I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
Comments
-
Brownlee, does your mom plan to wear foobs? Without foobs, there's really no need for a bra. A lot of surgeons recommend a sports bra for some compression for a while afterward, but once the immediate healing is done there isn't really need for anything. I haven't worn a bra since getting rid of the post-op sports bra. I find that if I want something under what I'm wearing, a cami or T-shirt (depending on the look) is much more comfortable.
0 -
I have never had a problem with the bra riding up, not even when wearing the fluff foobs. It probably depends on your anatomy to some extent and the kind of bra. I usually wear cami-type things or sports bras.
0 -
I am not happy and feel the same about being lop sided, if it was cancer anywhere else I would say so, if it was an injury from an accident that caused my mutilated state I would say so, but cancer, no way.......I need cancer free space......so I would just say something blasé like
"Oh I am fine thank you, I try not to think about it these days as it was such a huge ordeal at the time" and hope they get the hint!!!
0 -
Agree that there's no need for a bra unless wearing foobs. It also is wonderful to go without a bra. If anyone wants something underneath, camisoles work and the lacy ones are kind of sexy.
I frankly am fine with people knowing that I lost my breasts to cancer - if they notice, which honestly, most don't. The first few months I was SOOO self conscious, thinking that everyone was looking at me and my lack of breasts but now I realize that they don't even notice. However, not a terrible thing for people to remember that bc is out there but that women can survive and move on proudly with their lives. I have no problem being an advertisement for both points.
0 -
I prefer people not to know about the BC. At first I was open about it, but some of the comments were a bit too much. One in particular annoyed the hell out of me: One girl said (after I had quoted the statistics from the National Cancer Institute on the deaths of women from this disease) "women don't die of this disease any more as she turned towards another woman listening who admits that she knows nothing about BC." The reason why I now prefer people not to know is that I don't want to be reminded of it all the time and prefer to forget it. Indenial is a safe place for me.
Nel: what kind of exercise tank are you using. The riding up problem is one that I am also addressing since I want to be able to play golf without pulling down my golf shirt all the time. At the moment, I plan to buy a fitted tank and sew the pockets into it, per Momine's solution. Also, the Amoena Valetta 2830 camisole that was mentioned before is on my list to buy.
0 -
painterly,
I will have to check when I get home. At work this AM. But it is just a regular NIKe or some such, not made for BC folks, but it does have a place to slide in the prostetic. Tonight will be the first time I try it, so hopefully no riding!
Be well
Nel
0 -
I'm lopsided and wear a foob most of the time. The silicone foob is pretty heavy and never rides up. The microbead foob rides up, but I'm going to try a camisole to deal with that. I'm thinking the camisole can be tucked into panties and that should keep it down. I don't always wear one around the house, but almost always when I go out.
0 -
Wren ~ Where in WA do you live?
0 -
Painterly, I find that Lululemon yoga tops often have pockets for "modesty panels," which can be used for prostheses. I usually get a larger-than-usual size since I don't like snug-fitting clothes. So if I get a 12 instead of an 8, I'm very comfortable. Lululemon can be quite pricey, but it often has tops on sale for about $30, which is pretty reasonable. They're very comfortable and presentable, so you can use them as tank tops in the summer.
0 -
Like Momine, I haven't had a problem with my bras riding up, at least not when I wear my silicone prostheses (breast forms) either in a pocketed or regular bra. And I don't like to wear my bras tight. When I wear weighted non-silicone forms in very lightweight bras, they don't ride up either. With unweighted foam forms, I wear a pocketed camisole and they stay in place.
0 -
del
0 -
CCFW, Have had this experience more times than I can count. Also have the discussions about being flat with fellow shoppers and they are so oblivious standing in right in front of me that they never notice I have them beat in the flat department unless I bring it up. Funny but I think it really is true, people presume we are just small-chested and do not normally catch on that we are truly flat.
0 -
I agree that we are way more aware of our "flatness" than others. I went to a birthday last night, and about half way through the room was warm and I began itching under my foam foobs. This has never happened before, I was wearing them in a Still You cami...but anyway, the conversation was brilliant and all I could think of was digging something under the foobs to scratch the itch.
Finally I mentioned it and the women seemed surprised that I would even consider to be uncomfortable to be at this dress up event with them. The one woman said she bet if i closed my eyes, I could not describe the breasts of the other 12 women i was sitting with...she was right! I never look at breasts ...so they are not looking at mine (or lack of) either.
