A place to talk death and dying issues
Comments
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I just posted on stage 4 and this is very sudden. How I wish there was a cure for this disease. sigh... she was so looking forward to life.
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Rosevalley , Horray wonderful news about your numbers praying and hoping for more...
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Thank you for including us, Jo-5,
Such sad news for us on earth, yet I suspect the heavens are opening to receive Kath and her praises are being sung.
She was a devoted business leader, wife, mother and friend.
Her faith in Jesus Christ sustained her and your group was her "home".
I appreciated our conversations here at bcc's D&D topic/thread.
Thanks again, Jo-5 for remembering us during this time of sorrow.
warmest, healing wishes, Stephanie
P.S. I will post to the Stage IV forum...not to worry.
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Rosevalley congratulations with the numbers and that your feeling somewhat better. I read pages of posts and want to comment on many but I'll have to go back and reread. This is my second day without sleep Pain levels are horrible. Taking Roxanol and having to take it every three hours, so concentration isn't at it's best right now. I will go and look up the readings and movies etcs. Thank you all for posting such. Rosevalley I am a cemetery lover but I myself do not want to be put into one. My daughters and I have had a long talk this past weekend for they wanted me to go into the hospital and I didn't see the point and said I'll do outpatient but swelling in right leg and left arm is not able to be controlled they even looked to make sure I didn't throw another blood clot. So now special garment are needed, bicycle shirts that compress and wick sweat are no longer enough. Had one of my extreme sweating days in which I had to change clothes three times again doctors say that my body is fighting so hard and my lymph glands throughout my body are as big quarters, hurt to the point of itching from swollen tissue surrounding. Had another bad fall it seems even with 5liters of oxygen pumping my concentration numbers are going down to 62 then up to 75 then being so low confusion sets in. We are talking about me draining my left lung and stomach for I gained 10lbs in three days from fluid so more Furosemide but my salt levels are way too low doesn't make sense. Then have had three episodes where I had to take 2 nitro, I won't call or go to hospital even if I need three. See I got off track wanting to talk to Rosevally about cemeteries. I was raised in a very Russian Orthodox household and I read over the dead and went with the Priest to bless graves every year. Then went away to college and started studying religion. Even had the wonderful opportunity to meet the Dalai Lama, spend a week walking the Papal Gardens and Farm at Castel Gandolfo, visit the Amazon and study headshrinkers (where I found the most amazing spiritual people in the World) I did grave rubbing in Paris and visited Concentration Camps and spoke with survivors about life, death, and the human and other levels of the spirit. I respect all and feel to understand ones' beliefs is to show a great level of respect of that of life. I have studied the five elements of self-healing using The Yellow Emperer's Classic Medicine which is why I feel I am still here today using that of the past but knowing that also it is important to use the medicine of today. Maybe I should not be trying to write with so much pain and me not being able to stay on topic. I will say this my parents are buried 3000 miles away from me, but I would take side trips while we vacationed to visit. My daughters being 4 &5 would got to where they threw out funeral flowers and tie bundles from stems and go to every grave that wasn't taken care of or that was barren and they would say "hello" we thought you could use some color around you, hope the flowers make you happy. I would have to stay 6 to 8 hours for they felt this is what they needed to do. Then they would bend down kiss the ground and say love Grandma see you again soon. They don't want that for me. They will send my ashes to the ocean, but save some and buy a piece of land an acre or so connected to a friends land that is a reserve and will never be developed. They want to plant and Oak and put a bench with a saying on it so that when they want or need can go throughout life and sit under the tree and have a good heart to heart talk. This is not what I would do but they told me they need this, so this it will be. Wow, it took a long time for me to get to that point. Sorry. I'm also down because my Infusion buddy that we met every Tuesday for 7 years passed away the other day and I'm still feeling the loss deeply, she was young in her 30's with two young children. We both got from the doctor 4 to 6 months, she said they told her that before and she wasn't taking it seriously, I've lived out that time frame, she didn't, why? This is what plays on my mind when you walk the same road told almost exactly the same thing but one lives the other doesn't. She had small children and was so young, I lived life like you can't even imagine. We have been going through pictures of things and people and places that were a part of my life before becoming a "Mom". My sister even said you can't say that you didn't live your dreams, your dreams you made a reality you did it early maybe knowing you wouldn't be here to do it later, I didn't take you up on so many journeys and now I'm doing such in the later part of my life and feel I have so many things to see and do. I don't, I'm ready! But I feel there is a reason which I hope I figure out why I'm still here. I'm going to try and see if I can sleep even an hour or more I hate these nights. Sweet Dreams and Pain free days to all of you ladies. I will go back later and reread posts and hope I can help or just send gentle hugs to all of you.
