Not quite a horder - decluttering
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Poodles, I had written a bunch of stuff, got busy, came back, pressed send and then saw you had supplied additional information so I deleted my above post since it changed what I wanted to say.
First, I don't envy you because about seven years ago, my six sibs and I had to sell my dad's house and didn't agree on much. One sister seemed to blatantly want choices opposite of mine.....but that's another story....
Also, I think your brother in law should stay completely out of the decision making. Siblings only.
Try to get an estimate on what buffing parquet flooring would cost and what installed carpet (the very cheapest, neutral of carpeting) would cost before you meet with your sibs so you can compare the pricing along with what kind of flooring allowance you'd offer. Updated flooring may help the place sell faster but it sounds like even more work than that is required.
Dh and I helped his mom get her house ready for sale two summers ago. She was widowed for 25 years and had no money for repairs, plus some banker took advantage of her little old lady status and she remortgaged her home and owed lots of money on what should have been paid years ago.
She, too, thought her home was worth much more than it was. We got a woman I know who is a realtor to help sell the house, and this woman was very good working with a senior citizen. (She helped dh and I stay sane, too.) Try to get a realtor who will work with you to coax your mom thru the process, step by step. My mil was 87 and lived in her house 67 years, so it was a big change. She now lives across the street from us, much better for everyone. We focused on getting her house in shape, the realtor told us she needed things done like handrails on the steps, carpet in one room, updated electric, ect. The realtor hired someone to do the electric and the cost was paid after mil sold her home.
In the end, she it sold for about a thousand dollars less than what her home was appraised for, and we were all happy with that outcome.
Another thing, I don't know if you check realtor.com, but you can plug in "homes for sale in Mobile Alabama" and look at photos of the insides of homes. It could give you and idea what is on the market already. And, you can see what homes sold within the past few months and for how much and if the house was on the market for long and if the price was dropped over the time it sold. Very interesting and educational. I always look at the site for my little town even tho we aren't buying....just being nibby!
She also planted the st joseph statue in the yard and said the little prayer with it. Just throwing that out there!
This is going to take time and effort, so take it one step at a time. Good luck!
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Poodles - sounds like the house REALLY needs to be sold to a 'flipper' with all the issues you're listing. If you can get $100K, I'd go for it. Is it really worth the hassle & expense for another possible $10K? And I suspect many buyers will be turned off by the group home next door.
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MinusTwo, that's my feeling. Although the young men in the group homes are very nice and very quiet, some people are just going to be put off by their differentness. Not to mention the parking issues. I just can't see putting money into this house--by the time we repaint, tear out the carpet and buff the floors, fix the hot water heater, replace the sliding glass doors, and fix the aluminum wiring, she'll be in it for at least $15,000. None of us can do the work ourselves. Better to price it at $100K IMO, rather than put all that money and time into it to sell it for $115K, minus $15K for repairs.
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I wonder if the owner of the group homes would like another home to turn into a group home?
It is an expanding business. My son was on the waiting list for a group home for several months. The company that runs his group home is expanding. They like having their homes close together for staffing reasons.
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Great point Mominator! I would definitely begin there. DD has a group home next door and she thinks it would interfere with her getting a good price for her home. It would be great if the group home people want it. They would need to bring it up to code for multiple occupants, so might just want to start from scratch. Is your Mom still living there or has she moved elsewhere? Getting anything done in a house is a hassle and you need someone on hand to keep things moving. I would consider not doing anything to it and looking for a flipper.
I'm torn about doing anything expensive to our house. It's fine for us the way it is. Needs painting on the outside and that will need professionals. We painted it once ourselves, but we're considerably older now. We will probably be able to get a good price from a developer who will tear it down and put in 4 townhouses. That's happening all over this part of Seattle. We're in good health now, but in your late 70's it doesn't take much to reverse that.
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We often used the words "simplify" and "simplifying" when discussing with my mil the topic of selling her house and moving into town across from us, rather than say "downsize". A matter of semantics, but we did our best to make her realize we were not taking something from her, she was not losing something; we were helping her lighten her burden, which is what her house was. She didn't need a four bedroom house with an acre of grass to keep cut. She should have moved at least ten years before she did but was very stubborn.We wanted her to have more quality to life. She'd been somewhat isolated "out on the hill" as we described where her house was located out of town, and in town, even tho it is a quiet street, she has so much more social interaction, not to mention a nice little nest egg which was non existent before her house sold and she worried that any major repair needed would sink her.
