March 2011 chemo-lounge
Comments
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Hi Colodisneylover,
I start my taxol on June 14th, could you let me know how you're doing on it? Everyone says it's so much easier than a/c but the SEs still sound bad to me. I had my last ac on Tuesday and my tastebuds are still messed up.
Go Suebee!
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suebee: I didn't think to refuse to postpone, but I would be devastated to do so; June 16 is imprinted on my brain! I will remember that if I am feeling under the weather. thank you.
colodisneylover: I met with two radiation oncs last week; one where I have done surgery/chemo and one closer to home. The two differences in their recommendation were the number of treatments and the start date. I will almost certainly be going to the close-to-home doc, and she said 28 treatments starting July 20 (the other said 33 starting July 6); I have to present at a conference on the 19th, so she thought the 20th would be fine. I have briefly visited the rads boards, but I can't find a good answer for why the difference in # of treatments. Do you know if it's true that the overall amount is the same, but fewer treatments mean higher doses? I should post the question there, I suppose. When do your radiation treatments start? How many? I prefer the longer wait after chemo so that I can do some things with my kids while they are off school.
Is it true that some of you have hair coming back??? I vaguely thought I did, too, but I dismissed it as impossible. Are you on taxol?
mdg: Hope you had a great time in Chicago! It was a crummy weekend for weather until Monday when it turned into July! They closed down North Ave. beach because of all the heat-related health problems. It's just like when people all slide off the road during the first snow---everyone has forgotten that sumer is hot and you need to drink water!
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My hair has been growing like crazy but I am still shaving it down. I am TCH. Some of it I have missed with the clippers is over an inch long. It is not a full head of hair-lots around the side and sparse on top. It rubs the wrong way when i sleep-and it's certainly not looking like real hair so figure just to keep it neat and clean.. We could have used my head to clean the grill yesterday because it is like a wire brush.
I am resenting the hell out of having to shave my legs too-they are so pasty white and doughy looking s I probably shouldn't leave the house with them showing anyway. I take my dad swimming several times a week so I make the sacrifice for him-SIGH-he really wouldn't know the difference. My pride in appearance has reached the lowest possible level. My old standard wasn't all that high for like the grocery or hardware store but now I hardly bother for even dept stores. Nike Hat? Check. Ass covered? Check. Boobs reasonably harnessed? Check. Make-up? You got to be kidding me??? Wig-Ha Ha ha-it's 95 degrees out.
Funniest thing is everybody keeps telling me how great I look-compared to what? My poor mom is the most feminine lady and God love her she got 2 daughters who have never really cared. She recently bought me a Coach purse and new sandals-guess she couldn't take my flip flops and beat up straw bag any longer. She never says a word when we go about my appearance out so to please her I am going to dress up for my 3 dr visits next week.
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Lilylady - People tell me I look great all the time, too! I wonder the same thing sometimes. Mostly I just take it at face value and say thanks. I have abandoned my wigs for the most part, also. It's too hot in TX to deal with them. My hair is growing, not sure how much but I shaved it again last week. Hoping to sprout a 5'oclock shadow up there by tomorrow
I am the opposite of you now. I spend more time on my makeup than ever and even when just going to the grocery or what not I try to look cute and girly. I figure my appearance is one thing that I can control, well except for hair, and the time savings due to not fighting with the hair in humidity can be used to apply makeup. I have been seeking new products to help draw in the eyebrows and encourage growth of the lashes, too. And by the way, I have been successfully using self tanner. The gradual one from Jergens is pretty hard to mess up too much and it's working, my legs are browner than they could ever be from the sun and I cover them up wtih SPF 40, at least!Maria - hope your day back to work is going well. It sounds like you had fun in Chicago, I'm glad. Did you have the cookout at your MIL's yet? Tonight is my turn. My MIL is having us over for dinner for DH's birthday which was last week. Can't wait to see what yummy food she'll have that I can't/don't want to eat - insert eye roll
I'm kind of over the work thing. Got in today and had several things flaming out of control, mostly because my boss is extremely delagatory and hands off usually, unless he wants something and then he wants it yesterday! Ugh. I'm going on vacation wtih my mom next week while DH goes fishing with my dad, I can't wait. I'm over everything right now!!!
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Lilylady,
I lost about half the hair on my head and I still have hair on my arms. My onc said I was lucky. Lucky really? How?
