February 2012 Chemo
Comments
-
((((MLB))))) it is hard. Stay strong, you are doing everything you can. Sounds like you got her in the place at the right time. And, now the nursing home is going to be the right place to. Prayers for you and your family. We are going through it with my MIL now. My parents have both passed, but my DH is always making the choice of where he has to be, with me or his folks. I tell him, he has to go to them as often as he needs to, they are 90 and won't be here much longer. So as I have gotten better, he has spent nor tme with them. Much love.
0 -
karen..sorry to know of all of the troubles however very glad that you are back amongst us! i've had 9 of my 34 rads so i'm on my way-just a nuisance...
maureen..i'm sorry to read these things about your mother...it is always so hard to see a vibrant person decline quickly....prayers go out and a hug!
we had rain all nite and it was welcomed! actually thunder and litning and i had forgotten how pretty it is to watch teh sky here- i live about 10 blocks from lake erie so it's nice to watch the storms over the lake! ok- i'm weird!
today i feel like i am wasting my day- so many things that i would like to do or should do but no motivation to get dressed and go out nor to even out a load of laundry in...had a bad sleep nite and not sure why...
have to really adjust recipes and cooking habits as michael's triglycerides are at 640 - should be around 150....ouch! since he is home all day and not able to cook it leaves it to me and i am too pooped to pop when i get home soooooo...add in teh probs he has with his false teeth and he loves everything mushy- i get tired of that! i need to chew! so-i need to get the cookbooks out i guess....head to the grocery store....
gosh that all sounds like work!
0 -
MLB...so sorry to hear about your Mom...we went thru the same thing with my Mom and Mother in Law last year.
I hope she doesn't suffer and can live the rest of her life with relative comfort. I know how you must jump everytime the phone rings, especially at night. Hang in there....sadly it's a part of life.
0 -
Hi everyone, well I went to the car meet for the little boy. The cars were fab and everyone had a great time. The sun was out and he had amazing time, so did the family. The dad was in tears when he was talking, thanking everyone and hugging his son.
It was great that so many strangers came and had a fab time.0 -
I am going to start CMF on September 21st, unless my seroma needs to be drained some more. My oncologist says that CMF causes hair thinning, but i'm reading that that can vary. I'm also wondering how you faired on the CMF. i will have 6-8 cycles he indicates and i'm hoping that i will be able to continue to work as i am a single parent.
0 -
flddreamer - so glad you are back! It sounds like you have been through some tough times, with treatment and otherwise. The neuropathy sounds atrocious - is there hope that it may eventually improve? Glad you got through rads okay overall though. I too cannot wait to be rid of wigs, hats, etc.!
myleftboob - I hate to hear that you are having to cope with your mother's illness and decline. I think that is one of the hardest things a person has to go through in life. You've had a rough year, yet your attitude is always so positive. You are amazing!
margo - do you use a crock pot/slow cooker much? They are wonderful for preparing good meals that are soft. I love mine. My motivation level is super low too. I am not keeping up with my schoolwork at all. I just want to be done. I want to live a normal life, tired of going nuts with cancer treatments + schoolwork.
ali - glad to hear the car meet went so well for that little boy.
Well we had health issues with MIL too this week. Actually, it was more an issue with the nursing home she is at, than her health. We were on our way to visit her when we got a call from our nephew. He was quite panicked because he'd called the nursing home to see how she was doing, and was told she may be going on hospice today! We were quite alarmed obviously. Her health is not great but to hear such a thing second-hand was alarming. So we go to see her and she was her normal self. She said she was depressed that morning and wondering if she could go on, so the nursing home sent hospice people to see her! But shortly after she was in better spirits and was actually thinking some physical therapy might help her get stronger. Let me tell you ladies (and firstcall), it was all I could do to hold it together and not rip someone's head off. I work in a nursing home and I would NEVER make a hospice referral without careful conversation with the patient AND the family. It is a big decision for a person to make. Anyway we got it all straightened out without my doing anything that would cause me to incur any felony charges. But I am still steaming a little about it.