I am way too hard on myself.
0 -
I got my silicone prosthesis on Tuesday. I have tried them on with many tops and the funny thing is that even though they are exactly the same size I was before the mx (size 2 forms - about 34A) they seem too obvious, especially in plain front tops. It seems too noticeable that I have boobs! I guess it is a matter of perspective - they are just big compared to my flat chest. They look ok with tops that have gathers - the same tops I wear to camouflage the flatness, I now want to wear to camouflage the boobs! I still haven't decided whether or not to wear them, but I know for sure I wouldn't want to have to wear them everyday. The thing I liked the most about having them on was feeling the weight of them on my chest. It is almost like being able to imagine having my real breasts back. Kind of a nostalgia thing. Never in my life did I imagine I would be having conversations with other women about breasts, never mind introspective, philosophical thoughts and debates about the pros and cons of them! It is a strange place to be. It certainly makes me feel better to hear about how much other people don't notice whether or not we have breasts. But it also is reassuring to know that there is someplace to come and talk about all the thoughts that run through your head when you are living without your natural breasts.
0 -
Djustme, I know what you mean, lol. I am currently wearing minimal foobs, and they look HUGE to me. I can easily see myself wearing them less and less, although I think I will always have some around, just because some of my clothes work so much better with a bump.
0 -
Went to get a CT scan for stomach pain yesterday. No foobs = of course, I don't even own any. Tech had no idea until I mentioned it and then she asked which side for the IV.
No one notices. Wait - one friend - my gay friend of 40 years noticed. He's the only one who I didn't tell and who looked at me and knew. Probably was just looking to check out the outfit anyway. Much better dresser than me.
0 -
Women in Montreal are very fashion conscious so they are aware of each other and who is wearing what and if she has got "it" right or not. Walking downtown is amusing to see women "eye" each other. So perhaps women here are more self-conscious about going with the flat look as they know they will be noticed.
I have been going flat for 3 weeks now and with the help of scarves, it has been quite doable. But as soon as I get the okay to start swinging my golf club again I will have to abandon the scarves otherwise they will get tangled in my golf club. LOL. I will need the help of the small foobs.
Golfers watch each other's swing, especially if it is a good swing. Onlookers like to admire a good swing and they are aware of all the technical aspects of the swing and whether the golfer striking the ball has executed a good solid swing or missed one of the many technical aspects. So all the body parts involved in the swing are on display (including the boobs) for the onlookers to study and admire. One gal at our club (in Florida) has amazingly large breasts and quite the derriere to match and we love to watch her executing her shot. She is just fascinating to watch. We tend not to watch golfers with a bad swing, as it is too contagious to do so. LOL... Since I have a good swing, I will definitely need some foobs.
Yesterday, I tried on several sports bras, but came home empty handed. They were all so darned uncomfortable. I will keep looking. I still have a few weeks before I get the okay to play golf again.
0 -
Someone mentioned Lululemon for camis...(can't find the post)...I will check that store today.
0 -
Painterly, I found the fruit of the loom sports bras, cami style with thin straps at Wal Mart of all places. They are comfortable and provided the small amount of coverage that I wanted.
0 -
Painterly - Guess I have been around this thread too long because it makes me angry. So what if they notice. I am sorry that you have to be surrounded by such shallow people that would think that a couple of lumps of silicone are somehow more important than the fact that Thank God!! you are still alive and upright. Makes me want to shake them and ask is there a human being in there anywhere or are you just a lifeless soulless plastic shell?
On a different thought, I saw this experiment where they asked people to count how many times a ball was passed in a short video (think that was the question). At the end, they asked if anyone had seen a gorilla. Most were so focused on counting that they never saw the man in a gorilla suit pass through the group. FWIW.
0 -
Good points Starak! And I liked the gorilla/ball experiement that you mentioned.
For myself, I cannot decide if I fit into the shallow category or if the fact that I am an artist influences my self consciousness. I must confess though that I love to see the human form in all its glory. I love the athletic shape with its straight lines and lack of curves, but they are not all that easy to paint unless they have a good muscle mass. I also love to see the fuller woman who brings to mind Rubens and of course Renoir and the way those painters portrayed the human form.
