March 2011 chemo-lounge
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Whoa Ladies. seems like I have been missing alot. My internet was down for awhile. I switch to Ohio for the rest of my treatments next week with the new onc. I usually do chemo on Mondays but thats his day off soWed it will be. I will be going on Tues. with my sister traveling with me, they are putting us up in a room treatment early Wed, than 4 hour drive home. They are so much nicer and I am pleased with my decision to switch, I really do not know what I would do without any of my family through this. My Mom and I have always been close and talk every day. she is 78 and I do not know what I would ever do without her my bestfriend. My /father died at age 51 when I was 14 so she kinda carried both roles. My DH has all and all been really good to me through all of this yes at times all men would get on our nerves some, but not by intention. Kymn: If my DH was going to a striptease I would more than likely tell him to stay there, ha, I as well have had no sexual desire. Onc, says its to be expected and will in time return. DH probably hopes soon. ha. He has been a real sport to me though. so sorry for you that live with the asses.Next week will be 3 out of 12 taxol and herceptin. Still no surgery date. The ativan has made it so much easier. I have like ya all been a little extra tired this round. I did manage to plant some flowers and go through some summer clothes today. One day at a time I say. My car is in the shop already, timingbelt and waterpump. yipee. So I will be taking my dear Moms truck next week, Wishing you all have a nice sunday AND hope yu will be feeling well. brighter days ahead for us all.
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Hi girls,
This is day 3 of chemo #4 (2 to go!) Was able to get Neulasta at half-dose again, as WBC was in good range. Yesterday was good, went to work all day, got injection at 4:30. Slept pretty good. Went to son's track meet. Oldest daughter and son-in-law came too and we had a nice lunch together between races. By the time we got back, some SE's started to set in, but so far not as bad as previous. Sore in the neck, ribs, shoulder area. Heat helps, am trying NOT to take pain meds if possible. Just very tired.
Husbands...mine has mostly been a dear. He does all the cooking now, although I "help" when I can. I do most of the cleanup. He has not pressured for intimacy, just says "let me know when you want to". Ummm...gonna be awhile. I'm with you Maria, just doesn't feel good and I'm not feeling real attractive, what with the bald head and all. That doesn't bother him at all, bless his heart, but it does me. He does get irritated with me though and can get very patronizing. He wants to plan things, like for next week, or tomorrow, and I keep telling him I don't know what I can do from day to day. Now that I am four treatments in, I am able to predict a little bit more when my better days will be. But he is a planner and he has a hard time with everything being up in the air, especially for summer. I should be done with chemo the first week in June, then start radiation 2-3 weeks later. Radiation will be 6-7 weeks. There goes the summer. Sorry hon, that's my life (and yours right now). I know it's tough for them to watch us go through this, but guess what guys? It's harder for us. We're living it. Our bodies have been cut up, drugged, prodded, poked, smooshed, injected, chemo-ed, radiated. We're all crabby. Duh! We're all depressed (or have been). This should not be a surprise. It's too bad when we start all this that the BS's or onc's or somebody doesn't pull the DH's aside and give them a PowerPoint on Breast Cancer for Dummies/Husbands/Boyfriends 101.
Hope everyone has a great Sunday...it's been a long week for most of us and I know a few of you are up this week in the big chair. Take time to take care of you. Those husbands/BF's/SO's can make a lunch or run a vacuum cleaner or run a load of laundry. Seriously. Even if it isn't how we would do it (Lord knows it wont' be how WE would do it!)
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So I looked in the mirror yesterday, and there are a whole new set of wrinkles in my face that wern't there before. Seriously! how can this happen over night? Makes me want to cry. I have always tried to take care of my skin, wear sunscreen every day, now chemo has made me look 5 years older after just 3 treatments. Wondering how I'll look after 6 makes me want to cry. (okay, I know I've said that twice). And to top it off, my eyebrows and eyelashes which are both normally very thick have big gaping white holes in them. I'm filling in the brows with pencil and the lashes with eyeliner, but I think soon they'll be so thin make-up won't fool anybody. Very tough on a girl who's a little bit on the vain side. (well maybe more that a little bit)
Treatment number 4 will be Tues. and I am dreading it, because the SE of #3 lasted about a week, low grade nausea, body aches that kept me awake at night and fatigue. My horseback riding trip (during which I won't be able to ride) is scheduled for next weekend and I'm wondering if I'll be up to going at all. DH says that if I'm not feeling well enough, we'll stay home, but I really want to try to go for his sake. He has been so good to me, he deserves a holiday with friends.
