After Radiation
Comments
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stage1 - I hear you when you say CA is a different world - it really is like being on a different planet. I can say that, I am originally from there. LOL! I am with you, I also wish hubby would not smoke in the house, I would so like to start getting the smell out of here. Right now he is being big time defensive and I have to pick my time to address the issue. Hopefully, he will come around soon.
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gma i have seen some of the other ladies refer to scanxeity, when ever an appointmentcomes up,do you think this is contributing to your stress? but are you seeing the ro tomorrow ? if so maybe they could check the lumps and bumps for you and see if you need further follow up, but here's a hug and hope you find some peace to be able to sleep tonight, because i wa s lucky and my skin stayed intact through rads i just have a 6week follow up but i know seeing any kind of md made me nervous ,doubley so now!
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I'm sorry gma....I hope you at least got a little sleep....If I were you, I would ask your RO what he thinks, and ask if you should make an appointment with your surgeon, and tell them all of your concerns! ...Maybe what you are thinking about what is going on in your other breast, is really nothing different, but unless you find out, this will keep troubling you. Can you get an appointment sooner than next Tuesday? When we have something on our mind, it's just hard to sleep, and we always imagine the worst.... If you can't, than try & not think about what it COULD be.... I'm sure if it was anything "different" your last Mammo or MRI would have shown it? And after you talk to them, if you still don't believe it, ask for more tests...! Just let them know how you feel.....((((hugs))))) Just please don't cry.....
Jo....I know what you mean about your Husband.... Until HE wants to quit, he WON'T! And he'll smoke in the house, because he WANTS too. Can you start coughing and gagging, & making a ruckus? Can you get one of those huge industrial fans & set it up right in front of him & blast his sorry butt outdoors? Or what is that they say? Fight fire WITH fire? Okay, you can start smoking those big Stogies for awhile right in front of him.
Or tell him how "cheap" and "degraded" he looks...Ha, ha! (Just KIDDING!) Throw out all the ash-trays, and make him use tin soup cans.....If all else fails....then you just have to wait until HE decides to take it outdoors.0 -
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Chevy - You are so darn funny - just what I needed to get my day started. After 38 years of marriage you do know when to pick your battles and when to leave it alone. I am at the point right now to just leave it alone for awhile. It really does not bother me that much - I just stay away from the kitchen when he is smoking and then go behind him and spray with the Frebreeze. Makes life easier - I don't want to get into a pissing contest with him and get so stressed out I go back to smoking. Today is one week without a cig. I'll take small victories at this point.
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That's right Jo....Just give it a rest....After I quit, I took everything out of our closets & hung it outdoors....helped a lot.... I remember my MIL gave me food, and even IT smelled like smoke, because they both smoked indoors....Well, we ALL did in those days.
CONGRATULATIONS anyway! Don't start again.... Don't get him mad....
Just don't do nothin'!0 -
I haven't been here in so long but try to keep up with your posts in my inbox. I've just been truckin along and living life. It gets totally whacked at times though. I did have my 3 y.o. grand daughter yesterday though and she is always so much fun. Broke my heart though since I am Triple Negative and it always gets such a bad prognosis in the media/medical field. She came over to me and put her arms across my knees, looked up into my eyes and said. "Grandma, I always want you to be here so I can come and see you and play at hour house with you." My eyes teared up and I said, "Sweetheart, I'm going to try to always be here for you." BC SUCKS!!!!!
jo1955, I'm with you. Other then trying to eat healthier and slowly trying to be more active, I'm not changing a thing. I agree if we do then we let cancer win and I'll be damned if I am going to let this monster take over my life. I've never told you all and some of you will think me totally raving mad in the head but I think my cell phone caused my BC. When I used to keep my grand daughter full time, I'd wear pants/Capri's/shorts with no pockets and at her house the days I was there, I'd stick my cell phone down in my bra, right in the area where my tumor was found. Now isn't that crazy thinking on my part?? Mammos every year and no problem until 2 1/2 years after I started that habit!
It's hot, hot, hot in Illinois. Seems to be this hot a lot of other places. Hubs and I have a 2 day escape planned that involves some being outdoors and I don't do heat so we'll see how well it goes. It is over by the Mississippi River so hoping some cool air off the river will help.
