I look for other flat chested women. A rant.
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Starak: My tightness runs from the underarms across the chest also. I thought maybe it was because of the tubes which are slightly higher than the underarms and which cause a lot of pressure. Boy, I am a long long way off swinging a golf club again!
Momine: I checked Anita website. I saw a lovely prosthesis bra (5321) that may be a good supportive choice for sport. But I couldn't see any prices. I couldn't log in for some reason. The TLC looks great, is that a UK website? (Unless I looked at the wrong website).
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TX ANNE: I found the website http://mastectomysolutions.com/ to be VERY helpful . . . I sewed the slip into a camisole and made microbead foobs . . . this is my MOST COMFORTABLE option. I purchased 2 t-shirts and 3 camisoles by Ameone ($300+ and NOT covered under my insurance - bras were, but I found NO prosthetic bras that were comfortable - and they were either too tight around the scars under my arm pits, or too loose and rode up) . . the Ameone tops are nice quality though VERY expensive, but the elastic is WAY TOO TIGHT . . at first I thought they would do fine, but I grew unable to wear them all day at work without great discomfort . . the prosthesis I purchased seem too small and seem to sage in my garments - I do not want the nearly flat $300 foobs to appear to be a 90 year old's boobs after 50 years of gravity - - I am still attempting other options, but my home made, less than $30 solution is most comfortable for the days when I want bumps on my chest . . . most days, I go flat and camoflage . . .
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Last summer before chemo, I did vacation at the beach. I "made" little bumps of polyfill (from those horrendous foobs included in the post-surgery cami provided by the surgeon's office) and placed those in my swimsuits (they all have pockets already for the trace padding included) - - [I was a "nearly 'A'" size boob before BMX] . . . that seemed to work well . . more than likely because I was near flat to begin with, and the suits were chosen to look o.k. on a nearly flat chest . . . I have not decided what I will do this summer . . . I think I'll be purchasing new swimwear, because my suits are getting old, and because they tended to be a "deep plunge" (to nothingness - no cleavage on my pre-BMX chest) - my scars are fairly visible when I don't move, so movement is dangerous . . . I will likely go flat with suits that I purchase with that in mind.
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I am pretty sure TLC is US-based, because when I ordered I had to ship to a US address, then have someone forward the stuff here.
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Here is a direct link to the TLC clearance section: http://www.tlcdirect.org/Discount-And-Clearance-Cancer-Recovery-Products-On-Sale-American-Cancer-Society-TLC-Direct
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Thanks for the link Momine.
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Tx Anne-at last count, I had 12 jockey tanks and six tees! :0)
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TLC is an arm of the American Cancer Society and is US. Try metromedicalonline.com, I think. They carry a number of brands. I have ordered quite a bit. Also look on Breastfree.org as it has links to other online vendors as well as reviews of bras and forms. I have only ordered from TLC & Metro.
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Well, this is a rant, pure and simple. I was with my mother this weekend and while she was undressing she asked me not to peek.
I said "why would I peek Mom?"
And she said "You probably want to see all that you are missing".
I said nothing, she is 82 but I felt slammed. Why after a year do such comments still sink in like they have teeth?
And then at the show where I was selling my art, another seller told me I had no self respect and no self worth for being flat. She didn't even know I was flat until I told her why I was wearing compression sleeves...
Well, like i said, pure and simple, this is a rant. I don't know how to get strong enough where words don't hurt. maybe we never get strong enough??
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Dear Crystalphm,
I don't think it's odd that you felt hurt. I think you are a human being with normal tender feelings and those two who hurt you probably had no idea.... At least I hope they had no idea. Perhaps your Mom was making a joke in poor taste? As she's your Mom it is likely she loves you and so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and presume she probably didn't have hurting you in mind when those stupid words left her mouth. But the stranger at the show??? What the heck?? Most people are wonderful, kind, loving and then there are also some peculiarly insensitive idiots who haven't got a clue what it might be like to be in someone else's shoes. Unfortunately it looks like you ran into one of the latter sort, or at least she was being that way the day you had the misfortune to meet her! Crystal you know and I know that we are not our breasts. You have walked the walk to learn that. Neither actually are we our feelings, even sad and mad and bad as they can get when we are hurt like you have been. We are much more than either our bodies or our emotions. We are women of soul. Personally a year out, and despite being UMX which is more common here in Ireland I have never been able to bring myself to wear the prosthesis. Somehow to me it seems silly. Perhaps this feeling will change for me sometime in the future. I hasten to add please please understand I'm only talking about myself feeling silly. This is not a value judgement on anyone else who happily wears prosthetics. I don't think anyone else is silly for doing that! Good on each of us for doing what feels best after this horrible surgery we needed. From my perspective being all flat sounds quite good, and actually a little less of a wierd thing than being an amazon, but then I don't really know 'cos I haven't been there. That was one stupid, mad cow you met that day and no wonder she upset you. I often think that these things will come back to haunt such folk on their deathbeds, but that is I admit small consolation right now. You do right to come on here and rant...XXXX Susanna
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Crystal? I am so sorry that you came up against two really thoughtless comments.