Good luck to all going to the chair this week. Penny, I think you and I are on the same TAC schedule so let me know how you are feeling. Last time they put the IV in my hand, and it is still swollen and sore with a big red trail running up my arm. Wishing a little I could go back and reconsider the port.
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Hi Jules - sounds like we are going through similar stuff. I have #4 on Friday and am also more nervous SE pretty much the same as you and its getting longer each time, I guess as it accumulates. I went away with family at Easter but spent the first couple of days pretty much resting. Hopefully you can go but just rest most of the time and get up and see your friends occasionally. Is it far to travel to get there?
I had 2 IVs in one hand and then last time they had to put it in the hand of the excision arm. I thnk the rest of them will have to use that as they cant find any on the other arm and the port is useless - gets taken out again on 23rd May without ever having been used. I have not had any red trails up my arm though - sounds horrid.
The skin on my face is not too bad, but I looked at my arms the other day and they looked like my 80 year old mothers.
Still - we are HALF WAY THROUGH. By the end of June this will just be a bad memory and I am sure our skin and hair will come back just fine.
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hi just checking in,3rd day post chemo feel like crap,sick tummy,tired,crabby,sad etc etc you all know. DH didnt go to stripper yeah.ok im too sick to keep typing hugs to all
Kymn
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Hugs Kym - hope you feel better soon
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Kymn: So glad your DH didn;t go to a strip club. I know that must make you feel better. We all feel unattractive enough right now without the men pushin their luck wit us huh? I know I would be beside myself anf probably lock DH out in the cold. ha. I swear it has been since Jan, when we shaved my hair and all I have is little stubbles coming in. Guess since this week will only be 3 out of 12 taxol I have awhile to go. Also noticed my eyebrows thinning. What next I say. lol. I guess I have somehow learned to adjust after this long. I double up on the eyecream at night iput it on again right before I go to sleep and it seems to be helping either that or it just makes me feel better doing it, ha. It has been a ole rainy day here in wva . Just been watching tv with DH today. Waiting for army wives to come on. We love that show. I will be so glad when you all get to taxol. You will see it is so much more doable. I promise. Have a nice Monday my friends.0
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Penny...wow..they used you excision arm? Sounds pretty dangerous. I don't know what they'll do with me. A week after #2, they had a very hard time finding a vein for a blood draw. 2 techs tried and finally the third woman hit a vein.
The place where we are going camping/ horseback riding is just 2 hours away. My horse trailer is outfitted with a complete camper...heat, air conditioning and a full bath with shower and hot water plus tv . I plan to spend most of my time there reading, resting and chilling out.
Kymn, hope you feel better soon. SE seem to get worse with each treatment. I think we all feel your pain.
Iorenar, a few of us are taking our taxetore at the very same time we're getting our AC. I really don't know which of the drugs are causing the worst SE. I do know my oncologist told me that if one of them didn't make all of my hair fall out, the other one would. I don't envy you having to take 12 taxols. Sure seems like a lot.
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Jules-I hope you do go on your trip even if you can't ride. I spent Easter week in Tenn and had a fab tme. if I got tired i just went and took a nap. I did lots of things but sat out some also.I no longer let people try to cajole or push me when I am not feeling right-ME FIRST-for the first time in my life. The 5 hr drive to Tenn had me worried the worst. I like knowing there is a bathroom available at a minutes notice. Not so easy on I-75.
I burnt my bald head Saturday-too nice outside to wear a hat-finally got a warm sunny day in Ohio-praise God. i do agree that I have wrinkles I hadn't noticed before. Maybe because of the no hair thing. I am bugged worse about the weight. I have never eaten a better diet in my life nut I am up by a good 12lbs since starting this. Considering I wanted to lose 20lbs before I was dx-that makes 30lbs. If I can continue to eat this well I know it will pay off some day. Just hate the thought that my summer clothes look like crap.