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M360 I want to just give you a hug. Thank you for communicating to us your story and pain and journey. It must be very hard to lose your infusion sister. Hugs for your loss. Your kids sound terrific and I am sure the tree they plant in your memory will be a place of renewal and love for your family. It sounds like you really enjoy your life and that's what living is all about. I will hold you in the light and wish for better swelling control, pain control and sleep then you have been getting. Lots of loving-kindness your way and to your family too.
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M360, i don't know you but i have read some of your posts, i do not post here but i lurk and read the posts of all these amazing ladies.
I want to thank you for your post , it emminates love and compassion from agreat and wonderful soul. Your daughters seem to take a lot after you. I just want to wish you pain free nights and breezy as your words. Hugs and prayers to you and your lovely family.
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March 8th I posted that I was thinking of Maureen and Tobycc (Kath) and they both passed within days. I guess I am feeling how fragile life is. It has rained buckets all afternoon and just stopped to reveal brilliant blue sky with clouds and sun. I am grateful to be here and ever so mindful of life being beautiful like a flower, here one minute and gone the next. Feeling thankful for the flowers in life.
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Hi Rosevalley,
Yes, the precious fragile tenderness of this life we've been granted for however long.
The rain you sent from Oregon has dashed many flowers into wilted submission. Beneath the madrone trees, yellow-white bell-shaped blossoms look like snow. And yet, I know that when the sun returns next week, so there will be new flowers and the weeds will stretch up and up. Will the California poppies flourish among weeds? Will those bright orange flowers grace our slopes again?
Will I live long enough to taste fruit from the trees that are losing their petals to rain drops?
So much change and flux.
A close friend of my friend died alone, suddenly and unexpectedly, when out of the country. None of her friends got to hold her hand, mop her brow, say farewell. I pray she received those comforts we all deserve, wherever, whatever and whenever our end.
I'm in a pensive mood. Just watched a film from Israel about aging, dying and how the nature of death has changed as medicine and culture have. Think of it as a humorous-serious look at many of the issues in Atul Gawande's Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End with lots of DWD mixed in.
The Farewell Party
Friends, I'm happy to report that my body has stabilized again...at a new low requiring lots of sleep. Am now sleeping about 12-14 of 24 hours and much the rest spend reclining on the sheepskin covered couch.
Outside the nearby window, I watch the forest and sky, the turkey vultures and leafing catalpa tree. I am truly blessed!
Wishing each and all continued healing into life and into death.
warm love, Stephanie
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Checking in to wish my dear ladies here a good spring Sunday!
Blondie and M360, so glad to see your posts!
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Yep we are getting a HUGE RAIN and WIND storm, 60mph winds expected this afternoon. All worrying about the trees coming down since the soil is waterlogged. I Can't even take the dog for awalk... blahh yuck. It's rained constantly for days. A person could drown! Thank goodness for the computer and books. sigh... hugs to all.
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Dear ladies,
I know you didn't know Kath like I did but I thought you might want to read about her. She was such a wonderful and special person and will be missed greatly.
