Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Here is a holiday card to all of you this holiday season. This photo was taken in northern New Mexico last year in December. Blessings to all my friends here for a peaceful holiday season and blessings for the New Year!
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Jazzy: love your tree! Especially that penguin ornament! And the card is just beautiful!!
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Jazzy, beautiful photo!
Yes, experiences are excellent gifts. I'm giving my daughter in law, who has everything she needs and more, a gift card for a pedicure. My husband was like "what's that, for the toes?" He doesn't understand how luxurious a pedicure is, and perfect for a working mother with two small children. He's the type that wants "stuff". And she doesn't need any, plus I had to research online a nice place for where she lives, three hours away. I think she'll like it.
For my son, who lives with girlfriend an hour away in Pittsburgh, I got numerous gift cards to local restaurants in their areas and one for the cinema two blocks from them. I'll get a few other "things" but I like that it's not going to be a lot of stuff to clutter up his apartment.
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Excellent idea, MrsM. I saw a blog by Becoming Minimalist on this subject,, giving experiences instead of actual items. I love it. For me, a gift card to the movies would be perfect. **relatives,, are you listening?***
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Jazzy, I love your five tips for the holidays. Great advice there.
Since my kids are adults, I have suggested (and they have accepted) that we make a donation of the amount that we would usually spend on holiday gifts to a charity. We have everything anyone could possibly want and we can share our bounty. While it is not going to be a million dollar donation, it will end up being about a thousand dollars, and we might be able to make a difference to someone that way. As well, I have an elderly woman (she is 84) who I take care of for Christmas and the rest of the year---every month I manage to find an excuse to send her something and as she is on a very modest budget (I was shocked to realize how little she received from social security), whatever I send does make a positive difference in her life. I enjoy giving to others much more than I enjoy receiving.....so that is my plan for holiday gifts. But I also have given myself one gift -I have someone coming to spend 4 hours working with me on December 18 and again on December 21 de-cluttering and organizing---I will let you know how that goes.
May whichever of the holidays you celebrate be a wondrous time for you and yours.
Hugs!
xo Mandy1313
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Mandy- I love your idea of doing donations for the holidays instead of exchanging gifts. I come from such a ridiculously materialistic family that it makes it hard to do, but think next year I am going to do it for at least "part" of a gift. Ease them in to the idea?
Helping others is what this time of the year should be about, regardless of religious beliefs. I am donating a bunch of stuff every direction to charities in town and otherwise.
You will never feel sorry for being kind to others.
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Mandy, I'll be interested to hear how the organizer helps you,out and what you think of the experience. Great gift to yourself!
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I always get into the holiday spirit of giving. I have a friend who has a small "Santa" charity---all of the work is done by volunteers to 100% of what is donated goes to buying toys and other items for the families in need that he is able to support. What a wonderful way to spend the holidays---giving to others. Needless to say, I have already given generously to his charity (it is a regular tax exempt organization) and will continue to do so.
My friend has a post on her face book that from November 1 to January 15, there are approximately 29 holidays celebrated by 7 of the world's major religions. Whichever ones you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
Hugzz
Mandy1313
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One summer school in college I roomed with a friend. Her previous roommate came and told me she was messy. My previous roommate said the same to my friend. We discussed it mid term (before we didn't know we'd each been warned) and decided to let "the chair" decide. The layers were her clothes, my clothes, her clothes, my clothes and so on. Neither of us was the least bothered about it.
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We had that chair in college too,
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Jazzy - my Mother was determined that there would be LOTS of things under the tree. Since they were raised during the depression, I guess I sort of understand. But Mom took things apart & wrapped separately to make more gifts. Like each sock of the pair was wrapped separately. If there was a 3 bowl set, each was wrapped separately. And mind you, we never lived in the same state so she mailed all this stuff!!!
Wren - when we were teenagers, my Mom let my brother & I pick what beds we wanted in our rooms. My brother picked a double for the room. I picked twins so I could have friends over. Except my entire extra bed was always covered with stuff - clothes, books, homework, purse, makeup, etc. I remember lots of nagging but don't remember ever keeping it cleaned off.
In the last 4 days I've filled 5 paper grocery sacks with paper trash. And put another bunch through the shredder. Hooray.