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Lilylady, I've gained weight too, despite chemo induced nausea. Not a lot yet, just 3 or 4 pounds. People keep saying "you haven't lost any weight, yet." Yes, thanks for noticing. I try to eat healthy, but I have to admit that I give in to strange food cravings I have, eating junk food I wouldn't normally eat.(hot dogs, potato chips, etc) My DH has planted a wonderful garden, so I'll be eating pesticide free veggies and watermelons all summer and fall.
Glad to hear you had a good time in TN. I love living here. The honeysuckle and wild blackberries are blooming now.
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Hi everyone,
Hope you are all enjoying a SE-free day today! I am on the same schedule as many of you "regulars" (just finished 4th AC last Weds, yay me!) and have been just plain exhausted this round, napping every day.
I have to chuckle at the 3-4 lb weight gain...seriously? Consider yourself lucky. I have gained THIRTY POUNDS since dx in mid-February!!! I keep thinking, is there a giant tumour in there somewhere we don't know about? Seriously. Supposedly a lot of it is "water weight" and will drop off after I am done w steroids but getting a little nervous here. I am nearly 6' tall with a large frame, but this is just ridiculous. Anyone else dealing with serious weight gain?\
This isn't really the biggest deal though, it's just, well, everything...Sorry, I can't remember who it was who said everything tasted "toxic"...I can so relate. I am so glad the AC is over, the only way I can describe it is being filled with toxic juice that is practically seeping out of my pores. I Thank goodness it's over; don't think my body could handle another hit of this crap!
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Hey ladies...I have had the opposite problem with the weight. I lost almost 20 lbs since my diagnosis in December. I wanted to lose some weight so that worked well for me. I have been exercising like a fiend and am planning to keep it off. I did gain back a few lbs (4 lbs) because the dang steroids make me so hungry! I will be on my last round of steroids this week though so hopefully that will be under control moving forward. I think the other thing that helps is trying to eat healthier. I am still trying to do the Anti Cancer diet thing and that makes me think twice about what I am eating...except around steroid time which seems like a free for all....I just eat it if it's carbs!!! This time I am planning ahead and I am making a huge pot of veggie soup to fill me up (good comfort food) and hope it wards off the hungry feeling.
As far as the weight and such, get through all of this for now. Don't worry about the weight and trying to lose it now. Once you complete this part you can focus on making changes to your lifestyle more long term. It's a bit overwhelming to try and do all of this at one time. I do, but I am not working like most of you. I am home all day and love cooking so I have been dabbling with new recipes and even started a healthy cooking blog based on Anti Cancer approved foods. That has made it easier to eat healthier for me. It will be much more of a challenge when I return to work in a few weeks (Boo!!).
I am revving up for the finale....my last chemo is Wednesday. I know many of you still have a longer way to go - I can't wait until we can ALL say we are done with chemo.....I so wish we could meet in a cool tiki bar somewhere incredibly tropical to have a "REAL" cocktail and some good girl time.
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Hi All,
Does anyone have any recommendations for this constantly upset stomach of mine? It feels like intense PMS. I have taken tylenol which does help but man does this tummy ever make me bitchy! This morning I sent my 7 year off to school in tears because I yelled at her about not getting dressed. In my own defense I gave her about 30 minutes to tackle the task and kept telling her over and over. However, I was sitting on the toilet with intense constipation feeling as if my head was going to blow off. Finally my daughter walks in exclaiming she had to poo, ( still not dressed ) I told her to use the other washroom. When she finished she had crap smeared all over her bum ( looks as if that anti cancer diet worked for one of us ). Had to toss her in the tub ( meanwhile still trying to poo myself ) give her instructions on the use of the taps and such. By the time this was all over I had had enough. Starting yelling at her for not getting ready and sent her off the the school bus with a wad of tissue to clean up her tears with.
Mother of the year I am not!
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Timerdog: I can relate....I have a 4 year old. I take Senakot S and stool softeners starting the day of chemo and keep doing it for about 4-5 days post chemo. That keeps me regular....otherwise I have horrible constipation. I also drink tons of water. If my stomach feels hearburnish...I take prilosec. I usually take prilosec on the day of chemo and the day after chemo because that's when it hits.
