Single life after a mastectomy
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Jazzy - I'm sure you're looking forward to your house being finished so that you can relax and enjoy it. Our homes are our castles. Thanks for the positive energy.
To everyone: Enjoy the rest of the weekend!
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Life- part of what I am doing is part of the long road out from all that went on a few years ago. We all have our own journey out of where we have been, don't we? My spare bedrooms became too much of a storage area vs. functional rooms that I can use the past few years. I live in a small home (1400 square feet) which is perfect for me, but those rooms need to be more functional for my needs. I just did not have the energy for a long time to do this work, but thankful I do now. As you may remember, I did the initial work last summer and now we finish.
I took out a bed from the "spare bedroom" and am converting that room into a space where I can play music, do my yoga practice, and also perhaps go to have a space to read and right. I was calling it a hobby room for awhile, but think of it now as a restorative/wellness place I am creating. I am moving a futon couch from the home office into the wellness room that can convert to a guest bed, if needed. I really don't have that many visitors here any more, but want to be sure to have an extra bed space here if needed. I am excited about this being more of a room that I can use for the new chapter in my life that now is opening.
The home office is going to become more purely that kind of space, with my desk and computer set up plus more space for books and other things I need to be able to use for my business. Excited to have a better space there too. Lots of work to shred, donate, take thing to consignment, etc. too in the process.
Waking up to a little rain here the desert this morning. I hear a bigger storm is coming on Tuesday (first day of painting).
Going to do a bit of yoga and then get to the work at hand. Hope everyone is doing okay and wishing you a good Sunday.
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Enerva- Julianne Moore one best actress for the Gold Globes tonight for Still Alice.
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hi jazz, thanks I missed the gold n gloves awards but she deserves it.that movie broke my heart. I m sitting at the lab waiting to be call for my ultrasound. Ll post later
my sis is getting chemo number 4 as we speak ;( poor thing
Ll talk to you all tonight
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Enerva- will be thinking about you today and prayers that there is nothing going on in the pelvis. I am sorry about your sister too, I am sure things must continue to be hard for her. Does she have to do six rounds?
Holding you and your family in my heart and daily meditation. I keep you and my other BC sisters here in my daily prayers for peace and healing. One of the Stage IV sisters on my other threads who has been going through so much fell and broke her ankle and had to have surgery. So hard.
I have always loved Julianne Moore as an actress. She picks some really challenging and controversial roles with her work. She goes to the hard places. I think the last movie I saw her in was "The Kids are Alright" where she was a gay parent who meets the donor of her kids and gets involved with him. If you have not seen that, rent it sometime.
Did I ever ask you if you did any genetic testing?
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BB- well that is good news the new BS is going to help you with the fat grafting. It sounds like you found a good doctor who is going to help you. I know you need to get this done and glad you have a date. We will be here with you as you prepare and come through that surgery.
Painting is underway and the bathrooms (same color) are already finished. Now they are working on the spare bedrooms and color. Can't wait.
It is snowing here today.
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hi ladies, well it's 8:11 pm I am in my bed already I had a very long day. I got to the office around 6:30am then I took one hour lunch at 9:45am the lab is just a few blocks from my work place so I got there at 5 to 10 I was in a waiting area till 10:25 am just thinking why do they always give an appointment hour and then make us wait 40 or more minutes in an waiting room? Then I wanted to pee myself right on their chairs cuz they made me drink a liter of water one hour before my appointment so since 9am I was full of water plus I had a tea before that. Anyway the lady called me at 10:40am and started to ask me stupid? ? I am sorry girls but I am no longer a happy person and I was not rude but in my head I was. I mean I kept thinking of rude answers. But I didn't. So she ask why are you here? I look at her and say what? She then said why is your doctor requesting this ultrasound? I then I breath and said. Oh well let's see...... Hum I had two periods last month and I have been having some mild pain in my left ovarie. Then she said ok lets see. Oh then I added I need to pee as soon as possible. Then she said I ll do this and you can go pee and come back to do a vaginal one. So I did and then she did the other ultrasound. honestly I want to be positive but she took her sweet time and took lots of pictures which made me very uneasy. So I then went to the same waiting area to wait for the other person to do my wrist ultrasound. Anyway I got back to the office and work with no lunch till 4pm
My sister is supposed to have 8 chemos
I am.now in bed just trying to goto sleep early it's been so cold. People in my work are playing silly games and I am so sick of it all.
