A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
-
Stephanie, I am new to the stage 4 threads. While I do not post a lot, I read daily. I visit this thread specifically looking for your posts. I hope you are aware of what you have given all of us. I learn from you and am humbled. Acceptance was something you posted recently that I took to heart. I thank you for your posts. You are incredible.
Mary Anne
0 -
Hi ladies. I am one of the lurkers to this thread. I have been reading it for many years and silently offered up hundreds of prayers.
I am stage iv and for the most part don't feel like the end is near. However I have had several bumps in the road recently and ended up in the hospital. That has led me to give more thoughts about the end and actively dying.
I treasure the words that have been written here. It helps to know that there is nothing that I have thought or felt that has not been shared by others.
Thank you to all the sisters who have opened up and shared their journey.
0 -
I also read this thread and keep all of you in my thoughts and in my heart. The wisdom that pours out of many of you never ceases to amaze me. This thread is deep and contemplative and always tugs at my heart. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life lately and many of your posts give me comfort. I tried very hard to make sure that my father's death was dignified and that he did not suffer.
The doctor on call at the nursing home he was in (and where he ultimately passed) for a short time after the hospital sent him there saying he needed intensive occupational therapy prior to sending him home could have cared less for my Dad's comfort in his final hours. But, a nurse went above and beyond and administered pain meds to him (he was unconscious but clearly in a lot of pain and moaning and weeping!) despite the order not yet written. She said she knew that the doctor would eventually write the order as she has seen this before, and would be damned if she was going to let this "sweet man" suffer for one moment more than necessary!
She administered the meds prior to the order being written and risked her very job. I was so grateful as a peace came over him after that and he looked like the pain lifted. He died about 5 hours later so I know that the pain meds did not hasten his death but rather made him comfortable in his final hours. I did write a letter to the nursing home citing her compassion and the way she treated my dad (not mentioning that she gave him the meds early of course) and told them she was a wonderful nurse and they were lucky to have her. My dad's fever spiked to 106.8!!! That was a reading in his ear so it was probably even higher! He was fine the day before, which was Father's Day and I spent several hours with him. I am still processing how he turned that corner so quickly - from eating ice cream to death in less than 24 hours. Life is so very tenuous and I guess I look for answers and find none so this place helps me process the steps toward final days.
I hope each and every one of you find peace with whatever path you take on this journey we are all on. I know that your path is likely shorter than some of us, but so meaningful and important to me. Hugs to all. Stephanie, M-360, Bon, Brendatrue, Rosevalley, Blondie (who I do know a little bit) and all of you wonderful ladies, please know that there are many of us holding you in our hearts each day even if we don't post here as we do not wish to intrude on such a private conversation between all of you who have MBC. As evidenced by Noni above, even my DCIS does not make me immune to one day hearing that I have MBC which is the proof that this disease is so unpredictable. Hugs and know I care.
0 -
Yesterday, I had a series of amazing meetings of the heart which I'd like to share here, because they're related to the topic.
A dear friend unexpectedly showed up en route home from her MIL's death yesterday morning. The MIL had Parkinson's and had been on hospice for less than a month. Was ready to go and kept asking for "the shot". It only took 3 more days until her body failed, but her personality, soul and spirit stayed strong until the end. She was able to speak with each of her children, heal relationships, relax into their care and have a beautiful death.
My friend came with that blown open look, not of fear and distress, but looking like she'd just fallen in love - blissed out.
She also came with a message for me, "Stephanie, your death is going to be magnificent."
Who knows?
But I took that as good tidings.
A short while later, the hospice doctor came and we also had an amazing conversation. He asked a series of questions about how I'm doing with everything - How do I see my situation now? Have I done all I hope to do? Anything undone? What am I doing for my being/soul/spirit (he called this ice cream)? Any regrets? What do I long for? What are my days and nights like?
Yes, he's an MD, but I'd say he's a whole-person MD. His wife is my acupuncturist and she'd been encouraging our meeting throughout my 4 months on hospice, because we'd both benefit.