0 -
ok so i need to vent.....
when my hubby was injured at work in 2006, we lost our health coverage (and we had very very good coverage!we were spoiled!). he was old enuff to go on medicare -i was left as one of the 42miliion(???) Americans without insurance. when i was diagnosed with bc i was enrolled in medicaid....when i got my job (which i still love!!!!!!!!!!!!) i became entitled to get health ins and i pay my portion from my check every two weeks..medicaid stopped july 31st...my ins company is hassling me because i seem to have a pre-existing-ya think???? they are even hassling about paying for my labs for my allergy workup...
i am so discouraged cuz isn't it the dream and goal to have a job and have insurance???or should i have stayed home unemployed and suffered and lived on medicaid....? i know the answer and i will fight this it is just discouraging folks....
sorry......
and it doesn't help that sweetie and i have been fighting all nite- i really could care less if he dropped dead right now....
on a positive- i became the proud owner of a (used) working lawnmower today ! and my son and i are recycling some cool wooden (twin) beds to make a daybed/couch and two chairs for my enclosed back porch!!!he gained custody of wooden beds that belonged to his company (he works for a company which manages some group homes) and he was going to cut up for campfire wood...well- i saw it and asked - it's gonna be cool tho probly won't come to "be" til spring for next summer...
0 -
oh christina- i am learning to use the crockpot more....
he played martyr tonite and said that i didn't need to fix different healthier meals cuz of money- i just am so tired of his narcissisitic behaviors--and pointed out that it would be healthier for me as well!
i really wish i lived alone...sorry....
0 -
(((((Lumps)))))
0 -
Christine
Thanks for the kind words. I'm a positive person by nature but this year has put it to the test for sure.
I can't believe that hospice was called. I would think all residents feel that way from time to time. Glad you were able to keep your cool.
Margo
Oh hun I feel for you and know what it feels like when my "DH" starts blowing his stack about money. Funny he never did when I was bringing home the lions share. Matter of fact he had F all when we met. I think I've pretty much earned close to what he has in spite of TX. The problem with my earnings is that its not steady. Like a Realtor I only get paid for a deal that closes. I know once I'm on my own again I'll do great once I'm out of this toxic envrionment.0 -
Hello all,
it's been awhile since I posted but i have been reading and keeping up with everyone. It would take too long to mention everyone by name but you are all in my thougths (()).
I tossed the wig in July as I just could not stand wearing it and I am happy to say that I never looked back. I was just looking at my bag of scarfs and hats - they have got to go, they are an awful reminder of all the bad things this year. I returned to work this past week on a full-time basis and I love it. I am so tired but for a change it is from being busy and nothing to do from being sick!!! Hair is growing in nicely - love the little curls and how thick it is - hope it will remain this way. It is grey, but more blackish gray with little flecks of white.... i think i am going to keep it this way, get lots of compliments. I've been compared to Jaime Lee Curtis and Dame Judy Dench - not bad. I have a lot of laughs when I tell people that I notice that the movie stars are now copying my look, Anne Hathaway and Miley Cyrus, always gets a laugh.
I am seeing the oncologist this week for my first follow-up and then I am on the tamoxifen cycle. Makes me a little nervous but I figure it can't be any worse then what we have gone thru this year. Sleeplessness seems to be my reality anyway so how much change can it really cause.
My boobs seemed to be healed from the lumpectomy, chemo and rads and are doing fine - still some discoloration but i'm so used to it now I hardly notice. Only concern I have right now is that the left one feels heavier then the other and some times it feels like it is pulling. Not sure what that is I will have to ask the onc when I see her/ Anyone else having that? I try not to worry but I am afraid cancer will always be the first thing that comes to mind.
Next on the list to worry about is birth control. I did the pill from 20s to 30s, then Mirena IUD and now with it being removed this month I have to figure out something else. At 48 I still need to worry about getting pregnant .....ooooh I cant even imagine a baby at this point. But being on the Tamoxifen doesnt guarantee menopause and the threat of pregnancy remains....any suggestions??
Anyway (((hugs))) to all - you are all in my thoughts. This has been a long tough journey and I am glad we all had each other to go thru it with.
