Single life after a mastectomy
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Good morning ladies.
milky I am so sorry for how you feel, when I met you I saw a beautiful person so full of happiness, don't let this affect who you are, I hope you meet someone who can provide you with the support you need. Unfortunately I know only time is what helps. The problem for me is that in my past I needed always years to really let go of someone and then I was able to enter in a new relationship but the person from the past were in a corner of my heart as if it goes dormant but it stays there. In your case what is not helping is that he is still in your home, I can't not imagine to have to face him every day. Try to keep strong and positive all should be better once he moves away.
I miss everything anout my ex, like the talking even though we only talked on weekends lol the intimacy was perfect, maybe cuz we got together only on weekends lol and just been around him I miss it. Like I say I need years to let go and after bc I know that I have waisted so many years lol 3 break up in my 40 years all the same pattern
never married always somehow used, for money for love for what ever it was always me giving, giving 100% receiving 50 or Less I also used to fear been one of those wife lol my coworkers at my previous job were most men and everyday they wanted to see my ass literally I was told that it was a morning thin for them, to check what I was wearing etc it made me sick cuz i could think in my head I could be one of the wifes at home and my Dh could be at an office watching some lady's a s s lol it seams life has twisted things in front of me that helped me not to trust men. In the outside I always pretended I was fine and I loved my life the way it was but inside I was not really happy. There maybe that is why bc heat me, I read somewhere that how we feel inside was a lot todo with c. I don't really trust that but it makes me wonder. This is another issue I have, my brain never stops wondering, why this why that what if lol
Noooo I am sure I am not ready to trust again. I will read the book and I ll try to focus on eliminating the pattern lol
With respect to the skin c, I did some tanning this summer and for the first time I used sun block but only on the rad side of my body, I know I shouldn't but I missed the sun tan so much lol I notice in my face the freckles got darker but I know they ll get light as soon as old winter get back here.
That is something else that piss me off, how we now need to be so careful with every day exposure to whatever can trigger this disease.
sorry I guess I needed to vent a little lol
Bb how is your face? Lines are gone?
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Milky- will your husband be moving out soon? Or will you go somewhere else once the divorce is final? I cannot imagine living in a house with a former partner who is so unkind/unsupportive. I hope you
Enerva- I think the jist of that books is this- men are dogs and will use women and string them along, so make them PROVE themselves and that they have a real interest in you before you get too invested. I think that is very good advice for all women.
I was actually doing some on line dating when I read this book and dating this guy whose company I enjoyed, but sensed he was still involved with a former girlfriend. I used that 90 day thing, met him in Sept and by our 3 or 4 date that Nov, it became really clear he was hanging out with me (and perhaps dating other women too) to have something to do when he could not be with the married ex. By the 4th date, I just asked him about this old girlfriend (who was also married) and his reaction to the whole conversation just confirmed what I knew was true. After that 4th date, I told him I was moving on. And it was easy too, because I was not invested. I have not dated much since, given a whole lot of problems that followed the past three year. I think the 90 day rule is a really good one and will use it again. I don't have the time, interest or patience to deal with anyone's BS. I am seeking sincerity.
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BB, maybe talk to her and tell her that unfortunately when you say you can't afford her is due to not been able to take on any extra expenses. trust me bb, most times when people say just pay me what you can, it a strategic cuz they can see how nice you are inside so they know you will feel bad and you will eventually pay her what ever. I am sorry but I now know people too well I was been cheated by all kind of people I always tip well and felt sorry for others and gave the little money I had cuz i don't see money so important but I now see I got nothing, and I never accepted help from others so there I got nothing I am going to be 41 in a week and all I got is debts and a broken heart and a broken body. I have to tell you girls I stoped celebrating my bd at 35 cuz i felt so depressed seen I was 35 and was in a casual relationship with my ex, I had not kids one of my pets die and the other one was going to so since I turn 35 I get very sad and down when my bd approaches lol
So bb, trust me if that lady wants to help she will do it at no cost.
I know you don't believe me but there are helpers out there that offer free help to bc patients as volunteers. Google and ask around till you find one. You can't afford $20 or 30 cuz you are like me now we can't afford it and that means no no no lol
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I have not dated... people have tried to set me up that knew nothing a about my medical issues... i actually siad yes to one setup....yet I was happily and pleasant ly relieved when he backed out of the setup....it couldn't have worked out better.
