Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Wren, exactly!!!!
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RunFree - Thanks! Good to see you over here. I am a stockpile hoarder when it comes to food. I was able to clear out most of my parents stuff when they passed away except a few pieces I use but that food situation and me is outrageous. I live alone and could never get to half that stuff. Stockpiling is my way of handling stress. With two freezers and a old ice box I had a lot. They were all full. I used to keep them stocked in the winter when I could not get out but it has merged into a year round thing and I waste so much money.
I discover with photos I had boxes and boxes so I threw out anything that was just scenery from trips, photos with small people in them you could not see, and people I did not know. Mom and I took about 20 cruises and there were all these pictures of people on the ship etc. Could not remember their names so they all had to go. Then those pictures of some shop or hotel or beach had to go. You know the ones you take just looking around at the beauty while on vacation. I kept a few but that is all. Now I need to get a scanner and copy all my photos for future use if needed. I am now down to about 4 photo albums and a shoebox of photos.
I am considering getting a small storage unit for the next year. I have a lot of plastic bins in my basement and there is going to be a lot of work done down there so I can sell next year. After I go through all those bins what I keep I need to get out of there. It might be worth the cost to get ahead of the game so I do not have to deal with it next year. If I go into an apt when I sell I have to downsize more so minds well start now. I spent half my life in LosAngeles in a tiny two bedroom apt so I know I can get there again.
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Bunkie, it looks as if you have a good plan and a good knowledge of what the issues are! A storage unit sounds like a great way to get ahead of it. It would feel so great to move those bins out to the storage unit as you get done going through them! Then you'd see the amount of stuff in the house just shrinking, shrinking, and you'd feel as if the future is closer to your grasp. That would be a really nice thing you could do for yourself!
I've been thinking about your situation too, 2nd Time. I don't think "lazy" is the right word with hoarding and clutter--not in your case or mine or probably most. For instance, as a college professor, I work very, very hard during the semester, and I still have plenty to do in the summer. I'm not a lazy person, even if there are times when I get really down on myself as if I am. It's more about how I distribute my energies and where I have resistance to facing something, and a fear of not having things I might want or need, and hanging onto the past, and other emotional or work-process issues like that.
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Bunkie, You might want to get or borrow one of those gadgets that tells you how much electricity an appliance is using. You plug it into the wall and the appliance into it and it gives you a number. My friend in Montana lost his freezer to old age and his electric bill went down so much he decided not to get a new one. Maybe you would discover one is enough.
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Wren44 - Now that is a great idea. I never thought of that. My electric bill is high so it may be that. The old fridge is probably the worst with that ice thing in the middle. It is vintage for sure. The biggest freezer has a symbol on it about energy but that is the only one.
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Awesome Teka! Counter space is great.
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Teka - I am thinking of donating all my gadgets and getting a Vitamix. I must have 3 blenders, 3 choppers etc and etc. I want to get down to just one thing that does everything.
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Feels great doesn't it? Congrats on getting it done Teka!
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Great job Teka!
I'm currently at my parents' home cleaning the clutter in prep for their move closer to where I live (they currently live 250 miles away, will be 35 miles hopefully in a month or so). Does that count? If nothing else, it's getting me very motivated to tackle my stuff and my mind set is more like, do you (I) really need this (or that)?
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I agree with Teka, 2nd time--anything that helps clarify the mission is a big step! And since your parents' stuff was on the list of your own burdens, it's a direct hit on your tasks too. Hope it goes smoothly and quickly.
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I agree. This whole thing started for me when my parents got sick and passed away. I had an entire 1,800 sq ft old house full of stuff. You could not even walk around in some rooms. It counts for sure. In 2 years I have downsized all their stuff and half of mine. It counts.
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Thanks ladies! Thought I had about 2 hours while they were out at a dentist appt but something got mixed up and had only about an hour. Dad was supposed to call to warn me to wrap it up as it really upsets mom me getting rid of even a rubber band but was so upset that he made the trip for nothing, he forgot to call me. Good thing I played the "grab and go" game; grabbed stuff from the closets, tossed in the guest room where I'm sleeping, then separate without Mom around. Getting all the winter stuff out helped a bunch (who needs winter clothing in 100 degree weather?). Makes the closet much more manageable and found lots of "lost" items. Taking a break for a bit. I pack the books in the great room when mom makes her frequent leaves to the bathroom. At least Dad is good with things going so I feel I'm making progress. It bothers me that Mom is using old photos as book marks and they're all over the house.