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Minustwo- I love that story about your mom wrapping gifts individually to make you feel more abundance. What a lovely gesture. My parents too grew up in the depression. My father's family was very poor so he valued everything. He used to always say to us "nothing is a bargain unless you need it." back in the day when only needs were met. I remember saying to him as a teenager "but dad, I don't need it, I just want it!"
Instead of "that chair", I have "that couch." LOL.
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"That room." Yikes.
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It used to be "that elliptical machine" until I sold it!
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lol. Both dh and I have our own "chair". Mine is a rocker next to my bed. I do find time to clean it off every week or so, tho on occasion, it will have scads of clothes to be ironed hanging on the back. Dh has a very tiny room across the hall where he keeps his clothes, and the chair in the corner rarely gets cleaned off unless I do it, about twice a year.
I'm going to copy and paste an article from "Becoming Minmalist" I got in my email today. It's a timely piece about dealing with "stuff" and I found it insightful. Maybe you will, too. A while ago, my son mentioned being a "rational" minimalist, and I'd say that's what I gravitate towards, not sparse, not crammed with everything but edited down to what speaks to my senses.
Becoming Minimalist
3 Steps to a More Peaceful Home in the New Year
Note: This is a guest post from Melissa of Melissa Camara Wilkins.
While watching our kids play, a friend and I noticed how very quickly the little ones took out every toy they could reach. I think the room went from "clean and clear" to "buried up to our ankles in legos, doll clothes, blocks, and trains" in about forty-five seconds.
"And pretty soon there will be even more stuff," she said. "Just think what this room will look like after the holidays!"
I kind of don't want to.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Kids will always be kids, and toys will always need tidying up—but not every toy needs space on our shelves. We could probably do some editing, and this is a great time to do it.
As the year comes to an end, we all tend to look back at what worked and what didn't, and on how we grew and changed over the year. We think about where we've been, where we're going, who we are, and who we want to be.
While we're doing that, why not reimagine what our homes can be, too? I want my home to be welcoming. I want it to be a place where my family feels comfortable, a place where it's easy for us to enjoy time together, and a place that helps us each do our own work.
What do you want your home to be? Make plans now to start the new year in a space that feels more peaceful and more purposeful.
1. Reflect on the past year.
As you're thinking over the year that's coming to a close, think about how your stuff has served you—or not. Think about whether you own things that have fallen out of use.
Are there things in your house that never got used this last year? Do you have a stockpile of stuff for old hobbies? Are there books on the shelves that haven't been cracked open even once in the last twelve months?
More importantly: how has your life changed over the last year? How have your priorities shifted? What could be removed to let you focus on what matters most to you, where you are now?
2. Ask better questions.
I used to look around at our stuff and ask questions like, Does this work? Do we like it? Is it any good?
Those were fine questions, but just because a thing is good (or good enough) doesn't mean I have to own it.
To really figure out what we needed and didn't, I had to start asking better questions—questions like, Could we live without this? Would we be just as happy without it? If we didn't have it, could we use something else for the same purpose? Could we borrow one if we needed to?
I realized there were plenty of things in our home that we didn't dislike, but that we didn't need or love, either. There was nothing wrong with those things, no particular reason to pass them on—except that someone else could use them better than we would, and we didn't want to invest any more energy in storing and maintaining them. We found more joy in letting go of those things than we did in having them available "just in case."
3. Imagine the possibilities.
Look ahead to the new year. Let yourself wonder, what would life be like without this stuff? What if cleaning up wasn't such a chore? What could I tackle if my workspace were clear? What could my family do together if we didn't have to spend as much time cleaning and organizing?
How can you rethink your space to help your family do more of what matters to you? How could you make it easier to host family game night, or to read aloud before bed, or to invite friends for dinner? What gets in the way? What can change?
A little reflection and planning now lets you make better choices about which holiday gifts you might purchase to be used in the year to come—and which you might pass on. And paring back ahead of time lets you make space for all the possibility the new year offers.
There's no rule for which things stay and which things go, or for how many things you can have in your home. There is no right number of toys to keep on the shelves. (And no matter how many there are, they'll probably all end up on the floor at some point. That's okay.) You'll decide what's best for your family.
