Ladies in their 30s
Comments
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Ihatemyboobs, thanks for your encouraging words. I totally get your anger and had my first COMPLETE screaming meltdown two nights ago at about 1:30am. (Fun times.)
It's tough to not get entire swallowed up by all of this. I'm now trying to get a handle on how this all goes... MRI on Tuesday, then Cancer Review Board the week after that, then meeting with surgeon the week after that - this will occur over the next two-three weeks. (It feels TOO long!?) Then how long until surgery? When do I pursue a second opinion? I have a chance to get into MD Anderson... but I live in Michigan and don't want to overreact (i.e., do I really need MD Anderson?). I know the questions and confusion will continue. Having just been diagnosed two days ago... I appreciate everyone listening to me vent as a frightened newbie.
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Esmeralda.... Sorry you had to join this club!!! But very glad you found this site....I didn't discover it until after my BMX and the scariest points for me were at the very beginning, waiting for answers and getting a plan into place. I had my 2nd opinion pretty quickly after my DX....I'd say within 3 weeks. I live outside Chicago so once I was dx'd I ran to one of the big city teaching hospitals for my 2nd opinion. It never hurts to get information from a whole new set of eyes!!
My BMX was scheduled about 6 weeks after I was dx'd.... Some women have surgery really quickly after Dx.... I waited until I knew as much as possible and had my 2nd opinion done, etc.... The doctors were not concerned with my waiting a little bit for surgery.
It looks like our Dx is pretty similar.... You most likely won't know lymph node involvement until your final pathology report from surgery, IF they take the sentinel node....which most do?!?
Anyways.... Hang in there....it does get easier!!!! And don't be afraid to tell your docs you are feeling overwhelmed.... Or to turn to the occasional Xanax to help you remain calm. It's a very scary time, but I promise you it will get easier!!!! Hugs to you!!!!0 -
Madismommy, thank you so much for responding and for your encouragement. It looks like our diagnosis is indeed fairly similar (just like ihatemyboobs). I've decided we're going to go ahead and pursue MD Anderson as a second opinion. We know people there, they've offered to "help" (not quite sure what that means yet), and so why wouldn't I take advantage of that?
I find that all I want to do is that research, research, research. I keep stopping by the computer to look up more stuff. Sometimes the "stuff" I find is encouraging, sometimes it's terrifying. It's Saturday; two days after my diagnosis... I should be spending time with my beautiful daughter and husband, right? Not constantly obsorbed in this and comparing myself to everyone else, trying to find every shred of good news that I can. Ugh. This is utterly crazy-making. You are all so amazing and your stories are all so encouraging.
Madismommy, if you don't mind sharing where are you in your treatment now? What did you choose to do - reconstruction? chemo/rad? Much gratitude...
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I don't mind at all.... I had a BMX with immediate reconstruction last June....I had my tumor in my left breast and during my MRI discovered some precancerous cells on my right side.... I had 3 sentinel nodes taken during the surgery, one came back with cancer in it (total surprise...my bs was confident that it hadn't spread going into the BMX). SO....I had an axilliary dissection in July to determine how much it had spread and if I should do rads.... I had clean margins with surgery and having done the BMX I was hoping to avoid rads, which all my additional nodes were clear so I ended up with chemo only. Started chemo on August 30th (6 rounds of TAC) and finished December 13th.... Definitely no walk in the park but chemo wasn't nearly as bad forme as I anticipated! The worst part was the hair loss and taste buds.... I'm now 15 weeks pfc and just waiting for enough hair growth to ditch my wigs and scarves, etc..... I also just had my exchange surgery on march 5th.... Finally getting rid of the uncomfortable TE's.
When I was first diagnosed I was a walking crazy person, trying to breath and see straight and collect any thoughts I could find.... It was rough! I was terrified and confused....and overwhelmed. I was 35 and no history of any cancer in my large family.....I just couldn't wrap my head around it all.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to try to relax and enjoy family, etc right now.....just know one thing for sure....you were NOT given a death sentence!!! It might feel like everything's crashing around you for a little while, but it does and will get easier!!!!! And we're all here to help each other!! Glad you found this forum.
