Great saying about depression
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Hi Everyone! I'm back after a great weekend. There were some challenges being "on" for so long but, all in all, a great weekend. The resort was absolutely gorgeous. (If you google "Camelback Inn" you can see images.) There was drinks, great food, music, dancing and some relaxing pool time (and some alone time, too
). So peaceful and relaxing and just what my DH and I needed. We came home Sunday afternoon and celebrated Father's Day with our DS and my 2 stepdaughters who made us dinner. Then on Monday it was my birthday so spent it with my family and then last night some friends had us over to celebrate as well! I've been trying to catch up on here!
3jays- Sorry about the fight with your DH. I hope things have resolved. This whole thing is so hard on a relationship on both sides and it seems like it goes on and on. I know your DH is probably mourning in his own way for what you once were and what you once had. This forever changes us, unfortunately, and it causes a lot of stress on our relationships. Hope you both can open up and talk about it and move past the hurt feelings.
Stanzie- What a day from H***! People like to say God only gives you what he knows you can handle but sometimes you just want to say, "Seriously? Are you kidding me?" Hope sometime in the future you can look back on it and laugh. I really did picture it as a funny sitcom episode but guessing you haven't seen the humor in it yet. I think you definitely need a handyman you can call on from time to time. Ask around for a recommendation. There must be someone who's out of work or some retired person looking for things to do that could help out on an as-needed basis. I keep threatening to hire my DH out for our neighborhood- lol!
Hopeful- Glad the surgery went o.k and that you have a new BS now who is more pro-active. Hope everything is healing well!
Think I'm still recovering from the weekend because I'm still in my p.j.'s! Guess I better get dressed and get something accomplished!
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Happy Birthday Kate!! Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend and Birthday celebration!!! You deserve it!!
Diane
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Glad to hear the weekend went well, Kate, and a belated Happy Birthday!!
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So happy you got to enjoy the weekend Kate!! Sounds like a great time.
Hope your birthday was special too!!!
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Kate - Happy birthday and I am so glad you and hubby had a good weekend away.
Stanzie: Hope you enjoyed dinner with your two friends. Guess you don't have any more interest in the 34 yo than friendship? You dog seems really smart so maybe you two could work on some commands and tricks for him - anything is better than chewing on dead animals.........
Barbe - you crack me up - you are one powerful lady that you can interfere with electrical current. I'd invite you to come for a visit but don't think I could afford fixing everything after you left (smile)
Hi to Claire and everyone else!
I am trying for a good week. Failed yesterday - didn't get up until 5pm, but today feel better so will go for it while I can.
Thank you, my friends, for being here.
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Debbie - I think his Mother is only a few years older! LOL! Yipes! We did laugh a lot.... I think I'm punchy today. Started out when I had left a message with a friend who was going to go walking with me that I was looking up something on BC. She thought that stood for birth control! Well, that sent me into giggles. Then at lunch, I just couldn't talk, tried to say Swiss and it came out Svish... and just went down from there so yes it was grand fun! We closed the restaurant down- it is one of those revolving ones with a view of the city and the 84 year old told us all sort of fabulous stories!
So yes he got another dead rat this afternoon and ate a bunch of it but I kept throwing small pieces of cheese at him and he finally left it to get the cheese and I quickly put him inside. Then had to dispose of the disgusting thing... anyway, will start working on trading with him and if I see on... thought about possibly putting critter ridder on it - lots of strong herbs and pepper and for good measure will throw some cayenne on it. So hoping I can teach him they are NOT tasty.... What I'm really worried about is there are about 5 large lots down the street that are huge and all wooded - well they have been sold and houses will soon be going up and I'm positive lots more critters(rats) live there so there will be a mass explosion of horrid critters. If my neighbors start using poison then that will be bad!!! Anyone else have any thoughts other than getting Barb to come and electrocute them by walking through the yard - LOL! I'm teasing, I promise
Oh Debbie sounds like you needed the extra rest! I used to be able to do that and I so miss being able to stay in bed... my back is too painful to stay lying down... hate this but hopefully my internest can help.
