!!! Forbid I was, the wrath was awful! During my midsummer night's hot flashes last night I was watching an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" on TV Land. It was all about his wife PMSing and how he was trying to get her to take pills! The underlying message was every time we question their nonsense we must be PMSing and we must immediately take a pill to make our dissatisfaction go away!!!! It was very funny. Oddly enough my sister was just mentioning to me the other day how she thought we would have worked out!! First off, I read the Wall St Journal and he read comic books...case and point! He was cute, however! Even worse, he was a few years older than me still reading juvenile nonsense....he was cute, though, did I mention that?!??!!!!
Sorry you had to be introduced to the pesky earwig in the garage...one of their favorite spots! I think there is a possum in my shed now...this place is getting like Noah's Ark replete with the coyote that almost scared the fur off of my cat as she watched "Kitty Broadway" which is the backyard at night! She loves to sit in this one window, where she has a perch, at the back of the house and watches all the goings on for about 3-4 hours every night. After he life along the highway, she never tries to get out, however! I think watching is quite enough but when that coyote came by, she came running into my bedroom and her fur was on end! I quickly ran to investigate and there went that coyote. We are seeing quite a few of them here.
As for learning to let things slide, it is great in theory and not so good in practice. It takes time but if you could just take a deep breath and count back from 10 when you find yourself similarly situated, your dh might get out of the situation with his head still on his shoulders!!! It takes time, woman, all in good time.
BTW, it does seem harder to organize things and I also feel like my coordination is off a bit. That drives me bananas! There are moves in Zumba I could always do and now I find myself not being able to put it together quite as I used to. Also yesterday I thought I organized the basement so there was a ratchet, vice grips, a wrench and pliers in the basement, upstairs and in the shed and sure enough, there was NOT in the basement. It really aggravated me...I thought I had done that! 1 year from the end of chemo...I think we will be better!
Calamtykel: Kel, I wish I did not sleep last night! I had 1 drink last night and I ended up with nightmares! One where I was offered a city bus to give my nephew a ride home (dreams...!) and then these tattoo covered thugs came to menace myself, some of my cousins and nephew then they stole the bus and I was billed $1.5 million from the bus co for damages!!!!!!!! The other some creeps followed me home from a night club and I could not get my car in the garage fast enough because I had a huge beach ball on top of my car?! I would have preferred no sleep last night!
Actually I met a woman on this site from Scotland who had a pretty time of it all and I think because of the EU, they are all pretty much on the same healthcare now.
Good for you on ignoring the test business! I think we are all collectively growing through this process and starting to take it all a bit more in stride. I am glad to hear this from you. It is not easy and we share the same goal.
Omaz: cool new avatar! I have a bunch of wave pics called "in the tube" which are wonderful. I think I might change mine to something similar today!
Tex: on the butch comment, I have a few friends that swim in the lady pond! They remind me no matter what I do/hairstyle I have, I would never be mistaken for belonging to their club but with the lack of boobs, baseball hats and androgynous dress (well now it is androgynous because I have no boobs and short hair and that is when Levi's and a t-shirt became androgynous!), I might look like a man!!!!!!! And, Tex, there will be no sacrificing of my little ground hog family! You had to hear this guy: he was talking like a nefarious group had moved into the neighborhood and we had to get rid of them! Ground hogs stay underground for 6 months of the year! C'mon do we really have to sacrifice them/open up ground hog relocation services because they are eating your sunflowers?! I felt like asking if we could please have a more substantive conversation or perhaps not at all?!?!
Ckptry: don't ever apologize for "so many" posts! There is nothing to apologize for! Share and share as much as you would like whenever you would like! That is the nature of our little group here, woman!
I am going to refrain from over-diagnosing myself for mets on google and get outside to spray so my little earwig friends understand there are boundaries!
