February 2012 Chemo
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Ali, alleluia! Congrats on finishing! Ring that bell honey! Yay!
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lumpy - love the photo of the granddogs!
firstcall - congrats on completing the halfmarathon. That is awesome.
cindi - welcome and glad to hear you are healing well.
lumpy - do you and your husband like camping? It is so much cheaper than a motel room and a very pet-friendly way to travel. If you don't want to rough it, many campsites have cabins that are comfortable and still only half the price (or less) of a motel room. Can you tell we love camping?
myleftboob - wow, it has been over 6 months since diagnosis, and over 6 months since treatment started. I had not realized that.
Hildy - a cabin in New Hampshire, wow that sounds so nice. My range of motion is A+, no problems there.
Ali - one more rad treatment for you!!! How does it feel to be so close to being done with treatments? I can't even imagine. I thought I'd be happy after chemo ended, though, but I wasn't.
Felt like an idiot today. Had sharp pains right over my heart for a couple of hours early in the morning. I knew it was probably nothing but I kept thinking about that stupid "Herceptin Heart Attack" thread and got paranoid. So I went in to see my onc. Saw his FNP first. I used to like her but then the PA I loved left, and so now I irrationally hate the FNP. Anyway they checked me out and I was fine. FNP said maybe it's reflux (which I doubt, I've had reflux for years and it doesn't feel like that) and even though I told her I didn't want anything for it she gave me an rx for prilosec anyway. Which I will not fill. I hate taking pills and I'm not going to start taking a daily pill because I had one episode of what may or may not be reflux. My UMX hurts (what do I call this? I want to say my boob hurts but there is no boob). I'm grouchy!
On a positive note the fall semester started and my Monday night class seems good, and not too much work. Wednesday night is going to kill me though. This is my last semester of classes though...spring will just be an internship...so close to the end! Breast cancer will not stop me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Christina, I am glad it was nothing, and real glad you got it looked st. I am with you on not taking any more pills, but maybe you Do have to take that one. My NIL once went to the ER with those symptoms and it was heartburn. So it can br that. Much love.
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Ali, are you done?! Dancing the 'creaky joints since I just got out of bed but nonetheless am really happy for you" jig over here.Christina, I know what you mean about the phantom boob pains. Sometimes it feels like my nipple is itchy except, hey! no nip here.Finally started Tamoxifen on Monday. Was supposed to start August 1st, but we went to see my FIL and I didn't want to do new meds far from home. Then the week after, well Springsteen was in town and I just wanted to wait. Big fat chicken that I am. Thus far I'm just having trouble going to sleep at night; hope that wears off. I already have hot flashes so I'm used to those.0
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christina.camping? hmmm i love camping- sweetie couldn't do it anymore with too many aches and pains and oldmen stuff...tho maybe a cabin? his gripe is spending ANY money to do this- and my feeling is it's his lil brother...so!
ali...whooo hoooo!
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Margo
Ugh the money. I have the same issue here if I spend a penny over budget, its making me nuts. Looks like by next weekend I'll be showing the house privately (everything took longer than anticipated) to a couple of interested parties. Fingers crossed but if it doesn't I'll list it with a realtor. Then I'm a single woman again!!!!! Stick a fork in me I'm done. Not that I'm happy I got BC but it has sure made me open my eyes to what I really want in my life and more importantly what I don't want. Very exited for the future.
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I'm done and so happy it's over apart from follow up's.
DH said won't you worry cancer will come back if your not having treatment?
No I will not worry because that's seems like hard work.
My kids are happy it's over and just in time as my middle daughter has an eating problem through stress. She gets her exams results tomorrow so I hope she will start to eat better and stop stressing. Took her to the doctors because she lost 2 stone and now is only 6 stone in weight. They took blood and it came back as low white blood cells, she has to re- do the test in three wks.
So worried about her and I know it's because of my cancer as well as her exams.