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Esmereida: I was diagnosed in Nov/11. I am 33 with a 3 year old and 21 mos old. I am just finishing my chemo - last dose on Thursday. I had a double mastectomy and dose dense ACT chemo. I don't need radiation as I have no node involvement, my lump was under 5cms and I did not have a lumpectomy. When my pathology returned I not only had the lump (IDC) but also the whole breast was filled with DCIS (precancer cells). So good thing I did the mastectomy.
The thing is that you don't get your pathology - which is the key to everything - until you have your surgery and whatever you do in surgery does not determine your treatment plan. Your pathology will determine the treatment. At least that's how it is in Canada here. Good luck with everything and feel free to PM me if you want to scream, cry or anything. The hardest thing for me has been balancing the kids and all this crap!!
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Hello Everyone
I dont know why I didn't join this forum a year ago! I was diaganoised Dec 10 with Triple Negative cancer. I was 32 and my daughter was 10 months old. I remember every second of that time. I felt a lump went to the doctor and three weeks later the node was removed. It was so scary and I thank God that my husband, family, and friends were so supportive. Now I have been done with treatment for 8 months and I have my MRI scheduled for Monday. Going back to check is so scary...I shake in the doctors office and need Xanax a few days before. It is insane that there are so many of us out there and it seems that more and more are turning up. I try and do everything I can to make sure it never comes back! I am sorry Katlyn that you were just diagnosed...it sucks, but you do find out how many people care about you! I have never felt so much love in my life.
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Esmeralda, I was 31 at the time of my diagnosis. I felt a lump, waited a few months (of course) to have it looked at, my dr ordered an ultrasound - because it was or course a cyst. Upon arrival they did an mamagram but still appeased me with "cyst" talk. Because it was a little questionable the dr. Explained that he'd have to say it was probably malignant to have a biopsy ordered, but not to worry it was just business. I guess they forgot, so 3 weeks later I myself called and had the biopsy arranged. More waiting, and cancer it was. I thought for sure they'd be wheeling me into surgery that week!! Lol, yeah right! It was 3 months until my real surgery ( BMX w/ TE)!!!
- and i have done nothing but research online since my dx and I have 3 kids and a husband! Especially at first I was a little obsessesed with finding out what I would be dealing with.0 -
Madismommy, thank you for your words of comfort. My husband read your post and starting crying immediately. He is afraid to consider the "worst" and your post helped alleviate some of his own fears.
Borntosurvive, thank you for explaining what surgery does versus what pathology does. At first glance, it seems incredibly ironic that you have to choose a surgical procedure and only after recieve the complete path report... to learn what you SHOULD have done. Crazy. It makes me want to choose something more radical (if I have a choice).
Ihatemyboobs, how is your BMX w/TE going? You have three kids. People have said to me that BMX is such a HUGE procedure (in other words, you wouldn't want to choose it), and I'm like, "Umm... If there's an increased likelihood of beating this thing, why wouldn't I choose it? I'd like MORE assurance of healing myself than anything else." I can LIVE with pain, discomfort, limited activity for a while. But I'm so new at this, what the hell do I know? Love to you all, brave ladies!
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I found my lump nursing so I was SO emotionally attached to my breasts, as are most women. But once I came to the realization that I don't need my breasts to live (or my hair) but my goal was to live.....I chose the BMX. I also felt like I owed it to my husband and young boys to do everything I could to try and prevent it from coming back. So that's why I decided on the BMX. My surgeon told me he'd get my cancer with a lumpectomy but I know myself and I know I would worry with every little twinge in my breast if I left my breasts. I don't regret my decision for a second. I did not have any reconstruction at the time of surgery and I can look at myself in the mirror and know that if I get to live.....I can live like this. I am completely fine with it and feel like I did the right thing for me. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you. It's a personal decision (unless the surgeon tells you you have to do something) so don't feel like you're going to make the wrong one. It's what you can live with at the end of the day. I also know this was my most difficult decision because after the surgery the decisions are essentially made for you. So this is the one thing you decide. I felt a lot of pressure just from that regard. Good luck xo
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Esmeralda, my immediate gut reaction was to have them both removed. It just made sense, I had the floppiest, used up A cups that fed all 3 of my children so I was fine seeing them go lol!! Plus, how in the heck would they match my remaining flap-jack had I chose an UNI lol! My first dr really pushed for a lumpectomy but I just felt I needed the BMX. I switched dr.s, for other reasons, and went for the BMX. So, glad I did. Turns out I had all kinds of tumors and lesions in my affected breast.
