INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours
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Hi friends, thank you so much for the comments and hugs. I'll come back and write more later. My kids go to their dad's every Sat eve - Sun eve and go to a church with him. This morning is their Christmas program, so I am joining at them at their church. I was SO hoping it would be cancelled because it's -30 to -45 wind chills today, but I haven't gotten a call, so I guess it's on.
Love and hugs.
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Thanks all for the congrats.
Wild, I have a similar relationship with my mom. She acts like she did so much for me and my siblings when we were growing up. That is a total fabrication! All she did was used each of us kids as a way to get money to have her fun when we started working. My older siblings got to the point where they still loved her because she was our mom but they wanted nothing to do with her. I tried for many years to play peacemaker with people she has hurt by her actions, I got to the point where I gave up. I talk to her maybe a couple of times a week if I am lucky but I have gotten to be like my older siblings, I want a relationship from a distance with her.
As far as today goes, its raining here
So much for the chances for a white Christmas!!!0 -
Mommy2.... thanks for sharing.... I'm amazed at how many of us had similar child-hoods....You take care!
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Loverly, That Bear Hug was awesome!
Please, DO be blunt..always. That's the best way to be. No, I had not ever heard that phrase. You are right, I'm sure. When I was about 5 my dad married a sweet woman, and she died in a car crash when I was 17. In the spring I told my dad it wasn't okay to say things about me on facebook, and his response was that he couldn't help what he says because he has PTSD from my step-mom's death. Even though he married two more times after that, I do believe that he is still hurting, BUT I don't think it's reason to hurt others.Wren, I'm sorry you lost your mom young. That's great your grandparents stepped in to be there for you.
Shep, Thank you. I'm going to print that quote.
Junie, I'm sorry about the poor relationship with your mom.
Mommy, I'm sorry about your mom too.
Chevy, You sound like a protective mamma bear! Thank you for the love. Yes, you're right..I have heard my dad say the line, "Because I'm your Father..." He says it with a laugh that you know is not real, and that he does really have that attitude. I haven't Un-friended him, but in the spring I did block my dad. He cannot see my page or posts and I unfollowed him so that I don't see his. I can choose to go to his page, but rarely do. Funny frying pan story...although I believe some details were inflated..my dad was a drunk when I was young and supposed to be quitting. Well that story goes that he came home drunk one night and my step mom was so mad she smacked him with an iron frying pan and that he passed out on the front steps. He got sober after that. He could use another smack upside the head!! That was a beautiful story you told about your "other" daughter. She is lucky to have had your family growing up. I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself in the fall. The Tale of Two Wolves video is SO powerful, and so real. I'm going to save that for when I need a reminder. Thank you for that.
MammaRay, Thanks for the PM.
Thank you all for your love and support..I'm feeling better just being able to express myself and after hearing from each of you. Even though I didn't want to go out in the cold, it was good for me. Picture coming.
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DS did not want to be in the Christmas program this year. DD was an Angel.
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I see 2 Angels 😇
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I also see two very happy and prescious Angels.
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This has been a POWERFUL, healing thread for me and for many others who've read it.
Nobody comes from a "perfect" family, and some are way more dysfunctional than others. I was fortunate that I had many "surrogate" mothers in my neighborhood. Neither of my parents were that affectionate with us. My dad (who drank most of the time) was actually more affectionate than my mom, but he was very abusive.
I remember when my neighborhood friends would go on vacation in the summer, I would just go visit some of the older women on my street, or the adjacent street. I'd bring them flowers from our yard, and we'd sit there and chat. One lady, Gladys, would always make us tea. Another lady, Alice, taught me how to knit, and another, Bertha, how to garden. One of my most HURTFUL memories was when my brand new 10-speed Schwinn bike was stolen from the high school bike cage. The thieves stole a whole bunch of bikes that Friday afternoon, the police said. All that was left, was a link from the chain I used to lock it up with. I had to take the bus home, crying the whole way. I don't even want to tell you how MEAN my mom was about it - absolutely no comfort or sympathy at all. I literally had to leave and go next door to my best friend's house where her mom, Madeline, took me into her bedroom, sat me down on her bed, held me in her arms, and just let me cry for a whole hour. Then she prayed with me. (Gees, tears are rolling down my cheeks now just remembering all that.) It took a LONG time for me to forgive my mom. When her soft tissue sarcoma came back, I thought, "God is punishing you for being such a bitch, Mom. You're going to die a miserable death for the way you treated us." And indeed, she did. But I take no comfort or satisfaction from that, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her, even if she wasn't all that demonstrative or loving at times. She had five kids...by the time I came along I guess she was just too exhausted and ready to give the whole "motherhood" thing up.
