Why was I stronger DURING treatment than I am now?
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WAY TO GO DUNES....!!!! XXX
Timbuktu - a UK Onc is saying it can be helpful against cancer to take a holiday of two to three months from hormone meds, that might give you some answers.....otherwise it is so hard ot wokr out what is caused by what!! I was ill for so many onths and in the end it was all down to femara......i feel A-ok now, sleeping well, feel pretty normal, I am taking nothing but I need to try something else soon.......drug holiday is nearly over....
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Oh, Timbuktu...I'm sad that you are struggling right now. You are a huge source of support on this board and I can tell from your posts that you are a very positive and kind person. Maybe you are just having a little low period. I think one of the hardest things about the aftermath is not being sure why certain things are happening. I'm often wondering if something would have happened anyway or if it just happened because of bc. There is the emotional aspect and the meds and side effects. It's a lot to bear. I think you also mentioned in one of your posts that you are having some family issues, too. Add that in, and it's no wonder you are exhausted and feeling down. I woud encourage you to speak honestly with your onc. on Friday. I have a bad habit of sugarcoating things with the doctor and making them not seem like a big deal because I happen to be o.k. at that moment, but that's not necessarily a good thing because it kind of neglects the down times. I am thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here for you, as you have been for us.
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Thanks Lily. Talk about the wisdom of crowds!
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What a nice message Rabbit. The kindness of strangers...that's God to me.
I do the same thing, not wanting to be labeled a whiner or complainer. Last week I went for a general check up and my doctor asked if the onco was easy to talk to and can i reach him easily if I need to? I told him I'd never tried to call him.
He laughed and said "yes, you're a good patient, you don't like to bother people". It's true but I don't think it's such a good thing. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. I'll do my best to speak up on Friday.
Hope today is a good day for all of us...you just made mine a little better rabbit, Lily.
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rabbit43
hi there, I am doing ok ....kind of. I am 1 year post dx (all depends where you take it from??) I still feel pretty numb about it all to be honest.
am hoping for a recon (diep) but the surgeon says I need to wait as I have other ongoing medical stuff (ovarian cyst, prolapse, bowel stuff too). I had bone scan as have hip pain, but it was clear. Just has my 3 month NED too.
I still can't believe I had/have cancer - still feels ureal, not sure how to get it more 'real' - don't know if that makes sense? Can't explain what I mean?? Lily 55 good to hear from you. Timbukto, sorry you are feeling down. it's so tough at times isn't it?
Rabbit43, how are things for you?
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Be the squeaky wheel Timbuktu. You deserve all the information you can get.
Thank you for all the support. Work was non-stop. I stood for over 8 hours, no break, no lunch, no potty breaks. By the end of the day my feet hurt something awful. If I can toughen up and stay there a while I will invest in better shoes. The place was awfully busy today. I sure hope tomorrow will be a little less intense. They really need to schedule a break for me. Toward the end I was so burned out I could not remember what I already knew. I even had some "duh" moments just thinking about scanning an item. Total brain farts. With a short break and a bite to eat that may not have happened. Who knows though? Breast cancer became a focus after I emptied trash. Some of the bags were quite heavy, so that caused my foob to hurt. Then I started cradling it in the crook of my arm. I do that unconsciously when it hurts. The boss asked if I was alright. I just whispered to her that I had had a mastectomy and that my boob hurt but that it would not stop me from performing my duties. I have to do it again tomorrow. I sure hope I get several days off after that. It has been a long, long time since I stood on my feet for 8 hours. It was probably before 1979. I hope I can hang in long enough to toughen up to it.
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I feel your pain, literally, Today was my volunteer tutoring day. I had a lot of pain in my hip and down my leg. I did take a break and walked around a bit. Then I stood and tutored standing up. But there was that moment where I forgot all of the stuff that's been driving me crazy. It was gone and I was in the moment, even with the physical pain and in a weird way it was worth it, I think. I limped home and took a nap. It's a scary feelng when your body won't let you do what you need to do. I hate it! I keep thinking it will get better but it's hard to imagine.
My heart goes out to you!
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I'm glad you had a moment or moments where you were in the moment and all the rest melted away. I'm very sorry you had such bad hip and leg pain. Let's keep hoping it will get better even if it is hard to imagine.
It's a new day. The toothache just about knocked me over a few minutes ago. Do you think I will be able to work through this? Usually I say physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain, but this is pretty intense. No worries. I have to do what I have to do . . . as we all do. I'll report on how that worked out tonight.
