INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Kathyindc- I will share some interesting parallels between two things I have gone through in life; the experience around a major loss of a family member and related grief process, and then when I got my cancer dx (and a whole lot of other bad things as mentioned previously). What I have noticed there seems to be a general time table on things like grief or recovery from cancer treatment by others, and have always found that to be very odd. I have never been one who appreciates being told how to feel about things by others or for how long.
At age 32, I had an older brother who became ill with a rare lung disease and who passed at age 40. We were very close and it turned my world upside down, along with the rest of the family. It took me a long time (maybe the rest of my 30's) to really heal from that loss. With time and grief counseling, I found my way through and even to live life a bit more purposefully. There were comments during this period about that loss, getting on with things, over it, etc. I learned then that people were not interested in dealing with my pain for very long. With time, many of them were in similar situations with the loss of someone they cared about and later commented how they never understood what I was going through until it happened to them. We can just see that as either un-relatable to them or just lack of empathy for others suffering.
With cancer treatment, I felt a lot of the same thing, except instead of it just being an emotional wound, there were the physical ones too. We end up with physical and emotional scars, some which the world will never see but that we live with. Never mind the longer term SEs. Recovering from cancer treatment takes years, it has for me. We are not the same after, just as you are not after the loss of a loved one. Forever changed, lives take on a different focus. But yet, there is a time table that seems to show up in these situations too. And again, I think that is odd.
The reason we are all still here on BCO is that it meets a need we all have on some level. To have community with others who are living in the post treatment world. To help sisters newly diagnosed in the ways many here helped us. To be with those living with cancer. We are here because this is a place that provides us support without a time table. Coming here is so refreshing to me in a world that is filled with "aren't you done with that yet?"
I appreciate all of you and thank you for being here too!
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Jazzygirl - Very well put and ((((HUGS2YOU))))!
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Tulip Thank you for the thoughts on Donnie. The thought putting him out this week as with each previous time is/was...he crossed the line of acceptability. I'm the comfortable one. He would have to go home to a single room apartment with no accoutrements. No warmth of anything.
We women truly make a home. Guys have no clue, unless they either have decorators or wife/mom helping. The exception is gay guys. They have generally great taste. I totally love gays guys. They are so interesting to talk too and never hit on you. Great decorators and taste. But I diverge.---------------BUT I totally dislike Modern Family. So not like any gays I ever met. UGH. Did a divergence again.
Tulip Contact Bride by PM. Talk about disability. You can start the process and stop it at any time. BUT the clock starts at the point of application. That's very important. I fought starting it for six months. It was a huge mistake. If I had started it when it was recommended, it would have saved money.
You can still work on disability. There's a "Ticket to work" program. It protects you from workplace discrimination.
You have no idea about outcome on the neuropathy. Please, start the process now. It means so much.
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Jazzy, so get your friend reacting strange. A dear cousin had BC now 20years ago(as my twin did and several relatives) , ML developed sarcoma of the Leg and was through chemo, then on hospice, then LIVED, then had more sarcoma with a recent amputation.
I invited her here to BCO. She declined. But she is very supportive of my posts on FB . So we are of like mind. I'd like her to be here b/c she could find "whatever"
Jazzy, I love your statement" Cancer is part of our story, not who we are". Within BCO we can find what we need. Unique to all other sites that I've seen
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Wren, when I googled it about armadillos's and the connection came up with leprosy and several other thing's, That;s why I got on the health department tract. and kept following the calls.
The one's that had a clue about the leprosy link, blew it off. UGH When case reports in Jacksonville had six reported cases.
Not sure who brought up the rabies concern, but that propelled the next phone call, and the next, and the next. It was a learning experience.
Dini is hot for the chase. One of the neighbors that ratted him out said he was coming up the street from the south. She called him and he came and she put him inside the gate.
That was the same night I put Donnie out, I thought Donnie took Dini with him. Then we found the carcass of the Armadillo in front of the wall the next morning.
The buzzards came in the afternoon, the children played. They disturbed the buzzards. The buzzards dragged it to a safer place to eat.
Duh, that was for Queenie. Dramatic, but absolutely true.
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Junie. DS Stephen is getting married on Feb 11th. So, we have two weddings going. Kathy's DD and my DS.
