Not quite a horder - decluttering
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I thought you all might get a little laugh out of this real estate piece I read the other day. It said if you are moving don't try to do it in just a few days. It would be come overwhelming.
Instead take three weeks. Bwaa Haa Haa!
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Teka, a hobby! That is brilliant!
It took me and my DH 6 months to clear out my mothers house. I should have thrown out 50 times more than I did. My kids didn't want any of it.
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We went the auction route with my mother's house. The family took a few things they really wanted and the auctioneer did the rest. I think we'd have to move to the moon before DH would agree to get rid of enough stuff. He's in to poetry and I have no problem with him keeping those books, but abysmally outdated textbooks could go. And the stuff that was exciting in 1957 that would be hopelessly old fashioned for today's kids.
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Congratulations on the new house, Georgie! We moved two years ago and I didn't move anything that we didn't either "use or love". Everything else was sold, donated, recycled or trashed. It saved on moving expense and I really enjoy what came along to our new home. Love this thread and helpful advice!
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We moved 2000 miles in 2010. I was just a couple weeks after BC diagnosis and surgery, poor timing! When I look at the things that were moved at a cost of .50 a pound I shudder. How about a mismatched set of old beat up golf clubs that are NEVER used! There is so much that should not have come along but I was just too sick to speak up. I shudder to remember.
Moving is stressful under the best of circumstances. and beyond stressful otherwise.
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Well something I wanted to do during chemotherapy was get rid of some of my clothes. I did gain 15 lbs during chemotherapy. My last chemo is tomorrow and today I took 8 trash bags of clothes to Salvation Army. I even got my big clothes away since I need to loose 50 lbs to get my BMI down to 23 to keep cancer away. This is my motavation now, since I got rid of my fat clothes and my then clothes. I kept 2 rubber made containers of thinner clothes and I will reassess them in 4 months. I feel like some weight has been taken off. Thank you for all your posts.
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I lost 60 pounds after BMX, gained back 20 on Arimidex.... can NOT go back to where I was... I gave all my really fat clothes away. Thank goodness all my pants have elastic waists...
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Well seeing this topic reminded me I have fallen off the cleaning/sorting wagon.... Think I will attempt to clean out my closet.
Teka, I have also gained weight and hope I can lose some with healthy eating and more exercise. It is a process. Frustrating for me too!
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yikes!!! Teka, always so much to do. Found the sewer pipe is collapsing at the house I am hoping to buy. Too much drama so just went through two piles of paper. Nice to get much of it recycled. Appreciate the nudge. Have only 2 deadlines tomorrow LOL so determined to get a lot of decluttering accomplished! Will post progress tomorrow. THANKS!
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Found out that we might move by July 1. So I have started trying to get the papers in my life under control--I shredded 8 bags (trash size bags) of papers and have another 4 bags for recycling so far this week. I have actually enlisted a friend to help with this daunting task--shredding documents I no longer need and filing those that I do need. After I get the papers under control, I will deal with the "clutter" some of which is family heirlooms which I need to sell---they are not suited to thrift shops as they are actually valuable. I am thinking that I will offer some things to cousins if they will come and get them. My friends have known for years that I do not want gifts of "stuff"--only disposable gifts such as food or perfume....Wish me luck because I surely will need it.
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Mandy - You are doing very well. Keep going. I went down in the dungeon...I mean basement yesterday and I still have too much stuff. It is organized in plastic bins but need to go through it all to see what I really need to keep. I also found 16 posters I was saving to hang later on. Huh? When is later on? My current house is a cape cod and has no upstairs wall space that is not cut off from the dormers outside so I hate that. I will keep a few and the rest can go. I also need to shred.
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I cleared off the top of the dining room table today. Yay! For months, all my mail/bills/statements have been just sitting there in various sloppy piles (definitely not tidy stacks). This morning I moved it all somewhere else, not necessarily where it ought to be, just not on the table. Unfortunately, I"ll go to the post office today and replenish my paper supply, so this might be a very shortlived victory, but a victory it remains.
I guess I need to go back to FlyLady's long ingnored step #1--Polish that darned kitchen sink. I swear everything tidy stems from that!
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Oh, my goodness...
My sweet MIL passed away Thursday... she was 93 and ready. We were ready. She'd been in a nursing home for 3 years. Dad remained in the home they shared for almost 70 years. We've all been dreading the chore of cleaning out the house when both are gone. (Packed to the rafters, etc.)
But Dad has expressed a desire to sort through and donate Mom's clothes and personal effects. That blew me over! At least we can start now, and take it slow... and in the process, maybe make it safer for Dad to navigate the crammed rooms without hurting himself.
