I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
-
Just to tidy up a few points which have got lost in translation.
I am not knocking anyone who wears make up and who uses cosmetics to feel more confident.
I AM however sticking the boot into large cosmetic businesses piggybacking on the breast cancer issue and coming up with something as fatuous as the Look Good Campaign. The day I was diagnosed my breast care nurse bounded up with a bag of various cosmetic crap and presented it to me as if I'd won the lottery. Congratulations - you lost a tit but got some fabulous eye liner. When I told her I was going to sell it on Ebay and give the proceeds to cancer research she looked baffled.
Topless (my own personal award for the best ever username) I would have shoved that pink frigging teddy down the nearest latrine. Why does this disease give them freedom to infantalise us? I am a grown woman not a 6 year old.
I am astonished as to why BC always gets singled out for different treatment compared to all of the other cancers. As my wonderful but now dead BC chum said "If you get a pink ribbon for breast cancer what colour do you have to wear for bowel cancer - shit brown?"
I lost a much loved college friend to bone cancer in her 30s and have seen so many of my own family die of other cancers and there were no teddies or key rings for them. Try getting lung cancer and see how the world treats you - no fruity lip gloss I can assure you.
Anyway - thank you for your support everyone. I have no idea how long the referral will take but I am ready for them this time!
Frapp - I hope you are feeling comfortable - take your time with recovery.
0 -
I have to say that I was thankful for Look Good Feel Better. I had no idea how to draw on eyebrows and I felt so alien without them. Also at the one I attended it wasn't just breast cancer patients. I was there due to chemo for lymphoma and there was also a woman with lung cancer at the one I attended along with three breast cancer patients.
But nobody thrust anything at me. It was a service I signed up for. Not having much experience with make-up I really appreciated the tricks they taught me. I can now use eyeliner and also make my never totally rebounded eyebrows look ok. The eyeliner I could live without but the eyebrow thing has done a lot for my confidence.
0 -
greenfrog - I love you story about the cosmetics and the lottery. It made me laugh.... still chuckling.
river rat - like you I was introduced to Look Good Feel Better but I never signed up or went.
I figured I was missing a boob - who cared about eyebrows and hair? It just wasn't important to me, but..... I work from home so was not out meeting people regularly. My family got me as me. If I had been going into work somewhere it may have been a different story.
When all the US mammo regulations came out in the 1990's (I'm a mammo tech) one radiologist was on a rant asking about other cancer. Why breast cancer? Why not prostate CA? Always wondered that myself. Being flat chested I do feel like an advertisement for breast cancer - don't need pink or other geegaws.
Oh well, everyone is different. Now the weather is cooler I am enjoying the pink hoodie (a gift) that says 'For the Girls' across the front. Makes me laugh but it is warm.
0 -
I am really pleased you found Look Good to be of benefit RiverRat - but it sounds like a different scheme to what we had here.
My problem with all of this is the constant focus on the external physical aesthetic when it comes to women's cancers. It all ties in with the reconstruction issue in my mind.
And yes I think men are very hard done by in all of this. As many men develop and die of prostate cancer as women do of BC - not that you'd know it. Although of course it is Movember and men are merrily growing moustaches to highlight awareness of prostate and testicular cancer.
Thanks to the side effects of Arimidex I too will be contributing my own moustache this year.
0 -
greenfrog - laughing again at 'contributing my own moustache'. You have a way with words.
0 -
I'ts been about a year and a half since my unilateral mastectomy, no reconstruction, just a reduction on the other side, and I had my annual physical yesterday. During the exam, my PCP quizzed me as to why I had not undergone reconstruction. I rattled off my thinking - didn't want added recovery time, let alone the extra surgery and possible complications including a higher risk of developing lymphedema, issues with radiated skin etc. etc. She listened patiently and then queried, "But do you think you'll have it done in the future, rather than staying lopsided?" I just stared. I explained that my plastic surgeon (who did a great job on the reduction) thought that my reasoning was completely valid, and that furthermore, I have no issues whatsoever with the way my body looks. Apart from the fact that it's getting older, of course. I think doctors should really have a shift in paradigm. I was a little shocked that while my plastic surgeon completely respected my decision, my PCP felt it was her place to try to change my mind.