I have to ask you all a question. I've been having a real problem with one of my friends and I was wondering if I can post on here what the issues are and get feed back from you all to see if I am being unfair about her, since I find it harder to relate to others but you ladies who have gone through the same things I have. It will be a long post and I don't want to do it if you all would rather not hear it. If it's OK, I'll try to get back to it today.
Have a cool day ladies.
Hugs,
Juanita
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jo1955...I remember when my FIL had to quit smoking because he had a heart attack and my MIL kept smoking for about another year. Then after seeing him having accomplished it, she quit too. My brother had to quit smoking several years ago because of heart disease and my SIL followed him about 6 months later. Maybe after a while, your husband will follow along too....here's hoping!0
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Juanita - You post whatever you need to - we are here to listen and support you. We do "get it" when it comes to dealing with BC. Cell phones that cause BC? HMMM!! You just never know these days.
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Jwatrlily...a friend of a friend was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago and she was wondering if her cell phone caused hers too because she kept her cell phone in her bra and her cancer was right under where her phone was. It makes sense to me!0
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Juanita we are here for you. Cell phones with BC they say cell phones cause brain cancer why not bc
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Go ahead Juanita....We are always here...sometimes we are the ONLY ones we can talk to!0
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I had a bad day yesterday with my breast nerve pain. I have my regular meds that I take every day, but was having breakthrough pain. I used the compounded cream that the dr gave me and even that did not work. I finally had to break down and take a Lortab last night. It has not been that bad in quiet a while. Today is better no pain.
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Sherry - Are you still taking the amitriptyline? If so, what mgs? Maybe you need to bump it up another 25 mgs. I take 50mgs with no pains at all.
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Have been waiting to post to this group but have been reading the posts for awhile now. I am now officially done with rads. Had my last boost this morning. Hoping the next couple of weeks are good to my skin. I am pink and pinker in some spots, itch sometimes but not bad. Most of the area is just a very dark color, like I have a very dark tan.
Cindy
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Oh, where to begin. Background: I am 60 years old and my friend and I have known each other for 55 years so it isn't a new relationship. There is a lot of history there. We grew up in a small rural community in the 50's and there were only 4 permanent kids in our class in elementary school, then called grade school. Other kids came and went, but the 4 of us (3 girls, 1 boy) were permanent and have always had a bond. Over the years my friend has lived away and been through 3 marriages. She is what we can definitely call man crazy. Some women have multiple husbands for their own reason but in her case, she can't seem to live without a man in her life and one who keeps her up on that pedestal she likes to be on, and spoils her like her parents did.
As children the pattern between us was set. She wanted me to be her friend so her Mom "bought" me with gifts, clothes, toys, treats, you get the picture. If I strayed from our friendship as a child I was quickly reminded of all those "gifts" I was given. Her Mom did this with everyone that my friend wanted as her friend. Me being from a financially strapped family it was heaven to be given so much that my parents would not be able to give me. I was a kid so didn't know the wrongness of this pattern. Her Mom always tried to "one up" her daughter above everyone else and if they caught wind of something I was going to be doing, her daughter did it first. Contests in school, she always won them because her Mom made sure she did. I could go on but hopefully you get the picture.
Over the years she and I have been estranged a few times when I couldn't take it any more. Like when my family was gone from church one Sunday for a family day and she called me that night wanting to know where we had been and when told she responded, "Well, you didn't tell me you were doing that." And one time when we were estranged she whined to her elderly Mom that I didn't speak to her at church. Before I could get home and get Sunday dinner over with for my family, her Mom was calling me and chewing me out for not speaking to her daughter at church and saying how much it hurt her feelings. She was never able to have children and was jealous of my having a son and daughter.
One evening in church when we were both helping serve a wedding reception, my husband and I asked a couple of women who had helped us to go out to eat after we cleaned up the hall and my friend heard this exchange. She cornered my other friend on the back stairs and said (I heard it) "you want to be careful who you are seen out in the public with because people will judge you by being with *them* meaning my husband and myself. She was pissed because at that time we were not getting along because of her controlling nature. I tried every way possible to kindly tell her what I no longer wanted in an unhealthy relationship and she would have to change for it to work out, but she wasn't hearing. She also is a person who listens to no one, is always right and you are always wrong and you are always the one doing things to her. She never is at fault, EVER.