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2nd time - My mom used photos as bookmarks too. Turned out she had 10 or more copies made of all the photos she liked. I'm still finding them everywhere.
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Minus Two, glad someone else understands. Not only is cancer not for sissies, the same can be said for aging.
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2nd time around-kudos to you- cleaning for family members, especially parents, counts EVEN more than doing it for yourself. Tough situation.
You and Bunkie get the cleaning gold stars for the week, for sure. Brave strong women.0 -
Thanks, Sciencegal! Easier this trip than the last couple. Before, mom would freak out when she saw me in their bedroom especially near her closet. Got yelled at a lot about going near her stuff. So, I learned the grab and run technique: every time they ran errands (and I had my dad take her out a lot) or she was in the bathroom (good for a 5-10 sneak attack), I'd grad as much as I could, then went thru when they went to sleep. Wasn't happy one time when my dad called me a mess because the guest room was loaded with stuff at night and sorted, bagged by morning. This time, I can be in the closet going thru mom's stuff and she doesn't seem to care. Have gotten rid of more stuff than boxed by quite a bit. Dad has already made 2 trips for donations (I think Boys & Girls Club), the car is packed again tonight. So many empty shelves and mom's closet has been emptied by 75% (a small amount is the winter clothes I boxed away). Sad to think that this trip may very well be my last one to this house (I never lived here, they moved after retirement and just before I got married).
I feel ready to tackle my house now, it's not nearly as cluttered as this and is somewhat organized compared to this.
Thanks for all the support!
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Gosh after this herculean task you can do anything! I am glad that your mom has grown more accepting. I would imagine they get more mad at the fear of losing their independence than actually being mad at you. It was that way for my grandma when we had to clean up her stuff (she had Alzheimer's but was aware enough to know what we were doing).
Please give yourself a nice break before tackling your own closets, huh? You deserve ice cream, not more cleaning right now!
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Thanks, Sciencegal! Ice cream, yum. Your were reading my minding: about 45 minutes looking for goodies (and ice cream too). Dad's diabetic so only pretzel sticks for me. Am supposed to have surgery Friday (need to see a cardiologist Monday because EKG might have a problem) so I need something to keep me occupied and not thinking about it. I can break the easiest room into smaller chunks, it I don't get it all done before Thursday (I deserve the holiday break), any work would be great.
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Baskin Robbins has some great sugar free ice cream for your dad (and you could get some regular)- probably not open right now though.
GOOD LUCK with the surgery!0 -
I will be diving up to my Dad's house again in a few weeks, so he can sell it and move in with us. I sympathize. We've been working on his house for two years now whenever we are up there (it's a ten hour drive, and we are usually up for some family event, only get a couple of days at his house, and he wants to socialize, not work when we're there) but he never got rid of any of my mother's things, and she's been gone for 14 years now. When we moved the big desk down here, I went through it, and found his birth certificate and army discharge papers in huge pile of papers between long expired coupons that my mother had clipped, so I know to go through every single piece of paper.
Ice cream (with portion control and no sugary mix ins) may be fine for your Dad if he is aware of including it into his eating plan for the day. The fat in it slows the absorbtion of sugar which keeps the blood glucose level from spiking. Because the sugar is released slowly, it makes a good evening snack for diabetics at risk of overnight low sugar levels. Those pretzel sticks may actually be more of an issue since they are a simple carbohydrate which is converted into sugar quickly after being eaten.
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Thanks, Sciencegal and PatMom, they usually keep a tub of ice cream in the freezer. Dad is really about checking his blood every day, knows what he can and can't have and knows the consequences when he messes up (mom was a nurse so she's trained him well). No ice cream at home now because they're moving in a couple weeks so he didn't buy any more (don't know why not, he got some weeks left.)