Oh guess what? We are getting a Corgi in July. I remembered you said you had one. I wanted a light brown or blonde, but the lady only has the black ones, but that's okay, they are the cutest dogs.
Maria, so glad you had a great time in Chicago.
hugs, min
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well I had my 4th treatment today, so 2 to go. I am soooo sleepy. I hate feeling so down. I did notice this morning that I had hair on my legs! I was excited to see that, but hoping my hair on head starts growing back.
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I have had to shave my legs about once every 2 weeks since I started this. I still have some arm hair too. My head looks like a little old man but I dont dare shave it, I will take any growth I can get.
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Hi Ladies! Great to hear how some of you are moving on after treatment. Glad you enjoyed your trip Maria. Hope your day back at work is going well. Maybe try to think of it as a 3 week visit with some old friends? I can imagine how you feel. CrissyW good luck on your surgery. Sending you positive thoughts. Kristy, HOW WAS THE TRIP? I love that some of you are getting your hair back. I can't wait for that to happen. I am still a perfect Kojak. I am going to try that self tanner you recommend SuperSally. I have fair skin and have never been able to tan. I get darker for me, but it is just a whiter shade of pale to quote a song. I hope Jergens will work for me too.
Well I am home from the hospital. It has been one tiring week. They did figure out what was going on. Hurray! It had nothing to do with any infections or viruses. I am allergic to one of the new chemo drugs. It is most likely the taxol, but there is a small percentage chance that it is the Herceptin. It damaged my lungs. I now have interstitial lung disease, but the doc was really. Given the very strange happening, she figured it out really quickly and all the damage should be able to be reversed. I am on heavy duty steriods, 60 mg of Prednisone. And now that makes my sugar go up so I have to watch that and regulate it with insulin. Oh Joy! I feel much better though. I am going in to see the onc tomorrow and see how she wants to proceed. I think she wants to try me on the Herceptin and replace the taxol with something else. But starting over screws up my surgery date, so she also was talking about talking to the surgeons and moving that up and then finishing chemo after surgery. I really like that option I hope it works out. I'll let you know how it all works out. I think before either resuming chemo or getting surgery, I have to get my lungs back to normal or closer any way. Thanks for all the concern everyone. Good luck to everyone getting treatments this week.
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kay1963- good luck tomorrow. Also want to ask all you girls to pray for my close friend she was dx with brain cancer, stage 2. Thanks!
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migallen, a new puppy! Now that's my idea of therapy.
ksmatthews, praying for your friend. Cancer sucks. Period.
No need to shave my legs or armpits here. No hair growing anywhere. I'm like supersally, I spend a lot of time on my make-up whenI go out, filling in eyebrows and eyelashes, etc. I,too have pretty much dithched the wig. It's just too darned hot. Luckily I have lots of hats and scarves lined up
Wishing all of you a SE free week.
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Hi Everyone,
Suebee, the drug company Victory paid for my Nuepergon shot, the entire cost. In fact, they were very kind and told me "not to worry about a thing and too just take care of myself". I was like, "really? Wow!". When my Onc told me it was 250.00$ a shot and I needed 7 I started to cry. This illness has been hard on the old pocketbook to say the least.
Regarding nightsweats, I rearranged my bedroom last night so my bed was right in front of the AC. LOL. I hope they pass soon it was 40 C in Ontario yesterday, thankfully the Bay is a great way to cool off.
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timer dog--cr@p! I thought the onc was asking me to check my coverage for neulasta because neupogen was covered by OHIP. If I couldn't get the neulasta, the neupogen would be there. I didn't think I was choosing how much **I** would pay. Nice of him to share that tidbit.
How ridiculous. The neupogen/neulasta probably saves the govt $$$$ on additional hospital visits related to infections.
It's hard enough having the stress of a disease without dumping these nitpicking' expenses on us, especially if paired with a reduced income. Now I'm just PO'd.0 -
It is scary how fast the medical expenses roll in, and when you have to miss work that makes it even harder. I was never told about the Neupogan? I have been doing the Nuelasta and it is very exp.
Hope all of you has a great day today. I am not feeling well after chemo yesterday so think I will lay around and take it easy.
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OMG! I'm not going out again until the wind drops. I went out for coffee with a friend and didn't think twice about the wig. But then I had to hang on to my hair to get from the parking lot to the grocery store. When I got back in the car, my hair looked like it'd been done in a blender.
