INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Aww Susan, that is not a good place to be in. It drains you of your energy and push you further into darkness. People,including our loved ones, will disappoint us when we place our expectations on them. I think we have this innate desire to control. Can't change others. We can only change our perspectives and actions which is often not easy. Hate it when I am stuck in it too (currently, upset at DH for his insensitive words). May we get 'unstuck' from our hurts and have the grace to forgive as we have been forgiven. Praying we both get out of the black hole soon. Better to spend the precious energy on something good. Easier said than done, I know. Hugs
ShepK, I am glad to hear you didn't break any bones. No anti-inflammatory for metastasis bone pain?? Hmm. I wonder if she was thinking of the steroid anti-inflammatory, i.e. Prednisone. Hated the crutches when I broke my foot three years ago. My armpits couldn't handle the pressure, plus I almost fell a few times using the crutches because I am am klutz. Have you seen a knee scooter similar to this?
It was a life saver for me. You can rent it. Not sure if insurance will pay for it. I ended up buying one. I think it was close to $200. It was a good investment because if I were to rent it for six weeks, it would cost close to what I paid for, plus three people have used it after me. Wish you were closer. I would loan it to you. Arnica also helps with the bruising.
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Feline, nice photo of the puffins. Gereat Saltee sounds like a neat place to visit.
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Awww, bleep, Susan! I wish I was closer, so I could invite myself to your house.
Edit: yeah, her mother-in-law's a real piece of work, if that comment's any indication. I'm with Shepkitty that you might say to MIL "And I'm so happy for [your son] that he has a similarly lovely family to turn to, should you not be here." And add a real toothy sharky grin.
I suppose it's not possible to say to Claire some variant on, simply, "I'm not available." No explanations. No apologies. Just: "I'm not available that day."
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Susan
In my first marriage I used to be responsible for Father's Day, Mother's Day, Birthdays etc
One famous year I remembered to send my Dad a card. This happened because I saw a card I knew would appeal to my Dad and I had bought it weeks in advance and sent it. Only on the day itself did I remember that I had not sent one to ex-DH's Dad....ooops!
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Susan ~ Oh. My. Dog.....That mother-in-law is a real See-You-Next-Thursday. (learned that from my mum) Next time you see Ms Sunshine I hope you smile warmly and assure her the feelings go both ways......her son will have a nice family to replace her should she and Mr Sunshine die in a fiery car crash or aneurysms or sumthin'. Bless her heart.
Something I try to remind myself over and over and over is "I am responsible for my own happiness - F 'em all" Easier said than done, I truly do know.
FFH and I met when my DS had just turned 3 and his DS was 9 and his DD was turning 6. Their mother had packed up and high tailed it to Canada one morning after putting them on the bus for school in the morning. She had vanished before but FFH had been able to "cover" it up for the kids. Usually you hear about kids in blended families not getting along. Our three bonded right away and have always considered themselves to be "real" siblings. Never had any of the "new" parent angst either. We were a family. It wasn't/isn't always easy. Both kids have been scarred by their mother's abandonment, which has carried over into adulthood. SDD is genius intelligent but suffers from mental illness. She refused meds and treatment as a young adult. That's another story, but basically she is a manipulative, destructive train wreck.
FFH still feels guilty about trying to make a bad marriage work. He was trying to do the best for his kids. He is always over doing for them, forever trying to make it up. I raised them longer than bio-mom and loved them as my own. (sigh)
So, as adults.... my DS always brings cards, sends texts, calls and visits for every single holiday. For both of us. DSS has gotten better about his dad's special days. He has never acknowledged me on Mother's Day. Nor has SDD. SDD never acknowledges us for anything. The only contact she has with her father is if she needs something - she even texted him for money on his birthday! No birthday wishes though. She no longer contacts me at all. When I was first dx'd and too sick to function, she offered no help and only caused more problems and stress. Horrible to say, but we are thankful her other self induced med problems make it highly unlikely she will ever breed. Thank Dog she lives many states away now.
The boys (28 & 21) rent a house together a few blocks away. SDS won't ever offer help but will do so if asked. Sometimes. FFH spends most of his free time with his son or his BFF. I am alone most of the time. If I go out it is usually with DS. He is a good boy
My sweet Granny used to say "Don't let the bastards get you down!". She was a bad ass
Your health, your husband's health, your happiness, peace and comfort are what matter most. "Mother" is a title and also a verb. You will always be Mother. Claire is a grown woman. No more mothering required. Tell her how you feel and then leave it at that. She is now both a Mother and one who mothers. You have set such a loving, positive supportive example of all the wonderful things the word Mother means. Now it's her turn to be the nurturer. Or not.
