Not quite a horder - decluttering
Comments
-
Triple, I don't think family and friends give gifts for us to be burdened forever by them. It is okay to let go of things after they have served their purpose. A gift is a gift. The receiver is allowed to do whatever they want with it. Free yourself of guilt for recycling things you received from others. It is actually a smart and logical thing to do. You would never want others to be weighted down by gifts you gave them, so neither should you be.
You say you read all the books, but if you havent read the Magic of Tidying up, please do. Its is my favorite of all. Many many good tips on decluttering. Get rid of excess clothes first as they are the easiest and usually have less emotional attachments. She also suggests decluttering first, then organize later. I tweeked her ideas so they worked for me. I put all clothes in my room on the bed, from drawers and closets, and only put back what I really loved. I did the same with the hall closet. Left dh clothes alone. Once I got clothes taken care of, it gave me a psychological boost to tackle more.
Re: letting go of dreams. Allow yourself to mourn for them. Embrace the feelings. But guess what. I find in simplifying, the things that remain define who I am much better than keeping *everything*. I consider it editIng. Just as a film director has lots of raw footage, but edits it to tell a more clear story, that is exactly what I find happening with me in editing my things down. Your dreams will redefine themselves when the picture gets more clear. You can move forward more easily and still find new goals in your life more suited to who you are today and not who you were way back when. Yes, even at age 63.
0 -
Divine- I love the film director editing down the footage analogy. That is a keeper!
0 -
I used to love to read and read books all the time. Now I'm learning to paint and I want to paint all the time. The only thing I enjoy reading about is painting. I have to force myself to read the book club book. I would drop out if they weren't good friends. So I would keep the things that excite you now, not the things that no longer interest you. There's a great store here that will take almost anything vaguely artistic to resell. They have great programs for kids to create things. I'm not interested in looking 25 and am definitely not going to exercise to keep me looking that way (if it was even a possibility), so those tapes can go to someone else who can use them.
I read a book once that described finding past selves in storage all over the house. The equipment to garden, from wanting to 10 years ago, for instance. Or a craft a friend talked them into trying but it didn't become a hobby. That sort of thing is much easier to get rid of.
0 -
Divine, I love the film editor analogy too!! Well-said!!
And I second the reading Marie Kondo's book on Tidying Up. Really helpful.
0 -
Wren- I like the comment about finding "past selves" around the house in storage too.
Been thinking about the comment about lost dreams too. There is a grieving that goes with things we may never do again, and unrealized things we may not get to. Life can and does bring us some pretty nice surprises though. Just happened to me recently, I reconnected with someone I never thought I would talk to again and it has made my heart so happy. I believe the universe hates a void so as things disappear, it makes room for new (and better) things to come in.
0 -
Wren, that is a fascinating way to see it as finding past selves among our old things. It is so true. Love that perspective and will keep that in mind.
Jazzy, along those lines of "voids", I believe we can create them so that the right things fill our lives, as you say, new and better things. I learned this applies to people as well. If we spend time with the wrong people there is less time for the right ones (often advice I have given to those who are dating). But applies to platonic friendships as well.
The editing of film analogy is what I am experiencing first hand. As I recently began editing family videos, I know no one wants to sit and watch 25 minutes of fireworks or 15 minutes of the dog chasing a ball. I can tell a better story if I eliminate the unnecessary. It dawned on me that simplifying my belongings does the same thing.
0 -
I'll just chime in with some random thoughts about de-cluttering. Since my cancer diagnosis has brought my mortality into focus, I too have been "purging" for the last few years. Slowly and steadily. Yesterday I emptied two bathroom shelves and filled a small trash bag of stuff I haven't been using.
this winter I did a big purge of my files.
in 2004 I helped my parents move out of the house they had lived in since 1952. It was a big house, filled with stuff, and my parents waited until they were too old to deal with it. My mom had had a stroke, and my dad was 89, and was just overwhelmed. So I spent many months driving down on the weekends and helping them empty their house. After they moved to assisted living, after my dad died, I moved my mom in, and hastily boxed up their stuff and stored it. This spring I found a large bin of papers from my dad's office, old tax forms and statements and stuff, most of it got recycled.
