Not quite a horder - decluttering
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I have boxes for snapshots (not sorted well enough yet) and have decided to get a notebook for big portraits and keep them in archival plastic sleeves. I just don't have room for photos on the wall. That way I can arrange them by child and move them around to keep relative time order. I'm not going to get a scrapbook, just use a 3 ring binder from the office store. DS does want photos. He says they're the only things he wants of ours.
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I have several photo boxes too but most photos that I receive get tossed. Maybe I’m a terrible person but I just don’t want or need 5 pictures of my nephews opening Christmas presents or pictures of Thanksgiving food/dishes.
Meanwhile, DH just sold our first car together. Tiny bit sad to see it go but it needed to be done.
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illimae, I think it’s great you realize many photos are unnecessary. I used to cringe when I’d take my young son to get the occasional picture at a KMart photo studio and I would see young moms paying outrageous prices for a package of photos of their kid or kids. I mean, in six months these little ones were gonna look totally different, and the same thing six months after that. I’d always think to myself, put that money in their college fund!
I didn’t spend too much money on photo studio pictures because I always took lots of my own photos. i’m known as the picture taker on both sides of the family and get pictures many people don’t think of and they’re always appreciative later that I got them. Often the youngest are photographed, and older relatives ignored. I’ve always tried to include everyone. These days, tho, I’m over my being the family photographer and its up to the others if they want to commemorate certain occasions with photos.
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Ill- I get photo Xmas cards every year from some and when the holidays are over, they get recycled. I enjoy hearing from people and seeing they are well, but don't have a need to keep the photos. I need to work on more purging this year of photos, lots of pics from my parents when they cleaned out the house including people I don't know or that were there friends. I have mailed a lot of pics to cousins of their kids in case they want them.
Okay, here is a tough question. One of my first cousins lost her oldest daughter a few years ago. She had a lot of health issues through the years and they found her gone one morning. She was in her 40s and left a grown daughter and a young son from a second marriage. Around that time this happened, I found all these great photos of my cousin and her kids when they were younger. But of course, I did not do anything to send those at the time given the unexpected loss.
My thought is to contact her sister and maybe check in with her before I send anything? I know grief can go forever, and the lost of a child is huge. I don't want to spiral her into something, but thought the photos of her daughter during the happy days growing up could bring comfort and memories of happy time. I am conflicted about doing anything at all though.....
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Jazzy--I ran across a bunch of pictures of a freind's daughter and grandchildren shortly after they had died. I told my friend I had them and asked her what she wanted done with them. she asked me to hold on to them for a bit, and a year or so later she asked for them and I took them to her. I say let your cousin know you have the pics and ask her what she wants to do with them.
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Jazzy, I don’t know if this will help but I have two old friends who each lost a child many years ago. I found several pictures of each child (with his/her family or with my own child(ren) and sent the best of the photos to my friends. Both were very happy to have the pics and one said to me that it was so nice to see her child “in such a happy time”. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to check with your cousin’s sister but I think it is likely that your cousin will treasure those pictures. I think her children will also love seeing those pics of their mom. After I lost my mom, I loved seeing pics of her with me or with my children
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Jazzy, I think checking with the sister is a great idea. DH and I have lost all 6 of our dogs in the last few years and my mom sends me old pics of them often. It breaks my heart for a moment but I’m happy to see them.
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My friend’s daughter was 12 when she lost her best friend of the same age to bone cancer. I had a number of photos of these two along with my son and some other kids who were all the same age. The friend’s daughter, now in her 20s, still commemorates the anniversary of her friend’s passing on FB. Last year I asked her if she wanted the photos and she said sure. So I dropped them off at her mom’s house.
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A friend's family lost their house and everything in it in a massive fire. They had a son who had died by suicide a few years earlier. Their friends sent photos that included the son and the family was very grateful. I think asking the cousin would be a good idea.
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What a photo. Now that's an inspiration. I think you have a very good point about the albums. They were fun to make. I am going to try scanning, then triage into a photo box.