She try's to eat but can only manage a few pieces of chicken and not much veg. Today I made her a boiled egg with two slices of toast.0 -
Happy for you Ali, but sucks about your daughter stressing so much. I hope things settle down for all of you. Much love
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mlb...i am biding my time to be single again...didn't realize you were doing that as well as all of the cancer crap!
i need to do some fancy footwork in the money dept but i will make this stupid trip happen..he would never forgive himself if he didn't go see brother sheski (they are polish so that's his nickname for his brother)...since we aren't getting straight info from SIL we have no clue how long he may have..so--we will go sept 15th unless something goes wrong before then...
ok i have an issue...my left boob (the lx side) seems bigger and firmer than my right and it also feels warm....should i be worried? since my weight loss surgery i have droopy soxwithrox not boobs...so the firmness is welcomed! ok- TMI i guess...
glad it's wednesday....actually had to have the truck heater on this morning tho!
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Ali
The poor girl. Likely so worried about you this whole time along with regular teen worry stuff. I hope her counts start coming up and she starts gaining some weight. How much is a stone?
Margo
I'm loving the cool mornings. It warmed up again here and I actually had to put the AC on.
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lumpy...I also had a left LX and I found after the rads it became bigger and firmer too.
I mentioned that to the mammo tech this week and she said that is fairly common. After the mammo it is a tad tender as well.
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lumpy and schiatzi
A GF of mine had a LX a couple of years ago and while thankfully it was benign. She did tell me that her doctor mentioned that he could refer her to a PS to take care of the scar. She said no way, that breast became firmer and perkier and if she was to go it was to make the other breast match.
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LOL...I see her point. I must admit, to look at both boobs, you can't really tell the difference. The LX one is just firmer to the touch since rads. No biggie! My scar is virtually invisible. It's only when I bend over that you can see a indentation.
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schatzie- i haven't started rads yet!
i won't do recon either-not worth the energy--but i would love to match the right up to the firmness of the left! looking at me headon you don't really see a diff..i just know!
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lumpy....after a year, I am happy with the results and rarely even think about the surgery anymore. It is what it is! Your LX side is already firmer than the other without rads? To tell the truth, I never paid any attention until after rads.
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Hildy I'm postponing the tamoxifen too, but I'm going to bite the bullet and get it started this weekend. Maybe tomorrow.
Myleftboob - good luck showing the house.
Ali - sorry about your daughter. I hope her appetite improves.
lumpy - RE: your left boob goes, you might want to get it checked out. My aunt had a really nasty infection this year in the breast she had her lx in, and the lx was several years ago. Go and get it looked at, just to be safe.
Got my final pathology report in from the UMX and there was no cancer found. You would think I would be happy but instead it just made me really angry, like why did I bother to get a UMX then? I know that is such a bad attitude and there were good reasons for the UMX but that is how I feel. I really don't want rads and I decided I am going to get a second opinion from a different RO to make sure I really need rads.
I'm going to punch the next person that tells me I look like Sinead O'Conner. Will someone bail me out of jail if and when this happens?
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Christina
I would get a 2nd opinion too if I were you. My margins were huge and no nodal involvment yet the RO wanted me to do RADS. Thankfully the tumor board out voted her. Had they not, I was off for a 2nd opinion as well.
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Christina
Sarah didn't get her A grades but got B's she did well considering all the shit she has been through. She got into her chosen college and the subjects she wanted. She cried and blamed me but I know she didn't mean it. We had a terrible shouting match and both cried and then I took myself off for a few hours and came back and gave her a big cuddle and told her I loved her.
She has gone to a music festival for the weekend with her friends so I think she will come back a different teenager.
You have every right to feel the way you do and think twice about rads.
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Ali
My Mum has a plaque hanging on her wall that says "You can't scare me, I've raised teenagers!" 6 to be exact and the worst being me and my two sisters. Girls are so much more emotional. You handled it well and I'm sure your daughter feels badly too.
I had my 6 month check up today with my MO. Bloodwork totally perfect, no highs, no lows on any count. Gained 5 pounds though, gulp! I've been very, very bad lately with ice cream, baked goods and the like. I went down a few and got cocky, typical me. Gotta get back on track now. Well, after labour day LOL!
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Christina..lol...I would bail you out of jail! I also look like sinead oconnor so that might be weird!
