Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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That's that terrible SSRI withdrawal cfdr. It took me 4-6 months of tapering and then several months of horrible anxiety, so I feel your pain. Good luck to you!
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why do you have to go off Lexapro if it is helping and the side effects aren't an issue? My friend took it after her first terrible year of Arimedex, and took it for the following 4 yrs. She did go off it after she stopped the AI. But I am curious- can you just stay on it a long time if it is helpful? My SIL has been on Paxil for 13 yrs.
Just wondering... I sure wouldn't give it up unless I had to. I do know people who have tapered off and had very few withdrawal problems. (Now me, I will probably be horrible when and if I do since I seem to have the bad luck.) I love feeling so much better.
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Lexapro may have helped with anxiety through chemo, but it has definitely NOT been helpful long term. My mood, energy, and ability to focus began to improve as soon as I began to taper off. My sex drive is beginning to come back now, too. I don't think lexapro has been helping, and the side effects have definitely been an issue.
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Hello everyone...just wanted to say "hi" and let you all know that you are never far from my thoughts. How is everyone doing? Things have been quiet on this thread for quite awhile which is a good thing, I hope.
I am having a rough go of it these days because I am coming up on the anniversary of my diagnosis. Once again, I find myself re-living each day from 2 years ago (mammogram day, biopsy day, results day and the day I told my family)...ugh! I can't wait for the year when I am past it and stop doing that. Maybe then I will feel like I have completely moved on with my life.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Rabbit43
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July 5 was two years for me. the first anniversary was horrid. I thought I felt a huge lump and asked for my mammogram to be done early. Turned out normal. The "lump" was my breast tissue! But I was a total wreck.
This year was fine. I made plans to go to lunch with a friend and we toasted to our health and then went to see "much ado about nothing" which felt very appropriate. It was a great day. I think distraction is important.
I can't say that I'm feeling great. Just off my feet exhausted and I do nothing. I see the onco soon. i'll see what he says. Not that hopeful though...
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Rabbit and Timbuktu: congratulations on your 2 year survivor anniversaries. I am of the opinion that you, Rabbit, should follow Timbuktu's lead, and celebrate. But I offer a hug for any tough emotions you are dealing with right now.
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Timbuktu...I like how you celebrated this year. Good for you. I will try to do the same. Sorry you are feeling exhausted right now. Let us know what the onco says.
Dunes...thanks for the kind thoughts. I will take that hug. And by the way...I love, love, love the picture...just beautiful! How are you?0 -
The great part of my "celebration" was that it was not planned, I was just having fun and then realized what day it was. But really, when you think about the "anniversary" it should be celebrated and not feared. That's the turn of mind that I am doing. And somehow, being 2 years out, I do feel hopeful. That's two whole years that I wasn't sure I would have. I just wish I felt better and knew why I feel so tired. The surgery was nothing. Truly nothing. But the chemo and Arrimidex...along with the weight gain....and problems with family....these have had a residual effect. But we're still here and must try never to take that for granted!
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I will celebrate when I can go for an entire month without being sidelined by fatigue.
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Good morning girls -
I still have this thread bookmarked as a favorite. And I'm always happy/scared when I seen someone posting again.
Rabbit, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. Sometimes there's no way of getting around these distressing anniversaries, and I find that resisting your bodies natural inclination is exhausting. So instead, it's easier to add something to the mix. I say this, because I went through some 'anti-anxiety' counseling many years ago, and two sayings stood out. Firstly, 'What you resist, persists'. Secondly, 'Feel the fear and add some courage'. Courage, my friend, is something you have in spades. Even if you're not always aware. So my advice - (even though you didn't ask for it) - is to allow yourself to grieve, and let yourself shudder over all the landmarks. Let it hurt. On the actual day of diagnosis/biopsy/telling your family, you were likely concerned about others and went on autopilot as far as your own feelings were concerned. Maybe you need the anniversaries to really acknowledge what happened and to 'honour' the trauma. Don't push it away.
But as Dunes said, celebrate. Take the time to grieve, even if that means going back into a closet where you once went to cry, and allow those feelings to surface. Let yourself live in discomfort. Then add your courage. And recognize why your deserve to celebrate. (I can give you ten off the top of my head).
And when your're feeling more positive- add this too your list. April 27 - you started a thread out of which grew an invaluable platform for venting, discussing, and healing. You were able to articulate a lot of feelings that many of us could probably not describe, but could certainly relate to. Your clarity helped to demystify m own insanity. And I, for one, needed this outlet, and consider these discussions to be a major part of my healing. I learned from you, and every single of of these ladies who shared their experiences.
Timbuktu - Sounds like you had a really great day. 'Much Ado about Nothing' - that sure is appropriate. I hope your Doc can find a solution to your exhaustion - it's really tough to feel that way
Dunesleeper - Great photo. Last time you posted a photo you were walking along a path with a few other people. This new picture is fabulous. I hope you feel as good as you look.
