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  • Karen2012
    Karen2012 Member Posts: 75
    edited July 2013
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    Debbie - Wow ... it's been a bad week for crying, I've been crying the last 5 days eight hours a day. Antidepressants and antianxiety drugs don't seem to do the job. For me the worse I'm feeling the more I think about the final stages. My husband, too, asks me whats wrong and I just want to scream What the *&^% you think? Don't they get it???

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Karen, again, as I write this I am crying. I just don't seem to be able to cope with stuff. I've thought recently about how long will I have that I feel good, how long will I have that I won't have energy - when will I have to do chemo again - are those little suckers in my lungs growing or multiplying or behaving themselves?

    Now my son emails me and says the government hasn't paid him his student allowance for the last month. I'll put money in his account so he doesn't have to worry but now it's another thing I get to do - call a governmental department and find out how they can just stop paying $490 every two weeks without even giving us a reason or notice.

    Now my head is hurting too and it's almost 11:30 pm here and I should of been in bed an hour ago.

    Our husbands sound alike. What's wrong? Hmmm, I'm worried about dying and what I have to go through to get there and when that will be? If I told my husband that he would say there is nothing wrong with me and to stop saying things like that. No, nothing wrong with me - I have 100's on tiny BC tumours in my lungs. No, nothing wrong.

    My BFF says he is scared and doesn't know what else to say so the other day I told him how his stock answer made me feel like he didn't realize what is really going on with me medically. He says he does and he is scared and doesn't want to think about it as it upsets him and it upsets him to see me upset.

    So I'm not supposed to get upset? I try to not crack-up when he is around. It's good my dog Jaki can't talk as like you, this last week has been a bitch. I've cried so much Jaki's fur is wet and she can't lick fast enough to dry my tears away.

    So yes, I think our husbands get it. Just don't want to face it. Mine is 79 and I don't think he ever thought his 19 years younger wife could die before him. I don't drink or smoke. I keep in shape and  most of the time eat well.

    This is all so stressful for me. Now I'm going to bed, take some Valium, read my book, eat my 3 cookies and drink some milk, and probably have another cry before I fall asleep and hope tomorrow looks better.

    Karen - I wish I could help you, but I can't. But you aren't alone! I'm still here!

  • Karen2012
    Karen2012 Member Posts: 75
    edited July 2013
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    Hey Debbie - Feeling a little better yesterday and today. I guess we have to stop letting ourselves "go there" and try to stay in the moment. Even when those moments don't feel so good. I'm going to pm you.

  • Tree3
    Tree3 Member Posts: 45
    edited July 2013
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    Hi Debbie, it saddens me that you carry such a burdon on your shoulders.

    I wanted to tell you that I sold my condo. Or pretty much so. I have an offer that I have accepted. And, when I was told, I cried. I cried because the selling of my condo and the moving to a new home near my son, made my cancer a true reality. You see, I love to live in denial, and that's pretty much where I go accept for once a month when I have to get my blood checked and hear about my markers, which by the way, was yesterday and they continue to come down. And then I realized how happy we all are,family and me, that I'm moving there. I mean it really is such a wonderful thing. And then I think, but for the cancer, I wouldn't be moving there. And then I think, is this cancer a blessing in disguise? Is that a sick thought? No, I don't think so. I could die of any other thing suddenly, and never have this chance.

    So I'm the queen of de Nile. I never think about dying. Always think about what's the next thing ill be doing. Where am I going. Who will I be with, or will I do it alone. Feel great and hope to feel that way for a long time as my new house will need a lot of decorating and tender loving care. No time to think of cancer.

    I'm not sure how I got to be this way. I live alone. It may be that I've watched so many loved ones lose the struggle to stay alive that I've learned how to appreciate what I have just for today.as that's all I have is today.

    I hope some day you will also find today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here.

    Please keep writing. I love reading your posts from Australia.

