Great saying about depression
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Kate I am so very sorry you are having to deal with all of this!!!! I am glad you are going to try a different therapist if you think you are not getting the best treatment. The anger is understandable. This disease takes it's toll in so many ways. The anger is an honest response to something that is causing you pain both emotionally and physically. It means you are alive and wanting the best for you. I say let it go and then step forward.
Stanzie I hope you can get relief as well.
Diane your PS sounds great. My first one called to see how it was going since I am now with a different one. Only because my first one didn't do fat injections. How sweet was that!!!!! I am so touched by random acts of kindness.
I hope today treats each of you gently.
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My favorite line about depression addresses its utter futility.
Some of you are old enough to remember John Prine's "Bruised Orange" album from back in 1978. The title track is subtitled "Chain of Sorrow:
"You can gaze out the window get mad and get madder, throw your hands in the air, say 'What does it matter?' but it don't do no good to get angry, so help me I know
For a heart stained in anger grows weak and grows bitter. You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there wrapped up in a trap of your very own chain of sorrow."
- John Prine
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Kate...that really SUCKS that you had to have your wedding ring cut off. I have been dealing with LE in my right arm for over a year now. I have found an LE PT that I like really well. I just see her when I have a flare up. I wear my compression sleeve every day and wear a Capresia night sleeve also which I think helps alot. Fortunately, I have never had any pain with it, just a fat arm. Most people would never notice it until I point it out. Very sweet of your DH to come to your pity party with you. I think that my DH gets a little scared when I throw my parties, so he just holds me.
The home health care nurse that is checking on me while going through these antibiotic IV's was telling me that her mother is a BC survivor and has such a terrible problem with LE that she has to use an electric LE massage thingy twice a day. I have never heard of that.
DiDel.. what a great PS you have.
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Charles - thanks for the Jon Prine clip.
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Charles--song does hit a chord(no pun intended).
Kate, I am so sorry about your ring. Remember its just a symbol, your DH's love is in your heart.
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my dil is a massage therapist, and wears her ring around her neck.. see if they can reconstruct the ring, and wear it, Kate.. no matter where it is, its imp to you!!!
getting the right le therapist IS important.. i switched 2 till i found the ight one. im on "automatic" for now, with all the bells and whistles. picking up new gloves and sleeves, again friday..
those machines are suppossed to help with mld, not replace it.. but most ins co DO cover them.. i may be getting one for my trucal...
my body is at war with itself!!!i can't do mld on trucal, cause i can't stretch enough from le, and neuropathy prevents me from feeling if im "there" grrrrr we just keep adjusting, till we find the "sweet spot" don't give up.. we'll find it!!!!
Kate: i m a bit protective of my identity.. we've had ours stolen once, already..
and, i found bco has a facebook page, where avatars show.. probably, they're with permission, but erring on the side of caution.. anyone who knows me, knows my story, and how i love the 2 little furbabies I DO have...
3jays
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3jays- Just glad I got to see your smiling face so I can put a name with a face. My DH has had his identity stolen once, too, so I completely understand being cautious.
A friend texted me this morning at 5:00 a.m. (I wanted to text back- Hello! Have we just met? You know I'm not a morning person!) Anyway, couldn't get back to sleep so am now looking at a gorgeous desert sunrise coming up over the saguaros. Beautiful shades of gray, pink and orange. So how is that for turning lemons into lemonade? I'm trying, huh?
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Kate, I couldn't sleep either. Tossed and flopped and flipped and flopped again. My back is screaming at me when I lay down, can't seem to get a comfortable position. And BTW, who texts at 5 am??? Was she a east coaster? Still no excuse.
Just got back from my regular onc checkup. LP spent a good ten minutes with me--my MO was in the office for not EVEN 2 minutes. I had to stop her from leaving to ask her about recon and if I was ready. "Why don't we wait till fall?" Seriously? RRGGHH. I want to get this process moving and over with!!
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I am NOT a morning person either but so far my puppy hasn't figured this out. Today was my sleep in morning..... not...However I will say being new to mornings, they are lovely I must say. I get up when it is still dark and can watch the sun come up (not the sun rise- too many trees) but the colors of the sky are amazing. I also have been loving hearing and watching the birds wake up. What an amazing experience... too bad it all just can't happen later in the day.....