0 -
mtrdee...my left (TX) boob also feels heavier and seems like it has a life of it's own in regard to being perkier --my RO said it is fairly normal for it to appear larger for awhile but will eventually shrink down...
i am waiting for short curls!!!! my coverage is increasing tho sooooooooooo slowly.....once i have scalp coverage( i still have very sparse areas and some bald spots) i would feel so much better about ditching my wig-for now i continue to suffer....
mlb...yes; i guarantee that you will feel and do so much better once the environment changes! i'm just feeling very smothered right now and i am starting to resent it again-last time i felt this way, i divorced him but when i took him back in i felt like i made a stronger commitment to see out the remainder of his life- which is not ending soon....(gosh that sounds horrid- if you all knew me better you would understand i really mean no malice--i'm just tired of the mistakes that i made when i entered into life with him--he needs me so much more than i need him and it will NOT guarantee me a better place in heaven!). he would not make it alone and his kids and family really don't want him- he's done too much to alienate...and he is too needy,,,i love him i just am not so sure that i like him right now:(
last nite's argument was basically about "how much have we gotten ahead"? since i am working full time he expects miracles i guess- no counting for increase in rent, all bills paid on time, bought a washer and dryer and yesterday a lawnmower (even tho they were all used they still cost money); gas to go to work everyday and to tx everyday and to his drs etc etc and groceries and all of the normal life crap! now i'm paying co pays at drs and paying for my share of my ins...also paying car ins and car pay on a car that i drive once a month - can't afford to sell it ...he is worried about what if something goes wrong wit the truck on the trip to wisconsin- well- that's valid but - do we just not go??his brother is not getting any healthier....i give up....
i'm sorry! i feel like i am dumping on you all and i should just hit delete but i cannot!
0 -
Hi all: It feels good to be able to manage the cursor, computer keys and read and post again. I feel hopeful the neuropathy will ease up in time.
Lumpy, I'm sorry about the difficulties with your husband. Don't ever feel bad about wanting to be alone. I haven't been in your shoes exactly but I empathize. Your feelings are normal. And understandable.
MLB, so sorry about your mom. This has to be so hard for you. My mom's been gone many years and I miss her still. We were starting to reach the point where you're at when she had a sudden heart attack and was gone. When she died, I felt conflicting feelings of being super sad and glad we didn't have to make all those difficult end-of-life decisions and steps. My heart and prayers go out to you.
Christina, I can't believe they'd call hospice like that. Glad no felony on your part ensued.
I can't believe the depth of anger and hostility I have felt during my cancer journey towards people who are insensiitive to others and do stupid things, whether to people I know or strangers. I've often said if I was truly dying of cancer, I'd go out and kill a few people here and there. Of course, not really, but I've certainly thought it. (This I type as I listen to a Sunday morning talk show on the Bible. Lord, forgive me!... But I think the Lord understand all of us and our emotions!)
Karen
0 -
I need to share a weird feeling I have. And I apologize to all who are still going thru everything and nowhere near being done. Especially those who still have surgery and reconstruction ahead of them.
When I left the rad clinic after my last rad on Friday, along with feeling good, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and wanted to cry. After some thought, I realized it was because for ten months, cancer has been part of my daily life. (and of course, will always be part of my realization.) There were so many days of treatment, daily or weekly contact with caregivers (not always sensitive people) but nonetheless. All of a sudden, I'm supposed to be normal again and go to work and not 'have to' be somewhere for treatment and not dealing with new SE's etc. people being attentive to me, seeing me, encouraging me, etc. I felt almost a sense of 'letdown.' Like, what now?
I'm sure this will pass. But it was really overwhelming and weird. I guess it's probably normal too! I just had to share that with all of you.
0 -
Lumpy: I feel so mad about your insurance situation. The 'system' seems to want to keep us down. Getting a job and insurance should be the step up that you need. But no, they start to talk about pre-exist,,,,etc.
I've experienced this in a different way with my two daughters and their mental health and medical issues. Although the oldest got her soc sec disab, she lost her food stamps. And there are other things she must pay for out of her very low benefits. Her life will always be a struggle financially. And, IF she can try to get back into the work force, she will then lose something else she gets, like medication assistance. It's as though you have to jump really high to get ahead of it and really dig yourself out of the bottom....and who can do that!