We all have our stories, but eventually we have to let it go and "try" to forgive them.
Chevy and Lover have such wonderful words of wisdom here. We can all take comfort in that.
Off to make cookies and decent memories with my daughter.
Blessings to you all,
Lita
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Lita.... I know........... I have tears in my eyes for you.......... I think I was lucky, because somehow, or for some reason I have very few memories of growing up... The few things I remember, were short and sweet.
I remember one time, me and my little brother mowed and raked a neighbor's lawn... He gave Kenny a dime, but since I was a girl, I only got a nickel. I cried, and no-one cared. Then I remember running across the street to a neighbor's house, because Mom & Dad were beating each other up.... Now I can't remember what happened... but I was terrified at the time.
So lost memories are what protects us..... I WANTED to be close to my Mom.... but she just seemed so distant! I was just close to my Brother, and to this day, we still are.... and we think alike. He was my rock, after Mom passed away, and then Dad.... We had to clean out their house.... all their memories, clothes....and I took home all that I could. I remember leaving SF.... The baggage counter was going through one of my heavy suit-cases.... I just started crying, because Dad's pillow was stuffed in there, and fell out with some of his "stuff".... I told him that was my Dad's things, I had just lost him...... The clerk just said never mind, and put it all back in...
So hard leaving their "home".... everything was gone...... But you just go on...... back to living your own life.
I miss them too Lita.... Because we are a part of them.... whether it is good or bad memories....they are ours. Yes! Go make some memories! xoxo.
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And thus, I declare an end to Somber Sunday............
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HI ladies.
Shep love your post, I copied it and I am going to send it to my daughter.
My daughter asked me a couple of weeks ago why I am not upset like some of my sisters about my childhood. I told her it was in the past and I am moving forward. I also realize my parents where very unhappy, I would love to go back in time with some happy dust
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Thanks, Chevy, Shep and Lookforward for your kind thoughts.
I'll never know why my mom was so mean to me about losing my bike...I spent that entire summer cleaning people's houses and doing neighbors' yard work to buy that new bike with my very own money. My dad was so CHEAP...whenever any of us outgrew a smaller bike and needed a new one, he'd go to the city DUMP and find one there, then give it to us after he changed the bike seat and handle bar grips....GEEEEZZ! Huffy's and Stingray's weren't that expensive back in those days, for criminy sakes. It's not like we asked for Gitanes, Shimanos, or other high-end bikes.
But in his defense, at least my dad was more sympathetic about my stolen bike then my mom was because he UNDERSTOOD how hard I worked for it that year. HE was the one who helped me fill out the police report, and HE was the one who went down to the police dept. for several weeks in a row asking if the detectives had any leads on the bike thieving ring.
Don't get me wrong...I love both my parents, and a couple of my brothers and I have indeed forgiven them b/c we realize they did the best they could at the time, coming from their own dysfunctional families. Both parents grew up during the Great Depression, and got thru World War II. When he was five years old, my dad lost his father to a massive stroke. His mom had to work as a maid...not an easy thing during the Depression. But unless you try really hard to break the cycle, you will eventually raise your own kids the way you were raised.
I'm sure my own DD has memories of me that make her wince. None of us is perfect, no matter how hard we try. We can never totally meet another's expectations. It's that way in marriage, too. I try to treat my husband w/dignity and respect...but every once in a while, my mom's harsh words and criticisms come out. I always try to cut them off as soon as they burst out of my mouth, but you can never "un-say" something hurtful, no matter how many times you apologize. We've been together for almost 28 years, so I must be doing something right...
.Time to sprinkle happy dust and clean up my kitchen.
Lita
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Just poking my head in to say hello ladies. Been tired and busy with work, Christmas shopping. Check in and lurk daily, but my brain has been too tired to post. Sending good thoughts to you all.
Brandi
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me too sensi, sorry I haven't posted much. Pooped from a great vacation, working hard and chemo. Nausea and fatigue and the holiday is just beginning. Praying fior strength. Feel yucky and gots lots to do.
Sorry I am about 10 pages behind. Can't catch up. Hope everyone is well
Night night
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Don't stay up too late and exhaust yourself, Mammaray. You need your rest. Nobody wants to get sick around Christmas cuz they did too much.
Been there and know better....
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WildT - beautiful kids. Beautiful photo.
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Sharing my difficult relationship with my Mom has helped because I thought I was the only one who was going through this.