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A couple more points in favor of selling to the owner/investor of the group homes:
1. the town's building codes allow group homes
2. the town's residents are favorable to (or at least not activity opposing) group homes since there are already two group homes in the neighborhood.
Some towns have a "NIMBY = Not in my back yard attitude" towards group homes.
A neighboring town to me has building codes that would allow for apartments, condos, and other multiple units facilities. However, it is a wealthy town and the residents fought very hard again an investment group that was trying to convert a lovely old Victorian hotel into apartments or condos. It took several years and several concessions before an agreement was made. It would be even worse to try to get a group home in that town.
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Am considering a move next Spring to a home that would be a base house - 9 mo a yr there and 3 mo in Wales or the UP or Maine or Nova Scotia. Periodic trips back to here to see family. The like. And daughter will be in UK since she married.
But then I think how hard it will be to move. I go through the house periodically with garbage bags for donating, tossing, etc. House is in decent shape. But the garage! Will probably have a flea marketer come and pack and haul for a good trade. He gets it, I get rid of it.
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Bluebird, it sounds like you have a good plan to take care of the non necessary things in your garage and perhaps as you get started, it will fall into place. Thats what seemed to happen with our garage. Once we took the vehicles out and I assessed the inside, I was able to move a few things for better organization and then thankfully dh sifted thru more stuff, deciding what to keep and what to pitch.
Yesterday I went shopping and took the time to consider my purchases. I needed a new bathing suit and found two very different styles that were okay (at my age, okay has to do!). I contemplated buying both as they were reasonably priced, but in the end, I only bought the one that fit better than the other.
I tried on sweaters, liked a couple but decided against buying them because I have plenty. Tried on some shirts and only bought one that I really liked. I considered buying a patriotic tshirt for dh as there was a good sale, then thought about the many, many tshirts already in his closet amd of course he has plenty of patriotic ones. So, no purchase there, either.
This was progress for me. I used to buy more indiscriminately, getting that momentary "feel good" feeling, then the "what was I thinking?" later when stuff wasn't used or was a repeat of what I (we) already had, and adding to the clutter of over stuffed closets. I am learning!
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DivineMrsM--I recently learned that I go shopping for the good feeling, too. I always thought I was getting things I needed, and occasionally something I wanted. Then I started with little decluttering projects and discovered all kinds of things I "needed" but never used, never even taken out of the package, and multiples of things I do use that I remember getting cuz I couldn't find one or didn't think I had one. And Amazon Prime makes that kind of buying way too easy! Now I put things on a shopping list as I think of them, and only buy what is on the list (not including food/groceries in this yet), and when I buy through Amazon I put the item in the cart and then wait until the next day to actually order it, IF I can still justify getting it. So less stuff coming in, and that will help over time. Good for you for keeping your last shopping trip sane and taking time to think through the purchases.
I actually had time and energy last night after I got home from work (I've recently moved from full time work to part time), to do a decluttering project. Started out with the plan of doing 2 dresser drawers.Ended up doing all of them. I now have drawer space to put some of the stuff currently hanging up in the closet that doesn't need to be hanging up!Small steps, but adding up! Next project is to clean out the under-the-bed storage container that I put off-season clothes into, so I will have that to put winter clothes directly into as I tackle the closet and laundry baskets.
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Good for you Native! That's real progress. I have 12 fleece jackets or sweatshirts. Surely I can cull some of those. I have a light gray sweatshirt in great condition. It has 3/4 sleeves. I never wear it because I want long sleeves when I'm cold.
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Wren, I am learning to let go of duplicates more often these days, as well as things I no longer wear. And when they are gone,I don't miss them!
Native, I think small steps are actually good. Too many people are overwhelmed with decluttering their "whole" house, when really they should break it down into small, manageable chunks. Sometimes looking at the big picture paralyzes people into inaction. I am always happy when I clean out a drawer here or a cupboard there. It really does add up.