    Teresa

  • Carolben
    Carolben Member Posts: 265
    edited July 2013
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    Hey, just a girl, we need to cry, just as much as we need to laugh, rant and experience all the feelings that go with a mbc dx and the treatment.  It's better if it comes out and not kept inside.  Do you think that the Tamoxifen has something to do with the crying?  It affects your hormones and we all know what hormone imbalances can do to us!  It may well be what's triggering your migraines too.  I've had migraines since I was 9 years old (Grandad, Mom and son all had them too) .  So I've never been able to take any hormones (the pill, HRT etc) because they immediately trigger a migraine.  And now the Taxol has me having 1 or 2 a week - it really pisses me off that - it's adding insult to injury in my eyes.  They are just so debilitating, and such a waste of time!!

    Starting the last 3 chemos on Tuesday - dreading going back after a week break, but really eager to get them done and over.  It is hard, not knowing what will be in 3 months time, impossible to plan much. 

    They struggle to draw blood from me too - average 3 jabs only though, and no ways I could do it - can't even watch the needle anymore.  5 tries and still no success is hard!  I do have a port and that makes the chemo so easy, but they can only use it for chemo and not for drawing bloodd, something about our small path lab here not having the right equipment, or whatever.

    My head is a serious swamp - if I dont write something down or put a reminder on my phone, chances are I'll forget it.  I do crossword puzzles, go to French conversation classes and try to keep my mind working, guess it's excercise for the mind!

    That is a sombre thought, being on some form of treatment for the rest of our lives, or until we say 'no more'.  We are lucky to have so many different chemicals to throw at this monster, but I want qol too!!

    Hope you get some sunshine Justagirl, and time outside - best way to get your vitamin D! 

    Glenna, hope your sleep pattern has returned to normal - the first night of sleeping through the whole night is such a treat after a couple of bad nights!

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2013
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    Teresa, to echo what you said, I do believe this horrible cancer can bring blessings. I sometimes think I feel less dread about "tomorrow" now than when I was healthy and working. Congrats on selling your condo, by the way. It truly is a blessing to have family who are happy to have you near.

  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 750
    edited July 2013
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    Congratulations, Teresa, on the condo sale. Where is it that you will be moving? You will be busy packing and preparing for the move. I find staying busy helps me to keep my mind off the damn BC.



    Wish I could zip over and give out some much needed hugs. Don't expect husbands to understand why we cry .... They truly don't get it and probably never will. Anyone read "men are from mars and women are from Venus"? Sure helped me to understand where my husband is coming from. I don't talk to him much about my feelings because he wants to "fix" things and guess what, he can't fix cancer. They really don't know how to handle the emotional stuff. Stick with your girl friends for those needs .,,, and of course, US! I just want to hang around til they find the cure!!



    I am back to sleeping normally and have this week off, yeah! Taking my son and grandson to Busch gardens and water country down in Williamsburg, va.



    Take care, my friends!!

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Teresa or The Queen of de Nile - I have to say I love that - but you aren't in denial, you just aren't letting it upset you or stop you from enjoying your life to the fullest. Boy, do I have a lot to learn!

    So glad you sold your condo, and who knows, maybe even without the mets you would of about now decided to sell the condo and move closer to your son?  So glad to hear your tumour markers keep dropping - yipee!

    Carolben - yep migraines. Ick. Just got over a bad two day one where hubby had to take me into the doctor's office twice for morphine injections. So embarrassing as I'm always sick to my stomach too. Guess by now those in the office are used to me. I do think the Tamoxifen has increased the frequency and intensity of the migraines, but I really have no choice but to take it as it is making the tumour markers go down and my lung mets are unchanged since we discovered them in January. My oncologist had hoped they would of shrunk a bit, but she was still happy that the tumour count was down. Heck, I was happy the tumours hadn't grown or multiplied as it doesn't seem like there is much more room in my lungs and I'm still without any problems with breathing. Guess I shouldn't question good things.......  Path labs here can't draw blood from a port as you first have to withdraw some blood and throw it away, then draw the blood you need for the lab and then inject some sterile saline to flush the line of blood (the old blood left there can clog the port off) and then put in some heparin (blood thinner) which will keep the port from clogging up. Here only nurses can do it, and they have to be specially trained. Darn!