Thanks for understanding about having to look at every piece of paper and in every wadded up paper. Have found important/valuable things that would have been thrown out. My brother just doesn't get it, while he wants to help by hiring a relocation company specializing in these kinds of moves, sorry to say I don't trust them. I don't know their honesty level when finding valuables (or things which have only sentimental value). Everywhere I look am finding things that shouldn't be there. It's not about my control over all of it, just afraid something will be thrown out that shouldn't be.
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Teka, at least today, Dad looked around and said "Progress!" Maybe he'll be inspired to get working on his stuff (he's been too overwhelmed to tackle it on his own) or maybe this afternoon....
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I hear you on the paper. I have to go before DH, because I can't read his handwriting (neither can he some of the time). He keeps saying everything is in this 4 drawer file cabinet in his study - along with a lot of pointless stuff. So every page will need to be deciphered.
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Oh, this question of important papers lurking among junk triggers a memory for me. I had a great aunt and uncle who were genuine hoarders. Their dining room was floor-to-ceiling newspapers, and they just had a path through it. After they died, people just went in and chucked everything. Afterward one of the grown kids remembered with horror that the couple had been stashing their quite valuable stamp collection among the newspapers to keep it safe from thieves. All gone. Then again, stories like that can slow me down. Sometimes you have to go slowly enough to find what's important, and sometimes you just have to get ruthless and forget the consequences, and I wish I always had the wisdom to know which time is which.
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Wren - my dad had a 4 drawer file cabinet too. When he died I finally got it open and there was a ton of stuff in there. He had 4 accidental insurance policies all paid for and died of natural causes. He also had some bonds that I can not find and I know they are out there. I called the unclaimed office but they need the serial numbers etc. I have no clue.
Speaking of older people I am still finding papers in little places. In moms photo album I found a piece of paper with all the men she ever dated in her life. Too funny. Not a very long list but it took me awhile to figure out what the S meant after a few names.
2nd_time_ar - You are doing a great job. It takes time. Hang in there!! At least dad is willing.
PatMom - at least he is going to sell the house. My dad passed at the same time my mom had instant dementia from a surgery. I am still trying to get that house listed to sell.
RunFree - Good to see you over here. How you coming with your stuff? I know it is a lot. You will get it done.
Sciencegal - Ice creme sounds great. I have some Carmel cashew in the freezer. I gave up dairy BUT.....
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Oh oh... I'm an "older person" and I have one of those little pieces of paper somewhere with the guys I dated. However since this started in a more innocent time in the 50's, my marking was "k" - for kiss. That would have been shocking enough if my Mother had found it. Wonder where my list is? I guess my best hope is since I have only a son, he'll be throwing out things w/o looking.
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The vintage computers have finally been handed off today! My mom is downsizing and I now have a full carload of my late father's books in the car for Friends of the Library, which I'll drop off on the way home from church tomorrow. There's probably another full carload of boxes to go after that one--then on to the cookbooks! There are probably only two or three boxes of those.
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Hi Bunkie! I did so much before my big party a few weeks ago that I've been resting on my success since then. I'm very pleased with that progress, and once again it only happened because I set up a crisis with the party bearing down on me. Hey, whatever works. I want to pick a couple of other big goals for the summer and then declare temporary victory. Top priorities are the basement with the kids' toys, which involves the kids helping (I can hear the wailing now!), and the garage. Stretch goal: utility room in the basement. It would be better if I can get my husband on task with me for the garage and utility room, which means the planets have to align just so.
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I was going to attack the storage area that has blankets and clothing. Then the temps are in the 80's and the storage area is in the attic. I think I'll wait.
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Wren that is a great reason to wait!
We will have 108 degrees here today, I am staying inside for sure. One more pile of clothing to attack.
Hats off to those who are cleaning up their parents stuff. A year after my mom died of cancer I still could not bear to help my dad clean out her clothes closet. I just couldn't.
He had two very sweet neighbor ladies do it and take the bags to their local church charity. He ended up spending more and more time with one of them, also a cancer widow, and now they live together! So I could not feel guilt about that. I am so happy he isnt alone any longer.
Those of you cleaning for the parents move or after they pass are doing an amazing thing. kudos!!!0