Nancy
Kathryn Leib-Hunter, CEO of NAMI of Collier County, dies
2015 Class of 25 over 50: Kathryn Leib-Hunter
By Alexi Cardona of the Naples Daily News
Kathryn Leib-Hunter was a true advocate.
As the chief executive officer of NAMI of Collier County, she knew how to get things done and fought to change the stigma associated with mental illness.
She died on Wednesday evening at 54.
A release the organization sent out Thursday afternoon states she had been suffering severe health issues.
Leib-Hunter became known in the community as a champion for those affected by mental illness. It was a cause close to her heart. One of her brothers struggled with mental illness and substance abuse and died as a result.
More than 20 years ago, she helped found a Guardian ad Litem program, which trains adults to represent the interests of children in court.
In 1993, she went on to become executive director of the Alliance for the Mentally Ill of Collier County, now NAMI, an affiliate of the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
"She built the organization to what it is today," said Karen Kalinowski, NAMI's director of administration. "She was a force, but she was also very human. She touched you instantly. She had tremendous love and showed it for the entire community."
Under her leadership, the organization grew to serve more than 12,000 people. Leib-Hunter trained more than 700 law enforcement officers and community leaders in crisis intervention.
"Kathryn was a passionate advocate and community leader," said Scott Burgess, CEO of the David Lawrence Center. "Her impact has been great in Collier County and I have been honored to serve in partnership with her towards effectively addressing the mental health needs of our community. Her efforts helping bring mental health training to area law enforcement professionals through a rigorous training program we worked on together, called CIT, is just one example of how her legacy will live on and on, to the benefit of our community."
She also partnered with the Naples Children & Education Foundation to start HUGS, Health Under Guided Systems, which screens 2,000 children a year for mental health problems and helps families find services.
Leib-Hunter brought her faith and family values to her work.
"You never had a conversation with her without her twin boys being part of that conversation," Kalinowski said. "She was a family person first and foremost. Kathryn also had tremendous faith and brought it into everything she did. That really resonated with the people she helped."
In 2015, Leib-Hunter was honored as one of the Naples Daily News' 25 over 50. She was asked what she was most proud of accomplishing, and she said, " I am most proud of being able to provide hope and help to people in need. I have been blessed to realize my mission in life, and constantly challenge myself to work harder in helping others.
Related Coverage
2015 Class of 25 over 50: Kathryn Leib-Hunter
By Alexi Cardona of the Naples Daily News
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Wow, what a special lady and a great loss for us all. Thank you for sharing this with us, Nancy. I'm so sad that another friend, mother, and wonderful woman is gone.
Rose.
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Nancy- what a lovely post you shared about Kath. She was here just a short time and I could tell she was full of life and purpose. Now I know just how much. Thank you for your post. I feel sorry for the local community that lost such an advocate. Kath will be missed, but her work will live on. Take care.
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Small world - I never knew Katherine Leib-Hunter, but Alexi Cardona, the reporter, is one of my former students.
Bandwoman1234 - I live in Miami, but I grew up in Venice. Are you in the Naples area?
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Thinking of all of you here. Wish everyone comfortable today!
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Special prayers for M360, Blondie, Stephanie and all those suffering along the path around the world. Blessings to one and all. I hope you are comfortable and have peace. Love rosevalley
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Wow!
I can't believe it's been a whole week since I last posted at my favorite bco topic, this one!
I came for Rosevally and this conversation and just sorta branched out here and there.
But, lately, I'm concentrating a bit more on D&D through a recent group conversation with other alumni of Commonweal's Cancer Help Program.
It's so easy to think that if our wills and advance planning paperwork are done and we've had The Conversation about our wishes for end-of-life care, then everything is in order.
Lately though, friends and family have brought up living memorials, funerals and memorials for my survivors.
I'm pretty sure I don't need a living memorial, though my dad had one less than two days before he died and he had a terrific time. But he was a born entertainer and I blush to think of getting up on a stage with a brass band playing and accolades, cheers and speeches. He even had a big birthday cake as it was his 37th AA birthday. And there were newspaper stories galore. Yikes.