Boy! This getting up at 4 am is weird. When I was working, I usually was not asleep yet at this hour.
Uh oh. Here comes the pain again. Owie!
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I am in pain just thinking of standing for 8 hours. I don't know how you do it. I went to a concert and stood for probably 3-4 hours, and after the first hour all I could think about was the pain in my legs. My hat is off to you for being able to get through even one day of that.
No potty breaks???? Isn't that illegal???
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Where is the pain in your legs?
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It was all over, top to bottom, just from standing too long.
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Dunes, I believe that by law you have to be given breaks and a lunch/dinner break. Also, I think it would be beneficial for them to supply you with a way to sit and work the register when you need to. Boy, I want to make a phone call right now! Take care of you; we feel your pain. I stood for an hour and watered a lawn yesterday and really felt it when I woke up and tried to walk first thing in the a.m. - I could not stand all day, even "before" breast cancer.
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I just found this forum and have enjoyed reading posts. I thought it was just me. I made it through surgery and "internal" radiation fine. I think I feel worse now than I did then. I felt like I really didn't have a "right" to feel depressed or anxious since my cancer was small, caught early and I didn't have to go through chemo. I also have an auto immune skin condition which causes me so many problems that at times I don't know what is causing what. I need to go talk to a psychologist but have had so many doctor's appointments that I haven't made an appointment. I work approximately 5 hours a day. I am a bookkeeper and sit and that isn't good on your back and I have so many structural issues (feet, knees, etc). I know I sound sad. This site has helped me so much.
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Claudia - is there a support group near you? I, too, was sick of doctor appointments. I found an amazing support group. My new friends there have helped me more than I ever could have imagined.
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The hospital I had my surgery and radiation at may have one. I will check.
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Claudia, I second what BayouBabe suggested. I’ve never felt comfortable talking in groups, but I found my local breast cancer support group to be a lifesaver. I too, like you, had an easy course of treatment with minimal discomfort, and kept bringing this up, because I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling the way that I was, once treatment was over. I was told by the facilitator that cancer is cancer. Just because we didn’t suffer as much physically as others, doesn’t mean that we didn’t experience a huge emotional roller coaster. I highly recommend going to a support group or speaking to a therapist who sees cancer patients. I can’t begin to tell you how helpful this was for me!
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Claudia, I agree with what the others have said. Stuff can spiral out of control before you realize how bad you are getting. Let us know if your hospital has a support group. Mine does.
Thanks cfdr and Purl. You are right. Legally I am supposed to get a break. In reality, breaks may not be forthcoming. I think if they are fully staffed it does give us each a bit of time to sit and relax for a little while, maybe 10-15 minutes. That helps immensely. I did not get a break today but I did very well. I have gained some mastery and it feels good to feel competent. I still have much to learn, but I am learning. My feet have not hurt as badly the past 2 days. My toothache hurt like hell the past 2 days though. Maybe all my focus is on my tooth. LOL. I have hydrocodone now, and tomorrow I will call the endodontist to try to get an appointment ASAP.
We all do what we have to do. This store does not have a break area. The manager's office has one chair: hers. Sitting is just not something we can do there. I did make a pee pee there today, though, so I got to sit down.
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I think the hydrocodone is working. Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!!
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Dunes - Good for you for getting the hang of things and feeling competent this week! I'm proud of you.
Is the manager nice? I hope so - if she's not, I sure would like to come down there and smack her in the head for not enforcing a break. And I'm sure next week will be so much easier too - you won't be anxious about the machines and your body will be used to the 'crack of dawn' routine.
Take more bathroom breaks if you can - even if it's just so you can do a few stretches. 8 hours is a long time to be standing - for anyone.
Have a lovely restful weekend, Janet0 -
Here are the laws in Maryland regarding shift breaks.
Dunesleepr, I hope your manager has read them! In most places I've worked a labor laws poster had to be on display in the place of business. Some subset of that info may be on the poster.
Claudia, I also had a small tumor and a good prognosis (although I did have chemo). I recall saying to a friend how I didn't feel like I had any right to complain, because my cancer was so small and mild. She audibly gasped in shock when I said that. Her reaction put things in perspective for me: cancer is horrible and devastating and there's no such thing as a "little" cancer (OK, maybe that basal cell carcinoma I had removed...but no others!). Especially not breast cancer. ALL the treatments are devastating, not just chemo. I still have pain from surgery 2 years later; a friend of mine has had terrible side effects from radiation. And we all live with the threat of recurrence, which is its own source of anxiety.