    Ronda, I think all of this makes us appreciate more what we have, even the little things. I know I just want life to be happy, peaceful and simple. I don't need expensive clothes, or upmarket vacations at expensive locations. I just need the love and security of my family and close friends. And, all of you here who are showing me how to deal with this part of my life. I still actually have days I don't think of the lung mets because I feel so good. Maybe I'm a little more tired, but I am getting older. 61 in a couple of months. But I'm giving myself a kick in the butt to get going and do more to strengthen myself and to keep on learning to enjoy life

    Glenna, glad  you are back to sleeping and feeling well, so guess you will be on the go again. And you are right, husbands will never understand us like we women understand each other.

    It's so wonderful to have friends. I feel lucky I can come here and talk with you ladies about anything and you will help me make sense of whatever I think or feel!

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2013
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    Debbie I'm SOO sorry to hear of your migraines. I hope they diminish over time. However, your results with Tamox give me hope. I just started last week. Still only on half a tablet. It's already causing side effects, nausea, hot flashes, hair loss, crying jags. But tolerable so far.

    I am grateful to all of you who are willing to listen and share on this board. I hope I can encourage and inspire others half as much as you have done for me. So many times each day, I whisper to myself, when I feel pain or weakness, "You can do this." It is knowing that you ladies have kept going, through your pain and weakness, that gives me strength, or as Debbie says, a kick in the butt. :-D

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Ronda, My migraines have been with me forever, it seems, and them worsening seems to be the worst of the side effects I have gotten from the Tamoxifen. Yes, I have hot flashes much worse than I did on Femara, more like sweat baths, but have learned to wear a light cotton tank top, then a cotton button up sweater and if I am still cold, a fleece vest so I can take layers off fast and still be decent! People must wonder why I don't just put on a heavy sweater but if that's all I have on, then the sweat would be pouring down my face!  I did have crying jags, but don't know if was being switched to the Tamoxifen or being told I had lung mets?

    We have to be here for each other. Like you Ronda, when I get tired or hurt I say, 'well, at least I'm alive to be tired or hurt' - I know morbid - but it usually snaps me out of my downer and makes me realize I've had another day. Don't let these side effects get you down - maybe try taking the Tamoxifen at different times of the day, with and without food. I take it in the morning with all my other meds with my coffee and no problems with digesting them but some women on the femara and tamoxifen threads think it makes a difference to them if they take it morning or night.

    Sorry you are having such a rough time starting on the Tamoxifen. I started right off on a full tablet every day and wow, the hot flashes were fast and furious. I would get up 3 or 4 times at night - dry off with a towel and put on dry cotton men's boxer shorts (love to sleep in them) and light cotton tank tops and fall asleep again. Luckily I am so tired I can fall back asleep. Unfortunately it takes me from about 11pm to 8am to get enough sleep with all the wake-up episodes so I am lucky my son is at uni and the house is quiet.

    My husband sometimes says when I get upset -  what's wrong -  and I say the mets scare me. He then says but there is nothing wrong with you. If by chance they hadn't gotten that look at your lungs on the CT you wouldn't know nor would you  be being treated but you felt fine and had no breathing issues. I do sometimes wonder though if this is why my back hurts sometimes. but they have done a bone scan and it's clear. Well, I was on Femara but guess it wasn't preventing the mets.

    So I'll keep on kicking myself in the butt and fighting the devil (BC) as I plan on living a long, long time!  I'd actually like to get a tattoo of a little devil with horns and a pitchfork kicking the words breast cancer (in pink) up into burning flames........... ok, guess it's time for me to go to bed!

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2013
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    Debbie -- thanks so much for advice. Very valuable. We have similar nighttime wardrobes!

    I'm sometimes in bed 12 hrs a day. I never make appts. before 10 am. Your tattoo idea is hilarious!

    My lung mets hurt. I can actually feel exactly where tumors are. But something interesting happened this week in regards to pain. Spent much time outdoors this past week (at beach) and had significant decrease in need for breakthrough pain. Perhaps it's as simple as "fresh air" but I'm going to try and get outside more at home, even if it's just to sit.

