A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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The topic of forgiveness came up in a PM and I'd like to bring it to the wider group, because it's been important to me.
While many bco members have had only good medical experiences with treatments, medications and practitioners, many of us have been severely injured, some with life threatening and long lasting wounds to the physical body and traumas to our souls.
I'm in the latter group as I've had hundreds of medical interventions and over 40 surgical procedures since being a baby.
Something was bound to go wrong sometime and many things did too often. Some was due to ignorance and neglect, some to lack of safe, effective options, other due to stubborn refusal to respond to my obvious suffering. These wounds included psychic wounds as I was told for many years that it was all in my head, even when there were visible disease signs and symptoms.
Because I have to keep going back for medical care, often to the same practitioners who injured me, I coined the term, medical mid-traumatic stress disorder (MMTSD) and have been consciously working with it for over 20 years.
The Somatic Experiencing work of Peter Levine, my own meditation and mind-body revisioning and the practice of forgiveness have been helpful in going beyond my inner victim's harsh story line about bad things always happening to me.
But, it's not just about me forgiving those who've injured me. Instead, there's a synergy of acknowledging their human strengths and weaknesses (doctors aren't gods or priests, but fallible humans) and receiving consistently good, loving and competent care from my providers. I only see trustworthy practitioners.
Even if they have small tool boxes and can't address all my needs, establishing trust based on repeated interactions brings the healing balm of forgiveness, mellowing what might otherwise be a harsh encounter. The forgiveness seems to work both ways, because many doctors are wounded by their inability to heal all ills and feel stifled by a system that doesn't recognize their call to heal and their human inability to do so.
I wish similar healing for all who've been injured in medical interactions, whether patient or practitioner.
xxx
Today, I find myself needing to forgive my sweet, dear body.
While I may be a long term survivor of breast cancer and a longer term survivor with my rare genetic disorder, I can still get thrown by change.
I've lost 4# in the past two weeks, 20# during the past six months that I've been draining my belly. Actually, I've lost nearly 400# of liter bags of ascites that I've drained at home. This has been such an intense process and while I thought I was handling it well, the fluid has turned from yellowish to blood-tinged and I'm worried today.
The message I'm getting is that I must forgive and accept this too - hold these hurt feelings as gently as I hold my hurting body.
xxx
btw, I decided not to go for the DWD drugs now. I know how to get them later, if I decide to go that route, but I need/want to focus my attention and energy on consciously approaching dying and death, not plotting my escape route. To re-phrase Woody Allen, "I don't mind dying and I really, really want to be there when it happens."
Thank you for "listening". Loving my humanness and forgiving my body and my inability to be fully and immediately accepting of all my body suffers is my current challenge. Knowing that you're there helps me to be present with what is.
great gratitude, Stephanie
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Stephanie, if I could, I would take you and your dear resilient body into my arms, tubes and all, and hold you as gently and healingly as I possibly could.
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HI Patty,
I know that you've been really busy lately, but I've been wondering about what you wrote earlier about bone mets and how your MO thinks they do kill people.*
Did your MO by chance share any stories about how this happens, now that hypercalcemia is much less common thanks to the bisphosphonate drugs?
I only have a few bone mets and lots of inner involvement in my torso, so I think I know how I'm likely to die, but I'm wondering for a couple of dear friends who are bone mets only.
Thanks for replying if you have the time and energy, Patty.
And thanks for your kind consideration in all your bco posts.
warm hug, Stephanie
* Feb 21, 2016 09:11PM PattyPeppermint wrote:
ive heard that many times you won't die with just bone mets. My mo strongly disagrees with this.
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Have you heard of Death Valley's February 2016 superbloom? For a glimpse check out this short video --
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJbcWFTBn08#t=37
"There are so many seeds out there just waiting to sprout, just waiting to grow....
When you get the perfect conditions, the perfect storm so to speak, those seeds can all sprout at once....