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(((ali))) teenagers are so scary! I can't imagine parenting teens PLUS going through this crap.
myleftboob - ugh I am binging on treats too. NOT a good idea. The weather has been really nice and I'm hoping to go for walks or light jogs this weekend. I need to stop snacking so much. Stress eating. Anyway glad your bloodwork came back A+.
love74 - thank you!
Made my 2nd opinion RO appointment for 9/7. DH is really annoyed I am trying to get out of rads. OH WELL.
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Christina -well the point is not to get out of rads, its to do the right thing. The problem is, if you have two differing opinions, how will you decide which is the right thing? I was relieved that I didnt have to do rads, but if I thought it would have been helpful, I would have done it.
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Hey everyone!! August is drawing to a close. Where does the time go? Oh I know .... at least for me ... three sons off to college this month, new student orientation with the youngest on campus, and those daily rad treatments. Have completed 15/28 so 13 more to go.
Never checked back in with a hair update ... remember how my head hair (and eyelashes) started coming out again two weeks post weekly Taxol? Well, as mysteriously as it started - it stopped. It never became that apparent to anyone that knows me that it was coming out ... but boy was that an emotional rollercoaster for me. You gals rocked with allowing me to vent here and your words of encouragement. So ... it has also kept growing and I was able to just go to my son's new student orientation without that being an issue. I have even used some Brilliant Brunette wash in shampoo which I had in my bathroom cupboard. It is supposed to wash out in 3-5 shampoos so it is really short lived and very gentle. Who knows how long I've had it :-) but it gives a hint of color to the whispy ends of grey that are framing my face and they appear more blonde than grey and I think it gives the rest of my hair dimension. Small triumphs! My eyebrows have finally decided to fill in also and they eyelashes are growing back - but doing that sticking straight out thing on top and too short to really 'curl' at this point.
The beginning of radiation treatment was tough. The first CT scan day was okay as it went. When I went back for the simulation and additional pictures and first treatment it was a long appointment. At the beginning my cording was coming back and it was uncomfortable to stay in that position for a long time. And I just was so, so, so emotional from that day on. I told my husband and my radiation oncologist that I doubt I would have had this reaction if rads was at the beginning and my mastectomy at the end or chemo at the end ... but it was really hitting me that this was/is a LOT in a way that it hadn't as much until midway through my weekly Taxol treatments. I would go into the changing room and just sob after treatments. I texted my sister one day from the garage and she took the whole day off to spend with me! And then I seemed to get over the hump and one day after another I was not on the verge of tears or shedding any. Last week was tear free except in my appointment with my rad onc who had been on vacation the two weeks before. My actual time in the treatment is so short ... my linear accelerator is positioned and then moves three times - so I have 4 separate 'zaps'. Whatever should I call them? My therapists are so sweet and funny and encouraging.
Okay I have to tell you that for the first time in I don't know how many months my first thought when I woke up was not about cancer. I had a dream that my husband was PREGNANT!!! And that was very much on my mind when I woke up and I laughed and laughed describing the dream to him. We were our ages in the dream (49 and 53) but our boys were back in their toddler days. It was one crazy dream, but I will take it because it was a breath of fresh air for me.
Even though I have not written I've been reading all the posts. So glad to hear that Ali is finished with rads and that firstcall ran that half marathon. That myleftboob had great bloodwork results, that Christina has no cancer in that final pathology report. Lumpy I know you've been going through it with rads about to begin and your husband and the trip planning. Hang in there! Christina, I can imagine the mixed emotions of finding out a clear pathology report but differing opinion on rads. The oncs should be able to let you know a ballpark percentage increase in no recurrence, etc. you would derive from the radiation. We are all so different even though we are in this together. But I concur with firstcall (although I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on tv) the point is not to get our of rads but to come to a decision that you are comfortable with after weighing what these oncologists have told you. If you need a third opinion and can get one ... go for it.
Hugs and love to everyone. One thing that definitely does mess with my mind is chemo and rad brain. I tell my husband I am way too young to being having these memory and concentration difficulties that I was crazy concerned about before chemo began. I am hopeful that when the treatment ends and the fatigue too ... that I'll get myself back in that department. Still running ... albeit it hasn't been every day. Today was 5.5 miles however and a good run!