  • surfdreams
    surfdreams Member Posts: 179
    edited July 2013
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    Ocean air is good!!! We were at the beach for a week in May, and I spent all day at the beach as the weather was perfect. I felt soooooo good! I don't know if it's the saltiness of the air, or what - but it sure makes you feel great!

  • chanah
    chanah Member Posts: 90
    edited July 2013
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    Diagnoed July 11 with lung mets.  Off to GI doc today to have liver checked.  

    Thank you all for sharing your experiences.  It makes me feel less alone and less of wimp.  Gotta be strong for family, but it is sometimes a fake face hiding an almost parlyzing fear.

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Do you know when we are at the beach we actually relax a bit and breathe deeper and easier? Yep. That's why I use the breathing exercise I wrote about. It gives me the 'beach' effect indoors. It's also wonderful to do in winter just sitting somewhere sunny.

    Chanah: no woman who walks the path we are on is a wimp. We are strong, powerful and mighty. Most of us are the leaders of the pack, as my son says, the one who keeps everyone one else together and going - but who will do that for us? We dig deep, find some more strength and keep on going. I drove myself to the Dr and heard that I had the lung mets, when I knew she was going to tell me I had them. My husband stayed home. I cried in the office with my Dr and then drove home. I told my husband and then my son. No tears. That night when I turned off the lights after reading I cried and cried. I really haven't cried like that since.

    We do (or at least I do) put on a fake face for almost all but my husband, and I try to for him too but he is getting good at sussing me out. Some days I have such paralyzing fear I don't want to get out of bed and actually pull the covers over my head and stay in bed.

    Lucky for me, my GP said I didn't need to live in fear. I needed to enjoy each day I have and could only get upset and anxious a week before every set of tests. Ha, and she did say easier said than done but she is right. So I put on the mask for myself too. I don't want to sit around and cry all day. Only 2 people here know about my lung mets, so I can't be down as they all think I'm cured. 4 other dear friends back on Kauai know about the mets and I kind of wish I hadn't told them as sometimes I think they worry more about me because they can't see how well I'm doing and think I'm at death's door.

    It's ok to be afraid, fearful, angry, mad. Come here if you feel you can't express these feelings to someone at home. I do talk to my husband, but I think all he is is afraid of losing me.  Sometimes it's good to take your anger out on something, like making bread by hand, or digging in the garden, something challenging and physical.

    Maybe some day I will tell my sledgehammer story - what happened about two weeks after I was diagnosed........

    We have a fight ahead of us, for the rest of our lives, and that's why I want the devil tattoo, because I'm here to fight for each day to be a good one!

  • GatorGal
    GatorGal Member Posts: 750
    edited July 2013
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    Debbie, you crack me up! You've come a long way since your first post. Love the devil tattoo idea. I am way too chicken to get a tattoo. Just got back (yes, off again) from taking son and grandson to Busch gardens and water country in Williamsburg, Virginia. Busch gardens is a huge amusement park with lots of rides and shows. We rode ALL the roller coasters. It was great fun. I'm probably going to have back pain today but it was worth it to see my grandson having such a good time. I'll try to post a picture later. Sorry for all of you with migraines .... I can't even imagine. I feel very lucky to NOT have that problem. I've had a few in my lifetime and the pain was unbearable. Hope they lessen as you adjust to the meds. Off to spend the day with my grandson. E

    We have him til Sunday night.

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2013
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    Glenna, Rollercoasters are not "thrill" rides for me. I don't enjoy them. Nevertheless I am smiling BIG to think of you riding ALL the Busch Gardens rollercoasters with your grandson. He must think his grandma is the coolest. (And of course you are!) I hope you have lots more fun this weekend with him.

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Ronda, I'm with you. Even looking at rollercoasters make my stomach roll!

    Glenna, you have to be the hottest and bestest Grandmother ever! I so admire the way you just grab life every day and go for it. I'm trying to learn..........