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for all lovely ladies
Enerva try to appreciate every small things in life because nobody is responsible for your happines you know that those were the days when we couldnt walk or drive because of chemo.we can meet anytime you want and arrange 5 to 10 min crying session hahaha i know we will not cry because you see you are not alone in this situation that give strenght .
I try to keep my self busy and last month i did stupid things i found terrot card group and phsycic reading group and asked them about my future and spend 50 dollars.
I was laughging on my self i feel so hopeless so i am trying to find help in every way.
Enerva dont worry about recurrance i was wooried in 2004 when i was diagnosed first time.you never know wot tom brings and somebody else is planing for us.i used to trust on dr but after my last incidence i realized that no one can stop mishap .so chill Enerva bye the way my 6 sens says i m gonna die in car accident hahaha then world will laugh on me that i tried to save my self from cancer by all prophylictic surgeries .
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OMG milky you may not believe me but I always felt that too. Lol in the past I used to believe in my dreams and I dreamed a few times I had a mayor accident and die in a car. So for many years I have had that feeling. When I had my motorcycle I scaped accidents all the time and I could think in my head, Holly crap that was close lol so why do you feel that? It's funny we both feel the same. I even saw myself dead in the accident in my dream lol I always wanted to pay for a taro card reader but after bc I stopped believing and it's only now that I started to dream again but my vivid dreams never came back. Chemo killed that in my brain too I am not only dreaming things which make no sense. In the past I knew the dreams were visions cuz i could wake up and feel as if I was still sleep and many things I dreamed came true for me. Not anymore I guess I am a normal creature now ha ha ha
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ok I just had my lunch and I need my walk now lol I finished a bunch of math exercises. I will go for my walk then I will comeback to do some practise exams and review some more
Have a great afternoon ladies
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BB- sorry the botox did not work. I have never had the treatment, only some skin laser treatments to remove some of those age spots that showed up on my face. That worked nicely, although I see some coming back so maybe will do a touch up treatment this fall. The challenge with those is you have to stay indoors out of the sun for 48 hours so doing it in the winter months is easier. Then I can go out at night with the vampires. I have seen several friends do facelifts and other cosmetic procedures that have not provided the results desired or for that long. I also had a friend that did some botox treatments recently and did not see any difference. Probably all good info to know whether it is worth doing or not.
A life coach is a great idea for you! I have not worked with one, but have seen several friends do so and it got them over some obstacles in their lives and moving forward. I think life coaches are very good at helping you realize what you want for your life and creating a pathway to getting those things. Therapy is always good, but tends to focus on the past. Life coaches focus on the now and how to move you forward. If it were me having someone offer to provide this service for a what you could pay, I would be ALL OVER IT!
Enerva is right, if she is offering it, she is doing so because she wants to help you and by having you pay what you can. I have seen therapists in the past who do this and almost anyone who does the kind of self help work with others has the ability to do this type of sliding scale of payment. They have people who can pay and/or are getting paid through insurance, and usually decide to have a few clients who they can work with for less. That tells you she is the right kind of person to work with too, not exclusively in it for the money. Maybe $25 per session and commit to a few and see if it helps?
I have a hard time taking help from others too. I grew up in a family where everyone else's needs were always put before mine. I still have issues with those that remain where that is concerned. It made me very self sufficient woman who can rangle a lot on her own, but I have a tough time accepting when people want to help and I really need it. Since bc, I am better with that as I had to depend on many during my time of illness and treatment. There are always angels put in our path to help us despite all the jerks we deal with in life.
Enerva- sorry to hear you are down about your birthday. It has been the case for me in my life during difficult times. My birthday this year was a good one, but the two the years before were really sucky because of all going on. I also accept not every year will be fun, nor will I feel like celebrating. BB makes a good point that you are doing things to build towards things you want for the future. If you are not up to celebrating, then maybe have a quiet day doing something you enjoy. A walk near that lovely lake, something good to eat you enjoy that is a treat, etc. I usually go to the spa or something to treat myself to a facial or something as part of each birthday.
They say most women who have bc will die from something else.