I realized that I am complete with life, but life isn't complete with me.
My meaning and purpose for many years has been serving my local cancer communities and my international, online community of those who share my rare genetic condition. I want to be completely used up and useful to the greater whole until I die and even after I die.
My next meeting was with author Stephen Jenkinson. I'd seen a film about him years ago that really helped me frame what I might accomplish for my communities through my dying and death.
Griefwalker film about Stephen Jenkinson – 70 minutes, free
I also appreciated his 400+ page book, because it challenges the notion that death is a waste, the losing of a battle, the end of hope. Instead, he argues both forcefully and persuasively, that it can be an act of maturation, a gift to our survivors who will then hold us as ancestors. We can connect through and in death, even if the physical body isn't there to interact with any longer.
Die Wise – A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul
By Stephen Jenkinson
Yesterday, I listened to a 30-minute interview with Jenkinson and really appreciated much of what I'd already heard and read, but especially relevant were his reflections on DWD. Instead of the polarized arguments offered by groups like Compassion & Choices, The Catholic Church and Not Dead Yet!, he explored the underlying assumptions about death that lead to euthanasia (the good death). His is a slightly philosophical exploration, but also a practical one that seeks to restore death to its role in the cycles of life and death.
Gail Rubin and Stephen Jenkinson
This reminded me of a headier, but still relevant video on language, assisted suicide and society
My conversation with the hospice doctor reminded me of the unanticipated unfolding of my dying as I've outlived multiple prognoses by many years, even a lifetime. I can't even imagine what's next for me. But I can lean into faith, hope and trust. I can live in the unfolding moments and process. I can stay with my breath, even when it's severely compromised by lung and pleural mets. I know I can, because I have.
And I can't know how I will die, but I can be committed to dying as healing, loving kindness, an act of service and connection with those who'll survive me. And those who I hope to meet sooner or later on the other side.
Wanted to share this this morning, since it's so close to me now.
Thank you everyone who joined this conversation through reading and writing. As Bon says, we're all mortal and however we got to this thread, in whatever condition, for ourselves and/or our loved ones, we all belong. We are all part of the mortal family.
May our living be grace. May our dying be grace. May we belong, even after we're long gone. May we continue beyond our brief lifespans. May we know our place in the pulsing, evolving unfolding whole.
much love, Stephanie
Oh yeah, I'm from California and we really do talk this way!
0 -
Stephanie your life is so full of grace and living that it is hard to imagine you have been in hospice for 4 months. I am humbled and amazed at your life force and thrilled that your hospice team sounds like one that should be copied nationwide! I will investigate your links on Jenkinson as I am unfamiliar. Thank you for sharing your journey it helps us all and you know this! Blessings to you on your journey.
Lovingkindness to M360, Tobycc, Blondie and all others on this path. Love rosevalley
0 -
I just listened to "A Good Good-bye." He brings up some very good points about our culture being death phobic and living as if we will be here for eternity and never die. The battle imagery of "wining and losing.. we all lose the fight" and no one seems to be allowed to die. It is almost as if dying was not a legit ending, when in fact it is our enduring legacy owed to our loved ones - a shared reality like being born. Jenkinson wants us to embrace this reality so that we live well and we die well. I get that.
He definitely thinks in our controlling self determined culture, that we seek with DWD and euthanasia to control what we have no business controlling - death. We "should" allow the process to unfold as our natural ending. I am a bit surprised by this being a nurse. I have witnessed, as I am sure he has, endings of life that were crushingly painful and miserable. How is enduring that helpful to the dying process? When you have a large brain tumor exploding in a closed vault of your skull how are seizures and crushing headaches helpful to your dying and your loved ones watching it? How was my intractable vomiting exploding out my nose and down the front of me choking on my secretions benefiting my dying? I am not doing that now because of a change in meds.. adding faslodex has snatched me away temporarily.