Good day, all-
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BTW, if you all take notice at the bottom of the screen below this box, BCO is a "2011 Official Honoree" for the Webby Awards! Good stuff! GO BCO!0
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Lizzy - I love the ocean.0
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Lizzy - I'm going to sleep tonight - I'm determined! I may take a benadryl --allergies seem to keep waking me up. That and DH decided to come back into our bed - I got spoiled and had it all to myself for months during chemo and after. I sleep best alone. Period. I do not do well with someone next to me - not a child and not a husband..... but he's tired of the daybed, and I hate it on the daybed because the family room doesn't have windows to open. So I'm having to get used to this again.
went running (and walking) tonight for an hour -kept it sorta on the slow side - the first time since I had the endometrial biopsy this past week. No cramps and no bleeding so far ---so that's good. Seems as if it's finally stopped.....
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Good Morning Everyone!
I'm back from my weekend. I won't be able to catch up on everything until tonight, so please forgive me. I just wanted to tell everyone what a wonderful weekend it was and I strongly recommend that everyone go to the Casting for Recovery website (castingforrecovery.org) and sign up for a retreat near you! I am absolutely NOT a nature girl and was very apprehensive about whether or not I would enjoy the weekend, but I did. And it is completely free, food and lodging. It was so peaceful and so nice to get away from the daily grind! Luckily the weather was amazing for us, and I caught 3 trout! I hope everyone will sign up for one of these retreats in their area, they are nationwide. It was a great mix of information and support group type situations, and just plain old relaxation and fishing. Okay, I have to get back to work. I will catch up later.
Have a great day everyone!
Debbi
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Lizzy and Cal- (and anyone else awaiting results...) I think you should do something extra special for yourselves. Funny movie, online shopping, fruity drink with umbrella, visit with girlfriend, etc. etc. You both deserve it. Waiting sucks, plain and simple. If it helps any, we're waiting with you!:)0
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Yes we are.
Love your new avatar Sweeney!
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Good day warriors-
I have no news yet and I sit here kind of concerned. I guess Kel does not have news either. I hope we both have good reports by the end of this week.
I am even more concerned now as everything tastes very salty all of the sudden. Also, I am smelling weird stuff....like dog crap and I did not have any on my shoe! I was driving along and I suddenly smelled that odor so I pulled off to the side to check my shoes! There are more weird odors where that came from. This is getting nerve-wracking. When I google salty taste and weird (seemingly non-existent) odors I get brain tumor! Geesh....I am a hot mess!!!!!
Calamtykel: did you get any sleep last night? I hope so. I have been getting a fragmented 5 each night for about 6 nights and last night was no different. I got up, had cottage cheese and mango (love that mangoes are in season and soo yummy!) and then went back to bed! I woke up about 4 hours later so now I only have about 10 hours of sleep to catch up on!
I revere your for your dedication to running, woman! I read that Katie Holmes runs 10 miles per day. Kel, that is my dream. I would love to be able to run that much. I used to be able to run 5 miles but never 10.
As for sleeping with someone, I don't like sleepovers! I mean they can come over but then they must go! A very good friend of mine and I, on and off, discuss marrying for tax and other associated benefits and we both agree we will have separate rooms!! A lot of people are married but sleep in different beds. I would not give up my space for anything. An ex of mine lived in a palatial home growing up and his mother and stepfather basically had separate wings. They are still married, and happily, today! There is nothing wrong with liking to sleep alone but with windows that don't open in the family room, you 2 will have to cozy up for a few months!
Sptmm: caught ***3*** trout!??! Unbelievable! Did you catch any human beings when you were casting?!?? I am very happy you had a nice weekend. I wish I had signed up for something like that this summer. I lament the fact that I don't have a pool right now! I really would love to have a pool especially today. Of course, I really can't get wet because of this hole in my chest that is still open and the bathing suit issue is another story all together now that I am boobless! I can dream, though, can't I?!?!?
OMG---almost forgot to tell you: I got my "Bellydancing for Beginners" DVD today! Ordered it off Amazon. Looking forward to this. I love it and I love the music. Have you gone back to your class yet?
Sweeney: I love the new avatar! You look great. Your hair is coming in nicely also. Thanks for the well-wishes on the waiting room madness! Here we go again.... BTW, you are looking like the Irish flag once again!