I also have multiple health issues, and that just compounds things. And the doctor appointments...oy. There is hardly a week in the last couple of years that I haven't been to a doctor or nurse or physical therapist or some other medical professional. It sucks away time, energy, and money. And all that time, energy, and money that could be used for relaxation, socializing, intimacy, spiritual enrichment, making money, or just cleaning the kitchen are lost to spending time in doctors' offices, waiting rooms, or driving to and fro. It's a constant drain on our emotional resources. It would be a surprise if you were NOT anxious and depressed.
I feel better just writing that. If only I could take my own damn advice.
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cfdr, you made me laugh. Thanks!
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Laughter is good medicine, and free! Glad I could help.
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Just an update. My oncologist suggested seeing a psychiatrist and I took my list in and see gave me a few she would suggest. I finally got around to calling a few. One hospital in this area had most on the list. When I called I was told by the woman who answered the phone none of the doctors were taking new patients. I am really frustrated right now. She doesn't really want to prescribe meds for anxiety (many doctors do not want to do this now) and doctors who will are getting harder and harder to get into seeing. I am going to call my insurance company on Monday and maybe they can give me an answer. The one that my oncologist wanted me to see was a behavioral oncologist and when I tried to get an appointment I found out she was not on the list of doctors of my mental health group of doctors and to see her out of network would really be expensive.
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Their reluctance to prescribe anti-anxiety meds has reached the point of absurdity. UGH!!!!!!!!!!
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If it is going to get so hard to get anxiety meds (due to some who are over using or abusing) then what am I suppose to do? I am will to go to a psychiatrist but so far no luck in finding one taking new patients.
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Claudia, you could try asking your general practioner/family doctor.
My psychologist suggested I take deep breaths. This is how. Inhale, hold for 3 seconds, then exhale through your mouth like you are blowing on a spoonful of soup to cool it. It's a long exhale. Then take some normal breaths. Then repeat the deep breath. Do the deep breath 3 times, and do it on the half hour and the hour. So you will be doing it twice an hour. It makes a huge difference. He said that waiting for the anxiety to come and THEN doing the deep breathing has less effect. I only remember to do it a few times a day, but really, it does make a difference.
There are other relaxation exercises from which to choose. Find what is right for you.
I hope this helps.
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Hello everyone...just getting caught up with the posts I missed.
Dunes...how is work? how is the toothache? Thanks for the breathing techniques. I have been doing them today and they are very helpful. I am going to try and get into the habit of doing them more often.
Timbuktu...how did your onc appointment go? Did you get any answers? I hope so.
Wintersocks...I am hoping your ongoing medical stuff gets under control so you can have diep. It was good to hear from you.
ClaudiaMetz...welcome to this thread. I am glad you found us. This just about saved my sanity so I hope it helps you, too. Like you, my bc was caught early and I have a good prognosis. I had chemo but at times I have still felt like I don't have a right to be upset or anxious about having had cancer. BayouBabe is right...a support group can be very helpful. I used this thread as my support group and found it very helpful (in fact, I still do). Kayak2 and cfdr are right...cancer is cancer and there is no little cancer. We all had the same sinking feeling when we first heard those words, regardless of whether or not we had surgery, chemo and/or radiation. Although we are all in different situations, we understand what you are going through and we are here to help.
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ClaudiaMetz, dunes is right. Try your GP. My GP gave me a 30 day supply of 1mg Ativan when I was trying to figure out what I really needed. Psych Docs are okay, but not only is it hard to get in, it is hard to find one that really gets it. You don't want to be stuck with someone who is quick to give drugs without a proper assessment. Good luck.
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Just when I'm about to make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
Dx 6/13/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 2/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-0 -
I will try the deep breathing. I use to do yoga years ago (before my knees went bad) and it really helped. I am reading the book "To Heaven and Back" and it really puts things into perspective. I am a control person and it hard at times to let go and not think I have to solve my family's problems. The cancer showed me how things can so quickly. I go see my dermatologist and I hope he can help with my rash. As the old hymn says "one day at a time sweet Jesus...". Thank all of you ladies for your support.
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So Dunesleeper- how is the job going? How are YOU doing?
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