Death Valley really does go from being a valley of death to being a valley of life.....
But it's so brief, because it's not a permanent thing, it's just temporary, it's here for a moment, then it fades....
It's a privilege to be able to be here and see one of these blooms because very few people get to see it and it is incredible....."
When I watched this video and read about the Death Valley superbloom, I thought of the beauty of nature in general and when it arises in unexpected places....our individual lives bringing us opportunities to sprout and grow even in the midst of trying conditions....the "perfect storm" that brings so many of us here to this topic, where we have the right conditions in place for nurturing one another and growing....how being in the valley of death still involves being in the valley of life....how our earthly lives and our connections with each other are temporary but meaningful....how being alive is truly a privilege and how being with others as they face fading and dying is a privilege as well.
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Stephanie- I second Bestbird.. if I could spend the day with you ease your burden in some way I would... a hug, a cup of tea a bit of conversation. I get the Woody Allen quote and it made me laugh. I was terrified of dying in my own vomit just 2 weeks ago and scrambled to get my paperwork for DWD meds in and the script in my hands. I had neighbors come over and hug and wish me well and to say their goodbyes. Then the faslodex appeared to be working... who knew. I know better then to expect more then a day at a time.
I just pulled off 775cc and Tuesday it was 900 of ascites. Normally I would pull off a full to bursting container 1100 plus. So the fluid is decreasing. My fluid started out being the color of dark beer, very alarming color. Now it's straw colored. The color has been all over. When I was sick and really putting out fluid it was very dark. Yesterday I went to the oncologist and my tumor markers had dropped 132 points in 2 weeks of flaslodex. How long this will last I have no idea. I am just riding this unexpected turn of events and hoping to be well enough to enjoy my DD3's 15th birthday and our 27th wedding anniversary the end of March. I am speechless with gratitude at this unexpected turn of events. My onc nurse gave me a hug yesterday. The only disconcerning side effect is 3+ pitting edema in my feet, ankles and shins.
I too want to be awake and aware when I pass, but when the cancer's grip closed off part of my intestines and everything backed up the vomiting and misery that caused made me reconsider riding it out. I am glad now I have the option in my drawer when symptoms can't be controlled enough. DWD meds have given me an extra measure of peace and control. For now I will ride on faslodex wings, stay off hospice and support everyone here as best as I am able. I have spent much time on this path and send you all lovingkindness and warmth.
Special hugs and love to Blondie, M360, Stephanie, Tobycc, and all those whose names I have forgotten.
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Lulubee- welcome and what an experience you have had. We hope you contribute and feel welcome here.
Brenda- the superbloom in Death valley was amazing! Thank you for sharing that video clip. 27 years ago My DH and I went through Arches National Park in Utah in the first 2 weeks of May. The desert was in bloom and it was spectacular! Yellow cactus blooms and red Indian paintbrush... purples and whites and yellows. I had never seen a desert and was enchanted by the rock formations and splendor of the area. Hardly seemed real it was so fragile and lovely.
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Rosevalley, what beautiful news to hear that your TMs have dropped and that your ascites are diminishing a bit! As the saying goes, "Who would've thunk?" What joy there is in those words, given the context! Although it is still early days, a move in the right direction is cause for celebration!
With a smile and a big gentle hug!
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Rose, much tender gratitude to you for sharing so openly about your experiences with hospice, insurance, "DWD" meds, feeling as if cancer is a hunter. You sound as if you are both hoping to enjoy what more life has to offer and making reasonable plans for the end of your life. Takes determination, to say the least. I'm hopeful that you practice compassion and patience with yourself.
Lulubee, tender admiration for you no longer holding back from posting. Isn't it interesting how each of us uses our own particular language in describing our experiences and how we envision the end of life? I was thinking of your phrase "lift-off from the edge" and imagining how I would like to feel at the end. My image is one of standing on the edge, with my back facing the great unknown, then just letting go and falling backward into the "arms of the universe" as I lovingly gaze (internally, externally, doesn't matter) upon the love of my life and upon my life as love. Will I even be aware if/when I let go and fall?