I had so much family helping with my kids (thank goodness) and my husband was basically my nurse for the first week or so. Everyday got better, everyday I could do more and before you know it- it's like it never happened. If it weren't for the help with my kids (especially the 2 year old) I would have been in a much worse place. But after a week and a half I could function enough if I had to.
Now I have my hilarious TE's and have had 2 fills thus far and have had no problems, yet. I feel I made the right choice but wouldn't really know any better (which is just how I like it)0 -
Hey Ladies -
I'm 33, have a 2 year old baby boy and married.
I was diagnosed at the end of February and just had my mastectomy on Monday.
I was still breastfeeding when I noticed a bump that wouldn't go away, and in about a month, when I went to see a doctor to get my IUD removed so we can get started on baby #2, I pointed it out - and 24 hours later, after an ultrasound, mammogram and a biopsy I had a diagnosis.
I still have no staging, because final pathology is not ready yet. I do know that its Grade 3, ER/PR -, Her2 +. There seem to be several masses in my breast, just not clear if its all cancer or other thigns like calcifications from mastitis etc. We know there is lymph node envlolvement, just don't know how extensive. I got 12 l.n. removed during surgery.
Mastectomy is extremely painful, I am just starting to get used to living in pain, I guess I should get used to it, given that the plan is now:
4x2 AC
12 weekly Taxol + Hercepin
5 weeks radiation
Herceping x 3 weeks for a year
I am finding it very difficult ot stay positive, expecially being surrounded by well meaning people who keep telling me things like "Oh, but you are so strong, you will be just fine!" - I want to scream. Actually, my new favorite statement now is "oh, they make chemo very easy to handle now, so dont worry, you won't even fill it".
I am also extremely athletic and extremely healthy diet. Breastfed my toddler until he was 2. and no family history either. Apparently, none of that mattered. So I now have a very hard time beleiving that I should be doing things like having a healthy diet, etc, because, lets face it, none of that stuff means anything what so ever, you either get lucky or not...
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Hugs to you elesha!!! You just took me back to those first days after my BMX.... I thought the pain would never pass.... It will, it takes a lot of time and healing and rest but it will. The worst part for me in all this was the mastectomy.... Not being able to dress myself, help my 8 year old with things....it all just broke my heart.
I know what you mean about all the people saying how strong we are, etc..... I always said "I don't really have a choice?!? It's either face this beast and fight or die. Not sure how BRAVE that makes me". Actually....I was scared sh!tle$$!!!
I just got done with chemo....it wasn't as bad as I anticipated.... I know everyone's different but hopefully it'll be ok for you too. My worst thing with it was the hair loss...I cried for days. But, I picked myself back up and dusted off and kept going, at the end of the day I just wanted to keep living for my family!!!! And now my hairs starting to come back in.... I thought I'd never make it through my 105 days of treatments and I'm already 3 months past them..... I promise you that you'll get through it too!!! There's going to be some crappy days and it's ok for you to be pissed off and sad sometimes.... We wouldn't be normal if we didn't have these emotions.0 -
I just want to say, I love you, madismommy! You are a great encourager!
Ihatemyboobs, thanks so much for sharing your story. It's really so powerful to hear how others have and are coping with what initially seems insurmountable.
I read something on facebook today that I thought was quite funny, "If Britney Spears can get through 2007, you can get through today." That might just be my mantra for a while.
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Esmerelda... Lol, I love that....that might have to go on a t shirt!!! And thank you for the sweet words!! I just remember all those emotions I had last year and how lost and scared I was.... I honestly didn't see the light through the dark fog surrounding me.... The year I thought would never end actually did come to a close......if I can help someone else emerge from their fog I will!!! All I know is if I could do it than you all can....because I was so "broken" after my diagnosis and surgeries.....
What I really wish is that none of us had to go through this....but if it has to be atleast let us help each other right?