Kate, I know nothing about "real" phones as I hate mine and look forward to my contract ending in the fall but can you turn off just the text noises? Not being able to text(yes I know one of the few and certain maybe the only Mom of teenagers who don't text) - I don't know about these things but I could see texting someone and thinking it would be a way, like email, not to disturb them with a phone call. But as I said I don't know nothing about those newfangle phones - LOL! Just hope to!
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I went with two friends to see Avenue Q last night! Totally outrageous but grand fun and in a good feel good way. We had dinner and some wine beforehand then came back to my house for dessert of these amazing cupcakes that one friend brought. The wine would have to have worn off by then but we sat ourside on the porch and laughed and laughed like I haven't in many years.... just seemed like everything was hilarious and I slept so great last night. It was the most fun I think I have had since my BC diagnosis. So get together with friends and Laugh!
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Stanzie- You can definitely turn off all the bells and whistles on your cell at night- I just forgot to. Guess I really was meant to see that sunrise. I know what you mean about the mornings. It's just a totally different experience- very peaceful. Now I'm jealous of all those early birds! SO glad you had a wonderful time last night with friends. You deserve it and laughter is the best medicine! It is amazing how therapeutic it is when we connect like that. Maybe BC has just isolated us for too long.
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Stanzie glad you had fun!!! It takes you away if just for a minute or two doesn't it.....
Kate BC is isolating. Especially while you go through treatments and recon. It takes a lot of energy to put on the public face or deal with how are you doing when you know you can't really tell them since rarely would they understand and most times don't really want to know. I find still that as I am going through recon still after all this time that I sometimes get anxious about being with people who have not gone through it. I do not want to see people that have not seen me since my surgery I just can't deal with the first look being at your chest.
It is so nice when the beauty of our earth can amaze and delight us. To take us to a place of peace.
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Stanzie, I saw Avenue Q a few years ago and I loved it. So glad you had a nice evening filled with laughter.
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3Jays, I am glad I logged on while you had your picture in your avatar...It was nice to see you. You have a great smile and I loved the wig on you!
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Diane -- all I could think of this morning was if you bought a ticket at that 7-11. Wishful thinking for you!
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Lottery winners , anyone? I have never bought a lottery ticket and don't know how to play. Illinois has become the first state to allow you to buy them online. Maybe I can figure that out.
My back surgery is delayed indefinitely delayed because my PS says the only way to put these cellulitis infections to rest forever is to have surgery to replace this thin, tight skin on my radiated breast. So, I am on IV's for another week and then in for lat flap surgery on April 11th. Whatever. Actually, I am okay with that as I am tires of worrying about developing more of these infections. I was relieved when my PS recommended moving on like this.
My new supply of IV's came with the Eclipse delivery which I tried for the first time this morning. OMG, so much easier and freeing. Heck, I stuck the thing in my pocket and went about my morning. I am a real happy camper this morning. Had to call my home nurse and thank her for getting this for me.
Cmblastic... My back feels soooo much better laying down. Sounds like you are the opposite?0 -
joan- Have you ever looked into fat grafting. It is much less invasive than lat flap surgery and it's supposed to work wonders for radiated skin. I had it done last spring. The PS grafted fat from my stomach and thighs and placed it over the implants. It feels and looks just like breast tissue and completely covered the implants. I think I got the same result without the extra incisions of the flap surgeries. Just something to think about.l
Somehow I tweaked my back last night and now feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Such an attractive look. We're supposed to go to a bbq tonight but not sure I can muster the energy or the posture to make it through the night. Off to soak in the jet tub with some epsom salts. God, I feel old today. lol!
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just popping in to say hello Ladies!! Happy Monday...sadly I did not win the Megamillions!!
When I heard it was in Baltimore I was like oh PLEASE let it be me...but no. It was actually in a not so good part of town...and I sense drama with this winner.
I have been reading but so busy with work havent had time to log on...I shouldnt be on now but I needed a mental break.
I am hoping this is my last crazy week of work.
Thinking of you all...hope you have a great week!!
Diane
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Kate, i tweaked my knee doing Zumba! omg i am so old 2 years i was teaching all this stuff!! I hope your back gets better quick, but it just takes time now i think with age but im giving my knee a week longer and to my doc i go!