I hope you can get some relief from the insurance carriers and I wish you the best.
0 -
(((((Everyone!)))))). Seems to be a bad week for most. Flddrmr, they actually warned me about the separation anxiety after tx ends. Said you're giving up your safety net, seeing someone medical every week at least. So at least you know everyone feels that way. Lump and MLB, crap, that's not easy. You will get through it too. Much love to all
I have a bit of good/ bad news. No more Herceptin for me. Heart issues. Good news is I'm done, bad news is I'm done. Geeze, can't win, I gotta complain either way, LOL. But one bit of good news. My daughter is coming in from PA today. I get to see her for more than an hour for the first time in 3 years! So I am happy about that. She will be here til Tuesday. Much love to all.0 -
lumpy - I would THINK (I could be wrong) that your employer-based medical insurance has to pay for your care if you can show that you had insurance coverage through Medicaid prior to your coverage with them. Otherwise there would be a wait period due to a pre-existing condition (although ObamaCare is going to make that go away in the near future). You may want to contact the insurance company or your human resource department to discuss this. I have had this issue myself with my spouse in the past and that is how it worked.
mthrdee - glad to see you. What about getting your tubes tied? Another surgery probably doesn't sound like fun but you'd have 100% peace of mind that way.
Karen - I felt very let down and depressed after chemo ended. And I felt bad for feeling that way. I thought I should be happy. But I think that the change in routine + knowing that you aren't actively doing something to fight the cancer is a stressor. Anyway I can totally relate to it. And I can relate to thinking about killing people too. lol Glad I am not the only one. Probably not the best way to spend one's final days though.
moonflwr - I'm sorry you had to stop the herceptin. What a conflict that must be, that medicine to help save your life is also killing you. It's a terrible situation. But definitely best for your health if it is harming your heart. I hope you enjoy your visit with your daughter.
0 -
christina- i rec'd the letter from Medicaid yesterday showing that I had coverage-tho it was not the 18 months coverage needed for credibility--i will fight this and intend to go to my HR ppl...i also can document losing my coverage etc due to spouse's work related injury in 2006...all those years i had no coverage and prayed nothing would go wrong-then =bam@ bc!!! i'm not giving up just very frustrated becausei know taht i am on the right path of having a job to better myself and my situation etc vs sitting home while i am able to work and staying "in the system"....
moon-enjoy the daughter time!!! so precious!!!!
about the "let down" as tx ends--i have been reading and thinking about this and it actually concerns me- part of me wants so badly to be "done" and resume normalcy and yet...the attention and people and etc has been nice in a way....i know that it's changed us all....and i feel that it has empowered me...
0 -
Had my three month check up with BS first she said am I getting hot flushes with Tamoxifen? I told her it was bad at night and she said good, thank god it's working.
Next she told me I would have a mammo on 17th December, then every six months.
I had a breast exam and I will see Onco next month for check up. So every three months seeing both for two years then six months and yearly.
They don't do scans unless I or they think I have a problem. She told me I was very high risk at having another Cancer but " you never know" I have to know my body and do exam only once a month.
BS told me not to worry and be happy because there's no point to life other wise.0 -
Margo, I hope that everything works out with the insurance issues. What a nightmare. No one should have to be in a situation like that.
Ali, I am hot flashing over here right now. There is an August 2012 tamoxifen group and if you aren't already in a tamoxifen group, come over and gripe with us. How do you feel with being done with the rest of treatment, and visits being spaced out like this? Just reading it makes me nervous. I guess being seen so often now is sort of a security blanket.
0 -
Well, that didn't last long. Today I felt totally over my 'letdown' separation feelings and felt a tremendous sense of relief at not having regular treatment anymore. I worked several hours longer than I've been doing and notified my boss that I would soon be able to work 40 hr weeks again, be a regular employee, and end my disability status.
Well, I should have 'knocked on wood'. I had an appointment with my MO today to follow up on rourtine blood workup done last week. Turns out my liver enzymes are 3 times higher than they were the last time we drew blood on 6/20.