So, not only am I dealing with my own crap, I am slowly dealing with what remains of my parents stuff. (And, when they moved out of their big house, I took a lot of stuff, dishes, pots and pans, linens, etc., thinking that some day when my 2 children started their own lives and homes, they could use some of these things - well, my son who lives close by lives a very minimalist lifestyle and wants none of it, and my daughter is in california, so it is unrealistic to send stuff out to her.)
Some things I can't part with but have no idea what to do with - like the stack of framed diplomas from my dad's college, medical school and residency years.
I really don't want to put my children through the nightmare of dealing with all of my stuff, but it really is quite a process.
I read somewhere that the average american household has something like 300,000 objects in it.
What I've realized about all of my de-cluttering efforts: each and every item must be handled, a decision needs to be made about what is going to happen to it, and then it needs to be dealt with. sigh.
0 -
Flavia- what I found hard about my parents stuff was keeping things that were important to them, without really asking myself what was important to me. I ended up taking some of my mother's favorite clothing, like the dress she wore to my brother's wedding and other items. Eventually with time I just donated them, I realized she would never wear them again (she was in assisted living for eight years after we cleaned out and sold the house). Many other examples of that too. I have no doubt there are 300K things in a home, if not more.
A friend told me that sometimes taking a photo or scanning something and keeping it electronically makes letting go of the tangible things easier. Can you take the degrees out of the frames and get them scanned (if you don't have one at home) and keep them electronically? A way to retain the info without requiring physical space?
0 -
I'm sorry I couldn't ship my parents HS and college yearbooks when they died. In retrospect, I should have torn out the pages where they appeared, but there's no one but me who would like to see them again.
0 -
Flavia, thanks for sharing what your decluttering experience is. Parents waiting till they are too old to downsize on their own is a common occurence. As a number of us have said on this thread, we don't want to burden our own kids the same way.
Dh has a different perspective than I do on mortality. Both of my parents have been gone for 20 years. And I am the one dealing with stage iv bc. Dh's mom is still living at age 88 (across the street from us) and he is almost 60 and currently in very good health. He does not feel the urgency as much as I do to purge, but I understand why. Still, it can be frustrating at times when he drags his feet.
As for the diplomas, ect. Another suggestion is to take them out of the frames and store them in a nice binder, diplomas slipped into page protectors, either a scrapbook type book you create on your own or have a store like Office Max or Staples do it, creating a booklet of his accomplishments. It may be easier to store that way, and to look at periodically, flipping through pages.
0 -
On my way out of town, but want to thank everyone for helpful replies. I have some quotes that I have printed out to help me when I am de-cluttering and DivineMrsM's section on letting go of dreams is definitely something I am going to print out to help when I hit the rough spots. I do have both of Marie Kondo's books and have not made much progress beyond the clothing category because of the "letting go of dreams" associated with books and other objects. our library no longer accepts books, but I finally found a charity that does. That makes it easier to put books in a "donate" box as I muster the courage to let go a few at a time.
Thank you @Jazzygirl,@MinusTwo, @Wren44, @DivineMrsM, @Glennie19, @Flaviarose (hope I didn't leave anyone out)!
0 -
@Jazzygirl, I have done the photo thing of objects and the strange thing is that I look at 100% of those pictures and wonder why I had trouble letting go of those things but that knowledge doesn't seem to affect my letting go behavior going forward
0 -
thanks Jazzy and DivineMrsM for the great suggestions!
0 -
Good morning, I have been lurking for a couple of weeks and want to introduce myself and get more involved. I heard about this thread from Jazzygirl. I've found lots of good info already! I recently was able to pay off my mortgage and am transitioning from Full Time to Part Time work, and really looking forward to having a better work/home balance. My main project once I start part time work (last full time day is the 12th) is decluttering and cleaning my home. I've been a FlyBaby for years, have started that program a few times and do have some good habits and routines I learned there.I like the Clutter Rules by Jeff Campbell, especiallyhandling things once.I've read The Magic of Tidying Up and The More of Less. Good ideas and good inspiration.There's a lot to think about in both books, and I've done a lot of thinking about my own situation and the stuff I have and how to let go of it.I have cleaned up the bathroom, and kept it neat for a few weeks despite being sick much of that time, and am going to tackle the bedroom first. The kitchen, living room and sewing room are too big and ovewhelmingly cluttered, so I'm going to build up some momentum with the bath and bedroom first. And keep reminding myself that I can't do everything in one day, and that's ok.