DiDel,sorry you did not win the megamillion, but glad you do not live in that part of town
love to all Karin
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Karin you made me LOL!!
Kate where are you??? Are you ok???? How;s the PT going??? Do I need to start stalking you
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joan, that must've been the kind i had.. glad you're finding it easier.. sorry about the surgery, but if it'll help you never get the infections again, its totally worth it.. mines chronic.. but, i have anew system, and dr cultures every month, so they don't get bad.....3jays0
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Didel, if you can find out the names of the folks that won that lottery, let me know. I want the $20 that I had to pay for the work pool refunded. That is the least they can do! lol.
Interesting reading here!
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Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Easter weekend. I've been keeping a low profile due to a messed up shoulder which seemed to add to my funk. I'm still trying to process the whole LE DX too. Sure do miss the carefree days of not thinking about medical stuff. I've been trying to get my house ready for Easter company while babying the LE arm and cursing SFBC (Stupid F'N Breast Cancer) as someone on here calls it. I think I need a t-shirt that says that!
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Happy Easter!!!! Hope everyone is having a peaceful holiday. I had my sister and niece and nephew for brunch and now heading to my mothers...UGH! I have to eat before I go...she can NOT cook...LOL
I am looking forward to my last week before tax deadline. This is the first day I have had off since January when I went back to work. I feel so tired btu it is beautiful day today and I am going to walk my puppy then head to dinner. Hope everyone is well today!
Love you all! Miss you!
Diane
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BTW I forgot to tell you ladies about my Thursday....no I did not find the winning Megamillions ticket..I was lotioning up in the morning and discovered a lump on my mx side. I got so scared it was under my clavical (sp?) and was kinda big but near where my primary tumor was. So I called my BS who I adore...and he was in the office and very busy so his asst set me up with the PA which I was like I dont care I just want a trained set of fingers to feel this thing...So I went within the hour to the BS office and much to my surprise my BS came in the exam room..I still feel self conscious of anyone else seeing these things aside from my BS and my PS. Anyhow, My BS said How can I know you are here and not see you! I love him. He did an ultrasound right there and said it was just fat. He printed out the US and explained what I was looking at and reassured me that there was no tissue in there and that there are also no nodes in that area. I said hope you dont think I am crazy and he said Id rather you over react than be in denial and come in a year later riddled with cancer. He said thats what he is here for and to never feel silly if I feel worried.
he is the best! Anyhow, thought Id share because that is how your doc should be and you should go to the docs as soon as you suspect something. We are never silly to worry.
Hugs to all..
Diane
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Diane, My BS is like yours. Everyone loves him. If I had to have BC, I surely am glad to have gotten such a great surgeon. You were right to have your lump checked. So happy that it was nothing.
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Diane- I'm sorry you went through such a scare! I would have been FREAKING OUT! I'm so glad you have such a wonderful BS, though. And glad it all turned out o.k. How the heck do we get lumps of fat, though?
I have my appointment this week with my new LE therapist. It can't come soon enough. I don't have my compression sleeves yet because I was waiting to see what this LMT said to order. So, of course, I overdid it since we were hosting Easter here and am paying for it now. I'm in so much pain today. So today is a jammie day for sure.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter holiday.
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Kate33, I hope you will feel better soon. Good luck with the new LE therapist.
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Kate I am so sorry you are having a tough day. Yes BC is a horrible disease that is so complex and layered and emotionally and physically traumatic. I hope your new LE specialist can help.
Sometimes we just get so weary of it all. Then there is the kind word or smile that will change our focus for a minute and let us breathe again. That is my wish for you today.
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Kate I cant wait for a jammie day!! I hope you had a peaceful pain free day. I hope your LE therapist does the trick!
Thanks all for the support! My BS said women get those fatty deposits all the time but because I have no tissue there I feel it. You absolutely couldnt see it on US it was transluscent. I remember what my tumor looked like so that was a huge relief to see it for myself.
Just finished my last return for the night...this week can not end soon enough. I have to tell someone they owe $800,000 with their extensions tomorrow. NOT looking forward to that conversation. Although they should be happy they are making money hand over fist and have $800,000 in their bank account ot write the check...of course he wont see it that way.
Good night ladies!!
Diane
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