TRIPLE POSITIVE GROUP
Comments
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ashla! LOL Yeah, I've "graduated" to other topics, obviously...not nearly so exciting, though!
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I don't know how much I have to add to this conversation as that even though we have a great marriage in every other way, this is an issue for DH and I - attribute it to having small kids (who wound up in the bed more than not), some issues with blood pressure and weight on his side of things and lack of desire and fear of getting pg on my side of things, well, it fell by the wayside quite some time ago. And now with chemo and chemopause and all that, well, it is the very last thing on my mind at the ripe old age of 38 (well, 39 this month).
So it is something that we definitely need to "get back", I just don't even know where to start...and smack dab in the midst of chemo before a BMX is probably not the best time
Speaking of hot guys, watching a movie with Ryan Reynolds as we speak
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Lago...
Not in the past 8 months! Let's do! Then dance won't be so bummed about going shopping!0 -
You guys crack me up!!!
kltb - I understand...at least you won't be surprised by the chemopause issues like me! Honestly, it's all been way off the radar for me until now - I haven't let myself look into it b/c I was overwhelmed with treatment. Didn't even wanna think about it prior to this past week.
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Dance....
Seriously.....don't worry about it. You know the consequences down the line of not going shopping but imho....you can put that issue aside for awhile. You're barely pfc....get yourself healthy again physically and emotionally before you put pressure on yourself about our sex life. You've been through a tremendous physical and mental trauma. Cut yourself some slack.0 -
You guys are hilarious! I'm with dance...hasn't been on my mind until recently. And then my period came back! Arrgghhh! I'm 50 and went almost 14 mo without one. Thought this was over. Hmmm...
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Ok I do have to admit I have shopped alone a bit but since chemo I don't have any desire to shop at all. Lol. And I assume that DH shops in the shower which would explain why he takes a half an hour to get out of there some mornings.
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Dancetrancer I'll be honest and say that the sexual SEs have been one of the worst issues for me. I was 42 at diagnosis with regular periods and they stopped on the second chemo cycle and have not returned (16 months later). The Gyn says it's a complete guess as to whether my periods will eventually return. She called the pain/dryness problem "vaginal atrophy". I've tried Replens, "Scream Cream" and Astroglide and bought a vibrator months ago.
6 months after chemo sex was unbearably painful-felt like razor blades. The Gyn and Onc are allowing me to use Vagifem for a short time and in a lower than normal dose to try to restore the vaginal lining. DH and I persist and it's not as painful as before but I still bleed every time:( Not to mention he worries that he is hurting me....
As Ashla said, don't put pressure on yourself and don't be surprised if sex ends up being frustrating for a while. In those early months when I was still dealing with the emotional garbage left over from chemo I would end up tears because I was so frustrated by the sexual dysfunction and felt like I was letting DH down after already putting him through a year of treatment (and not a lot of sex). I'm just being completely honest because I know there might be others struggling with this. I keep hoping that it will continue to improve over time but it seems to be a long recovery.
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Holy Canoli! The last time I checked this thread, TonLee was posting gorgeous pics of where the kids jump off cliffs!
So we jumped off cliffs and are now talking about jumping in the sack!?! What a hoot!
Lago, you get around, dont you : ). I was at a PS office recently and another reconstruction patient was graciously flashing...then excitedly said "Go ahead, squeeze them"!! HA!! Which I did, and was greatly appreciative since she had gummy implants and I have been really curious. Like someone said...my how things have changed for us!!
I am 45, and in chemopause and hormonals seem to look kaput. I am on tamoxifen. I dont have dryness issues, but I guess hubby and like to shop, lol. I remember coming home from the hospital after my mx, feeling about as unattractive and horrible as I ever have...and he was literally trying to move my drains out of the way and find a "way" we could do it so nothing would hurt. At first, I was about to kill him...., I mean SERIOUSLY?!?!? But then it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face that this man still loved me and wanted me even looking the way I did.
Isnt it with the AI's that the serious dryness starts? I am dreading the switch.