He was aware of his terminal diagnosis 6 months before he died and was visited by dozens of well-wishers, carers, family and friends. So, I'd say his living memorial was really half-a-year long, not an afternoon.
My priest will perform both last anointing and a funeral for me, but my Buddhist friends will have their own rituals. As will my pagan friends and then there are my nonreligious family and friends of other stripes...
You get the picture, they're an eclectic bunch and making them all happy will be difficult, but it won't be on me to do.
Since I've been dying for so long, I think I've already had my living memorial and accepting this much positive attention is already a challenge.
What about you and your survivors? Do they know your wishes? Do you know theirs? Can you make everyone happy? Or just aim for a sort of bland, unhappy medium?
Just noodling and wondering if you do too.
warmest healing wishes, Stephanie
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Misssed so much Katch....hate thus desease/
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Blondie!
I miss you so much and we're all always wondering about you.
How are you doing now?
Sending much loving kindness like a blanket of light embracing you, Stephanie
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Well my 2 favorite hospice sisters check in! Hi Blondie and Stephanie- I love to hear from you both. I hope you two are pain free and comfortable. It's an odd day for me so I drain and I always feel better getting fluid off. One less thing to carry around, Stephanie will relate. I am glad rehab has been treating you well Blondie. I hope you have been taken to visit your Grandkids and your cat and dog. It is amazing to me Stephanie that your community of support has the entire spectrum of human beliefs! Living life without boundaries.
We managed to get the dog walked this morning and visit a Deaf Church with our Deaf DD3. She loved it. I have taken her to Quaker Meeting (Silent worship when you are Deaf is boring) and Buddhist Sangha.. (meditation and silence is boring... even when you have an interpreter and know your Canton in China was 95% Buddhist) so this was right up her alley! The hymns were signed and all teachings were signed. She was tickled. A path with community is important I feel. I am totally open to her path being different than mine. Each person finds their own path right?!
I wanted to answer Stephanie's inquiry about what plans we have for after death. I forget who suggested being split between a cemetery and my beloved old growth forest of Breitenbrush Forest...off the river there. If the cost isn't prohibitive I will get a cemetery plot so kids can have a place to visit and unload their cares. I don't care as I will be gone. I will be cremated and that I am sure. No last rites or plans. No memorial... just gently lift the moss around an old growth Doug Fir and make me tree food. That's all I wish for in an ending. Save a sprinkle for the cemetery plot. Oh and once this faslodex fails I will use my DWD meds and gracefully exit (not to relive the cancer invading my bowels and the N/V again), fully thankful for that lovely option from those pioneering spirits who paved the way. Bless their souls.
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Bon, Rose, GatorGal, Stephanie, Xavo, Woodylb, M360, and Blondie: Thank you for the posts that have warmed my heart and triggered my mind to explore meaningful places.
JO-5, you are kind to have shared the news of Kath's (Tobycc's) death. And how kind of you, Bandwoman12, to share the newspaper article on Kath. I hope that in her last days she lived her life as she wished and that she died peacefully.
When someone's death from cancer is considered to be "sudden," I often wonder how many signs of that person's decline and move toward death were minimized or ignored? How many people lose the opportunity to face and accept their dying/death and focus on what most brings meaning to them because others do not wish to "take away hope"? How many formal and informal care providers avoid dealing with their own unresolved personal or professional issues, which ultimately impacts their caring for someone who is already dying?
Rose, I think you're on target for most of us: "A path with community is important…." I am fortunate to be a part of this community regardless of how often I post and so many other communities that lead me away from isolation and into meaningful connection.Your particular path has had lots of twists and turns, has it not? And still you lovingly support your precious family while tending to your own comfort and finding options that are right for you. I am relieved that you have access to meds that will allow you to make a "final choice," if that is, indeed, the right step for you.