Stephanie, I am struck and deeply moved by your post regarding woundedness, trauma, victimhood, forgiveness, trust, acceptance. Your statement, " Today, I find myself needing to forgive my sweet, dear body" resonates deeply and meaningfully for me. You take great risks in making yourself vulnerable and trusting that others will honor your openness and vulnerability, that they/we(!) can be trusted not to hurt you. It reminds me of a quote by Schopenhauer: "The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party, when the masks are dropped." Although I think many of us strived to drop our masks and be authentic before the end of life, how many of us feel an even greater need to do so when we face the end? I hope it brings you comfort to know that your presence is held kindly and gently and respectfully by so many of us here.
Thinking of your challenge with forgiveness....Years ago I experienced not only a deep sense of betrayal by my body but also an inability to trust it to be resilient in any way. Through very intensive personal exploration and body-centered psychotherapy, I was able to find a place of peace that allowed me to experience greater respect for my resilience. That's when I learned about the concept of healing into death, which I have puzzled over but also generally accepted over the years. My recurring struggle has been with feeling "less than" and with trying to prove myself worthy. I move in and out of that struggle--nowadays more out than in--and I accept that it may be a recurring struggle until the end. Just as I encourage others to think that foregoing treatment and focusing on end of life quality is a form of acceptance--not "giving up"--I also accept this struggle. I no longer place pressure on myself to resolve all issues that trouble or unsettle me before I die. Not achieving resolution does not mean that I am "less than" or "unworthy." It means that I am human, a real person, one still capable of experiencing a transcendent yet absolutely ordinary death.
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Roseville and Stephanie, very moved by your attitude toward life and death-- while gracefully and perfectly accepting and preparing for death to occur at any moment, still embracing and appreciating life with all strengths and vast imagination no matter how wild it could be. You are simply beautiful!
Rosevalley, I am so thrilled to learn that you have made a significant turn on this ride. I cannot express how happy I am!
Stephanie, I trust your will have a very smooth, slow speed, comfortable, and graceful ride. You will make it happen because you are you, incredibly strong and resourceful!
(will continue, I need to leave for now)
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Brenda, thank you. Together with Rosevalley and Stephanie, you are the analytic light on this thread, constantly redefining, underlining, and emphasizing the purposes, meaningfulness, and the spiritual, ethical, and aesthetic dimensions of this thread. And it is especially you who, by analyzing the posts you read, encouraged many to participate in the profound dialogue here.
All who have posted here, thank you. I am learning from you all.
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Rosevalley,
How wonderful. Absolutely - the birthday and anniversary
I don't post here often but read with much interest for insight and guidance for the future. The women here are profoundly insightful.
Nel
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Hi everyone,
Thank you for your kindness and ability to reflect back to me during my time of stress & derangement. I seem to be falling into a new order within myself, adjusting to my slowly changing situation. Something distressing about blood where it shouldn't be! And flesh vanished somewhere. Never mind cancer where I wish it weren't. But these things are and I know acceptance is a better reaction than battling for me. Both require a sort of pulling oneself up to meet the challenge, but there is that period of collapse and feeling like, dear God, this too? Really, are you kidding me?
Sometimes I need to rely on the strength of others, when I feel mine has slipped away. Thanks for being part of my basket, along with my in-person human companions who don't know this advanced cancer journey as well as you, my sister companions.
And nature is there for me, strong and sure, even when I feel battered by it - the weather, winter, drought, unpleasant conditions. Nature's dying times remind me that my dying time is part of the cycle of life and I'm grateful to belong to a greater reality than what's described in materialistic modern medicine. Nature reminds me that death is part of the process, not the loss of a battle or an affront to modern, heroic medicine.