0 -
Greenfrog you are so funny! (And I agree that Topless is a great username)
Thank you for your support and understanding Happyraccoon. Like you, I wouldn't at all be surprised to find that when they test the non-bc breast that it will turn out it also has cancer. I will be anxiously waiting for the results to confirm that I am ok. That will be the best Christmas present - if the tests confirm that there is no cancer in the breast. I'm glad you were able to convince the doctors to do both breasts at once. The first diagnosis and surgery happened so fast I didn't have time to wrap my head around it enough to even ask if they could do both, let alone argue with the doctors. I'm glad some of the doctors are starting to understand that peace of mind is more important to some women than a body with one breast. Changing attitudes takes a long time, but my surgeon told me that I was the second woman that week to ask him for a prophylactic mx. He said they don't teach you about the emotional toll it takes on a person to constantly worry that they are carrying around a ticking time bomb. He said they also don't teach you about the physical pain women go through. His patients had to educate him on those issues. So apparently doctors can be taught!
You do have to give yourself time to rest though. I know it is aggravating, but surgery of any kind is a major blow to the body. I think of it as though my body only has a limited supply of resources and for many months after surgery it is throwing all of those resources into the surgical zone, so there is not much left for the regular day to day stuff. Rest replenishes those resources. I have already let my husband know that he will be in making Christmas dinner this year - I don't care how it turns out - I will be resting this Christmas as I will only be 3-4 weeks post surgery. The guests can entertain themselves and help clean up afterwards. I will be putting my feet up on a comfy chair. (This coming from a woman who has never asked anyone for help in her life, dispite chronic pain from an accident - until bc came knocking).
0 -
Okay, this takes the cake. I just saw this commercial on TV for the first time. How did I miss during October? Almost thought it was a parody! Makes me want to puke. Perhaps the gal should be juggling implants!
http://www.firstpost.com/topic/disease/breast-cancer-5-hour-energy-pink-lemonade-ad-november-1-2012-video-ZgWw71qJw2Y-50861-1.html
Greenfrog, you are so funny! Thank you for the laughs!0 -
Hello good women.
I am resurfacing. Life is looking up. Thankfully.
I started a new art project around breast cancer. I am making what I call Breastplates, there will be 7 plum colored rayon Breastplates. Each one will be stitched, embellished, printed and otherwise surface designed. They appear as if they are flat, playful tank top shapes, and they are meant to be tied to the body. The eighth one will be gorgeous, highly stitched, embellished and worked. I would love to get a show for them and include the Breast Pocket Project in the presentation. I am still working on that project as well.
Art helps me process. Thank goodness I have this outlet. (A first image of the Breastplates are on my blog).
I have been working out my differences with my husband. He has agreed to get cancer care giver support and to go to a doctor to talk about some issues he is having that could inhibit his libido. I have put his needs into perspective so that I am not gobsmacked when (and if) he were to state his needs in an off-kilter manner like he did last month.
Thanks so much for your words here on this board.0 -
OK going to do my anti-pink anti Komen song on Youtube. That commercial makes me want to kill.
0 -
It certainly looked like an SNL parody. But sadly, it wasn't.
0 -
Energy drink. Indeed. How about battery acid? Works for the Energizer Bunny...
I dream of a day when I will have enough strength to go out in my backyard and dig a garden. I would plant chard, kale, and anything else I can grow. I've done this before, but without persistence, so I ended up with an endless supply of mint. Mint, mint, mint which I boiled into tea. Tea, tea, tea....(I have to think like this just to get through the anxiety of living in a world where genuine research--from which I have benefited--is funded any which way it can be, including the promotion of toxic lifestyles.)
And I don't think I've said it here before, but it's been on my mind lately: I know the cancers I grew in my body were not as difficult to treat as so many of yours. Those of you who have survived chemo and/or radiation are my special heroes. Your thoughts mean a great deal to me, because they help me see the progression of this thing. Also, I learn valuable perspective from you.
Djustme, your encouragement is kind of holding me up this morning. My pool injury hurts now on both pectorals. I just don't know how to rest. Yesterday my husband got up and left the bed for several hours, annoyed, vexed, and unwilling to talk it through. He said only, "I can't stand to be around your anxiety right now. I'm going to go read my book."
Anxiety? I tried to explain to him that it was only pain. Truth is, it's both. The doctors changed one of my doses yesterday. I'm having hot flashes every few minutes from the Tamoxifen I started a few weeks ago. My body HURTS. Hands, feet, hips, back, neck. (I've had arthritis since I was 32.) Lying down to close my eyes feels like torture, because there's no position that works.
Maybe I'll get so good at yoga that I can levitate and float around the house. I would lift wet towels, forgotton homework, and Halloween gum wrappers off the floor by telekinesis.
To the point: every time I put on my cotton tshirt or dress without a bra--which is every time I get dressed--I feel entitled to this amazing comfort for the rest of my life. I've earned the right. It goes on my list of gratitudes every day.
PS...art!!!!!!!!! I want to do more art!!! Thanks for the report, Mel!