I have my 3 month check tomorrow. Blech!0 -
geewhiz my DH tried to seduce me a few says after I got home from my BMX too. I told him we'd have to wait a bit. I mean I not only had drains but nodes on both sides removed. I was flattered though.
BTW if your worried about your guy men like BJs! If you're worried about your gal… well you should know what they like.0 -
Oh I can so relate to this topic. I remember last Summer my husband invited me to a business dinner. I put on about every dress I had (and I have a lot) I was bald when I tried them on and EVERY single of them my port showed. I felt like the ugliest woman on the planet.
I did NOT want sex at all and I continue to feel that way. I feel sorry for my husband and know he has needs too and this wears on my mind. I just really have no interest now that I am somewhat "better" We have not had sex since my diagnosis
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Ashla - thank you!
I'm not going to pressure myself, you are right. There's been no pressure at all from DH. He's such a great guy! moni - WOW. I would have thought after 14 months you'd be post-menopausal for sure. How the heck do you know how long to keep using birth control??? What a pain in the ass this is!
kltb - cracking up!
dragonfly - thank you for your complete honesty. While I don't know how it is going to be for us (definitely have not been in the mood yet to even try), what you described at the end about feeling bad re: a year of treatment, all the hellish crap, etc., and then to have an issue like this come up - it's like throwing salt in the wound. I surely hope things improve for you.
geewhiz and lago - WOW! Your hubbies sure do have a strong libidos!
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I know in my chemo binder it actually did have a chapter on "sexual issues" under the side effects section. It mentions "being too tired to have sex or decreased interest" as one of the issues (as well as several we've discussed here. It states that "Open communication with your partner is key to mangaging this issue." It also states they will be happy to discuss these issues with you.
If I hadn't mentioned it to my NP I would have never know about Replens and the fact that the pain is temporary for most of us. Those who do get vaginal atrophy (seems like about 50% of postmenopasaul women from what I've read) that can't be resolved with the stuff we've been talking about should see their gyno. Here's a linkie from the Mayo Clinic. Follow the arrows to read. It's several short pages. It does appear that estrogen therapy seems to be suggested but of course not for us BC gals.
But the last page does state
"Regular sexual activity, either with or without a partner, can decrease problems with vaginal atrophy. Sexual activity enhances blood flow to your vagina, which helps keep vaginal tissues healthy."So forgettabout being the master of your domain just don't let your mother catch you.
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With 8 surgeries last year, it seemed every time we could fool around again, I would be back on some kind of restrictions. It definately isn't as comfortable, but is better when we do it more often, I use replens also. And ky intense helps from a mood standpoint.
I flashed for the first time last night in Jeffersonville Ohio, where my NP friend and I stopped to shop and spend the night on the way to Wake Forest. Even let her feel me up. She is impressed. Lol
Checked in our hotel in Winston-Salem, only to Lear that the western film fair is here with aging cowboy western tv and movie stars rolling in tomorrow. It is hysterical.0 -
Aww. back to the 'relationship' conversation again.
We'll get through this. Ok, so I had my 6-month mammo/ultrasound and had the tests and then (as usual) met with the radiologist. He says I am a level 2...I asked what that meant and he says that my risk of breast cancer is the same as anyone else out there....Oh, ha ha! Really, what does that mean. I think that was GOOD news and I do admit that I got to my car and BAWLED. He says I should return to regular screenings but I know my onco will continue with the 6-month checks and the ultrasounds (which he says I don't need). What a ride this is!
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Scottie,
My PS is military. If you are as well, or retired military, I'd be happy to give you his information. He is awesome.
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Good morning girls!!!!!!! Gonna be a hot one here in sunny az. Lets talk about weight. I am 5'9 and before my hysterecomy/ooph i was 182 and stressing. My normal weight is 165 to 170 anything over 170 i stress so i was majorly stressing when from december to may i had gone up to 182. My weight has thankfully been dropped since surgery. I stepped on the scale yesterday and i was 167...... Yeahhhh
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Nora - We are the same size (5'9'') and have the same weight ranges! I was also up to 182 and stressing, started all this around 167-170. I am slowly working my down through the 170's now and making steady progress. Did the ooph give you hot flashes?0
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use it or lose it?, uh oh.....