Janet
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Hi Everyone! Glad to hear were all still here ;-). My two year was also last month and although I feel like I went through hell and back... I'm still standing as Elton John would say. It's amazing how bad things can be and then you realize that what goes down will certainly go back up again. Last summer was probably the hardest for me since that is when the SE after effects were worst. It was difficult to accept what we all had gone through and my body felt like it aged 10 years. There was weight gain, abrupt menopause, breast differences and not to mention, but I will... no hair. It took awhile to deal with these changes, but of course what choice did we have?
Rabbit, the good thing is that there must be hundreds of ladies that may not have posted in this thread, but certainly read it. If they follow us from beginning until now, they will see that there is a light at the end (and not THAT light either :-))
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Hello, I simply adore you all. I know that we are bound by thoughts and warmest wishes even when this thread is not active. Rabbit, Timbuktu, Dunesleeper, Janet_M, cfdr, rockym and all those on the sidelines and tuning in after this post ~~ Huge hugs to each and everyone one of you. I read your words and smile cuz you are so truthful and brave. And you, Rabbit, no truer words than those towards you...."Know how many "have been" and "will be" supported and given hope because you started this well over a year ago."
"Unhappiness can't stick in a person's soul when it's slick with tears.” 0 -
It's so nice you all chimed in here.
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OMG...you are all the absoute best! Thanks to each of you for putting a smile on my face. I feel like I have re-connected with good friends. Many thanks for the kind words. Glad to hear everyone is faring well.
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I hope you each have a nice day today, free of anxiety and depression and filled with love. I am sending love out to you all.
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Thanks, Dunes...sending that love right back at you!
Btw...I just returned from watching my 12 year get 10 inches of her hair cut off to donate it to locks of love. Of course, I sat there and cried thinking about how her selfless act will make some woman very happy one of these days!
Have a great weekend all!0 -
rabbit, to paraphrase my daughter when she was about 7 and I told her her friend had just had her hair cut off to help someone who had none "Wow! She's a really good person!" Rabbit, you did good to raise such a daughter! Parting with hair is not easy for a girl!
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Thanks, Timbuktu. I appreciate it. It was a very moving gesture. She is a good egg.
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That was an incredibly selfless act for a 12 year old, Rabbit. She is a good egg, indeed.
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Thanks, Dunes.
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I start work tomorrow morning. I have the alarm set for 4 am. I have to be there at 6 am. I'm definitely afraid, but I'm sure I'll be fine once I get the hang of getting up so early and dealing with the public. Fortunately, my time with the Red Cross helped prepare me (I think) for dealing with the public. Now I will have to learn how to use these new-fangled registers and coffee machines and I don't know what else.
I went to the psychologist today. He seems OK. He wants to see me next week. He said he could only see me every other week, but for some reason he could schedule me for next week. I'm not sure how to take that. Either it is because he has an upcoming vacation planned or it is because he figures I am in desperate need. I didn't cry, although I started to once, well twice. My anxiety was quite high though. I'm sure he could tell. He did teach me a deep breathing exercise which I am supposed to do at every hour and half hour. He says that waiting until the anxiety is driving me nuts is really too late for the deep breathing. So I will do the breathing exercise. I hope I can remember to do it at work tomorrow.
I'm really scared. It has been over 25 years since I started a new job.
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Your anxiety is natural but I have a hunch that once you are on the job you will forget all of your problems. Working keeps you in the moment and that's important, I think, for healing. I volunteered last year, wanting to give something back. I got so much more than I gave. For 3 hours, twice a week, I would totally forget anything was wrong. What a gift! Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!
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Dunesleeper ,
Happy first day at work! That's really great. Those new fangled machines won't seem so new or intimidating by the end of the day.
You're smarter than them - and braver too. I'm sure it will go well , but keep breathing!0 -
That is great advice about doing the deep breathing BEFORE becoming anxious. I'm going to have to try that myself.
Best of luck with the new job! Maybe getting out and learning new things will be energizing. I hope it turns out to be fun and not just stressful.
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How is the job going Dunes?
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Hello to everyone!
Popping in to say thanks for this thread! It got me through some bad times.
WSX
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I had a hard time with the register, and my feet hurt horribly by the end of the day. I'll toughen up though. The customers were generally nice. My co-workers will generally OK but not terribly helpful. They did not take their time to explain to me how to do things. I actually got another trainee (who had worked only one day prior to Sunday) to help me with a particularly confusing part of the cashiering process. She took her time so I could write it down. I studied it last night and today, and I think I understand and can do it now. Thanks for the good wishes. I go again in the morning and then again Wednesday morning.
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Hooray for you! One brave lady!
Most importantly, did you forget your health problems?
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Yippee, Dunes! Congrats on getting past the first, incredibly nerve-wracking, days of a new job. I'm so happy for you. You should be proud of yourself for facing your fear head-on, learning new stuff and dealing with the public! Like everyone else, I hope it gave you a chance to forget your health problems temporarily. I'm certain of one thing...you will face nothing more difficult in this job than what you have been through with bc. Well done!
Timbuktu...I'm thinking of you in a special way and hoping you are finding more energy. When do you see the onc?
WSX...good to hear from you. How have you been?
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thanks rabbit. i see the onc on friday, i have a list of questions, I wonder if he'll have answers.
feeling really down. how does anyone know how much is from meds and how much from life?
I can't separate the two, and then there's the physical... i wish i knew the answer.
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