Hugs again!
Diana
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Diana, wow three kids in college is one empty pocketbook! LOL, glad to hear from you again.
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diana thx for checking in!
friday at work i got the call to go for my pre rads pics and line up..i forget now what it's technically called- all i know is taht i came out with purple marker all over me and it stained my clothes and showed with the blouse i was wearing when i went back to work...didn't know or i would have dressed accordingly. i start RADs tomorrow-monday-and i am actually glad to get it going tho i still have some ..concern...for lack of better word...i am NOT happy that they have me scheduled at 230 in the freakin afternoon- really messes with teh work flow in my dept--so i will be speaking to the scheduler- work is being patient however 6 weeks of that will NOT do!and i am worried about what to wear to go back to work each day so my clothes don't get ruined from lotions...our dress code is casual but i don't have a lot of things that i can spare!
today i MUST do some cleaning/ unpacking!now that i have my comp access at home i need to be able to navigate this room!
yesterday was errands- bloodwork for allergies and shopping, filled the gas tank etc...
i'm having the memory issues as well-on dumb stuff! AND weird dreams!!! my daughter bought a house and the closing was sposed to be last week -she needs out of her apt by this friday (31st) and the dream was about her moving in with her brother and his wife and 2 girls --NOT AN OPTION in real life!!!!also her bf -whom she is leaving!- was in the dream and -well- just about as weird as diana's husband being pregnant!!!
hope you all have a great day!
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Last night I dreamed I was flying a jumbo jet that stalled out. I was calm but kept trying to keep it flying. You think that imagery has anything to do with bc? LOL!
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What's with all ya'll and these weird dreams???
hee hee @ firstcall, I know you are right. DH already made me promise that if I go see the 2nd opinion RO and that RO does NOT recommend rads, that I will then get a third opinion. I do want to do what is best for my health. I am expecting the 2nd opinion RO to recommend rads as well, but I'm hoping that I can be more emotionally accepting of it if I hear it from a 2nd RO.
Diana so glad you checked in. Happy you are more than halfway through radiation. Ah, those small triumphs! I love that phrase and I am going to steal it. So are you officially an empty nester now?
Margo, good luck with radiation tomorrow. Be sure to let us know how it goes. Would it help to wear a light, cheap sleeveless t-shirt under your shirt, or something similar?
Had a small mental breakdown yesterday. DH and I went out to a livestock auction in the morning and that went fine. But then in the evening, we went to the racetrack and were waiting there to meet up with friends and watch the races. But I freaked out crying and we had to leave. I felt awful - I am rocking the chemo hair, I'm missing a boob (taking a break from the camisole with my pillow boob this weekend because it makes me a little sore where I am still healing)...I feel like I have "CANCER" written on my forehead and that everyone is looking at me (or trying not to look at me) and feels sorry for me. I couldn't take it anymore. I know it's 99% in my head but it was so upsetting. So DH brought me home and gave me ice cream. He is the best DH.
But then that made me cry too because I thought, he shouldn't have to deal with this, we've been married less than a year and it's been total crap. 
Anyway I've been distracted and tearful all weekend and have gotten zero schoolwork done. Not sure if it's emotions from the UMX or if it's because I started tamoxifen on Friday. Maybe both. *sigh*0 -
Lumpy - It sounds like they marked you up a bit more than they did me. Perhaps when you go tomorrow they will narrow it down a bit. I have three spots marked "x" with black marker and covered with clear stickers - although sometimes the x is larger than the sticker. So far the marker has only bled on a bra and it isn't ruined - although I wear that one more than any other since mastectomy so I might "retire" it when all this treatment is done (LOL). I try not to wear a bra much now as I don't want to irritate the skin with friction from straps or under my breast. I think that Christina's idea is a good one. I've read about women wearing camisoles or light t-shirts during rads. I had thought I wanted tatoos when I started but even though they are just little dots I am glad at this point that I don't have them. Just one more thing that probably would have sent my fragile emotions over the edge at that time. As long as I don't sweat these stickers and marks off I think I'll stick with the marker. I might get a talking to tomorrow because one sticker is really peeling. Sorry about the sucky afternoon rad time. I would think that they will work with you as best they can to get you a better time either before or after work. They might just need someone else to end rads so that you can take that slot. My first week of rads was 5:15 pm, then 8:15 am for three days, and then 9:00 am. I'm on the 9:00 am slot now although sometimes they are running behind even that early in the morning.