If you go to page one of the constipation thread, I have along explanation of diverticulosis. It's a combo of definitions, treatments and personal experience.
My Gi guy recommended after two bouts of divertic have the offending section taken out b/c it had shown that much malfunction/trouble etc. It indicated that worse trouble could happen i.e a blow out. That could mean a colostomy or death. I chose getting the offending section out based on that description.
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Jazzy, I know your message was directed at Kathy. but please consider placing it here too. It's the Just Diagnosed-Get Prepared thread. It's a tagged thread by the Mods. Not huge traffic. But if fulfills a purpose. Your words in this post must be preserved. It is the essence of BCO
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topics/748296?page=11#idx_318
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Up early enjoying coffee. Trying to figure out what I don't want to do today. lo
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Good morning friends!
Sassy- done, post added to the other thread and edited with a few more things for the newbees. Hope it helps.
Mommy- ha ha, I already know the things I don't want to do today including picking up my messy house!
Guess who jazzy is gong to see tonight in concert?
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Okay, I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face, in a good way. Jazzy, you started it..your story and your words. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. Your thoughts and insight are spot on, especially about long term SE's and the support without a timetable, and I'm grateful for this community.
Sass, Your concern and kindness really made the tears flow. The thought of disability has crossed my mind, but I have resisted. For one thing, I know there are others that are SO much worse than myself, and they deserve the funding. I see myself as strong, and wanting to provide for my children. Because my children were premature and have special needs, they receive SSI and I am part of a program that allows me to be their Personal Care Attendant. Instead of hiring someone to take them to their therapies and do my DD's tube feeding, for example, I get paid for these things. Each year we get assessed and a budget is set. My DS is improving in his daily living skills, like showering independently, so my budget will go down in 2017. (Because of these other income sources and a little child support, I'm able to work my part time lunch lady job, instead of something full time.) I already feel judged by some people because of the state assistance we receive, so it's hard for me to think of asking for more. But, I will think about what you said..that's how I roll..I have to absorb and ponder. I'll contact Bride this weekend. Thank you for caring!
Edited to add, I am NOT saying that those on disability are not strong, so I hope nobody thought that. In fact, it takes a strong person to say, enough..I need help.
Jazzy, I hope you have a fantastic time at the concert!!
Shep, Thinking of you as you recover.
I hope everyone has a peaceful Saturday. I'm doing laundry and then taking my kids to swimming lessons. They go to their dad's tonight and I'm planning to run a couple errands and then relax.
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JazzyJune- the only people who want to talk to cancer people are other cancer people, and if you are lucky, a few trusted friends and family members. I told few people about my dx for professional reasons as I already know the hard way about people taking chit about others with their community. It even happened with someone who was a trusted friend and later confessed she had been discussing my health issues with a card group with people from a job where we once met. That was a game changer for me, and that friendship just dissolved after that. I used to have to listen to everyone else's cancer stories from her too. So that was a two fer release for me, sparing myself a gossiper and the endless C stories about everyone else. I was always waiting for the "and how are you doing?" but never got that. Don't miss that one at all. Life is too short to waste time with people who need to make everything about them, right?
I am very grateful that my mother taught me to "lean in" and help those in need, whether they are sick, old, disabled, etc. I have never been afraid of these things, one of the few that shows up in the worst of times. My parents were such good samaritans, liked to help others. I wish I could tell them now what a good lesson they taught me.
How is that hip doing and the Div too? Are you feeling better?
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Now you both made me tearful Jazzy and WildT.
Still waiting here also for ShepK to check in.
Ms. Sas, good thing you were (and still are a nurse). Yuck....all that blood. My first thought with the dead armadillo was rabies. Gosh, I would have a panic attack. You know it was not my foot in your face in Shep's pocket. It was probably Junie's. Talk about that. Miss JunieB, are you wearing your brace today?
I lov you ladies!!
Grateful for a new day.
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This is for Junie & Queenie and any other knitters out there. It was originally posted by ruthbru on the cats thread.
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Jazzy, I'm so sorry for all you've had to endure. Life's lesson are an eye opener.