My son left in tears this morning too...screaming "I want Mommy" as daddy was putting him in the car. This was after he had a meltdown laying on the bathroom floor crying........I too did not win any "Mother of the Year" award.......having young kids while going through this throws some curves into it. I have actually just excused myself from the dinner table and went up to my bedroom during dinner before when my son has had a meltdown. I just left my husband to deal with it and simply said "I just don't have it in me right now.....I am no longer hungry" and got up and went upstairs. It is hard....hugs!!!!!
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I can relate to the mothering as well. I was complaining (to my daughter) that my sons never call and see how I'm doing. Not sure what they plan on doing for Mother's day. (One is far away at school, so I know I won't see him, but the other one is only half a mile away.) There is a big age difference between them and my daughter. She is 13. My daughter told my husband last night she wanted to "support" me and come to chemo with me today. This morning I accused her of just trying to get a day off school. No tears, but definitely a sad look. My DH told me I was complaining of no support and then turing it down. I ended up apologizing and she came to chemo with me. It was nice to have her there. (I'm still thinking the getting out of school was a big motivator though. I guess that is just me.)
My last AC!!!! Yes!!!! The onc said the Taxol is going to be much easier. No more Neulasta, Emend, steroids, or other anti nausea drugs. Yes!!!!
This was interesting, I had this rash on my shoulders, chest, and upper back and nose. The onc said it was from the AC. She said it can do that where you've had previous sun exposure. She said it can actually fix thing that might have turned into skin cancer in the future!!!! Yes!!!!!
And she said that she was very pleased on how well the tumors have responded to the AC. Quaddruple YES!!!!!
Best doctor appointment ever. Hope this will help me get through the next couple of days.
Good luck to anyone else in the chair today or this week.
My song: Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Browne
Doctor My Eyes lyrics
Songwriters: Browne, Jackson;
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can?0 -
I hope everyone is doing well tonight. I was so excited to be done my 4 A/C and be 1/2 way done my chemo, when I got hit with a nasty cold and cough yesterday. Feeling very discouraged. On top of that, I have a 5 day work week this week. Trying to push through this as this is the only way I know how: full steam ahead. But I feel like crap which is making me lose focus. Wasn't being bald bad enough? Now I have a big red nose and a hacking cough!! Not fair at all
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Kay, Great song choice. Used to LUV Jackson Brown. So glad you had a good report from the onc and that you get Taxol only. Didn't realize that meant none of the pre-meds or Neulasta! Unfortunately, I take Taxol w/Cytotaxan so I get all that stuff plus the shot (although now just half) for my treatments. But only two left to go.
Timerdog, I agree with mdg. Consider taking an antacid or blocker such as Priolosec, I take Pepsid. It can be taken ahead of time or when you have an episode of "distress". If you are having constipation that can give you the PMS stomach distress as well. I also took Senacot-S but had a rebound effect (cons then diarrhea), so cut back to just one the day of chemo. It can be a real trial/error.
Suebee-I had to help a kindergartner who was sick right at 8:00 this morning (dad sent to school even though she puked at home last night) and I thought, "I should NOT be doing this". Used sanitizer twice, and tried not to have any contact with her except to escort down to office while she held the trash can Sure hope you get to feeling better, especially with long work week. You're right...you've had enough to deal with. Did you call doctor? Need to stay on top of this, even though normally we wouldn't think twice about a cold. Sending healing vibes your way!
I went to school today but still having issues with neuropathy. Hate to scare any of you new Taxol girls, but that can be a side effect. Am taking Neurontin and glutamine now to help, but still have numb toes/feet and my right hand. Luckily I am left-handed. If this continues they may reduce amount of Taxol at next treatment, but that isn't until the 13th. Just not a lot of options and they won't let me take B6 because of the clinical trial. Just focusing on being done in ONE MONTH and being done at school in 3 weeks, 1 day (not that I'm counting).