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Migallen-The Taxol, in my opinion is much easier than AC. No headaches, no stomach issues, no gross taste in my mouth, and not as tired. I did experience a lot more bone pain and after the first infusion, the onc prescribed me steroids to take at home for 2-3 days after chemo day to cut down on the pain. The pain just feels like you are bruised all over and hurts. I have had no neuropathy and no nail problems. I did not paint them, put hardener on, or put them in ice. I cannot see any new hair growth but my DH swears that he saw some. I haven't shaved my legs or armpits yet. Also, haven't fully lost my brows or lashes but they are pretty pathetic. I am having some problems with water retention and swelling so they prescribed me Lasix to try to get rid of it. Not sure what it is but it's not fun in the crazy heat and humidity here! I hope it goes smoothly for you and that you have minimal SE's.
MaxineO-It sounds like you got some good info from the radiation oncologist. If I remember correctly, they are having me do 5 weeks, so 25 sessions. I don't understand how they get their exact number of sessions, but I hope it goes quickly. They told me I'd start three weeks after chemo but not during the middle of the week, so I think I am going to start July 11. Hoping to be done at least before the kids go back to school so we can do something fun!
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Migallen - I have two Corgis and love, love, love them! They are great dogs. Mine are half sisters, one is 5 and one is 4. They have different personalities from each other, but some traits in common. You will have so much fun, I want to see pics! Is there anything cuter than a puppy? Much less one with big ears and fuzzy hair and short legs?
I'm like Jules, haven't shaved pits or legs. I did see some weird baby fuzz hair on my legs, but think that might have been there before given how long it is. I can only see it in the sun, so I didn't do anything about it.
I have only had one person say anything to me about BC when I wear my scarf/hat out and about. It was a younger guy, he said he lost his mother to cancer last year and asked me about my treatment. Other than that, no one. No one seems to look weird at me either, or maybe I just don't pay attention. I don't really care, I guess. Not at this point. I can foresee a time in my near future where I am going topless with very little hair. I have a weird thing about looking like a girl when the hair is gone, that's why I spend so much time on makeup I think.
Tip for you that have lost eyelashes - I found a growth stimulator from Tarte cosmetics. You can buy it online from Sephora. Ulta also carries it. It was $65 and from the online reviews it seems to work. It is paraben, etc. free also. I'm giving it a try as my eyelashes have thinned. I'll keep you posted as to how it works.
Hope everyone is having a good Wednesday. Only two more days to the weekend! why are the short weeks longer than regular ones?
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Neulasta costs $5900 a pop at my clinic. My insurance pays 80%, I pay 20% which means I would pay a $1180 a shot.(times 6)) Luckily, there is some sort of financial aid person at my oncologist's office that signed me up for a new program with the drug company that makes it, and with a "card" I only pay a $25 co-pay for each shot. The team at my doctor's office have been great. I wouldn't have known about the program if they hadn't told me.
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There's visual peach fuzz on my head which is a surprise to me--thought I would stay completely bald until after the last chemo (which is this Friday). So, like you, supersally, I see myself going "topless" or "wigless" with very very short hair. Completely bald just makes me look so sickly. But a tiny bit of hair, I might be able to swing that look.
Losing my hair was not overly traumatic to me. However, I must say, there is a certain confidence that I lost along with my hair. It's like I'm more cautious about life in general when I'm wearing the wig. Real hair, yes, I can tell I will regain that certain confidence when mine grows in and I can go without the wig. A definite connection there with the two.
Jules, its refreshing to hear that your onc's office is so helpful on the financial end things. They're helping you save a chunk of cash!
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That is great Jules! It is niced that it is coming from the drug company too. I am sure they are making enough off the 80% that they don't really need the other 20, but still, a very nice program. Glad your onc hooked you up on it. I have to pay $75 for the Neulasta shots. That is for two weeks and I believe is my prescription co-pay. I think i could go into the hospital and could get it for free, but would probably have to pay the $30 office visit co pay. It all adds up. Good to hear about the peach fuzz Mrs. M.
Had Herceptin today. I'm pretty scared. They say the only way I'll know if I'm allergic to Herceptin is if the symptoms of the lung pneumonitis come back. Scarey stuff. I really hope it was the taxol and not the Herceptin. She said she is probably going to switch me to Taxotere either next week or the following week. I think they want to make sure they know Herceptin's not a problem for me before they add anything else on top of it. Also the surgeons are holding some earlier dates for me in case I don't finish any more chemo I won't have to wait all the way out to July 27 for surgery. I do think people really are nice and try to accomodate in any way they can. Just the situation of cancer sucks.
