Single life after a mastectomy
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ah it was thanks giving for all of you .
I forgot, hope you all had a good Turkey dinner?
Canada thanks giving was in October a d I did not celebrate in the sense I did not go to anybody's place where there could be Turkey
I think I only did the thanks giving celebration once at Julie's place years ago when her and her man first got the house together .
Yes I agree I am ok alone. Last thing i need is drama. If I feel like any I just reach my siblings and they can share some drama. My poor country Vzla is ech day worse.
I just can't believe December is almost here
I cant help it feeling down this coming month I just hope I ll get busy with my craft so the days go by fast.Have a great week ladies
Keep positive 2019 will be a better year
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Hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgivings, whether you visited friends or simply enjoyed a restful day off.
Enerva - Sorry to hear that your family is still having drama in Venezuela. It's a beautiful country. I hope the troubles there are resolved one day soon.
This time of year always makes me feel sad, too. The days are too short and the nights long, but I'm trying to stay positive here, too, about 2019.
Have a good week!
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Hope you had a good holiday greyeyes. I am working thru a tough head cold but did make it to dinner with my friends on Thursday
I am behind on everything right now 😖
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Sorry to hear about the head cold, Jazzy. Hope you feel better soon!
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I haven't been on here in too long! How is everyone doing? I am more than a year out of DX (at the age of 33) and just had my second mastectomy with expander placement a week ago. Got the last drain out today. Yessss! I can't wait to have my final implants in and have this crap over. But life is good.
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hi sorry I haven't been here in a while
Hope all doing well and ready for another year near by.
TCookie hope you are feeling well now a d that the healing part is over for your expander to do its job. Also hope you get the implant soon.
Greyeyes thanks for the words yes Vzla is going through hard times specially now at Christmas but keeping positive that the country will see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Jazz I love all the pictures you share at the garden tread, thanks for sharing
Sending you all a big hug
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Enerva - Hugs to you, too. Thanks for checking in. Hoping for a healthy new year for you, your family, and everyone here.
TCookie - Good luck with everything. Yes, it's a relief after the final surgery.
Hoping all of you here enjoy the holidays.
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Blessings to everyone here this holiday season. Best wishes in the new year!
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Same to you, Jazzy. :-)
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Bump... I'm single, 41, 2 older sons (15 & 20), and am curious about dating with my dx. I was diagnosed in April and have started treatment. Prior to that, I had been pretty active on internet dating sites, and now, I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm very upfront with my diagnosis... it's a helpful tool to use when I want to let a guy down: "Sorry, I'm not dating now, I have cancer!" On the other side, there are some men who don't at all seem phased by my dx. And honestly, these are the guys I have to wonder about. If you are hounding a girl (that you haven't even met yet!) with cancer to go out with you, what does that say about you? Or the dating pool of the town I'm in? Have any of y'all been on the dating scene while undergoing treatment?
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yes I dated a little bit. I did not play the cancer card at all - after all why you are on a dating site if you can not date. Mostly I used it as a chatroom though - there were no local people I would be interested in so I was talking to guys who lived miles away. Had an encounter with one of them - with a bald head under a wig and no boob. Was not the most exciting sexual experience of my life, was a bit of a disaster so I thought I better stop dating until I look more normal.
Mind , a disaster was not because I had cancer- I had quite a few of them after as well when I looked and felt normal. It was part of a learning experience about sex and dating. But that first disaster upset me at the time.
If one just dates normally I do not see how dating with cancer is much different from dating while having a young child or dating while changing jobs or whatever other particular circumstances of one are.
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Hi there - been away for awhile but wanted to share that Enerva lost her battle last week on 9/11.
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Oh no, sad to hear. Rip
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Hi pink sisters.
I'm just curious that how you guys deal with sex while dating or in a relationship?
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I would see if a Nipple Sparing Mastectomy with Prepectoral Implants is an option for you. I just look like I got a breast augmentation. Very nice outcome. Try going to a university hospital in your state as they have the latest and greatest treatments with the best aesthetic outcomes
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Tammykh, that is what I want to know, too. I've been on dating sites throughout my treatment, but basically just use it as chat space, as I've either been too tired or too uninterested in going out with anyone. Part of that, I know, stems from the fact that I'm scared about how I'll look/ feel after my double mastectomy. I'll be smaller, with even more scars (I already had a keloid beauty down my side from a bus wreck). I've always been comfortable in my skin, so this self-conscious thing is new to me, and I don't like it. I feel like that is going to interfere with my sex life more than anything.
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Hi ladies- this thread sort of waned awhile ago but I pop in from time to time. With respect to dating, I want to just say the whole thing is bit scary after any kind of breast cancer surgery. I ended up with double lumpectomies, and so I just have a bit of scarring and some changes from that. But I really did not feel too comfortable sharing my body with anyone for a long time. It was a good five years after my surgery before that even happened, although I had dabbled with some dating prior to that.