0 -
Happy, it sounds like you are in need of a pity party. They are absolutely deserved at this point in your surgical journey. You are tired of and from this journey. Difficult decisions have been made, irreversable steps taken and now you are physically restricted, exhausted and done. And pain is one of the most draining things you can endure.
On one of my 'dark' days, I remember my dh dialing. He told the person on the other end that I was in need of a pity party and handed the phone to me. I was quite preturbed and asked him what the 'heck' he was doing. Well, he had dialed one of my lifelong best buddies who can always make me laugh. We had a great chat and it did make me feel better for a bit.
From that moment on, I do allow myself the odd 'party' and then try to move on. You can always schedule another one whenever you need to.
(FYI Tamoxifen did a real number on me. Had my ovaries removed so I could move on to Arimidex. I have had a much better time with it.)
0 -
UGGGGGH! yes that commercial is enough to make anyone puke. But wait - just when you think it couldn't get worse - take a look at the 5 hour energy drink commercial with the little girl in it (who on earth would let a 6? 7? year old drink a 5 hour energy drink!). I don't think I can let this one go without sending them a complaint. Both commercials are an insult to women with breast cancer. The whole campaign is an insult and a marketing abuse to sell a product.
Happyraccoon - I hope you can find a way to relax. I have taken .5 mg of Clonzepam at bedtime for the last couple of years to help prevent the muscles in my legs from going into spasm while I sleep. Turns out it is also used as an anti-anxiety medication. I became extremely anxious last year prior to my first surgery, so my doctor suggested that I take it as needed at other times for anxiety (If I do not plan to sleep I just take half when I can't relax and feel really anxious). As I mentioned on a couple of posts, I have chronic back pain and arthritis in just about every joint in my body, so i totally understand about not being able to get comfortable. I have a 3 inch memory foam pad on top of my regular pillow top mattress and sleep with 4 pillows, which are a bother to rearrange whenever I want to change position, but it is the only way I can wake up in the morning at a reasonable pain level. The pain and fatigue get you down, and the more down in the dumps you are, the more pain and fatigue you will suffer - so it's kind of a vicious cycle. Anti-depressants can help pain medication work better in situations where it is appropriate, and many bc patients have to go that route. It sounds like you are normally an energizer bunny and it is really bothering you that you have to slow down. Just keep reminding yourself that it isn't forever. The rest you are taking now, is like medicine to heal you and will make your tomorrows much better.
0 -
Saw the commercial - hated it - it just made the 5 Hour Energy drink seem even less palatable, and I didn't think that was possible.
0 -
Dear god what is wrong with the world. That product and ad are wrong on so many levels it is hard to know where to begin. Shame shame shame on all scumbags who brazenly use BC as a marketing tool to sell their crappy products.
That's me pissed off for the rest of the day.
0 -
Pip57- I had to leave a comment on the Huff Post article.
0 -
Re aches and pains at night. Heating pad. I love my heating pad.
0 -
Another brave woman who had bilateral without reconstruction: http://www.canada.com/health/book+photographs+captures+beauty+after+breast+removal/7365534/story.html
0 -
Great, I am going to order the book. It's on amazon.
0 -
Pip, thanks for the tip that it's on Amazon. I'm going to get it too. Before my BMX I was fortunate that my daughter works in the medical field and was able to borrow a copy of the book "Show Me' from a medical library for me. That book doesn't seem to be in print anymore. Recently when my sister was dx'ed with breast cancer my daughter got the book out for us again. My other sister is looking waiting for biopsy results and the way things are going I think it'd be worth having a copy of something similar in the family.
0 -
Melly, thanks for your comments mentioning the potential issues surrounding breast recon. The picture of the young woman with her husband is so sweet and beautiful.
0 -
MT1 - The young woman in the photo for the new book is beautiful ... not just her face, but her body and her repose with her husband. Her chest is how I had expected mine to look, instead of lumps and bumps and dips with a navel in the center of it all ... plus, there are those "water balloons" at breast level under my arms. I can hardly bear to touch that mess of scars and looking at it can still bring tears.
On a brighter note, I am loving camisoles. I've ordered quite a few different styles from Jockey. My favorites are the stretchy blended fabric ones in bright colors (style #s 2382 & 2094). I like that they can be worn "frontwards and backwards." If anyone orders from them, limit that first purchase because you'll get a 20 percent coupon as a thank you for your next order.
0 -
Granelli, You are probably tired of hearing this, but it takes time for the pain to go away and for things to get smoother. I am very pleased to be smooth and no bumps, but it took about a year. And as far as the pain went, each day or week just got easier and now I won't say I am pain free (2 years ago) but I am pretty near pain free, just discomfort now in those ragged places especially where the scar tissue is under my arm.