Finishing my coffee and watching the episode of MASH where Col. Potter takes command
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I'm trying to remember, or find that picture, about 2 twin sons, growing up with an alcoholic Father...... One was asked why he got drunk and beat his wife, and he said "Because I watched my Father do it..." The other Son was asked why he DIDN'T beat his wife, or get drunk.....
HE said "BECAUSE I WATCHED MY FATHER DO IT."
So I think we DO learn sometimes to be something "better" than we were raised... To do things differently, because we went through those dark years, hating everything that was going on......... And whether on purpose, or by the grace of God, we become the person we want to be.... because we had a choice!
We went through abuse, or watched it, not even knowing it was wrong..... But you grow older, and know how it hurt everyone around... So you become that person that you never knew.... ! You become the opposite of what you saw....
When I was about 12, I asked my friend.... "Don't your folks ever fight?" Because I loved to spend time at her house.... She said she didn't think so....... So I knew that everybody didn't do it! That every Dad wasn't like mine was.... but I thought we were just normal.
So we grow up, and move on! And we make our lives what we want them to be....So in that way, we learned a LOT from our Parents....
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So true Chevy!!!!
From what I have been told, my Daddy was very different. I try to be like him so much
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happy Monday!
Lover, are you on your way to HA now, can't remember which day you said you were leaving. I'm jealous, don't like the cold makes my chest hurt more.
Speaking of which, I'm seeing my PS and talk about removing the implants in March. Can't do it sooner because of sewing retreats I've already paid for. Plus it's a good time to do nothing in April and May with nothing planned for those months. I know a few of you here went flat. Any words of wisdom?
WildT, your kids are great. Funny how much taller your son is. Has he passed you up? How's the exchange going?
Hi Sensi, sorry you're so tired. Do you get time off for Christmas? The four of us will have to get together again next year. Poppy, how's the DH doing and Gus?
Mommy, congrats on your grade. Are you doing more classes in the spring?
Mags, where are you?
Susan, take it easy kiddo, you want to be there for a lot more Christmases with Elena.
Chevy, my granddaughter and her family are living by you now in ft Collins. I miss seeing Evie. They are coming here in February so that's good.
Hi to everybody else. Got to go buy cookies to decorate with the grandkids. DD was suppose to make them but ran out of time and energy.
Bb
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Smarty, I am going to take a break for a bit from classes.
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I've been flat from the beginning. It's ok, I'm used to it now. Never had any comments maybe a few funny looks.
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Guess where I am.
Actually, still waiting to get off the plane to catch another flight to Kona. Aloha Hawaii!!!
Wish you all could be here with me. BB
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Smaarty, here I am, still flat on my back after last chemo. Sweet Beatmon brought me a blonde wig - came by in the frigid cold to deliver it, bless her heart. About going flat - several threads around. My experience, no one notices. Even though I was 44DDD. They're like, did you do something different with your hair?
Lumbar mets are acting up something fierce. I have degenerative disc disease, so I normally have pain there, this is different, intense. With the ddd, lying down eases it. I lay down with this, almost went thru the roof. Oh my.
Waves at everyone. Typing takes too much energy
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I'm so sorry Mags........... Saying a prayer for you....xoxoxo
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Oh, Mags, I hear you about the lumbar mets! Hate 'em!! I have degenerative arthritis, four bulging discs, four compression fractures AND bone mets to boot in my lumbar area. It aches all the time, but it especially hurts right when I get up from a chair. I'm humped over like the wicked witch in Hansel & Gretel for a few minutes until the pain and stiffness ease up. T3-T4 area is acting up too...last scan showed the mets as being "more prominent" according to MO. She said it was probably cuz the scanner machine was newer and it made them more easily visible. Progression wasn't anything to worry about at that point, she said....yeah, EZ for her to say! She doesn't have to live w/the pain. Another scan is scheduled for Feb, so we shall see.
Sorry you're in so much pain
(. Hope it's not pinching nerves - - I've had that b4, and it practically makes you scream.Does heat help you? I have a La-Z-Boy w/heat and massage, and that really helps me. Sometimes I sleep in the damn chair to get a little relief. What does your doc have you taking for pain? Rx iboprofen does nothing for me, and Norco just makes my liver enzymes go thru the roof, so I vape w/cannabis when I can't take it anymore.
Praying for relief for you, my dear. We're in the 30s here in Nor Cal, and the cold might be making mine worse. Ya never know...
Lita
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Interesting about the pain relief, or lack of. DH has 2 crushed vertebrae, T 3&4 most likely. Most likely bone mets from prostate ca. Is going for nuclear scan We'd. Was curious about pain relief for it. Any feedback would be appreciated.
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