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Thanks everyone. I love your thoughts on how to best share the photos of a lost loved one and that the photos will probably be very welcomed. To me, when to share these is always a timing question. Everybody has their own timelines around grief and with this cousin who lives far away and whom I have not seen in some time, hard to know....
I had a brother who died 27 years ago at the age 40. I have never gotten along particularly well with my former SIL (been remarried for 18 years now), but a couple years ago, I was with my sister on a trip back east and we saw them. My former SIL gave us all these great photos that my brother had with us sisters at various times growing up. My sister and I sat later on and divided them up around who was keeping which ones. It brought back the memories of good times but of course, we had years (if not decades) to go through the loss. His passing was hard for all involved, but that act of sharing and talking about the photos and the back stories brought us all a bit closer on that day.
I am mining the closets again ladies. Thirty items to consignment yesterday. I have a different feeling about my closets in that I do realize how many things I really don't wear. Trying to get the things that look good, fit well and feel great more handy. My style has changed too, I like plan colored clothing that are basic or with a pop of color and a nice colorful scarf. I need to go through my scarves next too!
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Jazziegirl - Congratulations on working on your closet. It is so cathartic!!! I started on mine awhile ago...very difficult to start but getting easier with practice. It is getting easier to let go.
A few months ago, I realized movie stars and royalty wear clothes once and get rid of them...if they can do that, I can do that too!!! I was feeling guilty for getting rid of things I spent money on but had not worn...now I don't feel guilty about it anymore. Just pretending I am royalty or a movie starlet...hahahahaha!!!
Gumdoctor
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Gumdoctor--that's a great observation! Thanks for sharing!
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since losing my mom earlier this year, we have been going through her stuff. She lived in the same home for nearly 50 years so there is a bit to go through.
It’s hard to face that things that were important last year are just today’s trash or recycle. Definitely puts the “it’s just stuff” front and center. Know that I when we finish at her home, I will be getting rid of more stuff at my own home.
Finding the photos to be difficult, as has been discussed here. Have family photos back to the late 1860s. Hoping I can find a cousin who is into genealogy. Else they will end in the trash when I pass.
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Dodgers girl- we had to clean out our parents home when my mom went in to assisted living after a stroke and a broken hip that left her unable to live at home on her own anymore. It was a daunting task and done by my sister and I whom both live across the country and had to do some trips back and then a two week clean out binge at the end.
One thing I can share with you that is perhaps hindsight is that I took a lot of things I felt I had to because they were important to my mother. A special dress she wore to my brother's wedding, other things she really valued. What I can share is that because we were under a time crunch as so often everyone is, I took way more than I think had meaning for me. But she was also still alive then too, so both my sister and I felt we had to. Through a good ten years after, I was regularly going through dishes, clothing and other things I realized had no sentimental value to me. When she passed 8 years later, a lot more went. I gave a few more things away to relatives along the way too. So if you can, try to keep the things that mean something to you and perhaps the memories of family in the few photos you find along the way.
I expect a lot of my photos will end up in the trash some day too so I am trying to send more of them to family through time who may want them.
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Jazzygirl- thank you for sharing your experiences and sorry you had to go through all of it.
I do find myself feeling I have to keep this or that because it meant something to my mom..... but realizing that all that accomplished in the long term is it becomes something my family has to get rid of later. Dad is still in the home but seems ok throwing everything away, no sentimental attachment to stuff (which isn’t all that bad, just makes me sad sometimes)
Mom loved books and there are soooo many of them... many from her childhood. And a ton of cookbooks. I will keep a couple but don’t have the space to keep them all. Wish I could find someone who would appreciate them as much as she did.
One closet at a time. One room at a time. Going to have a couple of large garage sale, donating where it makes sense and recycling what we can.
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Dogdgergirl-Another thing that may help you with donating things like books and the like. Find a place you really love to donate too and like their mission. I found a thrift store here that helps animals and took a lot of the final stuff there with some of the things I had a hard time letting go of. I just had to find the right place to provide it, and sometimes still see some of my mom's things there when I still donate my own stuff and it sort of makes me smile.