Opening up storage space comes in handy, too! My stepson and his family, four in all, will be in for the weekend. We have a room with a sectional sofa that pulls out to a bed where the kids sleep. I keep about six blankets and throws folded up on the ottoman, as we don't use this room often. The cat sometimes goes in there and lays on top of all the throws. Stepson and his wife are allergic to cats, so dh goes berserk, always washing all those throws and blankets before they visit.
The hall closet is right outside this room, and due to decluttering, there was a nice, wide, "empty" shelf above the coats. We start putting all the throws and blankets there, plus a couple pillows, that way the cat doesnt lay on them, and we won't have to wash all this stuff each time stepson is in. So now, I have just one small throw in that room for occasional snuggling, and it really made a big difference, it looks nice and tidy. It looks calming. Gonna cut down on laundry, too!
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Wrenn44--sometimes I'm surprised at how many duplicates of something I find!
DivineMrsM--it's great how the space for the blankets worked out and how much the laundry load decreased with that--love the ripple effect!
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Oh yes, the duplicates. Yesterday evening I straightened up my clothes closet. It only took about 30 minutes because I sort of go thru it once a season. I realized I have more than enough patriotic type shirts with stars or flags and such on them, so I am glad I took a casual inventory. No more of those purchases for a long long time. Grouped together all the pants hangars with clips, they often get lost among the other stuff and I end up draping my capri pants over the rocking chair or shoved in a drawer. Now I can hang them up again and that often means less ironing. I put five clothes items in the Goodwill pile. Two were old patriotic tshirts that no longer fit. Whaddo I need those for?
In arranging my hall closet, I found a digital picture frame I no longer use and meant to put in the yard sale. It may just go to Goodwill now, too.
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So, yesterday I managed to clean up the hall closet. Son and DH still have too many coats in there (how many coats can you wear at one time??) Today i cleaned out my dresser drawers and closet. Lots of clothes headed to the thrift store.Lots of other stuff, too. I was pretty ruthless about it.
Why, you ask? Because I priced out storage units. We're planning to store some stuff until we figure out where we want to go after the house sells. The size unit we need runs about $120-125/mo. I had a "Come to Jesus" moment when I considered how little value so much of this stuff has. For $1,500/yr we can buy a lot more stuff if we need to!
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Poodles, Ha ha, love the come to Jesus comment. But you're smart to do the math and ask yourself is your "stuff" really worth the cost to store it.
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It's really kinda funny what makes the cut. Nice pink wool coat that my youngest son gave me for Christmas? Yes. Warm, comfy jammies; two Christmas shirts; 2 warm scarves? Yes. Clothes that are 2 sizes too big or small? No. Pretty shoes that don't fit (and never did fit)? No. I found a small stash of old pictures and some old cards the kids had made. I eliminated pics that were really no good and organized them into piles for each of the kids. Went through a pile of cards the kids had made, saved the 2 most meaningful, plus my original nursing license. All things that can lie flat inside a dresser.
You know the part I'm dreading? Going through the Christmas stuff. DH wants to keep it ALL. I went through some of it last Christmas and got rid of things we no longer use. But there are ornaments that each of us has collected through the years. Honestly, Ill probably get rid of all of mine. I haven't even opened the box in at least 5 years. We have already downsized our Christmas tree to a little 4-ft tree that belonged to my mother. We'll keep that, but we don't need 500 ornaments. In fact, I have 3 old popcorn cans with lovely glass balls, beads, and chandelier drops. I'll probably keep the kids' stockings--for now.
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Still making a small amount of progress every day. It's taking me longer to go through my clothes since I haven't done it in such a long time. The "give away" basket is getting regular additions.It's hard for me to let go of some of the graphic T's that I've got even though they are too small and I can't wear them. Some I've had for years and never worn. I did start a small box of these, will put the box away in another room and hope the out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing works and I can give them away when I get to purging THAT closet. But that's the only thing so far I'm having a real struggle with.I'm sure there are more struggles to come, but I'll deal with them when they happen.
Poodles--don't you just love those "Come to Jesus" moments?$1,500 a year IS a lot for stuff that isn't used, and probably wouldn't even be missed! OH, boy, I can see where I'm going to have trouble with Christmas stuff myself when I get to that point. No kid's stuff, but some stuff from my childhood. Ah, well, that box is in the basement, that project is a ways in the future, will deal with it when I get there!