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Hi ladies- I had to escape the craziness of my chaotic house today and ran to do some errands, and went to Kohls (for new bras and underwear BB!) Came away with a few more things than that and bought a Cuisinart juicer today! Something I have been wanting for awhile and I was watching Dr. Oz this week on how to make high nutrient yet low calorie/sugar juice drinks. It was on sale for a good price and then I got another 20% off with a coupon.
I stopped at the gym on the way back and swam. I got on the scales there, and the weight I gained on vaca has come off once again. Not eating those carbs after 2 p.m. is working Enerva!
BB- I got a bit of hippie in me too. I wore a really fun tie died dress I bought last summer with leggings to something last weekend. I live in a place with lots of folks who dress like hippies so it all works. I think you can pull hippie off at any age (given the hippies of the 60s are now in their 60s now). Enjoy that dress!
Rented a couple movies and going to chill tonight with those. Hoping everyone here had a decent day!
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lol Jazz I am glad you try the no carbs after 2 lol I love the way I am now it really helps my weight and also my digestive system lol plus I can eat a huge breakfast and that i love to do.
Night 🌃
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Jazzy - Enjoy your movies tonight.
Stix - I hear ya'. Having the "conversation" can be awkward.
BB - Like you, I don't like to take anything without paying for it. But, sometimes there are programs offered that are just part of the package. For example, where I was treated, several times my oncologist told me they employ a therapist who will sit and talk with patients at no charge. They also offer other complimentary programs for cancer patients. So, if you decide not to start having meetings with the life coach, maybe your cancer treatment center has another low-cost (or better yet, complimentary) option for you to try.
E - Good luck with your studies. :-)
Goodnight, everyone.
(Milky - there's a PM coming to you in a few minutes.)
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jazzygirl i seen couple of good movies
Endless love
Labor day
Fault in our stars
I like romantic movies .no romance in life but i love to watch it on screen
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Milky- I saw the movie Grand Budapest Hotel (very interesting) and also rented the Book Thief (going to watch this morning) and the musical film, Once. I just saw the musical, Once, on Broadway and loved it and hear there was a movie so I want to see that now too! I will have to check out the other movies, and believe it or not, while I was checking out the movies, I bought the book The Fault in our Stars! Will read the book first and then find the movie. Thank you for the movie recommendations!
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hi ladies so I did my exam this morning fingers crossed I think I did much better but still finished early so who knows lol I love that movie Jazz the book thief and also the one with Mathew Mc can't remember his last name. Lol I also love romantic movies but horror and action too lol I recently watched ray Donovan great show. It reminded me of the sopranos loved that show. So how is every body I am going to do some knetting. I asked my niece if she could be willing to make more owls for my friends in the insomnia tread and she said not way ha ha ha she sent me the YouTube video of how to do it. She says she is just too busy with university and that making one for me is one thing but making many is too much cuz she could not have the time for it
well I will send the ladies the video. I stoped at Michael's looking to see if they sell the wax tread and they don't so I can't even try. I will try as soon as I find that wax tread maybe I can make them too lolAnyway I am so estress about money, I hope I pass my course so I can try to save some money to pay for the license and the next course which is the comercial one.
Will relax today
I ll watch some TV too I haven't watch much cuz of the exam. I should know by Thursday. 0 -
Enerva- fingers crossed you will have passed this time. Finishing early is better than not finishing in time. I bet you nailed it and fingers crossed so you can move on to the next one so you can get working again. Let us know how you do! Rooting for your girlfriend.
We got some serious rain last night and the downtown areas flooded. We have had a serious drought here for awhile, so this rain is so welcomed for our parched landscape and the water supply. But too much rain at once has nowhere to go when too much comes at once.
Supposed to go do some outdoor jazz tonight with a friend but it seems iffy as the storms may return and don't want to get stuck under a flooded underpass. We may opt out.
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Jazz here is very hot today which surprised me this morning when I git to the campus for the exam it was already hot. Lol I am a bit tired n i did walk yesterday so I think I won't go anywhere today. How existing just listening to a lot of noise one neighbour is doing reno.
can't stand it lol Here is the video my niece sent me lol
Macrame Owl / Makramee Eule / Макраме сова:http://youtu.be/SAqNNIu1s8I
L o l
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Enerva- the macrame owls are very cute. Owls seem to be big this year for a motif. I was in a store yesterday and saw a lot of owl jewelry. Owls are very sacred and usually a protector as well as an omen. I think you will enjoy making those.
