The Hermit Club
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Hi hermits:
Took a nice nap this afternoon that helped me to feel more rested!
FL Warrior- you are so right, and I love the "cancer dumb" phrase. We all say things in our process too, and I know I have sometimes said things to others who have gone through things that probably have not been helpful. I guess it is why I can let a lot go most of the time. Everyone is human, doing the best they can most of the time. But think it is okay to let folks know when we might need to change the channel on some things.CC- you go girl. I am far away from where you are but will be there in spirit!
Good night!
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Good morning ladies- happy hump day!
#3- You will envy others. The woman in the article says "I am jealous of women who don't have to go through chemo." Or "I am jealous of people who don't have to think twice about doing something fun with their kids."
What to Do: Don't compare yourselves to others. Focus instead on what you can do to meet your emotional needs. Remind yourself you will be able to return to more normal activities with time.
I had a good friend of mine (who is also a physician) that was helping me with some of my surgeries last year say this very thing to me. You are going to look at other people going on with their lives, and feel upset, left out, jealous that your life is now about cancer treatment and other things go on hold. That was so helpful to have someone say to me right from the get go, because when some of those times did follow when I had people sharing their stories of celebration, fun outings, vacations, I did feel envious.
I have had the flip side of this too where some people think I am supposed to be doing all the same things I normally do during cancer treatment. I have had to tell them very bluntly some times that I am just trying to survive all this, get through what I need to do, and some of those things I really want to be doing just have to wait awhile. The article is right too, things do come back to normal with time (or the new normal as I call it). I have also really learned to value the simple joys of life.
Getting ready to head into my client site. Will send the fourth and final point from the article tomorrow. Hope you find these helpful. BTW, it is from a free publication called Living with Cancer from Health Monitor. You may see it around at your doctors office or treatment centers yourself.
Wishing you all a good day!
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del
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I definitely was jealous of people who could just run around without a care in the world. People who didn't have to worry about pain,fatigue and nausea. Heck,I'm still jealous!
And of course all those people who know people that have breezed through treatments without any difficult side effects make those of us who don't, look like weak minions. "Joe had prostate cancer and he worked the entire time!" My answer was,"Geeze I bet Joe needed those benefits to get through treatments. Poor Joe, bet he was tired!" Some are so much better at putting up a strong front. I have no poker face.
Also, people who don't understand than any cancer changes your life, no matter the type or stage. Some people turn into advocates,raising money and running 5ks. Others hide at home waiting for the bloat to go away, the hair to grow back, the mood swings and fatigue to disappear, and the memories to fade. Maybe I'm just projecting my own experiences, but they are the only ones that I know
Hope all are doing well! We have a snow day! I don't get paid, but we are having fun. Stupid boss and State will be in tomorrow and Friday to monitor the new program...joy!
Skittle, I thought about you yesterday at school. The teachers caught some 6th graders drinking alcohol out of their backpacks and someone cried bomb threat. The cops came and arrested 3 6th graders. I'm sure the staff is thrilled with a day off,lol!0 -
Teka ick is right ohhhhh-I still didn't get mine done yet--postpones 2x--Fri I get the MRI which is THE TUBE hahaha--Did u get the flavored kind? They gave me 3 flavors to use with the mix--my sister had that last week and she used the lemon-lime and said it was better than usual junk. Good Luck tomorrow and let us know as soon as u can how it went.
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Oh Markat 6yh graders--WTF that is really scary.
Oh and markat I know what u mean, I admire the ones who can advocate and volunteer and do all these things--but it's not for me--it's not the memories so much, cuz i forgot all the bad ones but just the idea of trying to help someone when I don't even like to talk to people about it really.And the main thing is I'm much to lazy now.
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U got it Teka.
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LOL--I wear depends anyway so I'll be fine with it.hahahahaha--
OK I want to know word for word how it goes---stretch u'r words for me.
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Right save all u'r words.
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Hi hermits- hoping you are all doing well this morning.
#4 (last one)- your relationships may be strained. The woman said "when I got diagnosed, my husband seemed unconcerned. I felt alone and afraid and wanted him to take care of me, but it looked like that might not be the case." The article says cancer almost always challenges your relationships. People may feel inadequete and not know how to meet the needs of another person. People often pull away.