He also made a very good case for the medical community fostering a false sense of "hope." That prolongs "enduring more dying, more treatment, longer death" rather than acceptance of inevitable dying. What does "fighting harder get you?" "More dying and a longer death." This is a very true statement because in December and January my life was so miserable I longed and prayed for death to take me to that place of no more puking, nausea and cancer. I was frustrated that I just wouldn't die. I added faslodex and it is working as much as a panic over trying anything to relieve this miserable puking nauseated existence. Help !! If I can't die then help me live better... something anything.
It is our Buddha nature to live and to breathe. If you are a Mother it is your nature to live and see your children prosper to offer what assistance if you are able that might help them. It is also not at all unreasonable to want to avoid suffering if possible. There isn't something noble about if you suffer more then you get a nicer cloud in heaven, a more noble place next to God. Not that I know this to be true, or does anyone, since to my knowledge no one has died and come to tell us all for certain what the ending really entails. I just have seen enough suffering as a nurse to sink a ship and DWD strikes me as reasonable in some circumstances. I mean if I could just die quietly, my organs shutting down little by little and sleep more, take a little pain med and be comfy- who wouldn't opt for that slow process of shutting down and closing shop? Not all of us are given that option. These last few months has driven that truth home to me in brutal fashion. Maybe I am a fool to try one more treatment and a lucky fool that it appears to be working, but I will take this time and enjoy my present moment with my kids. I am not foolish enough to know it will last. There is no cure. I know. I will die of breast cancer. I also want my DWD meds if the journey includes a monster dose of suffering.
0 -
Hi Rosevalley,
You so got Stephen Jenkinson's number!
He likes to provoke thought, dissent and discussion around our cultural assumptions about dying and death - poking holes in everything from hope to dying as losing a battle. He portrays DWD meds as the end result of a society that values no suffering, no loss of control, no loss of autonomy.
Yet, your perspective, and mine too, are on-the-ground. Not only have we witnessed others' actual, unenviable deaths but have experienced personal extremes of what is intolerable. We are learning day-by-day about our lines in the sand...and how the elements of wind, rain and surf wash away those lines. We are learning as we go and often surprised.
I'm learning to let go of control of many things and focusing on consciousness - what I can stay present for/with.
It's such a wild thing to watch my body leak a liter of bloody fluid into a plastic bag every single day and know that there's nothing I or anyone else can do to stem the leak. There are remedies for pain, nausea and other symptoms of a declining body. But this one I can only witness, report and work with on an energetic/creative/intuitive level.
Letting go of being broken and getting fixed is a big challenge for me.
Even bigger is letting go of my old adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Found myself telling a friend that I couldn't suck on lozenges for cotton mouth because of cavities. To realize, I've probably had my last dental exam and teeth cleaning.
Weird and wild!
Rosevalley, I got two surprise years of mostly stable from estrogen for ER+ cancer and I felt fairly well. I wish you the same with your magic potion Faslodex! Heck, I'll go further, I wish you disease response and a long period of remission.
great gratitude for you and our connection, Rosevalley, Stephanie
0 -
Considerations
Consider comes from the Latin roots - consulting the stars. It may be worthwhile to consider what you might want done with your body after your death. My friend's MIL who died on Thursday morning had her body washed and dressed by her daughters and son who kept the body at home until her intimates were able to come and go. They planned to release it to the mortuary a few hours later.
One of the good things about being under the ongoing care of a hospice or other doctor is avoiding an unwanted autopsy. If one of your doctors can certify that your death was expected, then no autopsy.
How we die where I live
I live in a land of home funerals where bodies are usually washed, dressed and kept on beds of dry ice at home for up to three days after the death. Even in unexpected deaths (overdoses accidents, suicides and murders) that required an autopsy, the bodies are often brought home from the morgue or hospital for preparation and lying in vigil.
Locally, we have Final Passages. In the USA there is Natural Home Funeral Alliance, in Canada there are the Death Midwives, in Australia there is the Natural Death Care Centre and in England soul midwives care for the dying and the newly dead.
If these sorts of initiatives interest you, the magazine Natural Transitions has many resources in its free archives.