Like my manger for example asking me to walk him through a logic for a requirement. I felt like telling him to go to hell. But again I didn't. I politely told him what is expected from the requirement and then told.him maybe he should sit with the developer since I am not a developer.
Guys I can't stand my work. Don't get me wrong I like the work I hate the ass holes I work with. It's like every day I am put through some kind of test. Now I learn I am in charge of all the february releases .
Anyway I just had one long day.
Bb, I am happy you have a date to star your recon.
Jazz life thanks for been there always
Love you girls
Hope milky comes back soon.
Good night
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Enerva- you did have a hard day, girlfriend. Those pelvic ultrasounds are not fun, and I had them not once but twice in the past. Drinking all the water, holding the fluid, putting that probe up your ying yang, not fun. They do take a lot of pictures, it makes me nervous too. The do the same when I have my breast ultrasounds every six months now, same feeling. Anyways, I hope everything is okay. They probably have to write up the report and send it to your doctor and hope you don't have to wait to long for that. Prayers for good outcomes.
I felt the same way when I went back to work after my surgery and during rads, Enerva. That project was the worst ever, and I wanted to scream every day at the people who were just nasty and petty and all the rest. I stuck it out as I needed to work, needed the money, and just made sure I was not working too much. I had to work hard to remain detached from all the BS there.
I know you have been pushing pretty hard with the FT work for this place and also trying to get the real estate career going. Can you find a way to slow things down and find better balance? You really sound exhausted to me. You are still healing.
Hugs sister, and hoping your day tomorrow is better. A good night's sleep can make all the difference.
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BB- so glad to hear you are feeling positive. I think 2015 is going to be a better year for you. Blue skies ahead!
I was looking at some other threads yesterday and think there is a give up smoking thread here. Do you know about that one? Might be great to have some others to talk to whom are trying to do the same thing. I know you can do this! I believe in you!
Waking up to another morning of snow here. This storm started Monday night and has brought snow off and on since. We have a couple inches on the ground here. We always need the moisture. I have to go out later this morning, but the roads will be better by then. People freak out here in the snow (which cracks me up being from the east coast....)
My painting job got finished yesterday and everything looks great. Got some work to do to put the bathrooms back together and going to go through some paperwork that needs to be dealt with. The rest of the work will be done next week (flooring) in the home office and new "wellness room" starting Monday.
Hope everyone else is doing okay here. Stay warm and safe everyone.
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BB- I know you are going to be able to kick this smoking thing. Just look how far you have come? I call the worst of the worst times we go through the "dark night of the soul." You are coming through it. And with that, you realize the world is filled with wonderful possibilities too. Knowing you will have your beautiful hair back, the surgery you need to feel whole again, these are all really good things. There are blessings in all this.
My blessings : living through not one but two health issues that could have taken my life and come through it in tact (changed, but able to continue on). I think I have REALLY learned who really cares about me and now focus more time on those relationships. That is okay to put myself first, and that I need to take the utmost care of myself. I am much more content with the simple things in life- enjoying a good meal with a friend, a nice workout at the gym, a great concert, and rainbow, and more. I am less social than I used to be, but think I have become more selective of how I spend my time too.
I also realized I am going to get serious this year about starting to write a book- been on my bucket list for decades and think the time is now. I am doing my first writers conference this summer in Taos.
Some of these may be more about how I have changed, but think the ultimate blessing is that I have a much different view of life now. I take nothing for granted, appreciate everything, and don't sweat the small stuff.