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Debbie - I think his Mother is only a few years older! LOL! Yipes! We did laugh a lot.... I think I'm punchy today. Started out when I had left a message with a friend who was going to go walking with me that I was looking up something on BC. She thought that stood for birth control! Well, that sent me into giggles. Then at lunch, I just couldn't talk, tried to say Swiss and it came out Svish... and just went down from there so yes it was grand fun! We closed the restaurant down- it is one of those revolving ones with a view of the city and the 84 year old told us all sort of fabulous stories!
So yes he got another dead rat this afternoon and ate a bunch of it but I kept throwing small pieces of cheese at him and he finally left it to get the cheese and I quickly put him inside. Then had to dispose of the disgusting thing... anyway, will start working on trading with him and if I see on... thought about possibly putting critter ridder on it - lots of strong herbs and pepper and for good measure will throw some cayenne on it. So hoping I can teach him they are NOT tasty.... What I'm really worried about is there are about 5 large lots down the street that are huge and all wooded - well they have been sold and houses will soon be going up and I'm positive lots more critters(rats) live there so there will be a mass explosion of horrid critters. If my neighbors start using poison then that will be bad!!! Anyone else have any thoughts other than getting Barb to come and electrocute them by walking through the yard - LOL! I'm teasing, I promise
Oh Debbie sounds like you needed the extra rest! I used to be able to do that and I so miss being able to stay in bed... my back is too painful to stay lying down... hate this but hopefully my internest can help.
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Stanzie, it is a worry if your cat starts eating rats which have been poisoned. Once they clear the lot that should decrease the rat population but guess when the people are moving in you can't go down and say please no rat poison as my cat hunts here and eats them. You could also buy them a welcome to the neighborhood gift of a box of sticky rat traps which I have used with good results before we got Fred. Also your idea of seasoning (what a hoot) the rat maybe with cayenne pepper and it might do the trick as well as you rewarding him for bringing them in whole with bits of cheese.
I guess I did need the rest. I tend to go and go and then I crumble. I have two speeds fast and none. Lying on my back and sides did hurt somewhat as I have 3 slipped lumbar discs, but what's a gal to do? At least my bumps (that's what I call my breasts) don't bother me!
As far as you dating a younger man, my husband is 20 years older than me and it's worked for 33 years - so.........
But then years ago someone who didn't know us and I was about 25 would come to the door and ask if my Father was home! Jerry, my DH found it funny. Then when I had Max and Jerry would take him out without me, people would ask Max (son) if he was having fun with Grandpa (Jerry was 60). He laughed. Then Jerry started saying 'oh and my wife is 19 ' so you know how kids pick things up and Nex Max e would add after the 'Grandpa' exchange 'and me Mum is 19'. Don't let numbers define you.
Oh I just thought, maybe you can get Barge to visit you and shock all those rats to death's door with her lightening energy!
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Thanks for all the birthday wishes and graphics!
Stanzie- You are a braver woman that I! Not sure I could deal with the whole dead rat thing. Wish I had some answers for you. We have had a quail lay eggs in one of our potted plants on our back patio. So far my sweet dog, Piper, has brought in 3 eggs and layed them gently in her bed. Not sure if she wants to hatch them or have them for lunch. I put them back in the nest and the mom seems to still be laying on them but no idea if the babies will survive. After they hatch we have the additional problem in that they can't fly right away so will be trapped in the backyard. That's when things get really interesting. But both my dogs are part terrier, so part ratter, and love to hunt things. Luckily, they aren't as quick as your Alfie so rarely catch anything! Hope you can find some answers for getting him to give up the mouse canapes!
Does anyone watch "The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet" on Lifetime? She does a series of interviews of different women celebrities. She had Christina Applegate on who was talking about her BC and MX. Amanda was kind of assuming that recon could make everything as it was before. Christina was the first one I've ever heard that said that things look good but that it will never be the same. She said she has a real disconnect from that part of her body. It was the first time I've ever heard someone publically talk about what we've all seemed to be struggling with. Somehow it made me feel better to know that here is someone who seems to have it all together, has so many resources available to her, and yet underneath is facing the same issues.
