Single life after a mastectomy
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Hey girls.......
Just got home a little bit ago. After getting a few things accomplished, I headed out for my girl day with Man BFFs gal pal.
One of the volunteers from the hospital lives close to Bff. I stopped in to drop off some of the food I made and meet her new puppy. HAHA My coworker who had Lymphoma had also stopped in with her 3 kids. It was a nice little visit. I then picked up the gal pal and we headed to the Strip District (a whole sale district). We walked around, shopped and talked. I decided to head over to another neighborhood in the city where we could walk and look at some other cute shops and perhaps find a place to eat. Many of the restaurants/Bars have had their window fronts converted so they are open to air in the nice weather. We stopped for a beverage and sat in the open window area. The waitress was excellent, sharing her knowledge of their craft brews and giving us a few tasters before we chose, however, we decided just to have one drink and move on.
After walking up and down the streets and window shopping, we settled on a Thai place. The decor was simple yet elegant and the bay window fronts had a table placed in each so we sat there and people watched while waiting for our food.
My companion in crime for the day is from Taiwan. She knew exactly what dishes she desired. I just gave her license to order our meal. We had a nice soup, shrimp, lemon grass, cilantro, coconut milk and spices, Yum factor. She also ordered us Thai milk teas which was a nice way to cool the palate in between dishes. We had Pad Thai with beef and green curry with chicken. Both yummy and she said one of the better places she has had each.
My Bff does not like Asian foods (just the girls)
So this worked well for us to have dinner at a place she would truly enjoy. We were gone for about 7 hours. Gave my friend time to get stuff done at his business without worrying about his gal.
Bffs daughter stopped for a visit (senior in HS). We all sat around for a bit then I had to make my way home.
in regards to sleep.......I try to grab it when I can. I do have to say, for a time during my recovery at home, I was in a pretty good pattern of sleep. It all went to heck when I returned to work and when I was on the Tamoxifen.
I have tried lot's of supplements for many reasons. Currently I am taking nothing. I am one of those people Melatonin never helped. Calcium has given me awful side effects and I could go on with how my body seems to dislike processing medications or giving me side effects that are worse than the benefits of taking it.
I am difficult that way I suppose. I am also difficult to persuade that there is any one thing that would set off my DCIS. I think it would have happened no matter how I lived my life.......with exception to some environmental factors that just might have played into my DX, which I may never know what they are nor had any control over.
I do put the sleep timer on my TV though, but I have always done this as I do not sleep well with a tv going all night.
In regards to CB.....I am a strong believer in actions speaking louder than words. It was a nice sentiment this morning but I require more follow through at this time. I am not one to make demands. I wait people out. I am about done waiting him out. I should speak my mind, however, he has yet to make the move to call me periodically. This is going to disintegrate just like the last time. I really wanted this time to be different. I am wondering if I could somehow improve this situation. Perhaps, That is the only reason why I am hanging in limbo. I need to have a conversation with him. I just wanted to have it in person. Doesn't seem that is going to happen. I will have to ask if we can make a time to speak over the phone. Tell him I need just a little more encouragement. See if he has any thoughts about any willingness to make a firmer commitment to see where this is going. I have a feeling he just kind of likes this the way it is though. I am not going to have this kind of 'long-distance' relationship with someone who is in such close proximity to me.
I dunno
I am tired. need to catch some Zzzzzzzzzzs
Wishing you all a restful night and thanx for the input. talking it out keeps me from putting my head in the sand
Now to get the confidence and ability to find the words I want to say
Good for you BB
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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hi ladies i had my religious occassion on tuesday i went for dinner with my kids its was fun we drove to niagra falls drive to see down town and came back.
I have my classes on wed thursday and friday so going to be busy cousins wants to spend summer here so lots of plans.
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Milky- good to hear from you an glad you are getting out and starting to enjoy life again. Very good to hear!
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good morning ladies
Hope you have a great day!!!
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you too!
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Morning
Yea Milky! What classes are you taking?
Sipping a little coffee I bought yesterday. (I don't drink the stuff much anymore, but a nice treat)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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sandpiper i am doing ECE ealry childhood education .teaching for pre schoolers it was easiest and shortest course i could find its hard for me for work 9 to 5 so i can work part time in a day care or as supply teacher in school.