It takes time...and keep asking your doctor too.
I am having a rough week, there was a group of 3 other women who had mastectomies and I joined in to talk with them, only to realize I was the only one who did not get reconstruction. The one said she deserved far better than being flat...and I didn't have an answer. The other woman showed me her recon job and then told me she lost 2 years to it (surgery, missed work, pain, infections...)...wow.
Reconstruction is not something I want, but I don't know what to say to people who leave me feeling bad.
How strange it all is, I had physical pain for 2 years and now that has calmed down and I have emotional pain. I seemed far more comfortable with being flat when I had physical pain. Does this make any sense?
Thanks...
0 -
It does seem that almost everyone is getting recon now. At one of my first support group meetings a woman that had had breast cancer said how thankful she was that she didn't have to have a mastectomy, that she knows she wouldn't be able to look at herself and would just cry and cry, she wouldn't feel like a woman anymore - I was 2 weeks post MX
- I don't think that she knew. Well it is our safe space to say what we feel 
.Crystalphm - I just tell people that I have so much damage that I didn't even consider it, plus I wanted NO more surgery! And now I've had a couple of punch biopsies in my MX area - they immediately triggered my LE, worse than ever, and 4 weeks later, I'm still having a hard time controlling it, so now I add that to my reasons for no recon - I can't imagine what I mess I would be with recon!
Plus - I HATE BRAS!!!
0 -
Yesterday, I took my own advice and went to my local American Cancer Society to just for the heck of it to look at the world of forms and bras with the clear understanding that I did not want them to give me anything. Just wanted a chance to see, touch, feel, maybe even try on some things for future reference when ordering online. They buy the Nearly Me brand and oval shapes which I never see other than online plus have a wide variety of brands that have been donated. And I had another agenda in mind, to talk about all of our experiences. The desire for flat to be one of the accepted and normal options, that I know of people online but have never seen one in person outside of myself. Talked about the scarring and nerve damage that many are forced to endure. I walked in wearing forms as I wanted something to compare to and would have my own bra to try on forms. I wore an outfit that works equally well flat and with forms and showed her both ways. No surprise that she thought both ways looked perfectly fine.
She was shocked when I told her of the "ugly, mutilated and you will be sorry" comments of some BS and PS. She was even more shocked and incredulous when I told her how it was so easy to get on the recon train through the boob factory but how difficult it was to find a PS willing to simply clean up behind the original surgery to leave a nice smooth canvas or to try and relieve the suffering caused by scarring and nerve damage. That struck a nerve as she had seen some of the results that have made me ask how that surgeon still has a license, and how incomprehensible it was that so many PS would flatly refuse to help them unless they accepted full recon. Also spoke of what recon really entails in the best of circumstances to when it goes bad. At that point a reminder of what is a patient to do who was talked into a recon with the ugly, mutilated bit, has it go wrong and forced to deconstruct. What is she to do with that image now? What are any of us to do with that image?
We spoke of these things and so much more.
I was an outcast as a teenager and growing up. Perhaps that is a factor in why I have had to develop a little thicker skin. I do know it is why I try my absolute hardest to be kind, welcoming to those with challenges, and to always look past any distractions to see the beauty. Am I always totally successful, truthfully No, but the harder I try to be compassionate to those outside of myself, the easier I find it to be compassionate with myself. The harder I try to see the beauty in others, the easier to see beauty and find peace with myself.
Okay, not entirely. Still look at those who do amazing things with wheelchairs and prosthetics and ask myself why I cannot seem to do better with perfectly good original equipment.
Barbara
0 -
crystalphm, thank you for that encouragement. T I M E ... I must keep that uppermost in my mind.
"NO further surgery," is the first and main reason I state about my choice for a double mastectomy. Then I relate how during the heat wave of last summer while I was healing from the lumpectomy, how very uncomfortable it was. That was when the prospect of being "breast free" and never having to wear a bra began to be an appealing option. As I said in my previous "rant," I'm loving camisoles.
0 -
I have a rash on my radiation area. It wraps around my chest to my back. Earlier in the week I hade verve pain in my incision area and a very intense sensation on my ribs. I slept for almost two days straight. I don't feel headachy any more, but I sure wish this rash would go away. It is itchy.
I called my MO's NP and left a message.
I emailed my MO with a photograph and have not heard back. email isn't his favorite mode of communication. He usually responds though.
I am fretting a little.
0 -
Dear MT1,
Is shingles a possibility? Dawn0 -
It could be, I had chicken pox when I was a kid.
0
