Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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Thanks for the info on how to do the deep breathing. I'm going to give that a try. Since I went off lexapro the only difference I've found is that I'm a bit more anxious, irritable and angry. I really don't want to go on more meds. I've been trying to commit to meditating every day, but the deep breaths throughout the day sound like they'd be a big help. I like your doc's notion to do them BEFORE the anxiety hits.
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Yeah, the breathing has really worked for me. It has been a dramatic difference.
The job is very hard but I am trying to succeed at it. I went ahead and ordered better shoes. If my feet don't hurt so badly, I think I could do the job a lot better. I have trouble concentrating at the register, and everyone is in such a hurry. Of course, it IS a convenience store. It is also a very busy convenience store. I don't stop for the entire 8 hours I am there. I really would like to be able to do it. It is not a glamorous job. The last day I worked I cleaned the bathroom. Still, it makes me deal with people and forces me to concentrate (even if I do it poorly).
I have an appt with the endodontist Friday and another appt with the psychologist who suggested the breathing thing on Saturday. So I don't go back to work until Sunday. They had me working so many days in a row. I am glad for this break. I will cut grass tomorrow.
I'm going to get this tooth fixed: first the endodontist and then back to my regular dentist (who specializes in crowns) for hopefully a crown. After that I want my records so that I can go to a dentist who does not specialize in crowns so that hopefully they can just give me fillings. Crowns are too expensive. This tooth is an incisor, though, so I would like it to look normal if possible.
That's about it for me.
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Sorry for missing your question rabbit. The onc told me to stay off of arrimidex for a month. It takes that long to see the difference. Then we'll know what symptoms it's causing. I asked about heart disease, etc. and he said "The threat of a recurrence is by far the greatest risk to your life."
I haven't been feeling well. I don't know why. My heart palpitations are extreme. I get light headed and weak and have to go to sleep. I almost feel as though I'm vibrating inside. No fun!
The thought of more tests just does me in. I'm hoping I'll get better on my own...denial? Of course the big fear is a return of the big C. How would I know how that feels? I'm not losing weight which for once might be a good sign! I think I may have my meds mixed up. I'm taking so many and I forget to take them sometimes...that could be it. I hope that's it!
But bottom line the onco said I'm fine!
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Are you on thyroid med timbuktu?
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No Lily. I just had my my blood chemistries done and they say the thyroid is ok. Does this sound like thyroid? By last night I did start to feel normal again. Thank God!
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If you are on thyroid meds you can get palpitations.......thas all, could be femara or other AIs too, its horrible when it happens
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I was on Arrimidex until 10days ago.
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Just an update on my medical issues. I had such a bad rash on arms and chest due to my dermatomyositis. I asked my doctor if Arimidex could cause the rash to get so bad and he said no. He has put me on Methotrexate and I am trying hard not to read all the bad side effects. Hope this will help my rash!!
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Good luck claudia. You don't need this on top of everything else but it seems this is how it works. One thing after another!
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Timbuktu why did you stop ARimidex? Did I miss a post about this?
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My pain was too difficult to bear. I just came back from shopping. I did more in one day than I have done in a long time and I felt good until the end. Now I am in agony. We'll see how I feel in a few weeks. I just got my prescriptions re filled and I sat down for the first time and underlined all of the side effects I get and I will show them to my drs.
I do have arthritis but not like this! I have developed diabetes too so it's hard to separate out all of the symptoms.
It's an awful decision to make. Live in pain and weak and depressed vs. risking recurrence. Of course recurrence can happen anyway. But excercize is supposed to really cut the chances and I can't move on the pill! Excercize is so important in so many ways and the pill seems to cripple me. Sigh... It's very hard to lose weight on the pill. Do you find that? I seem to have better self control off of it, i don't understand why.
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My private oncologist said it is actually GOOD to take a holiday of two to three months from AI´s and can make them more effective.....it also gives you a break.......I was like you but on Letrozole so stopped that and am now trying Exemestane as he said this works in different way and some people can tolerate it better, hope i am one of them......but dont start too soon, wait a good few weeks......that too is important he says so simply enjoy your break knowing its not doing you any harm.......