Renovation noise must be awful. I have lived in apts where there is noise like that. I am glad to not have neighbors sharing walls any more. I have great neighbors on each side, but despite the houses being close together here, we have space between our homes too.
Back to the grind of moving stuff around.
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well I just will try to make them with regular tread cuz i could not findbany waxed tread.
Hey so I got an email from.the ps hebonly said :
" Thanks I will look into it, I will order a few to be sure."
What the hell? Oh well I am happy he replay to me cuz i have prove I did tell him exactly what I want, but I now have not idea again. I will wait and next week I will ask his secretary to give me the info as per what are the few he order. My stress comes back every time I think of my surgery Lol
Did you enjoy the book thief movie?
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Enerva- The Book Thief was so good. I think I had read the book long ago, but the movie was well done with some great acting. Not an easy story in many ways, but if you like to read or write in any way, this movie will speak to you. This woman used books to get her through some enormously difficult circumstances. Definately worth a rent!
I am tired of this house and moving stuff for the painting. The weather cleared up and think we are going to go to the concert. It will be good to get out of this house for awhile this evening. I hope the rain stays away, the city needs to dry out a bit after the big rains and flooding last night.
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well I finished one owl lol I ll pick up a few sticks when I go for my walk. I am spotting today so I am not sure if a full p is coming. I haven't had one since April. Wierd my body is not sure of what it's happening,
Here is what it looks like my first owl lol
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Enerva- cute owl and hope your walk is good! Do you still get your period after chemo? I was not sure as I did not have chemo, but am also menopausal these days. I hope it is not bad if it is coming back, I know they can be when they stop and start up again. Your body is still coming back to it's own balance right now.
Despite all the rain lately, yesterday dried out and I was able to get out to one of the last outdoor summer jazz under the stars at the local museum. One of my favorite things to do here in the summer months, and have not been to any since June (was away a few weekends in July). It was a lovely cool evening and the music was Brazilian jazz (salsa) and the second group made me feel like I was on the streets of Rio. I think the rain may be back today but in general, looks to be a bit drier this coming week.
I am down to my final day of getting ready for the painting and have most of the big items moved and now working to clear off counter tops. I will be glad when this is over and done, then I begin the process of putting some things back together around here. I am also taking the opportunity to do some purging, giving some things away to friends, donating some things to charity, taking things to consignment, recycle what I can and throwing the rest in the dumpster. Despite it being ALOT of work, it is long overdue and grateful to have the time to get to it. I hope to come away with some nice upgrades to the house after all this as well as a less cluttered space.
Hope everyone here has had some nice weekend time doing things you enjoy!
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Ty for the suggestions Jazz and Milky
BB.......I took MBFFs girl down to the strip and she remarked how bohemian many of the shops were....
Have a nice Sunday all of you beautiful souls......
We are so much more than our exteriors and BC.....(WOW..I need to remember this!!!!)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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BB- oh dear, that is terrible news about your tooth. An infected tooth will make you miserable. And you are right, they won't do a procedure on you when that is going on. You need to get the tooth dealt with tomorrow and then reschedule.
So the surgery center does not have an answering service where you can leave a message and say you became sick with a dental infection over the weekend and cannot make it in tomorrow as planned?
Do you have any friends in the area who can pick up some soup or something for you? If nothing else, try to drink fluids. You can go a few days without food but, you don't want to get dehydrated.
Let us know anything else we can do from here?
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BB- I hate not feeling well and get scared sometimes too when I have that kind of pain. Glad the ice tea is going down okay, and if you left a message for those people, you have done your job. You are not the first person who probably had to cancel over a weekend and chances are, if they don't have someone there to be an answering service, they may have people picking up those messages over the weekend. It would be better if you could have talked to a real person and maybe gotten an on call doc to talk to about things. But lets face it, the medical community is very self serving and not always helpful when we need them the most.
Hard to take care of a pet too when you are not feeling well. I listened my sister go through dealing with that during her bc treatment with her multiple cats, a dog and the rest. Do you live in a house or apt? Do you have to take the dog out or can you let him/her out?