M360, I am struck by your comment, "I lived life like you can't even imagine." What a gloriously wonderful perspective on the way you have lived your life! I'm hopeful you have found comfort that matches your peace, imagination, loving spirit, and compassion.
Stephanie, your sharing of your end of life and hospice experiences has touched many lives, I am sure. I am heartened to know that you are a part of a network of care that is tending to your needs. Thank you for sharing your perspective and your wonder over connections to so many living things. We are truly blessed for having you share with us
By the way, my stated wishes for end of life and after death include no living memorial, cremation, no memorial service, an obituary in which I encourage people to share kindness toward others in remembrance of me, and spreading of my cremains in the Blue Ridge Mountains of NC by my husband as he chooses or with my husband's cremains should he choose to keep mine until he dies.
My health continues to shift and pose challenges. I've endured some frightening episodes in the last couple of weeks in which my heart seemed to get stuck in cycles of coronary spasms, leading several times to near syncope (fainting) and great pain. (I already live with cardiac pain most days, and this new intensity is unsettling.) After a significantly abnormal ECG, I am now wearing a 21 day cardiac event monitor. One of the reasons I mention this is to remind others, including those who are at different stages of cancer and life in general, do not let anyone tell you not to be concerned about your heart health! Educate yourself and advocate for getting the care you deserve. It is distressing to me that many people at end of life and at earlier life stages are dealing with undiagnosed, painful heart problems on a daily basis while seeing MDs who routinely overlook or minimize cardiac concerns. We are talking quality of life AND dying here!
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Also, I've been thinking more about suffering lately. Here's a piece from 2010 that I've saved for repeated contemplation:
Ram Dass on Suffering as Grace (Excerpted)
"For most people, when you say that suffering is Grace it seems off the wall to them. And we've got to deal now with our own suffering and other people's suffering. Because that is certainly a distinction that is very real, because even if we understand the way in which suffering is Grace – that is the way in which it can be a vehicle for awakening—that is fine for us. It's quite a different thing to look at somebody else's suffering and say it's Grace. And Grace is something that an individual can see about their own suffering and then use it to their advantage. It is not something that can be a rationalization for allowing another human being to suffer. And you have to listen to the level at which another person is suffering….
So, the hard answer for how you are able to see suffering as Grace, and this is a stinker really, is that you have got to have consumed suffering into yourself. Which means, you see there is a tendency in us to find suffering aversive. And so we want to distance ourselves from it. Like if you have a toothache, it becomes that toothache. It's not us anymore. It's that tooth. And so if there are suffering people, you want to look at them…or meet them but then keep a distance from them. Because you are afraid you will drown in it. You are afraid you will drown in a pain that will be unbearable. And the fact of the matter is you have to. You finally have to. Because if you close your heart down to anything in the universe, it's got you. You are then at the mercy of suffering. And to have finally dealt with suffering, you have to consume it into yourself. Which means you have to–with eyes open–be able to keep your heart open in hell. You have to look at what is, and say Yea, Right. And what it involves is bearing the unbearable. And in a way, who you think you are can't do it. Who you really are can do it. So that who you think you are dies in the process.
…In a way, there is a process in which suffering requires you to die into it or to give up your image of yourself. When you say I can't bear it. Who is that?"
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Excellent, thought-provoking article on giving up by a palliative care nurse and athlete:
What Does Giving Up Really Mean?
By Amy Velasquez RN BSN OCN
be sure to click link to read whole article, if interested
http://www.pallimed.org/2016/03/what-does-giving-up-really-mean.html
Excerpts:
As a palliative care nurse that specializes in oncology I have a soap box stance about the words "I don't want to give up." What does that phrase really mean and what do we really have control over? For the past 3 years I have been blessed to work beside the best palliative care physicians in my eyes. They have taught me the true meaning of the words palliative care and it doesn't have to be coupled with end of life or those dreadful words "give up."