Reflecting back and imagining the year ahead just gives us a chance to find a fresh perspective. When you think about which things you need and which get in the way of what's most important to you, you might just find there really is more joy in having less.
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MrsM - great article. Thanks.
My son lived for a number of years on a sailboat. He wasn't sailing around except sometimes on weekends, but the boat at the dock was his main "house". He credits his lack of interest in "stuff" to those years. For one thing, there wasn't much room. For another, everything had to be stowed or tied down before he could take the boat out. So he was & is very careful about culling things he doesn't really need or love. I've been trying hard to look at what I buy with his criteria.
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Excellent article!! Thanks, MrsM!
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Thank you for the article Divine. That is good to think about after a year plus of de-cluttering, and still more to go!
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Posted on the Insomniacs thread and re-posting here!
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Jazzy, this is an excellent list of questions to ask. I plan to print it out and tape it to the inside of a kitchen cabinet for quick reference. I think if i learn to ask these questions over and over while decluttering, I will eventually memorize them and it will become second nature to run through the list.
The question, #7, "could something else I own do the same job?" is one I ask myself when shopping. It has helped me with impulse buying. It also helps me become more creative. I was seeking to replace a decorative wall plaque in my kitchen. Couldn't find what I wanted and started asking if I already had something I owned that I could use. Sure enough, I thought of a small wall hanging I had in another room but wasn't using anymore and it looks even better in the kitchen.
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I like question #9.
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My Mom was so worried I would be offended when she gave her silver tea set to her DIL. I breathed a sign of relief. Man, I hated cleaning that thing as a child.
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Jazz: Great list. I too will print.
Wren: I agree. It wasn't until my Mother died I finally felt free to get rid of some things that she prized and I absolutely hated. On the other hand, she put stickers on the bottom or the back of EVERYTHING about which child was to have this. So it was all sitting there after her death, and what a nightmare I had trying to fulfill her wishes. It would have been nice if she'd given us that special "xxx" along the way.
I sorted all my Christmas ornaments several years ago and am giving some to my son & nieces & nephews each year for the holidays.
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I found #6 to be so useful when cleaning out the closets. Sometimes I would have shoes that were basically the same type of shoe, maybe just a different style of a same color. So those went to the consignment stores! One only needs so many leopard print shoes and boots, right?
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Oh Wren, me too!! Mom gave all her silver to little brother's first wife. (they are long divorced now!) cuz she knew that I didn't want it since I always hated polishing it. Glad I don't have it.
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I also love the list, and have seen similar lists in the past. I'm really struggling with number 3, keeping things out of obligation. I was the only one in a house when my mother died and my father sold the house, and so was asked to keep family items like two pictures of my grandfathers. They're huge oval pictures (about 2.5 feet high by 1.5 feet wide), they're in their army uniforms from WWI, so they really set the tone of a room when I do display them. I don't right now, but I don't want to get rid of them either...
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Dee, That's the kind of thing a history museum might be interested in. Do you have people to pass it down to?
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I have a daily reading book called "Your Daily Rock- A Daybook of Touchstones for Busy Lives". Today's reading is about consumerism and asks the question, why do we buy so much?
I have had several thoughts about this during the year and with my de-cluttering process. The first is that our society/culture is very consumerism focused and most of our economy is based on us buying the goods and services here. We no longer make the widgets we used to here in the US, but we are expected to purchase good and services for our own purposes to keep things going.
My other thought is sometimes we buy things to fill a void vs. buying something that we truely love, will use or enjoy, etc. At least I do. I think this is where mindful questions come into to play. Do we love it? Do we already have something similar? Do I love it? Is is a nice momento of an experience, like a vacation? Am I buying this because I had a bad day at work and it will cheer me up (aka retail therapy)?
The book also talks about the value of having more experiences vs. stuff. Stuff that owns us, takes too much of our time, etc. Experiences don't do that, do they? We have them and then we go. We don't have to manage where to put them, how to keep them serviced, etc. A nice dinner with friends, a vacation with loved ones, a spa day. That is what I hope to be doing more of of going forward.
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A friend who loves to travel says she's done shopping. She goes for the sights, the people, and especially the food. She recently built a small cottage in her back yard. She lives in it and rents out her large house to people with children. There's also a basement apartment in the big house that she's reserving for visitors. It's booked for a wedding in the spring.
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