On 6/20, my AST (aspartate transaminase) was 27 and my ALT (alanine transaminase) was 45. Now, 2 months later, on 8/29 results were: AST " was 127 and my ALT " was 155.
This is way over three times higher than the first time. And, although I've looked up a bunch of stuff on the internet, it all indicates it could be serious or it could be nothing. How likely is it for me that it is nothing? (hmmmm. I doubt it).
So, ultimately, now I play the waiting game. I have a CT scan next Tuesday (a whole week away) and will see the doctor a week from Thursday to get the results. Geesh, I thought I was done with the worse of everything once I finished chemo and rads last week.
I am very despondent, thinking the worse and trying to tell myself it might be nothing. Please keep me in your prayers. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take! And, if any of you understand this better or know anything about it, please send me links or give me info. Thanks so much.
Karen
0 -
Oh Karen. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know much about those numbers but I'll see what I can find out. In the meantimey prayers are with you for strength and recovery and getting those numbers back where they belong.
Diana0 -
Fldreamer, green tea can mess up your liver readings. Some herbal supplements and meds can do the same. Drinking also can do the same. Hang in there. I'll be praying. Meanwhile, love your liver and treat it right.
love and hugs.
Susan0 -
Much thanks, Susan and Diana for encouragement and support. I swear to G..., if drinking caused this. then I'm gonna start drinking more often....! A bit of humor there as I have less than one drink a month. A margarita with dinner with an old high school friend. And I never drink green tea or take any herbal supplements. However, I've done some research and it could be due to my statin meds for my heart. Also, many other things could cause it. I've been on the internet all night and talked to a nurse friend of mine. I need to just chill out and get the CT scan and find out what's happening.
I'm still frustrated with the whole situation though. Also, I'm trying not to freak out over the CT scan. The doc said it would be about an hour. Ugh.....scream, scream. I think I'll have to be doped up with something to calm the anxiety or I'll never make it thru that. it will be an open scan though, meaning my head will be out. Small comfort.
It just all seems so unfair. I decided recently I would not retire in December as planned and work thru next June for financial reasons. IF, for some reason, this turns out bad, I'll go ahead and retire and take a trip spending at least a little bit of my 401K money (not much left....but if the end is near, I won't need a lot). Sorry, not trying to be morbid. Anyway, I'm turning in for the night. Need to not think about this since the test and results are a week away. Thanks again.
0 -
(((((Flddrmr)))))boy, I know all about plans not going how you thought they would go. So, just (((((hugs)))))
0 -
Karen, remember, i have mets to the liver. it is not an automatic death sentence. i have been living with it for a year. and i know many women who have been living with it for years.
cat scans are.pretty easy. they look like large donuts and they don't pass your head through.
at same time, ativan is a good thing for those tense moments.
for me, my liver readings did not change until the tumors were.pretty big.
don't know what is going on, but.praying and hoping it's something harmlessly.weird.
either way, you'll be ok. we're here to support you.
Susan0 -
Fldreamer, really sorry you are going through this. Over here we don't have the blood tests as they say they can give false readings. They tell us to look for signs and how you feel in yourself. I don't know what is worse not having or having these blood tests.
I have had terrible lower back pain in last few weeks and I'm going to tell my onco next month if it's still the same.
Sending hugs0 -
Ali, could the back pain be related to tamoxifen? I have similar problems and am thinking that's what is going on.
0 -
So today my back is so bad I went to bed, it starts at the top and goes to my hips but covers all the area. It's a dull painfull ache that won't go away, wearing a bra is terrible.
I think it could be from the rads as I have pain under my arm pit.
I am having a glass of wine because I am near to Bloody tear's with the pain. I don't feel right and every time I breath it hurts on my chest and top of my back.
I'm frightened as I pain is getting worse had it two days now, had a full body massage but it didn't help.
Have made soup today and did some ironing, how I don't know.
My BS said rads will effect you all your life- bloody great.0 -
Woke up with a bad head from the two glasses of wine. My back is a little better and I can breath again.
0