I would say, you have an extraordinary sense of self worth and a huge sense of self respect for being flat. These people do not understand the courage it takes to be OK with the body you have, and want. And I assume neither has had to face the challenges that you and I know for having gone through treatment to rid our bodies of cancer. You are brave, beautiful, whole.
In college (a technical design school) we were given lessons on how to deal with bossy designers. When we make something we invest our person and our self into the object made. Designers will have opinions and they will express them. It is important to keep our self esteem separate from the opinion and the object.
This is a case where people are making comments based on their own experience, which we know is ill informed and of limited potential. This is ---not--- a conversation about you, your body or the decisions that you made. This is about a lack of compassion and possible connection on a topic that we feel passionate about, even if we don't want to be 'embassadors of flat' all the time.
As my father used to say when I was growing up, i-g-n-o-r-e.
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Crystal, so sorry to hear that you had to be subjected to such thoughtless comments. One would think that of all the people one's mother would know better but I think moms can be our worst enemy at times. It's amazing how strangers think they can say anything they want to another stranger and its ok. Rant all you want girl. No better place than here to do it. We understand. I look at it this way, I won't develop Cooper's droop! Both my mom and grandmother had it. Not pretty when your breasts go south to your waistline. Another plus for being flat, ha,ha.
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Crystal, I'm so sorry you had 2 hurtful comments. Your mother is crazy to think that anyone wants 82yo breasts. Hopefully she thought she was being kind. The second woman deserved a long stare and "why did you say that?" Wonder where she got her PhD in psychology.
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Sometimes people don't think. Being strong doesn't mean that you are a robot. Among other things it means that when people hurt you, you say something, like venting here
.My mother has pulled a couple of stunts like that too, as have a couple of doctors.
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Crystal, am so sorry you had to encounter these thoughtless comments. My own mother is very often thoughtless in her comments, and over a lifetime, I have learned to ignore her and shrug it off as "that's just Mom." Doesn't always make it hurt less, though.
As far as self-esteem, I think YOU (and WE) have more self-esteem than the idiot who thinks otherwise. Obviously that person thinks self-esteem has only to do with appearances rather than actions and emotions and spirituality and other non-tangible qualities. We are some of the strongest and bravest women, and we can't be that way without some self-esteem and self-worth!!!!
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Oh, yes, and I like the comment "Why would you say that?" and make her explain....
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"Wonder where she got her PhD in psychology?" Love it! Well done Wren44. I'm going to keep that tatooed up my (LE)sleeve in case I ever am unlucky enough to run into someone so insensitive as Crystal had the misfortune to meet
Crystal you go girl!
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My mom does not know that my (post treatment) hair is an issue for me. It is now thin, limp, and has a bald spot. Every time my Mom and I get together she says things like, 'Your hair came in so thin, it is such a shame'. I know my mother has her own hair issues. She fears new haircuts because hair is an unruly thing and she does not want to have to figure it out. She uses gads of hair spray and she wants her hair to stay just like it did when she worked on it in the mirror. Her hair has always been thin. The nice thing though, is that, my Mom has no idea that she is pushing my buttons. So when she pushes my buttons, I sit back and stay spearate from the comments. It is helping me to remain true to me and it reminds me that Mom is really talking about her hair, not mine.
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I totally agree....I just had a bilateral mastectomy on January 25, 2013 and am tired of everyone asking me when I am going to have reconstruction surgery. I am comfortable without my breasts. I don't feel the need to wear a prosthesis either. What I would like to hear about is your recovery since I am still recovering. I am still experiencing swelling in some areas...when do you start to feel better? I have a really hard time sleeping at night...any suggestions? Thank you for starting this discussion.
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Crystal, that really sucks.
I have some thoughts.
One is that sometimes I am brash enough enough to really put someone in their place. For example, a guy once gave me grief for how I had pulled up next to the tanks of a busy gas station that straddled a Y where two one-way roads came together. It was crazy there, no "right" or "wrong" direction to be at the tanks because cars were always coming in both sides. My regular gas station, I knew that. Immediately got the sense he had figured he could bully a small woman, so I just started making fun of him as loudly as I could about how it was too bad he couldn't maneuver his car well enough to get next to a pump. Sure made me feel good to see him impotently fuming.