And yes, men are the WORST about being sick. Sort of makes me glad I don't have one around. It would be nice to have some support but sometimes they are just work.
Feel better dear, and take whatever pain killers you have available to help with the pain until you can get in tomorrow.
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piper I am sorry Cb didn't make the time or effort but I am with you 100% I totally get what you say, this morning I only felt sleep around 3:30am I then got up at 8am, I then sent a msg to my friend asking him for his mom s # once again. He finally sent it to me saying he was sorry cuz he forgot. Then he sent me a msg saying he misses me and will love to see me soon. I then said I am here so anytime we can get together just do me a favor and write it down on your fridge or on Bark s collar so you don't forget lol he sent me a smile face. I called his mom and she was so happy to talk to me, I told her hoe I asked him for her number several times, she then reminded me about his poor memory due to a mayor accident he had a 19. Girls I had forgotten about that. My friend was on a mayor accident before we met back 22 year ago and his brain had a huge surgery.
After I hang it all made sence lol he does in fact forgets a lot of things he has to for real write things down lol
Anyway her and I laughed and we said we will get together soon. She was not free today but she took my number and will let me know so I can come get her and we can go up north for a drive.
Jazz it must be so nice down where you are with all the summer festivals, I have been to one of those in a long time.
My sister worries me, yesterday we talk for over an hour and she was in a bad state she was angry after fighting and then laughing and gosisping she angry state banished and it was great some how I got her there. My brother is losing his patients and I can imagine she is always upset and yesterday her daughter, cousin,and my other sister went to France on a trip which was for her to do and due to bc she had to let my other sister go in her place. She told me it didn't bother her but know inside that is exactly what was bothering her.
Well her breast also is not healing well, she has an infection so that is also bothering us. I honestly wish I could change this for her.
Bb how was your weekend?
STIX how are you feeling? Hope your exchange recovery is going great.;)
Milky hope you had a great one too
Life how are you?
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Enerva- what are they doing to help your sister with the infection? I am sure it must be hard to watch people vacation when you cannot. I had several years of watching people going out and having fun, on vacations when I could not even think about it. Hopefully when she gets better she can take a trip. I know you are still waiting on the path report too.....
And glad your friends mom reminded you about the memory issues due to the accident. So now you just know you need to work with him to write things down when you do make plans. I think he does care from all I am hearing and does want to spend time with you.
Also, BB is sick with a dental infection. See her post here today.
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jazz I forgot to tell you about my p, lol well it went away when I got chemo#2 and it came back last Nov at one year after, then in April this year it went away and now it seams it's trying to come back but I am not sure cuz i was told by my FD that i am menopause too, according to my blood. EShe said if it doesn't come back in 12 consecutive months it's menopause so I have not idea what to think lol chemo made menopause come early so not sure if it's going to be a good thing or a bad one lol
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oh crap I missed bb s post
BB Hope you get better soon.
Jazz that is the problem now she is taking antibiotics but she herself got it, she did not go to the onco yet cuz he will see her when the report comes. It is all crazy the way it works down there. There is no a family doctor like here over there she must go find a specialist herself and been so difficult it is not that simple I can tell her a million times one thing and she won't do as I say
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Enerva- I am sorry your sister is not doing all she needs to do to take care of herself. The system there may make it hard to do so too from what you shared here. I know it is frustrating, my sister does a lot of crazy stuff I just never understand it when she knows she should do something. We are just different people, and view life differently, and react differently to information and situations so very differently. My sister (and her partner for that matter) are very reactive to everything, and I am not. I think you are just being present with your sis and trying to help her from where you are at. Sort of like we all do here, far away but trying to help each other every day as we can, right?
Even when you go into menopause, you can still get a period for awhile until it is really done. My gyn told me that, they say the year mark is what the usually use, but she had women who would get a period a couple years after stopping. Our bodies are just unpredictable.
There is also this thing I had the year before menopause called "silent periods" which were feeling like you were going to get it and having all the symptoms from bloating, to cramps, PMS, etc. but then nothing. That could be what is happening too?
Going to take a break from the house once again and go to the gym for some swimming/exercise!
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