Got a good one for the juke box for me: Hewey Lewis, "I Want a New Drug"
I want a new drug
One that won't make me sick
One that won't make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick
I want a new drug
One that won't hurt my head
One that won't make my mouth too dry
Or make my eyes too red
One that won't make me nervous
Wonderin' what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I want a new drug
One that won't spill
One that don't cost too much
Or come in a pill
I want a new drug
One that won't go away
One that won't keep me up all night
One that won't make me sleep all day
One that won't make me nervous
Wonderin' what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
I'm alone with you baby
I want a new drug
One that does what it should
One that won't make me feel too bad
One that won't make me feel too good
I want a new drug
One with no doubt
One that won't make me talk too much
Or make my face break out
One that won't make me nervous
Wonderin' what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you
All alone with you
All alone with you, yea, yea0 -
Hi ladies...it feels like I have not been in the lounge for a while! I managed to get through my first two days back to work. My boss was cool - didn't make me work full days. The next week or two I will be working from my home office so that will make things easier than being on the road. I can just get up, head to the gym, come home and shower (I don't even have to get fixed up since I am working at home!) and go right into my home office and work. I am still really dealing with the rash issue...it's horrible. I broke down and started taking steroids again tonight...I can't take it anymore! You know I am desperate because we all know how much all of us hate the steroids. The rash has been here since a week after my 3rd chemo and I finished chemo on 5/4. My skin is so inflammed...it hurts and is bright red around my neck, shoulders, chest and under my foobs. It looks like a sunburn. I am taking a xanax and benedryl and going to bed shortly to get some relief. I am so frustrated with my doctors who just don't seem to help or take responsibility to keep treating me until there is a solution. I have had three docs fail me on this (med onc, internist and dermatologist). My DH says "call the doctor". I said "which doctor should I call? None of them give a shit". Can you tell I am frustrated??? OK - I am done with this topic for now.......I may start itching more if I keep talking about it.
I am so glad some of you are seeing hair growth! That's awesome. I too have hair concerns and issues even with using cold caps. My hair is still there but it continues to shed way more than it did before treatment. Believe it or not, but my hair grew at least 1 1/2 inches since starting chemo. I have the ugly roots to prove it! (some of you have gray fuzz..I have some serious gray roots). I have not washed it since last Friday so it is lovely (said sarcastically of course). Until it stops shedding I can only wash once a week....Like you all, I save time on hair since I can't wash/style it. I just wear it back a lot and have resorted to a cute hat a few times. I also am a fan of the thick cloth headbands....it covers more of the roots. When someone hears that I just finished chemo they immediately look up at my hair and just stare with a long silence.........then I have to say "yes, it's my hair" and explain. Some people can't believe it's my hair, but I keep thinking....look at the roots! Good lord - they don't make wigs that "authentic" with 1 1/2 inch gray roots! If they did make wigs like that, I would not be wearing one!
As far as pits and legs...no shaving yet. I keep wondering when I will have to shave again. Brows are hanging on but thin. I have not had to tweeze anything since February! What a nice break. I think after this whole experience of not having to shave and tweeze I may look into laser hair removal for legs and brow area for sure. What a nice break from all the "hair maintenance". What a time saver!
Min: I hope taxol is kinder to you...... So cool about the puppy. YOu have to post a photo of the little pup!!! Boy or girl??? Any name ideas???
Maxine: I did have a good time in Chicago so thanks for asking. I do hope you can keep to your original schedule. We all "live" by the schedule they give us and it is so disappointing when things get delayed or changed.
Lily: LMAO at your check list! My checklist also includes "connect the dots on eyebrows" to not look like a punk rocker! I too make sure my ass is covered and I also have to make sure the foobs are under control and covered. Now that it's warm, I wear tank tops a lot at home and that is not a pretty look for others to see...so I must change before I leave the house. I think you should put that new coach purse to use...perhaps you can put your wig in it since you aren't wearing the wig. I just got an image of you at the grocery store going to pull your wallet out of your purse and seeing you pull the wig out first so you can get to your wallet. Now that would make some people look at you strange....may be worth trying for some fun! he he! I too wonder why people keep telling me I look so good...helllooooo...I have not washed my hair in a week and it has not been colored since Feb and I need to get in touch with my roots..oh and my left brow is like a connect the dot game if you look close.....oh and I am not crying...my eyes are watering from the chemo and making my make up run down my face! I guess if this looks "really good" to people, I must usually look pretty bad.....???