Omaz: I lived on the ocean for almost 10 years and then lived in an waterfront community (LI Sound) when I was young so I was always at the beach. It is good for the soul. Something odd about me is I can't be landlocked. Like as much as I think CO is beautiful, I could never live there. Never. I can't be away from the ocean. It isn't even a preference but rather a necessity. I would love to windsurf again. Have not done that in years.
I am going to go work out. I need to do something. I am driving myself mad with nervous energy waiting for these results and I don't have such a good feeling about what is coming this time, either. I sure hope I am totally wrong on this one!
Have fun, girls-
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Lizzy - I hope you are totally wrong too.0
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Lizzy - -I hate being hyper vigilant! No, no news yet, but no spotting or anything, and hoping that's a good sign.
My right breast hurts - the one where I had the reduction. Sorta near the nipple where i have scar tissue. My port scar sorta hurts too above it - it gets itchy. That's way above the breast tho -- UGH! All I can think is that last year when I first went for my mammo, for months i'd been having breast pain on the outer quadrant during my period, if I brushed up against it - sorta non specific pain. Now the right one hurts and of course I'm panicked. I just had a mammo then ultrasound - it didn't hurt then, that was about three weeks ago. Maybe this is just my period coming; like a normal tenderness. UGH! I don't know - I'm seriously SERIOUSLY thinking of just having this one off. breasts are way over-rated!
Lizzy -I'm with ya - I hate this waiting. I move from one thing to another - last week I had that shooting rib pain. Now that that's resolved, it's this..........it's just one thing after another!
Our senses can play tricks - try not to worry about brain mets - just about ANYTHING sensory related or head related can be a "symptom" of a brain tumor. I remember when I was having that dizziness - I was sure I had brain mets.............
It sure gets old - the wondering and being so vigilant over everything!
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Lizzy, Google always gives the worst case scenarios! I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping. Myabe they could give you something while you are waitng for results? When we went to Lake George last summer I couldn't swim b/c I had my port put in the week before Poor planning -. technically I was allowed to swim half way through the week, but the nurse said 'just one microbe' and that stuck in my head! Anyway, my sister gave me some of those short sleeve shirts you where when you work out and I just wore those over my suit bottom and went in up to my waist. Do you have a friend who has a pool where you could just wade or drift on a float. (Wasn't yesterday awful - so hot and humid.)
sweeney -looking good!
Carolyn
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Yes, it's so hot here in Jersey! We were supposed to hit Land of Make Believe today (a little amusement park about 10 minutes from here) but with the chance of showers this afternoon, we put it off until tomorrow. At least it won't be as sweltering! Doing this kind of stuff that we do each year makes me think about my dad -- I think I must have PMS because I'm just tearing up so easily over things like that these past couple of days.
My 14 yr old goes to camp next week - she saved up her babysitting money and some other people pitched in, and the camp took $100 off her admission as a scholarship--so I think this will be good for her. She's going w/a friend. I think she's really nervous now that it's coming up soon.
Where is the summer going? I think as a homeschooler we're going to start school late this year to extend the summer - it's going too fast!
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Lizzy, Cal - any news today?
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Omaz: nothing here yet. Thanks for asking. I am still not feeling good about this. In fact, and sad to say, I suspect they may biopsy even if they think it is b9. Crap, I hope I hear something soon!0
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Calamtykel: any news yet? Thinking of you. I am still waiting. I hope we both know something soon...or not! Perhaps no news is good news in this case....!0
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Lizzy give them a call tomorrow; you've been patient.
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All's quiet here - that's okay; he said the results would not be in until Wednesday, so that's tomorrow. Taking the kids to Land of Make Believe, an amusement park in our area, so I'm not even going to call if I don't hear, until Thursday.
Must say I jumped every time the phone rang today though. but I'm hanging in there. I would be surprised if it came back cancerous; as I really haven't had any other symptoms.
But I'm positive I'm about to get my period - I could kill somebody
I'm teary at the drop of a hat and I just don't want anybody around me -- and little things are ticking me off.......wish my body would just make up it's mind about the menopause thing! 0