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Hi ladies. Even considering I have had extreme bone pain in my back and legs and feet I did manage to wash the bed clothes, rugs, and clothes. Got the house dusted and fully cleaned before I go to Ohio tomorrow. Not looking forward to the 3 to 4 hour drive but my sister is going with me, I will be staying in a hotel treatment 8 am on wed, than I will be heading home. Take care everyone.besafe and well.0
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They keep playing that damn commercial for that new crap called Mio which is some flavored stuff you squirt into water. And I swear to god, with its garish red/orange color, it looks just like adriamycin. I can barely look at the tv when it's on. Also will never be able to eat a popsickle again.
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I'm going into the chair this morning for #4 of 6 TAC treatments, then nulasta shot tommorow. Hoping my SE will be minimal this time.
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Huskerkkc-Thanks for the positive words. Apparently, if I have no fever and am not coughing up pretty colours, I should be okay. What I need is a big glass of "Suck it Up!", but DH has been out the last 3 of 4 nights, so I've had a pity party instead! Today is no worse but not better either. I usually only get a cold every 3 or 4 years, so not used to this.
I was told when I switch to Taxol that I will have no nausea but will def have bone pain that might be severe. They are also giving me Benedryl, Pepcid and decadrone in an IV before the Taxol. They seem to think the fatigue will be the same as with the A/C. I will also continue with the Neulasta(thank God, I say now, with my cold)
Tried so carefully to avoid everyone. The kids haven't been allowed to bring their friends over since I started chemo and the poor things still have 2 months to go
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Suebee48--You made me laugh. I also had a cold this last round and I had to knock back a glass or two of the "Suck It Up!" It hit just as I was coming out of the bad days and I was seriously ticked to be knocked down several more days. I wish I had the secret to clearing it up quickly. Steam your sinuses, flush them with a saline solution, get lots of water and rest. Focus on the positive, which is that there is no infection. I swear that the next guy who brings a cold home will get his butt kicked out of the house.
Jules59--Good luck today and to everyone else having cocktails this week. I'm heading to the chair tomorrow and I could feel the tension rising as soon as I started the steroids this morning. I've got these two little people on each of my shoulders talking in my ears. The one says, "Don't let them do this to you! It makes you feel like cr@p." The second one says, "Deal with it! It may be nasty, but it's the best option you have." I want to flick the second guy and send him flying, but he's right.
timer dog/mdg/kay-from-philly--I feel for you ladies with young kids. I can't imagine still being responsible for them when you can barely function. Mine are brawny teenage boys and they sometimes don't get what I'm dealing with. But they can if they try. Little kids aren't able to understand that it's the drugs that are making mom weird and they shouldn't take it personally. Kay, maybe your daughter was envisioning a day off school, but maybe she now has a better idea of what you're going through. I have not yet had either of my guys come with me, but I think it would be an education. I know it has been an eyeopener for my DH. All the kids know is that I suddenly go face-down on the couch and don't get up for a few days.
I'm lucky that both kids are able to take on more responsibility when I'm down. My older son can drive and he is willing to do errands and run his brother around. That alone takes some of the load off my shoulders. They are also both doing all of the dishes which I think is part of the reason my nails are showing zero changes (so far!)
OK, starting the steroids is my sign that I have maybe 4 good days left to get everything done so that I can crash in peace. Have a good day everyone.0 -
Tomorrow is my "chemo finale". I can't believe it. It will be my last of 4 TC treatments. It has gone by fast. Now I just sit and start to ponder if the chemo did what it was suppose to do you know? I feel like right now I am actually "doing something" about the cancer with chemo. Now that the chemo is over...I just sit and wait. I don't know how to feel about that. I guess I am entering a new phase of the BC lifestyle and don't know how to deal with that. Don't get me wrong, I am glad chemo will be over but it's a strange feeling. My BFF is coming tonight and will be with me for my big chemo finale along with my DH. I am so glad she is coming. She came and took care of me for a few days after my BLMX in January (she's a nurse that works for a surg onc that only does BC so I am spoiled with good care). I already ordered my final Pandora ring and will be picking it up on Thursday morning....can't wait. My set of 4 rings (1 for each chemo) will be complete. I guess in the next few days I will just hold my breath and see if I can get through this last round with little/no side effects. I will also wait in the coming weeks to see if my hair still hangs in there...so far so good. In the meantime DH and my son and I planned a weekend trip to Chicago for Memorial Day weekend to celebrate the chemo finale. It will be just the three of us...can't wait to get away with my boys for a few days! We still have our big trip planned to the Outer Banks in early August with a few other families for the big celebration and the unveiling of my new boobs (ha ha!). I think I am the first perso in the lounge to finish my cocktails......it makes me bmmed out that so many of you have so many more treatments to go. I am still planning on hanging around in the lounge to keep up with all of my new dear friends. I am on the sideline cheering LOUD for each and every one of you!!! I can't wait to hear each of you speak of your "chemo finale" in the coming weeks! Hugs!