My dear friend who died on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving had the good sense to roll off her couch and have her body be found by friends the following Friday. This allowed her both her 3-day vigil as they're called here and the privacy of not having her naked body touched and washed by us. I was able to ward off the coroner's autopsy by telling them about her rheumatic heart and our frequent trips to the ER.
Having participated in many home funerals by both visits and preparing of the body, I consider it a transformative experience and am so grateful that I could help prepare my mother's body, especially because my father's body had been whisked away in the night by the mortuary.
In my magnificent dying I hope that my body can be kept at home for three days, the room redecorated with in-season greenery and flowers (not commercially raised, please) and the space welcoming to my many loved ones who'd like to come to wish me well on my journey.
My personal beliefs are that this will aid in my transition.
What about you?
Having read this far, maybe you're aghast that anyone you know might see, touch, hold your body for even a moment. Maybe you welcome the business-like efficiency of expert strangers. Maybe you don't want your spouse, partner, children or grandchildren to see your dead body...or only your embalmed body at the funeral later.
It's important that you consider the options and spell out what you want, so you don't get what you don't want for yourselves or for others!
Also, if you want extreme measures at the end-of-life, then put that in your POLST or MOLST form.
Feeding tubes?
Cardiopulmonary resuscitation?
Every possible chance for bodily life extension?
Life and death in the ICU?
At home?
You must ask for what you want, not only in your paperwork, but in conversations with those responsible for making decisions when you can't.
Cross your i's, dot your t's and surrender. Life and death bring us to the edge of the expected and drop us over that cliff face. Dangling, we reach for the luscious strawberry and savor its flavor before dropping into the tiger's jaws.
Big hugs everyone and thanks for considering what's best for you now...while you still can.
0 -
I think your posts have been a big help Bon, don't take them off. Same with you Stephanie. I hope you get your wish of 3 untouched days and wild flowers. I am envious of your wonderful hospice team and the gorgeous cottage area you live in.. special place to leave from for sure.
I have read that Buddhist think the body should remain untouched for 3 days so the spirit has time to detach and make it's way from the body. I don't know about this. Having seen almost all my deaths in the hospital they never wait 3 days... barely 3 hours. I just don't know if the number of days matters. I will be cremated. Ashes to be placed under a big Doug Fir in the forest... pull up the moss and make me tree food. Any forest tree will do.
Sometimes I wonder if being placed in a nearby cemetery wouldn't help my kids cope better. They can visit and grieve and leave their sorrows there. There is a cemetery here that we walk the dogs in.. beautiful trees and rhodies, firs, cherries, camillias.. old and lovely. It's a lovely palce. There is a pond and ducks. We have walked there for years. It might be good for the kids. I never wanted anything like that.. no markers, no trace. There is a special place there just for babies and children. My kids were fascinated by that part of the cemetery. I had to explain some of the babies were stillborn and some died early. It's sad but very beautiful and next to the pond. I see folks seem to be comforted by visiting graves. It's not a tradition in my family. I would like to hear thoughts from others who like the idea of being in a cemetery.
0 -
Rose - My mom passed just after my fifth birthday. My grandmother drug me out to the cemetery nearly every time I visited. I dreaded it and resolved to be personally cremated and spread to the four winds. My kids can remember me without going to a cemetery and being sad. Just my opinion. I'm sure others have different,more positive experiences. Hugs.
0 -
I don't have fond memories of Memorial Day at the cemetery either. But my other Gma would take us on picnics and grave rubbings. She was big into genealogy. The other was an obligation and it was hot and muggy and we couldn't be kids. They only went once a year. It's all how it's presented.
Maybe you could have a tree planted somewhere in your memory. Maybe they would like going there. I had it done for my sisters still born. He's buried where they live but the tree is here at home.
Right now my kids think cemeteries are cool. It's fascinating when you're learning to read to see all the different letters and names. It's a cool cemetery with lots of old Irish names.
I don't guess it will matter one way or the other when I'm gone but I'd like them to have the opportunity if they wish. A place to go. It's not about me. It's all about what's best for them.
