A place to talk death and dying issues
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CalicoCat, my condolences, I am so very sorry. Cheryl
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Catesmom- I have been no CPR DNR for a while now.. just goes to show how wildly off the mark kicking the bucket is, so I totally understand your concern. I have the same problem and have decided that I will stay for as long as I am able then transisition to a hospice facility where family can come and visit. We have several to choose from here and I know free standing hospice facilities are not available everywhere. The one my Dad used in Sarasota Florida was outstanding. It helped my Mom and brothers to not have him die in the house and all the memories, plus they got great support.
I want our house of 15 years to be a happy place where everyone grew up - good memories not sad. It would be easier and better for me to stay home, but I do not want to die in our house. We also have a cabin and I might opt for that, but it's pretty remote and how I would get pain meds and support on a forest service dirt road...not sure how that would work. I love the idea of dying in the forest in the big trees, but it's not practical. What do you have in your area?
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Rosevalley, there are quite a few choices here for hospice, though I think I will end up going to the hospital hospice. I worked at that hospital for 13 years and know a lot of people there, and am positive they will give me good care. Plus, my friends from work could come and visit me easily. It's only 7 miles from our house. I hadn't even given any thought to the sad memories I could attach to our house, as I would like my family to have happy memories too. We've always had every Christmas, Thanksgiving, and most birthdays here. Something more to think about. I just hope I have advanced warning to help with those decisions. I think you're right-I don't want to die in this house, if I get a choice. I guess you just make the best decisions you can.... Kelly
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Well you are lucky that you had a happy 13 year work history and friends to support you at your local hospital hospice. Sounds like you have a very supportive option. The hospital in my town does not have a hospice. There are a couple of free standing ones.
I feel as you do.. I want the rooms filled with holiday memories, dances, prom pictures, graduation and such. Keep it light. Have a happy Mother's Day with your family.
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Calico, I am sorry for your loss of your dear mother. I understand why you are happy for her: You are a compassionate person who wishes for no one to suffer, and your mother is no longer suffering. I imagine you will hold her in your heart and thoughts regardless of participation in final services. Perhaps you will create a ritual of your own to mark her death and to honor her memory. Please remember that I and others are thinking of you.
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((Calico)))0 -
I would love to see pictures of other moms on this Mother's Day
And thanks and blessings to all of those who are mothers themselves.
Mary Owens Hume Schermerhorn, born in Louisville, Kentucky, June 28, 1921
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Happy Mother's Day! Lovely picture Calico, do you look like your Mom? Hope you had a wonderful day!
Beautiful Day here in the Rose Garden in Portland. I had all 3 girls with me and we enjoyed lots of roses and smelled probably 1/3 and my oldest DD just burried her face in the roses. Funny she has done this since she was a tiny girl. Always loved flowers and being able to smell them, made us laugh then, as now.
My DH announced amid all these rose beds that this lone white rose had the best smell of any. I leaned down took a long wiff and hollared "WOW best!" It really was stunning. There was a young couple near us who looked up and said which one? They came over for the sniff test - "YEOW Wonderful!" they said. It created an entire line of admirers! We laughed. The place was mobbed by people. It was fun to watch the people and enjoy the roses. Had a chicken gyro from an Egyptian Food Cart that was the best gyro ever! Crazy yummy. Fun to sit with the kids outside and enjoy lunch. It was a good day. My disabled DD1 wrote in her card- " You are bottoms of my heart xoxoxox." Kind of sums it up eh?
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Hi, Rosevalley, how I wish I looked like my mom! People say there' a family resemblance, but I think they're being kind.
The rose garden tour sounds wonderful and full or olfactory delights! Thanks for telling us about it.
xoxoxoxoxoxxoox
Calico
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Thinking of you Blondie and hoping you are comfy and breathing well enough. Sending lots of love and hugs your way!
Hugs and love to you too Calico, for this week's testing and trying to manage with one arm/hand. We will all be in your pocket hoping for relief from symptoms and peace.
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Dear Calico,
My mom is 94. She was a wonderful mother but for the last 20 years she has had personality changes..No need to drag all the details out..Just suffice to say that she doesn't really believe I have cancer ..She carries on and on and is not the mom I knew...Take care and know that we must be patient and caring and forgiving for the brain changes that affect people as they grow older. It does not mean she did not give me a good upbringing. Unfortunately she is like many old old she is mean...I choose to still love her. Carolyn from Music City
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Hi All : My Party was Amazing ! I've got to figure out how to post the video !!
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Ok I'm going to see how this goes
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Here we go !!!
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I'll need help with the video ! at least we have pictures for now !
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Something light to eat !
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This is my second dress ! My Daughter with the black on and my Granddaughter.