What to Do: Find a support group or counselor (Yay for the Hermits Club)
I am not with a partner, but have found some of my support community of friendships has deepened, some have pulled away, and then some relationships are just purely changing. My sister and I have grown closer going through our treatment process simultaneously, even though we live 1000 miles apart. But I have had some challenges with some folks that are long time friends, but far away and who are not as close to what is going on.
I had a sort of fall out with a friend of 20 years who has always been very kind and supportive around many things in my life. But about a month ago, she was asking me how I was feeling and I said I was struggling with fatigue. Upon that I got a diatribe about how I must be depressed, I need a support group, blah blah blah. We all know fatigue goes with cancer treatment, but I guess she felt compeled to diagnose my fatigue as depression and then go on to tell me what I should do. I think the find a support group comment was my signal that "I don't want to hear about it."
I decided to step back. With that, I sort of had a realization. During this whole thing, she has never picked up the phone to call me. She has sent periodic e-mails, and cards, and put me in a prayer group. All things I appreciated, but she has kept herself distant. I remembered last summer that she had been going to a lot of funerals for people who had died from cancer. So it is her problem, and I freed myself from the need to make her okay with what is going on with me. I don't know if our friendship will continue, but I do feel it has changed.
Time to get moving to my work day. Wishing you all a good day! Livin' for the weekend!
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Jazzy it is such a shame that people don't know how to react.....we are here for you...
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Oh that is a good one and I imagine it can e so true, even with a ood DH who doesn't have a clue what to do for you.
It's funny cuz no one really has to do anythin but be available to u, not physically but emotionally that's it. (for me anyway) When u love someone it just seems so easy to me--but I don't know--My sister and I talk everyday she lives close by --my cousin too.. we're all in the same boat and it's not a yaght-it has some holes in it, but we manage to repair them and go on so maybe we just know what to say at this time.???? But I have to say I've been doubly blessed--my friends are all with me all the time just to talk if needed and of course to laugh--which is important to me--but so many are in the dark.
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Hi hermits! Almost through my work week. Just need to go in a few hours tomorrow after I see the breast surgeon for my follow up from the rad treatment last week. I am going to see the Moody Blues tomorrow night. Whoo hoo!
Sobering encounter with an colleague from my client site today. He had lymphoma a few years back and kicked it. I heard from someone last year (when I was not working for this particular client) that his cancer was back and contacted him to say hello but we did not talk any details. Today, he told me he had a second kind of cancer and his treatments were not shrinking the tumor. He said if they cannot something that works, he may not make it through the year. He knows nothing of my bc, and I just stood very quietly and listened. Despite all this, he made some jokes with me and has never lost his great sense of humor. I think I am going to ask him out to lunch just to go have some laughs about old times.
It was 73 here today where I live and it feels like spring. Daylight savings on sunday. Spring is coming!
Hope you are all doing okay, and thanks for your feedback on my posts!
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Jazzy what a nice thing to do to go out to lunch with him.Well I'm glad u have just a few hrs. tomorrow and u'r weather is so nice--Not her. LOL
Have a good Drs. visit tomorrow----and have fun tomorrow nite.
Hope everyone had a good Friday's eve.--
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Teka, hope the down and up went as well as it could.
Camille, kids are growing up too fast. I hear them talk about stuff everyday that I never would have imagined kids saying. Good luck with the MRI tomorrow! What are they scanning?
Jazzy, so sorry about your friends (the lousy one and the one with cancer).
MO ordered some new tests today. Bone scan, MRI of back and spine, and more xrays. Bloodwork showed some crap I guess
Not going there in my head yet. Scans aren't for a couple weeks because I don't want to call off work.
Hugs to all!!0 -
I know we haven't heard from Teka.
Markat why do u need all those tests? Is it time or what'? But u know everything little thing now we have to have scans, MRI/s blood work--it's a pain in the ass I think, but we different now.
Teka are u sleepy???/
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Hi hermits:
Teka- hope you are through the down and up okay, with nothing notable from the tests.
Markat-sorry to hear about the bloodwork. I hope the scans go okay and that there is nothing of concern.