My husband or living partner is try to record my every conversation i dont know at the age of 51 he acts like teenagers and says i will show it to court.is it legal to record any conversation without my consent
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jazzy girl yes i was isolated by my husbabd during my chemotherapy i couldnt complete my 6 cycles of chemotherapy only had 4 .
It was hard for me to drive and texotere gave me joints pain .i try to keep myself busy .college friends or with kids.i dont want to be on bed again i will b left alone
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sister finally went to the lab and the report is not there yet.
we must wait apparently there is not way to get it until it's ready something to do with reactive materials which are not available at this moment. I am not sure what to think anymore. My country is full of it now due to not having medical supplies.
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Milky, I'm sending you a private message in a few minutes.
E - Sorry your sister's having so much trouble there. I hope she receives the report soon.
Piper - You're so right that actions speak louder than words. CB sounds like a good guy, but you're smart in paying close attention.
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Hi ladies- two biopsies of the skin this morning at the dermatologist. One on the scalp that has a patch that has been there for awhile and another is a new bump under my left breast that just showed up. She said she thinks they are both liked keratosis, but wants to confirm. We talked about my bc and I said I just take everything very seriously know as I know once you have one kind of cancer, it is possible for others to show up too. Plus my sister has had basal cell twice on her face, we are a fair skinned family. Should know more in a week. Fingers crossed.
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hope it turns out ok
Here is something I read.
By Pamela Feigen, Manager of Information ServicesAre you stressed out about stress itself? Many cancer survivors worry that their cancer may return if their stress levels are too high. However, the actual role that stress plays in cancer recurrence has remained unclear.
THE EVIDENCERecently, a systematic review was conducted to determine if there was a cause and effect relationship between stress and cancer recurrence. The purpose of a systematic review is to summarize the best available research on a specific question.
The authors of the review looked at the scientific literature on this topic that was published from December 1979 through April 2012. They found no clear evidence for a cause and effect relationship between stress and cancer recurrence. Although the authors advised that more high-quality research is needed to provide a more definitive answer, they concluded that the evidence to date does not support the hypothesis that stress causes cancer recurrence. read more
Follow our Willow Wellness board
for tips and quotes on
reducing stress
Hummm, interesting
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Enerva- interesting. So much conflicting info out there.
A shot of the lightening here last night. I saw some of this when I was driving home from dropping off the bed to my friend on the north side of the city limits.
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wow impressive.
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its scary, as if every time the storms are getting stronger. I don't like it
mother nature can be dangerous. 0 -
That's awesome Milky. And what a great step toward independence for you and your children. (I am truly sorry your husband treated you poorly...more than poorly-ugh!)
Styx tell us more about YOU!
If you feel so inclined and comfyWow Jazz.....cool pic. Scary but incredible and beautiful.
E woman. Sorry about the delay in your
Sissy getting results. and sorry for the stress it may be causing you. (((((Enerva))))BB...How's the brow line looking? I have that grumpy frown line too.
Maybe when I sell my house I can splurge....
Life......I have always been the action vs words type. I would like to think my words and actions mirror each other. If I cannot follow through I will say so. I hate when people tell you what you want to hear...then disappointment sets in. Honestly at first it feels like why am I be treating like this. Then I get grumpy and angry and frustrated and remember I am allowing this to perpetuate by not standing up for myself.
I sent a text just stating "I am tired of not seeing you or even talking to you for that matter"
In return I get "I'm sorry, It certainly isn't easy by any stretch"
Me: "No, But doesn't have to be so difficult either"
That's it. I am done. I am waiting to see if he phones tonight, however, if he does not, I cannot do anything else. He has spoken volumes and this is another end. I have liked some of the attention I have received from others over the last couple of weeks, but it was his attention I thought I would get and I did not. I won't beg. I cannot make him feel, say or do what he is not honestly feeling.
Onward.......I cannot say I am not sad or hurt. I am. And even near tears several times today. I can cry tonight when I go to bed.
story of my life. .....