I am not sure how old you are, but I am in my late 50s, and was 52 when I was diagnosed. One thing most of us middle aged types have at this point in life (men and women) is some kind of health issue and often many of us have scars and changes to our bodies as a result of medical care. The person I was with had had a major abdominal surgery and some changes to his body too, so we sort of came together on equal footing. I was nervous to tell him my story, and waited until I was sure I felt enough trust to share what had gone on. He was very kind about everything and although there was not enough commonality for us to be able to stay together for the longer term, I was glad I was with someone kind for that first time jumping back into the pool.
Some women on this thread in the past have been very honest with potential partners and let them know up front about their cancer. There was even a gal here for awhile that started dating someone while she was in the midst of treatment. So the way women handle this with dating runs the gamut. I just encourage you to do what feels right for you. Share early or wait to share, whatever feels best as part of your own healing process.
Good luck. Cancer or not, everyone deserves to have love in their lives.......
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hi
I am looking for anybody from Toronto or GTA to meet for tea or coffee.
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OMG! So nice to see familiar names! I cannot believe all of you are still here! Hey everyone! Been a hot minute. I had to log in to get some information because I am awful at remembering dates.
I hope all are as well as can be. I wish I had time to catch up on every ones life.
Things for me have been upsy downsy, too much life going on since C. One thing after another it seems. And I am in the middle of something HUGE-hence the gathering of dates.
I think of all of you often
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Ha This thread is as unpredictable as it was back then huh?
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Hi everyone. I recently started to date someone for the first time after my mastectomy in July 2019. He was someone I met by chance in a store who approached me - i.e. I wasn't looking for it, but it happened. Three weeks later on the third date, I told him about the breast cancer and mastectomy and his attitude completely changed - from being so into me to being the opposite. He said his feelings might grow and so we continued to get together but his feelings never grew beyond platonic ones despite having some sexually intimate experiences and despite my giving him the best of myself. Finally after months of this unrequited situation and feeling a constant sense of rejection on a romantic level, he made it clear he sees me as just a friend and it looks that that would never change. This whole experience has been devastating to say the least.
I have recently done online speed dating - and have been talking to several guys who showed interest in me. But I'm so nervous about how they will react when and if they know about my breast cancer/mastectomy. I didn't worry before I had the experience with the guy I met in the store and couldn't imagine that it would be a deal breaker for him because I know how much I have to offer in a relationship (everything). But it was and now I realize I was naive. Now I need to tread more carefully, guard my heart, and as someone here said, be more thick-skinned so I don't get crushed emotionally again if I am rejected. I do believe there is someone out there for me and am encouraged by some of the stories on here so we shall see. It is a guessing game at the moment.0 -
Hi everyone. I recently started to date someone for the first time after my mastectomy in July 2019. He was someone I met by chance in a store who approached me - i.e. I wasn't looking for it, but it happened. Three weeks later on the third date, I told him about the breast cancer and mastectomy and his attitude completely changed - from being so into me to being the opposite. He said his feelings might grow and so we continued to get together but his feelings never grew beyond platonic ones despite having some sexually intimate experiences and despite my giving him the best of myself. Finally after months of this unrequited situation and feeling a constant sense of rejection on a romantic level, he made it clear he sees me as just a friend and it looks that that would never change. This whole experience has been devastating to say the least.
I have recently done online speed dating - and have been talking to several guys who showed interest in me. But I'm so nervous about how they will react when and if they know about my breast cancer/mastectomy. I didn't worry before I had the experience with the guy I met in the store and couldn't imagine that it would be a deal breaker for him because I know how much I have to offer in a relationship (everything). But it was and now I realize I was naive. Now I need to tread more carefully, guard my heart, and as someone here said, be more thick-skinned so I don't get crushed emotionally again if I am rejected. I do believe there is someone out there for me and am encouraged by some of the stories on here so we shall see. It is a guessing game at the moment.
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Gilliber, don't assume that the cancer/mx had anything to do with his feeling for you. Most if not all women (without C), or men for that matter, have gone through the "just wanna be friends" thing. I have not dated in years, decided I wanted to stay single, but after my BC I did some dating and that was not my experience in fact I was the one doing the rejection.
It is unfortunate this site is not more active so others could chime in and share their experiences.
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Idk. It does kind of sound like this particular guy felt some kind of way about it. I dated a guy for 3 years right after my double mastectomy. He was not bothered a single bit by my cancer or the appearance of my body (DIEP/TRAM reconstruction). His adult son was *hmpf*
Right now, I am just not interested in anything romantic for various reasons. And the men that have approached me, well, they seem to want to jump ahead 10 steps and just boom, relationship. *But* they don't know about my cancer or how bad it was.
NotBrokenJustBent, yea, kind of miss the old days when the site was more active. Really helped me through a lot
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Simplicity, I was sorry to hear that your relationship with that fella fell apart. As I recall you were having issues with his children accepting you and sharing their father's time and affection. I had thought that would resolve in time. Well for what it is worth he got you through some very tough times. Mine broke up with me via text as I lie in hospital after having my breast lopped off. Ugh...what a guy.