Moonflower - Thankfully it helps that my husand works at the university where our two youngest are. Their tuition is waived and our oldest son has received a tuition waiver for three years at his university because it is part of the same council of Christian colleges as my husband's university. He isn't receiving the waiver this semester while he is taking courses in LA but will receive it again for his final semester in the Winter/Spring. Room and board is pricey but we do what we are able and they take loans. The waivers are huge and I remind my husband whenever tuition has been raised at either university that he just got a raise ;-) LOL at your dream about the jet. How did you know I fell asleep watching Airport '75 the other afternoon. "The stewardess is flying the plane??" It's the serious airport movie that was satirized in the Airplane movie.
Christina - I understand. There are just times when it hits and you really can't control when it will overcome you. Your husband LOVES you! I empathize with the feelings of our loved ones having to deal with this. And you dear one on your honeymoon and with school on top of everything else. Give yourself some grace (I know easier said than done.) On a good day I remember that my chemo nurse and my oncologist and now my rad nurse and my rad onc have all told me that we've been through a lot and this is 'normal' to experience all these emotions. And even though certain treatments have been completed - like chemotherapy - it doesn't mean that the repercussions of those treatments have ended or will end for a long time. That sucks but at the same time (on a good day) I can tell myself that this is 'normal' for what I've been through and am going through. I wish I were there to wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug. (And yes .. I guess some would call us empty nesters now with all three away at college.)
Myleftboob - about your mom's plaque ... I saw one once several years back that read "Teenagers ... the reason some animals eat their young". My sister-in-law and I had a good laugh about that one. Now I am looking at my guys 22, 19, & 18 and realizing I only have 15 months left with any teenagers. Our Aaron will turn 20 in September and our Ryan turns 19 in November. Tempus Fugit! so Carpe Diem!
Itching ... part of my radiated skin is itching. It's not painful but the itch drives me crazy. The nurse recommended Hydrocortisone cream and we have some with aloe in it so I have been using that. The place where it itches the most is all in the front above and below my clavicle and coming down from there to the left of my sternum above my breast and the top. I know that I risk irritating my skin more running through this but it's a trade-off that right now I am willing to take because the runs help my mood so much when those endorphins kick in.
Hugs to all!
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Anyone else notice that cancer is all over television? You are all probably not couch potatoes like me. Just during one program this evening there were three commercials re: cancer. I know I am more sensitive to it now, but wonder if I might just have to go on a television fast during October if it picks up during awareness month.
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diane-yes about the cancer on tv....and hair care products...which would be great if i had hair!!!!
i rubbed a teeny bit of the lotion on my hand and it's just kinda sticky so it may not ruin my clothes- tho i am not sure if it will "do" what the nurses think it will f i burn...not trying to buy trouble- just trying to plan ahead!and i guess i can easily throw a tank top under my blouse/shirt...
as for the mid afternoon time- yes; they probly are waiting for someone else to finish up--i asked even for say 11 or 1130 in the morning as that would be easier on the work load of the rest of my dept -i think someone is finishing that space this coming week so we'll see what happens--it just would really be so much more convenient to go there last thing in the day and put on a cruddy shirt after and go home! but hey- what part of this cancer has been convenient????!!!!!
christina- i have noticed lately that i feel like ppl are looking at me seeing cancer in big letters across my forehead--i know it' snot true but i feel it sometimes so go ahead and cry!get it out! ...as for hubby- i'm sure that his love for you will survive this too!!!!!here's a hug from me as well....as diane mentioned ; we don't know how long we will feel the emotions of all of what we have been through these past 6 or 9 months or so.....
well- i need to get to bed so i can be perky in the morning-oh wait- it's monday and i don't like monday--and i am NEVER perky in the morning! silly me!
hoping we all have peaceful pleasant dreams tonite!!!!!!
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