A place to talk death and dying issues
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By your side, Calico.
Tina
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Calico,
Gentle hugs to you. In my thoughts and prayers
Nel
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Calico,
I've followed you on this thread for quite awhile, and I want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. You're such a warm presence here! Sending you and your husband much love…
Rose.
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With you and wishing you peace. S.
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Praying for pain relief and restful days with your sweet hubby.
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It's very sobering to read your words and the thoughts you express regarding hospice, medicines, relationships and how you're dealing with all of it. It is insightful.I hope we are of some comfort to you, being here with you in spirit. I appreciate your sharing what you're experiencing, physically and emotionally. Keeping you lifted in prayer, CalicoCat
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We're with you in spirit and in prayer CalicoCat. Rest well dear one.
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Calico, although I am relatively new to the stage IV crew and just started my treatment 5 months ago, I often visited this thread and have read all the posts here. I have seen your deep footprints along your brave journey which are mixed with thousands and thousands of others who walked before you on this path. I saw your joys, and I saw your sorrows. I saw your courage, and I saw your grace. All this will remain here for ever. I wish you all the best!
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Bless you Calico, peace, sassy
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My love, my thoughts, my prayers, my hope...you know the lives you touch here & now you are teaching us to be brave right along with you, beloved Sister. XO
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Calico - I feel fortunate that you share your feelings and emotions with us. I'm with you in spirit and pray for you and hubby. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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Thank you, dear, sweet sisters. You are the only ones in my life who I can bring my thoughts to, who are able and willing to help carry the pain. Bless you all for your kind words and for being there.
Love,
Calico
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Calicocat,
I wish I could do more that just send you wishes of strength in body and spirit. I wish you no suffering. I wish your surroundings filled with tranquility, peace and love. Selfishly, I wish I could have met you. I want to say more but that is all I can write for now. With my deepest respect, letranger.
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Divine - Thanks so much for your reply. I actually think I am handling this fairly well. I have been trying not to dwell on the future and how things will be when I am gone. If I spend too much time thinking, it just wastes the time I do have.
Prayers for you Calico.
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Calico...you r very brave,
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Calico I'm glad you checked in. I pray you are able to enjoy each day that remains,
Hi Blondie. Nice to hear from you too. I hope you are feeling well and able to enjoy each good day.
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Hi, sweet sisters, I turn to you with a delicate dilemma.
My younger sister, who lives in Portland, Oregon, called yesterday, in a very emotional state. She has been a nurse for many years and has helped many people off the planet.
She tearfully said that she wanted very much to be by my bedside and provide hands-on care when the time comes. She assured me that my DH would need help, and that she would not be a burden to him. I tried to be appreciative, loving and grateful for her offer, but did not make any commitments.
I've had many years to think about this and know what I DON'T want. I DON'T want either relatives or friends at my bedside when I pass. I DON'T want to feel more pain because they are in such pain. I just can't deal with carrying my pain and their pain at the same time. Also, I have a vivid recollection of the atmosphere when my brother was dying in a San Francisco hospital, a scene that disturbed me greatly. The atmosphere in the room was of a happy family reunion while my brother lay propped up in bed, non-communicative, but in obvious discomfort. We left to go to lunch and he died while we were gone. I think we were hindering him making his passage.
What I DO want is for my spiritual adviser and a Buddhist priest, if possible, to be with me, and my DH as long as he is sitting quietly reading his Kindle, such a normal thing for him to do. I know I'll have no control at the time, but those are my expressed wishes.
So I guess the only thing that I can do is to tell her as lovingly as I can what I want and why, and hope she understands. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone as I prepare to leave. I was hurt, and I don't want anyone to be left with that.
Thank you for being there!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Calico
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Calico,
If you tell your sister what you just told us in the same thoughtful way, she should understand.
Everything you wish is reasonable. You should have it.
Tina
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Calico, you know what you want. It sounds very logical to me because I have witnessed similar incidents around a dying person.
Do you think it would be better if your dh conveyed your wishes, in the most tactful, kind way possible, to your sweet sister? At least initially, and then if necessary, the two of you could have a follow up conversation with her already knowing what you want. Your sister might be able to find ways to assist your husband more behind the scenes and not directly at your bedside. Not wanting to have their pain around you, that makes sense.0 -
Dear Calico - You said it so well in your post. Let her know your wishes. As a nurse who helped many leave this planet, your sister is probably in a good position to understand what you want. She may be surprised at first, but comforted that she will contribute to fulfill your wishes. Perhaps in writing would be easier. Sending you hugs and courage.
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Dear Calico, I agree that if you express your wishes to your sister just as you did here, she will understand. I also wonder if there might be something that you do want her to do for you? It could be as simple as passing something along to a relative, or helping your husband in some way. It's just a thought because I'm certain she wants to be of help to you. But I truly appreciate your need for peace at your bedside… that is my wish too!
Sending much love…
Rose.
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Calico - you said it best in your post - that is the way I would like to leave as well - perhaps DH could talk to her first to spare you the emotional turmoil. Hope you're resting comfortably, sending hugs, S.
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Calico I think your wishes are beautiful. I have similar wishs to be alone when I pass. My sisters are upset over this wish. We should be able to decide how we want to pass because we have all had enough time to think about it. They will come to understand what we wish and why.0 -
Thank you, dear sisters, you inspired me to write a letter! She and my older sister should both get this before I see them on August 21st.
Here's the letter:
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Please forgive my typing this letter.My penmanship is really awful these days!
I decided to send this to both of you because it may affect both of you.
I do not want anyone at my bedside when I'm passing except for Bettina (my spiritual adviser), a Buddhist priest if available, a hospice nurse, if necessary, and Scott sitting quietly in a chair reading his Kindle since that is normal for him and would be comforting to me.
I've had a lot of time to think about this over the years.The reason for my wishes is that I can't imagine anything more painful for me than having to see the pain and sorrow in my loved ones' eyes.I want to leave this earth anxiety and pain free, and I know I can only do that in a very simple way.
I also don't want anyone jumping on planes and hustling to get here as I take my last breaths.That would really stress me out, too.
What you can do for me is just be who you are, loving sisters, and we'll try to get together as we can.You are both invited to come here, but the timing of that is not critical.
Please know it is not because I don't love you that I ask this, but because I do.
So look forward to seeing you for Elizabeth Pearl's birthday party!!!
Love,
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I tried to keep it "I" versus "you" oriented and not talk about the phone call from little sister. Just start with a clean slate.
Thank you for your comments and inspiration!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!!
Calico
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Calico - It says it all and your love and kindness towards them shines throughout your letter.
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Calico, that's a beautiful letter, as eloquent and graceful as I imagine you are! I wish you a wonderful visit with your sisters later this month.
xo
Rose.
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love the letter Calico.
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perfect
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Beautiful, Calico.
Tina
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Calico,
You are lighting the way for those of us following. While there is sadness, I sense some power and strength coming through. Blessings and more to you. Carolyn from Music City
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