Kay: It's nice your daughter did come with you..perhaps she just wanted a day off, but how nice to have her there. So glad you have completed AC. What an accomoplishment! Congrats girl!
Suebee48: Congrats to you too being done with AC. That's awesome!!!! You are making progress. I hope your cold goes away...try to rest girl.
Husker: That darn neuropathy! Geez! It just keeps getting you. Have you continued to search the boards for other options to help with it???? I take Vit B complex and have iced and have had no issues. It's so strange how all of this effects everyone different.
Lorenar: Sorry about the bone pain..it's horrible I know. Are you taking anything to help with it? Claritin and aleve did the trick for me. Good luck with your treatment.
Biker: I have not seen that commercial......I am sure it would nauseate me too if I was on A/C!
Jules: I hope you rock in the chair today....just keep telling yourself "one more down"!!!! You are getting there girl!
Pasmith: I am in the chair tomorrow too..will be thinking of you!
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Suebee-glad you are getting all the pre-meds...I get all those plus Amoxi, which is for nausea. However, after 4 treatments, I have NEVER had a bit of nausea, so am hoping the same for you. As for bone pain, I have always attributed that to the neulasta. I do the Claritin/Aleve combo.
Maria, Onc won't let me take B6 because of clinical trial; also told me at beginning of tx that icing would not help, but I guess then I was specifically worried about my nails, which appear so far to be fine. I have been using Sally Hansen Hard as Nails extra strength combo (or something like that!) to help with weakness and chipping. Maybe i will ask again about icing. Today so far seems better except for a pain in my right hand, almost like arthritis, if I knew what that felt like
But am sleeping until 6:00, and then able to get back to sleep until 7:00. YAY for no post-steroids! Maria-YAY for being done tomorrow. But you HAVE to stick around and coach the rest of us-and then we can see ya through surgery this summer. Cheers girls. 0 -
good morning ladies, its now day 6 starting to feel like a human being again,but battling huge depression,cant seem to stop crying dont want to get out of bed dont want to talk to people still have upset tummy, i have thrownup and dry heaved this whole round, last one too, i dont know what they are going to do, they have tried so many meds on me to fight the nausea but nothing is working, I too have put on weight about 10 lbs so far I agree anything carbs seem to go into my mouth hoping it will soak up the poison and make my tummy settle but it doesnt. Its raining here today which fits my mood, my mom is here helping this go around and I dont even want to go out and visit. I feel guilty about not being more involved with the kids right now, am trying but its so hard to concentrate. I am miserable and i want my life back. sigh, sorry all mabye tomorrow i will have some smiles
hugs Kymn
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Hi Kymm - just coming out of the fog myself. On day 8 following my last chemo. I know how you feel. The sun just came out today. I am shaky and weak, but feeling a bit better. Hang in there...I think tomorrow will be brighter. I have always felt about 7-10 days out I feel more normal. But those days are long! Sending hugs right back to you!!!
Annie
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BTW, was the worst mom ever today, too. Yelled at almost everyone this morning...not the norm...until they got on the bus. Wish I could take that all back...
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Timerdog - Was having the same problem. Took Colace for several days and that didn't work but one full dose of Milk of Magnesia did the trick.
After 3rd TCH still have low grade nausea on and off every day as well as heartburn.
My face rash arrived like clockwork on Day 10 but my onc had reduced the steroids at time of infusion and this time the rash is not nearly as bad as in the past. Today (Day 14) it is almost gone. Started antiobiotic for it on Saturday so maybe that helped.