0 -
I have to declutter right now. I hadn't done much extra house work since a year before my diagnosis due to bad hips. I started doing some decluttering last year (just sit down stuff) but now I have a deadline. My DD, DSIL and 2 DGC are moving in with me in July because of DSIL's heart problems and I need to make room for their stuff and childproof for the three year old. What a lifestyle change from two content 66 year olds (if I don't feel like cooking we eat out) to having to run a household of 6. My DSIL was the househusband and my daughter, while working full-time, is not good at taking care of the house. I'm trying to get rid of a clutter spot a day but after about 3 hours my brain says that it just can't handle making anymore decisions that day but I am making some progress. I got the master bath, two linen closets and half my sewing stuff done this week but I still need to get the purged items out of the house. I couldn't believe how many twin bed sheets I still had with no twin beds set up in the house. I think I'll take today to garden and tackle a bedroom tomorrow. Getting rid of the books is the hardest thing for me so I'll leave that for later instead of stalling out before anything gets done. I want to get done by the end of the month so I can paint some empty rooms in June. Wish me luck!
0 -
NativeMaine, howdy. Your post has offered more good info. ( I am not sure what a fly by baby is tho.) I did look up Jeff Campbell, who I hadn't heard of, and see he has a nice website. Here is a link for others if you are interested in reading more of his tips:
https://speedcleaning.com/clutter-control-rules/
I like to read articles or books on decluttering/simplifying/minimalising to keep me inspired. I keep a folder on Pinterest and when an article pops up that I like on the subject, I save it and will occasionally review one. I came across this article this week and found it very helpful:
How To Conquer The Emotions Preventing You From Decluttering
April 27, 2017 by KristalMarie
Every week you spend hours organizing, you know if you could just stay organized the house would stay cleaner. But you're starting to wonder if it's possible. You have failed to find a strategy that works. This was me.
Here's the thing, I learned the problem isn't finding a strategy that works, the problem is too much stuff.
If you're in doubt, look at any organizing websites before and after photos. In each and every after photo, you will see less stuff. Here is an example from BHG. A quick look and you can see how much stuff was removed in the after photos.
So to finally get organized it starts with removing the clutter. But that can be easier said than done. Let me tell you, I know this is absolutely the hardest part of getting organized.
But here's the trick, learning to get rid of a lot of the clutter starts with examining why you feel the need to hold on to so much stuff.
We all hold on to our stuff for different reasons and it is rarely because we need it. The truth is that more often than not we are holding on to our clutter for emotional reasons. Once you determine the real reason preventing you from letting go, you can work through those emotional responses and finally let go of all that stuff weighing you down.
So let's look at some of the most common reasons we have such a hard time letting go of excess clutter.
1. It Fills a Void
It can be hard to identify this as a reason for holding onto clutter. This type of emotional response is often automatic, we are not even aware of the thought, you just feel that void or anxiety. The worse part is that shopping then becomes a nice BREAK from that feeling, and you add to the clutter
Often that feeling of void comes from the need to find comfort when things are uncomfortable. The problem comes when we find that comfort in new clothes, house items or other purchases. There is always this longing for comfort, even right now as you are reading this, you may be feeling an underlying anxiety and distress.
To overcome this struggle, you need to find comfort within yourself. Realize that all of this extra stuff is not providing you the lasting comfort you desire. In fact, it is doing the opposite, it is robbing you of your time and energy. Know that you deserve so much more, more time to for things that you truly enjoy.
Take some time to really examine your life to determine whether your stuff, is filling a void. As you start decluttering, ask of every item:
- Do I love it?
- Is it something I need it?
- Do I use it?
- Does it fit with where I want my life to go?
You will be amazed at how the answer to these questions will help you eliminate a ton of your clutter.
2. Security
There is a certain amount of security in our stuff. This was probably number one for me. I would rationalize that I might need it later, or what if I can't afford to replace it. Of course, I would then store it away and forget I even owned it.