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Happy Birthday, Kate!
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Kate, I haven't seen that show, but that is Wonderful for her to say that!!! I think if it wasn't such a taboo thing or secretive then women and their men would be much better prepared!
Kate, I think I would worry about when the quails hatch... any way you could slowly start moving the pot further and further away to safety....
Just to clarify my cat Tully kills the rats and the dog, Alfie eee..at.st them shuddder shudder...... Just so grossed out. Probably wouldn't be as bad if he hadn't brought them in and heard the crunching. Interesting fact which I did NOT know. bones of animals that are not cooked are not bad for dogs, you know like chicken bones- I was worried about the rat bones but apparently that isn't a problem since I hadn't sauted them... Did I just say that? LOL!
So no treats so far today so I'm happy
My son with Down syndrome comes home from camp today! So that will be fun to hear all about his time!!! And the electrician is here... I did ask if I could be doing any of this...for me seems like know... Barb...?? Maybee.....
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HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hmmm, what does rat taste like? With cayenne pepper on it, it would taste like Popeyes Chicken!!!!
As for the quail eggs, that is so sweet!!! The pup thinks he's going to hatch them! How did he know to be gentle? That's a good idea about moving the pot further away every couple of days, otherwise it'll be like a buffet line.
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LOL on Popeyes! So I bought this huge container of cayenne pepper at Sam's club.... can't find it for the life of me.... I know it was in the car as I debated keeping it there so I could just carry it outside when needed... but what on earth I did with it... Oh please brain come back to me, even just for a visit would be so helpful!
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barbe- Buffet line- lol!
Unfortunately, the pot is too heavy to move. I might have to herd the chicks out the gate after they hatch.
Stanzie- "Oh please brain come back to me, even just for a visit would be so helpful!"- LOL! I know just how you feel!
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Oooh don't get me started on rat, squirrel, armidillo, snake, possum etc stories about my sweet lovely dog Irish. Oh, did I forget lizards? Irish is a one dog lizard annililator--she's worse than a cat with a mouse. She taunts and plays with them. . .ick.
Stanzie, if your brain visits, will you tell it to keep a look out for mine--its floating some where out there in nether, netherland.
In all my surgery hoopla, I let slip by my 2 year cancerversary. Well ok, I just kind let it be a nonevent that day. Also, letting these road map of scars on my torso be my not so gentle reminder. Amazing where you can travel in two years. And I do want to thank all of you ladies for being here. I may not post everyday, but I read and I feel like you are all my BFF's--discovered that in the last 2 weeks that I don't have too many of those floating around. Only one of my friends visited me in the hospital or sent flowers or called or brought dinner. And she did all that--really have found out who my friends are right now. Just feeling a tad lonely right now. But guess this too will pass. Hopefully quicker than these scars fade.
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Just got back from vet and the sore under his chin/throat is some growth/tumor. I honestly won't be able to take it if anything is really wrong with this sweet puppy! Very worried, won't know for about a week.....
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Oh Stanzie, that's not good, but, we did have a cat with one that ended up being a teeth issue. Twas an absess and was costly, but the cat was young, in fact it's the only one we still have! Check under the front seats of your car for the pepper. It could have slid under. I find the most amazing things under there!!! Found a gold necklace once!!
Yep Claire, we are you BFF's for EVER!!!