Yes, this forum got me through some dark days. I still email Jazz and don't know if you heard but Enerva passed away. I still think of that sweet girl daily and she remains an inspiration to me.
My last date was over 4 years ago. I had been dating around and was fine as long as I was not interested in a relationship but this one man I really liked. I enjoyed his company immensely, he was sooooo funny and just my type but the closer we got the more scared I became. Apparently i wasn't ready plus there was a lot going on in my life. We left the relationship open ended and when I was ready I would let him know. We texted now and then, I liked to know he was still out there and interested, and I told him once I moved and got all settled in I wanted to have him over for a nice dinner. Guess I waited too long because 6 months later he no longer texted me back. 🤷 Since, I have had absolutely no interest in dating though I do miss male companionship, meaning friendship, but that never works.
So I am going on 8 years since dx and surgery. I am grateful but not the same person I was and not in a good way. I look and feel 1000 years old but blessed to be alive and well. I have become The Crazy Cat Lady. I have adopted one and fostered many. It gives me purpose. 😹
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Good morning all....not that it's a good one here haha but hey, it's a new day, so it has potential already.
NotBrokenJustBent yea it got pretty bad. The last straw was his 26yr old son saying something so bad dad wouldn't even repeat it or correct the behavior let alone say something about it.
I remember
What an asshat!6 yrs here 3/31 and still have plenty of issues. I had heard about Enerva. Sweetest lady. Still hard, even as an adult, to grasp loss sometimes.
I began Dragonboating 4 years ago, hence my absence between that and working and dealing with workplace discrimination against my BC. Awful awful awful.
As far as dating. Bleh. About all I got lol
I have a grand daughter!!!!! My 27 yr old son finally met a nice lady and her daughter just turned 4. They have moved in and I have very few minor complaints. I feel like I hit the soon to be daughter in law lottery, so I am just trying to focus on these 2 new relationships.
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Hello Simplicity. Dragonboating, hah, I joined a BC team. It was suppose to be fun and chill but it wasn't and they would get yelling at me. ☹️ I was paddling as fast as I could but apparently not good enough.Talk about competitive, yikes. Yeah, that little hobby and bonding time with my "sisters" did not play out.
Well for what it is worth, your ex is destined to be alone so no need to log onto FB to periodically check his status.
As for me I am alone but never was lonely until very recently. I guess winter and Covid has taken it's toll and being a recluse shut in has gotten very old. I have never been so anxious for Spring. I just got my first vaccine on Sunday. Yay! but what an ordeal getting an appointment and thereafter was. Not sure I will go back, it was a 4 hour ordeal and hundreds of us were herded like cattle through multiple mile long lines by National Guard personnel. It was all very strange and so much for social distancing. It was seriously bizarre.
Congrats on a grand child and how nice they are staying with you. Ahhhhh...I would love that! My son was dating a nice girl with a young baby. I became very attached to the girl but especially the child. It broke my heart when the relationship fell apart and my poor son was broken. Double whammy. He not only lost the girl but it was the child that was especially hard for him to say good bye to. Well I never wanted to be a Gma but I must admit I fell into the role nicely. I think I would be a good one. Maybe someday.
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Good morning..NotBrokenJustBent
Sadly, the exh died 11/27.
Sorry to hear that but I get it. Holidays are here now, and well, I am at the lowest point in my 47 year long life. Crazy how things go.
Yea, I didn't last either. Too much drama and 'clicks'. I have never done well with either.
Hope all are well
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Meh, things here are not that great but what else is new.
When it comes to single life, not sure how you all manage when it comes to procedures and/or operations where you need rides after anesthesia. I have two children but they don't have benefits for time off and I don't have the financial resources to supplement their loss income. I also have an ankle that needs an operation which I won't be having as it is an eight week recovery. 4 weeks in wheelchair and thereafter 4 weeks in cast so absolutely no driving. I have no one to care for me while in wheelchair and no one to drive me around like Miss Daisy. Anyway, more and more I am dependent on others yet no one to depend on. My PCP just yelled at me that I am behind on an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I got a little pissy back and said unless you are willing to drive me best back off. Hospitals and clinics won't release one to an Uber or Taxi so any other bright ideas? That shut her up.
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notbrokenbutbent: I'm single and that is always a problem for me too. Once, I had planned to pay a homeless man to come into the hospital to check me out. If we had gone outside, I would have given him his money and I would have taken my Uber home. I didn't have to do that luckily. Another time, I did check myself out of the hospital "AMA". It's just a form to end hospital liability. When I had my second lumpectomy, I told my surgeon I didn't have a ride. She said no problem, if she kept me overnight, they don't care how I get home. Funny since I was heavily medicated when I left in the Uber. Another option that I have used is to 'rent' a companion from a nursing servce. You will have to pay for a few hours and they will pick you up at the hospital. It was worth the cost to get someone to help me. Good luck trying to work out the details.
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