On to when I got BC. She yelled at me when I told her I had BC. Never told me she was sorry or hated to hear that, just yelled my first, maiden and last name over the phone and then said, "what are you going to do about it?". I don't need to tell you ladies how much after a diagnosis your head is spinning and fear has it's icy claws into your whole being so that you don't know what you are doing, then or later. Every time I went to the Dr., if I didn't call her on the way home (and I DIDN'T) when I did get around to calling her she chewed me out for not letting her know things sooner. She's always been bad about not ever calling me about anything, leaves all that up to me but that is part of her always making you work for her friendship and keeping her up on a pedestal.
When I told her I only wanted my husband, kids and 2 sisters at my surgery, she got pissed and said, "you always said we were like sisters." No respecting what I was going through just only bent on giving me problems. So, when I was in chemo and so sick, she was coming down here to visit another friend and emailed me wanting to come see me. I told her I wasn't up to it that I was to sick and she blasted me again and said "I didn't expect you to entertain me (background: when she has stayed here I have to wait on her hand and foot and if we go out to eat before we get to the restaurant she states she has no money that I'll have to buy and she ALWAYS has to be entertained, ALWAYS or she isn't happy). Just all the way through the BC she has at times told me she was praying for me then other times she is chewing me out about one thing or another. I'm exhausted and have started pulling away from her.
She has always been good about talking about me behind my back, saying nasty things when I'm not holding her up on that pedestal and doing for her, keeping her ego stroked and filled up.
Her and the other girl and guy in our grade school class are wanting to have a grilling out get together soon and she put the other girlfriend up to asking me (because she and I are really not getting along right now as I'm trying to cut the ties) and the bad thing is she lives a couple hours away and always expects to stay with me for 3-4 days when she comes down. I CAN'T deal with spending an evening with her let alone 3-4 days and my wonderful husband has forbid it and said he'd tell her if he needed to. He's got my back because he sees what she has put me though not just during BC but all our lives.
I told our other friend that I was not up to a group gathering but I wanted them to go ahead and do their gathering and have fun, that this was my decision and choice.
She just sent me an email wanting to know what was wrong and she actually said to me and I'm typing it as she had it, "Life is short AS YOU WELL KNOW!!" That was all it took for me. I don't need to be reminded by her or anyone like her that life is short. I know that my life may end sooner then I'd like. I sent her an email and told her I had some concerns and issues so would she please give me some time and space to work them through and tried again to explain to her how I felt. She's not emailed since so that may have accomplished some things. She has diabetes which she does not take care of because she admits she eats bad for that illness and she has always tried to put her diabetes over my BC. If chemo was making me sick, oh my God, her diabetes was much worse. Her illness appears to be her lack of taking care of herself. Mine is a possible death sentence. The stress for me has been awful!!!!!
So, have I done the right thing? And or if she doesn't get the kinder/gentler way I'm trying to go about this, what do I do next? My husband wanted me to end this a long time ago and tells me I am to nice about it. He wanted me to chew @$$ on her. LOL. There is much, much more I could share but this has been long enough.
I'm not a bad person. Those I care about, I love deeply and would turn over heaven and earth to work through issues with. I got caught up in childhood madness that I was to young to see the pattern had set in and now as an adult I no longer feel the need for this toxic relationship and want it to end. BC has changed me and I've tried to tell her that. Other non BC friends are still my treasures but I have nothing in common with her anymore. If my life is going to be shortened I don't want it to include people like her who give me nothing but stress, grief and a harder time while I am here.
Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
Juanita
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Hi Juanita, I'm triple negative too, going to celebrate my 42nd birthday and have felt the same way you do many times. I've started to tell myself no one has a guarantee till time stamp on them, so I have just as much a chance as the next person to live 60 more years!
I'm so sorry you have so much added stress from your lifelong friend. Surely you have as many good memories as you have bad. Sounds like she needs you in her life, and whenever you have a moment of being needed by someone else, her personality can't handle that. I have many different friends in my life and some of them are like your friend and I have to take them in small doses. At the point she has you at though, it sounds more stressful than fulfilling as a friendship. You have to do what is right for you and your situation. Perhaps in a few years you can take a dose of her again....sounds like you will always love her, just from afar.