0 -
Painterly, here is a link to the gorilla thing.
http://www.theinvisiblegorilla.com/gorilla_experiment.html
and here on youtube
0 -
Starak, I agree, so what if they notice? I actually have driven myself crazy with the whole issue, flat or not flat, and I have come to the resolve (at least this week) that I have to do what feels right for me. And the only mistake I can make is to wear foobs because I think someone else may like to look at them.
I have seen that gorilla video...and I also know I have to tell people when I get my hair cut because no one notices...and no one notices new glasses either.
I visited a friend in Paris quite a few years ago, and she was rather much like a hippie and very pleased with her self. I asked her how does it feel to work in Paris and dress like a fashionable hippie and she said you either compete, or find your own path.
Sometimes now, on the good days, I feel like I am finding my own path.
0 -
Good for you Crystalphm! I agree that we spend way too much time thinking about it. I loved the post back a couple months where someone had decided that the foobs should be thought of as an accessory; something you choose or don't choose each day the way you choose clothes or earrings. It is my goal to get to that place in my life where I am that comfortable with it. As Momine said, some outfits just need a little bump to make them sit on the body properly. But that shouldn't mean I have to wear them with every outfit, especially on cool, damp days when my scars just seem to scream with irritation.
Politicomama - I have also found (after buying about a dozen uncomfortable bras) that the cheaper sports bras are more comfortable, simply because they are made with less support and are therefore made less structured and less tight. Even though I haven't been wearing the foobs, I have experiemented with many bras and camisoles under my tops so that people don't see skin (and scars) if I have to bend down. There are many little inexpensive T-shirt material bras that have pockets already in them because they have either modesty inserts or removable padding in them. Everyone's scars are of slightly different shapes and angles so finding a bra that doesn't hit your unique 'hot spots' is the problem. I hope you find your own perfect match, or decide it's ok to go flat, because an irritated chest is going to interfere with your enjoyment of golf, and it would be such a shame to let that happen. It would be like letting the cancer steal one more thing from you.
0 -
Painterly... I am trying to figure out how to say this. If you are a great golfer, you will still have an awesome swing and everyone will still love to watch you, whether or not you have boobs. I know you feel like it will be so much more obvious with so many eyes on you but you said yourself, you don't watch the ones with the bad swings, they watch you because you have a good swing, NOT because of how your body looks!
I had yet another experience today with someone surprised when I said I'd had a BMX. They seriously did not know or notice, even staring straight at me, that I did not have breasts. And this was someone who works on the breast cancer floor! Every day I feel more & more comfortable with my new body. And because *I* am comfortable with it, the people around me are comfortable with it too. I'm having fun getting dressed... some of my old clothes don't quite work, but there are other shirts that look even better and some options I didn't have when I was large on top! I find layers and patterns and button or zip fronts look especially nice, but simple, form-fitting tops look good too & make me look slimmer. I do still have curves, just missing 2 of them. I can still show off the rest.
I wish I could give you a piece of this comfort & confidence that I have, because once you get a little bit of it, I think it will just grow & grow. You are beautiful just the way you are.
0 -
I wish I hadn't known about the gorilla before seeing the gorilla.
Painterly, you describe what I wish women didn't have to feel. Definitely not meant as a slight, but I don't think what you describe is isolated to Montreal or playing golf: we all feel that self-consciousness to some degree. Social researchers have observed that while women think may think they dress for men, they really dress to impress other women. Guess we have to know where we stand in terms of the competition.
I have never been able to fit into the mainstream of fashion, and only came recently to a place where I feel comfortable most of the time. I think feeling comfortable then in turn makes me look better. My fashion challenge now is not my flatness, but dressing up for the rare occasions when really I should be wearing something that I haven't bothered to own at this point in my life, like something fancy for a tuxedo/gown level event. I have neither the money to just go buy something appropriate nor the time to forage around in thrift stores like I used to do when I was young.
Good luck with your golf. In going back to sports, I noticed that it was actually easier starting to play again after my mastectomy than it was starting to play after having had a baby. The "enormous rack" as we affectionately called it really threw me off balance. No issues like that after BMX.
Edited to add: maybe I should just take all of this back! My city was just named one of the 10 least fashionable cities in the US by some major real estate association (why such an association is making a list, I don't know), so what the heck do I know.
