Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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JJ: I have a way with words too. People can suck it! It's non of their biz and part of the healing process is being able to get away and relax. Maybe you and sis can plan a getaway down the road too. I'm glad you went and after initial great results. This is your time. All yours to spend moments of your life exactly the way you want and need to. "I never used to be this way" ~ I feel you on this one. You are you still, I promise. A tired version of you trying to stick up for yourself while your mind and body heal. Geeeeeeeesh. People really grind my nerves. That being said.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Namaste ~ try to enjoy the moments and the warm breeze. We are thinking about you.
Howdy all you lovely ladies...Love, Purl
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Oh Purl...I wish there was a "like" button for your note. Thank you!!!
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JJ, I'm so glad to hear your results were benign. You just enjoy being away and don't worry about work or anything. Your mil is a real peach. That comment she made about getting yourself back to work was so uncalled for. My bil said something similar to me when I was still in active treatment. I had commented that I was out of sick leave. He told me, literally, to get my ass back to work. This was even though except for the 3 weeks I took off for the mastectomy, I'd worked intermittently during chemo when I felt up to it. I don't know what the hell he was thinking, but I was seriously pissed. Anyway, people who make comments like that can just stuff it. I hope you're relaxing in the shade thinking of nothing but the feel of the breeze right now.
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JJ- oh my gosh your post resonated even though we are not dealing with the same things.... I was never the "dwell on my problems" person but lately it has been one thing after another going on and Janet-- while some may not get what you said about the hubs... when you are feeling like you are wading through deep doodoo and anyone tips the apple cart in yet ANOTHER direction, it is amazing how your scrappy fight impulse is saying "ditch the dead wood" in your life. Whether that be toxic friends, etc and most importantly what I am slowly learning is how I need to change how much I let stuff affect me and my feeling of well being... JJ I am praying the remaining results go well. If you are away with hubby I am hoping there can be a reconnecting and start on the rest of your new relationship, regardless of the direction that is to be....
Let's face it we will never be able to "bubble wrap" our entire psyche and be impervious to people who have no idea but we can "protect our belly meat" (forget where I heard that but it makes sense) by refusing to let the draining ones (I call them zombies) have at us.
I was two years from diagnosis exactly yesterday, Wintersocks. Hope the ironing was therapeutic! For me cleaning for some reason does the trick. I have been purging the pantry, closet, basement, etc. When my house is clean and free of unnecessary crap just let me know and I will be over if anyone needs help lol
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Its 4 years for me too, and I am on the round of annual MRI again, never in my worst nightmares did I think I would still be mutilated after so long. After the dread of knowing I will be stabbed so many times in hope they manage to not blow a vein to out the dye in with, I find the undressing part of it th,e worst as I HATE people seeing I am no longer normal and look so freakish and lop sided in any hospital gown........and the MRI´s require you to lie on our stomach and be slotted into the cups there for normal bodies....... it is a massive ordeal for me........every year, more so than waiting for the results.
Loved your post ^Purl, delighted at your news JJ, just forget everyone and enjoy your time away.....
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JJ, I am so happy to read the word benign! I hope the warm sun does heal your mind and heart. You deserve a break. I don't think 7 weeks is too much to ask prior to your surgery.
A note on thin skin. The exhaustion & 60 hour work weeks have taken their toll. I had a staff meeting (I only see my co-workers 1 or 2 x per year) & they dropped a whole bunch of new expectations on us. I tried to speak up because I was starting to have a panic attack knowing I cannot physically do more. The executive director yelled at me in front of everyone. Belittled and humiliated me...as if I think I am the only one working hard. I jumped up from the table and kind of yelled that I cannot and will not do more. If I have to quit then I will have to quit...and stormed out crying. I came back in, could not stop crying, but I had to make my "plan" to get the new duties done before I could leave for the night, and it was already 7:30 pm. How embarrassing. I have never done anything like that, but I have been on a downward spiral emotionally because I do nothing but work. My husband drove to meet me that night, as we were stating over for the second day of the meeting. He helped calm me. I dread going back to work tomorrow.