Also, it's been many years that I've used decreasingly strong medicines and interventions for sustaining life and containing cancer. (remind me to tell you about 2 years on estrogen for hormone-positive bc). I more and more come to accept that I'm "higher-powered", rather than self-willed. The life energy that runs through me isn't personal, but feels divine, that I'm part of some larger unfolding. When I make myself available to it, Thy will not mine be done, then things go okay. Resistance leads to trouble though.
I want to share this, because I don't hear/read/see many advanced cancer folks sharing similar experiences.
Yet, if someone had told me to "go with the flow, the unfolding" and to "follow the light" when I've died, I believe I could have saved years of struggle.
Maybe this meditation on acceptance will be useful to someone else sometime somewhere.
I'll meet you there!
Much love bco friends, Stephanie
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HI Patty,
I see from your thread that you've been in hospital, dealing with big problems and writing about how people die of bone mets is the least of your concerns.
So, I looked it up online and found 2 references that sort of explained it (quotes first, links follow):
In addition to bone pain, breakage, weakness and loss of function due to replacement of healthy bones, bone mets can lead to:
- "Loss of appetite, nausea, thirst, constipation, tiredness, or confusion. These are all signs that there may be high levels of calcium in the blood. Bone metastases can cause a release of calcium into the bloodstream. This condition is called hypercalcemia. If you have these symptoms, you should tell a doctor or nurse right away. If untreated, they may cause a coma.
- "Other symptoms. If bone metastasis affects your bone marrow, you may have other symptoms related to decreased blood cell counts. Your red blood cell levels may drop, causing anemia. Signs of anemia are tiredness, weakness, and shortness of breath. If white blood cells are affected, you may develop infections. Signs of infection include fevers, chills, fatigue, or pain. If the number of platelets drops, bruising or abnormal bleeding may occur."
Understanding Bone Metastases When Cancer Spreads to the Bones
xxx
"When cancer is growing in the bone marrow, then eventually there will not be enough healthy bone marrow to make blood cells. This will cause anemia (not enough red blood cells) and not enough oxygen will be carried around the body. It will also cause a drop in white blood cells. As these fight infection, it becomes more and more difficult for the body to keep bacteria and viruses under control. A drop in platelets will prevent the body from controlling any abnormal bleeding."
Also, people with bone mets only can get cachexia, muscle and flesh wasting that kills, "this may be due to toxins that get released into the body - either from the tumor cells or in response to the tumor cells."
How does cancer actually kill a person ?
So, it makes sense. It may require a longer time or certain circumstances for bone mets to become fatal, but it can and does happen, even if the mets don't affect vital organs.
Patty, keep on healing and being wonderful you!
warm wishes for all, Stephanie
P.S. Heidihill shared another article about how patients can die of bone mets only:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topics/...
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Defining the illness trajectory of metastatic breast cancer
BMJ Support Palliat Care doi:10.1136/bmjspcare-2012-000415
This is the first study to systematically study the events that unfold for women with metastatic breast cancer in the context of current treatment.
free full text article
Am looking through my bookmarks for a different resource, but found this one...pretty sure I wrote about illness trajectories and dying here recently.
best, Stephanie
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Stephanie- It resonates with me what you and Brenda both shared about acceptance of the frailty and break down of the body during this cancer journey. I myself have struggled with the frustration and uncomfortable feelings... the drain tubing, dressing, crusting around the opening, the port being accessed and the dressing tight on my shoulder, can't lay on the left because of the drain, right shoulder crunches the port.. the fullness of ascites on the gut, bladder, NV from cancer invading the intestines and thickening the walls not allowing smooth passage of food, fluids or stool. There is a lot of discomfort and feeling like your precious vehicle (the tried and trusty body) has failed you and needs the shop more then the open road! I try to be loving and accepting of my body's struggle to maintain itself and "me" with it. I fail at this frequently feeling frustrated and let down. it is hard to look at my old 57 year old body with love and acceptance and not sorrow and sadness.