    I came down with a cold last Friday and have been feeling icky ever since, no energy, nose drippy and a sore throat. I scared myself worrying that it could develop into something more and affect my lungs that I ended up in my GP's office two days in a row. So I am officially neurotic! My GP is so lovely to me. She has said for me to never worry about something alone - to come in. I think she feels for me a little more as she had BC 20 years ago and had a husband she said she swears he never noticed and she had two teens and was working. Now I'm just scared with her advancing age - I'm guessing 65, that she will stop working, but she says doing 3 1/2 days a week is perfect and she doesn't plan on stopping. Just don't think right now I could take having to start over with another Dr in the clinic though I was for a while with a young woman GP there and she will be who I go to when my Dr has her month's vacation. 

    I hate the fact that I have become so scared of things. I quick to cry. I had this begin after I was diagnosed with the initial BC, but finally got better when this GP put me on an anti anxiety med last Nov, which I know kept me afloat when I found out about the mets in January.

    But it seems I'm more scared now than I was in January. Is it because 6 months have passed and I still feel fine? Or that I'm going 4 months before my next tumour blood test?  I'm just scared what those mets are doing in my lungs - I have no idea. 

    I know, when I see my GP I will ask her to order a blood tumour count test for me now and that will either calm me down or I can then go see the oncologist. I was feeling so good that the numbers went from 80 to 56 to 26 in 3 months with just changing from Femara to Tamoxifen.

    My husband is beside himself as he hates it when I'm upset and I know I am upsetting him. He's 20 years older than me so I worry about the stress I'm putting on him.

    34 years ago I guess I was a trophy wife, with our age difference as we met when I was 26,, but now I'm a bit tarnished and dented!

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2013
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    Debbie, I feel the same way, fearful, never sure if my lungs are getting better or worse. (The pain never goes away.) It's so emotionally draining to feel the fear that cancer and its treatment bestows. A simple cold could become something else so quickly. I hope your cold disappears soon.

    I'll bet your husband does not see you as tarnished and dented at all.

  • chanah
    chanah Member Posts: 90
    edited July 2013
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    Just got my first cold since being diagnosed with mets to lungs on July 11.   Coughing etc makes it ard not to think about what is growing in my lungs.  Medical oncologist visit today to start on an aromatase inhibitor and discuss if to finish herceptin or not.  Cancer spread (moved from 2a to 4 - lung mets) while on initial chemo and herceptin so it's pretty aggresive and seems like herceptin may not be doing anything.  Going Thursday for abdominal and pelvic CT scans - hopeful, but, bassed on symptoms not counting on good news...  Family needs to be optimisitic, unrealitically optimistic.  Hard to play that game with them, but I do the best I can.

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Chanah, so sorry to hear about the lung mets. None of us wants to be here but we are, and we are here for each other. I think you might find yourself wanting to be more realistic than your family - or at least that's what I found in my experience. When I had the initial BC and even the double mastectomy after chemo and rads, my husband thought it was done and dusted. Then when in January I found out from the GP (by myself, no husband with me) that I had lung mets, my husband really sat up and started to take notice. He went with me for the first time when I saw the oncologist about the mets and started crying when I said 'and how long do you think I have' and the oncologist said '3 - 10 years'. Please have a family member who is realistic go with you for the abdominal and pelvic CT scans for moral support. Also ask your oncologist about a bone scan. You've got to know everything you are dealing with now!

    I know as a nurse that a cold does not mean the lung mets are growing - so your coughing could be just from the cough going into your lungs and it's your bodies normal response to cough it out to clear the aveoli in the lungs. That you are able to cough shows the strength you have in your lungs. Take lots of fluids and keep warm. Do only what you have to. Leave the rest at home to others or it just doesn't get done.

