February 2012 Chemo
Comments
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Here's an article where a doctor discusses the pluses and minuses of mastectomy vs lumpectomy. I thought it was nicely written:
My oncologist is one of the best in the city, but I do need to talk her about being more positive. She's like a mom who means well, but doesn't want her child being disappointed, so she's always giving warnings. Oy. That's tiring.
My last chemo on Taxol is June 15. Then I get re scanned and depending on what is there, we move to another type of chemo. Joy, joy.
I talked to a woman yesterday who is 9 years remission from Stage IV colon cancer so that cheered me up. It helps to talk to long term survivors of this malarkey. She went through 2 1/2 years of treatment so that was a reality check for me.
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gritgirl - thanks for the link, I am going to read the article next.
I am having the worst day ever. I met with my onc. He is too nice. He says I should be celebrating being done with chemo, not sad over surgery options. He said he would say a 10% higher chance of reoccurance with lumpectomy, but that is not enough for him to try to persuade me to have a lumpectomy vs. mastectomy. I'm glad he is supportive but I feel like I am in a position where I have to make a decision on emotion and not real facts. What does 10% mean to me? I don't know. In the middle of this, my mom texts me - my little sister is pregnant. I am still coping with the fact that all this means no kids for me (at least biologically). Instead of being happy for my sister, I am in tears, tears of selfishness, self-pity, anger at the world. And I feel like an awful person for feeling this way. I stayed home from work again. In between crying I am trying to get an appointment with the breast onc I saw in Kansas City - I want her opinion on what surgery is most reasonable for me. I told my onc I was going to see her and he was fine with that too.
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christina, why would this mean you can't have children? you'd still have one breast left to nurse?
and i totally get those tears. i am 47 and always wanted children but am bad at picking partners and didn't want to be a single mom. so every wedding i go to, every baby shower i attend, all of it just makes me feel sad. and from talking to others like me, this is normal.
go ahead and cry. i'm with you sista.
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Grit, sometimes we get slapped with reality. Not fun. You are making progress though, and you need to focus on that. I am sitting here with my last TCH today. Still have Herceptin for a year, but lookin forward to it anyway. So you won't be the only one still on a chair!
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christina...please don't feel badly about feeling guilty! It's a shock and nothing you could have known or done anything about. Be glad you are getting healthy again and will continue to live your life. If your worst fears come to be (no biological kids) adopted kids need parents, there are many options.
Sorry don't mean to preach but I am trying to put myself in your position and I can see why you are sad and totally PO'd. I am past the age of having kids but if I weren't, I would be sad too but happy to be getting over this rotten thing.
Good luck to you with the other breast onc. maybe you will be more sure after you get her opinion. I was never given an option...it was a lumpectomy for me with chemo and rads.
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Awwww, Christina, (hugs) . I can't tell you I know how you feel, cause I never had go go there. But I can tell you I am praying for you to accept what you have to accept, and fight for what you can do. May you make the right decision for you. Much love.
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BIG hugs Christina! Dont lose faith yet, you never know what God has in store for us. Feelings are normal and you have a right to feel whatever you want.
Question, does anyone know if they can use our port for surgery rather than them to prick me over and over to try to find one in my arm only to fail and then have to go through my hand after I TOLD them that to begin with?
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T/C #2 today;Neulasta tomorrow
packing all weekend with some laundry thrown in
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lumpynme...are you taking Claritin with the Neulasta for the pain?
I did and never had so much as a twinge.
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Lumps, I was gonna remind you about the claritan as well.
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yes -have been taking one nitely for weeks now-helps with my allergies too
discussed the bone pain with MO-he offered the decadron which i turned down(still took what was given today but not the 2 a day afterwards) because of teh sugar lows that i had during A/C. He has read about claritin but didn't know it worked and agreed that it can't hurt!!! he also gave me samples of colace incase of constipation when i take my percoset.
next TX i think i'll go alone- really bad day with my sweetie-did not need the stress he added to the day.
appt was at 9:15--didn't get in the chair til 10:45...home by 1:30 -took a 2 hour nap.....now i'm hungry!
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Lumps, the steroids raise my blood sugars something aweful. I had a fasting count of over 300 this morning. Oh well, tomorrow it will drop after I am done with the steroids. Too bad your time in the chair was so Stressful.