Don't you feel like we all won some crappy cancer lottery?? I've never won anything in my life and this is what I get?!?!? What the heck? See.... Almost a year since my Dx and I'm still bitter at times!!!0 -
Elesha: I also found my lump while nursing my son. I am just finishing up my ACT chemo and although I did not have an easy go with the A/C, I was manageable. This is a safe and supportive place to scream, cry or whatever you need to do. I have been riding this emotional rollar coaster since my diagnosis in November. I use to hate when people would say I was "brave" and "strong" etc. It made me feel like I couldn't just call them crying because they'd think I wasn't all those things. Your babe will be the most motivator to push through but also make the journey that much scarier. PM me if you ever need to vent. I'm a mother of 2 boys - 3 and 21 mos. We're all here for you xo0
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I also hate these, "you're so strong; brave; young - you'll get through this just fine" comments. It seems us "strong" ladies get a whole lot less sympathy. It's a slippery slope, I know, cuz sometimes people just say, "aww," and hug me - umm, weird who are you? And i'll say i don't want people to feel sorry for me but then again some days i may. But mostly I get high-fives and fist bumps which aren't always helpful if I'm having a sad day. Lol
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Yes, I have one aunt who would announce each one of my chemo treatments on facebook saying that I was "lacing up my PINK gloves for the (insert 1-6th) time....lets all CHEER her on"
I know she meant well.... it was like nails on a chalkboard to me.... seriously? PINK? Plus, my chemo sessions were so uneventful.... i didn't really feel like i was doing much boxing? LOL
I am sporting a "not quite long enough to be considered a pixie cut" hairdo right now (15 weeks PFC and just now able to go without my hair pieces) and I've gotten a bunch of discounts from stores because I think the salespeople feel sorry for me..... ha ha.... I'll take the extra 20% off....
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lol @ madismommy...you have inspired me to go shopping bald!
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I must not be as sensitive as others. I love pink and proudly wear it. I love it when people tell me I am brave, strong and an inspiration. I love all the new friends I have made through having BC. It is much better than people telling you, you look like crap, your bald and you may die.
So I gladly take the words, hugs and prayers, oh and the pink!
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Tomorrow is my last chemo and I am walking in wearing a pink tutu, a tiara and a shirt from my team at work (that they made and I haven't seen yet!!). I have friends coming and going throughout the day and we're are having Thai food to celebrate tomorrow night. I cannot wait!!!!
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Congratulations borntosurvive! You have indeed survived what, in my opinion, is the hardest part of all this!
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Im 32 and I'm married with a 3 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I had a bilateral mastectomy in february and began dose dense ACT treatment last week. This is such an emotional roller coaster. I have a good prognosis, but I find it hard not to think negatively... like will it come back? is this the only time in my life i'll have to fight? Its not fair, why me? I think my most recent anxiety is stemming from the anticipation of losing my hair. I am considering shaving it off before it falls out.... to have some control over the situation. I'm sure its going to be hard either way. I need to find the strength to get into a positive frame of mind all the time. I need to just do this and be strong because I dont like the person i was last week (Crawled up in a ball in my bed, very sad)
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I am 33 and married with 2 boys 3 years and 21 mos. Just finished my chemo and had a double mastectomy in November. I don't need radiation. I know how scary it can be and how dark the days can be right now. What I did was let myself feel whatever I needed to at the time but for only about 10 minutes. I know it sounds strange but otherwise I'd be in bed all day crying. I spent lots of time crying in the bathrub when the boys went to daycare. My boys are the best motivators for keeping going but also scary to think of what their lives would be like without me. I try not to think negatively but I know it's not easy. Just know that it's normal to be sad, angry, frustrated, and all those things. PM me if you need to vent. The nice thing about this site is we all understand. Hang in there.....your pathology is really good. You CAN do this xoxo
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Borntosurvive, congrats on finishing your chemo! It must feel amazing to have that behind you.
I myself have had a... shitty day. I think your advice about allowing yourself to cry for 10 minutes is great. I'm going to try and put it to use. I've been freaking myself out lately about how "bad" my bc might be. Again, I'm recently diagnosed and just beginning to look at surgery/reconstruction options. I don't know even lymph node status yet (although they keep telling me they look "good" via mamm, US and MRI), but my fear is palpable. (My sentinel node biopsy will be on May 1.) Part of the reason for this (I think) is because ironically enough I've been supporting one of my best friends through her stage IV diagnosis these last couple of years. I think this experience has me dreading the worst... does that make sense? Every ache and pain in my body has me thinking metastisis! It's literally crippling me. Has anyone else dealt with such devastating fear? When I was first diagnosed (about 3 weeks ago), another friend of mine with bc said that bc can almost feel like a competitive disease. That you have to fight the tendency to compare yourself to everyone else (i.e. "I'm so glad I don't have what she has..." or "but her pathology is so much better then mine..."). Isn't that crazy about this damn disease?