    I know it's easier for me to be realistic about what future I may not have but my husband won't go there. I had an appraiser come last week and value our home and land. I just wondered what we realistically could see it for in today's market if my health took a turn and I couldn't keep the acreage and house up. My husband was furious and rude to the agent. After my husband stalked away, I explained to the agent that I was not going to put the place up for sale now, but needed to know what the market was doing due to my health status, which I told her. I gave her my word she would be our agent when the time comes, and I hope it's many years away, but I'm just being practical. If I get so I can't do on average of about `15 hours a week and more at times in the gardens, well, it will get in such a state like it did when I went through chemo, surgeries and radiation. Then I had to hire a man who did 80 hours of work to just clean up and trim and tidy up. And I already have a guy who comes and does all the mowing, who in his extra time helps me to catch up.  Right now the mower guy is back from a 6 week holiday and I've been sick over a week and we have had almost a month of rain on and off so the place is starting to get the wild look but I'm sure the two of us can get it under control again. Even my 79 year old husband was out raking leaves off the lawns yesterday as they as so thick they will kill off the grass.

    Somehow we have to be realistic about our health, whereas I find my husband says there is nothing wrong with me????? What he says he means is I am not having any breathing problems now, so I'm fine. Ok, fine with Stage lV lung mets? He's probably more right than me and that's why I take anti-anxiety medication, which Chanah you might ask your doctor about, as it does help take the 'edge' off.

    I find most of us women are the core of our families and we have to stay strong and have for so many years. But, I am finding every day my husband has new talents, like now he vacuums all three levels once a week for me. He says it's no big deal, but I so appreciate it, even if it's not quite the best job, but a job I've done for 34 years!  Let your family help you Chanah - it's a sign of strength that you can ask, not weakness.

    Chanah - I'll be thinking of you on Thursday. Please come back and share your results.

    Ronda, my cold is better today, thank you. I just wish I could have a blood test every month to know my tumour count. I know if Friday I ask my GP to do it she will but I'm actually due officially to have one the end of August. Just feeling insecure. That's what gets me. The feeling insecure. I've always taken on challenges and by the power of mind and stubbornness, gotten my body to perform. Now I don't trust my body. I think the Tamoxifen makes me feel tired, I hope, rather than whatever is going on in my lungs. I do my breathing exercises every day and I do feel more awake, calmer, and refreshed, but I sure can't go like I used to.  My husband says I look better in a bikini now than I did when we got married 30 years ago??? Guess it's losing 15 pounds and now my hair is long again like when we met. I kept it short for years with work and sport but grew it long for about three years before it went due to chemo. Now I'm determined to not cut it, but do need a trim and colour, unless chemo comes my way. I don't care if magazines say women over 50 should not have long hair - and I'm almost 61! Soon as I feel I can sit at the hairdresser's I will go in, and if it's not soon enough I'll dump some colour on it to cover the greys and that even will make me feel better.  When I was 57, before diagnosis, I felt 37. At 57, after diagnosis, surgeries and chemo I felt 77!

  • gail5
    gail5 Member Posts: 125
    edited July 2013
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    Chanah good luck for scans on Thursday.

    Debbie I love your attitude to your hair and hope you get to keep it long without chemo interfering.

    I've just given in and had mine shaved since it was starting to come out in handfuls on taxol. We managed to move house so I've been a bit busy to post lately. I had a bit of luck as the chemo unit screwed up my patient transport for chemo the day before we moved, so I ended up having chemo the day we moved and they picked me up from the old house saving me having to get down 3 flights of stairs by foot. Then they dropped me back at the new flat. I'm now only 1 flight up but am not yet up to walking out yet and am on oxygen so still rely on patient transport for hospital appointments.

    I'm currently back in hospital as my pleural effusions have built up again. I'm getting an ultrasound tomorrow to judge where the fluid can be drained from.

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited July 2013
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    Well Gail - you  know there is no chance I will have a hair left on my head if I do chemo again. Last time it all fell out on the 10th day but for some little tufts and I was stupid enough to try and shave them off and kept nicking myself. I just wanted it all gone. So I stopped carving myself up and when my dear husband came home and he saw my head covered he knew what happened but was shocked when I asked him to tidy it up by shaving all the bits and pieces. It was one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me. 