0 -
On the issue of cremation, my sister's beau of many years died young and suddenly of a heart attack a few years ago. He had a handful of close life-long friends with whom he had taken many motorcycle road trips to lots of beautiful places. These were cherished memories. My sister ordered mini urns when she ordered his urn. She gave each of his close friends one at his memorial party. They have all taken them on trips to places he loved since and sprinkled ashes at many of the places they loved and rode to together. He is in the Grand Canyon, the mountains, the forest...he has gotten to go on many "one last rides" with people who loved him.0
-
Melissa, that is a beautiful idea. It's wonderful to think of him being in so many lovely places.
Zills: you are right, you have to do what would be best for your kids. They might like having a place where they can go and visit you.
0 -
Melissadall- My Aunt did the same thing when her husband died suddenly of a heart attack. He loved to fish, loved lakes, Mexico and special places. So his 2 DD and my Aunt sprinkled his ashes in all the places he loved. I had never heard of that, but it made sense and seemed a lovely tribute; plus they had fun taking him to each favorite spot and casting his ashes to bless the places.
Zillz- my kids love the cemetery too. Fascinated by the comments and pictures on the grave stones. We even have one cemetery in town from the pioneer area and it is quite fascinating to see the waves of flu, wars and sickness that went through the town. It is also amazing the infant mortality before the age of 5.. amazing. Modern medicine has helped very much in keeping children alive to even see adulthood. I haven't any idea how expensive a plot and marker might run. They do keep the place like a garden.. very pretty. Lots of people walk and run through the roads there.
My favorite spots and times were always in the mountains in the wilderness of our old growth forests here in Oregon. It seems a fitting spot to leave my earthly remains, although I will do whatever makes my kids most comfortable and eases their grief. I am going to ask them what would make it easier for them.
farmerlucy- I have also heard some folks saying they are creeped out by cemeteries or they have bad memories around going to them or being made to go. I kind of feel that way about funerals. I went to my Great Grandmother's funeral when I was 5 and didn't realize she was dead or what was death. (I shared too much and deleted some details). I'll go to memorial services but not the other. ugh... The rest of my family has all been cremated. My family never made trips to see grave sites as they were mostly far away.
0 -
Up early with nausea and thinking of my bco friends while I read my email inbox.
Here's a lovely piece on preparing healing spaces, human rooms, for living and dying.
(edit note: I just looked at the website and am horrified to see that patients face a large screen looking at what are supposed to be healing images. Life is healing for me, not pre-selected, recorded images and sounds. Too 1984 for me...but some might enjoy being in a windowless box facing a screen. Give me my sofa with window view of sky, tree and birds - a never ending panorama connected to nature's healing rhythms and cycles.)
My entire cottage and surrounding grounds fit that description.
In spite of being on home hospice and having oodles of medical supplies and drugs in drawers, cabinets and cupboards, my space doesn't look medical. My bed, sofa and, in season, hammocks just look relaxing, not like places to sleep and dream. Or to laze about to bird, plant and sky watch.
Would love to hear from others who've developed their own multi-sensory healing spaces. If you are living with others, this might be a tiny altar or space atop a dresser that reconnects you with self. Or if you're in hospital, it might be something you bring that reminds you of your other life and all you love.
big healing wishes for all, Stephanie
Human Rooms in Palliative Care: Creating multi-sensory healing spaces
Posted on March 4, 2016 by craigbsinclair
"A human room is a space where a vulnerable person or persons can reconnect with self. This process usually occurs after the participant engages with taking control of the environment by selecting sensory elements that appeal to them…"
Hi folks, with the opening of our brand new Albany Community Hospice just around the corner, I've been fortunate to be able to interview Efterpi Soropos, a design consultant who has been pivotal in some of the innovative concepts that are being developed for this modern hospice. Effe's background includes experience in performing arts design, including theatre, dance, music, opera, visual art exhibitions and the broader entertainment industry, with a specialty employing lighting and multi-media in contemporary design. Her work has included a 2013 Churchill Fellowship to develop immersive sensory art projects for health care settings.
What is a human room?