For me, this emotion came down to learning to trust the Lord to provide for my needs in the future. There is a point when you just have to take that leap of faith and trust. Whether you trust in the Lord, trust in yourself or trust in those you love to be there when you have a need, your needs have been provided for all along, there is no reason to think they won't be in the future.
Also, remember this key truth, instead of providing you the comfort of security, these unnecessary items are more likely to provide you with extra stress as they take your precious time to maintain, clean and care for.
Do not hold onto stuff for the what if's in life. Trust that if you really do need it in the future your needs will be provided for.
3. Don't Want to Waste Money
This was another big one for me. I really do not like wasting money. I get VERY upset with myself when I do. Wasting money causes me stress. Often making the choice to get rid of stuff that is still usable and in good condition would make me feel like I was wasting money so I would shove the item in a corner somewhere.
But here is the thing, I already spent the money, holding onto the item was not going to bring the money back. The damage was done.
In fact, by holding onto the unneeded items they are causing me to waste even more; more time, more energy, more storage space and more money to care for and maintain the item.
At this point, you might as well just get rid of the item and use it as a learning experience to be more careful in future purchases. Plus, some items may be worth the effort to sell and perhaps recover some of that money.
4. Sentimental Value
When you are decluttering, sentimental items is always the hardest category of things to deal with. In fact, I always recommend leaving this category for last.
There is a great article on how to deal with sentimental clutter over at Be More With Less. I love how she makes the point that our sentimental clutter keeps us lingering in the past, instead of being present in the moment we are in.
But I think perhaps the most important thing to remember is that if you love the item, if it adds value to your life and if you have the space for it, maybe it's not clutter.
However, the problem arises when we attach sentimentality to nearly every item. When we attach sentimentality to everything, then nothing is special. Sometimes we just keep so much that we have no place to store the items. That is something only you can determine. I just don't want you to feel like you need to get rid of your sentimental items for the purpose of getting rid of them. When it comes to sentimental items take it slowly, honor your memories.
Whether an item is truly sentimental and worth holding on to is something only you can determine. I just don't want you to feel like you need to get rid of your sentimental items for the purpose of getting rid of them. When it comes to sentimental items take it slowly, honor your memories.
5. It's Overwhelming
When your clutter is extensive just the idea of dealing with it can be overwhelming. This feeling of overwhelm, creates stress and anxiety. Perhaps you open the garage door take one look and the task feels impossible. It is so much easier to just close the door, then to deal with those feelings.
Even if you are chipping away at the clutter, you can still get discouraged. Eliminating years of clutter takes time and it will take awhile before you see and feel that big difference decluttering will bring.
But you have to keep going, it is so worth it, I promise.
If your clutter is so overwhelming that you can't even seem to get started, well then you just need to start. Start with the easiest area. Pick the smallest drawer or cabinet. Just start!
Don't let overwhelm stop you from taking action. Make it an appointment on your calendar. Schedule regular times to declutter and you will get there.
Dealing with the emotional aspects of our clutter is tough. But the hardest part really and truly is starting. If you've started you've done the hardest part, now keep going. As the emotions come up in the decluttering process stop and examine what you are feeling. Determine whether the emotional attachments are valid reasons for hanging on to the items. If not, let them go.
You will feel so much better tackling your emotions and your clutter.
As always, live simply, live fully and make each day your Favorite day!
0 -
NativeM, I let myself feel good even if its just a drawer or a cupboard I clean out. Those small things all add up. It helps to chunk things down like you are doing, and celebrate the small victories.
Re: the above article, I loved this insight:
....our sentimental clutter keeps us lingering in the past, instead of being present in the moment we are in.
But I think perhaps the most important thing to remember is that if you love the item, if it adds value to your life and if you have the space for it, maybe it's not clutter.
However, the problem arises when we attach sentimentality to nearly every item. When we attach sentimentality to everything, then nothing is special. Sometimes we just keep so much that we have no place to store the items. That is something only you can determine. I just don't want you to feel like you need to get rid of your sentimental items for the purpose of getting rid of them. When it comes to sentimental items take it slowly, honor your memories.
0 -
Welcome NativeMainer! Glad you came here to join us!
I am taking the last of my summer items to consignment today. Feel ready to finish this up now and enjoy more space in my closets once again! I also have some more to take to donations too!
0 -
Yes, welcome indeed NativeMaine. Congrats on your semi-retirement. Glad to have you join us.
Grace - I find the bathrooms the easiest - even with the linen closet. And agree - books are my downfall.
Devine - what a fantastic article about decluttering the emotions.
....our sentimental clutter keeps us lingering in the past, instead of being present in the moment we are in.But I think perhaps the most important thing to remember is that if you love the item, if it adds value to your life and if you have the space for it, maybe it's not clutter.
Jazzy - I do so wish there were a decent consignment place close to me. I'm still stuck trying to decide if I'm going back to work in the 'real world' where I'll need jackets & blazers. I need to just let go. The thing that worked best for me is the past is to get it out of my closet, box it up and put it under the bed or in the attic. If I haven't missed something or looked for it in a year, the box goes directly to the Women's Home - unopened.
0 -
I think my criteria for books is going to be how easy they are to find in the library. I like to read books by and about Native Americans. A lot of those go out of print, so I'm keeping the ones I liked. I don't think the classics will be unavailable in my lifetime, so they're going. I was a mental health counselor and am going to pass along those books. I either know what they say or am not interested anymore. DH collects poetry books, many of which only have one printing. If he goes first, I'm going to contact our poetry-only bookstore to see if they will buy or at least take them.
My problem is feeling insecure about getting rid of clothes that are now too large. The too small ones can go. But what if I gain weight? I tend to bounce around some. With lurking cuts to Social Security and healthcare, I worry about having money to replace them if I need them again.
0 -
GracieB, wow and my goodness. You are really going to transition into a lifestyle change adding all those extra people to your household! I suppose it does help to have a deadline to keep you motivated and your daughter and son in law are no doubt grateful to have you and your dh open your home to them and their children. I wish you the best of luck with this new family dynamic in the works.
As for the three hours of decluttering and then your brain is fried, I hear you! A three hour stretch is actually a big chunk of time to stick with the process, so feel good about that!
0 -
Wrenn - I've bounced some too. I lost more than 60 lbs w/treatment, but I gave all those "small" clothes away after i realized I wasn't going to stay a skeleton and would have most of my normal padding back. I went down 5 or 6 sizes. But I agree, I don't want to get rid of the clothes that are just one size above where I am now. First of all I like the clothes and they are all 'classic' - not fashion. Second - I can't afford to replace them on social security either.
0 -
Recovering from our garage sale....
It actually went pretty good, despite the weather totally uncooperating. Last Sunday when we started setting up tables in the garage and organizing things, it was 89 degrees and sunny! Today it was 49 degrees and rain! Yesterday it started out raining then cleared up the last couple hours of the sale.
We sold a nice bunch of stuff. Our question now is should we have just one more sale in October, the city wide sale is twice a year, and that way we would sell more holiday items, we have outdoor Christmas lights, Christmas village houses and ornaments. Not sure what to do...sale in October or should we just pack everything thats left over and drive it to Goodwill.
0 -
Here was a great idea I had today and wish I'd thought of yesterday when more people with young children showed. Every young child, say age 10 or under, I told them to pick out a book of their choice for free. Now I had the kids books selling for only fifty cents, but it was super cool how that tiny little goodwill gesture of a free book made parents and kids happy. Me and dh, too! I loved seeing a little girl around eight or nine take Charlotte's Web, and her brother carrying the Captain Underpants book. I sure wish I'd have thought to give more books away yesterday like that.
0 -
GraceB1--Wow, combining the two households will be a big change for everyone! Having a deadline helps with motivation, though, at least it would for me. LOL at the twin sheets! How can you stick with a decluttering session for 3 whole hours?I'm doing go to stay focused for 15 minutes at a time!I find that level of focus amazing.
DiveneMrsM--a FlyBaby is someone who has just started following the FlyLady, who uses a strategy of creating habits and routines during and after decluttering to maintain a clean and orderly house. The website is http://www.flylady.net/You can sign up for e-mail reminders of the habits and routines. She also divides the house into zones and each zone is focused on each week with special Missions.The whole system is based on doing something for 15 minutes then taking a break. I was doing pretty well with the system until my work situation got overwhelming and I was always too tired to do anything and let it all go completely. Now I'm in a position where I will be in control of my working hours, not working full time, and able to prioritize myself and my home.A Pinterest board for relevant articles is a great idea, I'm going to do that, too!And this article will be the first on it.
Good point about the sentimental value we assign to things. I recognize this in myself, that and the don't waste money one really hit close to home.I think my big test question is going to be "HOW is this adding value to my life right now?"
Wren--I can understand the concern about buying new clothes. Not sure what the answer is there.I, too, had a hard time getting rid of books until I got a Kindle. On first glance it can seem expensive, but many libraries now lend out Kindle format books, and I subscribe to a couple of e-mail groups that send out notices of free and very low cost books daily. I have hundreds of books I paid nothing for, many I paid 99 cents for, and a handful I paid full price for.Classics and older books are public domain now, and by sorting by lowest price you will often find pages and pages of books at no cost. Kindle is only one of the e-reader brands out there, I can't think of the others but an e-reader without any fancy additions is fairly inexpensive these days. More expensive ones also function as a tablet.
Giving away the books was a great idea!
0 -
NativeMaine - The 15 minute idea is interesting, but wouldn't work for me. If I can't dig into something and keep going, I just don't get started. Maybe it would work if all the clutter was gone & I was starting fresh.
As for books - yes I've had a Kindle for a long time, but I like the feel & the smell & holding the books & turning the pages & having sticky notes by favorite thoughts, etc. And just seeing them on my night table & my bookshelves & remembering the magic inside. And remembering my Mother reading them to me. And.... I use the Kindle only for long trips when I can't load enough books on an airplane or a cruise.
That said, I do patronize a used book store for most of my books, and return the vast majority of them to the same store to get more. And I do use the library too. Books are just an integral part of me.
0 -
In regards to spending money/wasting money, I try not to berate myself about it. I also have to be mindful not to shame dh about it, either. Neither of us really spend foolishly or extravagantly. I dont want to beat myself up over the beautiful huge white glass punch bowl I bought for $17 and never used and then no one bought for ten dollars at the garage sale. And luckily for dh, when he bought a drum set and after a year he realized it wasnt too good an idea, he was able to sell it for what he paid for it. I regret the Lazboy recliner I bought, beautiful as it is, it hurts my back when I sit in it (not sure why), but I didnt know that was gonna happen when I bought it.
Here's the thing I told dh, tho. I never buy a $35 purse thinking, "after I use this for a year or two, I hope I can resell it for $10 at a garage sale." No, I buy it because I find it necessary, it keeps my life in order, and I want something nice to carry every single day. We don't buy 10-speed bicycles for $100 each thinking, "after we ride these for the next six years, I hope we can sell them for $35 to someone else." We bought them for the outdoor exercise and shared activity when we camped. I didn't buy that cute little park bench years ago for $40 for the backyard expecting to sell it for $20 when I finally got tired of it.
We have gotten good use out of many, many things. Not every purchase is perfect, and life is not perfect, either, so I am learning to cut myself some slack.
0 -
Native, really liking this Fly Lady website and signed up fo emails! Thanks for the tip!
FLY = Finally Loving Yourself
0 -
MinusTwo--I can see where the 15 minute thing wouldn't work for you.It works for me because I have trouble getting started due to feeling overwhelmed, often once I get started I keep going. It's the knowing I can stop even though job isn't completely done that lets me get started at all.But it's not an approach for everyone. My Mom is like that with books, like to feel and hold them, makes regular trips to the library, but almost never buys a book. Sounds like books bring you joy and add value to your life, so you SHOULD keep them.
DivineMrsM--good point about why we buy things.It's almost like some things we buy have a useful life span, then we change, or our lives change and the item is ready for honorable retirement. Not every purchase will be perfect forever, that's for sure. Glad you like FlyLady!
0 -
I happened to read the original post of this thread tday and realized it mentioned Jim Campbell and the Fly Lady. Must not have paid attention before.
Native, you say is so well: some things we buy have a useful life span, then we change, or our lives change and the item is ready for honorable retirement
0