Your granddaughter sounds precious! Tell her next time no matter what you will always be in her heart, cause your love spilled over to hers.
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Juanita - Thanks for sharing your story. I would end the relationship right away. I would not take her calls, answer emails or just in general not associate with her at all. Like the old saying goes - "With friends like her, how needs enemies." Yes, we do get caught up in things when we are young but we also group up at some point and see what we have done. That person is very toxic and you really don't need that in your life. Sounds like your DH is behind you all the way on this. Break the ties right now and move on.
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Jo yes I am taking the Amatryptiline 25mg. I also take 200mg Celebrex 2 times a day. That is actually for my hip but I notice it helps my breast as well. I don't know why yesterday was so bad. It just come out of the blue some times. Today I have been fine.
Juanita-she sounds very toxic and sometimes you need to remove those people from your life. My best friend from childhood is not really toxic but comes from a very disfuntional family and sometimes I have to remove myself from some of it becomes it just becomes too overwhelming for me.
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Juanita: I don't think she is really a friend. I think she's just a bad habit, which we are all guilty of acquiring. I agree with Jo...silence is the best way to let her down easy after your email. Don't get sucked in by guilt. The more you talk to her, the higher the chance is that you will break under her pressure and expectations of you and say things you don't really mean. Believe in yourself and the choices you have made in life. Take care of yourself first.
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Juanita.... I don't even know you, and I like you already..... I'm just glad I don't know your friend! People like that do not deserve your friendship! You have put up with her and her antics for just too long! Girl Friday is right! Don't get sucked in with the guilt! You don't owe her anything, much less your friendship! It's like she is very happy controlling you and your life. She knows you will do what she says and wants. Just say no!
Jo is also right....Break the ties and move on.... You know better yourself...Maybe you just needed us to give you a little push.....
And you are right! We DO change how we feel after breast cancer! I think we become stronger. We don't need "friends" who yell at us, for our decisions! And it is your right to choose people that you want to be around. Thank God for your Husband! Have HIM tell her that you are just not up to her shenanigans..... You are done.
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Juanita - we are here to support eachother.. everyone here has been such a help to me, I need to return the favor
..I don't think you did anything wrong in asking your friend to leave you alone for awhile... I have been in the same position with a few of my friends and just had to let the relationship go...it wasn't good for me and in this time of your life you need people that contribute to your healing not take it away.. Update ladies from last night... my RO was out of town so I had the sub RO for my 2 week check... I asked her about my lumpy bumpies and she checked me out... said she doesn't feel anything abnormal but at my 6 month scan, she put on my record that she is suggesting I have an MRI being the Mammo didn't show it... She went back and read all the reports and said, "Well you don't have dense breasts so the mammo should have shown it"... Say what??? OK question... are dense breasts different than fibrocystic breasts??? I thought they were both hard to see? I will ask my MO too next tuesday to see what he thinks... I also made an appointment, tomorrow to see the counselor/therapist that is available for me, for my depression.. I really feel I should be on the top of the world.. (got my cancer out, clear margins, done with Rads.. only thing left is talking to the MO about AI's
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gma , two different people said to same thing to me ,when i said the rad tiredness had hit and no energy no will to do anything, they said this is the first time you have had no appointments so now you have time to process everything. which makes sense, hope you therapist can help, hugs
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stage 1/granny- thank you for the suggestions...I clipped all my nails down from long to barely there...i go through phases so no need to remove the polish at the moment! keep me posted though if you find something!
panmars- I like having no hair under that arm...I am pretty much the hairless wonder anyhow but now there is zero...i have not noticed the hotter on one side thing but I will pay attention now and see
Sherry- I bought Beaver brand suncream..no parafins or paba...buyin ghair and soap products that are cancer friendly (if you know what I mean) but not tossing the other products out...just usin gthem up and moving on. Not saying i will never get another streak in my hair but I don;t dye it with any permanent ammonia products (only ever do temporary colour overall)...but the streaks..now that blonde stuff is pretty permanent so I guess that is just no true...hmm. have to think about this...just had them in to celebrate in march....crap...now so I will have to re-process that!
