I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
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MT1,
You looked great in the video! You gave me so much courage. I am a former New Yorker, from Queens, NY, and now in FL. I miss it sometimes.
I totally get why it is important for flat to be visible. It does not look bad at all. You just made it easier for me to walk around tomorrow!
Pam0 -
Frapp, you posted a little while ago (this thread has been busy!) about wanting tips heading into surgery. You might find some helpful information in the "Preparing for Surgery" section of my non-profit website, BreastFree.org (http://breastfree.org).
Unlike SoCaLisa, I had a BMX, but like her I choose to wear breast forms except at home. Someone earlier today in this thread (or maybe one of the other threads on this forum) said that her twelve-year-old son was worried that she wouldn't feel soft if she hugged him. The nice thing about non-reconstruction is that if that's an issue, you CAN feel soft by choosing to wear lightweight silicone breast forms. I mostly wear foam forms in a Still You camisole myself, but if I'm in the mood to feel soft and huggable, I wear silicone instead. Yesterday, I was with my niece's two-year-old daughter and she got in a very affectionate mood and was hugging me and cuddling. I was wearing my foam forms, which look natural but don't feel soft like a natural breast (or a silicone breast form). She didn't seem to notice whatsoever and was wrapping herself around me with great delight. I'm pretty sure the same thing would have been true if I'd been wearing no forms at all.
Barbara
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And yes, yes, yes! Heck yes, This is a feminist issue!
I think hiding this disease in pink and in foobs, hiding what this disease REALLY does, is a feminist problem. Couching everything associated with it in pink hides what it really is. Think about prostate cancer. Not as lethal a cancer, but very common. What comes to mind? For me, it's inconinence and impotence. Not a ribbon. Not waking up good as new. It's loss.
I too do not want my loss hidden. It's not the main reason I go flat, but somewhere in there it's a part of it. And heaven knows, I would not want to "cannibalize" my own body (love that, Starak) to hide my loss. If I could offer up a little bit of buttock fat and get my sensate nipple back, well that would be another story, but I can't imagine further harming myself for appearances.
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GO OUTFIELD!!!! We really have to meet somewhere for tea. After a race?
A trusted friend has been bringing up the idea (repeatedly?!) that I might always get breasts next year. Why does that bug me so much? She thinks I need some. That's ok. She can think that! We are all different, and I love that about us. I'm just saying, please, please PLEASE bring more women in my life (geographical proximity would be nice) who don't use foobs. I like being foob free, but I don't like being the only one I see day in day out. Which is why actually SEEING MT was/is so wonderful. She's so feminine!!! So womanly!!!
MT, I was trying to post last night but the kids and the dinner and the.....everything. I LOVED seeing you on tv!! You were so lovely!! I have been playing and replaying your frame in my mind. You are SO brave and so beautiful with your body. It is a great relief to me.
I think I copied your haircut without realizing it
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MT1 - No matter what I do I cannot get the news video to play. WAHHHHHHHH
Barbara
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Mel, you look great!
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Melly, thank you so much for participating in the news video. You are amazing and you look amazing! And while I had hoped lymphedema could be mentioned, I could not have anticipated the description of the water class would include that it is also for those who experience swelling caused by LE after breast cancer treatment!! Don't know if that was you or the instructor who managed to get BC related lymphedema mentioned on television during October, but it pleases me to no end. I think you accomplished a three-fer with that video: highlighting the reality of life after breast cancer, appearing beautifully flat to normalize living without reconstruction, and the mentioning of BC related lymphedema (and one of the therapies to help treat it). I posted the video over in the LE forum, as we have had conversations about aqua lymphatic therapy (ALT) and and other forms of exercise for LE in water, such as Ai Chi. Thank you for having such moxie and for putting it to great use!!0
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Tina337: You were able to play the video? I first tried at home and then at work and couldn't get it to play either place. Barbara
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Starak, the video loads fine for me. Maybe your video player needs updated? I don't have a clue just making a guess.
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Mt, The link worked today, FABULOUS!!!! You look amazing and I am smiling to see someone flat as me :-)
You absolutely rock!!!
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MT...great job on the story...and you look awesome!!!
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Thanks everyone.
I am still getting used to this, so seeing myself on television is an interesting experience. I really am flat!
I am glad I did it.
We talked beforehand and Teri, the instructor, knew all the points that were important to us. Even still, Teri is an Ai Chi exercise specialist who knows about LE issues. I think she also teaches a few classes for folks who suffer arthritus, so special needs must be her exercise specialty. Anyway, there were reps from the hospital there too, so they made sure all salient points were covered. It was an advert for Beth Isreal and Continuum Health, basically. But even still, Teri knows her stuff and really does help us with LE issues (as far as water excerises are concerned). I really like and admire her, she gives private lessons too.
I emailed the reporter about my breast pocket project (today), and haven't heard back yet. Breast pockets are rolling in though, folks have cottoned on to the idea. I will look for a place to write an article as well.
I did have quite a panicked moment when I realized that I am shown in my bathing suit, on tv, at the JCC (well known) and they mentioned my full name and a prominent bodily descriptive (bilateral mastectomy). I considered not going for a few weeks, but I think I have talked myself down from that fear.
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Just watched the video, MT1 - you did great, and looked fabulous! I need to see if there's a place in my town that offers anything like this.
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I finally found the video link back a page - MT1, Especially because you are thin - you look completely normal and fit being flat in a bathing suit. Last winter I went to a swimming class for women with arthritis because that's all we have in my town, but it really did help with the range of motion and strength. I went to class with a uniboob because I didn't think it would bother the participants as they were all women and most ten years or so older than me. Surely some of them had friends or family with bc. Not one of them asked about my missing breast. Not sure if it was a good thing or bad that no one talked about it.
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Djustme, I can sort of get that, unless your town is tiny and you all knew each other already. Before my own cancer experience, I don't think I would ever have mentioned someone's uniboobness if I had just met her in an arthritis class. Even now, I probably wouldn't in that situation.
Erica and MT, I am so glad we have had your voices out there.
I had an interesting experience yesterday. Went for a massage, which I did every other week during treatment, and then kind of sporadically until I went back to work full time last year. It had been a fully year since my last one. My massage therapist commented on how - in contrast to all our previous sessions - my chest didn't seem like something that needed a lot of work. I had tight places in my back, but really nothing going on across what is now just the pecs. It's good to be healed (at least in one way).
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Djustme, I think most decent people would NOT say something. I am thinking if you meet a vet with a missing leg, you don't walk over and say "Hi there, what happened to your leg?"
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I know this isn't the exercise forum but this is my favorite thread, so I am going to talk here, I hope you don't mind.
I have been having alot of fun figuring out how to exercise, how to lift weights properly (I had 24 lymphnodes removed-so I am researching both good form and am working slowly to acclimate my body to these new demands).
Initially I found this study about weight lifting, LE and exercise for breast cancer survivors: http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=187112
Then I found an on-line personal trainer who agreed to research my needs and work with me to help me acheive my goals. Marianne Kane, is a nurse and personal trainer working out of Ireland: http://www.myomytv.com. She evaluates me through video and has just begun giving classes and direct consults through a live streaming video set up. I bet she would put a group class together for us!
I am working with Marianne in addition to keeping in touch with my LE PT. I do not have LE, but I remain vigilent to the signs and symptoms. I just went last week to have my measurements taken and there is hardly a change from a year ago, which is great.
I have been lifting weights (kettlebells) and am building a home workout program for myself. Marianne created three workouts to scroll through each week. I do them on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I have been using weight in the program for three weeks, prior to that I used just body weight in this same set of exercises. I can honestly say, I already see and feel a difference in my body. I feel tighter, more balanced, centered. I am sold, I love this and want to do more.
When I was in treatment, I was amazed at how much my body could withstand. It gave me a new appreciation of my physical person. I didn't consistantly exercise before, but now I have both focus and drive.
As many of you know, I had a frozen shoulder after surgery. It began in December of last year and took until May to clear up. We have been talking about that tight band feeling around the chest? I had/have that too. I swear all of these symptoms are changing because of the exercise. My chest just feels better. I know with time, my chest would feel better anyway, but I think movement and use also go a long way in helping the tissue soften and release. Beside which I love the feeling of strength and power that lifting weight gives me. And honestly, I want to hottest most 'smokin' bod I can possibly have.
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I could not figure out how to contact Tim Gunn by any other means than facebook, but I just wrote him this letter (feel free to write him your own letter!!! The more, the better- https://www.facebook.com/TimGunn):
Hello Tim Gunn.
My name is Melanie Testa. Among other great attributes, I am also a breast cancer survivor who chose to have bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction. I am in contact with several women who have also chosen this path, some of us had unilateral mastectomies. I am telling you this because, as we discuss our new form and enter into life without a breast, or breasts, we need to start looking for clothing that works for our new bodies. Some of us choose to wear prothesis or breast forms, some don't, like myself. Some would like to chuck their breast forms out the window of a very tall building but do not because their clothing would not fit properly without it.
We have been discussing our needs as survivors of a body changing disease and a consistent theme that rises to the top is the need for clothing to fit the needs of our demographic. We want to look stylish, pretty, confident and strong, like the survivors that we are. Some of us need clothing to accommodate a single breast, all of us want clothing that honors who we are.
We question why there is no line of clothing for women who choose not to reconstruct their bodies. We wish there were! And this is where your name came into our discussion. I wonder if Project Runway might set up a challenge to make clothing for me and my fella gal pals? We need work clothing, sexy clothing, lingerie, new fitted tops.
I know this might not be the best way to contact you, but I could not find another way to do so. I thank you for your time and for all that you do.
Thank you for considering this idea. And heck, if you decide you might like to explore the idea further, I live in Brooklyn and would gladly meet with you to discuss it.
Melanie0 -
Finally!!! The video played for me. OK, truth is for some reason I thought you were going to be topless. Was happy to see a suit very much like one I bought this summer and waiting for an occasion to wear. Might have to join the Y just for a chance to show it off.
Melanie, you are beautiful!!!
I am not sure what this says about me and Melanie I hope you can understand what I am struggling to say but I just see normal. Not normal as in Grade C but beautiful young woman. Truth is I have decades on you and when you have lived as long as I have with ups and downs in weight, somehow things are just not as smooth, taut or as "north" as when I was younger. So I would have looked at you if I had been there - in admiration, and would have been saying to myself that a few more miles and a few less desserts might be in order. The whole flat part at most a footnote. I have lived with flat for nearly 2½ yrs so I am used to seeing flat. Yes I do wear prosthetics some but really am far more accustomed to seeing myself flat. I just see normal. I would be excited to see another flattie because I have yet to meet one.
Ladies, for those who are new to this or exploring this possibility, are you horrified, do you feel the need to cover the eyes of small children? Would you spin your head off in the grocery store if you passed us? The only children near my life are the neighborhood kids that I see when working in the lawn or walking Her Yorkinesses. They saw me when I was heavier and enormous and now they see me thinner and flat. They are not horrified. And some of the parents have stopped me on the street to say how good I look. People who knew nothing about the BC.
Barbara
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Linda - I was D+ uniboober for a year while going through chemo and radiation. When the time came to proceed with recon I changed my mind and went for another mastectomy. So now I am flat and loving it. After hauling D+ around for many years being flat is really nice. No bras. No prothestis. Just me. Love it.
Finally decided it was about what I wanted and not what others expected. Just not my style to make decisions based on what other think. It was a carefully considered decision. I know I can always for to recon in the future but I'm moving close to 59, Stage IIIc, and have the radiation damage to consider. Felt it would be more fun to go braless the rest of my life - something I never did in my younger years.
It's all good.
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Starak? Are you suggesting I eat some cake?
I am glad you could finally watch the video.
It is funny, on taping day I sat with a fellow survivor who clearly did not understand that I perfer going flat to wearing prothesis. She leaned over and suggested a store where I might purchase breast forms and bras. Then there are the women who look at me in admiration too. It takes all sorts, that is for sure. Like Erica keeps saying, the great thing about not reconstructing is that we have options.
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You girls are giving me strength for my upcoming bilateral. I fought with the docs for a bi and won. The procedure itself is what's scaring me now and not the fact that I will be without my DD+. Well, one other thing is that I'm not as slim and at 53 after 3 major abdominal operations, also not as taught and am a bit worried about the saggy lower half but otherwise feel I have definately made the right decision. Thank you for this thread and I'm looking forward to seeing if you get a reply from Tim Gunn. PS...MT1...your video is GREAT!
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Hey, Mel, I am willing to model on Project Runway
Seriously though, I would love to do that, and I am a pretty good clothes dummy at this point. A bit worn, a bit old and not exactly as tall or bodacious as Heidi Klum, but still.0 -
Momine, please PM Tim Gunn, asap! Maybe if he hears from a few of us? Mention me and my query to him? Let's do this!
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Frapp, It will all be alright. Breath, meditate, calm yourself. Prepare your mind for a pleasant outcome.
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Mel, ok, would you mind PMing me the email address?
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Frapp - yep, being boobless means the tummy is more prominent. I am not small and my belly sticks out. I laugh that my boobs used to enter the room before me and now it's my belly. Oh well. That's life. I am working on losing some pounds and have changed my style for work clothes a bit. But that's it. I have worked too hard to fight the cancer, if I lose pounds that is a bonus. If not, I'm just happy for today.
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Melanie, Whatever you are doing, keep it up because it is working for you. Our very own poster person for Flat & Fabulous
Barbara (Erica) is so right about options. We have many. Foobs, no foobs, big foobs, little foobs, foobs sometimes always or never... I find a certain decadent pleasure in the freedom to change my mind a dozen times before getting out the door in the morning - and have. Expense perhaps but at the end of the day no more life altering than which piece of jewelry to wear today. No new scars, no pain, no anesthesias, no doctors to try and persuade. I am in charge of my life and I will not be made to feel guilty by anyone for going flat, for wearing prosthesis, or for changing my mind half way through the day. And on those occasions when the little suckers are causing me pain, happily throwing their happy asses on a shelf to learn some manners. hehehehe
Barbara
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MT1 - can you pm me his email, too? I think it's an awesome idea!
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me too!! And would also like to be on the Dr. Phil show. omg I just admitted that
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