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That is fantastic news and will help me to relax and enjoy my "vacation"! Every little bit better I feel makes me worry, thinking that's estrogen that's making me feel so good! I've been on all three AI's. the first go round with arrimidex, I could barely use my hands. Trigger fingers, etc. It was really hard to use the computer. Sometimes my hands felt like claws. Even turning a page while reading was rough. This time around my hands are fine! It's my legs that are killing me, mostly one leg. Isn't that odd? And the back. And terrible palpitations and weakness.
I'm the type of person that likes to know "why" and this craziness makes me so nervous!
At first I did find Aromasin much easier to tolerate. My hands went back to normal but my legs got very painful.
And I kept gaining weight. Steroids, right?
Anyway, you made my day by telling me that the vacation is an ok thing.
Now I will savor it! Thanks!
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Oh no, i dont want to gain weight........but i think that can happen with any AI due to creating fat to store oestrogen, i feel addicted to it to feel good...!
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Hi all,
I'm not sure whether or not I'm allowed to join this topic since I'm still in treatment (herceptin every 3 weeks until January).... i.e. so not really "moving beyond cancer" just yet....
But when I saw this topic all I could think was sign me up....
I've always been a very emotional person from a long line of emotional women and I've been on zoloft for years because of panic attacks..... so you'd think the uncertainy of waiting to be diagnosed, actually being diagnosed, and all of the terrifying treatments (surgery, bad chemo, and rads) would put me in a padded room but instead I was a calm focused robot.... I only cried a few times, had no panic attacks, and never even thought about the longterm..... which of course I'm incrediably thankful for.....
But then now (almost 4 months pfc and 2 months last rads) I'm starting to get emotional again (even had a minor panic attack about something totally unrelated)...... excuse my french but WTF.. and now I'm also worrying and second guessing about if I did enough (I skipped the first round of 3 TCH doses)..... and what happens in the future..
So I'm basically really messed up
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Hi Jayjayc...of course you are allowed to join this topic! Welcome to a group of women who have been saying WTF for awhile now. In fact, I've just completed my second year of saying it. If there is a timeline for what we have all been through, you seem to be right on track. I would encourage you to read some of our earliest posts. They will probably be very helpful. We are here for you and it gets better. Check in with us often. We've been there...
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jayja7, you remind me so much of my mother. She was an emotional person too (so am I) but she would be easily overwhelmed by the day to day. But give her a real fright and she was STRONG! She was so amazing. I remember a neighbor calling her into her apt for a sick child and my mother wound up doing CPR! A husband was beating up his wife once and she was the only one who had the courage to get between them and break it up. Then, after there was peace, she'd fall apart. i think it's a coping mechanism and I wish I had more of it. I fall apart immediately!
But this disease...it's not something that you get and get over. I think there are stages we go through and changes we go through. For myself I know I can't get back to "normal". We have to create a new "normal". And it takes time.
And what to do with all of the physical changes?
I just signed myself up at a gym. By the time I finished filling out all of the forms I was so exhausted I could barely stand I thought "am i crazy?" But I have to fight my way back somehow. Right now I'm going to lie down with a good book!
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Friends,
I am back in the waiting room marked 'scans' and 'results'. the cyst on my ovary is looking a bit weird and is growing so gynae wants it out.
Had CA 125
Awaiting MRI scan, to see what's going on. then oophrectomy, and prolapse repairs.
Had a row with my partner, told him it's over for us.
my son (15) is playing up.
I just feel so flat. The tears are constantly welling up.
Can't believe the last few years has been so hard.
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(((winter)))) What a lousy time! It has to go up from here!
Try to concentrate on the moment and distract yourself. In my worst times I would have to take a deep breath and be grateful that I could. That at that moment I was not in pain. I fought to live in just that moment and not waste energy anticipating the worst. I thing anticipation is so hard!
Let us know when the tests turn out ok! You WILL be OK Winter!
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Timbuktu...2 beautiful posts. You are strong like your mom. You WILL fight your way back and be stronger than you were before. And you are a wonderful support to all of us. Hope you have a great book going.
Wintersocks...I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this right now. We are with you all the way. I just wish I could hop across the pond to be with you while you wait things out. Timbuktu gives you good advice to keep busy and try to keep your mind off things until you get your results. Your warrior will be back when you need her. Until then, try to stay busy and positive. When do you expect your results? Thoughts and prayers coming your way.