"A human room is a space where a vulnerable person or persons can reconnect with self. This process usually occurs after the participant engages with taking control of the environment by selecting sensory elements that appeal to them from a selection. These could include videos of landscapes or themed animated concepts, a nature based sound or music piece with a range of pre programed lighting sequences. All of these elements have been developed with the aim of immersing the participant completely."
What first got you inspired in the Human Room concept?
"In 2006 my Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 50. During the long periods of hospital visits I was struck at how awful the environments were, and started a process of wondering how I could use my skills to make hospital rooms better, and more importantly to assist people when they are suffering."
Effe has gone on to develop human rooms, or 'multisensory environments' in a range of healthcare settings, including palliative care units. She identifies a range of benefits for users including relaxation, pain relief and reduction, reduced stress and anxiety, emotional release. At a deeper level she identifies the potential for the human room experience to "assist people to engage with image and sound that relates to their biophillic roots". Biophilia has been defined as "the process of integrating nature, visually and literally into architecture and urban planning". There is growing recognition in the medical literature that employing biophillic principles in the design of healthcare settings are associated with stress reduction and increased wellbeing, even when such installations are modest in nature. As you can see from her website, Effe's vision is immersive and holistic, incorporating sound, light, space and soothing movement.
Your hopes for the future?
"I definitely would love to keep developing spaces that suit the needs and environment of hospices and palliative care units. I even think the concept could be incorporated into patient rooms"
If you have seen examples of great design in palliative care settings, or have experiences with patients and families interacting with natural or multi-sensory environments, please let us know by leaving a comment below.
[url]http://palliverse.com/2016/03/04/human-rooms-in-pa...[/url]
0 -
Rosevalley, you can have both. A place where some of your ashes are buried with a marker for your girls and the rest spread under trees for you.
My uncle was a critic in NYC who loved Broadway plays more than life and we spread his ashes in Tin Pan Alley and Lincoln Center but he also has a grave/marker with some of them in an urn for his kids/grandchildren because the plot was bought a long time ago by his Mother for him so he decided to use it with some of the ashes.
Just a thought if you are unsure about this.
0 -
hey patty0 -
Hey Blondie, good to see you and hear from you. Thank s for the PM. Peace my friend.
I ate a few spinach ravioli things and they have made me feel awful. Just puked. I wish my gut would go back to something more normal. I never know what is safe to eat and won't make me miserable. Everything is a risk. Took my reglan and oxy aiting for it to work.. CBD oil too. Life is hard. Sometimes I wonder isit worth all the misery? Big day tomorrow. Oncology appt. in the morning and taking the kids to see a play in the evening. Must pull it together for tomorrow.
Wishing Tobycc, Maureen, Blondie, Stephanie and M360 a peacefull pain free night.
0 -
Hey Blondie!!!
Rose. Sorry about the ravioli. It doesn't agree with me either now. Used to be a fav. In the bag for your appts. Hope you can nap in between. What is the play?
0 -
Thanks, Rosevalley,
I so wish I'd had that pain free night, but it wasn't meant to be.
The hand, foot and leg cramps have returned with a vengeance - little sprites carving my muscles and bones with hot stone knives.
Lots of compassion practice for my suffering body. Lots of compassion for all others sleepless with pain. Lots of compassion for the human condition.
Woke exhausted, nauseous and hungry and ate an egg with leftover asparagus, just so I could take my trusty drugs - Zofran, Tramadol and pancreatic enzymes.
It's weird, my liver hurts a whole lot, but it suits me. It's literally like an ill-fitting suit that stabs, binds and cramps my chest, abdomen and belly both inside and out. But it's a familiar pain, so my body and being sculpt themselves to it. The liver pain of a year becomes as normal as the restricted breath from lung and pleural mets of 8 years. Not friends, but known and accepted companions.
It's the unknown, acute pain that I've got to learn to live with, relaxing its grip with mind-body practices, morphine and other healing allies. Making friends with what seems to be enemies.
And, that's this morning's pain report.