Learned a long time ago how so called friends will abandon you. Made me very leery about accepting new friendships. Hubby, notice I don't use DH, did a complete turn around with my dx. Went from somewhat concerned to downright nasty. Was upset that my BS had me come for a six month and 18 month follow up. Thought it was totally uncalled for. And God forbid if I get a shooting pain, which still occasionally happens. I literally get, "you don't have cancer any more, get over it." To that I reply "No s..t Sherlock!" So many hurtful comments have been said to me by the one person who should have shown the most compassion. I use to love the cold, but since surgery four years ago, I don't tolerate it at all. I got, "You can't possibly be cold." It took forever telling him not to tell me what I feel. I don't look upon him as a support person for me any longer because too many times over these past four years things have come back to bite me in the a$$. That is one reason why I stay here on the boards. You ladies have been there, done that so you know what we are going through and show such compassion for each other, with no judgment I thank you for that plus, I learn so much, still
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Ms. Wren, very cute!
Kathi, I am sorry your hubby lacks the understanding of what you are going through. Here is an iron skillet to smack some sense into him. After you are done give it to ShepK to do the same to Stupid Fart Face for putting her through grief prior to surgery.
I know what you meant about not tolerating the cold and the shooting pain after MX. The coldness takes shorter time to hit me and I get uncontrolled shivering until I am warmed. I don't hear very many people complain about this. I thought it was just me about the cold until now.
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I am alive! Went in for operation at yesterday at 1:45 p.m. or so. Procedures took 4 hours. All went well and no bonus parts or new injuries incurred. Post Op took 2 hours. Got home at 11 last night. Doing pretty good so far.....sore and woozy still. Pain isn't any worse than if I were having a really bad day. Doc said I should be noticing a big difference in my pain and hopefully numbness by tonite.
Sassy ~ My surgical team this go 'round was awesome! Anesthesia guy suggested I might like Toradol!!!!!! Remember Opiates don't work for me and only make me pukey? Fentanyl was only used in the IV to insert the breathing tube for surgery. After that they used a mix of Tylenol and a different drug (can't remember name) that was like Toradol but stronger. Big difference in recovery time! I wasn't so disoriented, pain was tolerable and only a little nauseous. Yay!
Thank you all for "being" with me - my pockets were bulging! Feeling all that squirming around was very reassuring. Naughty Loverly! Don't blame JunieB for poor Sassy getting kicked! And I won't say anything about the puddles of drool soaking through my pockets. My goodness there were some cuties on my surgical team - most all of them well under 30! I swear my two brilliant anesthesia guys were just out of high school 😱
Jazzy started it and ya'll added to it ~ I too have teary eyes - for each of your sorrows and also for all the shared wisdom, strength and the joys found in everyday. I love you all and am so honored to be part of the Owlie Sisterhood.
💜💜💜💜💜
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Kath - Dang. Your husband is a PHH.......Pecker Head Husband 💩
(((hugs))) Sister 😟
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I will try to take time to post at length soon. Right now typing feels too much like talking and talking hurts. My cousin brought home the best burgers in town and the mustard burned my mouth. One of my teeth has chipped and the sharp edge has worn a sore inside my upper lip. I had my latest CT scan yesterday and I'll see the oncologist Monday. Then I can make an appointment to work on the teeth. Hopefully.
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Mags - Ouch..... Have you tried orthodontic wax to cover the chipped tooth? It's mainly used for braces to protect the inside of the mouth from getting cut. You could mold it onto the sharp tooth. Any drug store would carry it - Walgreen's and CVS do for sure. Sorry you are still in so much pain 😞
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ShepK: They didn't even let you stay for a night for spine surgery? Maybe we should not be so noisy in your pocket. So glad your are out of hospital so soon! You are back to the careing person for others. Bless you!
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Shep good to hear you are home. I am surprised that they didn't keep you overnight, but sleeping in your own bed is always better. Funny how the doctors keep getting younger. My surgeons and anesthesiologist have all been women.
Loverly lol at the frying pan. Have to say ladies my husband is the exact opposite , he tends to smother and is a big time worrier, I have to talk him down on many occasions. My kids always joked before my diagnosis , that they hoped he would go before me, because he is going to drive them crazy. He passed out in the bs office when she said I needed a mastectomy, he is very upset when I go in for surgery. I prefer that he doesn't come toappointments with me, he tends to take over the conversation , he also tattles on me. We are total opposites , I like to get the facts, make a plan and move on.