0 -
Oh my goodness.. This is amazing.. I could go on forever with my experience but I will tell you this. I had a double mastectomy last year.. I had reconstruction and I just under went explanation. I am flat.. I'm ok with being flat and if you'd like to see my you tube videos documenting my experiences than just type in vanessa racelis. You can see me in all my glory.. Lol. Some videos are older and not so good but I have submitted a few in this past week documenting my removal and how being a flatsie is cool.
0 -
Hi ladies. I can imagine strangers might not notice a BMX lady as missing anything unless she went nearly naked. I have not found anyone noticing my UMX even though it is odd looking if you were to focus on it. Admittedly I have so far only worn shirts, baggy teeshirts and tracksuits, a rather limited wardrobe, and definitely not a breast-highlighting one. Some others on this thread have mentioned that scarves can be a useful accessory, so I must experiment with that suggestion. Personally I have not been able to get my head around wearing a fake breast. If it were something a lot more noticeable, like my front teeth, I might well feel differently. I do draw on my eyebrows, which never recovered from chemo. I’m my Avon lady’s best customer now.
When I look in a mirror I look wierd to MYSELF without the eyebrows. Because the only other mastectomy ladies I know here in Ireland were comforable wearing the prosthesis I was a little perplexed at my own discomfort (am talking mental comfort/discomfort). The prosthesis is considered so normal and necessary that the State provides a mx patient with 2 mastectomy bras per year and a soft form prosthesis and a silicone prosthesis every 2 years, (talking umx, of course it would be x 2 if bmx). Health insurance will pay half of any others bras or prosthetics if you want to purchase additional supplies. So here I am with these delightful freebies gathering dust on my shelf. A friend helped clarify a few things about what I feel right now. She asked me among other things whether I would want to wear the fake breast if I had the idea it would make other people feel more comfortable...when I thought about that I said that I did not expect other people to be uncomfortable about my lack of a breast. Surprised maybe, if they didn't know, but not uncomfortable. What sort of person would think less of another for having had lifesaving cancer surgery? I also don't expect many strangers to notice that I don't have a left breast. Small children can be uninhibited in commenting on strangers. But I don’t expect small children to be looking at my chest. I think I wore the wig outdoors during chemo because I did think children would notice and point. That one is harder to miss.
With the aid of my friend’s questions I came down to that at this moment in time I felt I would actually be quite embarassed
to think anyone knew I was wearing a fake breast…..and not at all embarassed if anyone knew I didn’t have a breast. That explained a lot. Now you can all put that down to me and my own personal foibles because that's all it is. Thankfully there is no right or wrong here. There is no such outfit as the breast police. It is uncharted territory for each of us on here and it makes sense to do whatever feels best. It's not one of those issues where one might be being selfish for only focusing on ones own feelings and not considering others. Really NO-ONE ELSE is going to be affected. Just putting this up in case it helps anyone else. (What do we women do except compare notes as we try to make sense of our lives).
0 -
PS Starak - my son's school performed that gorilla trick you mentioned during a magic show before an audience of 350 people. The audience was even TOLD TO WATCH OUT AND HOLLER when a gorilla would come on stage and steal a banana off a table. At the point the gorilla actually came on, no-one noticed, because there had been intervening acts, and they were not focussing on the banana. There was even another unnoticed gorilla came out at one stage, not stealing the banana. I guess the point you were making was even if we had two gorillas and a bunch of bananas on our chests, plenty of people wouldn't notice.
0 -
Love the gorilla video.
I agree with Starak. So what if people notice? In terms of art, I kind of like Picasso and the impressionists. Ruben's not my taste. And all forms of the human body are beautiful. I believe I'm beautiful now. Beauty is in all different shapes and sizes, not just the popularly celebrated shapes.
Painterly - my boobs used to get in the way of my golf swing. Much better without them. My experience with golf has been that people watch the swing, and how I'm moving the ball. Doesn't matter what the swing looks like if the ball hooks or slices or doesn't go the distance. If I do a par 3 in 8 strokes, that's what people notice. Conversely, if I shoot below par (one or twice on one or two holes), then that's what is noticed. It is the game that matters, not whether people admire your body parts, and it's your ability to play the game that should be getting the admiration and that you should be concentrating on. My Dad used to shoot in the low 70ies. that was all that mattered to anyone interested in the game - not how he looked or dressed (from K-mart) usually. He would make merciless fun of other golfers who had expensive clothes or clubs and couldn't play the game. I'm lucky to shoot 120, and trust me, that's a hell of a lot more embarrassing than the fact that I don't have boobs.
0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo