I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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I don't know, I seem to have a different reaction, perhaps it is because I keep my hair short and pixie, maybe it is because I live in a city and people are fashion focused here, maybe it is just because I notice, but people look at me. They see my flatness, they look me over. I don't think they understand what they are seeing, but they look at me, I see them wonder. I don't camoflauge much. I wear lots of printed and button down blouses, the colorful ones really say 'female', but I also wear t-shirts, tank tops, I dress like I always have. Lots of people don't want to see, and are quite polite, but folks do look. I am glad that my filters are fortified because I used to dislike seeing people look at me. Now, it is just part of life, thank goodness (for me).
Geez. I got all geared up for the TV taping yesterday, it wasn't difficult to do but it did take courage and focus. I am tired today.
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Pamelahope, I have a one piece that I cut out the shaped area lining so that it lays flat. Mine has horizontal stripes at chest level which gives the eye something else to focus on. I am actually looking forward to a vacation next year to have a place to swim and try it out.
Barbara
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Pam, lol, that is pretty much how I felt too, more annoyed by missing hair.
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Pam, I felt so much better once the drains were out. I was ok with my breasts being gone but the sight of the drains made me ill.
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Pamela, my old Speedos and/or Dolphins don't cover the scars under my armpits. In fact, they rub right on the incision site. (Practically everything does, right? My ARMS not the least!)
My solution might not work for you. In the old water polo days of my youth, we wore two suits to practice. Partially for lack of funds to replace the worn out suits, and partially to keep from...well, you know. If you've played water polo. Anyway, I wear one of my worn out, draggy, baggy suits under my newer Tyr suits. The old one is shabby enough I can stretch it out to cover the dog ears all the way. I would not wear two suits except for workouts.
Seems to me the two piece Speedo would be a great option. -HR
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PS. My BMX was 5 weeks ago tomorrow. I am AMAZED how quickly I'm getting my life back. When I had drains in, it was bad. Pure survival mode. IT GETS BETTER. SOON.
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Just keep stretching! I didn't and my shoulder froze, that stank! Stretch!!!
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HappyRaccoon . . I LOVE THE STORY at the pool . . . Heck, with my previous boobs, the same could be said - - "you have some, right." The surgeon removed a TOTAL of 1.6 pounds from my entire chest including skin and all . . NOT MUCH LOST THERE. I guess that is why my hubby says "not much change". . . . .
PamelaHope . . . I agree with the "worry/concern" about the tummy sticking out too far now . . I was always "straight up and down" without much waist definition - - now I'm concave, then a bit of a tummy bulge . . have gained weight during the chemotheraphy . . . and it's all RIGHT there . . . hope to start losing that after the next couple weeks of recovery from ROUND 4/last round of chemo.
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Happy,
Congratulations on your BMX being five weeks ago. It is nice to get past these rough hurdles. Pam0 -
I love that pool story! I thought about it all day. About how we so often get caught up in our own drama that in our heads we make more of the world all about us than really is.
If I'm swimming laps or something, I just wear a Speedo or a Tyr or whatever else I've been able to get cheapest, but I get so cold in the pool I also wear a neoprene vest and shorts. They cover anything and everything, but I really don't care. When I'm swimming laps, what I care about is whether the people nearest to me are wide or extra-splashy swimmers. Since my incisions are numb, I don't even know if anything's rubbing.
For more lazying around poolside with the kids, I have a two piece - board shorts and a stretchy top with a T-back. Or I wear my longsleeve sun-protective thing I got from swimoutlet.com, which was on sale in the kids' section. It's also tight and stretchy. Nobody has ever said a word.
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I had my drains removed today and had my first day out as flat. I have to admit it is really flat!!!! I was wearing this awful, button down shirt that was just to recover from surgery with. I then climbed into a navy blue, ribbed tank. It does not disguise but the style felt more like me. I went for a forty minute walk around the neighborhood. I was more self conscious having to wear a bandana.
Pam0 -
Congrats on the drain removal. HATED those things!!!
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Pamelahope, congrats on the drain removal. What a relief that was for me, too. I did have a problem with fluid retention on my left side, doctor had to drain with a syringe two or three times, but after that was over, much better.
I have to say, now a year and a half after my MX, I rarely even notice that I'm flat. Some clothes don't fit as well, others fit better. Don't notice if people look. Don't care neither. I'm comfortable. I love wearing tanks, no bras. I feel attractive.
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Alexandria, I wish there was a like button here. I love your attitude.
Pam0 -
Pamela, Congrats on getting the drains out. You really do have such a positive attitude and it will carry you far. As well as inspire all of us here.
I did something daring (for me) today...I saw these silk knit tops with rather wild prints. They are very form fitting, I am concave. They are silk....and feel heavenly soft. So I bought 3. The pattern will confuse eyes, or divert attention...and I get to feel the silk against me.
Life is strange, all i could think of was getting silicon forms, I got them, wore them once, had to take advil they hurt so much...and now flat feels good :-) I have lost 10 pounds (weight watchers) and I feel better than I have in a long time.
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Crystal, Good for you for buying the silky tops!!! Congratulations about the ten pounds!! Pam
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I had a mastectomy a year ago and will be removing my remaining breast (size D) early next year. Thanks to chemo I gained 25 pounds (and hello menapause) and already needed to lose about 20, so I am feeling a bit "apple shaped" to say the least. Am I correct in sensing that most on this thread enjoying your flatness with the tank tops/fitted tops are on the slimmer side? I am just concerned that I'll look 6 months pregnant without anything up yonder. I currently wear a silicon prothesis to help with the weight of my remaining breast. Of course I'm hoping I'll feel free and lighter and will be able to lose some weight next year, but I do hold weight in the middle. I sure wish my doctor would have listened to me when I asked to have both breasts removed last year. Thanks again for sharing everyone. Sincerely, wanna be a flattie not a fattie.
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I had the second mast a few months after tx too. My surgeon explained to me that he didn't want to have any complications delay my chemo. Two masts, double the chances for complications. I am glad to have done it that way. Living with one breast made my decision an easy one.
I was overweight at first as well. Being flat really is a good incentive to lose the extra pounds.
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Two weeks ago I had my first work trip since becoming breastless. The first two days at corporate office I wore foobs - just the fiber ones. Things didn't go well. Now that my chest is flat I discovered my belly was bigger than I knew (I am not a small girl, was well endowed and my boobs hid my belly from my view). So - the foobs didn't want to quite stay in place, not that noticeable but annoying to me. When I returned to the hotel Tuesday, the foobs came off never to be worn again. I know my flat chest was quite noticeable at dinner that night but my co-workers never commented.
Last week I traveled out west to a customer site. I chucked to myself each time I met a new person - it's obvious I don't have boobs but no one commented. I mean - I didn't know these people so what would one say to a flat chested person they've never met before.
In just two short weeks I became very comfortable appearing in public flat chested. I'm more about comfort than I am about uncomfortable foobs.
My short curly hair and few undergarments shortens the time it takes to get showered and dressed. It's all good - I love my flat chest.
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I just survived my first week of work (I teach Mon through Thurs.) as a flattie. My job is quite public, between standing in front of classrooms and interacting with dozens of colleagues, but I got through the week with a minimum of self-consciousness. Wore nice tees with vest or sweater on top. Looked flat, but weird shapes on chest were not visible. My low energy levels were a much bigger problem--still recovering from two surgeries in 9 days, the first to exchange tissue expanders for permanent implants and the second to remove both implants after one got infected. Saw my physical therapist yesterday,and she'd seen another woman a few hours prior who'd had a similar experience but chosen to keep the implant on the healthy side and try again on the side that got infected. Although I know the stats on second-chance implants are good, I could not be more done with foreign bodies in my chest. (I also had trouble with infections in my port.). PT, who is so much more informative than PS, explained that the bumps on chest at bottom of prior breast area are here to stay, as they are just a part of the anatomy one doesn't see when breasts are there. (Called something like mammary ridges; can't recall exactly). But she advised, so far as other lumps and bumps go, keeping the skin supple by massage and doing resistance exercises for my pecs as soon as I'm six weeks post surgery. So lucky to have a PT who specializes in mastectomy patients, but neither oncologist, breast surgeon, nor plastic surgeon referred me; I got to her only because I'd asked oncologist about getting compression sleeves for flying, and he told me this PT does the measurements. Truly mind boggling that sending post MX patients for PT evaluation is not routine. Still sad about chest--not where I'd thought I was headed--but heartened by this thread and hope of increased public visibility.
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Hang in there. It took me a couple months to get over being sad about my chest. I am now just so grateful that it's behind me, that I am healthy, not dealing with so many issues that other survivors are. My stomach isn't completely flat, but I'm fine with it. I would like to take off another ten pounds or so, but as long as I can zip my jeans, I'm good.
Last night I met with two friends I hadn't seen for four years. We're all writers and for four or five years, we met monthly to exchange readings. I wore a sleeves tank type shirt, a little loose, but if you looked, you could see I didn't have breasts. So an hour into our catching up with each other, I mentioned I'd had bc and a bmx. Both were shocked. They were sitting with me at one of those small Starbucks tables, and they hadn't a clue.
I absolutely agree that MX patients should automatically get PT.
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Just wanted to add my ditto to the vote for mandatory PT after MX.
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I am not very brave yet - even when I do go out without my prosthesis, I tend to cross my arms across my chest - not very good at hiding my uncomfortableness. But, it is TOTALLY logical for me to NOT BE NOTICED - I was a 36A to begin with - nothing there to see with boobies, now - it's just concave. I'll get there. I'll start making good fashion purchases. The fake boobs are not uncomfortable for me - I've purchased ONLY amoena camisoles and t-shirts - the sleeve for the prosthesis is very comfortable, and the elastic under the prosthesis is wide enough to NOT bind or hurt. They look pretty natural. My only concern is that I purchased small prosthesis (because I was small to begin with) and they seem to be deteriorating fairly quickly . . I will probably have to purchase something a bit better that won't wear out . . . I do not want to go BIGGER than my original size, that seems stupid to me - but I also don't want to appear to be a pre-pubescent child . . ha ha. Overall, who really cares? I am a 56-year-old, no one really cares, truly!
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Goosebumps here
for "hearing" so many voices on this thread. I feel like I'm in a roomful of the loveliest women I have ever met. Lovely inside and out. Pamela--I'm so GLAD those drains are OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! I can see you out there in your navy blue stripes. I'm so happy for you I can go ahead and forget about whatever it is that brings me to tears lately. (free-flowing healing water...no worries) You rock!!!
MT--I'm stretching my stuff, to be sure. Feels best on the floor, including child's pose. A bit like breaking up the cells that tried to heal too tight, every few hours. It burns, but it's working because I have better posture now than I ever did. And how I LOVE moving my body through space, more than I ever did. So grateful!! (psst...this thread has made a WORLD I can thrive in)
Outfield--those DARN extra splashy swimmers
! Isn't nice to streamline our concerns to fit our own true life? I was a lifeguard at NMSU for YEARS and watched laps day in day out. All kinds. Swim team, young people, old people. Formed myself some 20something opinions and theories and ideals. All gone. Now I can assume that every single body out there is on its own path. Thanks for reminding me.Alexandria--same. SUPER LIKE. Love the "don't care neither" zen you got. Every day that sadness makes itself known. Helps me rethink my lifelong conservative (repressive?) attitude toward breasts. Think maybe I'll write about all the good (boob) times I used to judge myself harshly for. Also, I'm going to mix some paints and collect brushes to put in my husband's nightstand. While I mix the paints I will practice your zen. My zen? Don't care neither. I'll let you guess what he will paint.
Crystal--10 pounds! That's like diamond hunting for me. I would SO LOVE to lose 10 pounds! Are you doing WW with a group of people or all on your own? Congratulations! Your new tops sound lovely. BTW a lady from whatyamacallit post mx products called to see if I have any post mx needs she can help me out with. I wish you could've heard the quality of silence when I offhandedly assured her I don't wear bras or prosthetics. !!!!!!!!!!!! PRICELESS
Purl--you are the apple of my EYE!!! I'm an apple too. AND my doctor says I am healthy. My lipids are good, my protien is good, my other CBCs are good. Healthy. It's weird to look down and see so much roundness, but oh well. At least you and I are not the only one! Someone did ask me on Monday if I was pregnant. HA! At least they think I look young enough for that.
Pip--Does this mean you have lost weight since your second mx? If so, how did you do it? I'm glad you are happy with your choices. My 10yr old son directed me to an article this morning in the AARP magazine. (He is a really interesting kid!!!