At any rate, I'm fully in the fear-tunnel today. Any words of encouragement would be incredible right now. I can relate to jpicciallo's fetal position day! (Hang in there, sister - you are not alone and SO many have been through and conquered all the crap that we are experiencing right now!) xxoo
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Esmeralda: I can understand that you would be scared having been supporting your best friend through her journey. I can say for myself that I have had a head ache one night or a back ache and had myself convinced that the cancer was spreading. I even spent a day physically feeling like it was spreading throughout my body. I was having anxiety attacks just going to the hospital for blood work and pretty well sick to my stomach walking into chemo. I spent days crying and had myself convinced I was dying. I had my funeral planned, my obit written and wondered who would talk at my funeral. I would hear a song on the radio and wonder if it would be approriate to play at my memorial service. I went into an appointment with my MO crying telling her I was convinced I was terminal. She told me that as far as she was concerned I was cured after surgery because I got clear margins and chemo was my "insurance policy" incase one little cell got away. She told me that SHE would be the one to tell me if my cancer progresses and stress and anxiety is not good for my healing or anything else. Long story short......I went to my family doctor and was put on an anti depressant. It's the lowest dose and it just helps give me clarity. It also helps me to be a better mom and just takes that edge off. I feel like I have been able to relax and sleep and just not have as many of those days when I feel like I am going crazy. There is no shame in taking something to get you through. I also felt better once my surgery was over and chemo started. I just got onto the treatment train and rode it. They also told me pre-surgery that my nodes looked good on the scans etc. and after surgery they were all fine. I had the sentinel node done too.
I have felt like a marathon runner - once you start the run you can't stop and the finish line feels so far away. Just take one mile at a time. We're all here for you to hold your hand and help you through this crazy journey. HUGS xo
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I made the decision last week to cut my hair real short/shave it.... tomorrow. Ive been having so much anxiety about it falling out, that I feel like if i have control when and how it happens it may be a little better. And Ill just be able to get it over with. Am i making the right choice? I kind of just want to move past this inevitable terrible side effect and start gettting comfortable with my wig. But I'm obviously still nervous about going!!!!
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jpicciallo-I say go for it!!!!! I had very long hair and cut it into a short pixie 2 weeks before chemo. I donated it to Locks of Love. 2 weeks after my first chemo infusion my hair began falling out in large clumps. I woke up one morning and handfuls remained on my pillow. I immediately went and had it shaved down to a buzz cut. It felt liberating that I was in control!!! You will do just fine. Remember it is only hair and it will grow back!!! I'm 6 weeks out since my last chemo and have finally gotten some peach fuzz regrowth. Being on this side of the end of the road, I can reassure you that your hair does not make you who you are. Always smile.....keep on smiling!
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KIM 137: Thanks so much. Its definitely going to be hard to go tomorrow, but I dont really see another option. Everywhere I read, dose dense ACT chemo means you will definitely lose your hair. I am donating to locks of love too... and I'm feeling good about that. I have my second treatment of AC on Tuesday, so thats why i made the appointment for tomorrow..... You definitely sound very positive... i have moments of positive thoughts, but my negative thoughts always creep up on me... hoping this will fade with time.
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Jennifer,
It's so easy to get discouraged and let those negative thoughts creep in! I definitely have been thru my moments, but I'm proud to say I have more good days than I do bad days. I wake up every day and decide NOT to let the worrying get to me, NOT to let the Internet Google searches give me anxiety, NOT to dwell on things I cannot control. Instead, I'm focusing on the positive things in life. I know, I know....easily said from the girl who has finished chemo. Trust me, around chemo #4 I was ready to quit!! Hell, after #1 I swore I wasn't going back! Lol! But I made it thru, and so will you! I'm getting ready for my implant exchange surgery and will continue on Herceptin the rest of the year. Just take it one day at a time. Feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk.0 -
I was dx at 38. Turned 39 2 days post umx. I have 4 kids. 8, 6 and twins that are 3. Currently waiting to get a date just to meet and MO and RO. Tired of all the waiting. Glad to have this place to get support.
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