Supersally: I too put on lots of make up most of the time....trying to do what I can. Chicago was super fun....wish we could have stayed longer. No - I have not had the pleasure of the MIL BBQ yet...that is in 10 days (I can't wait...blech!). I did have the pleasure of seeing her at a graduation party 10 days ago - so I get to see her twice in a month! I am already dreading it.....I told DH we can drive separate as I don't plan on being there all day. Is that mean??? I also have to see his brother and SIL that have not even acknowledged my BC since my diagnosis...never called or sent a card or anything. So what exactly could I chat with them about???? I really have nothing to say to them. Nice....I think I should drink something strong at this BBQ....So let me know what your MIL visit was like. I hear you on the food..my MIL is having hot dogs, brats, roasted pig, potato salad, macaroni salad...I can't eat any of it so I will pack my own cooler of appetizer, dinner, dessert. All of that food is so unhealthy...there isn't one thing I can choose from to have. Oh well.....
Ksmathews: That's great that you only have 2 more to go! I am sorry about your friend..prayers are being said.
Kymn: I am picturing you all hunged over like a little old man. I can't wait until that hair grows for you...I bet you will rock a short haircut too! I can tell from your photo you will look good with short hair too. It will happen soon......hang in there and keep shaving your legs (at least the leg hair could have given you more of a break for a while, right??)
Kay: Glad you are out of the hospital. I hope you can stick to your treatment schedule and not delay. I am counting the days until my next surgery and being back off work. It won't be that bad though...working from my home office for at least another week. Now that you mentioned Kojak, I want to give you a lollypop (didn't he always eat lollypops in the show???)
To all of you talking about neulasta: I had no idea how much it cost! I have not seen one bill because we already maxed out our out of pocket for the year on our insurance so we are no longer getting bills. My bilateral mx bill was $24,000! OMG! So glad I have good insurance. I also had a lumpectomy and SNB which was over $10K. I can't imagine what chemo, neulasta and everything else costs. I still have my exchange surgery too...heck the tissue expanders were over $6k (just for the implants!!!). It's crazy. I don't know what I would have done without good insurance. I am truly blessed. I hope all of you have had good coverage and medical bills have been managable. I can't imagine how hard this would be for many people not in my situation with good insurance. The last thing you want to worry about at a time like this is medical bills and money issues.
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Coming out of the SE pit for #5 today - Thank god I only have to do this one more time.
ksmatthews - sending hugs to yor friend, this curse is everywhere isn't it
kay - glad they have sorted out what was wrong, not knowing is horrible at least they can now take the right action.
jules - also no need to shave here - have some eyebrows and eyelashes left, and mostly wear a hat or scarves (and nothing at home) I tried to do the make-up thing to look better but my eyes water all the time so I can't now wear eye make up. You should be through the worst of your current one? I am just starting to feel better after #5.
timerdog - good they are paying for the Nuepergon. I am lucky I get the Neulasta without paying (you get it on TAC but not on some of the others unless you have a huge white cell count problem). I end up paying around 200 each chemo, but thats alot less than I had thought , and the BS charged the scheduled rates for the surgery - you normally have to pay a gap between insurance and their fees. It all adds up over time though doesn't it.
pasmith - Perth is one of the windiest cities in the world - not at all designed for wig wearing so I sympathise. Mind you we get over sensitive - if I went in the wind with my own hair I generally got the blender look anyway!
ksmatthews - just take it easy and rest, I have stopped trying to fight the fatigue and just lie down and listen to music. Hope you feel better soon.
colodisneylover - I am also due to have 25 sessions of rads, probably starting around the same time as my last chemo is 17th June. I have been told its not too tough you just get tired about week three. Glad the Taxol is easier on you than the AC.
migallen - have fun with your puppy - got to be very therapeutic.I have an old golden retriever 14 years old. Yesterday she started breathing strangely and could not get up, mad panic - called my son home to get her to the vets - I was in tears thinking he would take her off and I would not see her again. When he arrived 15 mins later - she leapt up wagging her tail right as rain. The vet reckons she was lying strangely, and her leg got numb so she panicked and hyperventilated - what a drama queen.
supersally - interested to know how the eyelash thing goes. Since I can't wear make up I was thinking maybe get the lashes as thick as possible and then have them tinted.Divine - glad to hear about the hair - I also feel slightly weird when wearing the wig, just not quite right.