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Oh, I forgot, I am being scheduled for chemo rehab. My fitness level is so low, I can't even think about the live strong program try, so they are starting me on rehab. I am looking forward to it, as I had no idea where to begin to get better. I am so deconditioned, with my bad knees, I can barely walk anyway and the weakness I have had didn't help. So this is a good thing. Yay.
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moon...what is the rehab program? what do they do? best to you to get back on track!
it wasn't just the time in the chair it was the whole morning-he was driving 40 mph in a 55 mph zone on a highway and ppl were po'd including me! he was just nasty and he is stressing so much about our move that it is driving me nuts- stupid stuff- it's his anxiety and depression and i d feel compassion however i have about reached my limit...it consumes him and he tries to make it consume me...... today i tried to get his mind on other things but that didn't help!
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gritgirl - after chemo and surgery I'm going to have to take hormone-surpressing medication until I'm about 40 years old. Assuming I even start my cycle again after that point, I know women that age have babies all the time, but I am not personally comfortable with that. And with my mom getting dx'ed in her 40s and me in my 30s, I would be fearful of having a daughter getting diagnosed even younger. So, no bio kids for me.
Jen - yes, they should be able to use your port during surgery.
I am a miserable mess today. Spoke with my onc on the telephone and he referred me to his favorite breast surgeon for a 2nd opinion. I will see him on the 22nd. But I feel in my heart that he is going to say the same thing my onc and my previous surgeon have said - mastectomy is preferrable to lumpectomy. At work today I was okay but ever since I left I have just cried cried cried. I feel almost as bad as I did when I was initially diagnosed. I hate this.
On a happier note, I do feel happier for my sister and her pregnancy today. 0 -
Christina, I know how you feel about the Lumpectomy. Saw surgeon again and she says I may have a small scar or a very large one from my armpit to the top of the breast. Also another one on the breast so it could look horrible. She is worried about the lymph nodes just below my collar bone and says if is dangerous she won't remove them. She says I could end up having the breast removed. I'm not up for that at all only because I know I couldn't cope also my girls would freak out. I am a coward and I'd rather not have that done but have more chemo. This next stage is as bad as finding out you have Cancer, waiting for the path report.
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Christina
Sending a big cyber hug your way. Its bad enough dealing with a BC DX but then to have to deal with the whole baby thing too is just too much. I never had children either. Divorced at age 33 then met my current DH, got pregnant, lost the baby and could never get pregnant again. At that point I was nearly 40 and I knew that if we were to the fertility route that I was just at an age where I felt it wasn't meant to be if it didn't happen already naturally. I know alot of women decide to have children later in life but it wasn't for me. In your case though its not your decision which is worse. That's not to say kids aren't in your future if you really want them.
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Thanks for the support ladies. I am slowly getting my head together. Was a raging b$&*! for a couple of days. I have done a lot of research about mastectomy over the past few days and I am slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea. I am looking forward to my consult with surgeon #2 on the 22nd.
DH also talked to me a bit about adopting after all this is said and done. Apparently he's been doing a little research on his own; I had no idea he was looking into things. That surprised me, and made me feel really good.
It's been a decent weekend otherwise. I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I am technically a grandma...lol DH is quite a bit older than me and has a 23 year old son who has a wife and two children, a 1 year old boy and an almost 3 year old boy. So we have had the boys all weekend. Took them to the zoo yesterday...later today we will go see my mother in law in the nursing home. Wow do two little ones take a lot of energy!
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starting a new week! hoping all of you have a great one!
not alot of sleep here last nite thanks to the barking dog upstairs at all hours! she must have slept on her deck above my bedroom window!
two more weeks of this place!!!
bone pain started yesterday-not severe but noticeable; packing my heating pad and tylenol for work!