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Blessings, It might be that your father wanted to get rid of things but felt like it would be giving up on his wife ever coming home. It's harder to go through things than you imagine. Did you read Stones for Ibarra? Wonderful book and based on a true story. I'm still sorting through things pertaining to me that my mother kept. I keep trying to think whether anyone else would ever be interested in this stuff.
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I don't post here often since all my de-cluttering plans were waylaid by recurrent BC and treatment. I'll get back on track once I can find the energy to do something besides sleep. But i do read faithfully.
Blessings: I'm sorry to hear about your Mother even though everyone was ready. My mother had a totally debilitating stroke 12 years before she died. She was a vegetable for 12 years but my Dad kept her at home. He didn't want to get rid of any of her clothes so they were all cleaned and re-hung in her closet. For many of those years he was convinced she'd "come back" to herself. He spent 12 years with her in a hospital bed in their dining room taking care of her & all the machines she was hooked up to. I agree w/Wren - save some her things to wrap yourself in & savor the memories down the road.
Wren - my Mother never moved after 1949 until she died in 2004. She saved everything for all 3 of us kids - including a box with each of our baby teeth, all of our grade school school papers, all of the cards we'd ever sent her, the first clothes I learned to make in 8th grade 'home ec', all my brother's wood shop & junior hi pottery projects, etc. Since my baby brother died in 1994, imagine how hard it was to find his baby teeth after she died. She'd also saved tons of things from her Mother & Father. Oh yes, and my dad had boxes full of records for every tax return he ever filed from the 1930s. He saved paper. Yup - it was a big house & a big job - not to mention the house was in CA and I live in TX.
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I think we can be a blessing to our children by donating or trashing or selling things we can be sure they don't want. My parents lived in their house from 1950 on until 2007. My Dad passed away in 1996 my mom is 2007. My Dad had tried to dispose of some things but my mom went on an insane spending spree after my dad died and spent all of his savings on crap from QVC. She had drawers and drawers of crap jewelry. I mean drawers and drawers, so much, beyond the imagination. She had clothing with tags on from QVC on top of a bed and it reached the ceiling, seriously the freaking ceiling. She ran up her credit cards until there was no limit left and used up the money that was still held by a brokerage to make payments and then spend them up again. She lied to my son that I was handling her money and to me that he was handling her money. She fell and her hip broke, and her shoulder. she never went home again and spent a couple years in a nursing home.
It took me and my DH 6 months to clear out the house. I don't have brothers or sisters. I started getting migraines each time we went over there. It was very upsetting. Also if you have any evidence of any secrets, for God's sake throw it out right now!!!!!! I found disturbing absolute evidence of something and so did a friend of mine. Your kinds don't need that. I guarantee it! For those who had wonderful parents, well that is amazing to me and wonderful for you. I did not. The crap a rejecting parent can leave for their child to deal with is horrific and I wish I had just had a charity come directly in to take what they wanted and trashed the rest rather than personally going through it. While in the nursing home she even told me there was money hidden and all the places I needed to look for it. There was a bag of quarters, period.
Yes, I am still bitter, I have prayed forgiveness and did so with her before she died but it lingers on and erupts into full blown pain from time to time. I look around my house and I see nothing from her house except for one cabinet that a lady who took care of me and loved when I was little gave to me. Again, please oh please discard your secrets. I actualy had my DH go up to her room to throw away anything that would make me crazy and to never tell me about it. He did, he did however show me the loaded 38 gun in her night stand, inches from her bedside. We gave it to the police to destroy. She was 85 years old at that time. You can see this was traumatic for me and I encourage you not to do as I did by going through piece by piece unless that will help you to mourn.
I hope this is enlightening in some way.
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Morning ladies, I hope you dont mind me jumping in. I thought I was the only one who had to clean out their parents house filled with stuff. It has been 4 years since they both passed on within 3 months of each other. I have 5 other siblings and no one could agree on what to do with their stuff. The youngest has to look and handle every single item. 4 years and the house is still filled with junk that my father picked up from other peoples trash. Very overwhelming. It has caused friction between family and money problems. I'm trying to declutter my own home too. Too much paper clutter is my issue.
Gingerbrew, I can relate to your story.
Blessings, Sorry for your loss.
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Teka, thanks.
Huge financial drain. Not only with up keep of house, but also cost of clean up. 4 big dumpsters with more needed. I feel like I can't remember the good times because I'm ticked at them for leaving a huge mess to clean up after them. Also besides the money issue, the rift it has caused between siblings is a bigger loss. I had enough to deal with this past year without additional stress. I hope to be done with the house this year.