Maria - Really hope the rash gets sorted - its so unfair to be left with this after going through all the rest.
Its interesting how your approach to money changes. I now see all the garbage that people spend money on in television adverts and I just think - forget all of that, it is so unimportant, spend it all on proper health education and care.
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Quick check in...I am back from the music trip...trip itself was fine; bus ride there and back not so much. 33 hours on a bus. We left Seattle at 4pm Monday and got back to Nebraska Wed morning at 1:00am (plus 2 hour time change)
So many pages to read...will try to catch up in a day or two. Regarding Neulasta, mine costs almost $8000 per shot and I have will have six total. Blue Cross has paid 100% because I have met deductible and reached major medical. I thought they were around $3000; about had a heart attack when I saw the statement! I can't believe some of you are being charged $16,000-20,000! That's just horrible.
I have blood work and exam Thursday afternoon and last chemo on Friday. Delayed for one week because they allowed me to go on music trip, or I'd be done by now. Am exhausted, but not overly so. I guess labs will tell! Mom and husband going to doctor appointment to hear final info and mom will go to chemo too. No radiation appointment yet, but am told I will have 2-3 weeks off before that starts. I want to get going on that. It is going to take up my whole summer practically, but has to be better than chemo I hope.
Kay, I love the song choice. Am hoping that this last treatment will not be too hard on me. I am out of school, but still have 3.5 days to make up, which I can do by the hour. I went for 4 hours today, and probably 4-5 hours tomorrow, then we'll see what I can tolerate next week. Hopefully
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I have not had any Neulasta/neupagen at all. At chemo last Fri NP said to come for bloodwork this Fri because the counts were so low. This is the first time they have not rebounded to almost pre-tx levels. Anyway, she said if I am not moving in the right direction they will send me for a transfusion. 1 week out from tx is when they drop to the lowest levels-I think. Have forgotten all my earlier research. If I feel fine I am going to see if they will let me blow it off.
So what does a transfusion cost as opposed to a Neulasta shot?
Huskerkc-can;t wait to hear details of the trip. 33hrs on a bus? Schoolbus or tour bus-eithe sounds like tooo long for me.
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Husker: We missed you! Seems like you were gone forever! You must share details...bus ride sound long! You are a trooper girl!
Lily: I hope counts come back up.
Penny: I am so glad you are in the home stretch! Only one more - that's fantastic! Your photo looks wonderful...so nice to see your smiling, beautiful face!!!! I hope this weekend allows you to feel good and enjoy some quality time with family with no SE's.
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I've been having a bad time - Friday was my first Taxotere and since Monday I've had super-sensitive fingernails and toenails, feeling emotional and depressed and super fatigued, thick gross white something on my tongue (don't think it's yeast...), mouth feels funky, throat is sore. Everything tastes gross, I feel gross and sore. I realize I'm feeling sorry for myself. Yesterday I was a blob most of the day. At a certain point my dp says "What is wrong with you?!" Did I mention cancer and chemo?!?!?! I didn't even respond but it made me feel that, since I've been pretty functional most of the time, that that is simply the expectation and nothing less is acceptable. I'm really disgusted and on the brink of crying. I don't feel like talking to anyone but I also know that's not healthy.... On top of everything, I had to focus on work today which sucked (but thank God I got through it...) Just wanted to share with my little bc family (who would never dream of asking "What is wrong with you?!)" with tons of attitude!!. It's hard to interact with people who can't truly relate. Hugs to all.
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Hi Silia, placing a blanket over you ,fluffing your pillow,water with crytal light by your side and putting a funny chick flick on the big screen tv for you. I had the white thing on my tongue last go around it goes away in about 4 days. I cried and cried and cried. I didnt want anyone around me, I didnt want to talk or be nice or be strong quite frankly I wanted everyone to F off and leave me alone in my misery lol. You will be ok, You will come out of this funk, I promise hun, I go through terrible depression everytime, and sickness, and tired where I dont want to move my ass off the couch. You shouldnt work on these days I take about a week off then go back to work. I know its less money but its not fair to me or you. We are going through something so hard and people cant understand but we must give our selves permission to take care of ourselves and do what is best for you.
big hug hun, come back when you pull out of this AND YOU WILL
Kymn
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Silia - Kymn said it! I had one of those days yesterday, not to the same extent as I'm two weeks past my last chemo, but I wanted to tell everyone to F off also! I have had some very minor pain with my finger and toenails. I kept them polished and very short all through chemo, and that really seemed to help. Now my fingers are so dry they are cracking, so I'm obsessed with lotion.