I do use a bleach product under the sink and in the bathroom....but all my othe rproducts are 'green'....ARGH!
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gma
I have found that happiness and depression come in waves. I am two months post rads, trucking along fine, and today for some reason I just feel like crying. Can't predict it, just know that you will get through the low times and learn to appreciate the happy times even more.
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GmaFoley: I've hit a low point too. I think there is something in what juliet62 said. We've all been so busy with appointments and responsbilities and now that the daily grunge has faded, we have the opportunity to just think. I think yesterday was a bad day in general. I spent half the day crying and I rarely cry. Of course I started blubbering on a phone call to my sister, and she's hours away, so that made it all worse. I finally just went to bed for an hour after lunch, and felt awful until about 7pm when I had some frozen custard from the local stand. Whether it's the let down from the tx and dx, or our bodies re-adusting to the changes caused by chemo, rads, surgery and Tamoxifen, maybe it's best to just sit back and breathe. I'm trying to do that. I'll let you know when I can make it work!
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hi, any ideas about what brand hair color to use?
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When I was dying my hair I would only use L'Oreal.
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Hi Ladies,
I haven't posted in a fairly long while, but just wanted to report that 6 mos. post-rads and 3 wks. post BSO & TLH, I am feeling pretty good and almost feeling ready to begin my new life. I say "new" because no matter what, nothing will ever be quite the same again. I wouldn't say I feel "normal", as I don't know what that means anymore. But I feel good. I still have residual weird breast pain, probably nerve pain, and I do get some pain under my arm almost every day. But it's random, and not consuming my thoughts or my life any more, as it once did.
I still haven't had a follow-up scan, which should happen in August. My GP is fighting for an MRI since I have fibrocystic and very dense tissue, and the mammogram doesn't show anything.
I just wanted to say that despite the very difficult journey through diagnosis, surgery, waiting for results, fairly severe depression, rads, post-rads pain & fatigue and then a large ovarian cyst and BSO & TLH, time does tend to heal all of those wounds. I have learned so much about myself through this journey and am quite a different person than I was going into it. I believe we all are, and we are stronger for it. I'm not saying that it's good that any of us got this terrible disease, but we are all fighters and survivors and we'll come out on the other side better and stronger for having gone through the battle. In September it'll be a year since diagnosis and I am going to celebrate that anniversary as a one year old. One year old as my "new" self.
For those of you still very close to your diagnosis and treatment, there is light at the end of that dark tunnel. But there is no shame in feeling badly or not coping as you're going through the tunnel. Nobody really thrives in darkness. As my wonderful counsellor at the cancer centre told me when I was despairing in the darkness, "It's not good, it's not bad - - it just is." That was very profound for me. It just is. Accepting that actually helped me move through the tunnel and get closer to the end of it so I could see the light. I think I'm almost out of the tunnel now. YAY!!!!
Blessings to you ladies . . . you're all amazing women. (((HUGS)))
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good morning sistas----one day off and i missed 2 pages....busy spot. huh...to answer a few questions first CHRVY----I too used sweet n low,permed stripped and colored my hair.i had every colr.also drank diet soday.guess im kinda lucky im alive and NED.and NO i dont smoke around the baby.AND im not quitting smoking my 2 cigs.a day.
yay for Gina little late but congrats.
Tori---No i dont smell ya.....the Toms of Maine 24hr protection works.At least no one here told me i stink.ha.stay indors.its gonna be another hot one....
Cell phones and microwaves=bc....cells in the bra.OMG.people look at me like im insane when i tell them that but its fact...same as standing in front of the microwave while its on...another no non...
Sherrry,Juanita,Gmafoley,hugggggggggggs and a big welcome and congrats to Cindy on her completion of the rads......
gonna go home after the weekend....its too hot and this caveman style is not for princess Kantalope for too long....3 dogs,2 cats are really not my cup of tea...besides GD cranky and her husband working outdoors in this heat cranky also....time for peace and quiet...gonna miss the baby but no place like home.....
hope to be back later....the weekend we are expecting company sooo i dont know if ill be back till i get home.....stay cool sistas...drink lots of liquid and stay indoors.....And you CHEVY play nice with my sistas while im gone.....hugggggggs K
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