May all be blessed with pain-free days and nights - Rosevalley, Bon, M360, Brenda, Blondie, Tobycc, Maureen and all participants at all stages of this strange breast cancer journey.
Many thanks to everyone who's been writing. I learn, grow and love with each share. What can be better in life than that?
Much gratitude, loving kindness and always compassion, Stephanie
0 -
Today's Panhala poem by David Whyte seems particularly poignant this morning:
ALL THE TRUE VOWS
All the true vows
are secret vows
the ones we speak out loud
are the ones we break.
There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.
Hold to the truth you make
every day with your own body,
don't turn your face away.
Hold to your own truth
at the center of the image
you were born with.
Those who do not understand
their destiny will never understand
the friends they have made
nor the work they have chosen
nor the one life that waits
beyond all the others.
By the lake in the wood
in the shadows
you can
whisper that truth
to the quiet reflection
you see in the water.
Whatever you hear from
the water, remember,
it wants to carry
the sound of its truth on your lips.
Remember,
in this place
no one can hear you
and out of the silence
you can make a promise
it will kill you to break,
that way you'll find
what is real and what is not.
I know what I am saying.
Time almost forsook me
and I looked again.
Seeing my reflection
I broke a promise
and spoke
for the first time
after all these years
in my own voice,
before it was too late
to turn my face again.
~ David Whyte ~(House of Belonging)
0 -
EXtra prayers your way this morning Stephanie... may the meds kick in and the pain decrease. Lovingkindness your way in heaps. Thanks for sharing the poem. I read an article (The Atlantic) about author Annie Dillard and can't get this comment out of my mind.. "we are born with souls and die in bodies." Like how does this soul get it's anchor off and fly free? It's a puzzle for sure. The body has needs and requirements that the soul doesn't, an unlikely marriage. How do we navigate this? The body by design doesn't last, is welded to the soul as a vehicle in this precious life and the soul is lasting a force from the whole - longing to be reunited with the rest. It's a mind blowing path.
Off to the oncologist for more shots. I got back and the news was excellent. My markers dropped from 1081 to 929 in 2 weeks! All my lab were good except low protein and low calcium. So calcium tabs 2x daily. No puking today and I got all my shots. Whoo hoo. You guys send some powerful prayers. I am grateful and humbled to be given this reprieve. Lovingkindness to all.
0 -
Lest you think that I have forgotten you all lately, here's a gentle reminder that you all are kept close in heart and mind.
Facing more cardiac challenges, my doing has shifted, but I aspire to do that which I am able with love, patience, kindness, and attention.
Know that I send this message with much love and tender hopes for each of you to find whatever it is you need to tend your garden.
0 -
Brenda
on the picture and sentiment! Also extra prayers your way, sounds like you could use them. (((gentle hugs))))0 -
rose, that is awesome news about your counts! Hooray!!
0 -
Gatergal- Thank you it is awesome. The play yesterday was terrific although it was a long day and I was fiercely tired. Resting up today. Thinking of you all today- Blondie, Stephanie, Tobycc, M360, Maureen and anyone I have missed. May you have a painfree day and peace. Gentle hugs.
0 -
Quick update - much better night last night. Hospice nurse had intervention ideas that eased my physical suffering and allowed me to sleep more deeply and longer.
Woo hoo for a great team of healing allies, wherever the members come from.
Much loving kindness and compassion for all, Stephanie
0 -
Stephanie, so glad to hear your pain was relieved and you were able to sleep better. Hoping and praying the improvement continues.
0 -
Hi Jo-5 Thank you for telling us. May Kath (Tobycc) fly free into the arms of heaven. Please post something on the regular thread so that everyone here (stage IV Boards) knows and can add her to the angels list.We only got to meet briefly here. May her memories be sustaining to her family. This makes me sad as she was so looking forward to living in her new house and retirement. May she be at peace.
0 -
May Kath / Tobycc be in peace.
I am saddened and shocked. Kath was planning to retire and move to her new house in June. She was given the final news only around two months ago. I feel terribly sorry for her too quick too soon passing.
0