Cami- good luck with your tests too.
TGIF tomorrow.
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Whoa. I can't keep up.
markat--yep. Sounds like sixth graders. We had a couple last month who were snorting smashed "Smarties" candy. They are so eager to be big and bad and like their video games... They look up to and forward to violent, sexually promiscuous, steroid-altered futures. It's scary. What they admire are the least moral and most vulgar.
teka, camille--wishing you well with up/down procedures and results.
and I think markat is right. People don't understand. When the google news feed reported bc patients may (!!) suffer PTSD, really?? Someone somewhere spent money for a study for that? Hard to believe. We all have suffered through dumb comments, over-interested busybodies, dismissal of oh-you-must-be-over-it-by-now, on and on. Ignorance is everywhere, and I sometimes wonder if that's part of why we seek each other out and treasure each other. We get it. Each and every one of us. I think that's one of the reasons I treasure each of you. I feel safe here, and that says a lot.
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Camille, I had blood work and my port flushed the other day. I have been complaining about pain in my back, so I got the orders for scans today. She said she was a little concerned with some numbers. I didn't ask which ones. Hopefully just a fluke or something else.
Skittle, nodding my head along with you.0 -
Skittle I know what u mean--it's good to feel understood all the time--even on days we're not making much sense (me) I tend to ramble and it's fine if no one reads it but I get it out and no one is saying OHH not this again--cuz with everyone else we're fine, after all how long can we feel sick. Well I wish it was over but it seems to go on and on one way or another.
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I wish we all lived in the same town...someplace warm like around jazzy or Fl!
Did I mention that the state education dept is coming in tomorrow to evaluate me and our lunch program? Joy...I might fall off that wagon tomorrow night lol.
I bet Teka went out for a big meal after her procedures.0 -
Markat she's really quiet even for Teka.
I wish that too, but if it wasn't for this damn disease we would never have met at all. I was just thinking put us all in a colony and we'd have to see each other. Well that's how some people act toward us.--They even think our SE might be contagious. LOL
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Good results YYYAAAYYYY He did the up u'r ass first then down u'r throat--not with the same camera I hope.
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Glad everything is good Teka!
Very true Camille, we wouldn't have met!
Has anyone heard from Lizlemon? I'll have to look around the topics. Haven't heard from her in awhile. Winter can be so long.0 -
Teka. Glad things went well.
Markat, good luck tomorrow.
Jazzy, hope checkup is good ... thanks for sharing info with us ... all too true.
Sad when insomnia is only time I have had to check up this week. Happy Friday to all.
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CHECKING IN and Mark I agree!!!
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Hi blondie!
Hope everyone had a good Friday. The inspection went well. Only a couple little issues. Nothing too bad.
Camille how was your mri?
Why do I stay up so late on Fridays? Lol.0 -
I tend to be a "hybernator" in the winter. Especially this time of year and more so when I was going thru treatment. I will be 4 years out and it seems the last year and a half I have had a new reason to hyberate alot. Lack of mobility and pain from my knee and no finally went and had the knee replacement done in January. Being mostly pain free and recovering now, i am hopeing to get back out and becoming more active with my daily walks by the ocean with my dogs. its good to have dogs when you're being a hermit hyberbating all winter.
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Barb I love u'r signature line---Hi BTW---U've come to the right place for hybernation--Of course we have to go out and some work so we can't totally stay in--bt it's kind of a preference with alot of us-I' retired so it's easy for me--and u live by the beach oh how nice with u'r furbabies--I have a cat tht's near me all the time and sleeps with me--It's wonderful.
Well my MRI--THE TUBE is done--they didn't have the BIG one available so I was in the old one I didn't think I was going to do it but I was told to stop laughing cuz she's have to start over--so I did it, my eye were closed and I could feel the tube covering me with my hands so I really kept them not moving by my side---when I was done I drank a whole bottle of water fast-hahaha then I had to wait for a couple of other tests but I didn't care anymore--I was done with THE TUBE---No results yet--but I'm sure it's fine.
Don't forget change the clocks tonite spring ahead--one less hr. of week-end--Sorry
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yay Cam glad it is done, now when results?
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