Lilylady and pasmithX2 - Yes, let's hope the Herceptin does it for us. Lilylady - if you find the link to the article you mentioned would love to see it. I hadve my last scheduled TCH next week and then MRI, mammo and us on the 16th and since I had chemo first we will be able to see how the chemo/Herceptin worked. Will let you know.
Maria - Lucky you to have lost the weight. I keep losing in the first week after infusion and then once I start to eat again the weight comes right back. Fortunately I have not gianed even though my onc told me to expect to gain around 10 lbs.
Good luck to all in the chair this week.
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Loungers,
I have been MIA since the day after my tx, Thursday. My folks came in Friday and left this morning, so I was hanging out with them. Side effects this time were do-able. No nausea, bad constipation again (even with the Senekot) then diarrhea, body aches from Neulasta, and so tired. Anyway, no more complaining. The sun came out in TX today after 3 days of cold and rain. My parents left this morning, so I have been weepy and sad and depressed. My mom cooked and cooked for us! Even though it was not the healthiest (grandmother's beef and noodles, chocolate cookies, etc etc), it all tasted wonderful because of the love that went into the preparation. Actually, it tasted like cardboard, but I won't spoil the thought. DH, DD, and I all relaxed and eased into having them here nurturing and loving us. I have to keep moving and looking forward to two weeks from tomorrow when I am doing my last chemo or I will just sit and cry. Which my therapist says is healthy by the way.
As some of you said, I too have no interest in sex. To make matters more interesting, I had my 6 month follow up (for cervical cancer from 2008) yesterday with my gyn/onc. He did a pap smear and said as far as he could tell everything looked fine as far as the cc goes. I have to wait for the test results, however, so some anxiety with that. I can't even imagine having an interest in sex, it's to that point. I know DH misses that and the intimacy generally, but he has made no demands and is a saint of understanding most of the time. Between cc and bc, my body doesn't feel very feminine or sexy to me. I guess I can always try drugs if my sex drive never comes back? I take drugs for everything else, right? Time will tell. I will have a smoking hot body by fall with new, perky boobs and some lipo/fat-grafting and of course, my working out so that won't hurt
Kay - my 15 year old DD went with me to chemo. Actually, DH went and picked her up just before lunch and took her back after lunch (so she wouldn't miss much class at her request, the little nerd). It was something she wanted to do for me. She told my mom that she just wanted to be there for me as I have been so strong and brave through all of this. You may not know what impact it will have on your daughter to have gone with you that day to chemo. I can tell you that she will remember that day for the rest of her life, while another day at school, probably not. We are teaching our kids life lessons here, girls, and we don't even know what they are sometimes. Those of you that have snapped at times, or feel like you should be getting "worst mom" awards, give yourselves a break. They are learning that things aren't perfect and that they need to "suck it up" for mom sometimes and not be selfish, and that's not a bad lesson. The good thing about kids (and mine is actually a stepkid) is that they are very open to love and forgiving, so any of you that feel like you took out your frustrations on them, give them a hug and just say you are sorry and you love them.
Well, I've cried the whole way through this post. And trying to look busy, while being tired, at work. Ugh. I'll write more later. I can't say how much I appreciate having you all to talk to. I'm in a melancholy mood - leave you with "When You Need a Friend" - James Taylor
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Suebee, I've had a cold since Friday and finally called my onc today and requested an antibiotic. No fever or coughing up the colors, as you say, but I could tell this thing was not improving on its own. Already missed two days work and not going in tomorrow, either. So they called in a z-pack for me. I still feel crappy but hope to be on the upswing soon. I didn't want a second weekend to go by and be sick.
Kym, have you spoken with your doctor about your depression? A few days after my 4th treatment, I was so down. I rememered my gynecologist had given me a perscription last year for generic Prozac for PMS symptoms, so I started to take them. It has helped, I answer the phone and the door now. I am going to discuss all this with my onco next week when I go in for the 5th treatment and see if she wants me to stay on it or perscribe something else for depression.
Jules, hope your 4th treatment went smoothly.
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