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In my line of work with cancer patients, they have taught me strength, courage and most of all faith. Our goal as the palliative care team is to find out what the patient's absolute end goal is, and is it attainable? A patient that has stage 4 lung cancer has been diagnosed with a cancer that is termed "incurable." So does that mean if they die from this cancer they gave up or didn't fight hard enough or didn't have enough faith? I think only you can answer that question. …When a cancer decides to take over despite the heart and soul your oncologist has put in your treatment plan, and all the faith you have given to eradicate this cancer, this is NOT a definition of giving up.
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When patients are given the diagnosis of "incurable" cancer, the goal should be to find a treatment that will extend their life as long as possible, and also balance the side effects with their quality of life. Cancer treatments have come so far in the last 15 years. Most importantly, the oncologist and researchers are always creating new novel treatments to search for a cure or to extend someone's life as long as they can while living with an incurable cancer. The palliative care team works side by side with the oncologist to make this happen. We rely on direction from the oncologist and the patient to direct us in their goals. Of course everyone wants the "C" word to be cured, but if it cannot, what is your goal?
Unfortunately, there might be a time when treatment is not an option anymore. You are so tired, the cancer is growing despite the treatment, and/or the treatment is taking all of your reserve energy away so that you cannot perform simple tasks. The risk is the treatment outweighs the benefits if the treatment is causing you more harm than good. If the side effects are just too dangerous or possibly even shortening your life, we look at you, the patient, to guide us on what YOU want for your goal. But NEVER should you utter the words, "Am I giving up?" Because remember that race you ran earlier and your legs were burning and you stopped? You had control over this situation. Unfortunately, cancer has its own plans and doesn't play favorites, and sometimes it guides you to change your goal, not to give up.
Now your goal can be to live as long as you can while feeling halfway decent. So stopping cancer treatment and doing best supportive care—just treating the symptoms of the cancer does not mean you are giving up. Even going on hospice when your cancer has made a decision you do not agree with also does not mean you gave up. It means you had no control over the cancer's stupid decision, but you do have control over how you look at stopping treatment. This is different for everyone. So if this is you, please don't say "but I don't want to give up." Please dig deep and find out what is really important to you and share this with your family, let them know, that you are not making the decision to stop treatment. The stupid cancer has made this decision for you.
I will leave you with, taking off the burden of giving up and putting it on the shoulders of cancer NOT you!
Amy Velasquez RN BSN Palliative Care Nurse Navigator for the University of Kansas Hospital Annette and Richard Bloch Cancer Center. Amy loves nursing and her hidden talents are triathlons and painting landscapes.
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Bon you are right. It's unfortunate that some folks feel when bad things happen to good people it's somehow their fault. I guess the 130 folks gunned down in the French terror attacks were "faulted." The 16,000 folks who died in the tsunami in Japan had it coming?? Really? Makes you wonder as you mentioned how a baby with cancer could have asked for it. God's punishment. When my DD1 was in the hospital we watched a little preschooler with Down's Syndrome walk the halls with his IV pole of chemo.... I was wiped out. It seemed massively unfair to have a disability and cancer and not even be out of diapers. The most amazing thing was how joyful and happy he was! So folks are toxic and their ideas not helpful. Best to keep them away. Love them from a far and pray they come around.
Cancer has put me on a roller coaster of ups and downs... first I crash.. burn and resurrect.. 2014- reprieve... do better for a while.. tank 2015...tread water, crash... burn.. new med and up again.. it's been some kind of shitty cruise! I have to admit I don't handle the side effects well and get very sick of it. I know that everything is temporary and it's hard for me. People look so surprised... "I thought you were dying..?" "Well I did too as did my oncologist.." So here we are up and able to live among the living for who know how long! Doing my life a day at a time. I was actually thinking of going to a new Sangha but I am worried about trying a different tradition and if I would even be around long enough to be a part of a new community and benefit from learning. It's hard not to have a future when you have been taught how fragile existence is through the experiences of life in metscape of cancerland.
