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  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited November 2016

    Diane,April and Cindy thanks for sharing your darling grandchildren.

    Sorry I haven't been to active here. I've been trying to adjust to my new job.

    That was terrible today. So bad in fact he met with me privately. He thinks I have severe anxiety problems and that I don't register everything someone tells me.

    I didn't really ask for his diagnosis but it could of been worse.He could have just fired me or something.He wants me to get on an anxiety med ASAP. My oncologist may be able to just prescribe something but I don't know if that's the route I want to go.I will have to think about it. He says even if I left this job I would still have trouble functioning at any other job without treatment. It's times like this I wish I never started Tamoxifen. My thinking and general brain functions are much better off that med.

  • brooksidevt
    brooksidevt Member Posts: 1,432
    edited November 2016

    Wow, Josie. With all you've been through over the past few years, it would be amazing if you were not having anxiety issues. This doc is an absolute prince and a special blessing sent him to you. I know the job situation is difficult, but, seriously, how many bosses are able--and willing--to put their finger exactly on the problem and the solution as well? Again, he's a prince.

    As for taking in everything told to you, the anxiety is doubtless what is blocking (inappropriately protecting) you. While you wait for the med to get on board and to get to work, you could ask him to email you, or elsewise write down his suggestions.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited November 2016

    Brookside,

    Yes I agree it was very nice of him to want to help. I am just concerned an anxiety med may make me a zombie. I can't be like that. He doesn't believe in xanax but prefers clonazapine I think. I have always had anxiety all my life but usually panic attacks are the result for me. Those haven't happened lately so it's hard for me to grasp that my anxiety can be that severe. He said it just might be due to my family problems with my daughter and such.

    I put a call in for my oncologist nurse and waiting to hear from her

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited November 2016

    BTW, just to keep up with the grandkids pics here's two recent pics of Maisie

    imageimage

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited November 2016

    Josie don't fret over the anxiety medication until you experience a symptom. I took Xanax for anxiety and also Buspar. Buspar did make me feel a little off kilter till I got used to it. It is used for panic attacks mostly. the Xanax was wonderful. I still take it sometimes .for pop up anxiety issues. I agree this doctor is wonderful and yo should take his recommendations to heart. You have been through more in the last few years than anyone I know. You want to address this b efore it gets worse.

  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited November 2016

    So nice to see all the pics of the little ones.

    Josie, the girls are right, get on top of it before it gets worse.

    Feeling really down today. We have only had sunshine 2 days in the last month. We have been socked into this hazy ice fog. Makes for dark days. Today is our anniversary 41 yrs. As usual hubby has forgotten. sigh.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited November 2016

    He is so cute Cindy. Good luck with your colonoscopy. It's not fun but a necessary evil. A friend kept postponing hers and it didn't end well. She ended up making a trip to the ER which resulted in all kinds of gastrointestinal problems and wearing the dreaded bag for 6 months. Lesson learned for her.

    Glad yours went k Redhead. I haven't heard from my gastro doc since the surgery so I guess no news is good news. He said I had a small benign polyp. That hopefully will be confirmed when the biopsy report comes back.

    Ordered the twins beds for Christmas from Wayfair. Delivering them Thursday. Such cute beds. Saved money ordering on cyber Monday.

    Diane


  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited November 2016

    70'scharger----I hear you about the dreary days----we had sunshine today and it is the first time in ab out 2 weeks. Supposed to have falling temps and more rain with the chance of the S word coming into the picture on the weekend...YIKES Congrats on your 41 years. Poor Hubby, don't be too hard on him. If you 've had him this long, he must be a keeper.

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited November 2016

    I may be off the mark here and perhaps it is the suspicious part of my nature BUT, if my boss (medical background or not) ever decided to 'diagnose and recommend treatment" to me, I would not think that was appropriate AT ALL. Josie, please be careful here. If you DON'T wish to begin a course of anti-anxiety meds (which are usually in the benzodiazepam family of drugs) which are highly addicting and one of the worst drugs to come off of, then DON'T let that doctor bully you into doing it.

    Please understand, I am not saying these drugs are not great if you have anxiety. I have a prescription for Ativan (aka lorazepam) that I take when I can't sleep as I have been through a lot in the last several years (as have you) and I never take more than I need to sleep which is the smallest dose. BUT, if you are at all uncomfortable with this, please do what your gut tells you. These drugs can be lifesavers but hearing the reluctance in your post gives me thoughts that this is not the right thing for you right now.

    Hugs and know that whatever you decide should be completely YOUR decision. Perhaps the doctor is intimidating which is what causes the anxiety to begin with. ANALYZE what is going on before acting. xoxoxo

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016
    Charger - congrats on 41 years! That's amazing. I know you are bummed out that he forgot but I agree he is obviously a keeper.

    Josie - thanks for your pics too - such a sweet baby.

    I agree with April on the anxiety meds. I understand your boss is concerned but it just seems inappropriate to me too. You have been through a lot so it's understandable you are anxious however if you need meds obviously you should take them but do proceed with caution. I have a friend who takes Xanax every now and then when she gets really anxious. I took one once and I have to say it made a huge difference for me. I was so calm. So not me. I can see how people get addicted to it. My friend is a former teacher and she said a lot of the teachers took them as well.

    Btw my husband is bipolar so I know all about anxiety, etc. He had to take meds. His mood swings were tough to handle.

    Let us know what your ONC nurse advises. My ONC prescribed anxiety meds for me but I didn't take them because I didn't want to take another med. Tamoxifen was hard enough.

    It's no crime to need some help coping sometimes. I took meds years ago too just to take the edge off.

    Take care of yourself.

    Diane
  • chisandy
    chisandy Member Posts: 11,408
    edited December 2016

    As someone who had postpartum depression with an anxiety overlay (and am on a maintenance antidepressent, Wellbutrin, even now) I am a firm believer that proper and judicious use of meds can be valuable…IF combined with talk (cognitive, behavioral, gestalt) therapy to learn what the mechanisms affecting you are and come up with coping strategies. Not to mention periodically checking in with a supervisory mental health professional to make sure the treatments are working or even if you can begin tapering off. I take .25-.5 mg. Xanax for sleep, but not during the day. When I had my PPD, I saw the shrink at first twice a week, then weekly, then monthly and now bimonthly. We talk about life events and how they are affecting me, and how to enjoy the good ones and endure the adverse ones. I think it’s criminal that of all the medical specialties, psychiatrists are among the most poorly-paid (the others being pediatricians and general practitioners). They spend the most time with their patients, have huge malpractice premiums due to the fact that they treat patients in danger of committing suicide, and cannot do a higher-volume practice—no procedures to charge for or drugs to resell.

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    Thanks everyone for the comments. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

    April I appreciate your opinions and agree.When he hired me he gave some kind of of health survey to fill out and I thought that was kind of weird. But he said he picked up on my anxiety at the interview and as I was filling it out I was tempted to

    Not be honest on the questions about any problems with anxiety depression.

    KHe said the other day he needs me perform and if I'm that anxious at work I slow him down

  • april485
    april485 Member Posts: 1,983
    edited December 2016

    Whatever you decide to do Josie, just let it come from you and not your boss telling you to do it "ASAP" which is one of the things that bothered me about this. If he wanted to be kind, he could have gently told you that "perhaps you could benefit from ...." instead, he seemed to tell you to get the drug right now and he even interjected his CHOICE of drug. You are not his patient. But, if you believe it could benefit you, by all means, get a prescription and see how it goes. It might help a lot. It might not...only you can tell if it works. The really can be very life saving drugs when used by someone who can benefit. Hugs and know that whatever YOU decide is the right decision. xoxo

    Hugs to all of you ladies!

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    thanks April I agree

  • yoga_girl
    yoga_girl Member Posts: 80
    edited December 2016

    Radiation Side Effects - quality of life awareness - after treatment ends

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/postlive/how-cancer-lives-on-in-young-adults-after-treatment-ends/2016/12/07/02cd1544-bc91-11e6-ae79-bec72d34f8c9_video.html

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  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,980
    edited December 2016

    Cindy, what a nice surprise to have you pop in....Hunter is adorable.  I hope all is well with you.  I miss your cheery posts!
    I agree with Chi Sandy....I also take Wellbutrin to counteract the downer side of AIs.  After a few months, I hardly can tell I am taking it but if I miss it for more than one day, I am dragging.  I like it because it gives me energy instead of making me zombie-esque.  I used talk therapy for several years.  Now I go to group therapy (much less expensive, same therapist).  I go to a psych RN every six months for my anxiety meds.  I also take a Xanax prescription and hardly ever use it.  It does help if I really cannot sleep but I only take 1/2.  If I become dysfunctional at work because of anxiety, I consider taking 1/2 but I do not have to "perform" - I work at my own pace and teach classes where it is all so familiar.
    I still feel the effects of the AI.  I will be at 5 years in the spring.  I am really done with feeling in a fog a good part of the time. 
    Josie, you did seem to be leaning to going to your own doctors to make a decision on any new meds.  That is a good idea.  And your employer does not have to know nor do you have to discuss it.  See how you do and do seek an appointment with someone who can help you make a decision. 

    Diane, it sounds like you had a nice "endless birthday" - I love Talbot's too.  My favorite coat came from there but I left it in the airport waiting area as I lined up for a flight.  It was a feather-weight quilted 3/4 coat with no puff.  And so warm.I have never seen it again in the catalog.

    Red, good to see you!  I do hope you did not get slammed with snow. 
    Fran, you too...It must be cold but snow makes it feel much worse. 

    Brookside, I hope we can connect soon! 

    Yes, the grandkids are cute here....I think I need to share our photos from Radio City Christmas show in New York.  We went Dec. 2 and DDs came from DC and Boston and CT to meet me.

    image
    Three DDs and myself at lunch in NY.

    image
    Three granddaughters (Caroline 5, left and Charlotte,9, on right are sisters from Cohasset MA.  Center is Riley,11, from Westport CT)

    image

    The boys (Jacob 13 from Westport CT, Cole (12) and Gabriel (9) (right, from DC)
    The two older guys are officially taller than I am. 
  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited December 2016

    Beautiful pics everyone! Thanks for sharing.

    Yes Joan811 it has been VERY cold all week. This morning it is -38C/-36F. All my energy is spent trying to keep warm.

    Going to put up the tree this weekend & decorate the house. I'm hoping to have some people show up for xmas dinner this year. But still don't know how many. Take care Fran

  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    Joan,

    Thanks for sharing great pics of you and daughters and Grandchildren.

    I had a good day at work the other day and he actually complimented me in his own way by saying "you did ok today". He said I wasn't near as anxious he said. He's very picky about everything and I guess sometimes I'm afraid to make mistakes. But no matter how hard I try sometimes he finds something wrong to tell me I did. I hope it gets better. I'm very stubborn and don't quit easily.

    Fran, I don't know how you function in weather that cold. I would just want to sit under blankets all day if it was me.

    I got to babysit for a little bit last night.

    This granddaughter of mine has become the light of my life. She keeps me going.


    image


  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016

    Love those pics Joan. Sounds like you guys had fun. Hate that about your coat. Despicable someone just kept something that wasn't their's.

    Our neighborhood is having a Christmas decorating contest. Judging is tonight and winners announced tomorrow. First, second and third place. Cash prizes which are discounts on homeowner dues for January. I took pics this morning but obviously more effective at night with lights on. I'll try and do that too.

    GFF is planning on driving to Wisconsin for Christmas. She is from there. DS can't get off from work to go despite efforts to trade days with co-workers. Needless to say I am concerned about driving 600 miles by herself with 4 kids. Her mother has paid for a block of hotel rooms. Not sure how adamant my son is about her going alone. I know he isn't crazy about going anyway but I bet he is a bit worried as well.

    Brother's 60th birthday party tonight. He and our dad share the same birthday - Dec 8th. My dad would have been 100 years old. He passed away in 1999. Miss him a lot.

    Very cold here too but at least not in the minus column.

    Stay warm everyone!

    Diane



  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016

    image

  • 70charger
    70charger Member Posts: 591
    edited December 2016

    Love the pic Josie. I don't function in the cold, I hibernate.

    Very pretty Diane! Fingers crossed for a prize.

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016

    Such a sweet pic Josie. I can attest those grand babies bring such joy and comfort. They truly keep you grounded in a good way.

    Sounds like a typical doctor being so picky about everything but unfortunately it's the nature of the beast. My sister worked for doctors years ago and they were the same way plus they NEVER made a mistake. Right.

    Diane

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016

    Thanks charger. I didn't get the angels in the pic for some reason or the side of the house with the lights. Better pics with lights all on.

    I love Christmas decorations. So festive.

    Diane


  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    Thanks Diane and Fran. Diane your Christmas decorations look great!! BTW I love your front porch. Jealous, I always wanted a porch swing

  • Redheaded1
    Redheaded1 Member Posts: 1,455
    edited December 2016

    Everyone's family pics are adorable, and house too---haven't decorated at all except for a wreath on the door and 3 plastic snowmen lighting up the lawn. Afraid of what Esmerelda, my kitty will do to a tree....

    Josie, maybe your bossy doc needs something for his OCD.....HAHA


  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    Redhead,

    I agree

  • joan811
    joan811 Member Posts: 1,980
    edited December 2016

    Fran, I do not think I have ever experienced any temperatures like that.  Even skiing at 13,000 feet in a snowstorm, it was just a little below zero.  And my face was freezing.  I could not concentrate.  Hunker down and wait for that arctic pulse to move out.

    Diane, the house looks great!  What fun, a contest!  Motivation to do more and more each year.  We do the same every year...icicle lights along the roof, and a wreath. 
    Tree is up and all decorated except for the top.  I will get on the ladder in the morning to finish. 
    Lots of shopping to do and then the wrapping....but also have to clean and clear clutter - I usually have somebody sleeping here for the holidays. 
    I got my hair done today and it was hard to sit still.  I made a return at the store next to the salon and found three gifts.  Yay.  Progress.
    Josie, the baby is adorable and seems very content with you.  Here is where we get another chance to prove our most important worth in being in our grandkids' lives. 
    Hang in there on the job, and try to be as professional as possible.  Sending hugs and prayers for you this week.

    Stay warm everyone!

  • edwards750
    edwards750 Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2016

    Thanks guys. Judging is today. My DH climbed up the tree and put his star up there. He made it himself and when the lights are on it is impressive. Of course I was having heart palpitations while he was up in the tree. Yikes!

    I love a front porch too Josie. My sister has a beautiful home in Georgia but it doesn't have a front porch so she is shopping for one that does.

    I'm kind of surprised at the people around our townwho don't have any decorations at all. Not even a wreath.

    We still have gifts to buy but we have staked out what we are going to get, I have coupons but they don't kick n for a few days. Every year I vow we will have a Christmas fund so we don't have to stress over the expenses but it never happens. Our challenge is going to be finding toys for all our grandkids w/o breaking the bank. My DS is going to be mad at us - we bought the twins Little Tykes drums! Not keeping them at our house. Haha

    Diane



  • josie123
    josie123 Member Posts: 1,749
    edited December 2016

    Thanks Joan, I got to babysit for her last night and she was good. But loves to be held a lot. I think Sarah is already spoiling her. We were also babysitting for my mentally challenged BIL. Luckily my other BIL was home and was able to help me with Matt . He doesn't walk on his own and only uses the wheelchair to use the restroom. My DH wasn't a lot of help last night because he had to drive my daughter and her friends to and from the mall.

    Diane , I hope you won the contest. I hear you about breaking the bank and having a Christmas fund. Unfortunately our

    Christmas fund was automatically deposited in our checking account and it was gone before we could withdraw it. It's always a rob peter to pay Paul scenario for us for holidays. We always somehow find a way though.

    DH is putting up our lights while we baked cookies at my sisters house . No tree up yet for us but soon I hope. We always get a live tree


  • NormalNorma
    NormalNorma Member Posts: 2
    edited December 2016

    Josie, What a cute baby! With that little fist in the air it looks like she is saying "Grandma Rocks!!".