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You know youre a cancer patient when....

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AnacortesGirl
AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 119
edited February 2022 in Humor and Games

OK ladies.  I know this may go over like a lead balloon but I have a weird sense of humor.  And in the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy and his redneck jokes I thought we might have enough material to do some cancer jokes. 

You know you are a cancer patient when ...

You read a book and you laugh when the subject has been diagnosed with cancer and their first question to the oncologist is "Will I lose my hair?".

Your onc says that you need a transfusion and you ask "Can I get that from a  nineteen year old?" 

When your onc asks you the folllowing "Are you fatigued? Apetite OK? Any neuropathy? Bowels OK?" and you respond with "Can't you come up with any new questions?" and the onc responds with "I get paid to ask these questions!"

For more short, fun and uplifting posts, click the following link for some cute pics:

Warm & Fuzzy owls, goats, kitties, dogs, birds, ETC. Pics & Links

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Comments

  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 388
    edited July 2010
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    The onc/dr actually expects us to either gain weight and/or is happy with no weight loss.......

    You find yourself discussing your bowel movements with cyber friends from BCO online and don't find it a little strange.................

  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2010
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    You are thrilled to be able to poop "normally"....

    You have more Dr.s than friends ( this DOSEN"T include you ladies).....

    You can rattle off your platelet counts and actually know what good and bad are....

  • squidwitch42
    squidwitch42 Member Posts: 1,467
    edited July 2010
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    you look at an infants head of hair and compare it to yours

  • amlg1
    amlg1 Member Posts: 77
    edited July 2010
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    When everyone sooooo nice to you!

  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 388
    edited July 2010
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    your friends from work see you with very little hair and a bloated face from steriods and they say you look good...............

    you actually miss plucking or having your eyebrows waxed..................

  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2010
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    You are on a first name basis w/ the flower delivery guy

  • changes
    changes Member Posts: 42
    edited July 2010
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    Your breasts have had more "pictures" taken of them than Pamela Anderson's.

  • scooter-12
    scooter-12 Member Posts: 26,606
    edited July 2010
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    When you get your head shaved and look like the woman on the anti-nausea medication box, dark circles and all...

  • Alaina
    Alaina Member Posts: 153
    edited July 2010
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    ...when your sex life is so non-existent you actually look forward to being felt up by your oncologist...

    #Don'tJudgeMe

    #I'mJustSayin'

  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 1,313
    edited July 2010
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    You walk in the rads room through the hallway and threaten to just go there topless because what difference does it make anyway?  The whole entire cancer center has seen your boobs.

  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 16
    edited July 2010
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    ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!

    Alaina, I was just thinking those very thoughts at my last checkup a few days ago!  I can't even think of anything as funny as what I've read here, but if I do, I'll be back.

    Hugs

    Bobbie

  • momand2kids
    momand2kids Member Posts: 118
    edited July 2010
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    when you go to the dentist and start to unbutton your shirt because you have been showing everyone your breasts for so long....... 

  • shells43
    shells43 Member Posts: 499
    edited July 2010
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    People ask you how you are feeling and you answer truthfully. My favorite answer right now is "draggin' ass".

    Yours are more funny though, and I needed a laugh! Thanks

  • lovetosail
    lovetosail Member Posts: 36
    edited July 2010
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    (funny thread!)

    you don't go anywhere without immodium in your pocket

    you can't remember the last time you bought razors

  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 1,466
    edited July 2010
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    these are great!

  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2010
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    The sight of red kool-aid makes you gag..thanks A/C

    you no longer have to budget in shampoo..haircuts..colors..

  • claire_in_seattle
    claire_in_seattle Member Posts: 2,793
    edited July 2010
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    You ask for "seconds" of Communion Wine!

  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 129
    edited July 2010
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    when you're ecstatic over having nose hair

  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 78
    edited July 2010
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    when your living room sofa has a permanent indentation in it which looks strangely like your butt.

  • BrendaAreYouA4
    BrendaAreYouA4 Member Posts: 40
    edited July 2010
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    On windy days you have to hold onto your 'hair' to keep it from blowing across a parking lot.

    You have more anti-diarrhea medications than your grandmother!

  • BrendaAreYouA4
    BrendaAreYouA4 Member Posts: 40
    edited July 2010
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    ..When you keep at least 3 blue plastic throw up bags in your night stand drawer.

  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 78
    edited July 2010
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    when your pedometer says you took 108 steps today.

  • BrendaAreYouA4
    BrendaAreYouA4 Member Posts: 40
    edited July 2010
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    when your doctor gives you a prescription for a cranial prosthesis...

    when you wish you still had bad hair days... 

  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 11,438
    edited July 2010
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    When your family doctor asks if he can give you a hug.

  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 1,929
    edited July 2010
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    When you call people up to tell them (with great excitement) "I used mascara today!!!!"

    Leah

  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 253
    edited July 2010
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    when you fall off your bike.....end up with road rash, sprained wrist and broken finger and tell the doctor in urgent care."its not THAT bad" Cool
  • still-kickin
    still-kickin Member Posts: 12
    edited July 2010
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    You know you are a cancer patient when.....Your favorite snack is a rusty flagpole!Tongue out
  • lorrhaw
    lorrhaw Member Posts: 17
    edited July 2010
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    (This thread is too funny)

    You know you're a cancer patient when you are happy that you, or another breastcancer.org friend, GETS to have chemo because white blood cell counts stayed high,

  • still-kickin
    still-kickin Member Posts: 12
    edited July 2010
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    When you catch yourself giving self-breast exam in public

  • justpayton1
    justpayton1 Member Posts: 65
    edited July 2010
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    when you have to check to make sure you have all your "parts"on before you answer the door.