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yes, hugs and support to you, wintersocks.
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Wintersocks, hang in there. I know where you are coming from. A few months back I got what I thought was a period, but I was already over a year into post menopause. The gyn got all weird on me and told me to come in right away. They did the vaginal ultrasound and told me my lining was too thick and that they wanted to do a biopsy. Next thing I knew they were drawing blood for the CA125 and freaking me out. I asked them to check my hormones just in case my estrogen was kicking back in since that seemed logical. They said it wasn't, but I made them run the test anyway. Heck, they were taking blood for the other thing.
Anyway, in the end all was well, but it was just ONE MORE THING to add to the "can't my body just leave me the heck alone for a bit?" I'm sorry it's been rough. I have a 15 year old son too. They can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. Were here for you.
jayjayc, I think lots of us go though PTSD and there aren't many doctors that seem to know how to deal with this. Heck it's even worse for those of us who already walk a fine line emotionally. You've come to the right thread since many of us were in the same place as you may be. Heck, I was hiding in my closet at home so that my kids wouldn't see how emotionally messed up I was. Like Rabbits said, if you look back on these posts, you will see where we were and now it's been a couple of years for many of us and we've pulled though. You will too. Good luck!
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ptsd! That's what it is.
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Wintersocks, I will phone you, but there IS a positive, they will remove your ovary/ies so protect you more for the future. Also repair the prolapse......so you will feel better afrterwards and ovarian cysts often grow at your age.......without being cancer. CA125 is not that reliable as, get this, it is affected by other hormones and even where you are in a hormone cycle, time of day its drawn, what you ate night before.....!!!
I am not saying this to make you feel better just giving you some facts.....as PTSD can freeze frame us.....on the subject of that I have been having online (Skype) therapy with a PTSD specialist for months and I feel better! Not great but better than I was......by far.
What interests me is that I have discovered that all my emotions are NORMAL, its my own judgment of them and self criticism that is not!! When you stop to think about it, why wouldn´t we feel all these emotions? Why wouldn´t we feel traumatised at subjecting ourselves to so many dehumanising treatments often administered (in my case anyway) by staff who also de-humanized me and showed no humanity towards me).
People who are mourning the death of a person feel them all and we need to mourn our old selves.......who will never come back (boy did I fight that fact and still do some days!). The big difficulty for us is that all our natural feelings are pretty deep, powerful and raw and no one who has not been here will really "GET" it..... so we feel lonely, that is where this thread is so great! I am allergic to "positivity police", to many groups who focus on the positive especially as there is evidence from a study done over 15 years that those who processed all their feelings instead of focusing on being positive had much longer lifespans and quality of life!!!!
WS - you have my number, if you want to talk text me and I will call you, I can make a few free calls to the UK from here every month
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JJ, you are sooooooo in the right place. I think I am probably the most unstable one here. I have had some terrible bouts with depression and anxiety and worst of all: anger. I have lashed out and alienated people all over. One thing I did wrong was refusing to go get help. Due to financial constraints I kept trying to get through it on my own. That did not work. So, I suggest, if you should feel you need it, find a therapist or an acupuncturist or a clergy person. It really is PTSD. It is very very real, but it can be easier if you ask for and receive help. OK?
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Wintersocks, I am holding you in my heart!
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I agree with Dunes - I too have alienated friends as I was angry they did not understand what is really not understandable unless you have been there........AND I have to say that the b----y hormone treatments change us too as it ahs now been proven that oestrogen helps women manage stress and we are deprived of that resource......I know I feel good when not taking them and been on a different one for just a week now and already have tight chest, breathlessness etc.....
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One thing that has helped...chemo brain! I have SUCH a hard time remembering things! Forgetting helps forgiving!
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(((((hug)))) - I check in from work but don't always have time to respond. I read and send heartfelt wishes and prayers. I think the world of you ladies....
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Timbuktu, I laughed out loud at your chemo brain comment. Maybe I should get chemo? LOL
Lily, I think the estrogen thing has a lot to do with it too. When I try to explain that to people I feel like I am making excuses, but yet people will accept that PMS is real. The problem here is that my PMS is permanent. Oh well. It's my problem. I will just try very very hard not to lash out at others any more. I'm hoping the psychologist will help me with that.
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