Great saying about depression
My husband came to me one day and had found a quote on depression that really hit home for me, and I hope it helps all of you.
"Depression is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign you've been strong for too long."
Since this is a large forum, many of you may already have heard this. Although I'm still on the path out of depression, the above quote makes me somehow feel more "normal" and gives me strength. I hope it helps all of you, too.
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That's really great, Dawnsm, and so true: Plaster cracks, but chewing gum just gives way, You can't build a house out of chewing gum though! Well maybe in the arctic you can... freeze it enough it gets hard but brittle.
I also think when we appear too strong, it's easy to find that other people dump on us and we have an unfair load and no respite. One thing I have learnt, been learning this year, is to fight for time for me, to protect myself a bit better especially from the unreasonable demands of some of my more "needy" friends who give nothing back and never allow that I might not be feeling 100%: it's not selfish, it's essential.
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Dawnsm, great quote! thank you
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Excellent, and I also loved the it's not selfish, it's essential.
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thank you. that is a great quote.
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I needed to see that. Thanks!
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I needed this ladies. Having a rough time re-adjusting back to work. I wish I never disclosed what was going on. I really hate all the sympathy!!! I am over it NOW!
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So true. Thanks for sharing.
Fighter34, I hate all the sympathy, too. It makes me sad and feels awkward.
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Perfect timing for me too! Don't know if it's the daylight savings thing, but though I normally love the fall, I've been depressed lately and feeling guilty for feeling depressed. How sad is that???
Years ago I had a doctor say to me (after listening to me for 20 minutes describing my life) "don't you think you have the RIGHT to feel depressed?" Wow, that was different!
Thanks for the good words.
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hi dawnsm..thanks for this quote. i know many of us will be inspired by this one.
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Thank you I like that , and think it might even be true. Being strong for too long , and the part of taking care of you being essential. I definately need some new friends... anybody in WI?
Nature
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Thank you so much for posting that. I have been struggling with this overwhelming sadness and could not understand why. I went to a counselor a couple days ago, thinking I needed to talk about some things. She even mentioned depression (I don't know what I depressed about, I have a great life!) . but now I realize I never really cried.
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I am so depressed I don't know what to do. I have never ever been this way. I can't seem to find my way. I will be at a year on 12/29/10. Just had my exchange due to many many complications. I am just sad. Don't even want to get out of bed. I have always been able to bounce back. I just feel like I have been knocked down one to many times. And I have a wonderful husband and a good life until a year ago. Not always easy but could keep going. I don't want to get on an antidepressant because I don't want to jepordize the Tamoxifen and I know once you start they can be hard to get off of. Just my own thing. People sure don't get this at all. They think once the surgery is over you are done. Little do they know how long it takes to go through reconstruction and all the implications that never go away afterwards. I love the quote thanks.
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(((((Determined))))) I wish I could make you feel better.
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Determined, you are better on the medications rather than the Tamoxifen! Quality of life is more important than a small percentage of safety with the Tamox. Surely there is a drug out there you can use????
If you feel as badly as I do when I'm not on my meds, then you have a good chance of becoming suicidal and all the Tamoxifen in the world won't make a difference....
Please, please, get some help!
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Determined, there are anitidepressants that are compatable with the tamoxifen.
I echo what Barbe said, please please please get some help!
You deserve it.
Sending love.
Leah
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nmi and barbe1958 you are both very kind. I see my Oncologist on Dec. 5th so will talk to her. When I told her I was depressed last time, I have only seen her once because I switched docs she said basically of course you are. I felt guilty for feeling depressed because I caught it early. She said it doesn't matter. But she is the one who brought up being hard to get off them.
I have had some really bad experiences at the hospital, with docs and who I thought were friends. I am sure that is not helping. I read an article that it takes about two years for a woman to come to full acceptance after losing a breast and I am at 11 months so maybe what I am feeling is normal. All the books I have read talk about this. It is just so unlike me and scary to feel this sad. I feel like I have lost who I was and will never get her back. I won't maybe some but you can't go through something like this I don't think and not be forever changed.
I love that I can share with women who understand because most certainly do not. They can't even empathize much. My sister said she wished I wasn't so concerned about my physical appearance. Well she has both of her breasts. I know she didn't mean it to hurt but it did and it makes me angry that women are so insensitive to other women.
Sorry I am rambling. Thanks for the kind words.
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Determined, first of all please, do not consider doctors your friends! They aren't. They are your employees. That is all. They care when you are in front of them, but you'll notice they have to check their notes each time you see them. They can't possibly remember everything about you and it's up to you to tell them what you need.
Secondly, you many NEVER get over losing your breast! Who said there is a time limit? I got over mine in hours. Does that make me crazy? Nope. I had just lived through 30 years of mammo recalls everytime, 3 biopsies and tons of lumps and knew it was coming. It did. I dealt with it. You will too, in your OWN time. And in your OWN way! Who knows? I may have a breakdown over it all in 10 years time. I don't know....and neither does anyone else!
Thirdly, Change is inevitable, growth is optional. You will always have change in your life. You can accept those changes or not. If you don't accept them, then you have to be prepared to deal with making big changes. Your sister thinks she is helping you by minimalizing the importance of a breast. A breast is VERY important, and you have the right to grieve for it. In your OWN way, in your OWN time.....get it?