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Claire- Count me in as one of your BFF's! I have a great circle of friends but we never seem to progress pass the small talk- certainly don't want to hear about BC. Then my 2 "real" BFF's became BC fallout (though truthfully it probably would have happened eventually) so am feeling a bit lonely, too. On another thread I post on someone said she felt we couldn't move forward if we kept posting on BCO and that we should try to stop. All I could think was- But then I wouldn't have any "real" friends at all! I need friends I can talk about things that matter with. That's why I come here. You all are keeping me sane! Sorry you feel lonely. Why, oh why, aren't we all living in the same town? Well, I'm here if you ever need to "talk"! (((hugs)))
So my night was interesting last night. My DH, DS and I went to a restaurant to celebrate my DH's daughter's 25th birthday. I ended up sitting across the table from my DH's ex wife (who I don't really care for) and her new boyfriend who was a friend of my DH's from high school. It was quite bizarre. The a/c went out in the restaurant, the music was too loud (I struggle to hear because of hearing loss, anyway), I'm having hot flashes one after the other and all I could think was- get me the hell out of here! I find since BC it really ticks me off to have to do things I don't want to do and socialize with people I don't want to socialize with. If I didn't love my stepdaughter so much I would have been out of there like a bat out of hell! (And with the a/c out, 115* outside, that's exactly how it felt!)
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Hey Ladies! SOrry havent been posting so busy with work and yet another AC issue on 100 degree day. Thankfully it was an easy fix and only cost $100 to have the guy come out but once again my house was 85 degrees inside while 100+ outside for two days. I was trying to work from home but near impossible in the heat with fans blowing paper work every where..
I was going to work in the office but doggie daycare was too full and I thought I will just work from home..I got Charlie a big fat meaty bone and put fans all around and did the best I could. So today as gorgeous as it is outside I have to finish some work...desperately. Ok so also on a funny note ...I am playing in a golf tournment with friends in two weeks...I havent picked up a club since before BC. I went out back with my lob and pitching wedge and lost 4 balls in 20 minutes..I guess I still got my powerful swing...will head to the range next time to not lose my balls. This tournament is gonna be hysterical.
Stanzie I am sorry about Alfie..hopefully its just an infection. there are so many ticks and bugs out there maybe he got bit by something and it got infected. As far as the rats being poisoned...cat food is an antidote to rat/mouse poison. Its the potassium/vitamin K in cat food that counter acts the poison. My Orkin man told me this as I was worried about Sadie getting a hold of a mouse. I think you should keep the cat inside until the critters outside get under control. I love Orkin and the cost isnt too bad and worth every penny. Your cat sounds like my Sadie...she knocks something over onto the floor..and Charlie gets caught holding the bag. I hope little Alfie is ok...I know the wait is hard. Glad your son is home from Camp!
Claire sorry you feel let down..again by friends...you always have us!! We know you are there even when you aren't posting. I feel the same way. To me when something good or bad happens (and my internet is working) I come here first and tell you ladies.
Kate sounds dreadful...the heat...the ex..ugh you are a good step mom and wife!!!
Ok ladies...I got work to do.. Have a great weekend!!Love you ladies!!
Diane
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I read this on Twitter and thought I would share it with you all...someone sent it to someone who was feeling down and I loved it ...so to all you lovely ladies out there feeling down, lonely, depressed, ugly, sad, or scared, remember this...
You are braver than you believe...stronger than you seem...smarter than you think and twice as beautiful as you'd ever imagine.
Love you all!
Diane
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LOVE it Diane, thanks for sharing!
As for golf, I'm anxious to try my swing now that my large breasts aren't in the way, but haven't picked up a club in probably 8 years! I really need to. We live on a golf course and my DH is the marshall. You'd think we golf all the time...not!!
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Diane, Thanks for sharing the lovely quote.
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Hi ladies - - New to this forum and from reading some of your posts, I think I can relate pretty well to some of the things you all are going through! I just turned 50, have three almost grown sons, one sweet husband and a wonderful labrador.
I'm scheduled for BMX on July 10th and find myself on a little rollercoaster-- riding the gotta-get-everything-ready angst, intense sadness that I'm going to be having this surgery, desire to just find some peace and chill these last couple weeks "before', hurt at the disinterest my "loved ones" are showing (or not showing), humbled by the kindness of friends, and guilt that my husband is doing so much stuff (like painting our bedroom) to get things ready for my "recovery room". Ugh - - this surgery has been looming for waaaay too long, and although I'm terrified, I'm hoping that once it's done, it won't consume my every thought.