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Hello to all. The D train started a bit early, on Saturday night, rather than on Monday, but a least I got to go to the Bead and Button Show before it acted up! My DH took me cause I had free tickets, so going for an hour didn't make me feel like I was wasting money. He even said he enjoyed it. Yeah right, but it was .nice he thouht to say it. I am still amazed he is so helpful during all this when he hasn't been there for me for literally years! But throughtout this it has been so different. Do you suppose he actually cares? I don't know if I can depend on him, but right now its Good. Maybe he WOULD miss me if I weren't here.....weird. we will actually be married for 39 years this October. The last ten were very tense, and if he didn't work out of town, we probably would not still be together. sorry for bringing you all into this, but I am trying to get my head straight and see if I should open up a bit or try to keep my head down and not expect anything. Kind a got sidetracted from the bead and button show! LOL much love to all
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Christina
Could you get your eggs extracted before you begin chemo?
Alice
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bead and button show? i love buttons!
sorry moon--can't say; we have all found that the joyride we are on through this cancer brings out the best and worst in our friends and family...it's hard to say what your DH is feeling.....take it and run with it! build on it!
tuff day yesterday at work in re bone pain;percoset last nite and some sleep so am hoping today is better!
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feeling really tired and my eye sight is not getting better. I'm ok with long distance but short it's a blurr ever since the chemo. Lost another finger nail today they look so bad, on another note went to look at a 4x4 for me to take Lucy to her farm. I went in the day before with a hat on and yesterday i went in with a wig on, DH pushed me out of the door and said i will get upset. I was fine about it he's the one who has the problem.
Did i tell you he was getting a Nissan GTR 2yrs old and he is keeping his BMW.
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SO CONFUSED. I met with the RO yesterday. She is against radiation. She said that usual protocal for rads is 4 or more lymph nodes involved or tumor over 4cm, or profile, i.e. BRACA or estrogen factors. I had one lymph node involved, 1.6 cm tumore, ER+, HER2- and BRACA neg. Yet I have spoke to many women with similar dx and they did rads. The RO said it furter cuts reoccurnece by 15%. Why wouldn't i want to do RADS? She said because my cancer was on left breast. 5% chance of heart disease. Geez I'm not sure what is the worst of two evils. My Onc had said guidelines were changed last year to 1 or more lymph nodes involved. Any advice?
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Dipad, I would get a second opinion.
I had one node involved and had a mastectomy, and they still recommended rads. (Also a lot of lymphovascular invasion, which played a part in the decisioin.) I was in the so-called 'grey area' where the decision wasn't a slam-dunk, but my RO sent my profile around to all the others in the department and they agreed that rads were a good idea. My oncologist also wanted them, as she feared that if I had a local recurrence, it would lead to mets.
I am also a leftside person, and am doing this deep inspirational breathing technique that pushes my heart out of the radiation field. There is a risk of heart disease, as well as lung issues, but my understanding is that the deep breathing greatly decreases the heart stuff.
Here's a link to an article--scroll to page 4...
Edit: Apologies--I can't remember, but did you get a MX? I would think if it was a lumpectomy that rads would be a given, but wanted to double check...
Good luck!
Ali, your husband doesn't like you to wear a wig? WTH?
Lumpy, hope the bone pain subsides quickly;
and Moonflwr, I am jealous about that button and bead show. I have had a bit of a button/ebay problem in the past....
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Dipad
I second getting another opinion. My RO was totally pushing me to do RADS and I had no node or VI. Go figure. I went with the majority of the tumour board and they were all of the opinion no RADS with the exception of her. Like Hildy though I can't remember if you had a LX or MX. Regardless you had node involvement right?
Ali
Sorry about the eyes and nails. What doesn't he like about your wig? Mabey you look too good in it??
Moonflwer
Can't say I have every even heard of a button and bead show. Mabey DH is turning a new leaf, stranger things have happened. I can understand your trepidation though given your more recent history.
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Well, today will be my first mammogram. I'm sure it will be ok.....but it will be a first. I didn't have one with my initial work up, just an MRI and biopsy and PET etc. You know, my female patients don't complain to me about their mammograms anymore. They used to, but since my diagnosis they just say ok, and go get their mammograms.
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firstcall, good luck i know you will be fine.
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firstcall
Not many male doctors can relate on a level like you can especially after you have your first mammogram. Good luck!
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Well, the mammogram went fine. The biggest challenge is that I dont give them a whole lot to work with, but they managed. Met with the radiologist and everything checked out fine. She also mentioned that they have a lot of people coming in for mammograms and mentioning that their doctor is a male with breast cancer. No doubt - the rate of mammograms in my practice has gone up considerably.
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