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What an awful executive director! God, that's horrible....I'm so sorry that happened to you!
I would have done the same thing! Good for you, for standing up for yourself. Don't worry about the tears. You're not the one who should be embarrassed!! The executive director should be!0 -
SmartassSmurf- Hugs to you. That just sucks.That work/life balance thing is a bugger of all hell. I use to put value on my job...it defined me but now the value is on the pay cheque. I'm too young to retire and too old to start again (mentally with all the crap) I hope you find that balance. I'm still stressing about work calling me while I'm away. I am a horrible liar...I wilt.
The stress of the last month has dropped my weight down to below 130 lbs...which is probably too low for me.(I remember thinking only 2 years ago...if I just lost 30 lbs..then I would be happy...what a joke or an innocence I had to believe that...I've lost 35 lbs and know that looks are secondary). I'm not relaxing down here...DH and I had a blow out last night because he's frustrated...back on track a bit this morning.
Lily- MRI's are the worst. They are scary and loud. It also reminds me of rads. It's kind of weird being in a room by yourself.
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Smartass - so sorry, just appalling behaviour - can´t human resources help?
JJO - its no fun this is it.......
MRI over - so uncomfortable, lying on the front arms outstretched.......took over an hour......usual problems getting contrast in but staff were as lovely as could be, thankfully it was at a centre that is more Cosmopolitan, but downside was that it was same place where I first received results saying BIRADS5 that started this nightmare so took some work to stay calm, in the end I just spaced out totally and dissociated......wait for the results now though.
Collected my results from colon issues today......blood in one sample so now been referred to specialist.......have pain in couple of places.....so still on the roller coaster.............not a good day......
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Smart, I am so sorry about your work situation. That executive manager is a first class jerk. I don't understand why some employers expect employees to work themselves to death.
JJ, sorry the trip hasn't been relaxing. I hope the rest of it goes better.
Lily, I'm glad the MRI is over. Waiting for results sucks. I hope the GI issue ends up being something that is easily fixed.
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Smart, I had a meltdown once at a previous job well before cancer. I look back now and realize it was healthy and caused me to look at what I do and why. As my therapist at the time (I was assigned to EAP from work) told me "you will meet a lot of Nancys (my toxic boss) in your life and will never change them, but you must change how you let them have power over you". That job sounds like one of those that when you ever leave they will replace you with two people. That director is probably getting pressure from above her but she too needs to stand up for her employees if that is the case. Praying it gets better
JJ sending you hugs.
Lily hoping for good MRI results.
Hi everyone else, hope your day goes well.
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Okay...I've got a question.....
When I was diagnosed, I wasn't working. I had just finished up my classes for medical billing and coding. (I had done it several years ago, but wanted to get back into it and be certified so I could make more money.) Prior to going to going back to school, I was a Stay-At-Home mom.
Now that my treatment is done, I want to go back to work. But...I don't know what to say or not say about my breast cancer. Do I tell possible employees or not? Do I wait until after I'm hired or do I just keep it all private and to myself?
I'm curious to see what you guys think.0 -
Thanks BosumBlues! That's what I was thinking too.
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I agree...keep it to yourself. People judge, people can be prejudiced and everyone's perception is different. If you don't tell...it will never factor in your head.
I'm reading a lot about my upcoming hysterectomy. It's a bigger surgery than I originally thought. (Tummy cut). It would be so great to have 6 months "off" from everything...I'm wondering what life without ovaries is going to do to me?
Still haven't got my final biopsy results....and maybe that's okay and it canwait til I get home. I really hate uncommunicative my BS is!
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I told my employer about my cancer and they were very sympathetic. This was in response to a question they asked 'tell me about a time'... But I do work in the charity sector, so one would hope they would be. they are still very very supportive. They have told me when I come to the 2nd stage recon, they will do all they can to make sure I am ok. it was the right choice for me to tell. It depends on what the job is....