The never ending cancer struggle with treatments and drugs and radiation and all the side effects it all entails can really take it's toll. I read a story once about a Quaker man who refused to treat his cancer. "I am Quaker"' he told the doctor and "I don't kill anything." He left and would assume died of his cancer. How clear cut the journey and choices when you have an absolutely clear path sighted and chosen. I find cancer rarely affords those engaged in treatment such clear easy paths. The longer we are on this road the harder the paths, the foggier and less visabilty the road ahead shows us! Sometimes it seems we travel at night with no clear sighted way... darkness and a flicker of stars our guides. It's a crap shot. Sometimes the concept of release and dying letting go of this life and gently joining the great fold has it's attraction! No more struggle and grasping. Thank you for sharing your inner struggles while on hospice. Your journey and your deep sharing helps me too. It gives me perspective and clarity to hear your words. I am grateful you feel open enough to share and post. Thank you.
I will hold you in the light of lovingkindness and hope it softens the journey. (((gentle hugs))) love rosevalley
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(((Bonnie)))
You've become so very dear to me!
I deeply appreciate you and it doesn't matter one bit whether we do, feel, think or believe different things!
This isn't about agreeing, but supporting one another's standing in our truth, our fullness of being, our very quirky contrariness.
My life is only richer because you've shared your life. And my cottage is looking sparser, because you taught me to gently refuse non-consumable gifts. I'm even weeding out more stuff and going for Zen decor.
Keep being true to you and you'll help us be true to ourselves too.
much love, Bon, Stephanie
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Rosevalley, that was a totally kick-ass post and I love your analogy to our bodies being our vehicles and maybe not as road-worthy as we'd wish.
There's lots about cancer that really sucks, including it being terminal.
But those I've met along the cancer path - extraordinary human beings.
I am so grateful for our depth of presence and sharing with one another.
Rosevalley, not only did you teach me to drain daily (I will be thankful until the end of my life!), but you've helped me define my "lines in the sand" for what I don't feel I want to live with - intractable N&V, brain mets with seizures and personality loss, NG and feeding tubes, #10 pain.
And you gave me a kick in the pants to call Compassion and Choices and find how to end my life without having to move to Oregon. (California's DWD act will take effect later this year, but it's been happening under the radar for years).
I've decided not to get the DWD drugs now, but I'm grateful I know how and that I can, if those lines in the sand hold firm.
But, as you say, as we go along with cancer, what we can and will tolerate changes. I used to say, "no tubes for me" and now I have both a port and a tube hanging out of my belly. Stuff goes in and with some regularity and it's just normal now.
All this in service of life.
Rosevalley, I imagine being a mom and a wife only heighten your commitment to staying alive, well and connected!
Sending much love for you and all who participate here, including our listeners aka silent members.
warm wishes, Stephanie
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To all here, especially Blondie, M360, Kath, Rosevalley, Stephanie, Bonnie, Brenda, wish all a bright, restful, painless, comfortable, and peaceful weekend!
From last fall (right now outside here is still very brown)0 -
Stephanie- it is like the invasion of the body snatchers... all the tubes! I just drained 1100 off. Bummer no decrease but the color is the same. I feel better though. I drank tea, ate a mandarin and an egg! A real breakfast like a normal person. It's a wonderful thing to be able to eate and not feel nauseated and sick. My neighbor brought me flowers yesterday and i hadn't seen her in 2 months. She looked so surprised to see me up and looking more alive than dead. I told her about the new med and the turn around.. hugs. It was so fine to see her. This has been such a roller coaster. Cancer teaches us to be in the present moment whether we like it or not. We get a choice to remain asleep yanked out from under our feet. No sleepy automatic living in cancerland.