) It stated that 20% of lumpectomy survivors in the USA end up having a second surgery for their breast within 3 months to get more cancer out. Also, that this percentage varies HIGHLY from one surgeon to the next. Scary. Like you, I am very happy to be done with fantasies and treatments associated with breast conservation. Just this week two of my bc buddies have asked for extra prayers and support because they are facing mammograms. *SERIOUS SIGH* My heart goes out to them!!!Ohio and Merylin--I'm so psyched you gals are out their representin' in the corporate, public sector!!!!! That is MARVELOUS!!!!! I'm sorry to hear about the extra surgeries, though. Man. Thank you so much for letting me/us know about the real truth under your shirt. It's posts like yours that helped me understand some of the prospective outcomes. I'm so impressed that you are working as much as you are. I just am not able to teach at the moment. But you offer inspiration, for sure!! Hope springs eternal.
Momine--Before my BMX I was studying hard, everything I could find, about breast cancer. It was actually on bco that I found dialog about the importance of pt after this kind of surgery. I managed to somehow bring it up to my referring physician, but then in the black hole of stitches and drains I completely forgot to schedule anything. Thank GOODNESS she didn't forget, and I got in to see a LE specialist as soon as the drains were out. It made such a difference!! I'm with you.
Fern--I'm thinking about you in church. I'm thinking about it because I know that foobs or no foobs means one thing to one woman and a completely different thing to another woman. No judgements here. In fact, I hope you can feel my support even though I live so far away from you. As you make your way through this your way, know that I think you look so healthy, lovely, and adorable. Absolutely.
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HappyRacoon, You are right. My build is slim and my stomach is flat. So in a tank I am flatter than flat. I walk 3-5 miles a day. I am only wearing tanks now as I can't lift my arms above my head yet to put on t-shirts. I am wearing the tanks as I can step into them. I have two children, seven and four, both boys and neither one has noticed!!! It is obvious to me but no one has looked twice at me. I am self conscious about having no hair!!!!! I feel like a bc poster child walking around like this.
I love not wearing a bra. I am not sure what to sleep in. I used to wear a sports bra. I would be too hot with more, chemopause at more.
Pam0 -
I am wondering if anyone has small children and if they saw. I have two boys, a seven and four year old. Sometimes, they open doors, etc. So it is a matter of time... Pam
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Pamela, I too didn't quite know what to wear to sleep in. Finally I found these soft nightgown, from Kohls, vera wang was the name...and I just selected them for pure comfort. We have to choose our sleep clothing the same as day clothing, oh, and I always buy very large with night clothing, it just seems to make it more comfortable.
Now that it is getting colder I need long sleeves...and this is a problem, but I found all cotton ones and the xtra large size (2 sizes bigger) is working well enough.
Your kids will see you and yet they won't see you. Little kids see with love in their eyes. Mommy had a boo-boo and the doctors fixed her so she can be healthy and happy again and play with her children.
you poor dear, i do hope you are getting some help with your kids through all of this....you must be tired.
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Happy, yes I lost a lot of weight after tx. I follow Dr. David Sevan-Shreiber's diet guide and walk, walk, walk....
I was part of that 20%, which is why I don't put too much faith in scans. My breast was FULL of cancer that did not show up. Tumours as big as 1.4cm went undetected. Lumpectomy margins were dirty so that is why I opted for mast rather than resection.
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Pamelahope, I haven't had the experience of a 7 year old, but mine are 4 and 5 now, 2 and 3 when I was diagnosed. They have both seen me a gazillion times at this point.
I have tried to be as honest as possible with my kids, but in general let them lead the way with questions. Books were very helpful bringing up things like fears of me dying or catching cancer when I was diagnosed, but I have not seen, in all those books about moms with breast cancer, any mention of mastectomy, reconstruction or flatness. It's just not there. So that part we just told them very simply and then let them see it as it came up. We're a pretty open and nudie family. So I didn't hide my chest from my kids except at first, when things were very fresh and I was afraid they'd be scared to see the direct connection between the bloody drain fluid and my body. But they are so concrete. Their frame of reference is so much more our family than societal norms. They both know I had breast cancer, a doctor had to remove my breasts, and really, I am sure they see me not as a woman without breasts, but as mama.
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Thanks Outfield! My seven year old went up to me and asked if my drains were out. I said yes. Then he hugged me. He did notice yesterday. He looked but I had a shirt on. He did not say anything.
Pip, I was the 20 percent too. I had two clean mammograms at diagnosis!!!!! Pam0