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I hope that I can get the video to work ,because this is my dance to Uptown Funk0 -
Mscal, Looks like it was a fantastic party, love your dress
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Car2tenn- I could very much connect with your post about your Mom. My Mom has changed hugely since her diagnosis of dementia nearly 5 years ago. I flew out to take her to a bunch of tests to confirm brain changes, then I paid for tickets for myself, her and her cocker spaniel to fly and stay a bit with her beloved sister in California. Well you would think I was taking her to a concentration camp. Right before we were to get on the plane she walks over to a neighbor all afraid and angry. I am not leaving! Where are you taking me? Why? I said an all expense paid vacation and escorted too! She swung at me. I was shocked. We finally got the flight and the dog and she did have a lovely time seeing her sister.
This last visit in Jan. we couldn't get her to wear her dentures and she is refusing to leave the house. FInally got her to go to Applebees for salmon spinach, easy to eat with no teeth. She wanted a mixed drink since she can't have any at home, diabetes. So it was a nice treat and I was happy to see her happy. We had fun and she never gets out. She doesn't talk much. Repeats herself. It's very sad. I feel as you do - I choose to remember the very fun times we had and the enormous kindness and love she showed us as kids. It wasn't all roses but there were many happy times. Best to focus on those. My Mom just shakes her head that not only do I have breast cancer but so does her sister. She says to me - "you look pretty good." Day to day we go!
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Mscal02 - Just looked up to see your posts! Love your dress and the pictures looked great. Cute kids and fun idea. Sounds like you had a wonderful time. Very nice spread of eats and treats. Thank you for the photos!
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Thank You ! I had the time of my life ! I'm still floating ! I danced the whole night and I had to soak in an Epsom Salt bath before I went to bed !. There were about 150 people there and they're ready to do it again ! I told them if I'm Blessed to live to see 65 with a reasonable portion of health and strength , we may do it again. I told them 1 night of celebration and 1 year of recuperation !
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Mscal, Thanks so very much for posting these photos! I enjoyed seeing you and your family celebrating your life and you dancing to Uptown Funk. You look so beautiful and happy, and I am just thrilled for you that you had this event. On a self-serving note, I must add that I've had a rough week or so, and I really needed lots of smiles, and you just gave them to me! Thanks again!
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Carolyn and rosevalley--Oh, my. Your struggles with your moms help me to remember that I am not alone in my struggles with my mom, who is 78 years old, with multiple chronic health problems, including dementia. I realize intellectually that many, many women face challenges related to caring for aging parents who've changed significantly because of illness/dementia, but dealing with the emotional ramifications is another matter altogether. Much of my last year has involved dealing not only with my declining health but also my mother's. She sacrificed a great deal in order to care for me and my three siblings, and I will always respect and love her for that. I love her for being my mother, period. However, there are times that I feel anger and frustration toward her because of the way that she often treats me in difficult situations, and I am still learning how to cope with that as best as I can-- while also dealing with the myriad challenges of my health. YIKES! Thankfully, I learned long ago that life is not "fair"!
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I've been trying to relieve my husband by doing things for and with my mother-in-law . She repeats the same thing over and over . I just have to slap myself when a bad thought comes in my head and pray and ask the Lord to forgive me. I just say Lord If I live I'll propably be doing the same thing. Please give me patience because someone is going to have to be patient with me , and I thought about it ,people are having to have patience with me now !!!0 -
Reading the posts about our older mothers. I used to help my mom-in-law a lot before my diagnose and the first year after diagnosis, when I could no longer help we moved her into assisted living with an aide. She is no longer the woman I knew and I miss her greatly.
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Count me in as having a mother with dementia. It started in her late seventies, and then really escalated after she had a stroke in her mid-eighties. I always felt that having macular degeneration (losing her sight) compounded the problem because she didn't have that visual stimulation.
When she was going downhill and knew it, she was really miserable. After she passed over that threshold into complete unawareness of the situation, she became much happier and more peaceful. I'll always be grateful for that.
Tonight is the rosary for her. It's being held at the same church I grew up in. Our history there goes back 60 years to the first year it opened.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Calico
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I'm still having trouble reading so I can't comment on anything anybody wrote actually I'm talking into my tablet and it's typing this hope everybody had a wonderful Mother's Day I just decision sheet Komen Race for the Cure I didn't walk but I went awesome. taking Claritin but its not helping my eyes are watering and with glasses in a magnifying glass so it doesn't work so I don't know what's wrong with my eyes they just keep wondering supposedly I have allergies bike I'm you would think that they would make it stop.
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Hey, Blondie! Dang, sure wish they could figure out how to help your eyes! Constant watering would be no fun.
I'm really impressed with how well your tablet picked up your voice. I may have to do something like that if my left hand/arm gets much worse.
I'm going to see my long-time neurologist in the San Francisco area next week re: my hand/arm. Maybe he'll have some ideas.
xoxoxooxoo to all my sisters here!!!
Calico
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