Kymn - glad you are feeling a little stronger.
Maria - that rash sucks! Is it possible that it is hives from the anxiety of going back to work? I don't know, I'd start screaming and soon if it doesn't go away. Call the MO and let your inner CB come out, she did ok for you with the PS, right? Visit wtih the in laws was ok. She had pork tenderloin, and some other stuff that I either didn't like or didn't want to eat. I ate a late lunch and snacked before I went. I have learned how to push food around on my plate (from DD) when I don't like something to make it look like I ate it, and that's what I did. Also, managed to herd DH out of there fairly quickly because I was tired, truly tired. I would say to your DH that you need to drive separately "in case you get tired", that's more diplomatic. Play the BC card, baby! Tell your MIL that you are exhausted from chemo and going back to work and you have to go home for a rest, not to mention the emotional strain of dealing with her and your BIL/SIL, but hey, you can leave that unsaid!
Lily - be glad you haven't had to have the Neulasta! My shot cost $6k, but I paid a $50 co-pay. I don't understand how you can have a $3k or whatever out of pocket maximum and then every time I go to any doc I'm paying $50 or whatever. How does that work exactly?
Husker - can't wait to hear about your trip. That is a long bus ride! Hopefully you were able to rest on the bus. I'm hoping it was a tour bus with a bathroom, that would be my biggest issue. Rest up, get ready to go to the chair this week.
Penny - I know what you mean about the Sr. doggie! I lost my Aussie at age 15, and everything was a panic near the end. She's not eating, she's making a funny breathing noise - oh wait, she's just snoring. They become such a part of your family it is really hard when they get older. Glad to hear you are doing well. My eyes water uncontollably, but I just wipe off the makeup and keep on going. Only one more for you - yeah!
Legs still tired, still fatigued. I stopped at the store after working 5-6 hours yesterday and was just beat by the time I got home. I'm tired of being tired! I slept like a baby though, well maybe the Xanax and Ambien helped;) Busy at work, I'll sign off now.
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silia - a blob is exactly how I would describe myself during the bad days. kymn is right, you should not work on those days. I don't think its unhealthy to cut yourself off when you are not up to talking to people. I see no-one days 4-6 and DH polices the phone so I don't even take calls. You cannot be expected to be normal, just think what they are injecting into us. Allow yourself to be as emotional as you need to be - its just the drugs not you. and if you don't feel like getting off the couch then don't. It WILL pass.
Hugs - Penny0 -
Lilylady, don't know the diffference in cost between Neulasta and a transfusion, but I think they're for different purposes? I think the transfusion would be to get your red cells up (to get you out of being anemic). I think the nuelasta is to keep the white cells up (to keep you from getting infections). Are you still having issues with your insurance paying for things. $^$%*&^(&U*^ insurance cos.!
Silia, definitely take care of yourself and listen to your body. If your body is telling you to rest, then you need to rest. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Maria, so sorry you're still dealing with that rash. Hope someone gives you an answer soon.
Have a good night everyone. Anxiously waiting to hear aobut the trip Kristy.
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The neulasta is shockingly expensive, but I got some evidence of how powerful it is today when I got my cbc. I've gotten it with every infusion except for the last...they said the taxol wasn't as hard on the counts as the AC was and I was actually above average. Two weeks later and I went from a 14 to a 3. Wow, I didn't realize it was working that hard. So back for another shot tomorrow. And washing my hands like crazy (I haven't really been worrying about catching anything till now). So the price is a doozy (thank you Oxford for covering) but it's worth it.
Anyone else gaining weigh on Taxol/Herceptin? I stayed even during the AC, but now I'm gaining 3 pounds every 2 weeks and I'm not really eating enough to justify that. Just what I need. And my onc basically told me it might get worse when I get to tamoxifin. If I have to be bald, I at least need some cheekbones!
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