Ok - I have a question for some of you with late teen/early 20s sons - - - I just don't know what is the natural way for them to be right now. . . They NEVER mention anything about my surgery coming up, certainly haven't offered to help in any way (not even clean up their own blobs they leave around in den, kitchen, bathroom, etc.). It's almost like the elephant in the room that no one is mentioning. They know their dad and I are doing things in anticipation of the big surgery, but they remain very aloof, and I'm beginning to feel, uncaring. Here's my conundrum. . . I NEVER wanted to raise insensitive young men and thought I wasn't, but they are reminding me of some shallow, unfeeling, cold sorts that I never wanted them to be like - - - - - For their sake, do I say something (which sounds like "poor me - - give me some attention", which I DO NOT want it to sound like) or urge their dad to, as a teaching element? Anyway, it makes me sad. I guess I'm feeling a little let down by my loved ones. . . sister, brother and sons, but not my husband - he's been golden. And I have one awesome friend who has offered to stay here with me when my husband goes back to work.
Sorry about all the whining, but if any of you have suggestions about "what to expect" from boys that age, please let me know. Maybe this is the typical reaction. . . I don't really think they're worrying at all. . . not showing that either, but if any of you have sons that age, maybe you could impart a little wisdom in this direction!
Thanks for the friendly, positive, helpful tone of this thread! I'm going to try those scones!
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annievan- First, just want to say I'm sorry for the surgery you are facing. I know how hard the weeks leading up to it are for all the reasons you described. This is a very emotional disease and surgery. As far as sons, I have a teenager as well and he acted very similar to yours. I think part of it is they're socially immature and really don't know what to say. The other thing is they probably just recently discovered boobs and certainly don't want to think about you having them. Plus they think we're so OLD what's the big deal about losing ours. It's not like we're using them, anyway, since we're certainly too OLD for sex or anything. OK, all kidding aside, I think teens are just really wrapped up in their own little worlds. The insensitivity they may show now usually doesn't correlate to the men they will become. I found as time went by my son became more comfortable talking about what I had been through and started asking questions and showing more sympathy. I think he really thought it would be over and done with quickly and he'd have his old mom back. I think he's been surprised at the length of time, number of surgeries and complications I've had and has shown a lot of empathy, lately, but it took a year or so to get here. I would recommend you share as much with them as you're comfortable with and it doesn't all have to come at once.
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Annie--so sorry that you are traveling this road--and you are about to enter a rough spot but it sounds like your DH is a great support for you. Your DS's are pretty typical for teen boys. Mine were 14 and 18 when I was diagnosed. To them boobs=sex and they have been just too uncomfortable dealing with talking about my BC. "TMI, mom,tmi!!!" They help me out and accept my "issues" but they just don't want to talk about it. Three weeks ago, I had my recon surgery, and that has been way past their understanding or comprehension. Why would mom put herself thru so much more surgery and pain? They just don't get it. My youngest has been a real angel tho--being my nurse maid and just plain being there when i need him. The older,ehh, not so much. I sometimes wonder if the empathy gene skipped him.
What we tend to forget about the boys are they also are afraid they might lose their mom--but no way are they are going to let anyone see they have that kind of emotion. That sense of loss and being afraid to show it or ask questions is typical of teen boy. How to reach them is the trick. Finding someone that they can relate to and talk to is the trick. Perhaps your DH or a grandparent. They may never "be there" for you the way you dream, but I bet they will be there when you need them. they might surprise you.
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annie I think what everyone has said is very true about your boys. My son was 25 when I was diagnosed. When I first told him he quickly teared up but then covered it up. He said he needed to think about it all. Well I found he didn't seem to want to talk about it but everyday for the longest time after my surgeries (I had multiple very quickly due to complications) he would call and ask if I needed anything from the store as he was on his way home. He could not always understand my anger when I would be angry at all the complications and things that happened due to some hospital things. But when his friend's mom got very sick due to blood clots not BC he told me his friend called him and said you are probably my only friend who has had their mom get really sick. My son told me he said "yes you are confronted with their mortality and it is scary". So long way of saying they are scared, confused and probably don't know or understand much about BC. I think it is a good idea to say Do you have any questions about BC or the surgery and recovery I am going to have? They will probably say no but it opens the door for them.