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hi, bb my sister has 4 more chemos, her # 4 was two days ago so a total of 8.
Jazz wow congratulations on writing a book I always wanted to do so but never been a good writer. I wish you all the luck of the world I admire people who did it.
Bb, I am so happy you are loving your hair. I must admit my hair is now to my shoulders and I pray it keeps growing to be just like it was. Although today I admired a lady with short hair and I stared at her thinking I wish I had gotten used to short hair but I must admit it's just a thought. I was so sad and upset with short hair. So no I better stop thinking of short hair lol
I am not sure I am grateful about many things but I must say I love been in real estate even though I am not sure it ll Take off I only did it due to bc and been on sick leave. I also see life different but I honestly cant say good things came out of my bc experience. I am not sure I will ever make piece with it.I still regret it.
I will keep a brave face up till I can leave my full time job. I see it is what affects me.emotional and mentally it's the job that has a negative effect on me. But at least I see it clearly now.I ll start looking for internal posting hopping I find another position and hopping I get to change jobs this year.
I read a few post from new members in the insomnia tread and had a good laugh.
Oh I also realized men have fallen out of my mind now lol like they don't exist lol before I was missing having one now i can even imagine dating lol yes I am exhausted I am seen that very clear these days
Good night
Sending you all sweet dreams wishes
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Enerva- hard to make peace with all this sister. I always felt with all I went through with my family and helping them, maybe I would be spared anything bad with my own health. But that is not the way the cards were dealt. I hope with time you find more peace with this whole journey.
I know your real estate business with grow with time. You keep working on that dream.
I made plans to go snow shoeing with a friend this Sunday. It will be the first time in 4 years (for her too). We did a snow shoe race around this time in 2011. I would not do that again (it was hard then, would be worse now), but going up to the mountains here to have some fun for a few hours. We got a lot of fresh snow here in the past few days so I want to take advantage of it while the powder is still good up at the crest.
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jazz that sound like fun, I was supposed to go snow tubing in Denver and never did, I am not sure why but my friend never mentioned once I got there and I didn't ask her cuz I thought it just was not longer in her plans.
I am on the train now almost at the station. Should be at my desk by 7:30
Have a great day!!
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Enerva- I hope your day at work goes easy. The weekend is right around the corner!
Too bad you did not get to snow tube. Maybe because you ended up going to Vegas too? Denver and Colorado in general have a lot of fun things to do.
I have always loved winter sports. I used to downhill ski here a lot the first 9 or so years when I moved here. Around 2005, I noticed my knees were hurting when I went skiing, so I gave it up. In 2010, I decided to take up snow shoeing which is great exercise and not as tough on the joints. Bought the shoes, poles, etc.
Because neither my friend and I have gone in awhile, we are going to just go for a couple hours or less to get our snow shoe groove back. Fresh mountain air, sunshine, and exercise, can't be anything bad about that, right?
Hope everyone has a good day here.
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BB- I debate whether it would be an autobiography (people tell me I have had a far more interesting life than most, and should write it), but might like to create a more fictional story about an adventurous single woman, using some of my own life experiences. I have written some short stories this way (unpublished) and my writing teachers say you don't have to experience something to write about it, yet that appeals to me most.
One of my writing teachers also said try to write from the other gender, a woman writing about a man's story. Have you ever read Wally Lamb's books? He wrote one called She's Come Undone which is written by a main using the perspective female voice of a woman who has had very hard life. The reality of what most people go through in life. He is from the east coast and writes about places there I know well. Another lure for his books.
Another book I loved is called The Lovely Bones by Alice Seebold (later made a movie about it that is also good) about a girl who was murdered, and the story was narrated by her, or her spirit, so to speak. Both books are not easy reads, given the subject matter, but two of the best I have ever read. I found them fascinating about how these authors narrated them from another's view.
I wrote a short story in a class I took about this time last year about a coal miner and a mine collapse, based on a story from my paternal grandfather. My writing teacher really thought it was really good.