Shep and Kath sounds like your DH resent you for being sick, who needs this. I bet everyone on this board who has had treatment or is in treatment would not react this way to another ill person.
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Mags hope you get some relief soon, teeth problems are not fun. The wax Shep suggested sounds like a good idea. It is a little cool here today, tonight's supper is cabbage rolls, corned beef and perogies.
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Now did they really discharge you on the same day or you were booted for your mischief ? Well I am glad you are in the comfort of your home. May the Great Physician heal you.
Aw Mags...such misery you are in. Can't imagine having teeth pain day in and out. So sorry.
Forward, your DH tattles on you too? Hahaha. I have to admit my DH has been supportive from the beginning. He cried along with my surgeon on our first visit. I forgot why now? The only thing is he gets "jealous" when I am on BCO too long. Nobody is perfect
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Oh forgot to say that I am coming over for dinner, Forward. How are you doing?
ShepK, I know how you love the beach. Since you will be home bound for awhile...
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mommy 2, condolences for you and your family . Hard times
Lover, have you tried raw dog food?? Some swear by it . Piercing....can't they think of another way to spread their wings...lol
Jazzyjune, poor hip...glad the brace makes you feel safer. Thanks for the knit pics link...
Queenie, you don't need anymore yarn. Remember I saw your collection..you are a store
Kathindc, wedding planning is fun and a good stressful. We did our daughters in a friends beautiful 5 acre land. Tree and ponds...it was picture perfect day. Good luck to you..enjoy
Sheps, yeah your home. Glad it went well. I was very quiet in your pocket...it wasn't me who got you kicked out in a day. They kept my hubby for 2 days.....it was a good thing. My coddling skills are lacking
Wildtulip, neuropathy , yuck. Have had it great 6 years. Different experience with different chemos. Uggs shoes help.
Jazzy, fun concert
Mags, good luck with mouth problems . Yuck.
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Hi ladies- well certainly did not mean to bring the house down and make anyone cry. Those were just some of my experiences with a few. That being said, I had ALL kinds of help through the years through difficult times. Including through bc and then some. That is what I have learned to focus on through all the hardship who cares, who shows up, who matters in my life. I think some of you know who you can count on in your communities. Although I have the ability to forgive, I don't waste my time with people who don't care and never will once I have that figured out. Just step out of the way and let them walk on by. Life will present them their own lessons in time.
And ladies with the less than ideal DH's, I am sorry you are not better supported by your partners. Some men are just not good about others being sick. I am single so did not have to deal with that, but have had not great experiences with some of my men in the past during difficult times in my life. Its a crap shoot with the opposite sex sometimes.
Shep- good to hear you are on the other side of surgery. I hope you get some good painkillers that won't upset your tummy.
Mags- good to hear from you and sorry about the dental problems. The burgers sounded yummy. Wishing you a good apt on Monday with no progression.
It is a lovely day here and heading out to see my friend for adult beverages before the concert. Wishing you all a pleasant evening.
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Lover, yup that pan should just about do it!
Shep, take it easy. Can't believe they sprung you so quickly.
Jazzy, have fun tonight. Should be a good show.
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Loverly I am doing well, I glad I had the surgery done.
Susan and WIldtulip I also suffer with neuropathy, it has not been great this week. Hot flashes make it worse, as well as exercising to a lesser degree. Have either of you tried acupuncture? I seem to go in cycles with the hot flashes this week they have been stronger
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Kath:
Jazzy, the burger place makes one with roasted Hatch green chiles and pepper jack cheese. Had it a few weeks ago. Nearly killed me mouth but oh so good!
Shep, sending DH out to CVS right now.
Doc has increased pain meds to 10mg hydrocodone with 200mg ibuprofen. Acetaminophen does nothing for me. However, our local Walgreen's would not accept it and sent dh across town to a different one to get it filled. Sheesh.
Headache is raging tonight. It put me in bed about 4, I had a fitful nap and strange dreams, then woke up when dh came to bed. Now hurting again. Most of the mouth pain is not from teeth but from bone from the faslodex. Well, two more days.
Hope y'all get some sleep
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I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one cold all the time. I'm sitting in my heated house with a long-sleeved T, a hooded sweatshirt and a big piece of fleece wrapped around me. I'll be this way all winter probably. And it doesn't really get that cold here.
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