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I agree....uh oh!!! I may have lost it...just not feeling like it.
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Doesn't mean you'll lose if forever. It just takes work to find it.
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Omaz, I had a couple of bad ones but I remembered the GYN telling me that if I had too many they could put me on effexor which is normally an anti-depressant. He said that they discovered that it doesnt do that great of a job as an anti-depressant but it works great for hot flashes. I went on that about 2 weeks after my hysterectomy/ooph and have had no issues whatsoever.
I was stressing so bad about my weight when it had climbed to 182 and I was blaming it on hormones. I had even asked 2 doctors if that could be the cause. Both were telling me how to properly diet to lose weight and told me they doubted it was hormones. It pissed me off. I KNOW how to eat properly and it wasn't that!!! Well, it was the hormones because the weight just started shedding off me after surgery.
I have to admit though, because I had VATS surgery too at the same time (lung nodule removal) they had to keep track of my weight during my 3 day hospital stay. The first time I stepped on the scale I was 190. I looked at the nurse and said, "Seriously??? why do you want to depress me like this first thing in the morning?" LOL She assured me it was fluids retention and surgery etc. It still didnt do much for the psyche!
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Use it or lose it? I better find me a good vibrator.
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Let's talk about weight - um, do we have to?
My weight has always been an issue. From the time I was a teen and always needed to lose about 5 or 10 lbs to the times of post baby weight as I had kids. But the last few years, due to crappy diet and lack of exercise, it has just been piling on. I need to lose around 40-50 lbs to get to where I should be and even then I would not be skinny. The only plus side of chemo for me has been that I have lost a few pounds (I was told I would even gain on Taxotere) - about 7-8 consistently have stayed off since dx. I am not going to give you numbers - suffice it to say I am short (5' 3") so I don't have room for much extra weight. Nora- let me know your recommendations on the vibrator - lol!
fluff - congrats on your first flash...interesting on the western film fest - maybe you will see someone famous!
Arlene - sounds like good news to me!
lago - from the time I joined here, I have kind of "followed" you as one who always has good advice, etc...and therefore I have decided you should write a book. And it should be called "Men Like BJs and other Sage Advice for Breast Cancer Patients."
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I totally agree kltb04!
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And it should also include a handy dandy journal in which you can record all the places you flash.
Can y'all tell I am bored today? I really need to get a hobby.
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Actually I just told my friend 2 days ago that men love cracks. Boob cracks, butt cracks doesn't matter. She lost it. I know I've posted that before. Men Like BJ's is so Patti Stanger (millionaire matchmaker). So could we change it to "Men like cracks and other Sage Advice for Breast Cancer Patients" I think I would have to review my 10,00 posts before I coud do that. It could take 2 years just to do that
BTW I don't have boob crack. It's more like a valley now but before it was the plains.
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Kltb - hilarious. I would buy lagos book.
On the weight issue, I lost weight after dx because from stress/upset stomach. Lost a little more on AC but back to my usual 145 by the end of taxol in february. That was when I started walking 3 miles a day and doing an hour of vinyasa flow yoga a day. Im down to 135 and in better shape than ever. The catch is that I haven't been working thru this nightmare of a year. I will go back in the fall and worry I wont have time to keep up these great exercise habits. I plan to bring a yoga mat to keep in my office, shut my door & do 30 min at lunchtime. Its definitely helped me with my de-stressing efforts, and the toning and weight loss have been a bonus.
Nora, I pm'd you.0 -
shore....I sent two replies, one last night and one this morning. Check your inbox. If they arent there I will resend
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Shore I worry too but I find I will get up early to do my 45 minutes of strength training. If I can't get to the gym after work I can always do my walk. I do about 3 miles in 40 minutes. And yes I actually go out in the snow. The only time I can't walk outside is when there is ice. When there is snow (not real deep snow) I use Yaktrax® but they are not good on ice. Works on both my boots and gym shoes.
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