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I let go of some Christmas things, too, some of which was not easy.
First, I want to say that I know a lot of people who think they must put up every decoration they've ever had every year. I don't understand that. My every day house decor changes over the years, not drastically but enough that some Christmas decor no longer works. Some is outdated. I've done a pretty good job not buying much new holiday items the past five years or so. I like to pull apart old things and put together something new, like a centerpiece, or save a star off a craft and hang it on a doorknob, ect. I call this "going shopping in my house" and its a good way to repurpose outdated and old things.
Some stuff there is no hope for, and while I decorated last Christmas, I put the hopeless items in a box and put it in the yard sale. That part was easy.
I had a beautiful, large grapevine swag with lighted garland that I made years ago but havent had a place to hang it since a remodel a long time ago. Also had a large lighted wreath I'd put together that I no longer hang at Christmas. They looked expensive but cost me little, and it was hard to sell them. ButI did, and cheaply, too, so they would move.
I had a Christmas village that I sold, and that tugged my heart strings because of the memories associated with all those Christmases when our son was growing up. Six houses, a train set, skating rink and lots of figurines and additional village decor I picked up over the years. I just don't put it out any more. I saved a small shoebox of some of the more endearing pieces. In the end, I am glad the bulk of it is gone.
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yeah, I used to decorate just about every room in the house. And then one Christmas I had the worst bout of vertigo that lasted for about three weeks. Most days I was flat on my back. And you know what happened? My kids decorated the tree. My DH put a wreath on the door. My ten-year-old daughter made some slice and bake cookies, which were delicious. The rest of the house went undecorated, but it was fine. We had a wonderful Christmas, despite my vertigo and we learned a lesson. A simple Christmas is really all we need.
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Poodles, I love that story! Vertigo was the grinch, but your family knew the true meaning of Christmas. And that was a nice present for you!
I cut way back on cookie baking at the holidays, too. The arimdex I take makes my feet always sore, so I can't spend hours on my feet in the kitchen like long ago. I will get box mixes, and the slice and bake ones too, whereas I made it all from scratch before. Guests dont really eat much of them, anyway. Live and learn!
My gift requests take into consideration that I don't want a bunch of stuff to have to put away after Christmas morning. Dh would love to have endless mumbo jumbo under the tree. I like gift cards, coupons to get a pedicure and other small things. No candles! I sold a bunch at the yard sale. My son gave me the gift of a day excursion where we hiked and went out to eat, his treat. In return, I made sure to get him and his girlfriend non-bulky gifts because they live in an apartment without much storage space. Christmas doesnt have to be a big blow out for me.
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Me, either. I'd rather have gift cards and experiences. Up to now we have been inclined to give the kids small great gifts, one larger gift, and an envelope with cash. Next Christmas we're going to change all that. We may give them a couple of small gifts comma but the rest is going into the envelope. They need money more than they need Trinkets.
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We do presents for the children and draw names for the adults. Last year we decided that was pretty silly since there are only 6 adults and stopped doing those. Now that we're retired and living mostly on social security, we don't have the money to spend that we used to. It's hard not to give to all the charities we supported while working, but we've had to make hard choices. We bought a small artificial l tree that doesn't take days to decorate and take down. I miss the big one, but it was a lot of work. I tend to have depression problems at Christmas due to multiple triggers connected to the season. It's a lot easier to do less.
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My Mom decorates big time every year for Christmas, but I haven't decorated at all for years. Only me here at home, and too much work to take it all down after the holidays. Now that I'm not working full time I may feel differently this coming season. We'll see. I suspect when I get to the tub of Christmas stuff much of it won't work or be usable, and that will make it easier to thin out.
Poodles, oh my, what a way to spend a holiday! But what a lesson, too. Simple can be very good.
I'm on board with the less is more thing, too.Told my family a few years ago that I wasn't going to shop for Christmas presents anymore, since I don't like Christmas shopping, and none of us need anything or have room for a lot of stuff. Doesn't stop my Mom, but it makes her happy, so that's ok.
Wren--Christmas can be a hard time for lots of people. It is a lot easier to do less, and focus more on what is really enjoyable. For me that's baking and cooking. Everyone needs to approach the season the way that works for them.