Bon I really enjoyed the post from Katz- My Truth. That is exactly what I love (even when I vehemently disagree) about reading the entries of the members here. Most have nothing to lose and feel like if you can't speak truth here then "hang it up." we are all in the same boat on the same cruise. I have struggled with forgiveness of the medical community here and some of the mistakes suffered by our family (multiple members) have destroyed my confidence and belief in the system... I m forever paranoid and there is always a nagging watchfulness with providers that I never can let my guard down. This behavior was learned; I didn't start out this way. A simple apology and acknowledgement of mistakes would have gone a long way to easing my mind, but silence was all I got. I even complained to the state and it got me back a dear Jane medicine isn't Burger King - "You don't get it your way letter." I was shocked thinking there were some checks and balances but there aren't! If you live to tell your story you are one of the lucky ones. I figure I survive for my kids and must have a rather strong life force to have survived so much. I also have had some fantastically good attentive doctors who have made a difference - not all have been blind, assholes. It has been a ride... whew. I kind of miss the sleepy innocent mind set that trusts life - before cancer hit. It was sweet, but alas those days are gone. Learning to forgive mistakes and to trust again is part of my life's work, this I am certain.
Xavo- what gorgeous hydrangeas! Thanks for sharing!
Hugs and much love to all. rosevalley
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I'm catching up with this thread and Rosevalley, your good news has made me smile. Yes, your life force is undeniable… every one of your posts reinforces this. I wish you much more time with your family and a beautiful Spring.
Love the hydrangeas, Xavo… that blue is gorgeous.
Thinking of everyone here, and wishing you all a peaceful weekend…
Rose.
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Hey I got a PM from Blondie and she could use extra prayers. She was in the hospital but is out now. Still in hospice. It was good to hear from her and I didn't get permission to post but folks love her too much to miss an opportunity to send prayers and lovingkindess her way, so I am posting on her behalf. Lots of love your way Blondie!
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thanks rose. I was worried about her. Glad you had a real breakfast!
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Zills- Unfortunately I pushed the stomach and intestines too far and tried a PB/J 1/2 sandwich and threw up majorly.. no peanut butter I think is the lesson here. oy... back to boost until I am recovered. OMG I hate puking it's just the worst. Nausea and vomiting is just the worst. I hope this is a mini set back. Sigh I was doing so well.
I was very glad to hear from Blondie and to know she is out of the hospital.She's of course not better but stable with hospice. I hope comfortable and free from suffering. Prayers and petitions for well being will help her I am sure. Have a good weekend.
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Good to hear that Blondie was able to go home from the hospital...thanks for the update on her, Rose. Sorry pbj was a bit too much...but I'm amazed you had the courage to try it! Hope your tummy settles back down! Prayers for all.
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HAPPY MARCH, EVERYONE! We made it through another winter. I'm sending big bunches of virtual daisies to every one of you!
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Thank you, Lulubee!
This group has been often in my thoughts and always in my heart now that our living and dying have touched one another.
I've been remembering our listeners or silent members, aware that there've been over 2000 views of this topic in less than a week. That's a whole lot more views than posts and a lot, lot more viewers than writers.
I often wonder about how this group serves the needs of those who don't respond in writing, but do join together.
And am gladdened to hear that some are strengthened and reassured whether the dying contemplated is their own or a loved one's.
I am thankful for the listening participation of these silent members and believe that your interest in writers' process, progress and resources are important to the whole of this bco community.
Thank you all for your participation.
May all find peace, loving kindness and liberation from suffering.
warm love, Stephanie
Loving Kindness Meditation by Stephen Levine
Meditation Instructions
Traditionally this meditation begins with the self. In the world culture it is very difficult for many people to offer loving wishes to themselves so we begin with one to whom it is easier to offer such thoughts and then come around to the self. This is not forgiveness, which is a further step, but only opening your heart to the pain, the pain of all beings, and wishing them well There is no wrong or right way to do this practice. If resistance arises, simply note it and re-enter the meditation in whatever way you are able. You are not requested to dive all the way in but only to enter as deeply as is comfortable.