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Hi Bon,
I do believe God has a hand in our suffering, not by giving it to us as punishment, but by sometimes allowing us the strength to endure...and possibly transform it into compassion (suffering with) for self and others. That is grace, a miracle given to us. Not something to be demanded in prayerful entreaties.
My atheist friend who also has advanced cancer said prayers are worthless at getting rid of pain, suffering, cancer.
I said, I don't pray for that, but for the strength to endure pain and suffering and to overcome the isolation that they too often bring.
I don't expect instant or lasting complete results, but I often feel my burden made more bearable.
For the Christians here, this is holy week and here's what Jesus Christ said, "'Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.' An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him." Luke 22:42-43
Makes sense to me - so often we must replace our human will with God's will and have faith, even in the unfathomable.
I like the AA prayer, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference."
Much love on this March morning, Stephanie who just took drugs for nausea and pain, because they are healing allies too
P.S. Rosevalley and Bon, you are both so right, we can and should walk away from confused people who want to blame us and others for suffering. That behavior puts a bigger distance between us (the good, well ones) and them (the bad, ill ones), rather than closing the distance by feeling true compassion for suffering. I know that life will still teach them, tenderize them with suffering, but why expose myself to their current state of toxicity. Life is too short.
Being with you this morning.
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Hi Suersis,
I agree with you and can add, people think "if you feel bad, you must have done something bad." (blaming) And worse is, "if you feel bad, then you must be bad." (shaming)
I'm reading Brene Brown right now & she often addresses these important topics and also how to Dare Greatly and Rise Strong.
Brené Brown on Blame
Brené Brown on Empathy
What dear human minds we have, always busy trying to protect us from hurt and harm and incomprehension.more loving kindness, Stephanie
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Stephanie-Brene Brown is pretty darn funny. I enjoyed that. Thanks. I think the blame game is the easy way out.. mindless left over from childhood. A quick fix or explanation when being in flux or just accepting uncertainty is too painful. When blame is simple and sweeping... then it's frequently someone just trying to get away from feeling uncomfortable. Kind of like "I don't know what to think about this so it must be God's plan." There all figured out neat and tidy. Life is not often neat and tidy. It is frequently messy.
Bon-I am sorry for your pain issues. When you have pain being stage 4 it seems unnecessary to withhold pain meds. Cancer patients get lumped into all chronic pain patients and that is unfortunate. MJ is legal here too. The only thing I use is CBD oil and the stuff really works for nausea. It's a tincture oil.. under the tongue. I hope it gets better for you.
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Bon-A pallative doctor might be just the right fit. The team at my cancer center has helped me. I hope you get the CBD oil and let me know how it works for you. I ate some shrimp and rice that was way too rich yesterday and threw up several times. Finding those items my gut can tolerate is hit or miss. Missed the mark yesterday evening! The rest of the day was terrific..DD3 had a lovely birthday, cake, gifts, lunch out.. met friends and her college age sissy DD2! Yep I was so happy to feel good and be a part of it. One of my goals was to see her birthday and I made it!
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I need this topic to be a place where I can tell the truth about how rotten this all is at least sometimes.on other topics I have to be encouraging of those newly diagnosed and afraid. Sometimes I say things like I hope you get everything you want. But inside I feel like What if they don't?
Bon If you have to stop telling the truth and complaining then I will too. Then where will we go and who will listen to what we're going through?
I apologize for any typing errors I'm using cell. Computer is in the shop. It is sicker than me!
Healing wishes for all, Stephanie
PS I believe we can be healed even as we are dying it doesn't mean we are Cured. , Stephanie
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Rose, so happy you made another life milestone with only ate a little NV. We wouldn't have guessed that possibility back in December but here it is spring a new season.
Living with the unknown is so very challenging. Sending love, Stephanie
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