Thank you for asking! I know I will have lots more to share on this as the year goes on. The calling to write more is getting bigger now.
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BB- I think stories about adversity and overcoming things are what people really need this days. I like the potential name of your book. Not sure I have a name for my book in mind yet.
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I am in with you girls, no interest in men or dating, my life is busy, happily single.......kaza xx
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BB- I am more interested right now in taking care of me, my home and my business. I am not looking for love or romance either. I am really trying to put my well being first for a change.
I do enjoy "calgon take me away book" too, and am finishing a book I started during the holidays called Christmas Train. It has a romance story of love found, lost and found again. It has been light and I like stories that involve trains too.
I just finished putting my guest bathroom back together, which also has an open linen closet. In the process, I pulled out half the stuff there to donate and now it is much better. Now to put that stuff in bags and get it out of the house. Purging feels good.
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kasa welcome,
Jazz you definitely inspire us I live readying your post. You are always in a great spirit.
Bb, I am so glad you feel better too. I used to read books before and then stopped when I lost faith lol all the books I usedbto read were very spiritual and somehow like jazz once my luck turned dark I stopped believing in many things including all the books I read. Specially the conversation with God triology I felt as if all the books were bs. But I ll love to start readying again I ll look for these books you mentioned here jazz. Thanks for sharing
I am home now. And tmw I ll start at 9 so 9 to 5 that way I ll sleep till 6 or 7 yaaaay lol
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End of the day here and made some good organizing and decluttering progress today. Tomorrow I have apts so I will do less at home, but it is good to take breaks too.
Enerva- I have all these self help/inspiration books and took them down off my bookshelf as I undid my home office last weekend. As I did so, I thought how much I don't even remember much from reading any of those books. Some books I love and will keep, but think many are going to one of the local places that takes used books. I am going to keep the ones I remember as good resources and reference for the future. I feel less inclined to buy those books now. Now I like to just read books for pure enjoyment.
Going to a yoga class at the gym tonight. I think it will be a good way to end the day.
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Hi Enerva, thank you for the welcome,
I feel blessed to have all you lovely ladies here. kaza x
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good morning, happy Friday!!! I feel nothing can make me unhappy today lol I slept till 6 am n that was good. Managed no to wake up at 3. I am not sure why but for the past week I have been waking up at 30am them not able to go bak to sleep. Just like it was when chemo. I think it's the stress from work. Ill have a better day today.
Kasa, yes me too this treat and insomnia tread are my savior. No matter what we always come back here to vent or share happy experiences
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Kasa- welcome to our thread! Nice group of ladies here, and we talk about all kind of things here that are sometimes unique to the life of the single woman. We come in all shapes and sizes here, from women who have never been married, to those that are coming through a divorce, still raising children, etc. I hope you like it here with us! Like Enerva says, it is a place to talk when things are not good, to share our good moments, questions about ongoing treatment, our hopes and dreams, you name it.
Enerva- I hope today goes quickly for you. TGIF, right?
I was thinking about you on my way home from yoga last night and wondering when the weather gets better where you live? In other words, when is it spring in Ontario? I was thinking you are going to be able to ride your motorcycle in a few more months. I know how much you love that new bike.....
BB- I have been wanting to ask you since you are feeling better if you are able to exercise more these days? I remember you had been wanting to do more, but just were not feeling well enough to do so. I think you may have a little gym at the place where you live?
Life- how is the preparation going? When is your court date?
Milky- are you out there and doing okay?
I have a luncheon with my last client today to introduce her to a colleague who may be able to help them with some other type of work that is not my thing. The luncheon was supposed to happen last week, but didn't because one of the usual fire drills came up and last minute cancellations they love to do. Not my client's fault, it is her management that does this and they are great at wasting people's time sometimes.
I suggested we try for today and confirmed yesterday we are still good to go. I want to make the introduction as I think it will go better for both my client and colleague, but then I am stepping out of it. My friend/colleague is self employed like me and had some of her work unexpectedly dry up last fall, so she has been needing some new work and it seems like this client is now ready to have the conversation.