    Truly don't care about the loss of my hair but just want chemo to work for any of us who need it

    That transport screwup Gail was a wonderful thing for you. Can't imagine you having to walk up and down three flights of stairs by foot. We have 30 stairs just in our house and up and down them all day long but it wasn't easy when I went through chemo and the surgeries. Then I was hanging for dear life onto the handrail going down to keep from falling on my face and then used the railing to pull myself back up!

    I'm glad your move is done and now you've only one flight of stairs to contend with. I'm sure you will have easier breathing once they drain the pleural effusions off again. Too bad that they can't just leave little tubes in and you could drain them every day at home. I don't know why not. We get central line put in us for chemo and tubes into our stomachs for feedings. ????

    Well Gail, lay back and enjoy being served three meals a day with morning and afternoon tea and read some good books!  Will be thinking of you!

  • chanah
    chanah Member Posts: 90
    edited August 2013
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    So, I only had an MRI of my pelvis today because they forgot to tell me you can't eat for six hours before an abdominal MRI, so I have to go back tomorrow for that scan.  Then the waiting for the phone to ring (now twice) begins...  I am hoping there are no new mets in the liver or other organs, but realistically, my GI says symptoms indicate I probably do.  Still hoping for good news though...

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited August 2013
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    chanah, hoping along with you for good news - plenty of time to be realistic when you actually have all the results!

  • chanah
    chanah Member Posts: 90
    edited August 2013
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    Thank you justagirl.  It helps jut to know people are hoping with me.

  • justagirl
    justagirl Member Posts: 633
    edited August 2013
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    chanah - no thanks needed.

    We are all in this together.

     I'm not a believer in God but I do believe in the power of positivity  and sending heartfelt hopes.

    We have to fight this beast (breast cancer) with every ounce of strength we have.

  • Carolben
    Carolben Member Posts: 265
    edited August 2013
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    Am holding all thumbs for you Chanah, the waiting for results is so hard!

    Will have my last Taxol on Tuesday, then a ct scan 3 weeks later.  This time I'll get them to schedule it so I can go in and talk about the results with my onc without having to wait through a weekend.  Last time I waited 5 days between the scan and talking results!!

    Have no idea what to expect, so am just trying not to think of it right now.  I'm half brain dead anyway, between chemo and fatigue I think my brain has given up!  I feel I should be dancing with joy that this chemo is coming to an end, but all I can summon up right now is relief!  It's been a long time.

    Then too, I think, so this chemo comes to an end, but the disease doesn't, it's still there, maybe bigger, smaller, not evident but lurking somewhere else or waiting to grow back.  As you say, the never getting away from the thought of where next?

    Fatigue also makes me feel down, and am trying not to give in to the urge to climb into my bed and pull the covers over my head!  We're having a bit of a freak heat wave, which is a bonus in my eyes, don't like winter!

    Sorry you're back in hospital, Gail, hope they'll get your lungs drained and clear and send you home again soon!

    I hope all you who have colds get better soon - when I got a bug it went to my lungs and I coughed like a steam engine - but my lungs came right again, like 3 weeks later!  It took a while, and I thought also, what is this doing to the cancer, is it the cancer - eek!  But I got through it - it was just so scary how quickly and badly I got sick, with a compromised immune system it happens so fast!

  • gail5
    gail5 Member Posts: 125
    edited August 2013
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    Debbie, you're husband sounds like one in a million. I'm past caring about my hair but it was creating such a mess in the house I wanted to tidy up a bit.

    Chanah, what a nightmare with you MRI. We will have everything crossed for both scans.

    Carolben, good luck for the last few taxol. I have only had a few so far but feel exhausted already.

    I'm currently having the right pleural effusion drained. I think I"m up to around 1400 litres so far.

  • chanah
    chanah Member Posts: 90
    edited August 2013
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    It's after 5:00 PM and no call about either MRI results, so I guess it is going to be a l-oo-nnn-gggg weekend.    

  • tarheelmichelle
    tarheelmichelle Member Posts: 248
    edited August 2013
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    Chanah :-(