In other news, I have decided to give up alcohol starting tomorrow. Target to go 30 days without. Hard to do when I go out to Sissys for dinner or out with friends or now that football season is around the corner.
I have decided to revamp my diet as well and go back to salads, veggies and chicken. Unprocessed (which I mostly do) But need to watch as I have attended quite a few parties, events and what not this summer.
My other goal is to see if I can start back with my running. If not no biggie, but will then try to improve my walking pace. Did 3.5 miles today with an average pace of 14-15 min/mile. No where near what I was able to do 2 years ago. and maybe that won't change. I just want a more consistent pace..
Went to my moms today and dropped off some dinners and fruit for her. visited for a little bit. Funny I mentioned my allergies and she said "I didn't know you had allergies.' I said I have had seasonal and environmental allergies off and on since I was a preteen.....just no one ever listened to me. She simply said..."That is probably true". Funny it takes all these years to realize some things. Her and I both.
Hope everyone had a good day. Sitting on my deck with the last of my coveted IPAs.......listening to some tunes...
Pull up a chair ladies and join me.....
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Piper- I think you are wise to let this fellow know you are not waiting around. He just seems unavailable, for whatever reason. My experience with men from my past that come back into the picture and sometimes show us why it never worked out before. An expression I love is we don't get what we want in life, we get what we focus on. He is focusing on everything but you, and so he will have everything but you.
I think I have talked about this here before. I had a hot and steamy relationship with someone back in the 80s during my grad school days. We reconnected a few years ago on Linked In and then he told me he was going to be in my area for a wedding, but did not have time to see me. Not that I expected him to come see me, but afterwards, I realized how bad it made me feel. But that is why we did not end up together, I was really never that important to him, I knew it then, and he reminded me again. When I was dating him, he had already been married young and divorced twice and that freaked me out (I was 23 and he was 26). I think his third marriage that started not long after I moved away from TX just ended from some things I discovered recently. Something about this man that women don't stay with him. He wanted to see me if I ever came to TX, which I did earlier this year but did not let him know I was there. He is not the man for me.
You my dear are worthy of someone better who does want to spend time with you. Enjoy your evening listening to the tunes and be open to the next kind man that comes your way!
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TY Jazzy...and I missed the part where you had some skin biopsies today.........thinking all negative thoughts
results that is..... TY also for summing up how I feel and how I am thinking....I wish I could use fewer words ...but that is why I have you....
and the rest of the crew
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Piper I get what you two are saying, been there done that, it's a terrible feeling when we hope for someone to call or show up and they just don't. I myself feel I have been in that spot so many times. I can't stand it. Anyway today I received a parcel from one of my niece wishing me a hb (whichbis not till another 8 days) anyway she sent it from Númea so it's from a far place and to my surprise she sent me a beautiful owl she made herself, I love it
I will hand it in my car. Check it out 
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That is so pretty and so you!
Luv it!
http://www.daniellelaporte.com/questions-before-co...
Need to remember some of these as they pertain to me....maybe they may resonate with some of you as well
?
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Enerva- love the owl! I had to google that place as I have never heard of it. You have family all over the world.
Also sorry about your sister's path report not being ready. Any reason why? Does Venezuela have socialized medicine?
Piper- those are good questions to asks, I am going to print those off and keep them handy. The thing I try to pay attention to these days is how I feel around people or as a result of my interactions with people. Not that everyone is a breeze all the time, but there are just relationships that come in to our life that can REALLY pull us down or make us feel less than. I find I just cannot put the effort into people who just cannot show up or who don't care. Best to step out of the way and let them go.
There is a book you should read (which you won't like) called "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man" written by Steve Harvey, the comedian. It is really about the way men think, the way a lot of them play us while they are really always looking for their one true love. A friend suggested I read it and said it would piss me off, but explains a lot of the behaviors men do and why they do them, whether we like them or not.
He has a couple really practical things I really like. One is he says "men like requirements, so get some." That means we all need to be clear with ourselves first what we expect from another person. Not something I was ever taught to do in relationships. Like saying "I expect you to make time for me on the weekends, or to touch base once and awhile, or to not expect to stop over when you feel like it." He also says to wait 90 days when you are seeing someone to take it to a more intimate level. He says most people really will show themselves in that period of time so you can determine if they are worth getting more serious with.