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I can totally relate to your situation and we have about the same diagnosis. I have a very good prognosis, so I felt guilty being depressed about everything I been through. There are days I am falling apart on the inside and noone knows. :ast week I called the cancer resource center at the local hospital and they have free counselling services and support groups. I met with a counselor and it did help. She said more women with good prognosis go through these feelings and it is very common to happen a year after diagnosis. You have been through alot and have a right to your feelings. Are there any support groups in your area?
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It's like a survivors guilt. I didn't do chemo or rads and have no on-going meds. So I dodged all those bullets too, but dammit! I still had CANCER!!!!
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Determined,
Leah_S is right, there are anti-depressants that don't mess up your tamoxifen, one is named Effexor. And yes, I think it takes a while to get up to your therapeutic dose of any anti-depressant and also you shouldn't stop abruptly. Like many many drugs, you need to slowly wean yourself off. There is alot of discussion about anti depressants on these boards, many women find them helpful. You deserve to feel like yourself again. And it doesn't mean you have to stay on it the rest of your life. Perhaps if it helps you to feel like yourself again, when you know that is possible, then you can gradually stop! you are suffering and you deserve to feel better.
Take care,
Julie E0 -
You are all so very kind. I love the ability to be honest and open without fear of being judged. I believe that I have to look inside and find the person that use to be there. I am a fighter and I have stopped fighting. I need to be the person I want to be and know I can be. I have to believe that it is okay to grieve and be sad as we all have lost so much with this disease. But I can't be blind to what I have gained since this diagnosis. That is even a deeper marriage then I had before. I do go to a support group but I may need to go to a professional. I am not sure but I do know that you are all very special and a blessing in my life.Oh and I wasn't saying I thought the docs were my friends. I was talking about the people in my life who I thought were friends that basically disappeared. They said they wanted to be there but I found out only when it was convenient for them or when I put on the perfect patient face and said everything was fine. Declutter....that is what I have done with those friends moving forward. I will cherish true friends and weed out the friends of convenience. I need to remember to be gentle with myself and work at healing both physically and emotionally. Thank you.
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Dawnsm- Thank you for sharing that quote. I, too, read it on a day I needed it most.
Determined- All the feelings you described are exactly the way I have been feeling. It's as though you crawled into my brain. We even have the same "cancerversary" of 12/29. As the date approached I find myself more and more depressed. I always loved the holidays but find it so hard to get into the spirit of things this year. Like you, I've have to de-clutter my list of friends because I just felt so abandoned by most of them. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! I can empathize with everything you are going through.
Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived in the same little town and could support each other in person?
Naturelover- Not in WI, unfortunately! I'm all the way in AZ!
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Dawnsm, much appreciation for that quote! I haven't hit depression yet (I think), but am so very, very, very tired of being "strong". I'm a single mom (2 teenagers at home, 20-year old at college) and this past year brought BC, daughter w/stress/anxiety induced seizures, official end to marriage, mother w/rapidly progressing dementia, and the year is ending with need to find a new job.
Barbe1958 and Determined I've felt that survivor guilt thing, too. I feel like I don't have room to feel scared/depressed because my diagnosis was "a bullet that just grazed me". That's a quote from my first oncologist. I switched to a more tactful, but direct one. But it's still scary. I think it gives me a small glimmer of what others on BCO are going through.
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Determined - After 4 surgeries in 1 year, constant pain, blah blah blah. An Antidepressant changed my life. I am on my third one before I found the right one. Mine gets much worse in the winters. My dr also recommended "full spectrum" lights. These aren't the expensive lights you often see advertised. They are regular light bulbs and cost a little more. I get them at a hardware store
I really have never morned the breasts, so I don't know what that is like. (only had cancer in one - but wanted them both off) Having the healthy one removed gave me a sense of peace in not having to think of ever going through that again.
Stay in touch - we understand
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Oh My Gosh, I think you all have replicated my entire soul. I'm 2 years out from my last treatment and feel like I'm falling apart.Sad, angry, bitchy. My Onc put me on Celexa and Lunesta after I burst into tears in her office a month ago. I, too, felt like I had nothing to complain about as my cancer was just a little "blip on my personal radar". Especially when I would see other people during chemo who were so obviously very, very ill. I finally got the nerve to call my local cancer support office today and the woman taking my info was amazed I had made it this long without some professional help. She asked who my support was and I said this board was my greatest support.Determined, please look into meds and find a good therapist. I think finding the right person to talk to is the best gift you can give yourself right now.
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I hope you all don't think this is stupid, but I feel we should have a group hug now!
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{{{{{{{{{{GROUP HUG}}}}}}}}}} these are never stupid!
I just learned I, too, have to change my Prozac to something else so I can take Tamoxifen. I'm nervous - I've been on it for 10 years, and added Wellbutrin a couple of years ago. I see my doc tomorrow . . .
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Mrs. Nice .. Celexa doesn't interfere with Tamoxifen and works well for me.
BTW .. I'm born and raised in San Diego too! Living on the east coast now.
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Nice, my Cymbalta wiped out 30 years of Zoloft and a couple years of Welbutrin (combined with Zoloft). It's all doable once you find the perfect cocktail. Stay on top of your feelings and have an emergency pill - my doc tells me to take it "when I feel like I'm going to kill someone". I love that man!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ group hug ! }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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