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Jazzygirl- found out today that a local animal protective center (no kill shelter) is having a sale in a couple of months. Thinking that will be a great place to donate nice things that we don’t need. Just like you mentioned, I think that will put a smile on my heart.
Thanks for the great tips!!!
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Thanks Jazzy! I need to get busy with Replacements.com to off-load all the bleeping china and silver I have acquired. I knew already that my child does not want any of it, and I rarely use it, myself. Sometimes at a major holiday I will pull stuff out, but some years I'm just too busy and wiped out, that I look for a short-cut here or there and will end up using everyday dishes. LOL about the crystal glasses that don't hold much wine. The article reminded me of some of the wedding gifts I received and probably 70% of those things are long gone - including the wine carafe and set of teeny tiny glasses that I never used.
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I saw a survey of things most brides had on their gift list sorted by state. For WA it's a Lodge cast iron frying pan. It was tops for quite a few states. In TX the most wanted gift was an instant pot. Makes sense to me. It's way too hot to cook most of the year there. That's why they barbeque so much. It's done outside and doesn't heat the house inside.
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Great article Jazzy. The saddest part is many of us "saved" that china & crystal & silver to use for "best". Either holiday dinners of Sunday dinners. Too bad we didn't use it all along.
I did get down one of my Waterford Crystal goblets. Since I really don't care for water, using this goblets seems to help me drink more.
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MinusTwo - you are so right! We cleaned out the kitchen cupboards a while back to prepare for some work to be done. It made me examine all the stuff we had. And the thought occurred to me that I had saved the good dishes for special occasions so they seldom got used. Such a pity to get rid of stuff that wasn't used much.
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For fun, I checked out Replacements.com to see about selling our china to them. I didn't go so far as to see if they would buy ours (depends on the pattern and their inventory) or what they would pay. But I did look at how to ship it back. The packaging will be quite the task with suggestions to double box, wrap in bubble wrap, fill with styrofoam peanuts, use a particular box tape, and ship via USPS or FedEx (not UPS). Or you can drive it to their location, but you have to make an appointment.
Has anyone done this? Was it as cumbersome as it sounds? The packaging and shipping sounds costly so of course I would only do this if the profit made it worthwhile.
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Six bags went to Goodwill this afternoon!! Cake to celebrate!
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YAHOO!!
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Took away a dart board and a box of books today.
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Wren and MexicoHeather - hooray for your progress! I need to get back to it. I had been gathering things and putting them in piles to take, loaded them in the car and dropped off at Good Will. However, a few small things were forgotten so I need to start a new pile.
I have trouble parting with clothes. I need stuff to wear to work and managed to purge my closet of the really old stuff or ill-fitting, but I still have things I don't love AND I have my eye on new stuff at the store that I want. So that remains a struggle. It seems that in the winter I don't have enough winter stuff and in the summer, I want more summer stuff. It doesn't help that my supervisor has an endless wardrobe.
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Hi everyone. I don't know if I am a hoarder (I don't have emotional attachment to my clutter), but I procrastinate about decluttering. Anyway my latest progress is that I've been cleaning my home office and threw a garbage bag of outdated papers.
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GoKale -
I too have had great difficulty with letting go of clothes...not sure why...some of it guilt in having spent money on clothes, then never wearing or wearing it only a few time before getting rid of it.
I started to have a breakthrough a few months back. I had an epiphany...Hollywood starlets and royalty are known to wear things only once...if they can do it, I CAN DO IT TOO!!! Of course they can afford this luxury much more than I can. But once I realized it and gave myself permission to let go, it has been getting easier. I think I have donated about 6 large trash bags of clothes. So far.
I am actually enjoying the process now because I see a tiny bit of space in some of my closets. I am seeing clothes I really still love and am wearing them because I now know where they are.
It is really the process that's important, not how much you get rid of. I find even just touching my things and getting reacquainted with them is therapeutic and positive for me. I realize I HAVE TOO MANY CLOTHES and I AM DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. YAY!!!
Best Wishes to you as you figure out your process.
Gumdoctor
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