Guys, it's my birthday today and I have had a few tears. This time 4 years ago I had had the biopsy done and was waiting for the results.... I don't even recall my birthday one bit....
It some how has spoilt my birthday to have cancer at this time ..... I got my results on the 27th.
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I don´t believe how many similarities they are between you and me Winter.....this whole thing really sucks........I also was told very very likely it was cáncer one day after my birthday......I was thinking today that if the other shoe drops it would also be some kind of a relief as I could see an end in sight of this relentless effort to be ok in the world, yet trying to do so in the shadow of a giant monster lurking...................and in my case feeling abnormal too
What happens in stage two recon?
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Happy Birthday Winter!
I hope that today is a happier day for you than past birthdays!
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etnasgirl, I would not tell prospective employers about your cancer history. Depending on the job, you may need to have a pre-employment physical and you would give your history to the doctor there, but if the cancer history does not impact your ability to do the job then they don't need to know at interview. You can choose to share later after you are hired if you want, but you could possibly run the risk that an employer might not hire you due to concern about your insurance risks and potential for absences.
Good luck!
Martha
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Winter - Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are a time for a reflection so I'm sure it must be tough. Tears are okay though. And I hope that every year gets easier, and that there are a lot more years to come
Etnasgrl - When I went back to work I chose not to say anything about my cancer. It was weird, because at that point cancer was a big presence in my life and I felt like it defined me, and by not saying anything I felt like I was keeping a secret. But I kept it private and I'm glad that I did. Eventually it became a smaller presence. And eventually I felt like cancer was in the rearview mirror and I'd reached a 'new normal' that didn't involve hospitals, and rebuilding, and being constant fatigue. So I agree with Bosum - if it has no relevance to your job - there's no reason to bring it up.
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Thanks ladies!! I'm going to follow your advice and keep the info to myself.
I have an interview tomorrow....which me luck!
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Belated happy birthday, Winter! I hope all of them from now on out have only happy memories.
Etnasgirl, I agree about not telling a future employer about your cancer. You may choose to tell later at some point depending on the situation, but I wouldn't say a word at the beginning. It's nobody's business. I told my employer when I was diagnosed because I was going to be out for treatment. I didn't have to tell them why, but I had a great, supportive manager so I chose to tell him.
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Just got back from my husband's cardiologist appointment. His tests indicate that he might have a coronary artery blockage so now he has to get an angiogram. If there's a blockage, they'll put in a stent. He scares me.
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Oh boy 2Tabbies, that IS scary!
Prayers being said that his angiogram goes well and if they do need to put in a stent, it goes smoothly!
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Thanks, etnasgirl. I'm much more stressed when it's him with health problems than when it's me. I'm a coward at the thought of living without him.
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2Tabbies I am sorry about your husband's stuff I will be praying all is well and that the stents will go if they are needed. Hugs.
Etnasgirl- especially a new workplace I don't think it is their business; I am sure there are times it might be important but I found even applying for a job once right after my diagnosis I always wondered if there was a little bit of bias.... like "well she might get sick again" or something. It really isn't their business- if you are able to perform the job now then you are being ethical, for who knows ever what is ahead whether you have had bc or not...
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Thanks, enjoyevery. I hope it goes well too, and I hope this is a wake up call for him.
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Sending you hugs 2Tabbies!
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2Tabbies, My husband just had a complete blockage in one of his arteries and the did a double stent to get it open. He is doing fine. He doesn't like the meds they have him on but he is much better. It took them 3 hours. The told me it would be about 1 and 1/2 hours but they worked wonders. It will be good.
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Thanks, JJ and Brutersmom. His symptoms are really mild so I don't expect he'll feel much different afterward. I'm not too worried about the procedure itself although it's certainly a bit scary. I'm more worried he won't make the needed lifestyle changes to keep things keep his arteries from just clogging back up. Modifying your diet is harder than just taking a pill. I watched my father basically eat himself to death. It's frustrating to watch the same thing happening again.
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JJ any news yet?
Thinking of you.
Julie
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