Be gentle with yourself as this is a very layered and complex disease from a physical and emotional standpoint. You will go on a roller coaster of emotions. And they are ALL normal.
Ladies, I was off for a week. My daughter had her second baby a week early so we drove there after work the day she had him (her second boy) and stayed the week to help with our grandson so her husband could spend the night with her in the hospital. We left Friday got home at 4 and had overnight guests arrive at 5pm! Wow what a fun, tiring and exciting week!
Kate Happy Belated birthday. My steri strips come off today but they will have to be pulled off . They NEVER come off on their own like they are suppose to!
Take care everyone and have a great day!
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Hopeful- Congratulations on your new grandson! Glad all is well. Funny, but I just never think of you as a Grandma! I'm so ready to be one! My 2 stepdaughters are 25 and 28. One just broke up with her boyfriend (who we had high hopes for) and the other is engaged but things look rocky. And my DS is only 15 so that better be WAY down the road. So guess it'll be a while before anyone is called me Grammy. Hope all is well with your revision. Thanks for the birthday wishes! 0
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Kate I am a young grandma
I had my daughter when I was 20. Yes revision is ok I think, can't really tell since there are steri strips. Next surgery Aug. 22nd. This is the one I am really nervous about. So glad your weekend went so well!!! My parents use to live in Sun Lakes for many years. I remember seeing Camelback Mountain. 0 -
Annievan- I agree with all everything everyone said. My son was quite worried didn't say anything when I told them. My daughter cried, my son who has down syndrome, held my hand and snuggled close. My other son... he just listened very quietly and then didn't want to leave my room. He didn't say much at all but later that night he asked if I would have chemo. Then later came into my room asking something unimportant then looked me straight in the eye and said " will you really be all right?" . Ugh such a horrible thing to have to tell children!! They called me and talked to me the second morning in the hospital and then came to visit. My ex. had the kids as I wasn't sure what shape I'd be in and didn't want it so in their face if possible. They were very sweet and gentle. They really needed to hear my voice after surgery. Then when they came back to me... no they didn't help or pick up - they were themselves... which was ok -I think I needed to get back to "normal". Every so often my son will ask me when we are alone in my room - how are you, Mom are you still all right? But otherwise nothing is said..... So I think it is normal. Like Hopeful's son, he had a good friend who he confided in and two friend's Mom's and our long time babysitter did check in with the kids to make sure they were handling everything which helped me feel better...
But looking back I can't imagine having to think about my Mom's mortality so young... so I think it is probably good when they can just live their lives as normal as possible - it is still in their thoughts non-stop I think...
Hopeful- how very very lucky your daughter is to have a young mama and a very young gramma for her children! I would have given anything for my Mom to have been younger.... my kids remember my Mom but just barely.... that makes me so sad....
As for friends and family- during this whole process most of us have had out share of people who let us down... I think it just goes with the territory. When I finally talked with my ex- boy-friend- who just behaved astronomically horrendous - his responce was - well I didn't think you were going to die or anything so I guess he didn't feel like he needed to be nice, supportive, helpful..... lovely!I'm afraid it brings out the worst in some people. So glad you have a wonderful husband !!!! That is fabulous! Just lean on him and talk with him and you'll be fine and of course you always have us!!
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annie, you've gotten great advice. I'd just add one thing. They don't know what to do with themselves, so why don't you give them a 'project' that they can work on. Either now, or to have finished by the time you get home. Garden planted, shed/garage cleaned, basement cleaned, etc. Something they can use physical energy, but know they are helping. Guys just don't know what to do.
Sometimes I have to say to my DH, "Please hug me, or put your arms around me" while I'm crying away at the computer. He will just sit there and continue to watch TV as I sob when I find out another sister has passed. I know he cares, he just doesn't think. I'll even tell him he's supposed to tell me I look beautiful when I wear something new!!
Men! Can't live with them, can't live....hang on, let me think about this for a minute....hehehehehehhee
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