As you work with this practice, please modify it and make it your own.
To be read to/by a friend or done by oneself. Space indicates a pause. The word "pause" indicates a longer pause.
Find a comfortable position, body relaxed, back erect, eyes closed softly.
Bring to the heart and mind the image of one who for whom there is loving respect. This may be a dear friend, parent, teacher or any being with whom the primary relationship is one in which you have been nurtured.
Look deeply at that being, deeper than you ever have before, and see that he or she has suffered. He has felt pain of the body or the heart. She has known grief, loss and fear. He has felt loneliness and disconnection. She has lost and confused. See the ways this dear one has suffered.
Speaking silently from the heart, note this one's pain, offering first the name:
You have suffered. I see how you have felt alone, afraid, in pain. You have felt grief. You have felt alienated, felt your heart closed. Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished for.
What loving thoughts can you offer this dear one? Let the thoughts come with the breath, arising and moving out.
May you be free of suffering.
May you be happy.
May you love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May you find peace.
continued at:
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I am just going to sneak in with a brief comment. Several years ago there was a big controversy, and forums were divided by stages.....with the particular warning on threads posted in the Stage IV Forum, that they were for Stage IV ONLY and that others should not post here. But I do want you to know that many are following your journeys; thinking of you, praying for you, and are also taking away lessons for our own lives. As death is a certainty for all; it is incredibly meaningful to know that there is this place with meditations, practical advice, frustrations, thoughts on all sorts of issues that can help the rest of us organize our own priorities, ideas, and philosophies as we wrestle with our own mortality and the mortality of those we love. So thank you all. You will never know how much good your reflections bring now, and will continue to bring far into the future.
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Ruthbru- Thank you for that post. I too feel that this is a universal journey (D & D thread) and the thoughts, struggles and sources of comfort- religious perspectives, poems, stories, meditations, prayers and sharings help us all work through and sort out our feelings and fears. We become more thoughtful and consider more when we can read and talk about death and dying out in the open free from fetters and discuss what happens to us and our loved ones. Making sense of it all is a lot of work. This forum has helped me and I can believe easily that it helps others who love and will lose their loved ones and maybe their own life. Here we honor the path and open the lines of communication. Blessings to those who post and to those who read. Lovingkindness to all. Thanks to BCO for the opportunity to have a forum.
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I agree Ruthbru. I have this favorited to follow people's journeys not just for handling it all but to say a prayer for everyone.
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Stephanie, I am one of the many viewers but infrequent writers.The guidelines on this forum are very strict and intimidating. I post very infrequently because I do not wish to break the rules.
I came here to learn how to take care of my mother, Stage IIIA(+?), and my friend/neighbor, Stage IV, mets to bones, brain and spinal column.
I have learned a lot on this forum, especially from you, Stephanie, and Rosevalley, and SkyLotus. I've learned so much about acceptance, and changing myself, and how to really listen to others.
I also care deeply about the ladies on this forum. Some of the Stage IV ladies I've met in other forums, and I come to the Stage IV forum, and to this and other threads to support them. I met you Stephanie on the positive genetic test results and enjoyed our PMs. I became friends with PattyPeppermint on the games forum, and was surprised and saddened to see she has been in the hospital. I met Bon and others on the **AMEN** thread. And I've met so many others here on D&D.
I respect this thread. The ladies here are always in my thoughts and in my prayers. I support them as much as I can and I try not to be intrusive. I'm glad to hear Blondie is out of the hospital. I don't know Blondie very well yet. I hope Patty comes home from the hospital soon. I miss Patty. I'm so glad, Rosevalley, that you are getting relief from the N/V. May that trend continue. I'm so frustrated by your struggles with hospice. Hospice was so good for our Nana and my dear friend Ann. It never occurred to me that hospice would be less than that for you.
Wishing loving, peaceful days and restful nights to all.
Mominator
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