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There is a lot of societal pressure, mostly for women, to "create" the perfect Christmas which is always about spending a lot of money to make everyone else happy. That includes buying gifts, decoratiions, food, and the right holiday attire, like the families that wear matching pajamas every year.
Gradually, especially the past five years or so, I have phased a lot of the hoopla out of the holiday. I need more genuine experiences. I don't want to listen to a bunch of women gripe about how busy they are shopping, decorating, wrapping and baking their way thru Christmastime as if their busyness was a badge of honor and their way of celebrating.
I am not a scrooge. But, I am not going to allow retailers to determine what Christmas means to me. Simpler works and is much less disruptive. I think the disruptive part is what gets to me. I will make room for Christmas, but it is not the end-all. Other times of the year can be just as enjoyable.
Native, you mention being able to let go of things that are no longer usable as a good way to thin things out. I agree. And, I will no longer even store something that no longer works, like a clock or box fan. Same with things like clothes, if they are faded, missing a button, have a stain, out they go.
We sold an inexpensive chess set at the yard sale. Dh put all the playing pieces that I'd stored in a ziploc bag inside the box. He was happily surprised all the pieces were there. "Of course they were, " I said. "I would have thrown it out a long time ago if any were missing." What would the purpose be to keep it otherwise? So it is a good approach, get rid of the worn out and not usable, and I am glad that what I have kept is all in pretty good shape.
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We are lucky that Goodwill here has a rag program. It takes worn out, stained, dye failures, etc. and sells them for rags which are then recycled. This is in addition to the usable stuff. It keeps it out of the landfill and feels better than just tossing in the garbage.
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DivineMrsM--you state how I feel about Christmas and the whole holiday season wonderfully. I would much rather have the day visiting with family than all the hoopla. That's why I stopped doing the presents thing.
Wren--that is a great program.
Well, I haven't done much in the decluttering department over the last couple of days, need to get back into that when I get home from work this afternoon. Don't want to lose the momentum.
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My problem with Christmas is I live alone. My grown son is in a different state and we rarely get to spend the holidays together since he's usually working. I have lots of good friends, but no other family. Most friends are usually off to visit their kids somewhere else. Last year my son only send a card several weeks early. Since I've been cutting back, I was surprised how really hurt I was that Christmas morning there was nothing from him. I tried to explain how hurt I was, but I think he only heard - buy gifts - when he'd been hearing me say "I'm getting rid of stuff" for so long. Yup - it's confusing. Now I have to try to correct the thought because I'm sure he didn't hear "experiences or consumables". Flowers would be fine. Food gift - nuts, oranges, etc. Tickets to a show. Oh well. Lots of hurt feelings and it probably won't ever really be mended. Silly - since I haven't put up a tree in years & really do agree with you all - and with him for that matter.
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I volunteer at a Senior Center with awesome director and social worker. Both are Jewish. Christmas Day they have a traditional dinner for anyone who wants to come. They do ask that people sign up so they know how much food to fix. My BFF went last year and said it was an absolutely lovely dinner with carol singing afterward. It's free - I think they get donations from their temples. They are the warmest, most welcoming people I have ever known.
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MinusTwo, maybe you could make the "old fashioned" list of five-ish "things", that being the experiences you would like or the food, and ask your son to select one or more from the list. A pedicure at a specific place, a concert to someone coming in your area, a gift card to your favorite restaurant. I would get very specific.
Also, as for hurt feelings not being mended, just move on and even joke a bit about it to your son. Look, especialy guys need everything spelled out for them. You can say, "Remember when I said I didn't want any "thing" for Christmas? Well, I lied!" Simply say that you reconsidered or thought it over, and would like to celebrate again in the way of gift exchange. I think make light of it. Really, it was a misunderstanding, and that can be corrected.
At Christmas, I asked for a giftcard from Amazon and got a fifty dollar one when I was expecting only twenty five. I don't instantly spend just because I have it. Over the year, different wants come up, a book or a hand creme or sandals, ect. I am very happy to have a little frivolous "money" in advance to buy little treats for myself here or there and not feel guilty about it.
Wren, the dinner you describe sounds super nice.
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