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Mom and Dad died about 6 mos apart. Heirs were my uncle, me, and his 3 children. We discussed what we wanted or what had been promised, took a few things that were special to us and got an auctioneer to take care of the rest. Mom had a loaded gun under her mattress as did my uncle's wife. Both were only for intruders. We don't have a gun. I'm not furnishing a weapon, they'll have to bring their own.
I agree about the secrets. I had diaries, which I wrote in only while depressed. I spent almost 2 weeks shredding them without reading. I don't know about DH, but no one can read his handwriting (including him), so the secrets are safe.
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Blessings, sorry to learn about your loss. Sending you hugs and prayers.
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blessings, smilemaker, minus2,
So agonizing to read about cleaning out a parents' house. Must be so difficult with memories not to mention sibling conflicts. So sad.
Mom is still alive and thankfully is slowly getting rid of her belongings. She has done so much already.
I dread the thought of anyone having to go through my things. I like having my journals but don't want anyone to read them! Ever. I think I could ask a friend or my niece to destroy them when I die.
Had a big day working on getting rid of stuff. I sorted papers and brought 5 bags of paper to recycling, threw out 2 bags of clothes and have a pile to take to Goodwill. Problem is I am so sore sorting moving boxes. Not sure what I did. I figure I need to get rid of 1/2 of my things. I am resting today in hopes my neck will feel better tomorrow.
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Blessings - Sorry for your loss. I have been there and it is so hard.
Speaking of that when I moved here from Cali in 04 my parents were both well and the house was full of 54 years worth of junk. Little chairs, buffets, tables, shoes, clothes, gadgets all over. The basement was packed full and nothing could be touched. Old lamps that were torn were still considered my moms good lamps etc. Dad had a dining set that was his first and he got it when I was 8. Could not touch it. Within two years of my coming home they both got sick. Dad with cancer and mom with strokes that took her mind. I was a caretaker for 2 years for them both and then dad passed and mom went to a facility because of her mind. Finally I could clean out the basement. OMG I had to hire people to help. Junk junk junk. Stuff I thought was antique had chips and was in bad shape. I donated most to family friends and neighbors that wanted stuff. Goodwill got the rest. Then I pulled all my suff out of storage. That was my mistake. I should have kept going with all my stuff too.Now I am faced with the task again. Very organized in plastic tubs etc but still too much. Being disabled I fear something happening to me and a distant cousin coming in to clean out. I am an only child, have no kids and am not married. How did I get so many pieces of art? 6 sets of towels and sheets????? Plus last year it was all stacked within reach so I could get to it but the basement flood changed all that. Men down there tossing stuff out of the way to get to the water....I can not move anything alone. So when my boyfriend gets here in May that will be my first job.
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Bunkie, I am an only child too and understand your journey. Currently I am down with a back injury from an car accident in September, I can't walk more that 30 steps or stand more than a moment or two or the burning pain starts in my back. I can't bear to walk the pain really pulls me down toward the floor. I no longer can stand up straight just since the accident. I see a surgeon on thursday and hope he can give me my life back. I worry about all the things in this house and what would I do if we have to move. I read this topic and write occasionally because it hits so close to home. I don't want to put my DD and possibly my sons through what I went through.
Everyone dealing with parents leavings I really recommend you have a friend or husband go through the bed room drawers and cabinets to remove anything you would not want to see and to never ever tell you what it was. My moms secrets were in hidden letters, I don't know the rest because dear husband dumped the rest. My friend saw serious things no one should see of their parents and it scarred her painfully. Having a forward team, not your kids, can make a difference that I recommend. ( I am not thinking of sexual aids, although it would be nice not to deal with that category of things.)
Think of me on Thursday when I see the Dr. I want to go to Target, and the Zoo, and the grocery store. I really want to walk around and go somewhere besides the DR in a wheelchair.
Love you all
Ginger
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Ginger, This is great advice. Thank you!
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and they grow on all clean horizontal surfaces while you sleep!
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Good luck Thursday. Hope you get good news.
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Ginger - I feel your pain. My auto immune disease has had me house bound for several years since mom passed away. The only thing that has saved me is the people I hire to get things done. The price has been high but I managed to do some things. I can only get to the store and the Dr usually. My back is not the issue but vertigo and my weak body....especially legs. Rads was really hard for me but I made it. I wish you luck with the dr and hope he can help you get at least some of your life back. Sometimes I had to sit in a chair and do 1 box at a time but I did it.
I did find some things after mom died but nothing too bad. I hear you though.
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Teka - mine too. All this heat being on all winter has really given me headaches. I know it is from the dust. I have a hepa filter on my furnace and a hepa in my bedroom but still I get this way with forced air heat.
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