I hope everyone here has a good ending to this week.
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Enerva- oh and I wanted to tell you waking up in the middle of the night becomes more common as you get older. I started waking up more in my 40s at night, sometimes just to use the bathroom, other times I cannot get back to sleep for hours. It may be changing hormones, and it may be work, or both. There are times I am able to sleep through the night without any problem, and other times I do wake up every night (happening again to me recently). I don't have the stress of work right now, so I think it is just the hormones.
I hope you can get some rest this weekend, or are you showing homes?
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BB- I wondered if you had had that apt yet. What about the dizziness, is that still a problem? I hope your tests give you some answers, but don't show anything else serious. Keep us posted. As I always say, the gym is there for us when we are ready.
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Hi BosumBlues and Jazzygirl thank you for the welcome....BosumBlues, i am sorry you are suffering with the dizziness and i am hoping they hurry your tests along so you do not have to wait too long.....Jazzygirl, and Enerva hoping you have some settled nights......
I feel being single, is less stressful , we can concentrate on ourselves and getting ourselves feeling well without having to worry about how someone else is going to cope
kaza x
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BB- sorry to hear about the extra tests, and hopefully everything will be okay and you can go ahead and have the recon you are waiting for. Keep us posted, I can hear the worry in your post. Take it one day at a time right now.
My lunch went well today and my client seemed to enjoy her outing with us, and think my friend may have a shot at the work. I was glad to make the introductions.
I learned later from my friend afterwards that her relationship with a guy she has been seeing for six months ended around New Years. Apparently there was someone from the past who came into his life again he really wanted to be with, so he ended it suddenly. I can tell she is irked, but also not devastated by it. We have all been through too much to just know you need let it go and move on.
To your point Kaza, I think focusing on our own wellness and self care is what matters the most now.
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hi, jazz thanks for telling me about the sleeping been tide to hormones that must be what is happening. I ll have the results for my ultrasound this coming Wednesday hope all ok.
No open houses apparently winter is just very slow.
I ll try to relax this weekend. I ll meet a friend on Sunday. I haven't seen her in years. I haven been able to exercise maybe I ll start this weekend, I just watched a movie with my love channin and it was kind of sad. A history about an athlete whom a millionaire man sponsored him and let him down.
I am hopping I font wake up at 3 tonight but at least I ll be ok to sleep in.
One of the ladies in the insomnia tread I'd having a hard time due to been in the hospital after breaking her foot ;(
Oh yes me too I have been thinking of milky, hope she is ok maybe still on vacation.
Bb, hope your test turn out ok.
Good night
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Enerva- I hope you sleep well and that you can get some rest this weekend. I hope you can find some better movies. Have you seen the movie, ONCE? It is a movie musical and really good and think you would really love it. If you have Netflix, then hopefully you can find it there. If you want a funny movie, rent White Chicks. It is hilarious.
I got a message when I got home today from the MO's office today to call them. They were going to check on Prolia shots to help with my bone health. I hope that is what the call is about, and that there was nothing of concern with my blood work I had done when I was there on the 5th. I decided not to obsess about it, but you know, easier said than done. Will let you guys know what I hear on Monday.
I also know of the woman you speak of who broke her foot. She is on another thread with me, and heard about it through some of the other women there. I did PM her but no response back. I will check the Insomniacs thread to see what is going on there. She has been having a rough time for awhile.
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jazz, I just saw this post I was out all day. Did you call your mo? I have been worried myself just thinking about my ultrasound last week. I ll know on Wednesday unless I get a call on Monday. I watch a sad movie with my channin and tonight I just finished crocheting a hat and ll try to sleep now. Yes the bc sister is having a hard time
hope she answers you.Bb hope you are ok
Milky you too and life and June, also Tessa and kasa
Have a good night
Oh my poor sister had two days of diariah, scarry but finally stopped I worry chemo is doing a # on her ;(
Night night
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