You might find the book interesting (and annoying too!)
And thanks for the feedback on the skin biopsies. Will let you know how that all turns out when I hear next week!
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Some one told me about that book long time ago, I never got it, humm I will trybto read it before I start dating ha ha ha I can imagine the stuff in the book. I bet it's funny but all true.
It's so unfair how there seams to be a small group of good guys out there and all taken lol or they are not into me. milky and I were discussing that point. I mean I am like honey for losser and also married men, never dated a married men but always had them flirting with my at work and I hated it. I can't stand people who cheat and somehow I attracted those men. Maybe I need to read a few books to research what is it I do? I used to wonder do I have a sign on my forehead? Lol
Did any of you had that before? Old married dogs flirting with you.?
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Enerva- I have always had married men hitting on me since I was in my 20s. I used to think it was me, then I realized there are just a lot of men who cheat and trying to find something on the side. I think married men think single women are lonely/desperate/horny and they have a better chance of getting a yes from us. I won't have anything to do with married men either.
I asked a guy friend one time who was married what that was about and he said "if a man wants to cheat, it just becomes a numbers game. He keeps hitting on women until one says yes." So it is really not anything about us, but just a lot of men out there trying from one woman to the next. They find out quickly from me to move on. Perhaps another reason I don't trust men that much, seen too much of that behavior.
I also find it hard to know sometimes if someone is married these days. So many men don't wear rings anymore, at least where I live. But if a man is married and into his wife, he usually brings her up right away. I always assume a man is married until proven single.
I deal with a lot of men around the work at my house projects and some are really great and others pretty flirty. I keep it all business with them.
You should read the book Enerva, it is very eye opening for sure!
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Saw this today and made me think of the group of us here. I think we do try to look into each others hearts and treat each other with a lot of love, support and care.
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Thanks for telling me about your experience, I also do the same I stay far from those men you I was so piss at some point I used to make up a fake bf. Lol how lonely is that lol I used to tell people I was seen someone cuz i hated saying I was single then dealing with the dogs. Lol
I will trybto fond the book ha ha ha
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jazzy. That there is beautiful!!!! Thanks for sharing that and your right. We are like that!
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This phone makes me write as if I am drunk lol
Lol
Night all, tomorrow I may not show up till late I need to focus on math tmw lol
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hi. Yep married men hit on me. Some times I am actually attracted to them...and that's a real tease.haha. it's kinda a waste of energy...yet a compliment. Oh well... i should have married that guy that got away
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Enerva - What a beautiful gift your niece sent you. :-)
Jazzy - Good luck with those biopsies. I tested positive for a genetic mutation that can lead to all sorts of cancers, and skin cancer is one of them. There's a mark on my face that worries me, so I plan to go soon. Here's hoping for negative test results for you.
Also, I remember you mentioning Steve Harvey's book before. It led me to look up videos of him talking about what's in his book. Pretty funny stuff, and he seems to be right on the mark... unfortunately.
Piper - Sorry to hear things aren't working out so well at this point. I always was a "the-door-is-open-and-you-can-leave-anytime" sort of woman. In hindsight, I should've thought more about what I needed and just made decisions based on that. Anyway, maybe CB will be on your doorstep this weekend saying he never wants to lose you. Whatever happens, if you decide to break off with him, you know how it goes - it's disappointing and sad at first, but in time, everything will be OK again.
About the married man thing - my friends and I were hit on by married men beginning when we were in our teens. We always told them to get lost. But it made me sad for the wives of these men. It made me afraid to marry because I didn't want to be one of those wives whose husbands cheat. And look what happened - lol - I became one of those wives. Oh, well.
Goodnight, all.
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i used to think that shouting is best way to release stress and frustration but its not happening now when i am at the edge of divorce.
Its a feeling of rejection that kills no matter how busy i am but at the end of the day its there.i dont miss my husband i miss the companionship and adult talk i miss someone who ask me do you need anything?
Are you ok?
May be one day i will overcome this feeling and make sure myself that relationship is not for me.
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