Thing is, that's all that kind of response does. A jerk at a gasstation, he doesn't deserve anything more than some public humiliation. But someone I care about, I've got to let it go or bring it up in a way we can have a productive discussion. My mom says hurtful things quite frequently. Not about my chest, but other stuff. She can't deal with intense emotion so she just glosses it over. When I told her a friend of mine had been murdered, she told me Marie Osmond's son had just suicided and weren't bad things just happening all over. Had to let that one go. She can't talk about it, I care about her, I've just got to remember her limitations. Those are her problems, not mine.
I guess I'm trying to say to pick and choose your battles, and pick and choose the times you don't want to battle but want to communicate, and then pick and choose the times to ignore.
Sorry anybody said that stuff to you.
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Hi dfranken,
I am a year out and I still have that wierd mixture of tenderness and insensitivity on my mx side. I don't feel like it will ever feel "normal". Around the scar area is insensitive to anything except pressure, same in my armpit ie I can't tell the difference between hot/cold, rough/soft. I had lymph nodes out of left armpit, "axillary clearance it's called I believe. Below the scar area is quite tender, especially to my 7 year old's sharp little elbows. It took a long time for me to get used to the wierdness of not knowing what was going on when I was showering. I couldn't bear washing under the armpit, not because it ws painful but because my brain was getting no info on what was going on. I used to feel like I could be washing with razor blades instead of a sponge and my brain wouldn't have known the difference. That has got better with time. I haven't got anymore sensation but have just got somewhat used to the setup there! The site where the drains were also stayed sore for a long time. Those things were yuk! But that is fine now, 1 year out. If you have had axillary clearance the lymph fluid build up also gives feelings of tenderness, in chest, armpit and arm. The exercises really do help. Unfortunately there is no quick fix, I still need to do them 1 year on and if I miss them I do feel the difference.
The drugs etc mess with sleep routines. It will settle down as your body gets a chance to heal itself of all you are going through. I would suggest you be as nice to yourself as poss, you will know what feels good for you : nice comfy pillows? favourite chair? I found one of those V shaped pillows was good for both sitting up and lying down. I bought one of those rocking kneeler stools for working on the pc to improve my posture there, as I found I was much more prone to getting back and neck aches post surgery. This may be a SE of tamoxifen. When there is so much going on with treatment it's hard to know.
Anyway be as nice to yourself as poss. Those BMX are even harder on you than the UMX.
MT1 sorry to hear you got a bald spot - me too. Luckily my hair is now long enough to cover it, but my 7 year old loves to find it and mention it. Of course to her it's just fascinating. I also went from Helena Bonham Carter eyebrows to virtually nil, like a 50's movie star, have to draw them in. Although I haven't got into the prosthetics, I do draw in the eyebrows, without reminds me too much of Grima Wormtongue in the LOTR film
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Feline, the exit points for my drains also hurt and pinched for what seemed like eons. I didn't even have the drains in for long, so it seemed weird. I am 18 months out, and a lot of the feeling has returned. The odd aches and pains have lessened and the tightness rarely comes anymore. So, hang in there, it just takes a really, really long time.
Have you seen a PT for some massage? It can help too.
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thanks, Momine. X
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feelingfeline, is that your cat?
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Talking about drains:
I will be having my first post op visit with the BS tomorrow. How does the BS know that he can remove the drains? What will he be looking for? I sure hope mine come out tomorrow. The top part of the drains move about constantly, so I cannot do my exercises that I was given when I left the hospital. They are just too uncomfortable. I think one drains has moved under my arm pit.The visiting nurse has been twice now and she said the incisions are looking really good and the bandages are clean each time they are removed. So that was good news.
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It depends on amount of fluid in drain each day...
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Thanks Lily...... so does that mean that the drains are still draining when the BS pulls them out? I was thinking that they had to dry up first.
(I am draining about 45 ml on the left side and 21ml on the right side each day.)
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My surgeon required drainage less than 30 mls in 24 hours...total of both drains. I thought it would never happen!
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No they are not dry when removed - with those quantities they would remove them here in spain
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My BS removed my drains 5 days after surgery... They were draining under 20ml each. I did develop a seroma, perhaps because she removed the drains too soon, but it wasn't bad and actually just disappeared as of this morning. (YAY!) So they definitely don't have to be dry, just draining small enough amounts that your body can reabsorb it. I hated those drains and can't imagine having them for weeks on end!! You will feel so much better when they're out, and it instantly improves your range of motion.
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