Focus on YOU. DH and Shelby. I know it's hard. We can only control our own actions though.
Pushing the special command button on my 'puter for you
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Shep- no dilution needed. I take a bit in the palm of my hand & rub it on the affected area. Doing it before you ice can have a double effect of reducing swelling and pain. It really helped me after a bad ankle sprain.
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I have seen people on that knee hingy. They move quicker than me.
Had a long talk with Claire...she insisted, knew something was up and wanted to clear the air. Really still not in a good pace to purge.....but it exploded out from me...,ahhhhhhhhh...not happy with myself. But bless her heart she was calm the whole time then prayed for us a beautiful prayer for a loving family and understanding and peace and God to guide us.....suddenly I felt like the young child.
The mil, I will just stay clear from.
Relationships....why can't they always be like unicorns and rainbows???????
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Susan ~ It IS all unicorns and rainbows!
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Loverly ~ I keep "stepping" on my bad foot with the crutch. We'd be dangerous together! There are two hospitals equally close to our house. I wanted to go to one, FFH drove me to the other. ER we went to is iffy on competence. That helpful nurse came out with some real doozies. Don't know what her specialty was, but she had no clue about Oncology. During intake, she started pressing on my spine to "examine" for damage. I had already explained my spine situation and asked once nicely not to touch me there. She argued and kept poking and pressing. Came close to cussing her out. I very firmly told her to remove her hands immediately before we continued anything. She complied. I'm little but fierce. Even FFH backed up! MO will do back scans. I'll also have the x-ray of my foot double checked. I only saw that ER nurse, no doctor or real exam.
Not as cool as Wenchie but I do have my John Deer to tool around the house in
Feline ~ Love the Puffins! I know they live in Maine, but didn't know they lived other places. Neat! Keeping track of everyone's birthdays and such is hard! Hope you were forgiven for the one time you forgot
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ELEvate......open the page know no more. ELEVate
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That John Deer is even better than the knee scooter. With your fragile spine the knee scooter is not a good idea. BaHahahaha @ the Unicorn.....isn't that the truth? Relationship is where we get to practice our virtues.
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Ohhhh SWEET Shepkitty!! I so want one! LOL
I love the puffins too!
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Shep- Hope your foot heals quickly and am glad it isn't broken. Love your John Deer
Smaarty- First day back was ok. I amazingly woke up 8 minutes before my alarm went off at 4:50. I definitely could feel it in my chest working today. Little time to take it easy. Had to wing it and learn the new system, which wasn't to bad, except I made a med error which hasn't happen in a couple of years. Very disappointed in myself. Just very thankful, it wasn't something major. A reminder to slow down!
Susan- Hope things get better with your daughter and ignore the MIL, she's an ass. I'm sorry you have to put up with that
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Susan, boy oh boy, I think I might have gone postal on this women. I have been sick pretty much the last 3 months. You know, 5 infusions, still progression, everywhere. Hard to stay on top the pain some days, which is my fault. If someone said that to me, about one of kids, the way I feel right now, I might of needed bail $. I hate violence, so I am kidding, but the words coming out of my mouth would not be G rated. Was this MIL controlling before they got married?
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Holeinone-great signs!!!!
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Susan, so sorry that you feel that way about Claire and in-laws. I have much the same and the kids aren't even married. Totally sucks. You have been so giving and caring. Sucks. Serious big squeezing hugs. Chit , if they went through by your side of one week of chemo may be they'd have an attitude change. They have no comprehension what you do. Hmmmm. well fix that--- do a turn about. Ask for help on the chemo week. Serious. They need a reality check. Don't let Claire or Andrew of the hook with the new baby. She needs it as a daughter. He needs it as a doc. You've made BC look easy to them. They need to see what it's really like. LOVE YOU.
Wenchie, I wrote that thread year after dx. So wish I had that info. I had these piles around the house of info. insurance, whatever. Two people with cancer at one time. DH kept track of miles and I had the calendar of visits that year b/c I heard that was important. 258 visits and the miles I forget. Allot. Sucked. Then the next year was worse. But the paper was organized. 9 binders. Part of why I stick to BCO. Newbies need our help and care. LOVE YOU
Shep, Nice to hear nothing broken YAY Elevate. Well, that's interesting that they told you no anti-inflammatories with bone met's when the research says different. There ya go. BTW final dispostion of dx should have been by a doc, but you were likely routed to Fast Track. A Nurse Pactitioner. Call them back when you have a moment and ask there source on the no anti-infllammitories. SUCKS. LOVE YOU.
Mommy, adorable, we have much the same with Shats. It's nice isn't it. Hugs chickie
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Feline Puffins, I thought the were only on the north American coastline. Am I wrong one the ID? A great quiet visit..........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............
Loverly, you are such a good soul...........They didn't teach proper crutch walking.. I see you recognized Puffins too
Shep. oh my, we should store this some where OH yes, I wrote a topic on how to create a personal storage area.
" Your health, your husband's health, your happiness, peace and comfort are what matter most. "Mother" is a title and also a verb. You will always be Mother. Claire is a grown woman. No more mothering required. Tell her how you feel and then leave it at that. She is now both a Mother and one who mothers. You have set such a loving, positive supportive example of all the wonderful things the word Mother means. Now it's her turn to be the nurturer. Or not."
Susan Unicorms and rainbows and Shep comes up with the absolute perfect visual WOW
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Sheesh.
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What our kids do to us
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Claire's MIL0 -
Hiho, I read your post on the liver mets thread. I am sorry to hear those buggars are causing trouble in your bones despite the pain and trouble you have been going through the last 3 months with treatment. Hoping your MO has the wisdom to do something about the the bone mets. I love the beach too. The sound of waves crashing over the sand combines with the smell of salt water is therapeutic for the soul.
The glistening dots of light are caused by microscopic organisms called bioluminescent phytoplankton
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Love the bioluminescent phytoplankton!
Sas Irish Puffins are Atlantic Puffins. I think there are some Atlantic Puffins on eastern coast N America and a different species - Pacific Puffins on the west coast. Atlantic Puffins are found around the British Isles. They are sweet birds.
There were 3 types of Auks on the Great Saltees (Guillemots, Puffins and Razorbills) The razorbills have to have been the inspiration for Robocop. This is a Razorbill, Robocop view
this is the profile view
Isn't he lovely
It was an adventure as you can only go to visit the island via a small ferry, transferring to a 6 man dinghy as you near the island.
I was there both Fri and Sat.
The island is visited by mainly by birdwatchers and photographers.
There was a lady birdwatcher from Davis CA in the party on Fri and a lovely photographer couple from Deland FL on the Sat.
The island is bird metropolis.
For me it was a real adventure as I was meant to go with my photography club. Near the time for going a local conflicting event arose and a number of the party couldn't make it. The club were chartering a ferry and needed 12 people. So the date was switched to next weekend. DD is dancing in a ballet next weekend, both Sat and Sun, so no way could I go away next weekend.
Then it struck me I could go on the planned dates but on my own! The last time I was away on my own I think was when I was in hosp having my MX (
) . Believe me this visiting the island was a BIG improvement in solo adventures. As a result of being by myself I met and chatted to all sorts of people from Ireland , Northern Ireland, England, the US, India and China.
Oh and I saw some lovely birds.
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Holy Chit! Some MILs are just !!BEASTS!! I'm so glad I'm not one of them. I love my SIL and both DILs like my own children and treat them as such. My MIL isn't my mother in law, she's my Mom and I call her Mom. I lover her to pieces and we get along great! My DH is going home for their family reunion this weekend. My #2Mom was very disappointed that I won't be going as am I. I can't leave my #1Mom alone as she doesn't listen to what she's told! She has broken her hip and then her pelvis at seperate times in the past year. I told her the next time she does what she's told not to do and ends up in the nursing home, I'm going to leave her there. I love her to pieces but now is the time I put myself first. Without my health I can't take care of her. If only she'd understand that, she says she does but goes right back to being needy when she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself... Sigh
Lots of hugs and love to everyone!!
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thanks all for making me laugh. Holding Elena right now...ahhhh peace
Holeinone, so sorry things are still spreading..sending love and hugs
Is the foot any better??
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Ms. S, have fun in Tahoe. It will be in the high 90's and will hit triple digits towards the end of the week here in the valley.
Sensi, not a good feeling in the stomach when a med error is made, even minor ones. Fatigue and pressure to perform are ingredients for disaster waiting to happen. Sorry your first day returning to work was not a smooth one.
Susan, peace is what we yearn for. Happy you had a talk with Claire. I'm waiting for the right time (when words of wisdom find me) to clear the air.
Queenie, we are blessed to have varieties of ethnic foods here in California. If I remember correctly, youused to live here, yeah?? I would die if I live in Michigan. Too cold. Maybe that's why you don't have very many Asians living nearby. Ha! Eskimos have different genes.
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Loverly ~ Bioluminescent phytoplankton, so beautiful! Have you seen Life of Pi? Very thoughtful, spiritual film. There was a lovely scene in the movie with the ocean glowing from the phytoplankton. Hope things are happier for you today. Mens....ugg.
Feline ~ You had an adventure! Yay! And so much better than your last solo outing
How fun to meet all those people from around the world! I always enjoy hearing about where other folks are from and what tales they have to tell. To have two whole days to spend enjoying nature and taking photographs sounds heavenly. I love your pics! RoboCop Bird indeed! lol I don't know much about birds; very cool to learn through your eyes/lens.....more please!Wenchie ~ Mothers and daughters......such screwy dynamics. My mom and I are besties long distance. Not so much if we are together for any period of time in person. She is also in poor health and it is frustrating trying to help her with day to day things being 1,000 miles apart. I've tried setting her up on a tablet and a Chrome Box for her TV. She's paid for internet service for 4 years and still can't figure out how to use her devices to get online. Oy. Awesome your in laws are so great! That's the way it should be! Especially because they share so much in common with us
Susan ~ Keep laughing and get plenty of Elena lovin'. Gotta appreciate the irony of the hatefulness of Andrew's mother being turned around into such a silly source of giggles for all of us
Hiho ~ Who knew you had such a wicked streak? Love it! Don't love pain. Uck. Staying on top of it is hard. Especially when learning how to manage "new" pain. Plus the stress of the damned disease. ((hugs)) Only advice I have is never take "no" for an answer when it comes to your needs, concerns and comfort. It took my MO a little while to "learn" me. He calls me his "pain in the butt" and I'm glad. I stand out from his other patients. The nickname is said with affection; love my MO. How many docs can you hold hands and argue with at the same time?
Sensi ~ I smile everytime I see your new avatar
Don't be so hard on yourself about work. Gosh, just back from surgery and having to learn a new system? Girl, you are T-U-F-F, TUFF! Even tuff gals need to take it easy sometimes - hope you can slow down a little and are getting enough rest. JunieB ~ Another Tuffie! I am in awe of your mobility! Hope your pain is being properly managed. Blah on the processed food. Too bad it's not a Skilled Cooking Facility
And falling is scary and I don't like it. I have numbness in my left leg from spinal pressure. I put my good foot out onto the bathmat to exit the tub and the other leg went out on me. I twisted as I fell so I wouldn't knock my head on the loo and landed with the top of my neck banging on the wall and my back on the floor. Good thing the kitty wasn't in with me or there may have been a Prison Break! (I've soooo been waiting to say that!)M0mmy ~ You are so mean, not telling us more Princess stories! So sweet your hubbie loves her too
I very much admire The Chris Hemsworth. I had to look up Travis Fimmel....... Oh My! Those blue eyes! Very Nice!Eeyore ~ Thank you for blowing in to offer advice on my avatar pic! It is a big decision. The stuffie pic made me think of you
Seeing two stuffies in one photo seems to have rattled Loverly....I think she had a bad experience with puppets in her past. I don't wanna know - somethings are best kept private! Glad you're still hanging with us!Queenie ~ If second story windows were meant to be cleaned from the outside, they would be on the first floor! Silly!
Wrenn ~ Raccies are generally more huff and puff than fight. I have heard that if a hunting dog chases one that the raccoon will draw it to water and drown it. If it's true, then it is fine by me. Hunting dogs are dangerous to critters and people. The only animal I am scared of is a possum. Nasty and viscous creatures. One of my cats way back when nearly died after being attacked by one. Hate 'em. There is bad stuff in all the wild animal poop. Things that can make people and pets sick. We try to encourage our visitors to stay on the other side of the fence now. Coyotes are bad everywhere now it seems. Two kitties have disappeared from our house here. One probably was a coyote, the other I am thinking was stolen.
Smaarty ~ Have fun in Tahoe! How is sick kitty? Does he travel with you?
Lookie ~ Put some meat on those bones! lol Never knew there were snakes and such neat rock formations in Canada - wow! Here if some one does you dirty we say you were hoo-doo'd!
Hope I didn't forget anyone - big wave to all!
HiHo was sweet to say I had cute feet. Had to look appropriate in today's foot pic........ Still pouffy and sore but not as bad..........
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sheps...I saw life of Pi....why didn't I understand it??? I live in a very black and white world...when it ended I was like...what!!!!!!!! That really didn't all happen.....kinda of like mobydick...whale, guy, obsession, the end. I don't like poetry or metaphors...just tell me what your thinking...don't make me figure it out...anhhhh
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and your foot does look a little better....still be kind to it
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Susan3: you didn't understant Life of Pi because it's hard to understand. Nothing to do with you.
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I took it to mean that people find it easier to believe in evil deeds and horrible experiences than to believe in a true miracle. I watched Life of Pi with DS and his friend. We had such a deep discussion afterwards. We each agreed Pi's first "story" was the true one 😊
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